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december 6th, 2017
Volume LIV Issue XII 50¢ GOING HAM
GOP TAX BILL INCLUDES SECRET FDR RECIPE FOR STEAMED HAM SUE DE NIM KOSHER-AMERICAN
WASHINGTON — The recent Republican proposed tax bill has just been passed in Congress 51-49, and with it, some new changes, including a corporate tax cut from 35% to 20%. But unbeknownst to most, the republicans have also snuck in other big legislations such as the allowance of drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. However, the biggest thing that they have managed to sneak past the public was the long kept secret FDR recipe for steamed ham. This recipe has been kept a secret from the American public for over 70 years, despite numerous protests attempting to have it released. The official
CIA statement regarding its confidentiality from 2015 states, “The United States government has found that the Roosevelt ham recipe is too important to
release. If the Russians were to get their hands on it, the socioeconomic consequences could be devastating.” The original recipe Continued on Page 2
IT'S MY TIME TO SHINE
LOCAL SENIOR CONVINCED THIS IS THE SEMESTER HIS GRADES GET BETTER MIKE HAWK PELVIS SAFETY OFFICER
NEW BRUNSWICK — Squilliam Fancyson, a senior here at Rutgers University is excited as the first semester of his senior year comes to a close. Fancyson has endured 3 rough years as an aspiring engineering major and produced completely less than stellar grades in every way all through his years at the university. Determined, Fancyson refuses to let his grades suffer from the same fate as they have the previous 3 years. To facilitate his new
found academic success, Fancyson has made a list for us to ensure great grades during the semester . “The first change I made is that I now get high every night
and when I say every night, I mean every night; even when you have an exam the next morning. It’ll make you concentrate more to compensate. Second, lose all your friends. Not because they Continued on Page 2
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