This paper may not be suitable for persons under 18.
RutgersMedium.com
September 23rd 2015
Volume XLX Issue II 50¢ BROWER? I WOUD RATHER STARVE
STUDENT STARVES, FRATERNITY BLOCKING BROWER STEPS TO BLAME BY VINNY PEPPERONI BADADA BOOPI
NEW BRUNSWICK—A Rutgers University student died of starvation on Monday after failing to enter the Brower Commons because of an obstructing table set up by the Beta Rho Omega fraternity on Brower Steps. The deceased student, Frankie Chizzato, 21, successfully pushed his way through the myriad of people posted up on the Brower steps that Monday evening. According to student witnesses, there were many individuals on the steps of Brower that day giving out promotional material, but Beta Rho Omega was causing the majority of the obstruction. Graduate student Mikey Gizzo was with Chizzato that fateful day. “I tried getting through the Brower steps but it was crazy crowded,” said Gizzo. “There were so many people there, it almost seemed like I was in a Syrian refugee camp or something. I had to turn back
TABLES WITHOUT FOOD Members of the BRO fraternity obstruct one of Brower's multiple entrances
after RUPA offered me popcorn because I couldn’t breathe anymore. But Frankie? He just kept on chugging along.” According to multiple students who were also stuck in the menagerie of student organizations on the Brower steps that afternoon, Chizzato was the only one to attempt to get through the crowd. When he was finally met with the table furnished by the Beta
DRIVEN INSANE
Rho Omega fraternity he found himself too weak to go on. “He just sorta slumped over,” said BPΩ brother Anthony Calamari. “We offered him a flier to come to our rush event where we smoke cigars on our front lawn and he just looked up at us told us to go fuck ourselves. Then he just sorta died.” According to multiple Continued on Page 2
QUICKIES
RUPD creates fo o t b a l l t e a m liaison B e n A f fl e ck progresses J e n n i fe r s fo r Stephanies S o r o r i t y turns into brothel fo r fu n d r a i s i n g Jenga Club m e e t i n g ends in disasterous co l l a p s e
EXCLUSIVE: What I did on my summer vacation
FRANKIE SAYS RELAX
U. Approves Removal of Pope Decries Catholicism New SAC Traffic Light and Pledges Local Frat
BY CHAMP JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHN
NEW BRUNSWICK—Rutgers University officials have approved a new plan to tear down the newly constructed
traffic light at the Student Activities Center. The light has increased traffic congestion on George Street by almost 350%, Continued on Page A7
NO SLEEP 'TIL RAPTURE The Pope passed through New Brunswick during his trip from New York City to Philadelphia, the last stop on his North American tour. Pope Francis, known to fill stadiums and disrupt traffic continued being a rockstar by partying with the locals. Late the other night, Francis was seen turnt up and shouting from a rooftop on Delafield Street, "Fuck celibacy! If I could bang dimepieces nightly, I'll gladly risk eternal damnation."
Fightin' the Power Since 1970