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Rutgers Entertainment Weekly www.themediumonline.com
Volume xli Issue xiI
NEWS QUICKIES
Inside joke edges out song lyric as title of Facebook album OLLEGE AVE— Student Vicky C Cheng was pleased to discover Friday that a long-time inside joke had finally matured into a witty and relevant title for a Facebook photo album. The joke, the origins of which remain mysterious, emerged from several drunken encounters on a night out. Discovered in the form of garbled text messages the following morning, Cheng and her roommates repeated the joke at an alarming frequency until it became a regular fixture in their friendship. “It just turned into this thing we say,” Cheng commented. “It comes out all the time, when we pregame we just start cracking up. I love you bitches!” Cheng and her friends nearly considered a line from a popular song that perfectly captures the fleeting nature of love and youth, until they broke out into another fit of cackling girly laughter and the joke’s fate was sealed. They then proceeded to upload hundreds of pointless, practically identical pictures that nobody but them would look through, while as of press time, the joke still made absolutely no sense.
Inside this Issue... -Police Lights Create Accidental Rave for Group of High Deaf Kids -Student Remembers When Livingston Used to Be All Parking Lots and Sadness -MEDIUM EXCLUSIVE: Tom Savage tells The Medium which school he is transferring to!
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DECEMBER 8th, 2010 CHECKIN' YOU OUT
FRATERNITIES GET FULL-BODY SCANNERS FOR PARTY ENTRY "I ain't riding anyone I don't feel good about"
BY COMMANDO UNITED STATES NEWS EDITOR
UNION STREET—Next time you're at a frat party and you're wondering if her tits are real, rest assured that someone has already verified that. As the semester draws to a close and the peak party/rager season kicks into full swing, fraternities across Rutgers New Brunswick have tightened surveillance of the guests permitted entry into their households. The increase of student traffic has elevated the risk that undesirable douches and fuglies will find their way into frats-- individuals who threaten to make otherwise pleasant parties crash and burn. All entering female guests are required to go through a
stringent full-body scan as the frat brother at the door professionally imagines what the girl will look like naked. For those individuals the scanner cannot visualize, pat downs are also being utilized, which has not come without controversy.
Kevin Falco of Delta Chi was quick to justify their use of pat downs. "You know, with the winter months coming, you got fewer girls wearing dresses SCANNERS Continued on Back
THE SPIRIT OF THE SEASON
RU Football leads as "Most okay team" in Big East rankings BY CHIGN KARIOUT CONTRIBUTING WRITER
PISCATAWAY—Here's something to get complacent about! After months of decent plays and some okay touchdown runs, the Big East has finally recognized Rutgers as "average, perhaps even fairly good." RU currently has the number one spot in the league's not exactly anticipated annual rankings for "most okay team." To acknowledge the ranking, Rutgers leadership has unveiled its plans for a campaign that might or might not boost morale on the team itself and reestablish its fan base off of the field. But if it doesn't, no one will be too upset. The new RU football t-shirts will read “Rutgers Football Is Pretty Good!” School officials claim that the new approach in school spirit reflects their me-
Sad Schiano is Sad... diocre efforts to level with the students and maintain reasonable expectations of the football team's performance. “These students are out of high school now and it’s time that they hear the truth,” claims a reliable source. “It’s time that
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they lower their standards and accept our team for what it really is as opposed to what is desired.” Coach Schiano had no official comment on the matter although he was reported to be seen “flippin’ some tables” and “bro-ing out” according to an anonymous source. “This is really what we want,” stated sophomore Ari Leibowitz when asked how he felt about the new t-shirt design. “After being lied to all throughout high school about how difficult college would be and about the inevitability of facing the consequences of having unprotected sex with minors, the truth is refreshing.” Shirts will become available this Wednesday at your campus center in preparation for Rutgers’s crushing defeat at the hands of the Connecticut Huskies this Friday.