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november 29th, 2017
Volume LIV Issue XI 50¢ GOBBLE GOBBLE BITCH
THANKSGIVING TURKEY WOULD RATHER BE SLAUGHTERED THAN PARDONED BY TRUMP MIKE HAWK PELVIS SAFETY OFFICER
WASHINGTON — President Trump has spent much time trying to overturn things that have been achieved during the Obama presidency. However, Trump decided to continue the tradition of pardoning the Thanksgiving turkeys but this time, with a twist. Instead of the regular two turkeys up on the spotlight, the main and the backup turkey, there were 14. Trump had brought in all the previous turkeys pardoned throughout the Obama era and slaughtered them himself
right there on the stage for everyone to see. He then turned to Drumstick and Wishbone and pardoned them for not being good enough to eat. Both turkeys clearly looked
understandably horrified for what they had just witnessed. We got a hold of both turkeys
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ARBEIT MACHT WHY
TRUMP DEATH CAMPS SHOULD The ELIMINATE RACISM BY KILLING Dora Explorer Is Really Just OTHER RACES Lost And CAILLOU COLLECTS WW2 MEMORABILIA
WASHINGTON — This morning at 9:00, Trump announced his plans to begin construction on what is being called “Trump Camps,” a measure that is being taken to reduce systemic racism in the United States. “Starting immediately, we will begin constructing our ‘Trump Camps’ across this great nation,” Trump stated this morning. “And believe me, this is going to be good-really, really
- and this is for the liberal media who have been whining ‘Trump won’t condemn neo-nazis.’ Well folks, let me tell you - how are they going to screw this one up, huh? Who knows.” The current goal of the administration is to have the first of the camps constructed by late May 2018, and hopes to be able to begin sending minorities to the camps by late June 2018. An ideal timeline predicts that all minorities will be eliminated by late 2019. Professor of politics at the University of Pennsylvania, Dr. Denzel Oduwole, has expressed
his approval with Trump’s camps, despite significant past differences. “I believe Trump has finally heard the cries of the American people and has shifted his stance on complacency in regards to white supremacy and the normalization of neo-nazi beliefs. He’s finally attacking the root cause of systemic racism in our nation at its very core: the existence of minority groups.” This new effort by Trump has been receiving widespread approval from both sides of the spectrum. The few critics of Trump’s camps have expressed concerns over the feasibility of Continued on Page 2
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