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INSTA: @themediumRU
October 14th 2015
Volume XLX Issue V 50¢ ARE YOU SYRIOUS!?!?!?!?
STUDENT SPEAKS OUT ABOUT FRIEND WHO JOINED ISIS BY SAWYER DRUZE EDITOR
NEW BRUNSWICK—Recent photographs of Islamic State in Iraq show Oregon-native Bobby El-Wajahidiya (né Roberts) destroying an ancient Babylonian temple recently vacated of its priceless relics. El-Wajahidiya drew national focus and the attention of commuter student David Mathieu. Mathieu, currently studying Political Science and Ancient Civilizations, was once pen pals with the famous Johnny Jihad. He came to our reporters with the story: "I was absolutely shocked to see Bobby in the picture. I recall him writing about his longing to travel the world. It seemed romantic at the time. If I hadn't lost his address in the move all those years ago, I would still be in correspondence with him, a terrorist! "I've tried reaching out to him on Facebook, but apparently El-Wajahidiya is as
FEEL THE FUN This is one snap shot of a post card sent from ISIS through the US Postal Service.
common a last name as Bobby is a first name. I doubt I could read a thing on his timeline anyway." What may have sent young Bobby to be enlisted in the Islamic State? Why does he hate America and all that is unquestionably good in the world? Roberta Roberts, Bobby's mother, was reached for answers. "He just always wanted to travel but we never had the money. One day, he came to
me excitedly, saying he would visit the Middle East. I asked him how, figuring it must be unorthodox and I had been thinking about 'crowdsourcing' a trip for him. He told me he got recruited by a startup. 'Israel?' I asked. 'Islamic State.' That was the moment I realized he was a monster and always had been. Mrs. Roberts continued to produce postcards from her son, with greetings such as "My Continued on Page 2
GIRTH FROM THE EARTH
Groundbreaking Discovery Found at Rutgers Construction Site BY RANDY BUTTERNUBS HALIBUT MASTER
PISCATAWAY— A monumental discovery was accidentally made last week during the construction of the new Chemistry Building on Busch Campus, as an intriguing human skull with a penile perforations was uncovered. The skull was immediately sent to the Anthropology Department, where researchers came to the unanimous conclusion that this skull represents the earliest evidence of skull fucking in the human race’s extensive history. and presents with an inch-and- being held in the Ruth Adams Carbon-14 dating reveals the a-half-diameter cock hole in left Continued on Page A7 skull to be over 15,000 years old temple. The skull is currently
TURNT UP Since 1970
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