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*PUBLISHED WEEKLY
November 9th, 2022
VOLUME CDXX ISSUE LXIX $420.69 GIESE OFSLEGEN!!!
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DR. OZ DECLARES TENDENTIOUS PERSPECTIVE ON ABORTION ACCESS BY LEXA PREAUX STOCKING UP ON PLAN B
Former surgeon and television personality Mehmet Oz (known professionally as Dr. Oz) announced in November 2021 that he would be running in the Pennsylvanian Senate election. Since then, Oz has been sparking conversation with increasingly controversial claims. The famed pseudoscientist stated his stance on abortion access during a recent debate with John Fetterman: “[Abortion] should be between a woman, her doctor, and local political leaders.” This rollercoaster of a statement, however, did not end with the idea that political leaders should stake claim on the uteruses of complete, independent strangers. Oz went on to say that the extremely personal and delicate decision to have an abortion should also be swayed by “your creepy,
reclusive neighbor who basks in his Adirondack chair in the middle of his front yard, shirtless, in the dead of winter. You know which one I’m talking about, the definite hoarder who collects garden gnomes and rusty miniature pinwheels, the guy who has an egg hunt with his extended family of thousands of nieces and nephews dressed in white patten leather
church shoes for every year, which makes you think ‘why do they go to his place for Easter?'” Oz began sweating excessively throughout this statement, his pupils widening and hands shaking. Eventually he trailed off, mumbling what can only be described as “feral murmurs.” Fetterman stated after the debate “I think he might be the neighbor.” Continued on Page 2
TWITTER IS A GARBAGE FIRE ANYHOW, DON'T USE IT
MUSK IMPERSONATOR BANS ELON MUSK FROM BANNING IMPERSONATIONS BY ELON MUSK POSSIBLY AN IMPERSONATOR
With Elon Musk’s recent acquisition of the major social media company Twitter, there’s been much controversy in regards to a number of policies and other actions that have taken place almost immediately under his ownership, particularly the proposition to make Twitter’s ‘blue check marks’ only available to those who pay a $20 (or $8 if you’re Stephen King) fee. In response to this unwarranted and unpopular decision, several Twitter users, such as Kathy Griffin and Ethan Klein, have already taken action to mock the Silicon Valley CEO by setting their display names as ‘@Elon Musk’. Shortly after, many of those mocking Twitter’s new owner have
had their accounts consequentially suspended, with Elon Musk later announcing on November 6th “Going forward, any Twitter handles engaging in impersonation without clearly specifying 'parody' will be permanently suspended.” Naturally, many have viewed his statement as hypocritical to
much of what the tech magnate has previously said in regards to his vision of Twitter upon his ownership, in that he would pursue in essentially making Twitter a ‘platform of free speech’, and would likely consider lifting Twitter’s ban of former US President Donald Continued on Page 2
Getting Banned On Twitter Since 1970
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