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*PUBLISHED WEEKLY
November 20th, 2019
VOLUME LVII ISSUE VI 50¢ CENSOR THESE NUTZ
THINGS THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN AT THE HONG-KONG PROTESTS *WINKY FACE* BY HEYWOOD JABLOMI BIG WINNIE THE POOH FAN
New Brunswick- Last week, The Daily Targum covered a student-led panel at the Douglass Student Center regarding the Hong Kong protests. Many believed the Targum did not cover the event fairly, and left out a number of important details. The Medium initially planned to cover the event as we saw it, however, before we could publish it, we were contacted by SUCH HARD HITTING a representative of the Chinese Much Satire government who will remain unnamed. They have bribed us fired at the protesters. Tear gas tear gas canister into an apartment (offering us physical safety) to not was not used against them, window. The protests are covered talk about the event and instead especially not 7,500 canisters, perfectly fairly by Chinese Media, say the following things about the as was reported by some media not making any effort to vilify one general state of affairs in regards to sites. There have not been arrests side or elevate the other. Various the Hong Kong protests: made against 4,000 protesters. companies in the US are not forced Water cannons were not Police officers did not throw a to censor pro-Hong Kong opinions. Continued on Page 2
OUR WATCHFUL PROTECTORS
LIVI CATS DEFEND STUDENTS FROM AGGRESSIVE COYOTE HARRY NUTTSAAC IMAGINE THE SMELL
New Brunswick- After reports of an "aggressive coyote" around the Livingston Wildlife Preserve, the feral cats that occupy the same campus came to the aid of students. In an incredible demonstration of their strength and intelligence, the Livi cats banded together to form a military opposition against the invader. The Pussy Army, as they branded themselves, established their base of operations in the bushes outside of Lucy Stone Hall (you know, the ones where you can always hear cats going at it doggy style). Their normal gangbang hideaway has now become the home to a massive military operation as the cats prepare to defend the people that
I ALWAYS KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME GOD HELP US ALL.
so graciously leave them scraps and the occasional cigarette. However well prepared they are, the cats will have to work hard to defeat the aggressive coyote, who has begun to form a resistance of his own. After some dumbass
decided to invade his home at four in the morning, this lone coyote purposely engaged in acts of war in an effort to call attention to the injustices the wildlife around the world has had to face. Following Continued on Page 2
Woefully Unprepared Since 1970
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