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Rutgers Entertainment Weekly www.rutgersmedium.com
Volume XLVI Issue I
January 30th, 2013
DIVANAUGURAL
Michelle Obama outshined at Inauguration by President's stunning Gown BY SUM DUM JOO AND Li'l Bit IN CHARGE
WASHINGTON D.C.-- While many flocked to the second inauguration of President Barack Obama, others were more excited about the Inaugural Ball and its incidentals. “I, like many others, was really excited about what food would be served and what kind of fashion the First Couple would be wearing,” said culture blogger Dax Richards. “But when they came out into the ballroom for the first time, my jaw just fell to the floor. That dress was the highlight of the entire event.” While many fashion con- EAT YOUR HEART OUT, MUBARAK The dress caused the Speaker of the House to have a huge Boehner. scious would expect that quote “We wanted something mestic policy experience.’” to concern First Lady Michelle President Obama was met Obama, Richards was actually iconic,” said Versace, who has referring to the Commander in designed dresses for celebrities gasps and applause as he enChief’s outfit for the evening: like Halle Berry, Reese With- tered the Inaugural Ballroom, a cross-seasonal evening dress erspoon, and Amy Adams. “I his five inch heels clicking in custom designed for the Presi- wanted the dress to say ‘Yes, time with ‘Hail to the Chief.’ His dent by Donatella Versace and I am Leader of the Free World, wife, Michelle showed glimpses Continued on Page 2 the closest members of her staff. but I’m not just here for my do-
Grow a pair
Student who broke up with his girlfriend before winter break "Needs to man the fuck up already", friends say BY EVERYDAY I'M Trufflin' News EDITOR
NEW BRUNSWICK-- School of Arts and Sciences Junior Tyler Roode was told by his closeknit group of friends yesterday to "man the fuck already"; after failing to hook up with anyone for the past three weeks. Roode, who had broken up with his girlfriend of 10 months just before winter break, was distraught over going out to the bars this weekend. "I mean, I don't know if I can do this. I havn't been out in the field for a while... God I miss Jenna." lamented Roode, who continued to act like a pussy the rest of the day wallowing in his bed listening to "Swing,
50¢ quickies
George Lucas confirms J.J. Abrams can hold his megaphone while he directs the new Star Wars Trilogy Super senior just pointing and grunting at food in takeout line Recent Rutgers grad disappointed he’s not riding on anyone’s coat tails yet “I can’t believe none of my friends are working and making seven figures, and how is it none of them won the lottery either?!”, Mason Gross grad Chad Tern yelled from his parents basement
Woman chokes to death on pill meant to improve gag reflex Her boyfriend continued to play Xbox Live.
Hillary Clinton promises to run for President in 2016 if, “Everyone would just shut the fuck up and stop asking Pine Trees still not sure what they're longing
These depressed saps needle little something more in their lives. Maybe they should Swallowing sadness... pack up their trunks and take a Roode also spent his time in stairwells crying his girly eyes out nice vacation. Swing" by the All-American Re- friend Ryan Gretz. "We've been jects. Needless to say, his friends trying to get him laid for the AT & T stock past three weeks so he could weren't having any of it. promises to raise "Re-god-damn-diculous is Continued on Page 2 what it is!" said Roode's best
ZOMG SENIORSSSS! ESTABLISHED 1970
the bar this year