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Rutgers Entertainment Weekly www.rutgersmedium.com
Volume xliI Issue XI
50¢
NOVEMBER 30, 2011
NEWS
'OCCUPY GREASE TRUCKS' GENERATES NOTORIETY, WEIGHT GAIN BY SUM DUM JOO NEWS EDITOR
COLLEGE AVE—After thousands of Rutgers students successfully attended "Occupy Mom's House" this weekend, they returned to campus with a fire in their heads and a spirit in their hearts. "We were back in New Brunswick and I felt like I still needed to do something more," said student Walter Koenig. "But, as soon as stepped back onto campus, I remembered that my beloved Grease Trucks needed protecting!" Koenig was not alone. Within hours of the return to campus, several students converged on the intersection of Hamilton Street and College Avenue to protest the possible relocation of the Grease Trucks, a collection of food trucks that have become a beloved campus landmark. "They can't be moved!" exclaimed sophomore Brittany
SPORTS QUICKIES
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell puts Lions DT Ndamukong Suh in time-out for 30 minutes Jets coach Rex Ryan thankful his brother wasn't at family dinner for Thanksgiving so he could eat all the stuffing
IN'TENTS' EATING Protesters noted that their tents had begun smelling like fries.
Welch. "The only way I know how to get back to Phi Sig while piss drunk is by following the lights of the trucks and the smell of recycled grease!" Indeed, the protestors came for a variety of reasons to keep the Grease Trucks where they were.
NEWS IN PICTURES
Supermarkets restock shelves according to new government standards
"I live over at the Easton Avenue Apartments," said Randall Walker, a 450 pound student. "If I have to walk a single step further to get my two 'Fat Bitches' with extra bacon, I'd have a heart attack!" Continued on Page 2
MORE NEWS IN PICTURES
Newly formed couple agrees to 'add/drop' period in relationship Wait, you could see the funky colors? Crap! I forgot this was a color issue this week! Every week I fuck with the text but its printed grey so nobody notices! That was my special thing!
'Winter is coming!' announces festive sweater
DELICIOUS AND NUTRITIOUS "No son, you can't eat your dessert until you have your Combos!"
Whores of a different color! ESTABLISHED 1970