CANNIBAL CORPSE
e xt r e m e ly e xt r e m e
d ec i b e l m ag a z i n e .c o m
DEATH METAL LEGENDS DEFILE THE HALL OF FAME WITH Tomb of the Mutilated
“People don’t really like my ass” —MAX CAVALERA TESTAMENT thrash of the titans
THE SWORD heads will roll
IRON MAIDEN
l iv e a f t e r d e at h
plus witch torche withered dead child brain drill soilent green don caballero unearthly trance mourning beloveth
TsHhRoASwHdToRIwVInA OLD
SCHOOL
NEW
SCHOOL
JUNE 2008 // No. 044
ext rem ely extre me
June 2008 // No. 44
www.decibelmagazine.com
reviews 85
lead review Testament are the latest thrash gods to invoke the few good things about the ’80s, courtesy of The Formation of Damnation
86
album reviews Records to soundtrack five more months of waterboarding, including Deicide, Textures, Black Tide, No Age and Century
108 music dvds Check out the big brains on Profanatica 109 culture Three Shadows fall
upfront 10
letters Eau de Lardhammer
12
news Next best thing to a Botch reunion
16
studio report Withered draft 10 perfect circles
18
will consider trades Pacific northwasteland
20
cry now, cry later Courtroom gutsfuck
22
live reviews The DEP bug out in Prague
COVER STORY
features
24
Shredding like they’ve never shred before 26
40
torche Thirty minutes or less, guaranteed
42
dead child Bowing to the metal gods
44
call & response Don Cab drummer puts his signature on Meshuggah
46
the sword Irony is a dead scene
q&a: max cavalera Bros before hos
56
witch We talkin’ bout practice?!
60
testament Reformation of the Big Fifth
64
soilent green Survival sickness
48
52
thrash metal trivia showdown
Number 22? Iron Maiden’s Live After Death is the number one extreme concert experience of all time
What a wicked game to play 68
the decibel hall of fame Cannibal Corpse’s Tomb of the Mutilated weaved a tapestry of obscenities that, as far as we know, is still hanging in space over Lake Erie
firewind
brain drill Reefer madness
28
veil of maya Uncommon sense
30
mourning beloveth Irish eyes are bleeding
32
russian circles Easy on the hard stuff
34
unearthly trance This is their last resort
COVER AND CONTENTS PHOTOS: ROSS HALFIN
36
hennes siste høst If Norwegian would, could you?
38
eternal lord Metalcore no more
Decibel (ISSN 1550-6614) is published monthly by Red Flag Media, Inc., 1032 Arch Street, 3rd Floor, Philadelphia, PA 19107. Annual subscription price is $19.95. Periodical postage, Philadelphia, PA, and other mailing offices. Submission of manuscripts, illustrations and/or photographs must be accompanied by a stamped, self-addressed envelope. The publisher assumes no responsibility for unsolicited materials. Postmaster send changes of address for Decibel to Red Flag Media, 1032 Arch Street, 3rd Floor, Philadelphia PA 19107. Copyright© 2008 by Red Flag Media, Inc. All rights ISSN 1557-2137 | USPS 023142 reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without written permission of the publisher is strictly prohibited.
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PUBLISHER
Alex Mulcahy
EDITOR -IN-CHIEF
Albert Mudrian
MANAGING EDITOR
ART D IR ECTOR
Tattoo outline by Patrick Haney
just words
SENIOR EDITOR
I have a confession: I have no tat-
toos. Hell, I’ve never even had any piercings either—though I came from the editor dangerously close to getting a nose ring hoop my freshman year of college (hey, it looked cool on Lee Dorrian and Barney Greenway!). Anyway, the truth is I could never find a design that I imagined I could be satisfied with for the rest my life. Or maybe I’m just a huge pussy. Thankfully, Decibel’s customer service guru and resident human canvas Mark Evans has no such aversions to ink. In fact, he’s long threatened to actually get a Decibel tattoo. Crazy, right? After causally mentioning this desire to our good neighbors down the street at Philadelphia Eddie’s Chinatown Tattoo, artists David Steele and Patrick Haney proposed to ink an old dB logo on him for free. Without the support of drugs or alcohol, Mark took them Philadelphia Eddie’s Chinatown Tattoo up on the offer. 904 Arch St., “Now it totally makes it difficult for you Philadelphia, PA 19107 guys to fire me,” he said, showing it off the 215.440.9997 next day. www.myspace.com/ I guess he’s smarter than I thought. chinatowntattoo —Albert Mudrian, Editor-In-Chief Tattoo shading by David Steele
June 2008 // No. 44 CONTRIBUTING W RITERS
alex@redflagmedia.com
Adrien Begrand J. Bennett Shawn Bosler Brent Burton Damien John Darnielle Jerry A. Deathburger Chris Dick Jeanne Fury Nick Green Joe Gross Jess Harvell Chauncey Kosciuszko Cosmo Lee Daniel Lukes David McNamee Shane Mehling Kirk Miller Andrew Parks Eugene Robinson Scott Seward Mookie Singerman Rod Smith Zach Smith Kevin Stewart-Panko Adem Tepedelen Nick Terry Christopher Weingarten
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Jamie Leary
jamie@redflagmedia.com
Patty Moran
patty@redflagmedia.com
CONTRIBUTING EDITOR
Chris Kaye
CO NTRIBUTING ARTIST
Paul Romano
DESIGNER
Bruno Guerreiro
PRODUCTIO N
Lucas Hardison, Megan Hughes
ADVER TISING MANAGE R
extremely extreme
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212.490.2079 INDIE LABEL ADVER TISING
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To order by phone: 1.215.625.9850 (10 a.m. – 6 p.m. EST) To order by fax: 1.215.625.9967 To order online: www.decibelmagazine.com Decibel (ISSN 1550-6614) is published monthly by Red Flag Media, Inc., 1032 Arch Street, 3rd Floor, Philadelphia, PA 19107. Annual subscription price is $19.95. Periodical postage, Philadelphia, PA, and other mailing offices. Submission of manuscripts, illustrations and/or photographs must be accompanied by a stamped, self-addressed envelope. The publisher assumes no responsibility for unsolicited materials. Postmaster send changes of address for Decibel to Red Flag Media, 1032 Arch Street, 3rd Floor, Philadelphia PA 19107. Copyright© 2008 by Red Flag Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without written permission of the publisher is strictly prohibited. PRINTED IN USA
8 : JUNE 08 : DECIBEL
ISSN 1557-2137
| USPS 023142
letterbombs *
Decibel Readers Sound Off
THE STENCH OF BIXLER-ZAVALA
SLAYER RULEZ! BENNETT DROOLZ!
First, hats off for the informative, intelligent and thoughtful interview with Glen Benton [April ’08, #42]. Benton is a figure who’s so commonly blown off as crazy and stupid—yet people take Gaahl so seriously!—that it’s refreshing to read someone asking him good questions about real band issues. Second, in response to the young lady in the [April] issue regarding the new Mars Volta: Fuck off. The fact that you haven’t heard something this good since Hypnotize and Mesmerize is telling, as both of those albums are mediocre at best. The Mars Volta have become complacent and self-indulgent, and just because it’s “psychedelic” doesn’t make it original. Finally, this is arguably the best metal magazine on the rack these days, even if you guys really don’t need to suck Genghis Tron’s cock a bit. Stay metal! —Christopher Krovatin
Thanks for publishing D.X. Ferris’ excellent story on the first two legs of Slayer’s Reign in Blood U.S. Tour [April ’08, #42]. The brilliant piece rounded out a kickass issue with great articles about Meshuggah and Mastodon that was heavier than a lunch line at Burger King. Except for J. Bennett’s usual irrelevant, self-aggrandizing, ego-stroking bullshit, the issue was perfect. Ferris’ insight into the most important album from the greatest American metal band of the last 25 years was exceptional. I can’t wait to read to read his book, 33 1/3: Reign in Blood, from which this story was a leftover chapter. —Matt Gorey Brunswick, OH
Got something to say? Email your letters to info@decibelmagazine.com
PROOF YOU CAN ENJOY DECIBEL AND J. BENNETT I want to thank you for your continuing coverage on the various facets of metal(lic) music. Your recent Hall of Fame entries (Converge’s Jane Doe, Opeth’s Orchid and Mastodon’s Remission) have made me nearly piss myself in delight. However, the main focus of my letter is to point out the good job by your writers, particularly one J. Bennett. I am the editor of my
READER OF THE
MONTH Luke Physioc
Do you see any evidence of metal fans living in that part of the world? No. My job actually deals with talking to the Iraqis a great deal. They are always showing me videos on their cell phones of them dancing around to their music, and it’s the traditional type of Arabic music. However, they are very big into European MTV. So you get a lot of super lame European techno crap and top 40 type stuff on MTV. You don’t see a lot of the traditional Arabian dress over here in the cities either, they are more Westernized.
Are the listening tastes of your comrades on the heavy and aggressive side? The immediate guys I work with are not fans of metal at all. However, the dudes I roll out of the gate with are totally into it. It’s not uncommon to walk past a truck and hear some Metallica or Slayer playing. I am working on getting them to the more extreme side of the genre, too. So far At the Gates and Carcass are really big hits, but a lot of people have a very difficult time with the vocals. And for some reason High on Fire and Baroness are loved by some of the guys, which really brings a smile to my face.
What are you Top Five records for entering battle? Oh man, we are in a veritable heyday for awesome metal right now. I tend to go to opposite ends of the fence with the more chaotic grind, and then sludgy doom. Every Pig Destroyer record is on blast quite a bit, and I am also playing a ton of Plague Bringer and Insect Warfare as well. As for the slower end of the spectrum, I have been playing a lot of older Eyehategod and Graves at Sea. I have to thank my wife Rachelle and Mark Evans and the rest of the people at the Decibel forum for sending some very thoughtful care packages that are stocked with some excellent records; thanks for keeping me up to date guys!
Would Serj Tankian last one minute over there? The dude from Syndrome of a Down? No, I am glad you bring him up though. I am so tired of him and the rest of the musicians who talk about Iraq like their opinion matters and they have the “responsibility as an artist” to “open peoples’ eyes.” Whatever, man. Not that I like your music at all, but why aren’t you over here doing a USO show? If you wanna speak so loudly about your opinion of activities going on over here, why not come over and talk to us? If we could get someone like Henry Rollins over here, I am sure we could set up something for a guy who does a semi-decent impersonation of Jello Biafra. Hell, even Yellowcard was here.
Baghdad, IRAQ via Ft. Polk, LA
You’re in the military. Exactly how metal is Iraq? Remember Mad Max? Mad Max lives here. Sweeping deserts of nothing, and then the absolute nastiest metropolis you could ever imagine. This place is covered in garbage, corruption and other bits of nastiness. That being said, there is the other side of the Mad Max aesthetic. We drive around a city in armored vehicles, however we please, and we are wearing about 80 extra lbs of armor and firepower. I am basically living in the music video that Bolt Thrower never made.
10 : JUNE 08 : DECIBEL
campus newspaper and constantly find myself looking to writers in the newspaper, magazine and literary worlds as inspirations. Much like music, the best writers (and bands) mine their influences and create something all their own. However, the spirit of Bennett’s writing has led him to become one of my most endearing influences. I occasionally get to write music reviews for my own publication and try to highlight metal and/or experimental music as much as possible. But lately I have found myself surrounded by an “aura of Bennett” as my writing has become more caustic and acerbic. I don’t try to ape anyone on your staff, but rather allow myself to become more carefree and open in thinking. Likewise, the other writers on the Decibel staff express creative muscles that keep me reading month after month. Some could argue the entertaining personalities and stories you find in the metal world almost write the stories themselves, but other publications prove to me that this is just not true. It seems more thought goes into Decibel’s words. I started reading your publications years ago because you provided the best coverage of heavy music, but columns like “Cry Now, Cry Later” are what makes the magazine stand above everyone else for me. Keep up the good work, you talented bastards. —Marty Finley Richmond, KY
news
new releases 36 CRAZYFISTS The Tide and Its Takers (FERRET) 5/28
ANNIHILATOR Metal (SPV) 1/15 A BREATH BEFORE SURFACING Death Is Swallowed in Victory (MEDIASKARE) 5/27 ABYSMAL DAWN Programmed to Consume (RELAPSE) 5/13
ALETHEIAN Dying Vine (IRONCLAD/METAL BLADE) 5/13
THE ANALYST Summoning the Wretched (INNERSTRENGTH) 5/20
THE BAKERTON GROUP The Bakerton Group (SEASON OF MIST) 5/27
BURNING SKIES Greed.Filth.Abuse. Corruption (LIFEFORCE) 5/13 BURZUM Anthology (CANDLELIGHT) 5/13
COLDWORKER Rotting Paradise (RELAPSE) 5/13
Strait Edge Botch barker Dave Verellen’s Roman holiday ends with the rise of Narrows
COMMUNIC Payment of Existence (NUCLEAR BLAST) 5/30 DARK FUNERAL Attera Totus Sanctus Part 2 DVD (REGAIN) 5/22 DEAD SHAPE FIGURE The Grand Karoshi (SEASON OF MIST) 5/19
EMMURE The Respect Issue (VICTORY) 5/13 ENCLAVE Paradise of Putrefaction (INFERNA PROFUNDUS) 5/1
ENGEL Absolute Design (SPV/STEAMHAMMER) 5/20
In perhaps the only cliché they willfully
embraced over an almost decade-long career, Botch left it all out on the stage in their final show. Members of opening acts Harkonen and Playing Enemy joined the quartet to form a guerrilla guitarmy, hammering away at We Are the Romans closing dirge “Man the Ramparts” (“Ram the Man Parts” if you’re nasty), sealing the deal on the Seattle mathcore titans’ unprolific but influential lifespan. Since then, guitarist Dave Knudson and bassist Brian Cook have lent their talents to popular offshoots Minus the Bear and These Arms Are Snakes, respectively, but mouthpiece Dave Verellen has been sadly mute the last six years, drumming in country-folk oddity Roy with brother Ben (Harkonen’s mastermind), getting hitched and serving six Western Washington communities as a firefighter/paramedic for Central Pierce Fire and Rescue. Well, thank the fuck Christ, the muzzle is off, courtesy of bona fide Seattle/London supergroup Narrows. “I missed singing in a band,” Verellen reasons via email, “and I guess Botch has been in the ground long enough for me to feel OK about finding another wife in heavy music.” The hell with infidelity: Based on the snippet of “Life Vests Float, Kids Don’t” from the quintet’s forthcoming Deathwish 7-inch, Verellen’s “rebound” from Botch to Narrows may resemble Brad Pitt’s from Aniston to Jolie. Narrows were born last fall when Verellen, drummer Sam Stothers (Quarantine, Makeout Boys) 12 : JUNE 08 : DECIBEL
and Unbroken/Some Girls bassist Rob Moran experimented with other extreme Seattle luminaries until Ryan Frederiksen (These Arms Are Snakes) and Londonite Jodie Cox (Tropics/Bullet Union) filled in the blanks. Although most of the players have full-time gigs, they diligently traded ideas via email for Narrows’ as yet untitled full-length Deathwish debut (“Life Vests Float” is exclusive to the 7-inch teaser). Despite their geographic limitations—Moran is moving back to San Diego, further complicating that “Seattle/London” MySpace tag—all parties think that one-off shows and short tours may be a reality. Although the project will surely resemble the sum of its parts, Narrows will inevitably be hailed as Verellen’s overdue triumphant return, a boot in the face to an armada of imitators. Yet the frontman has no resentment about Botch worship. “How can you be annoyed with praise and acceptance?” he asks. “I love Botch fans because they usually aren’t flavor-of-the-month hipster dudes who want to impress their girlfriends; they’re music fans. I think Narrows is for music fans, too.” Just don’t expect any world tours. Homeboy still has lives to save, after all. “I’ll never compromise my career for something else unless it can surpass it in every way, which isn’t possible. I have had the two best jobs in the world, and to get to do them at the same time is just the best.” —ANDREW BONAZELLI
D E C I B E L’ S
CLIPS OF THE MONTH
at
[ VIDEO-ON-DEMAND: GET YOUR FIX ]
KINGDOM OF SORROW
LEAD US INTO DEMISE
THE SWORD
FIRE LANCES OF THE ANCIENT HYPERZEPHYRIAN
ANIMOSITY
TEETH GRINDER
IRON MAIDEN
ACES HIGH (LIVE)
Visit the official Decibel channel at Metal Injection http://www.metalinjection.tv/decibel
news
now slaying Wonder what Decibel world HQ has been rocking for the past month? Well, here are the records we spun the most while accepting softball game challenges from Relapse Records (Those hillbillies from Upper Darby are so dead):
Closet Metalheads Hip-hop satirist MC Lars puts black metal on blast (beat)
Andrew Nielsen—a.k.a. MC Lars—is like an
army of giant teddy bears at an all-you-can-eat sundae bar in a restaurant constructed entirely out of Lego blocks: Everything about this guy is good, friendly, G-rated fun. On his self-released 2006 full-length The Graduate, the 26-year-old “post-punk laptop rapper” updated “Weird” Al Yankovic-style parody for the MySpace set with a series of willfully dorky and erudite rhymes about Hot Topic fashion, emo and illegal music downloads. He books his own tours and self-releases his records, and he’d probably be solid boyfriend material for your sister. And when he’s not rescuing kittens from trees, he fills his time by lighting candles and listening to black metal. At least, that’s what Nielsen did in 2006 when he moved to Brooklyn and shared an apartment with Mike Kennedy, the guitarist for Bloodsimple and Vision of Disorder. “After reading Lords of Chaos, I got stuck on the idea of making a song about religion and hypocrisy,” he explains. “We were listening to Mayhem, Emperor and Gorgoroth and I loved the sound of those records—that giant sonic wall. I even picked out a title— ‘Church Burner’—but haven’t had a chance to finish the song yet. It’ll probably end up having a straight-
up beat, though. I just can’t figure out a way to put rap and black metal together without it sounding 100% corny.” Anyone who’s heard Nielsen rattling off his list of metal favorites (Anthrax, Slayer, Bile) on his duet with Ill Bill on The Graduate shouldn’t be completely surprised by his hesh influences. According to Nielsen, he listened to nothing but Metallica and Pantera for years and never paid attention to rap until he got hip to Onyx through Biohazard. “It goes without saying that RunD.M.C.’s Raising Hell is the epitome of rap and rock coming together,” he notes. “But rap-metal really seemed to have its day in the mid ’90s, didn’t it? There was actually tons of cool stuff going on: the Judgment Night soundtrack, Rage Against the Machine, Gravediggaz. It was proof that hip-hop could be every bit as dark and heavy as metal.” Still, fans hoping for the perfect MC Lars rapmetal hybrid will have to wait. “I was hoping to unlock the secret when I ran into Scott Ian at a party and started asking him about working with Public Enemy,” he laughs. So did the Anthrax axeman have any advice to share? “Yeah! He told me it would be a good idea if I stopped bothering him.” —NICK GREEN
I just can’t figure out a way to put rap and black metal together without it sounding 100% corny.
14 : JUNE 0 8 : DECIBEL
Albert Mudrian : E D I T O R I N C H I E F Nachtmystium, Assassins: Black Meddle Pt. 1 Entombed, Clandestine Portishead, Third Anathema, Serenades Witch, Paralyzed ------------------------------ ---Andrew Bonazelli : M A N A G I N G E D I T O R Down, III: Over the Under Opeth, Deliverance/Damnation Ulver, Blood Inside Nine Inch Nails, Ghosts I-IV Gadget, The Funeral March ------------------------------ ---Patty Moran : S E N I O R E D I T O R Gary Numan, Replicas Jimmy Smith, Cool Blues The Amps, Pacer Dee Dee Sharp, Cameo Parkway 1962-1966: The Best of Built to Spill, Keep It Like a Secret ---------------------------------Mark Evans : C U S T O M E R S E R V I C E Lions of Tsavo, Firelung Howl, Howl Black Tusk, The Fallen Kingdom Nachtmystium, Assassins: Black Meddle Pt. 1 Tombs, 3-track Demo ---------------------------------Alex Mulcahy : P U B L I S H E R Panda Bear, Person Pitch Animal Collective, Strawberry Jam The Kinks, The Kinks Are the Village Green Preservation Society Serge Gainsbourg, Comic Strip John Prine, Bruised Orange ---------------------------------Doug Sabolick : A L I F E O N C E L O S T Torche, Meanderthal AC/DC, Let There Be Rock Saviours, Into Abaddon Crowbar, Sonic Excess in Its Purest Form Zimmer’s Hole, When You Were Shouting at the Devil, We Were in League with Satan
GUEST SLAYER
in the studio
*withered
ARTIST
WITHERED TITLE PRO DUCER STUDIO
RECO RDIN G DATES RELEASE DATE LABEL
Folie Circulaire Phillip Cope The Jam Room, Columbia, SC Feb 23 - Mar 2 June 24 Prosthetic
Withered’s 2005 debut, Memento Mori, was the kind of unforeseen gem that makes this job so much goddamn fun. Eventually landing at #4 in that year’s Top 40 Albums list, its equal parts early ’90s Swedish death metal and southern sludge (with just a splash of Paradise Lost circa Gothic) were impeccably crafted, fully realized
and perfectly captured in the studio by its creators. Or not. “We actually recorded that album in our rehearsal space,” laughs guitarist/vocalist Mike Thompson. “We had to record each part independently with separate layers and just add them on. And on top of that, three of the songs we recorded for Memento Mori were brand new, so we didn’t have any rehearsals under our belts for them. We just didn’t have the attention to detail on it. I mean, it was just gonna be a demo and then it snowballed from there.” In the three years since Memento Mori, the Atlanta-based death/black/doom quartet has, er, weathered a storm of changes, swapping out half of their lineup (Wes Kever and Greg Hess are out, bassist Mike Langoria and drummer Beau Brandon are in) and moving from Lifeforce Records to new home Prosthetic. Add producer Phillip Cope (Kylesa, Baroness, Black Tusk) to that growing list of amendments. After spending
seven full days (and nights sleeping on the floor) with Cope at Jam Room Studio, the resulting Folie Circulaire is decidedly darker than its already bleak processor. “Phillip was pushing us really hard to set a mood and get a really good vibe going,” Thompson offers. “We got it real dim, set up some candles and discussed the topics of every song before tracking them to really get in the mindset. I think it worked really well. Phillip has done an amazing job of getting in our heads.” To that end, Folie Circulaire’s incredibly diverse shades of black, death and doom (which even feature a guest vocal spot by legendary Napalm Death barker Barney Greenway) kinda illustrate the record’s peculiar title. “It’s a French term that was coined in the late 1800s by a psychologist to describe bi-polar disease,” Thompson says. “But, literally, it translates into ‘cycling madness’ or ‘circles of madness.’ So what we really wanted to do was apply that term to ‘the human condition.’ That whole everything-we-create-is-to-destroy kinda thing.” —ALBERT MUDRIAN
Neuraxis Complete Prosthetic Debut While it might be grammatically incorrect, we’re pretty sure there’s a deeper meaning behind the title of the new ( ) Neuraxis record, The Thin Line Between. The album—which marks the band’s first for Prosthetic—will feature 10 cuts and is set to drop on July 22. Commented guitarist Rob Milley on the band’s website, “The writing and recording process for [this album] was probably the most intense I’ve ever experienced. Sound-wise, this is going to be our best so far. Song-wise, it’s our most complete album to date.” It will also be the first Neuraxis record featuring 16 : JUNE 08 : DECIBEL
vocalist Alex Leblanc and guitarist William Seghers. As if playing a bundle of shows with the recently “reunited” At the Gates wasn’t enough to keep the brothers Björler busy, the pair has just finished pre-production with the Haunted for the band’s sixth studio album. The group—which has over 20 songs in the bank and plans for 11 or 12 to make the final cut—will work at PUK Studio in Denmark and has once again enlisted the services of Tue Madsen. Surprisingly, frontman Peter Dolving had no comment. —ZACH SMITH
ramblings THIS MONTH:
1988
The Decibel Mix Tape
Dunno if it was going off to college in a hyper-liberal city like Eugene, OR, where you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a hippie, or just the fact that metal was in kind of a weird transition (hello, major labels!), but in 1988 my undying love for all things heavy wavered. Grunge and “alternative” metal proved to be a distraction, and before long the mullet I’d cultivated since high school was replaced by a sweet Stone Gossard-style bob. —ADEM TEPEDELEN
TITLE:
Anti-Hippie Machine
1. Tad, “Sex God Missy” | “Missy’s got a car in her garage.” Get it? Me neither.
Smile, You’re Traveling Life is a highway. And each month, Genghis Tron frontman Mookie Singerman files this report from behind the wheel 3/21/08: Nothing puts hair on your balls quite
like a car accident—and Genghis Tron are quickly acquiring the hairiest balls in America. Yesterday at around 1 p.m. I woke up screaming in the passenger seat of our van as we skidded backwards across three lanes of traffic. Apparently the rear right wheel of our van decided that the area of I-71 halfway between Cleveland and Columbus was so beautiful that it wanted to retire there. The entire wheel came off the axle and sent our van and trailer spinning out of control towards the median. GT had wrecked. Again. Plenty of “What! The! Fucccccck!” and “Why have you forsaken us?!” was screamed as we surveyed the damage. Miraculously, no one was injured, but our van was clearly in need of some TLC. We called AAA, who sent a tow truck entirely incapable of pulling both the van and trailer out of the mud-filled median. It wasn’t for lack of trying, though—the towing genius hooked his cable under our van and pulled, immediately snapping his cable. He hemmed and hawed for a bit, then called his boss, who showed up and hemmed and hawed for another hour or so before declaring that they couldn’t help us. They gave us the number of some heavier-duty towing companies and drove off. We called up Bear’s Towing and Bear himself appeared a half hour later with a much bigger rig. He was an older stocky dude with plenty of 18 : JUNE 08 : DECIBEL
2. Green River, “Rehab Doll” | Dirge about AIDS. Sexual revolution officially over. 3. Mudhoney, “Sweet Young Thing Ain’t Sweet No More” | “Rehab Doll Pt. II” 4. Jane’s Addiction, “Mountain Song” | I blame the hippies. 5 Danzig, “Mother” | Yes, Glenn, I would like to find hell with you. 6. Swallow, “Guts” | Actually about decapitation, not guts. 7. Megadeth, “Hook in Mouth” | Yeah, fuck the PMRC! 8. Sacred Reich, “Surf Nicaragua” | Back when thrash had a conscience. 9. Slayer, “South of Heaven” | Just wanted to write “cunting daughters.” 10. Testament, “Nobody’s Fault” | Best Aerosmith cover ever. 11. Death Angel, “Bored” | Funky thrash. Genius. 12. Wehrmacht, “Drink Beer, Be Free” | So true, so true.
hair everywhere but his head, who, despite his company’s name, didn’t seem to have an affinity for other older stocky dudes with plenty of body hair (his wife was the receptionist). Bear got us out of the mud relatively quickly and drove us to the nearest town, where we regrouped and figured out what we were going to do. It was decided that everything needed to be towed 100 miles to Columbus the next morning, but seeing as only two passengers could fit in a tow truck, we needed to split up. Michael and myself would stay in town overnight while the other three members hitched a ride with Hamilton’s sister (who attends school nearby) to Columbus. The next morning, Bear told us he couldn’t take the vehicles to Columbus, so we called AAA for a third towing company. They told us
Gimpy’s would be there shortly. Unlike Bear’s Towing, Gimpy’s proved to be an apt company name. Within 30 minutes, Gimpy limped through the door, holding a cigarette in his gnarled halfarm. He quickly loaded our car and trailer onto his flatbed as Michael and I shook our heads in disbelief. It felt like we had fallen into a Farrelly Brothers nightmare. Gimpy, as it turns out, was the man. We cruised down I-71 blasting Master of Puppets as he dished on all the Ohio Valley towing gossip. By the time we arrived in Columbus, the thought of Gimpy as GT roadie extraordinaire had crossed my mind several times, but he clearly had a good thing going with the towing business and I kept my thoughts to myself. After he unloaded our car onto the mechanic’s lot, we said our goodbyes. I gave him a little army salute as he hopped back in his car. Gimpy waved his normal arm and drove off into the Ohio horizon. A
ramblings
er * cry nobyw j.crybelat nnett
illustration by bruno guerreiro
Verdict:
Vikernes prop him up as a celebrity arbiter, Judge Judystyle? Of course, it’s no fun unless the decisions are legally binding, so all litigants are required to sign a waiver agreeing that the Count’s verdicts are final. And now we take you to today’s hearings, already in progress… What you are witnessing is real. The participants ARE NOT actors. They are actual litigants with a case pending in a Norwegian municipal court. Both parties have agreed to dismiss their court cases and have their disputes settled here, in our forum: Count Grishnackh’s Court.
fter several sad, unsuccessful
forays into reality programming, the Norwegian Broadcasting Corporation (NRK) finally stumbles upon the winning formula in late 2008, shortly after Burzum mastermind and convicted murderer Varg “Count Grishnackh” Vikernes is released on parole. It’s a stroke of pure, unmitigated genius from the otherwise morose producers at the NRK: Why not give the national bogeyman his own TV show, complete with pretentious rhetoric, full-costume Tolkien readings and ultra-nationalist high jinks? Better yet, why not give him a gavel and a robe and 20 : JUNE 08 : DECIBEL
Count Grishnackh: Mr. Tiegs, am I to understand that your Lhasa Apso micturated upon the plaintiff’s Persian rug? Roger Tiegs: Infernus, your honor. Grishnackh: Come again? Tiegs: That’s my stage name, your honor—you know, my nom de guerre? I figure if you get to use yours, then… Grishnackh: Silence! I will suffer neither fools nor insubordination in my courtroom. Especially from someone who runs around calling himself “Satan’s Minister on Earth” and has the audacity to show up with all that shit on his face. You’re lucky I don’t hold you in contempt. So, pretty please—with sugar on top—just answer the question, Mr. Tiegs. Tiegs: [Rolls eyes] Your honor, Snickers—the dog, I mean—didn’t do anything to Gaahl’s… I mean, Mr. Espedal’s… I mean, the plaintiff’s rug. Gaahl: That’s bullshit, your honor! Snickers blew a hot, smelly piss all over my new Persian and then left a steaming dump at the end of the driveway. My mother stepped in it when she was bringing me my blankie and a bottle of warm breast milk, your honor.
Grishnackh: I’ll ask you to wait your turn before
opening your goddamn piehole, Mr. Espedal. But tell me more about this “blankie” of which you speak. And, uh, the breast milk… Gaahl: Oh, did I say that out loud? Sorry, your honor. Grishnackh: You’ve been in this courtroom before, haven’t you, Mr. Espedal? Gaahl: Not this particular courtroom, your honor, but one very similar to it, yes. It went badly. Grishnackh: So I’m told, Mr. Espedal; so I’m told. And what about these damages you’re seeking from the defendant? 190,000 kroner seems like a lot for a rug. Mighty Jewish of you, isn’t that, Mr. Espedal? And it says here [puts on eyeglasses, which are around his neck on a tasteful silver chain] that you also want Mr. Tiegs to be crucified “for as long as the court will legally allow.” There’s also something about the blood of his firstborn. Isn’t this a bit excessive—even for you, Mr. Espedal? Gaahl: Well, you see, this rug, your honor… Grishnackh: I know, I know—I read the complaint, Mr. Espedal. “It really tied the room together.” We’ve all seen the film. But the question I have is one of motive: Why would Snickers urinate on your rug in the first place? Gaahl: Infernus told him to do it, your honor. He’s a dog whisperer. Grishnackh: Can you prove this, Mr. Espedal? Gaahl: [Begins fingering his Mjolnir pendant compulsively] Well… no, your honor. But I know it to be true! Grishnackh: [Sighs] Mr. Tiegs, are you a dog whisperer? Tiegs: Puh-lease, your honor. I can’t even get him to listen to me when I’m talking out loud. Grishnackh: Right. Well, just the same, I’m finding in favor of the plaintiff. As we all know, the Lhasa Apso is an inferior Oriental breed incapable of advanced Aryan aptitudes like bladder control. But 190,000 kroner for a rug is ridiculous. The defendant is ordered to pay damages in the amount of 75,000 and… oh, let’s say a pint of blood from his firstborn. [Bangs gavel] Next case! A
live reviews The Dillinger Escape Plan WHEN: March 9
Witch After spending just five minutes scanning
the crowd at Philly’s preeminent hipster bar, I had 50% of this review written in my head before anyone actually took the stage. See, Johnny Brenda’s is the kind of place where young women are encouraged to experiment with their sexuality and young men are encouraged to experiment with their facial hair. But don’t sound that false alarm just yet, because tonight the bar is actually bursting with underground cred: Alex Bouks from legendary Philly death metallers Goreaphobia is here long enough to dork out with yours truly about Nihilist demos and, of course, J Mascis, who drummed for proto-grinders Deep Wound back in the early ’80s, is laying down beats for tonight’s headliner. But right now, he’s standing three feet from me watching Swedish doom rock revivalists Graveyard play their first ever non-South by Southwest U.S. show. Sure, early Witchcraft is an obvious comparison for the 22 : JUNE 08 : DECIBEL
WHEN: March 18 WHERE: Johnny Brenda’s, Philadelphia, PA WITH: Graveyard
young quartet, but tracks like “Thin Line” and self-titled album/set opener “Evil Ways” sacrifice Witchcraft’s occasional penchant for fruitiness in favor of Pentagram’s bloozedrenched buzz. Their headlining labelmates Witch splash a few more colors on the same basic sonic palette. However, the Maiden-isms (circa Iron Maiden and Killers) and psychedelics are a little lost on freshly recruited touring guitarist Antoine Guerlain, who is certainly still—to be polite— “finding his way.” Thankfully, frontman Kyle Thomas compensates with one of the clearest and heaviest live guitar sounds I’ve ever heard. And by the time he and his bandmates close with debut LP standout “Seer,” I’m transfixed on a front-row Beardy McBearderson who isn’t just sheepishly headbobbing, but rather going full-on headbanging apeshit through Witch’s entire set. Maybe this place ain’t so bad after all. —ALBERT MUDRIAN
One week from now, Greg Puciato will be going ape in a Spanish club, doing the whole Iron Monkey routine on the heads of audience members as he takes out his frustrations on a disco ball. But the power-squatting Patton keeps it all in check during the Dillinger Escape Plan’s first performance in the Czech Republic. Is it the surroundings? This place reeks of stale sweat and cheap Pilsner, the longhairs are out in force and it looks like the perfect setting for a violent uprising—former President Václav Havel plotted a different kind of revolution in a café right down the street. Maybe the band has too much invested in this tour to piss it all away: An 11th hour cancellation by planned co-headliners Meshuggah already forced them to spin the globe and plot a whole new course. By DEP standards, it is a relatively sedate affair—17 songs in 50 minutes, a minimum of stage banter and no encores. When the band plays the closing notes of “Sunshine the Werewolf,” the house lights go up immediately and Gil Sharone lingers just long enough to toss his sticks into the crowd. But no crazy circus sideshow shenanigans, unless you count pulsating strobe lights and guitarist Ben Weinman’s striptease. Maybe the Czech Republic isn’t ready for it: Here’s a nation that’s only been out from under the thumb of communism for less than two decades and, judging by the weak stage-diving during “Setting Fire to Sleeping Giants,” they still haven’t learned how to make a proper pit. Globalization is a beautiful thing, though: It means that everyone has access to everything instantly and everyone already knows the words to the really raging shit from Calculating Infinity (“43% Burnt” and “Sugar Coated Sour”) and Miss Machine (“Baby’s First Coffin”). Of course, the presence of the world’s most annoying smoke machine makes it nearly impossible to see what DEP are actually doing onstage except for a brief 15-second interval in the middle of “When Good Dogs Do Bad Things.” But, whatever, there is plenty to savor and assimilate in the crowd—like the chick in front of me with the full-back jailhouse tattoo of demon wings. During the chorus of “Black Bubblegum,” when everyone in the crowd is bobbing simultaneously, it looks like she might actually take flight. No wonder Puciato left the fire-breathing implements at home—that’d be a tough act to follow. —NICK GREEN
WITCH: LORI BAILEY
WHERE: Rock Café, Prague
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* firewind
FIREWIND
I
was rushing from downtown to my house to be on time, but apparently the taxis are on strike today and I had to take a frickin’ bus.” Calling from his hometown of Thessaloniki, Greece, Gus G. is a bit out of breath, sounding like he’d just sprinted home and picked up the phone, apologizing profusely for being late. No biggie, I assure the Firewind guitarist, as yours truly was just killing time watching that clip of Bert and Ernie playing goregrind on the Deciblog. ¶ It doesn’t take long for the charismatic Kostas Karamitroudis, who wisely goes by the more economical Gus G., to catch his breath, touting his band’s contagious fifth album, The Premonition, with contagious enthusiasm. Even more contagious, though, are the actual tunes on the record. Although Firewind base their music in the similar, highly compressed, modern power metal style of Arch Enemy and DragonForce, they’ve always brought a healthy dose of early ’80s metal/hard rock influences into the songs, and the follow-up to last year’s 24 : JUNE 08 : DECIBEL
Allegiance has the quintet coming as close to perfecting that balance between the new and old schools as they ever have, best heard on the terrific “Mercenary Man” and “Into the Fire.” “Firewind has always been about the guitar, but it’s also been about making great songs that will stick into people’s minds,” says Mr. G. “It’s not about how many fast licks I can play to one song. I just play what the song calls for. If there ever was a secret recipe to sound great and sound like somebody who will stand out, I think that’s kind of the way to go. Look at players like Michael Schenker—he’s always played the perfect notes for the song, and that’s what I’ve tried to do. And so far it’s worked; we don’t have songs with boring, two-minute solos.” Just how much do these fine Greek fellas dig the ’80s? So much
that they toss in a spirited, ironyfree cover of Michael Sembello’s “Maniac.” “That was an idea from our keyboard player Bob [Katsionis],” Gus elaborates. “We didn’t really know what kind of cover to do, because we’d been talking about so many songs, and instead of doing a hard rock song or something, Bob said, ‘Why don’t you guys listen to this song?’ It has a great melody, great chords, but it’s like a keyboards/’80s pop song. And the verse, it actually has some jazzy chords. But the melody, the whole hook was very strong, and everybody knew that song, so we thought, ‘Why don’t we do a hard rock version of that?’ It came out pretty good, I think.” That it did, Gus. That it did. www. youtube.com... flashdance beals opening dance sequence…*search* —ADRIEN BEGRAND
PATRIC ULLAEUS / WWW.REVOLVER.SE
Gus G. can cut you like a knife, if the gift becomes the fire