This paper may not be suitable for persons under 18.
INSTA: @themediumRU
April 26th, 2017
Volume LIII Issue XII 50¢ MOVE ASIDE, PENN STATE
'BUTGERS DAY' ACCIDENTALLY PRINTED ON RUTGERS DAY T-SHIRTS RADIO RAHEEM BUTT PUN ENTHUSIAST
NEW BRUNSWICK— In an unfortunate slip-up, Rutgers Student Involvement accidentally printed “Butgers Day” on every single T-shirt for the massive event this weekend. This is a massive PR nightmare for Rutgers, who will no doubt have to scramble to try to fix this enormous mistake before Saturday. “We’re well and truly fucked here,” says President Barchi. “We almost half of our annual budget on these shirts, so we can't just reorder them.” Ideally, Rutgers would just
WHATUPGERS Well that's a giant fucking mistake
order new shirts with the correct misprinted shirts, ordering the logo. However, because half the same amount of shirts again annual budget was spent on the would cut the rest of the budget. Continued on Page 2
FUCK OFF, KAREN!
Sean Spicer Writes Children's Book BARBARA NOT WALTERS EYEBROW EXPERT
WASHINGTON D.C.-National Press Secretary Sean Spicer is preparing to branch out from his White House position, and has started by writing his very own children’s book. The 8-page picture book, titled “Chicken Soup for the Repressed Soul,” has been a passion project for Spicer. “As a kid, I never read any books that I felt were relatable I mean come on, ‘The Giving Tree,’ ‘Charlotte’s Web,” fucking ‘Night’ by Elie Wiesel?! How could anyone expect me to relate to that? That’s why I wrote my book I wanted little angry white kids across the country to understand the pain of not being able to speak a proper sentence,”
QUICKIES
White Boy Wonders Why Brown Girls Don't Message Him Back on Tinder Guy Helps Fight the Gender Wage Gap By Giving Homeless Woman A Dollar Student Forgets He's 100 Credits Short For Graduating Opinion: Brower Has the Best Red Powerade Pistachio Voted Worst On the Go Snack
Spicer said in a long, drawn out statement. Spicer has been under fire lately for controversial statements made during his press conferences, and many
have suspected that his time as Press Secretary is coming to an end. Acknowledging such, Spicer apparently decided that Continued on Page 2
INTERSECTIONAL Since 1970
Wealthy 12 Year Old Yellow Lab Marries 3 Year Old Bitch