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Rutgers Entertainment Weekly www.rutgersmedium.com
Volume XLVI Issue VIII
November 6th, 2013
SUPER STAR SANDY
CHRISTIE THANKS HURRICANE SANDY FOR SECOND TERM
BY BAKING UP TROUBLE MANAGING EDITOR
NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ--After Chris Christie was declared the victor in yesterday’s general election against state Senator Barbara Buono, the Governor decided to end his long-winded campaign by giving a big thanks to Hurricane Sandy. “It was because of you, Sandy, that the citizens of New Jersey started to believe that I was a caring and compassionate individual,” said Christie. “Once I coined the phrase, “stronger than the storm” and gave President Obama that bear hug while wearing my navy colored fleece sweater, it was all smooth sailing from there.” After the state was hit hard by Hurricane Sandy last year, countless New Jersey residents decided to throw away their
"LOOK AT THAT FATASS TWERK!" Govenor Chris Christie pictured with his best friend and possible running mate Hurricane Sandy.
core beliefs and focus their at- the influence of the reality show, tention solely on the progress “Jersey Shore,” has been a leadthat was being made along the ing factor in this obsession with Jersey coast. It is believed that Continued on Page 2
HAIRY SITUATION
Feminist Group Co-sponsors No Shave No-vember BY BONER ADVENTURE NEWS EDITOR
NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ–The feminist group “No Penises Allowed” on Rutgers campus have decided to join up with groups like Movember International, Oxfam, and various Greek Organizations to bring No Shave No-vember to Rutgers Campus. “This is no longer an old boys club anymore, you can all be a part of this, even if you are a woman,” said organization President Leaf Tree Blossom. There has been lots of preparation for this year's festivities. Normally guys just don’t shave and say that they are a part of the celebration. This year, men and women are encouraged to register with the various tables and choose which way they want to celebrate. A woman at one of these tables said, “Most women choose to not shave their legs, which is fine, but a really good "THESE ARE THE MARKINGS OF A TRUE WOMAN" way to shove it to the oppressive The following leg hair designs are sponsored by "No Penises Allowed." penis-wielding man is to grow a Continued on Page 2
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