LUCAS
Copyright © 2022 by K. Lucas
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This is a work of fiction. All the names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents in this book are either the product of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
EBook ISBN: 978-1-958445-07-5
Paperback ISBN: 978-1-958445-08-2
Hardback ISBN: 978-1-958445-09-9
Cover Design by Pretty In InkCreations
Editing andProofreading by My Brother’s Editor
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
4. Nine Years Ago
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
8. Eight Years Ago
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
11. Seven Years Ago
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
23. Six Years Ago
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
30. Five Years Ago
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
CONTENTS
Chapter 34
35. Four Years Ago
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
40. Three Years Ago
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
44. Two Years Ago
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
50. One Year Ago
Chapter 51
Chapter 52
Chapter 53
Chapter 54
Chapter 55
Chapter 56
Chapter 57
Chapter 58
Chapter 59
Chapter 60
61. Now Thank you!
Bonus Easter Egg Scene
Acknowledgments About the Author Let’s Connect!
Also by K. Lucas
Formyhusband
When I open my eyes, my wife is sitting on my waist, hovering over me. Her long chestnut hair hangs down onto my face, brushing against my cheeks. She smells of vanilla and fresh air and all I want to do is breathe her in, to absorb every ounce of her.
Thunder rolls outside; rain patters against the window above our bed. I smile at her even through my sleepy haze. Kendra hasn’t wanted to make love in ages. She has a thing for thunderstorms though, and I want to thank Mother Nature for working her magic tonight. Waking up like this doesn’t bother me in the slightest.
I reach for Kendra’s hips, eager to take her up on the offer. I’m almost shaking from excitement, like a damned teenager, but she pushes my hands away.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, confused. I wipe the sleep from my vision so I can get a better look at her face.
She doesn’t answer me, only grimaces.
In an instant, the breath is stolen from me. I gasp as something punches into my gut, robbing me of oxygen. My mouth gapes, but no words will come.
Kendra’s eyes are cold, hard. Her arm reaches back. There’s a moment when the pressure eases, but then I’m hit again— higher, harder.
I stare at her with wide eyes as the life leaves me. “Kendra—” I choke.
“Don’t,” she says through clenched teeth, still hovering over me.
There are specks of my blood on her cheek. I want to reach up, to brush them away, but I can’t lift my arms. I go numb as the blood drains from my body. The knife she’s driven into me is removed and replaced again and again until I know no more.
Iwake up gasping for air. One hand flies to my throat, the other to my stomach. I pat myself down, swallow a few times, then sigh with relief. Itwasjustadream—worstfuckingdreamI’veeverhad.
The room is still dark other than when lightning flashes. I see Kendra’s form next to me, huddled beneath the blankets. I feel her weight on the bed beside me. I reach across to touch her, feel her for my own peace of mind.
“What is it?” she asks.
I freeze, my arm in midair. She’s not asleep. And I didn’t wake her . Her voice isn’t raspy—she’s been wide awake. Forhowlong?
“Bad dream,” I say, pulling my arm back.
She makes a noncommittal noise and shifts her weight. I settle back into my pillow, sighing again. I can’t remember a time when a dream felt so real, and it’s terrifying. The way her eyes bore into my soul, the way she almost snarled at me when she brought the knife down into me. I shudder, trying to block the image from my mind.
My eyelids grow heavy, slowly drooping down. I let them close, wanting sleep to come, wanting morning to be here already. All I need is to fall back asleep, and in the morning I won’t remember a thing.
Kendra shifts again. I’m on the cusp of oblivion when she moves over me. Her long hair dangles in my face, tickling my cheeks and forehead. Her scent fills my lungs, that same smell that makes my eyes want to roll back inside my head. I think about grabbing her hips and a bolt of fear shoots down my spine. My eyes pop open. She meets my gaze and then plunges a knife into me.
Adream within a dream. That’s all it was. I stare at the ceiling, panting, disbelieving. I feel myself for any signs of damage, the memory of the very real pain still lingering. I’m okay—completely whole and put together.
Kendra breathes steadily beside me, rolled over on her side beneath the blankets. Justlike inmy dream. I move away from her, toward the edge of the bed.
Something about her breathing bothers me. I know it shouldn’t itwasjusta dream… but it’s a struggle to even look at her sleeping form.
Isshehavingnightmarestonighttoo?
A yawn escapes my lips. I’m so tired, it’s like I haven’t slept in days. All I want to do is go back to sleep and yet—I hesitate. Is it possible to have a dream within a dream within a dream? God, I hope not, but who the hell knows? I’ve never experienced anything like this and I’m starting to think I need to just get up and start my day early.
The look in Kendra’s eyes as she hovered over me—so cold, so real. Twice—I shudder again. There’s no way I can sleep now. Not after that.
I give in to the urge to look in her direction. Just as my eyes meet her form, I see her hand slip from beneath the covers to scratch an itch. She’spretendingtobeasleep. She was awake in my dream—both dreams.
I gulp. Dread rises in my stomach, I’m on the brink of panic. I can feel the blood in my veins turning to ice.
Slowly, I reach across to my nightstand. I flip the switch at the bottom of my lamp, flinching at the sound it makes even though I know it’s coming. I squint, preparing for the light in the pitch-black room. Nothing happens.
I flip it again in the other direction. Still, nothing. I lean over the edge of the bed, reaching for the plug that must’ve somehow been yanked free of the wall.
“What are you doing?”
I almost jump out of my skin at her voice next to my ear.
“Jesus Kendra, you scared me half to death.” I find the plug—it’s still in the wall. “Power’s out,” I say, easing myself back from the edge.
“I’m not surprised. It’s been storming all night.”
I swing my legs over the side of the bed. “I’m going downstairs to check the breakers. You want anything?”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“It’s no big deal. I can’t sleep anyway.” I reach my toes out, trying to feel for my house shoes so I don’t have to stand on the cold floor.
“It’s not going to make a difference.”
Kendra’s glacial tone makes me freeze at the edge of the bed. My heart jumps into my throat and suddenly I couldn’t care less about the slippers.
“Why not?” I croak.
“Because I already checked,” she whispers in my ear.
Pain rips through my back. I cry out in a mixture of surprise, agony, and outrage. No,no,no,thiscan’tbehappening!
The knife she’s used to cleave my back open is pulled free. My open flesh screams in agony. I start to rise, to get away, but a blow comes again with so much force this time I’m knocked off the bed to the floor.
“Kendra!” I cry. “Don’t do this.” I can’t move. I’m paralyzed. Crawl,dammit,crawl.Nothing works. My arms won’t reach, my legs won’t bend.
Kendra gets off the bed. She takes one step toward me and then another, prowling like a predator. As she approaches, a single thought consumes me. Thisisreal.I’mnotdreaming.Thisis—
My wife grabs a fistful of my hair, yanks my head back, and slits my throat.
NINE YEARS AGO
Sitting in front of the enormous vanity mirror, Kendra watched the women pamper and prep her hair and skin to perfection. She wasn’t used to this kind of treatment, at least not to this extreme, but thought she could get used to it. Goose bumps ran up her arms as the brush ran over her scalp and down the length of her hair. A snag.
“Sorry,” one of the women crooned. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, it’s okay,” Kendra said, trying not to wince at the pain. If she squinted too hard, her mascara might clump.
Kendra watched the woman work her way through the tangle as gently as she could before continuing to brush the rest of her hair. She sighed inwardly, loving the pampering, but frankly—bored. She had another hour and a half of this at least, until the ceremony and would have to sit here in this chair for pretty much the entire time. Her eyes moved to the corner of the mirror, where her wedding dress hung. A flurry of butterflies broke out in Kendra’s stomach. She grinned—she couldn’t help herself.
“Getting nervous?” Megan asked beside her. Kendra’s maid of honor was getting the works too, but unlike Kendra, she’d hardly looked up from her phone.
“Not really,” Kendra said. “More—excited.”
“Good! You should be. Seth is the luckiest guy.”
“I think I’m pretty lucky too.” Kendra smirked, thinking Megan might be a little jealous if she knew exactly how good Seth treated her.
“It’s your wedding day, so I won’t argue—this time,” Megan said. She looked up from her phone to smile at Kendra. “He’s not going to be able to keep his eyes off you in that dress.”
“That’s the idea, isn’t it?”
They both laughed before each picking their phones back up— Kendra to play a mind-numbing game to distract her from the anxiety and Megan to check Facebook.
AN HOUR AND A HALF LATER, Megan and the other bridesmaids were helping Kendra into her wedding gown. Kendra’s phone went off, but she was too busy and had her hands full of dress.
“Megan, see who it is, will you?”
Megan looked at the phone and frowned. “Hang on a minute,” she told Kendra before answering. She held the phone up to her ear, listening, her face slowly draining of color the longer she did.
“Who is it?” Kendra asked.
Megan waved her off, then walked into the other room. Soon, Kendra heard Megan yelling at the person on the phone.
“What the hell is going on?” she said to her other bridesmaids.
They shared a look with each other before distracting Kendra with other things. By the time the dress was all the way on, and the
train was tied up, Megan was back in the room with a fake smile plastered to her face.
She huffed. “Sorry, that was just the caterer. It’s all figured out now. Nothing to worry about.”
“God, with all that screaming, you really had me worried. I thought something happened to Seth.”
Megan’s fake grin fell a little. She chuckled a little too loudly. “Right!”
Kendra stared at her. “Okay… so are we late? How much time do we have?”
“We… have a few minutes.”
“Megan. Tell me what the hell is going on. A caterer wouldn’t make you look like that.”
“Nothing! Everything is fine, I swear.”
Kendra turned to her other bridesmaids. “Would one of you mind grabbing me a shot of something? I have a feeling I’m going to need it.”
They both shared a look with Megan, who nodded. “We’ll run to the bar downstairs.” They each gave Kendra a hug before leaving the room.
Kendra moved to the suite’s bedroom to sit against the edge of the bed.
“You’ll wrinkle your dress!” Megan cried.
“I don’t give a damn, Megan. I know you’re trying to spare me, but all you’re doing is making me sweat. Tell me. Now.”
Megan moved to sit beside her. She grabbed her hand and squeezed. “Seth—he’s—missing.”
“What?” Kendra stood with a jerk, beginning to pace the room.
“No one can get a hold of him. His best man and groomsmen, his parents—everyone’s tried calling—he’s nowhere.”
“Did they go to the house?”
“Yes. They retraced his route just in case there was an accident nothing.”
“I can’t believe this! I can’t believe this is happening!” Kendra was about to run her hands through her hair but stopped at the last moment, remembering the hour and a half she had to sit in the chair. On the verge of tears, she blinked, trying to keep from crying.
“See, this is what I was trying to prevent. I shouldn’t have told you!”
“This isn’t you. This is Seth!”
“There has to be a good explanation. He probably made a surprise stop somewhere, that’s all. He doesn’t have reception, and he’ll only be a few minutes late.”
“What if he’s hurt?”
“He isn’t. He’s fine.”
Kendra choked. “What if he—changed his mind?” She couldn’t stop the tears from falling now. I hope this makeup is waterproof, she thought. Then she thought, If there’s even going to be a ceremonytoday.
“There’s no way. He’s a crazy guy, but not that crazy. No way he would give you up, and especially not without a word.” Megan pulled her in close as Kendra broke down sobbing.
The other bridesmaids came back into the room with a bottle of rum and four shot glasses.
“Good thinking, ladies,” Megan said. “A little prewedding party sounds like just the thing.”
TWO HOURS LATER, Kendra, Megan, and the other bridesmaids were drunk, their hair and makeup were ruined, and the suite was a disaster. Kendra’s phone rang. She looked at the caller ID.
“Seth!” she answered with a slurred scream. “You have some kind of fucking nerve—”
“Kendra, where the hell are you? I’ve been waiting. Everyone is waiting.”
“You’ve been waiting on me? You’re the one who’s—” She checked the time. “Two hours late to our wedding!”
“I’m down here at the altar now. Would you please join me?”
Hot molten anger flowed through Kendra’s veins. She ended the call and threw her phone across the room with a scream. Her face flushed; her hands shook. She stared at the cracked screen of the phone that now lay on the hotel room floor.
“Who was it? What happened?” Megan and the others asked.
“That was Seth. He wants me to join him downstairs.” She began to cry again. “He didn’t even apologize.”
When Kendra finished crying, Megan asked, “What are you going to do? You’re not—”
“This has to be a misunderstanding,” Kendra slurred. She was so angry she couldn’t see straight but thought it might also be in part due to the booze. She wished she hadn’t gotten so drunk so she could think.
Embarrassment filled her down to her core, possibly more than the anger. She wondered how she could still marry Seth after what he’d done to her today—supposedly the happiest day of their lives. Then she wondered how she could give up a life with him without knowing the reason.
A text came through the cracked phone.
Kendra, I’m so sorry. Please, come marry my dumb ass and make me the happiest man alive. I’ll spend the rest of my days trying to make you just as happy as you make me.
Kendra swallowed her indecision. “Do you think you can make me presentable?” she asked her girls. Twenty minutes later, she was put back together. “Wedding March” began to play on the piano, and Kendra took her first steps down the aisle, ready to become Mrs. McKnight.
My eyes fly open. My hands bolt to my throat. Again.I sit up in bed, staring wide eyed into the dark room. I turn to see Kendra. Everythingisthesame.
It finally dawns on me. I don’t know why or how or anythingat all. But I do know it’s not just a nightmare. This is real. Somehow, I’m stuck in a loop—a fucked-up version of GroundhogDay. And my wife wants me dead.
I’m not going to let her kill me again. I scramble out of bed, holding my hands out to guide me through the dark. Lightning flashes outside, lighting up the room with a burst of light, enough for me to see the closed door.
“Where are you going?” Kendra asks.
I knew she would speak, but I still jump at the sound of her voice. When I do, my hand hits the lamp on my side of the table. It falls to the floor and shatters.
I cringe at the noise, holding my hands up to shield my face. Kendra’s hand touches my shoulder from behind. I scream and lash out at her blindly.
“Seth!” she cries, her voice filled with confusion.
I stop with a moment’s hesitation, making myself meet her eyes. It’s so dark I can’t make out her features well, but the storm through the window is reflected in her eyes. Kendra’s lips are pressed into a flat line.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” she asks.
“Don’t kill me.” I take a step away from her, leery of being too close.
A slight widening of her eyes. “What are you talking about?”
“You have a knife.”
Silence.
I take another step back.
“How’d you know?” she asks, all false confusion gone. The cold has seeped back into her, dripping ice from every word. She’s not even going to bother trying to continue lying.
The air is knocked from me as if her words were her knife. “Why?” I whisper.
Until this moment, I held on to the sliver of hope that maybe there was a mistake or misunderstanding. She couldn’t really want me dead. Not my wife. Not after everything we’ve been through—all the years. We love each other, we were—are—the exception!
Kendra scoffs. “Don’t make this harder than it has to be, Seth.”
“Harder than it has to be? Are you kidding me? Kendra, what the hell is going on?”
She lunges at me, catching me off guard. I scream as the knife slices into my forearm. In the struggle to keep her back, I step on pieces of the broken lamp. Shards dig into my heel.
I stumble, crying out in pain and frustration. I try to limp backward to the door, refusing to show her my back again, but she’s on me with a mission. Kendra swings her knife, missing once, twice, then—contact.
The tips of my index, middle, and ring fingers are sliced clean off. There’s a small thud when they land on the floor and I have to hold my stomach to keep from vomiting. Blood sprays from my open wounds that I now have tucked in close to my chest.
When I take another step back, pain radiates up my foot where the broken ceramic digs deeper in.
“Kendra, stop!” I yell.
She only growls at me and lunges again.
I dodge, but when I do, I step on a pillow instead of the hard floor. I’m thrown off-balance and as I falter, Kendra comes in for the kill.
She’sawake,thepowerisout,there’sapillowonthefloor .
I flip the covers off my body and over Kendra’s head, hoping to buy myself some precious seconds. Holding my arms out again for balance, I jump out of bed, not giving a damn about the slippers. With the adrenaline pumping through me, I can’t even feel the cold floor.
“Seth!” Kendra cries.
I ignore her and keep going for the door. I twist the handle, expecting it to be locked, wanting to cry with relief when it’s not. The door swings open and I rush through, headed straight for the staircase.
There are no windows near the landing, no lightning flashes shining through to light my way. The dark is even blacker than in the bedroom, and even my dilated pupils can’t make much out. I’m so overwhelmed with a sense of urgency. When I hear Kendra’s feet hit the floor, I stop trying to feel my way around and just move.
At the top step, the cat howls as I step on his tail. I scream in surprised outrage when he digs his teeth into the side of my foot. I’m off balance, trying to shake him off, trying to escape Kendra as
fast as possible. I reach for the banister but can’t find the damned thing.
“Where are you going?” Kendra’s voice is right behind me. It’s the final nail in my coffin—she doesn’t even have to stab me this time. In my panic, I move away from her, but my foot misses the step. I fall backward down the staircase, landing with a broken neck at the bottom step.
Thefuckingcat!
“Kendra, why the hell are you trying to kill me?” I yell at the top of my lungs, bewildered and full of bitter fury. The memory of the terrible pain in my neck still radiating through my mind. I enjoy the sight of her startling almost enough to smile.
Kendra turns to me with a perplexed look that seems to be genuine. “I’m—”
“Don’t even try to deny it. You’ve just killed me five goddamn times, and you won’t stop!” Anger rolls off me in waves. I don’t bother trying to rein it in—it won’t do any good anyway. I’m stunned that not only have I failed to stop her from continuing to murder me, and that I keep waking up—not dead, but that I have no idea why she keeps doing this. It’s time she forks over some answers.
Her jaw drops, and she flounders. “I’ve what? You’re dreaming, Seth.”
I bark a laugh. “Trust me, I’m not, but oh, how I wish I was.”
“If I’ve killed you fivetimes, then why aren’t you dead?”
“That, my dear, is the million-dollar question.”
She laughs in answer, a giggle that turns into full-blown hysteria. The situation is so ridiculous, so crazy, I could almost laugh with her.
Maybe if I wasn’t the one being murdered over and over. I’m sure she wouldn’t be laughing if she was the one in the hot seat.
“Kendra?”
“I’m—” she pants, trying to catch her breath. “I’m sorry. It’s just —” She wipes tears away and makes an effort to stop laughing but seems to be having great difficulty.
I’ve had about enough. I’m torn between trying to pull answers out of her and getting away while I still have the chance. I want to know why this is happening and how to make it stop—not just the murdering, but the loop. “It’s what?” I demand, slamming a fist against the wall behind us.
Kendra’s smile falls. “I thought for sure you had no idea.” She brings out the knife. Lightning strikes, reflecting off the blade. I scramble off the bed, but I don’t run this time. My heart is about to beat out of my chest. A little voice deep inside is screaming at me, Run,goddammit,Seth,run!But I hold my ground, desperate to get some kind of explanation.
Kendra stays on her side, watching me. “I don’t know how you found out,” she says, sober now. “Did Nick tell you?”
My eyebrows shoot to my hairline. Nick? Who the hell is Nick? “What does Nick have to do with this? He knows?” I take a step back. “Are you having an affair?” My mind reels. First, my wife tries to kill me, and now she’s having an affair. What’s next?
Kendra gives me a grim smile and tilts her head like I’m obtuse. “As much as I’d like to answer all of your questions, dear, I think it’s time for you to die.” She stands and takes a step around the foot of the bed toward me.
“Whoa, whoa, hang on.” I hold out my hands to her, remembering the recent loss of my fingertips. I press them together
just to make sure they’re still there. “Just tell me why. Why do you want me dead, Kendra?” Comeon,givemesomething!
Her lips press into a thin line as a flush creeps up her neck, so deep that it’s visible even in the low light. “You know why,” she hisses before lunging.
I dodge back, yanking the lamp off my bedside table and throwing it at Kendra’s face. It hits, but I’m still too slow. She slices my chest with a scream. I yell, grabbing the comforter off the bed in a panic, and throwing it at her.
It’s the only thing I can think to grab, but it works. While she struggles to free herself, I run for the door. “Shadow! Move, cat!” I cry, hoping he’ll move before I step on his tail again.
He growls and hisses at the sudden noise in his space, but it works. He darts across to another room as I step down. I make it past the first few steps when I hear my wife throw the knife. I only have a split second to react, and I’m still too slow.
It slams into my back with a crushing force. I take my last breath at the foot of the stairs.
EIGHT YEARS AGO
At two a.m., Kendra woke with the urgent need to pee. The pressure in her bladder was bad enough to make her cross her legs for a moment. Okay,okay, I’mgoin’!she thought, rolling out of bed. In the bathroom, just as she was about to do her business, she noticed the box of pregnancy tests sitting on the counter across from her. She and Seth had been trying to get pregnant since before they got married, and the box was a cruel reminder that it hadn’t happened yet. Whenwasmylastperiod?she thought.
The pressure in her bladder was almost too much to fight. She couldn’t remember when her last period was, so she grabbed the box, opened a fresh test, and did her business. The best time to test was the first pee of the day, or so they said, and Kendra wasn’t letting this one go to waste.
She sat on top of the toilet seat lid, staring down at the pregnancy test, waiting for the results to show. A few seconds passed and then—two blue lines appeared. Pregnant. Tears welled up in her eyes. After trying and trying and nothing—she’d been starting to wonder if having a baby was in their cards at all.
Biting her lip, she looked back at the box filled with spare tests. Just to make sure, she thought, grabbing a second one. A minute
later, it reflected the same results—pregnant.
Kendra couldn’t stop smiling. She laughed out loud, not caring if Seth heard. She cried tears of joy, wanting to remember this moment, in the middle of the night, forever. This was the happiest day of her life.
The first thing she wanted to do was run to Seth and wake him up to share the wonderful news. Then she remembered he was off work tomorrow. She decided she’d do something cute and creative, something the baby would get a kick out of—something they’d remember for the rest of their lives.
Kendra took the two tests back into the bedroom, stuck them inside her nightstand drawer, and climbed back into bed. When she was lying down next to Seth again, she held a hand against her stomach, thinking of how she might tell Seth. She wasn’t tired anymore, was far too excited, and didn’t think she’d be able to sleep again. But, within ten minutes, she was out like a light.
WHEN KENDRA WOKE AGAIN, it was to cramping so severe she doubled over in bed from the pain. “No!” she screamed, feeling the wetness between her thighs, knowing what it meant. There was only one thing it couldmean.
“What’s wrong?” Seth asked, sitting up beside her. He saw his wife moaning in pain and flipped the blankets off her to see what was going on.
Bright-red blood was soaked through her pajamas and all over their sheets. Kendra wouldn’t stop moaning and screaming. Nothing
she said was coherent enough for him to understand, but he had an idea. He jumped out of bed, threw on yesterday’s clothes, and went around to Kendra’s side of the bed.
“It’s going to be okay,” he told her, scooping her off the bed, trying not to cry himself.
KENDRA HELD on to Seth’s hand as the emergency room doctor examined her. She felt so weak—all she wanted to do was curl up into a ball and fade away. The pain medicine they’d given her helped some but didn’t do anything for her heart. My poor baby, she thought. Then, Ididn’tevengettotellSeth.Iguessheknowsnow.
Fresh tears welled in her eyes as the doctor asked her question after question.
Doyouknowyourdateofconception?
Whenwasyourlastperiod? Howbadisthepainnow? Howmuchblooddidyouseeathome?
Kendra let Seth answer for her when he was able to but for the most part, she was forced to speak. She wanted to go home—to be anywhere else besides there. She was too ashamed to meet Seth’s gaze. He kept looking at her, kept reassuring her, but all she wanted was to be alone, to just fall asleep and never have to face this nightmare again.
“This isn’t your fault,” the doctor was saying. “Miscarriages are unfortunately far more common than you would imagine, especially at such an early term.”
“Is that supposed to make her feel better?” Seth asked, anger filling his voice.
“I’m only trying to explain that this is normal. I’m so sorry for your loss, both of you.” She turned back to Kendra. “Most women go on to have as many healthy children as they want. A miscarriage does not necessarily mean you can’t get pregnant again.”
Kendra couldn’t speak, could only nod, her chin wobbling as she fought back tears.
Seth stood to shake the doctor’s hand. “Are we done here?”
“Yes. I recommend seeing your regular gynecologist, Kendra, if the pain gets worse or if the bleeding hasn’t stopped within about a week.” She handed Seth some paperwork filled with information he would obsess over for the next month and sent them on their way.
Seth took Kendra back home, changed their sheets, and helped her get cleaned up. They climbed back into bed together and he held her while she cried. “Remember, we don’t have to have a baby,” he whispered. “I love you, and I want to be with you. You are my family, whether we have a child or not.”
Kendra knew he was only trying to comfort her, but in that moment, she wanted to gouge his eyes out. She fought to keep from screaming at him, from turning on him and behaving like a feral animal. She swallowed her anger, repeating what the doctor said over and over in her mind.
There’sstillachancetotryagainoneday.
With all this waking up, dying, waking up, dying, the storm outside seems endless. I feel like I haven’t had a minute of sleep, but I know that can’t be true… can it? I stare at the ceiling with heavy eyelids, listening to the thunder rolling on the other side of the window.
Mywifeishavinganaffair .
Is that what all this is about? She wants me dead, out of the way for him? She finally found someone else to be with and is ready to kick me to the curb? Why can’t she just ask me for a divorce like a normal person?
I turn over to look at her, bundled beneath the covers, pretending to be asleep. Only a few more seconds until she makes her move. Howthingschange.Ten years ago, Kendra looked at me with such love and devotion. She literally lit up like a light bulb when I entered the room. Now, all she wants is my death.
Am I bad in bed? I don’t think so—hell, she put up with me for this long. A thousand different things come to mind, things I’ve done wrong or never did but should’ve. Years of mistakes to make her turn away. Into the arms of someone else, completely content with me going away forever.
I need to find out who this Nickis. If Kendra thinks he gave me a heads-up, it means he knows what’s going on. Maybe if I can find out why she turned to him, why she wants me dead, I can figure out how to stop this infinite loop.
“Seth? What’s wrong?”
Time’sup.
This time, I lunge for her. I don’t want to hurt her—never that. But I need to get my hands on the knife. I catch her off guard, but the problem is—she’s already got it in her hand. As soon as I’m reaching, she’s cutting.
I scream as she slices my chest open, feeling the blood pouring out of me, seeing her being drenched in it.
I fall back, abandoning my plan. But it’s too late. Kendra cuts me again, this time across my throat without so much as a word.
Idon’t know if I can get used to the torture of my throat. I sure as hell hope I don’t have to. Shehastheknifeinherhandalready. I can probably overpower her—I’m twice her size and have the element of surprise on my side. But can I do it without getting injured? Without hurting her? I just need to leave this bedroom—
I haven’t been able to outmaneuver her yet, and I’m starting to think I might not have a choice here. I love my wife, still, even now. But if it comes down to physically hurting her or being stuck in this situation—well, let’s just say she’s made the decision a bit easier for me.
Slowly, hoping she won’t notice until the last second, I reach for my pillow. I clench it in both hands as tight as I can, so tight I almost can’t feel it in my fingers. Then, before I can think about it, I lift up and slam it on top of her head.
Kendra struggles and screams into the pillow, but I keep her face covered. Her arms flail, and that’s when I notice she’s not holding the knife. She scratches into my arms, clawing with everything she has. Her nails draw blood, but I hold on.
A shock jolts through me at the sight of no knife. I look down at my hands, holding the pillow over my wife’s face. A face I’ve come
to know as well as my own. Shedidn’thavetheknife.
Is it really the same every time or are there differences?
I can’t do this. I let go of the pillow to grab on to each of her arms. She’s gasping, trying to catch her breath, shaking, trying to get me off of her. “Seth—” she chokes. “Don’t—”
“Where’s the knife, Kendra?”
“I don’t—”
“Don’t fucking lie to me!”
“How—”
I bring myself closer to her face. I say it again, slow and menacing. “Where is the knife?”
She clenches her teeth together. She doesn’t want to tell me— that’s obvious.
“If I wanted to kill you, I would’ve kept the pillow over your face.”
The hate in her eyes cuts me to my core. “I dropped it,” she says.
And I realize that nothing is different this time at all. She would still kill me—might yet. I should’ve taken my chance when I had it. “Tell me about Nick,” I say.
She gives me that same look of genuine confusion and I know whoever Nick is, I need to find him. “Seth, let me go.”
“Not until you answer me.”
“I’m not interested in talking about Nick. I want you to let me go.”
“Oh, but I’m veryinterested in Nick.”
Kendra’s eyes narrow slightly. She tilts her head. “Why? What do you want to know?”
It hits me that I might already know this Nick. Kendra seems more confused that I’m asking about him than that I know about
him. I could be reading her wrong, but I don’t think I am.
“You’re having an affair.”
“I’m what—”
“Just tell me how you met him and how long it’s been going on.” I know she’ll never give me a way to contact the guy, but if I can track him down through however they met, I might have a chance. This is the only clue I have to go off of, so I’m taking it. Kendra’s phone is on her nightstand somewhere but I’m not ready to let go of her arms to find it yet.
She’s silent for a moment, contemplating. She looks like she wants to laugh or throw up, or both. Whatever’s going through her mind, it’s eating into my time. This is the longest I’ve stayed alive since the loop started and I have no way of knowing how long it’ll last. I might keel over dead without her even having to lay a finger on me.
“Are you going to answer me?” I press.
“He’s—Megan’s husband. Don’t you remember? You met him when they had that housewarming party for their first house. You drank a beer with him by the pool…” The tone she gives me simultaneously fills my heart with guilt for not remembering—and makes me want to strangle her—because now I doremember.
“I’m supposed to know all your friends’ husbands?” I pretend to be clueless because I’m too ashamed to talk about having drinks with a man who’s now screwing my wife. “What does he do for a living again?”
“He’s a veterinarian.”
“Are they still in the same place?” I remember that house and exactlyhowtogettoit…
“No… are you serious? You don’t remember me telling you about them moving?”
“Does Megan know what you two are up to?” I ask, ignoring the question.
“No—Seth, stop.”
“Don’t tell me to stop, Kendra. You have no idea what I’ve been through tonight, and God help me if you try to feed me another of your lies!”
She flinches back into the mattress, eyes filled with fear. I don’t want to hurt her—never wanted to, not even knowing that she wants me dead. But I know she’s going to keep denying the truth and not giving me any new information to work with. I might be able to still get away if I can get the knife. But not if I don’t slow her down.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. Then I do the only thing I can think of. My hands tighten around her wrists. Kendra starts to squirm beneath me, but I’m too heavy for her to go anywhere.
I push her right arm down next to her side, pinning it beneath my knee. Both of my hands are now free to continue squeezing her left wrist—her dominant side. I keep squeezing and twisting, harder and harder. I keep going through the pleading, through the yelling, through the cries. I keep going until I feel the sickening cracks beneath my fingers and know that I’ve crushed her wrist.
Tears stream down the sides of her face into her hair.
“I’m so sorry,” I say again. I bend to kiss her, but she turns away. I roll off her and off the bed, bending to look for the knife. It’s too dark to see clearly, but I want to find it.
I pat my hand across the floor, wary, not wanting to slice myself open. Kendra shifts on the bed. I move away slightly, still feeling across the floor. Whereisit,whereisit?
Her feet touch the floor in front of me, and it hits me what an idiot I am. The knife isn’t here. And just because her wrist is broken,
doesn’t mean she can’t kill me.
Kendra plunges the knife down into my back over and over, her screams ringing in my ears as the life seeps out of me.
SEVEN YEARS AGO
From the base of the stairs, Kendra called up to Seth, “Are you almost ready?” She waited for him to yell back some smart-ass retort about how he was born ready and she’s the reason they were always late everywhere.
No response came.
“Seth!” she called again. Silence.
She checked the time on her watch and then decided to head upstairs to let him know exactly who the one making them late this time was. In the bedroom, she expected to hear the sound of the shower running or see the closet light on, but there was neither. Everything was turned off and quiet—no sign of Seth’s presence at all.
Kendra moved down the upstairs hall toward the spare bedrooms and bathroom. “Seth?” she called, peeking through each doorway. She passed the cat lying next to the banister, licking his paws and fur. “Where’s Daddy, Shadow?”
He meowed in response and kept licking himself.
Kendra moved back downstairs. Hewouldn’tbeinmy office,she thought, but it was the only room left she hadn’t checked. “Seth,
we’re going to be late!” she screamed, hoping wherever he was hiding, he heard her.
She opened her office door—no Seth. The memory of their wedding day came back to her. He’d disappeared off the face of the earth, no one had been able to get a hold of him or find him. “I lost track of time,” he’d said, claiming to be taking care of a surprise.
The surprise in question—a secret honeymoon that she’d had no idea about—was an amazing gift, but Kendra had a hard time believing that Seth was just picking up the tickets last minute. She’d harbored a feeling since that day, even with everything that passed between them, that he’d really been having second thoughts about marrying her.
Now that he was missing again, she couldn’t help but wonder if he was hoping she’d go to this party without him and that he’d say he lost track of time later on. Where the hell could he be? she wondered, looking out the front window.
She realized he was probably outside fidgeting with his projects, and yes, he would definitely claim to have lost track of time. Kendra went for the front door, and as she reached for the handle, Seth’s voice came from the kitchen. “Ready to go?”
She spun on him. “I looked everywhere for you! Where were you?”
“You didn’t hear me calling back?” “No, I didn’t,” she said, feeling irritated. “Are youready?”
He shrugged. “I was born ready.”
