This paper may not be suitable for persons under 18.
Rutgers Entertainment Weekly www.rutgersmedium.com
Volume xliI Issue XXII
50¢
APRIL 25th, 2012
HIS FACE
NEWS QUICKIES
BY COMMANDO UNITED STATES NEWS EDITOR
Trash can a little too far for slob who left chocolate wrappers by the computer
CLASS OF 2012 DONATES FOR MCCORMICK BRICK WALKWAY
COLLEGE AVE—The graduating class of 2012 has chipped in to leave their mark on campus by commemorating the departing university president, Richard McCormick. "It's just our way of saying thank you for all he's done for us," said SAS senior Kimberly O'Brian. "His focus on our great football program was unlike that of any president that has come before him. And don't forget all the hard work he has put in for protecting the 1st Amendment MCCORMICK GETS HIS (WALK)WAY rights of The Medium." The class of 2012 can't wait until the student body can walk, bike, and The visage of the beloved drunkenly stagger all over McCormick president adorns a section of brick walkway cutting across fading from the weather or from prised many faculty members. Voorhees Mall, a high traffic area thousands upon thousands of "McCormick must really that will ensure many students trample marks, so that the stu- mean something special for will get to see and walk upon dent body can walk on McCor- them to put their money togethMcCormick's face. Additionally, mick for years to come. er for this," said vice president high quality pigments have been News of Rutgers newest Richard Edwards. applied to the bricks to prevent infrastructure addition has sur-
THE FAT RAMPAGE
Three Dead, Two Eaten in 4/20 Grease Truck Riots BY STOOBY BOOBIE BOO STAFF WRITER
UNION STREET— An overwhelming demand for fat sandwiches led to utter pandemonium at the grease trucks last Friday night, as hungry holiday partakers hoping for a fat sandwich or five became belligerent by a shortage of stock. As lines swelled and service slowed to a halt, hangry (hungry-angry) students began rocking the grease trucks from side to side, scaling the surrounding buildings like apes, and ultimately pulling grease truck employees from their posts. The famous RU Hungry grease truck was turned on its side, crushing an unidentified rioter. The empty clothing of two employees, covered in hot sauce
"I mean it was all the way across the room in the computer lab, and I really had to catch the LX for class." said senior Nick Gaus, who proceeded directly back to his house at Theta Chi.
"Is this still good?", Housemate's last words before 911 dispatch call
After a weekend in a decompression chamber, diver realizes childhood friend is "Kind of a dick" Softball team unsure of future play due to large amount of wasps on field IN THIS ISSUE VOICES OF INUITS
and other condiments were later recovered by police. The employees, Pancho Ramirez Sanchez y Sergio Nomamesguey are assumed devoured in the chaos. One chef, Victor Jimenez, 31, escaped with only minor utensil-related injuries. “Eet
wass a so scarrey mane, Dey pulled me from ehhhh dey grease truck, and all I remember afder dat es hearing Pancho’s screams, mane.” RUPD is still puzzled by the seemingly random hunger on Continued on Page 2
Summertiiiiime
ESTABLISHED 1970
Because you didn't ask for it...