April 5, 2017 Issue

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april 5th, 2017

Volume LIII Issue IX 50¢ DO IT FOR THE KIDS MAN

RUTGERS FINALLY RAISES 10% OF WHAT PENN STATE DOES FOR DANCE MARATHON RADIO RAHEEM DOES THE RIGHTISH THING

PISCATAWAY—After only 18 years in existence, RUDM has finally hit its mark, raising a record $1 million for the kids. This monumental success comes just days after Penn State officially raised over $10 million, which is by no means even close to a record for them. The annual dancingfundraising marathon is a cherished tradition at both Rutgers and Penn State, along with many other college campuses throughout the United Continued on Page 2

Elle King is White? And Rob Schneider's Daughter!

Straight Male Drinks Fruity Drink and is NOT Gay Guy Dies at Olive Garden From Eating Endless Fettuccine Alfredo

SO CLOSE Good try Rutgers! But let's save the confetti for when we've earned it.

THE NEW KIM K

Girl Breaks Internet by Posting Update on Post Grad Plans

GRIND ALL HAS NO FUTURE

NEW BRUNSWICK—On Monday night, college senior Meghan Tulson stopped the world with her Earth-shattering Facebook post about her postgraduate plans. Posted at 7:43 pm, the status read: “So excited to announce that I will be continuing my journey to become a children’s speech pathologist at Montclair State University :)”. Within 5 minutes the post had practically broken the Internet. “There was so much traffic on this one post,” said Facebook representative Don Nelson. “Our servers just couldn’t handle all of the likes and comments! We had to shut the site down for about ten minutes

QUICKIES

Opinion: Barstool is the Worst Chair This Just In: Band of Horses Not Actually A Band of Horses Freshman Chasing After LX Gets Hit By REXL

until the server rebooted”. In the initial five minutes the post had amassed 113 likes and 47 comments that ranged from “congrats!” to full essays by one

overly expressive aunt who just knew that Meghan was going to be working with children even when she was just a baby.

K-POPPIN'! Since 1970

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Fry-curious Guy Ready To Go For Curly Fries


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