To my roommate: You smell ! I cannot stand being in the room with you at the same time because you smell so , it is really . I am not the only one who thinks this, the whole thinks it. I am going to send you just so you might get the hint. It is . I went out and I have bought like 10 cans of , yet still the smell just overwhelms the room. I was so that it was me who smelled like , but I’m that I’ve realized its you. You ! Enjoy the . i like to eat cuz they come out of my and they taste like Carol likes girls. To the downstairs who doesn’t understand why I : I you. Just it, you are a and likes you. I would rather get by a and drink then . You are a . This goes to the girl from Douglass who only talks about . You are the most person I know. Do not ever again!! Do not waste everyone’s time talking about . And by the way-you look like a !! FOR EACH TIME YOU SEND ME A I’M ! TAKE ME OFF LIST OR I WILL BE . This goes out to all the in Quant class who won’t . You know who you are-. I would just like to let you all know that I hope you miserably. To John , you are the , man I know. Every week I reading your articles. I want to and and slap you across the face with a . now please I, Richard Brady do here to the for including hateful, scary personals towards . It happen again. I you all. this being written to fill space. i promise you that. send some personals so we can be CRAZY COMPLETELY Tony - I have done nothing morally or emotionally to corrupt you...why do you feel the need to constantly listen to flickerstick? it made me want to crap my pants. please come out of your room and play strip poker with me and some wallabies i found down at mcgarry’s. i love you you little wee wee! (I learned recently that the B-52’s did the Rocko’s Modern Life theme song. Fuckin A!) DC is gay. All of the guys who try to go on there to get a date are gay...heck, if they’re looking in DC to get a date then heck, they must be gay. The only people you’ll find on there is a bunch of pathetic losers w i t h no lives. Darn DC hermits, just take up space.. some of them, too much space... Love you always, Temutsu Kori yo. (I’m just glad he’s not making fun of Then I’d be in real trouble. I love lesbians!!!) wwwwww.themedium.nettt I want to know why everybody at Rutgers drives a fucking Eclipse? They’re everywhere: in the College Ave. deck. In the parking lots. Go by Seminary Place at any time and you’ll see 3 or 4 of them parked one behind the other. Then there’s the white convertible 2-door Mercedes, but that’s a nice fucking car so he’s out of this. But fuck those people in their suped-up Ford Tauruses. What a piece of shit! Get a base-model BMW for Christ’s sake. All that wasted money you people put into your parents’ left over car could buy a decent one even if you can’t afford power windows. Fuck Rutgers! EVERY TIME YOU MASTURBATE, GOD KILLS A KITTEN! PLEASE THINK OF THE KITTENS! (Oh, don’t worry... I’m thinking of the kittens riiiiiiiiiiiiight now... mmmmm............yeah....) The Ayatollah Granola says: To all you meat-lovers out there, the Ayatollah Granola says “Fuck You” for fucking up the natural balance, misinterpreting your own sacred texts (Genesis, Old Testament), and using up all the rest of the grain, water, and energy! (I have a motzah shaped like Moses. If that’s not kosher, then what is?) This goes out to the girl in my cog class. Yeah-the big class on Liv M-W. During the exam on Wednesday you looked like a fat cow. Hint-do not where really low jeans and a see through white shirt where your midriff shows if you are chunky! You looked like shit. Please spare us all next time and wear something that fits!!!!!! LOOK DOWN FOR FUN! Has anyone seen my cock? It should be around here somewhere. I gotta go pee so i should be able to find it sooner or later. anyway, who likes gingersnaps? i don’t. so if you do, why don’t you just eat a lot of them and poop them out later. maybe your poop will smell like ginger snaps. or like dog food. i do like to eat food, though. maybe we all could hang out and eat food and poop it out and see if the poop smells like the food we ate. or maybe not, but i like food. and tv. tv is cool. but i only like to watch the simpsons and eat food. in any case poop. poop is not fun to throw at friends. however it is fun to throw it at enemies and others bring horror to the world like nazis or hardcore kids. the following is a photograph of steven q. urkel, played by jaleel white. as he was (and still is) a hilarious sitcom character, you will laugh after you look at it. OR!!! EVERY TIME YOU KILL A KITTEN, GOD MASTURBATES (Yes. Yes I do.) To all the Super Hot East/ South East Asian chicks on Busch: Fuck You for not datin’ outside your “races & shamassed religions.” Jokes on you though; by holding onto your (As the owner of a 93 Ford antiquated notions of race, you Taurus, I must say fuck you.) deprive your sons of the chance at healthy penises. Ha, okay thanks Ha Signed “Super Cock” (T’anks for nothin, Danny.) faggotry. everyday i wake up Be on the lookout for an ar- wanting faggotry to enter my ticle from yours truly, your soon life, and usually it does. how i to be leader/mentor/ wish faggotry could be a knowledge.sensai,YourBetter. part of everyone’s life, but hey Dad! it’s Bubba! yeah! crushing my feet makes me feel like a girl (That’s hot.) I pity the cutie-pie Desi - Indian chicks who don’t date outside their “race.” I guess y’all must be addicted to mediocre dick & limp-lovin. Don’t be scared though, once you stop gettin stretched by Mr. Badcox, your honey pot will shrink back to “British” dimensions in about a month. Ha, Ha. Signed “Johnny Badcox & Jacque Richards” (At least you were politically correct and called them Indians. That was nice.) to teresa s., thank you for letting me come in your bedroom and have sex with you last monday. that was kind of fun. it is nice how i am not obliged to talk to you before or after the sex. so thanks!!! ORIGINAL MADLIB SECTION!!! To the little that used my pillow for purposes 2 nights ago: Son of a . That was my idea. Get your own and use your own Justin Timberlake ~Tipper Personals “Pork away, pal! Fuck her blue.” Mittwoch, 3/4/02 if you did not laugh, and would like your own “hilarious” shit in this fine newspaper, send your personals to: unibutt@mad.scientist.com there’s comedy, there’s high comedy, there’s trancendent comedy, and then there is the comedy that is rutgers! what a joke! faggotry is only for faggots. (I know I’m laughing.) Every day i like to start the day with a bowl of cereal cuz it has a lot of sugar and that is my favorite food. I love it because it is so good and it makes me not tired.One of my favorites is Count Chocula