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Rutgers Entertainment Weekly www.themediumonline.com
Volume xli Issue xvi
february 16th, 2011
50¢
CLASSY JOURNALISM
TARGUM EBOARD ENDS YEAR WITH DIGNITY; STRIPPERS BY SUM DUM JOO NEWS EDITOR
MINE STREET—Early Friday morning, the 142nd Editorial Board of the Daily Targum shut down their computers for the last time and said tearful good byes to one another. The student-run newspaper, whose editorial board is selected through a yearly caucus in February, quickly transitioned into its 143rd Board on Monday. Some staff members went home to rest and prepare for the week ahead, when a new team would report on the current state of affairs in the University community. "But for the rest of us," said outgoing EIC Neil Phoenix Kypers. "It's time to get crazy." At approximately 12:20 am Friday, Kypers greeted a large black stretch limo that was waiting outside the Targum's Mine Street offices. Writers, editors and photographers boarded the vehicle and were promptly handed glasses of champagne and party hats. Af-
ter about twenty minutes of driving, Kypers stuck his head out the sunroof of the limo and screamed "I'M FUCKING NEIL KYPERS! YOU AIN'T GOT SHIT ON ME! FUCK ALL Y'ALL!" "I'm assuming he just wanted to blow off some steam," said Staff Writer Joseph Ortiz. "But I started getting concerned when he pulled out a large baggie of cocaine." Indeed, many members of the staff were put off by the location of Kypers's proposed "Surprise After Party:" Delilah's Den Gentlemen's Club off Route 37. "I was reluctant to go in, but he said the night had already been 'taken care of,'" said Sports Editor Steve Miller. "I know that [Neil Kypers] gets paid to run the paper, but I didn't think he got paid that much" The rest of the evening went by "like a blur" according to most of the staff, but sources report that various tomfooleries by the staff occurred, including the University section editors doing body shots off a woman
HOT PRESS
Despite the club's "No Camera" policy, an unnamed Targum photography editor was able to snap this pic of the former EIC.
known as "Tea Leaves," and the Sports section utilizing the "Champagne Room" for several hours. "Let's just say my rent has been paid for the coming year," said "Bianca," a dancer at the club.
The staff returned to College Avenue around 8:30 that morning, where they promptly grabbed copies of their final issue, and used them to clean up the mess they made during the super fun "After-After Party" in the limo.
NEWS IN PICTURES
IN FOCUS
Students Shocked by Quality of NBPD Brutality Video
Det. Sugarlumps Uncovers Prostitution Ring in NB
BY JOHNNY CHALLENGER MANAGING EDITOR
MINE STREET—Students are shocked and outraged to find that a recent video depicting the savage beating of a Rutgers student by New Brunswick Police was extraordinarily high in quality and actually watchable. Historically, videos depicting police brutality were filmed using lowresolution camera phones with poor audio sampling leaving the viewer either outraged or nearsighted from squinting. The now-acclaimed YouTube user Jerz15 using a Canon EOS 5D camera, a $2,500 21.1 megapixel workhorse of any aspiring police corruption director, made this stunning debut into the world of brutality films. “At first I thought [Rutgers Student Brutally Beaten by NBPD] was just going to be another dumb, cheap Rodney King B-Movie knockoff,” said SAS-
Sophomore Ryan Jeffries. “But when I heard the clear, high-definition audio and saw the brilliant use of police car lighting, I was hooked. My Oscar pick for sure.” Many students interviewed after seeing the video claimed that they “felt multiple punches of professionalism” rain down on their heads While others began buying up high quality cameras of their own in hopes of becoming KEEPING HIS PIMP HOOF STRONG—Det. Sugarlumps, a recently promoted member of the Mounted Patrol, went undercover to the underbelly of New Brunsthe next Jerz15. Best Buy stores wick, resulting in twelve arrests. Continued, “NBPD” page 2
Running Out of Witty Things ESTABLISHED 1970