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Rutgers Entertainment Weekly www.rutgersmedium.com
Volume xliI Issue XXI
50¢
APRIL 18th, 2012
WHY YOU'RE LAME
UNDERGROUND RUTGERSFEST WAS AWESOME, AND YOU WEREN'T THERE BY COMMANDO UNITED STATES NEWS EDITOR
HAMILTON ST— In the absence of Rutgersfest— the daylong music festival which was cancelled last year because the administration is afraid of students having too much fun, at least one guy—This Guy— rose to the challenge to keep it going strong. This Guy carefully saved up about $35 over a time frame of four months, and put together an elaborate “Underground Rutgersfest” to perpetuate Rutgers' most beloved tradition. The event took place last week in a Hamilton Street basement. You weren’t there and it was awesome. A number of musical acts showed up, all played from a crystal clear Apple iHome speaker system. Most of the song selections were specially imported from This Guy’s iTunes library just for the occasion. The volume was turned up much higher than normal, and since no one was there, the sound bounced
NEWS IN PICTURES
NEWS QUICKIES
Catholic Clergy to don White Hoods to Support Trayvon Martin
"The white hoods are a symbol of peace, as they are they same color as doves and my pope garments," proclaimed Pope Benedict. The Church has seen widespread support for this decree, and more and more clergy have begun wearing their supportive hoods.
Kanye West and Kim Kardashian spend all day talking over each other Look at this fucking rager you missed
through the basement with its great concrete wall acoustics. You weren’t there, but it was the shizznit. Drunkenness was had by all, to the tune of water bottle after water bottle of brown liq-
uid, cunningly disguised with a hand made “foamy iced tea” label so no one would know it was actually beer. It tasted like shit, and that’s what makes for true memories of youth well spent. Continued on Page 2
Kid who won Mega-Millions won't stop rubbing it our goddamn faces
BUY, SELL
Tent State Attacked by Barchi Plans to Sell Bears After Protesters Historic Old Queens from his former experience as a physician, the building was "terLeave Food Out NEW BRUNSWICK- Newly minally ill." BY THE KILLA WHALE MANAGING EDITOR
appointed President of Rutgers University, Dr. Robert L. Barchi, has announced his plans to sell the historical headquarters of the college, Old Queens. While Barchi does not take the reigns as President until September 1, he has already contacted several buyers interested in purchasing the building and lot. "We are not a museum of old artifacts," said the former President of Thomas Jefferson University in Philadelphia. Barchi also noted that the building was out-of-date and not up to modern building code standards. He concluded that
Ain't That A Bitch
ESTABLISHED 1970
"The money we receive from selling the building will contribute to the new medical school," said Barchi, implying that Governor Christie's proposals will be approved. Current President Richard L. McCormick shares the same middle initial as his successor but is strongly opposed to the sale of Old Queens. "I took so many shits in that building," said McCormick. "Maybe history is just my thing but the building needs to be preserved as a Rutgers landmark." The Associated Press reports that potential buyers include Wal-Mart heiress Alice