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INSTA: @themediumRU
NOVEMBER 30th, 2016
Volume LII Issue xII 50¢ DEF NOT MAD
HILLARY CLINTON WILL NOT COME OUT OF THE WOODS
BY GRIND ALL EXPLORA REPORTA
NEW YORK- Since the election results on November 9 the country has seen a division between those who believe the electoral college has the exclusive right to decide the election, and those that believe the election should be decided through a popular vote. As Hillary Clinton's popular vote lead approaches two million, many Americans are calling for a recount. When election officials decided to approach Clinton about the recount they couldn't locate her. When her husband Bill was asked about her whereabouts he began to give a speech on women's legs and their ability to "wiggle around". Upon further investigation, election officials found Clinton sleeping on the ground in the middle of the Black Woods Forest
IM JUST CHILLING Hillary Clinton insists she is fine and just 'hanging around' in the woods.
in the same clothes from her In the days following concession speech. According to her speech, many oddities police Clinton, in a fit of hysteria, were seen around the woods ran into the woods after giving including a ripped pantsuit, her emotional speech. Continued on Page 2
SOLIDARITY
Wisconsin Recount Reveals Jeb Bush Landslide Victory
HE'S HAPPY "I'm happy" says Jeb Bush BY ADRIAN SUPERFLY TELEPHONE POLL DANCER
In Wisconsin, Green Party candidate Jill Stein requested a recount of the state’s presidential votes following
her suspicion of illegal votes sent in by approximately 10,000 carp. However, as the four underplayed employees went over the two million votes they uncovered a miraculous discovery. Located behind the
state capitol building sat a dumpster filled to the brim with uncounted votes for former RNC candidate Jeb Bush. Counting at 3.7 million, the previously discarded votes places the lesser known Bush as the winner of Wisconsin’s treasured ten electoral votes. According to an internal investigation by the FBI, the polling system used by Wisconsin auto trashed any votes that were deemed “joke” votes by common knowledge. With the polling program all votes for fake candidates like Jay Z, Tom Hanks, and Gary Johnson were all immediately disposed of and compiled in the now-famous dumpster. As the Continued on Page 2
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