November 15, 2017 Issue

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november 15th, 2017

Volume LIV Issue X 50¢ WE LOVE MINORITIES

NJ POLL SHOWS MOST PEOPLE VOT E D F O R P H I L M U R P H Y B E C AU S E H I S N A M E D O E S N ’ T SOUND LIKE A DETENTION CAMP SUE DE NIM PROUD DEMOBLICAN

RENTON— T A recent poll regarding the 2017 gubernatorial election between Democrat Phil Murphy and Republican Kim Guadagno suggests that over ninety percent of voters that chose Murphy did so because his last name didn’t sound like a United States detention camp. The election, which occurred on November 7th, had an incredible turnout of over 60 percent of eligible voters. We asked why each individual chose the particular candidate they did, whether it was their domestic policies, their party affiliation, or really just anything about their political stances. Most people said that they really just

GUADAGNO BAE Kim Guadagno showing her prowess in dealing with minorities who refuse to cooperate with authority

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ITS DARK IN HERE

QUICKIES

Hero Celebrity Doesn't See Race When Molesting His Victims Roy Moore Kicked Out Of School For Switching His Minor

Your Special Permission Number Isn't That Special

INDECISIVE NAKED MAN WHO Local Guy SPENDS HOURS IN THE CLOSET MIS- Wears Pajamas To TAKEN FOR HOMOSEXUAL Lecture IVAN YAKINOV DASHCAM ENTHUSIAST

CLEVELAND— It only took him 6 hours and 9 minutes today, but Holden McGroin has finally come out of the closest, for about the 1,435th time in his life. McGroin, born with a chronic medical condition which makes him unable to make up his mind on anything, spends anywhere from 5-7 hours a day just deciding on what he’s going to wear. McGroin’s wardrobe consists of only 2 badly stained white t-shirts, an XXXL size

hand me down dress shirt from his late uncle, a blood stained wifebeater from his domestic violence case from 3 years ago, and a pair of early 2000s jorts.

Despite the small selection and the fact that half of them probably don’t even fit him, he says choosing his outfit every day is

FINGER GUNS Since 1970

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Public Masturbator Upset At Community For Kink Shaming Space Filler


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