NEWS QUICKIES
Nobody I picked won the Kids Choice Awards Last week, the Kid's Choice Awards were on Nickelodeon. Dylan Sprouse won for favorite TV actor and Selena Gomez won for favorite TV actress. I don't like them at all. I don't like any of the people or the shows that won. The Kids Choice Awards were stupid. I took all my best stuffed animal friends in my basement and got chips and salsa just to see everyone I voted for lose to dumb people. I hope it was not a rip-off for you like it was for me.
"FUNNY BUNNY" RHYMES
The Easter Bunny: Is he Real? Becky told Kathryn who told Marcus who told a friend of Christopher©s who then told my best friend Geoffrey that he mig ht be fake! BY CAPTAIN UNITED STATES JR. NEWS EDITOR
Every year, the Easter Bunny fills our Easter baskets with eggs and candy and chocolate. Some of my best friends think that actually, every year it is a big smelly phony who leaves us candy and eggs and chocolate, and sometimes new underwear in a box when our old ones get holes and brown stains. My best friend Geoffrey told me that he thinks the Easter Bunny is his dad. But that could not possibly be true. How could Geoffrey's dad get into my house, or your house, or anyone's house other than his house? We have a security system for people like that. When Kathryn went to the Yesterday when mall to sit on the Easter Bunny's Mrs. Penta's kinlap and tell him what she wanted dergarten class for Easter, she said she saw a zipwent to Blue Marsh Lake for our nature field per, which means it is someone in trip, Kevin pulled a salamander a costume. But this does not mean out of the lake the first time he anything either because I have stuck his hands in the water. Kevin zippers on my clothes too. And I was so cool for a day, and no one normally talks to him. But maybe CUT AND PASTE now people will, if he catches more salamanders with his bare hands.
Kevin Catches Big Salamander with Bare Hands
Brandon Farts in Class!!!
It was the biggest loudest fart I ever heard! BOOM! I thought he was going to poop his pants! I am so glad that wasn't me, but it will probably happen to me one day. The teacher told us it happens to everyone...
A Magician is Coming Today!!!
I want to see the magic show now! I love magic shows! I hope he pulls a rabbit out of a hat! I like Rabbits! I hope he gets to pick me as a volunteer. I would be such a good volunteer. He'd probably make me a magician too and I'd be famous like him!
No Left Handed Scissors?
Bunnies hop places and they are fluffy and I want to pet one. am not wearing a people costume. I do not believe any of this at all. The spirit of Easter is all about believing. The more you believe, the more candy you get, and you
will also get into Heaven. He is as real as Santa and the Tooth Fairy and Barney and the President. I will forever stand by my beliefs as an American.
NEWZ IN DRAWINGZ
BY IGNORAMUS THE 3ST STAPH WRITER
Why do I have to be lefthanded? It’s not fair! I have to use special training grips on my pencil and I can’t cut my stupid paper! Everyone takes the lefthanded scissors and I can’t cut out my doggy picture. Jimmy is a stupid head for taking them off my desk and now I have to use the scissors for right-handed people. They don’t do anything! Daddy said he used to be left-handed when he was a kid but the penguin lady beat him with a yardstick to get the devil out of him or something. I didn’t know penguins could be mean. There’s a dog down the street that’s mean. It chased my brother this one time. Being left handed blows.
By Timmy, Age 4 My hero is Officer Sugarlumps. He is a horse who is also a police officer. He is the greatest horse ever. He once saved me and my brother and my mommy and my daddy and my dog from a fire in our house. I fed him a carrot. My daddy told me that he got to be a detective because of it. When I grow up, I want to be a horse detective too!
Poop!
ESTABLISHED 1970