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Rutgers Entertainment Weekly www.themediumonline.com
Volume xli Issue viii
50¢
October 27th, 2010
MIS-MATCH UP
QUICKIES
Girl with bloodstained pants not "God damnit if New York doesn't win the World Series," mutters Selig actually wearing a BY MUNGO BUNGO costume CONTRIBUTING WRITER
GIANTS TO FACE RANGERS IN WORLD SERIES ARLINGTON, TX—In an unprecedented turn of events, MLB Commissioner Bud Selig has decided to replace the San Francisco Giants and Texas Rangers with the New York Giants and New York Rangers in the upcoming World Series. By including the New York market in the Championship series, the MLB plans to increase its popularity by focusing on “the only area that still cares about baseball.” Sources say that the decision was made quickly and was allegedly determined right after Selig was repeatedly taunted by fellow baseball officials. "They said I wouldn't do it. They said I had no balls. I felt it my duty to prove those assholes wrong," commented Selig, who is both proud of and thrilled with his choice. Both the NY Giants and NY Rangers expressed excitement when informed they would be
"Well, I was feeling like a monster yesterday," said sophomore Kelly Pierce. "Tee hee!"
TOP OF THE EIGHTH QUARTER ...thing is, the ball hasn't been pitched yet.
playing for the World Series title. Each organization promises a hard fought and exhilarating championship series. Since neither side has any experience in professional baseball, the teams appear to be evenly matched. Eli Manning will make his career start as pitcher in Game One, where he will make every effort to avoid hitting every single batter he faces. He will face Swedish Rangers goaltender Henrik Lundqvist, who, after re-
cently discovering the concept of baseball, cannot wait for the series to begin. The athletes are not the only people pumped for this year's baseball championship. Since both the Philadelphia Phillies and the New York Yankees failed to make it to the World Series, the news has been received surprisingly warmly around campus. "As a long time baseball fan, I find this match up incredcontinued, “WORLD SERIES” page 2
COMFORTABLY DUMB
Gov. adds pot regulations after seeing Pink Floyd's 'The Wall'
BY DAN "OMAN" CHOG JR. AND LI'L BIT STAFF WRITERS
TRENTON—Governor Christie came clean on Friday after Point Pleasant residents reported marijuana smoke coming from a beach house the Governor owned. The controversy has angered protesters due to the recent furore surrounding the lowering of THC levels in medical marijuana. His “experimentation for the benefit of the public” allowed him to see that marijuana plants with high THC levels may be less than beneficial for the public’s welfare. “Holy shit, I got high,” said Governor Christie in a press conference Friday. “Holy shit. I almost started tripping balls. No one should ever be allowed to do that, ever!”
Kid dressed up as NBPD cop actually an undercover cop dressed up as a cop disguising himself as a kid dressed as an undercover cop Which means underage drinking is OKAY!
Sexual Assault Awareness walk to be held this Saturday Lord knows it'll probably be happening," said Director of Public Health Mary Ann Caplinger, "...but you might be too drunk to be aware!"
Hipster serial killer wears Jason Voorhees mask just to be ironic "It was either that or go as Steve Zissou..."
Skeleton embarrassed by blatantly obvious boner
LEADIN' HIGH
Christie would not comment on whether or not tax payer dollars paid for his "prime shit."
Christie is, reportedly, using this experience as the baseline for how patients prescribed medical marijuana experience the drug. Potential patients under the Compassionate Care Program claim that reducing THC levels does not put the best
interest of patients first. “You don’t understand,” said the Governor. “Have you ever seen ‘The Wall?’ I mean, really seen it? It’s a mindfuck, man. Like, I dunno man.” An associate of Christie’s, who asked to be referred to as
Fuck Tricks, Get Treats ESTABLISHED 1970
"Oh he's hard all right," said fellow skeleton Fineas Wakefield, after a recent party. "All that grinding he was doing, I knew he was gonna pop a boner sooner or later."
Students dressed as Antoine Dodson cause false alarm "No one was actually raping everybody out here. You did not need to hide your kids or wife. You are so dumb. You are really dumb. For real."