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INSTA: @themediumRU
october 19th, 2016
Volume LII Issue VI 50¢ JUST LET US DIE
DONALD TRUMP STILL IN THE FUCKING NEWS
BY MISTER SENOR LOVE DADDY DEPRESSED
EW YORK—Recent reports N have confirmed the Republican nominee for President of the United States, Donald Trump, is somehow still in the fucking news. After the most recent arbitrary thing Trump has done, various news outlets are having a field day ripping him apart. As inconceivable as it is that one person could consistently dominate headlines every day for an entire year, Trump is still doing it. Jonathan McBride, a local voter, expresses is frustration with the news. “I turn on CNN, FOX, NBC, doesn’t matter. It’s just him. There isn’t anything else on my TV anymore. I used to turn on the news to see what’s going on in the world, and now I don’t even bother. I can’t believe how long they’re drawing this shit out.” McBride, like many
WOW, ANOTHER FUCKING HEADLINE Donald Trump does a thing which inevitably pisses off human beings
American voters, is fed up with the current state of reporting. The most baffling part of all of this is that every arbitrary thing Trump does actually is more ridiculous than the last. The public is anxiously awaiting the day when our news stations will report on the things we care about. McBride asks,
Why can't we just turn on the news and see some Syrian city being levelled by drone strikes, like in the good old days? I just want it to go back to the way it was before." McBride, like most of the public, hopes the news will return to normal after the election on November 8th.
FUCK PENN STATE, OBVIOUSLY
Saddam Hussein's Daughter To Attend Penn State
BY PAULIE VALENTINE
UNIVERSITY PARK, PA—After getting accepted to three major U.S. universities, the daughter of the former Iraqi dictator, Rana Saddam Hussein, has committed early to Penn State. Rana, who has been an Iraqi expat living in Yemen for the last 3 years, will be the first Muslim woman in her family to attend
who are often stigmatized in Muslim societies. This volunteer work is what helped her most in her application process. “Even though she got a 1650 on her SAT scores, her multicultural background, volunteering, and a great personal essay really convinced us” said admissions officer Janet Ferris who felt directly with Rana’s application. an American university. “Penn state, above all, is a “I’m very excited to be in America,” said Rana in an moral institution,” Said Rana, interview with the paper, “Iraq “They would never let anything has not been too much fun lately, bad happen to children and so I’m excited for this next step that’s why I’m most excited to attend.” in my journey.” Rana is awaiting rooming According to Rana’s guidance counselor she’s assignments in an all women’s worked volunteering for young dormitory, and is excited to go male victims of sexual assault, to American football games.
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