This paper may not be suitable for persons under 18.
INSTA: @themediumRU
FEBRUARY 1ST, 2017
Volume LIII Issue II 50¢ WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS
ABSOLUTE FUCKING MADMAN ON LX NOT USING HANDRAILS BY ARTHUR CASE NOT SPIKE LEE
PISCATAWAY -NEW BRUNSWICK—Students at Rutgers were shocked this morning to hear reports of an absolute fucking madman riding the LX bus without sitting down or holding on to the handrails. The student, who has been identified as School of Arts and Sciences sophomore Darrell Andrews, believes he is capable of riding the bus without using the handrails. “I can’t believe he’s just standing like that,” whispers Caleigh Eberhardt, a freshman living on Livingston campus. “He’s so awesome. I hope I can do that by the time I’m a sophomore!” Eberhardt, amazed at the pure, raw fucking talent that Andrews was displaying, sat in one of the many empty seats on the particular LX bus they were riding in silent amazement.
LOOK MA NO HANDS Darrell can't be controlled guys
hen The Medium requested W a comment from Andrews, he looked over and gave just the slickest fuckin’ bro nod we’ve ever seen. Obviously he didn’t have time for an interview, as he was focusing on riding
around Livingston and College Ave with the masterful balance and coordination of a skilled sailor. Just as quick as it began, Continued on Page 2
Trump Closes Borders To Muslims Without 10:1 Ratio
WASHINGTON, D.C.— This past week President Trump announced his plan to halt immigration from several countries who's common trait
Come To Open Mic Night! Dora the Explorer Deported Student Waiting For B Bus Dies of Natural Causes
FRAT BOY 2.0
BY GRIND ALL DOES THE WRONG THING
QUICKIES
is their belief in Islam. Upon this announcement Trump faced serious backlash from a majority of the country sparking protests across the country. Following advice from his advisors Trump has agreed to modify his plan
to allow Muslims from the countries in but only if they can pull a ratio of 10:1. "This is a great plan," said Trump in a press conference addressing his new plan. "This is the greatest plan America has ever seen in regards to immigration. I can see it now. Tons and tons of hot women coming in to our country". Trump, barely addressing the other sex, briefly stated that he was still against Muslims as they were totally all terrorists but the hot ones were cool in his book. "Its ratio or nothing. None of that 'throwing 5s' bullshit, we want 10 hot, and I mean hot women coming in here" he continued on. Continued on Page 2
EXPECTING DELAYS Since 1970
Bugels Taste Just As Awesome As You Remember Did You Know?: Every Woman That Is Nice To You Wants To Ask You Out
Study Finds AmericanItalians Are Indeed Oppressed