Reader's Digest UK Dec 2014 by rduk_archive

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R E A D E R ’ S D I G E S T

DECEMBER 2014

| S M A L L A N D P E R F E C T L Y

‘QUIRKY ,E AND ACC CCENTRIC ESSIBLE’ JULIE WA LTERS O N THE NE W FILM PA

GE 24

CHILDREN’S TV SHOWS

FAMOUS NAMES SHARE THEIR MEMORIES PAGE 32

I N F O R M E D

‘I REMEMBER’: WILBUR SMITH

GETTING A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP

PAGE 40

PAGE 46

BEST OF BRITISH: CHRISTMAS TRADITIONS PAGE 64

D E C E M B E R 2 0 1 4

December Cover Outer.indd 1

BOOKS THAT CHANGED MY LIFE ...................... 129 LAUGH! ..................................................................140 100-WORD STORY COMPETITION ......................72 BEAT THE CARTOONIST ......................................144 readersdigest.co.uk

DECEMBER 2014

£3.79

IF I RULED THE WORLD: JOHN CLEESE

IN ASSOCIATION WITH

PAGE 80

30/10/2014 12:51

editor’s letter

IN EVERY ISSUE 4 12

See the World Differently Over to You Entertainment

What’s On in December Health

54 60

Advice: Susannah Hickling Column: Dr Max Pemberton

If I Ruled the World: John Cleese

Inspire

Column: Catherine Cole

102

Column: Jasmine Birtles

108

30-minute recipe and ideas from Rachel Walker

114

Tips for your outside space

116

Olly Mann’s gadgets

118

Georgina Yates on how to look your best

124

December Fiction: James Walton’s recommended reads Books That Changed My Life: Stanley Johnson

Travel & Adventure Money

Food & Drink

Home & Garden Technology

Fashion & Beauty

Books

129

Fun & Games

130 133 136 140 144

You Couldn’t Make It Up Word Power Brain Teasers Laugh! Beat the Cartoonist

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to mark the release

of the new Paddington movie, we’ve been getting in touch with our inner children at Reader’s Digest HQ. For me, it’s meant the fulfillment of a long-held ambition: meeting the delightful Julie Walters, who plays Mrs Bird in the film—read our interview on p24. We’re also sponsoring the bear that Julie has designed for The Paddington Trail, taking place in London in conjuction with the NSPCC. You can see it on Primrose Hill! We continue the inner-child theme with “My Favourite Children’s TV Programme” on p32, in which Hugh Bonneville and others reminisce about their juvenile viewing habits. And if you want to be inspired, see “Back on the Straight and Narrow” on p74, in which ex-prisoner Charles Young outlines his unique scheme for cutting reoffending rates. As for the photo above…well, it’s my flailing attempt to capture the seasonal spirit. A very Merry Christmas to you all!

Tom Browne theeditor@readersdigest.co.uk facebook.com/readersdigestuk twitter.com/readersdigestuk pinterest.com/rdigestuk google.com/+ReadersDigestUK1

Reader’s Digest is published in 29 editions in 17 languages

SEE THE WORLD Turn the page

Photos: © MA RIO LAP ORTA/AFP/Getty Imag es

... DIFFERENTLY Visitors of the John hancock centre are treated to an incomparable view of Chicago from an altitude of over 984 feet. the scenery is particularly breathtaking on days where the fog comes in from Lake Michigan and covers the city in a cotton-like padding, leaving only the tips of the skyscrapers visible.

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You won’t just find paddington on the cover... When we were asked to sponsor the Paddington statue at Primrose Hill —designed by Julie Walters for the NSPCC’s Paddington Trail—we were overcome with nostalgia for the things Paddington represents: childhood whimsy, curiosity, adventure and all-out fun. With this in mind, we couldn’t resist creating our own Paddington section online. If you’re interested in marmalade recipes, the mysteries of deepest, darkest Peru or the new trailer for the Paddington movie, be sure to take a look at readersdigest.co.uk/Paddington-bear. And if you’re on Twitter, don’t forget to take part in our #RDBearStare competition.

Over to You letters on the october issue

✯ letter of the month... I admire the “Grown-up Gappers” who took time out to live their dreams. Getting to 50-plus, it really does hit many of us that we don’t want to work flat out for a retirement we may not be healthy enough to enjoy to the full. In this economic situation, it’s difficult to get employers to agree to a sabbatical, but surely this could be one of the answers to their problems? Actually encouraging staff to take sabbaticals would save salary costs and therefore minimise the need for redundancies—as well as offering a perk that costs the employer nothing and results in a rejuvenated, better-motivated member of staff on their return. Cate sibley, L eic e st ers hire

behind the scenes I thought “Medical Pros on the Road” was an eye-opening read. I’ve been an avid theatregoer since I was a little girl—always mesmerised by the music, dance and sheer talent of those on stage, and always yearning to be like them. After reading the article, I can admire not only the amazing talents of the performers, but also their 12

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physical and mental endurance, which is aided by the medical personnel who accompany them on tour. My next theatre visit is to see The Nutcracker. While enjoying the performances, I’ll certainly think of all the amazing people backstage who make it possible to see the dancers in tip-top form. gaby Beyer, Exmouth

more spooky tales I enjoyed reading “Best of British: Haunted Places”, since it’s a topic that fascinates me. When I was younger, I lodged with a family who ran a garage in Weston-on-the-Green, Oxfordshire. During this time, I heard several stories about the local hotel being haunted. The family told me that, on several occasions, lorry drivers pulled in to the garage saying they’d seen a young girl standing in the fields opposite the hotel, but when they stopped she was gone. They also told stories of guests who’d left the hotel after experiencing something ghostly in their room. Maybe this is another place worth checking out? GLENN GAMOTIS, Oxford

going gender neutral I’d be delighted if Caroline Casey was in charge (“If I Ruled the World”), as unisex toilets are a great idea. Having split-sex toilets can be tricky for people with children. Concerned dads with small daughters have to hover outside the Ladies waiting for their offspring, while young sons, who’d rather use the Gents, are taken by their mums into an all-female domain. Unisex toilets would solve these issues, and there would also

be another great benefit—no more queueing for the loo. Brilliant! Philippa Sampson, Devon

where did i put that...? I’ll certainly use the “Three Tricks for a Better Memory” in Susannah Hickling’s Health column. I also have a tip for recalling where you’ve put something. For each item, remember three things about where you’ve put it. For example, I put a box under the stairs, so I remember it’s cold under there, it’s under the shoe stand and the box is pink. So when it comes to finding the item, I’ll remember at least one of the facts. SHULAH CLARKSON, Norfolk

an a-peeling tradition Every Christmas we have a house full of family staying on December 24, ready for lunch the next day. This means a mountain of veg to prepare, so every year we have a “peeling party”. At 4pm on Christmas Eve, we get the party hats and champagne out and everyone’s given a bag of veg, a bowl and a peeler. It’s become a Christmas tradition for us and we have great fun. I thought other readers might like to try it, to see if it lightens their festive workload! Katie gooding, Slough

We Want to Hear From You! Send letters to readersletters@readersdigest.co.uk We pay £50 for Letter of the Month and £30 for every other published letter Please include your full name, address, email and daytime phone number. We may edit letters and use them in all print and electronic media.

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reasons to be cheerful

Can James Brown escape the iconic prison island— and does he even want to leave?

Having Fun Behind The Bars I’ve never seen my son quite so captivated

James, founder of Loaded magazine, now edits Sabotage Times—an online magazine with the motto: “We can’t concentrate, why should you?”

(no pun intended) as he is now—in the middle of the Alcatraz audio tour. While I fiddle with the headset control and work out how to pause the commentary so I can take in the detail in the old cells, he’s off in a crowd of jail tourists, keen to find out as much as he can. For a while I was slightly worried I’d lose him, but then I realised—this is a prison on an island that only five inmates ever escaped from, so he’s not going anywhere. And anyway, as history lessons go, he seems to love it. People told me to book early and choose the dusk tour for maximum eeriness, but because of the confusing array of San Francisco day-trip offers online, I did neither. Thankfully we managed to get a boat before the end of our holiday, although you normally have to arrange it in advance. There’s only one boat trip to Alcatraz, and we were very excited to be on it. the opposite of fort knox, Alcatraz has entered the language as something that’s impossible to escape from. Maybe that’s what makes the escapees’ stories even more fascinating. Five prisoners fled The Rock in two separate

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Illustration by Lee Hodges

breakouts. Two were captured on the next island, while the other three —the subject of the Clint Eastwood film Escape From Alcatraz—are still missing. The authorities like to say they probably died while trying to

swim across the bay, but they’re still on the FBI wanted-fugitives list, which in itself is quite surprising. If they survived, they’d all be in their early eighties now and could be reading this article. In fact, I hope they are. 12•2014

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R e as o n s to b e c h e e r f u l

The prison itself is far smaller psychopaths and people with than you’d imagine—just two murderous anger-management issues. In the solitary-confinement symmetrical blocks of cells with a cell I took a few “art shots” of the walkway between them and a view ventilation holes and pale-green out to the bay for those locked up walls, and wondered what the on the top floors. The exercise yard prisoners must have looked at all is the one you see in the film, as are day. Having said that, a couple of the walkways. The museum audio the tiny cells, with tour features the firsttheir jigsaws and books, hand testimonies of actually looked quite some of these prisoners I doubt anyone appealing—no council and the warden who tax or parking tickets guarded them. It sounds would have pay, no idiots on like it was as much fun imagined that to the train squealing to work here as it was to half a century on their phones. You’d be locked up. just need to stay out The living monument on they’d be the way of The Creep, to incarceration has selling prison of a notoriously unstable lots of stories to tell merchandise sociopathic prisoner and myths to bust. The who went everywhere Bird Man of Alcatraz, on tiptoes. for example, didn’t have any birds here; he had them at his previous prison. And he wasn’t the So many characters portrayed gentle soul Burt Lancaster portrayed on film were kept here. We see him as either—unlike “Machine Gun” Al Capone in his mugshot, looking Kelly who, to paraphrase the tour, cocky and supremely powerful, “behaved like a total gentleman once and Bumpy Johnson, the Godfather he’d put his machine guns down”. of Harlem who was Denzel This in particular impressed my son. Washington’s character’s boss in “He worked out that by being wellthe film American Gangster. Then behaved in prison he’d get privileges,” Frank Morris, who led the trio that he said. “Everyone liked him because escaped from their cells by scraping he was a gentleman.” Hopefully this open the walls and replacing bricks is a thought he’ll take back to school and their own sleeping heads with with him. papier-mâché replicas. I spent most of our time on Alcatraz Having walked slowly through the wondering what on earth it must dining hall, the infirmary where The have been like surrounded by bars, Birdman lived due to ill health, out 18

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Reader’s Digest

into the exercise yard and around the warden’s quarters, I caught up with my son outside. He was overflowing with information and questions. But first he wanted to go to the shop and meet a real-life former prisoner who was signing books there. I doubt anyone but Al Capone and Kelly would have imagined that, half a century on from their time there, they’d be selling Alcatraz prisoner and prison merchandise

such as the posters, books, fridge magnets, postcards and sweatshirts on sale here. My son came back with a poster of the most infamous inmates, with hundreds of years of prison sentences between them. “I’m going to put this on my wall with my skateboard posters,” he explains. “This is one of the best places I’ve ever visited.” As prisons go, it’s hard to disagree.

budding authors, take a bow! This thought-provoking tale was one of thousands submitted to last year’s 100-Word-Story Competition. Turn to p72 for details of how to enter this year’s competition.

Charlie “Morning, Sarah,” Liz says to me as I settle at my desk. “Good weekend?” “Not bad, thanks,” I say. “I spent it with Charlie.” “Ah, young love! How long is it you’ve been with him now?” “Oh, nearly a year,” I look down, blushing. It still makes me wince. But it’s my own fault for being such a coward. “Well, he must be a keeper,” Liz smiles. I turn away, hands trembling. Nearly a year and I’ve never told her she’s using the wrong pronouns. When am I ever going to be able to say Charlie is short for Charlotte? Talitha Black, Devon Talitha says: “My story was inspired by the power of expectations in everyday life and the impact they can have on people who don’t fit into them. I’m an avid reader, keep a journal and enjoy writing poetry and short stories.” Talitha will receive a cheque for £50

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W h at ’ s o n i n d e c e m b e r

Our Pick of the DVDs ■■Life Story

David Attenborough as we know and love him best—telling amazing stories of lives around the world, filmed to perfection. ■■the inbetweeners 2

■■biography: big eyes Tim Burton directs a starry cast in this biography of Margaret Keane, whose husband claimed credit for her popular paintings in the 1960s. Amy Adams (above) stars opposite the enigmatic Christoph Waltz as the couple who embark on a legal battle over the rights to Margaret’s work.

TV Highlights Learn how to change the world from your living room with this year’s Royal Institution Christmas Lecture “How to Hack Your Home”, on BBC Four.

In the wake of the first film’s teenage disasters in Crete, the boys head for Australia to embark on more puerile yet brilliantly funny antics. ■■Jon rICHARDSON: NIDIOT LIVE

Uptight and angry about most things, the likeable, eversmiling comedian attempts to change his attitude to life.

On Your Radar Frances Harris, retired teacher Online: nationaltrail.co.uk

absorbing series demonstrates the reality of life in frontline emergency services.

My husband and I are walking the Thames Path (in stages), and this site is invaluable when we’re working out the logistics.

Reading: Enemies at Home by Lindsey Davis As always,

Listening: All Things Must Pass by George Harrison A recent reissue

Davis weaves intrigue and action, underpinned by great wit.

and a timely reminder of how his music lasts.

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Watching: 24 Hours in Police Custody (Channel 4) This

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entertainment

“I don’t think actors ever

retire” Julie Walters, one of the stars of the new Paddington film, on why she’s enjoying herself more than ever

By to m browne

“ i d o n ’ t t h i n k ac to r s e v e r r e t i r e ”

t would be difficult to mistake Julie Walters for anyone else. From the very moment you’re ushered into her humorous presence, it’s hard to avoid the phrase “national treasure”—even if you suspect she’d rather avoid it herself. “It’s not my term,” she says, with a dismissive wave of the hand. “It’s an easy way to describe people if they’re a bit popular.” We’re in the cosy surroundings of London’s Soho Hotel to discuss Julie’s latest role as Mrs Bird, the Brown 26

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family’s housekeeper, in Paddington, the long-awaited film version of Michael Bond’s delightful children’s stories. Deftly mixing modern CGI effects with live action, Paddington combines old-fashioned nostalgia with quirky contemporary humour (there’s a particularly funny satnav joke in the advance clips shown to the press)—and Julie, for one, has no doubt that modern audiences will embrace it. “I think people will find it amusing as a view of Britain and the British. It’s very English in some ways, but

Previous SP read: © GETTY IM AGES/DAVE J HOg an

Mrs Bird (Julie Walters) takes an eccentric approach to cleaning in Paddington

“ i d o n ’ t t h i n k ac to r s e v e r r e t i r e ”

vigorously. “And that element of things in her mouth…for want of a surprise when a character is funny, better phrase.” but then you suddenly realise, Oh Indeed, the strict, funny and kindmy god, they’re not! Projects that offer hearted Mrs Bird could have been those things appeal to written for Julie, who’s me, because that’s what made her name playing life’s like.” comic characters “We decided When it came to with an underlying that Mrs Bird is approaching Mrs warmth and emotional Bird, Julie turned to a intelligence—one thinks from Glasgow, number of people for of her career-defining because that’s guidance. “I asked performance as the where [my friends who’d read the down-to-earth Susan make-up artist] books as a child to share in Educating Rita, or her Bafta-winning Graham is from” their memories. I grilled my husband about Mrs portrayal of former Bird and he said, ‘Well, Northern Ireland she was very stern, but you knew that secretary Mo Mowlam. So does this she was loving.’ I remember thinking, type of character attract her? That’s a difficult one.” “Oh yes, I like roles with a bit of But it was Julie’s make-up artist weight,” she says, nodding her head “i like a role that’s got a journey” RD: Had you worked with any of the cast of Paddington before? JW: I’ve worked with Jim Broadbent on everything—we go way back. And I knew Hugh [Bonneville] from The Mary Whitehouse Story. There was a dream scene where we snogged—he’s never been the same! RD: Did you always want to be an actor? JW: Yes, always. When I hear that some people suddenly discover it later, I think, How did they do that? Why didn’t they always know?

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RD: If you weren’t an actor, what would you be? JW: A writer. I wrote a novel called Maggie’s Tree [about a group of actors in Manhattan], and I loved writing my autobiography as well. RD: What books do you have by your bedside at the moment? JW: I’ve just finished The Gift of Rain by Tan Twan Eng, which is set in Penang during the Second World War. It’s very moving. And I’ve read the first ten pages of Ian McEwan’s new novel The Children Act.

Reader’s Digest

Graham (“as camp as a row of tents”, in Julie’s words) who proved to be an unlikely source of inspiration. “We decided that Mrs Bird was from Kelvinside in Glasgow, because that’s where Graham’s from,” says Julie, chuckling at the memory and slipping into an uncanny Glaswegian accent. “In fact, Mrs Bird becomes more and more like Graham. She’s always shouting things like, ‘Steady the buffs!’ because her husband was a sea captain and she carries around all these old terms.” ulie smiles when i suggest there’s something typically British about Paddington Bear, from the duffel coat, hat, suitcase and marmalade sandwiches to his

RD: What is it about a script that makes you say yes? JW: It’s got to work as a whole and there has to be an integrity of sorts—even if it’s a light comedy, it’s got to be based in truth. Generally speaking, I like a role that’s got a journey and a development of some sort. RD: Are there roles that people always remember? JW: It’s usually Two Soups. There’s a scene in Indian Summers [an upcoming BBC drama] where I come out with a couple of plates. All the young actors

adopted name (as in the original stories, he’s rechristened by the Brown family after being discovered at London’s Paddington station). Despite hailing from “deepest, darkest Peru”, he’s a familiar figure. Likewise, the film is a roll call of British acting talent, headed by Hugh Bonneville, Sally Hawkins, Ben Whishaw and Jim Broadbent. This, you sense, sits well with Julie—the affection with which she’s held by the British public partly derives from the fact that she’s never fled these shores for Hollywood, even though she has a huge international profile largely through her role as Molly Weasley in the Harry Potter films. “I was given an agent and taken under the wing of Columbia Pictures after Educating Rita came out,” she fell about laughing—I thought, Play the bloody scene! RD: If you could be a fly on the wall, whose wall would you choose? JW: Barack Obama’s, firstly because I’d like to know what he really thinks in private, and secondly because he’s very attractive!

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“ i d o n ’ t t h i n k ac to r s e v e r r e t i r e ”

recalls. “They arranged all sorts of interviews, but nothing ever came of it. I just felt that the best writing and talent was in the UK. The stuff I was getting was c**p…well, not c**p, but just stuff I didn’t want to do. After all, the best American material is always going to go to the best American actors.” After eight Baftas (including the Bafta Fellowship earlier this year), two Emmys and a Golden Globe, it’s difficult to argue with her decision. In fact, along with fellow Brits Helen Mirren and Judi Dench, Julie is arguably one of a select group of actors who’s been able to have

With husband Grant Roffey

a successful career on her own terms—and it’s one that shows no sign of slowing down. “I don’t think actors ever retire, to be honest,” she confesses. “They might be forced to. I did consider it when I turned 60 [Julie is now 64]. I thought to myself, I could easily not work. But then this script came through 30

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Top Right: © REX/Richard Young Below: © Moviestore collection Ltd/Alamy

Julie in the title role of Educating Rita, the part that made her famous

entertainment

Favourite Children’s

Programme

By S i mo n H e m e l ry k

Which TV shows had you jumping for joy, laughing like a drain or just cowering behind the sofa?

about to arrive in cinemas—no doubt slightly lost, with an emergency marmalade sandwich under his hat—we asked Hugh Bonneville (who plays the Peruvian bear’s adopted father Mr Brown) and a host of other well-known names to tell us about the programmes they loved as kids and which shaped their lives. 32

Photo/Illustrati on credit

with the new film version of children’s TV treasure Paddington

Photo/Illustration credit

Hugh Bonneville

My memories of the time spent between getting back from school and doing homework are a kaleidoscope of grazed knees, being rubbish at making Airfix and yelling, “Achtung!” as my friends and I besieged/escaped from the occupied The classic line-up: (from left) John Noakes, Valerie Singleton and Peter Purves

territories of various back gardens in Blackheath, south-east London. But my sharpest memory is sitting cross-legged on the carpet, in prep-school shorts with a downy moustache of orange squash, watching three gods of TV glowing from the screen in front of me. You see, I was one of the anointed generation who, between 1967 and 1972, bore witness to the tripartite Blue Peter divinity of John Noakes, Peter Purves and Valerie Singleton. Blue Peter had brilliant content (“Mum, look! He’s climbed all the way up that big chimney!”), but it was the dynamics of the presenters that made it perfection—the nuttiness of Noakes and the charm of Purves, both kept in check by sensible Singleton. Going through the attic the other day, my wife Lulu found a 1975 letter from Biddy Baxter, Blue Peter’s legendary producer, thanking her for her terrific contribution to the latest appeal and awarding her a Blue Peter badge. “Something you never achieved,” Lulu boasted, hurtfully. I asked her if she could remember the name of the elephant who peed on the studio floor, then trod on John Noakes’ foot. She could not. “It was Lulu,” I said. That wiped the smug grin off her face. Paddington is in cinemas nationwide from November 28

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m y f av o u r it e c h i l d r e n ’ s p r o g r a m m e

Reader’s Digest

Cerrie Burnell

I wasn’t allowed to watch TV at home, but on Wednesdays I went to a child minder—and there I got to see The Mysterious Cities of Gold on BBC1. I absolutely loved it, though I wasn’t ever clear what was going on. There were three children searching for a lost city, a golden condor, a monkey man…and I think it was set in the 1600s. But it had this magical expansiveness, set in a sort of reality yet with all these enchanted things happening around the characters. As an exercise in creative thinking, it probably had a big effect on me becoming a writer. I lived in that world for 20 minutes

Kirsty Wark

I first saw Doctor Who when I was about ten and it scared the living daylights out of me, particularly the Daleks. They were impregnable and didn’t seem to have any compassion. They were beyond my moral compass. The show was different to anything I’d ever seen. Science fiction wasn’t on my radar at all. I was aware of the likes of Jules Verne, but this was the first time I’d seen the idea of something like time travel visualised.

every week, then I’d try to imagine what was going to happen next. I never did discover if they found the City of Gold because I didn’t see the last episode. But I’m not sure anybody did. Maybe it went off air before they made it—it’s all part of the mystery. Cerrie’s debut children’s book Snowflakes is out now

I didn’t carry a love of the show into adulthood, but it helped me get a handle on books such as The Midwich Cuckoos and The Day of the Triffids, a good feeder for getting into a particular kind of literature. Kirsty’s debut novel The Legacy of Elizabeth Pringle is on sale now 12•2014

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m y f av o u r it e c h i l d r e n ’ s p r o g r a m m e

Michael Rosen

Michael’s book Good Ideas: How to be Your Child’s (and Your Own) Best Teacher is out now

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Al Murray

I loved The Wombles, even though it was extremely unsubtle propaganda about picking up litter and being good to the planet. My dad [Lieutenant Colonel Ingram Bernard Hay Murray] was generally disparaging of kids’ TV, but my parents were big on recycling, so he approved of The Wombles and all that making good use of the things that you find, the things that the everyday folks leave behind.

The Lone Ranger was the programme I watched more than any other as a child. My friends and I loved doing the voices and running around the playground smacking our bums like we were smacking the side of a horse. As a seven-year-old, the idea that there was this unknown person who arrived, solved all these problems and disappeared without ever saying who he was gave me a nice feeling. And Tonto was intriguing. I was fascinated by the actor’s name, which I think was Jay Silverheels. He was nearly always the character who had the wisdom, at a time—the 1950s— when other shows or literature would have made that the white man. That challenged some preconceptions.

Reader’s Digest

Steve Backshall

Today, I’m one of those people who come out in hives if I see people littering. I tend to pick it up and put it in the bin, so I think the propaganda worked. The Wombles influenced me to become a musician too. The band, along with Animal from The Muppets, made me want to become a drummer, and I now play in two groups.

I grew up on a small holding in Surrey, and my mum and dad wanted me to be outside as much as we could. But I always had to be home for The Really Wild Show. I loved it when Terry Nutkins would introduce you to his world. His passion was otters—he adopted some and lost a couple of fingers in the process. But he created a halcyon ideal of what the British countryside could be. I thought, Wow, even here on our small island, there are places so exotic. A big part of the show’s appeal was Michela Strachan. For a lot of men of my generation, she’s the first women they looked at as something other than a mother or a sister. Of course, I ended up presenting The Really Wild Show myself—with Michela. So it’s been quite a big part of my life. Steve’s Deadly Pole to Pole Diaries and novel Wilds of the Wolf are available now

Al Murray, The Pub Landlord’s brand new stand-up DVD One Man, One Guvnor is out now. His live tour has been extended until May 2015—visit thepublandlord.com 12•2014

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Andrew Schultz writes reveals the adventures of an unlikely hero in Saints and Heroes. Running through the spectrum of hope, despair and faith, it follows Anselm from his boyhood on the rugged isolation of the Isle of Iona through a course of study at Glastonbury. The young scholar gets noticed by the powers that be. Ultimately, he would stake his destiny to a long association with King Malcolm Caenmore, a ruthless, intelligent despot who started the reign of a 300 year dynasty of a united Scotland. He manages to navigate safely through this association with the grace of somebody wiser and older.

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Reader’s Digest

Wendy Cope

I have tremendous enthusiasm for the Teletubbies. My husband Lachlan [Mackinnon, also a poet] and I used to tape the show and watch it without any children present. The whole series looks and sounds enchanting. I haven’t got any astute views on why it’s good for kids—there was always a bit in the middle showing youngsters doing useful activities, but we used to fast forward that. I’m afraid bits of their language have got into our conversation at home. We sometimes refer to our vacuum cleaner as the Noo Noo and talk about “tubby custard” and the “tubby punge”, the sponge they wash themselves with. It’s pathetic, really, isn’t it? Wendy’s new collection of prose, essays and recollections Life, Love and The Archers is out now

Stephen Webb

When I used to watch Mr Benn go into that fancy dress shop, do himself up as a zookeeper or a wizard and walk through into this other world, I used to think, Ooh, I want to go to that store. It was the escapism and a sense that you could be anything you wanted to be. There were about six of us at home when I was five, including my mum and dad—though it swelled to 11 later —and we all used to watch it. The cowboy episode was my favourite. My brother Paul and I would play the roles. He was always the Indian and I was the cowboy. I still love fancy dress and go to fancy-dress parties as often as possible. The last one was about two weeks ago. I went as a cowboy! Gogglebox star Stephen has just opened his first salon, Lustig & Webb, in Hurstpierpoint, West Sussex 12•2014

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entertainment

Wilbur Smith “I Remember”

…Thinking my father was like a god. I’d follow him around, lapping up every word. He was powerful, both physically and mentally, and had huge forearms; he’d been an amateur boxer. Yet he was gentle in spirit for such a rough man and has been the model for many of the characters in my books. 40

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…My mother reading to me. Unlike my dad, who I never saw touch a book, she read all the time and was a foil to him. She was beautiful. Listening to her read every night was special and ignited my passion for storytelling. …Moving to a huge cattle ranch. It was about 30,000 acres and, for a boy aged 12, it was heaven. On the neighbouring ranch I had a friend, Alwyn, who was the same age as me and we’d get up to all sorts of mischief. My younger sister would tag along, but we thought she was a pain and were always trying to give her the slip. …Stealing dynamite. Alwyn and I hatched a plan to get rich. We’d steal a stick of my father’s dynamite (used to

… W e ta l k e d a b o u t Britain as home, even though I was born in 1933 in Northern Rhodesia (now Zambia) and had never been to Britain. It was the Great Depression and all the copper mines closed down. We used to go down to the railway station every Saturday to see which British subjects were being sent “home”. They were given the fare and left to fend for themselves.

p hotos courtesy of wi lbur sm i th

Growing up among the wildlife of Zambia. “We’d get up to all kinds of mischief ”

destroy anthills), take it to the river and blow up a lot of fish. Then we’d sell it and make our fortunes. So I stole the dynamite and Alwyn and I borrowed a boat from the village chief and paid two men to row us to the middle of the lagoon. When I produced the dynamite the two rowers tried to mutiny, but I lit the fuse and threw it overboard, shouting, “Row very quickly!” One of the rowers dropped his paddle, so we went round and round in circles as the dynamite exploded. The

canoe blew apart and we were flung 15 foot into the air. The crocodiles and hippos fled the water, and hundreds of fish were dying and flapping around us. But we didn’t pause to collect them; we swam out of there quicker than the crocodiles! The African chief was very angry, and by the time we got home news had spread to my father. He took off his belt and gave it to me around the back of my legs. 12•2014

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…Liking women. After two singlesex schools, it was a marvellous thing to find women studying alongside me at Rhodes University in South Africa. I put my success with them down to the fact that I always made it obvious I liked them. Although I did get a degree in commerce, it was entertaining women and reading that most interested me at university.

Reader’s Digest

an agent in London and waited for another rejection letter. But an incredible thing happened two weeks later when a telegram arrived. When the Lion Feeds had been accepted by William Heinemann in the UK for the advance sum of £200. It was more money I ever dreamed would come into my hands.

…Re ader’s Dig e s t ta k i n g When the Lion Feeds as a condensed book. It was a good sign that I was on my way to becoming a successful writer! I’ve always had a good relationship with Reader’s Digest —they have taken many of my novels into their canon.

…T e l l i n g m y dad I wanted to be a journalist. He said, “Don’t be a bloody fool, you’ll starve to death. Get a real job.” So I became an accountant. And was miserable. My mother suggested I write a novel during my spare time. It took me two years …The best adand was appalling, vice I ever refull of every single ceived. It came At the age of 24 with his first published mistake it’s possible from Charles Pick, novel. He received a £200 advance to make in a first the general mannovel. It was rejected by agents and ager of William Heinemann who later publishers alike. became my agent. I flew to the UK just before the book was published in 1964 …Being divorced and penni- and walked with him near his home. less with two children to He said, “Write what you want to write support. I was 24 and turned to about and what you know about. Don’t writing again simply for the pleasure be sidetracked by other people; write of using my imagination. When this what comes naturally to you.” He was my mentor, my friend, my second novel was finished, I sent it to 12•2014

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I remember

Signing copies of When the Lion Feeds, published in 1964

standing there. It was the only time I hated him; he’s a tremendous gentleman.

guru and a great businessman. When he became my agent and did the first deal, I said to him, “You’ve got ten times the amount of money than I ever got from the publishers when you were there.” He was a legend.

…Being married for 28 years to Danielle. It was so good and then, at the end, so very sad. The cancer got into her brain and she was no longer the woman I’d loved all those years. I sat beside her when she died and thought, My darling, you’re at peace now. She died in 1999, the same year as Charles Pick, and I felt so alone. …The characters in my books. The number of books I’ve sold (over 120 million) is so large it’s almost unreal, but the characters within them are

With Roger Moore and Susannah York while filming Gold in 1974 44

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xxx

…Getting in a clinch with Susannah York. She and Roger Moore were starring in the film Gold, adapted from one of my books. I went to see them filming in South Africa, and one evening we were all carousing. Susannah and I had a dance and I thought, This is it! just as Roger came across and said, “Come on, Susannah, off we go, time for bed,” and left me

HEALTH

Who’s Stealing Your Good Night’s Sleep? Sleep apnoea may be the culprit illustration by helen f ri el

By E R K ing

Katharine Lawes knew what sleep apnoea was

before she ever spent the night in a sleep lab. Her older brother, a cousin and a friend had all been diagnosed with the condition. So when she went on holiday with her family two summers ago, she understood what it meant when her son told her that she’d been gasping for air during the night. 47

w h o ’ s s t e a l i n g y o u r g o o d n i g h t ’ s sl e e p ?

Lawes, 67, also heard how serious sleep apnoea could be. “You’re tired during the day because you haven’t slept. Your body’s been working too hard to stay alive,” Lawes, a Canadian who lives in Spain, recalled her brother saying. “When you wake up, you’re exhausted.”

That’s exactly what happens during sleep apnoea, says Dr F Javier Puertas, head of the Sleep Medicine Centre at La Ribera University Hospital in Alzira, Valencia. In people with sleep apnoea, the upper airway narrows, collapses and cuts off, or obstructs, the body’s air supply during sleep. Not surprisingly, the lack of air causes many people to first snore, then gasp and wake up in order to restore normal breathing. “In some cases it happens hundreds of times during the night,” Puertas says. “The patient isn’t aware of these awakenings. Normally they last around three or five seconds, and at the end of the night patients only remember that the sleep hasn’t been refreshing.” Not all snoring is sleep apnoea. But very loud snoring, because of the obstructed airway, is sometimes a sign of it. Other symptoms: daytime sleepiness, morning headaches, high blood pressure and abrupt awakenings or periods when someone else notices that you’ve stopped breathing. Untreated sleep apnoea has been linked to problems with glucose control that can lead to diabetes, and with cardiovascular problems, such as an increased risk of high blood pressure. And there’s another potentially 48

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deadly effect: traffic accidents caused by sleepy drivers. It’s not clear exactly how many such crashes there are, but sleep experts in Europe estimate around 20 per cent. This figure is supported by a survey last year by the European Sleep Research Society, which found that one in five Europeans said they had fallen asleep at the wheel in the previous two years. Among those who had snoozed, seven per cent said they had had a motor vehicle accident as a result. The concern about accidents has led a working group for the European Commission on Sleep Apnoea and Driving to recommend that the EU require drivers with sleep apnoea to get it under control, or else risk losing their licenses. The good news? “It’s been demonstrated clearly now that effective treatment of sleep apnoea removes any excess risk of an auto accident,” says the chairman of the working group Dr Walter McNicholas, director of the Pulmonary and Sleep Disorders Unit at St Vincent’s University Hospital in Dublin. You may not have known about

this condition ten or 20 years ago. Two decades ago, as few as four per cent of men and two per cent of women

Rea d e r ’ s D i g e s t

had sleep apnoea, but those numbers are increasing, in part because more people have risk factors for it, such as obesity, McNicholas says. Genetic factors may also play a role. “Figures in the region of five to ten per cent are now regularly talked about as prevalence figures for significant sleep apnoea,” he says. That translates to between 35 and 70 million Europeans. With more cases comes another concern. “When you consider that you diagnose such people by the monitoring of their breathing while they sleep, then the logistics of that are immense,” notes McNicholas. As a result, a good deal of research is focused on ways to

easily and effectively find sleep apnoea, both in sleep labs and in the home. Devices that can detect sleep patterns, or portable monitors that can track sleep while worn to bed at home, are two promising solutions. Today, most people still must spend a night in a sleep lab in order to be diagnosed. Many find it’s not as strange an environment as they expected. “I thought I was going to have a hard time, but I fell right asleep,” Lawes says. She says it helped to keep in mind that finding an answer to her sleep problem was going to be a good thing. Treatment can be another story. Probably the most familiar—and at the

Are You at Risk of Sleep Apnoea? Check off any of these statements that apply to you. SECTION A

SECTION B

❑❑

I snore loudly.

❑❑

I often feel tired during the day.

My body mass index (BMI) is greater than 35.

❑❑

I’m over the age of 50.

❑❑

I’ve been told I stop breathing or choke/gasp while I sleep.

❑❑

I have high blood pressure, or take medicine to treat it.

The circumference of my neck is greater than 43cm (man) or 41cm (woman).

❑❑

I’m a man.

If you checked off five or more questions overall, or two or more questions in section A and you are male or have a body mass index of more than 35, you have a high risk of sleep apnoea. Discuss this with your doctor.

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Rea d e r ’ s D i g e s t

same time most common and most effective—treatment today is CPAP, which stands for continuous positive airway pressure. The system involves a small air pump, tube and a mask that covers the nose (or nose and mouth) during sleep to direct air gently into the upper airway. The thought of sleeping with a mask for the rest of one’s life is cer-

tainly off-putting to some, Puertas says. “I tell my patients that the CPAP is like glasses.” When you wake up, you put your glasses on. In much the same way, he says, when it’s time to fall asleep, you put on your CPAP.” After a while, some people even develop an attachment to their device. Says McNicholas, “They actually go to bed and snuggle up with the CPAP How Does CPAP Work?

Photo: ResMed

A mask covering the nose or nose and mouth supplies gently pressurised air into the throat. CPAP machines can be adjusted to supply low air pressure while the user falls asleep and build up to higher pressure once asleep.

mask.” He believes it’s the body’s subconscious reaction to being able finally to relax and have a restful night’s sleep after months or years of untreated sleep apnoea. Still, a CPAP takes some getting used to. When Lawes first began treatment, the mask didn’t fit correctly. A smaller mask was the solution. And later, when she felt the air itself was a little bothersome, she was able to get a humidifier attachment to moisten the air and help her breathe easier. Sometimes she falls asleep without the mask or takes it off halfway through the night—a not-uncommon situation, Puertas says, but after a few days without CPAP, the full symptoms of sleep apnoea will return. Lawes notices a difference the day after she doesn’t use the CPAP for the full five hours or so recommended; she’s more prone to falling asleep during the afternoon and doesn’t feel as alert and in good health on those days. Knowing that consistent treatment is essential for her health makes it easier to try and be consistent, she says. Partners, even those who are leery at first, are many times also comforted by the fact that the CPAP does an important job: instead of worrying that their partner will stop breathing, there is relief, Puertas says. Some partners do complain about the machine’s noise, and that’s not an easy issue to solve, he says. But the bedroom often gets quieter because there’s less snoring. “Most of them prefer the uniform—and 12•2014

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Rea d e r ’ s D i g e s t

normally low—CPAP noise to the loud snoring,” Puertas says. And having a supportive partner has been shown to help people stick with CPAP, according to a new study. Lawes has gone on holiday with friends and family since beginning treatment. On one trip, after she took off her mask during the night, a friend woke her up to tell her to put it back on because she was snoring. Lawes is also spreading the word about sleep apnoea. A friend with some health issues, including heart trouble, was told she might have sleep apnoea but was afraid to go to the sleep lab. “She was petrified to take the test,” Lawes says. “When I told her the seriousness of it, she went and got tested.” After a month using her new CPAP she told Lawes that she was getting a lot more sleep, and that she was

looking forward to the results of some new tests about her heart. More and more, awareness of sleep apnoea brings people to their doctor’s offices. “They’ve read about the risk of heart attack and stroke, and they’re aware that untreated sleep apnoea puts them at higher risk of those medical complications,” McNicholas says. “And they actually come expressing a concern about that and a desire to be investigated for sleep apnoea.” Many people are surprised that they do get used to a CPAP. “People say in advance of treatment, ‘I couldn’t sleep with that thing.’ I regularly get that comment in my practice. But the reality is, they tolerate it very well,” he says, “and they get a huge benefit.” For more information about sleep apnoea, visit sleep-apnoea-trust.org

doff your caps, please! Ever been in the presence of overwhelming privilege? Facebook page Overheard in Waitrose will make even the poshest individual feel inferior: “No, Jonathan! Stop looking at saucepans! I told you, your job is to find the brioche.” “Life isn’t fair, Dante.” (Dante looked about four and clearly hadn’t worked out yet that being called Dante also isn’t fair.) “Make sure we only get two packs, dear. We don’t want the cashier thinking we’re buying them because they’re three for £10.” Child: “Eeeew, mum, why have you got Waitrose Essential carrots?” Mother: “They’re fine for the horse, darling.” 12•2014

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HEALTH

How Safe Is Your Kitchen? By s usa n n ah h i c k l i n g

At this time of year, more than any other, we’re slaving over a hot stove. But are there hidden health risks in your cooking equipment?

Aluminium pans Fears about a link between aluminium cookware and Alzheimer’s were sparked by the claim that the brains of people with the disease contained higher concentrations of the metal than other people’s brains. The Alzheimer’s Society says that aluminium’s prevalence in society makes it difficult to draw a definitive conclusion, but that it’s “increasingly unlikely” that the mineral causes Alzheimer’s. The bottom line is, there’s no evidence but no one is 100 per cent sure. ■ What to do? Choose stainless steel over aluminium pans, if you’re still concerned. 54

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Susannah is twice winner of the Guild of Health Writers Best Consumer Magazine Health Feature

Microwaves Is there any truth in the old scare story about microwave ovens emitting radiation and damaging fertility? Microwaves do cook using electromagnetic radiation, but there’s no radiation in the food itself. As soon as the oven switches off, the radiation stops. It’s possible that some could leak out if the door is damaged or doesn’t seal properly, but there’s absolutely no evidence that it causes fertility problems. ■ What to do? Check the door regularly and don’t run the microwave when it’s empty.

Non-stick cookware There have been worries about non-stick coatings causing cancer for a few years now. This is because a chemical used to manufacture it (PFOA) is considered by the US Environmental Protection Agency as a “likely carcinogen”. Concerns have been voiced that the material scratches off cheaper pans and you might eat the bits, and a potentially carcinogenic vapour is released. ■ What to do? Choose only good-quality pans and, preferably, buy stainless steel. Plastic wrap There are persistent rumours about cling film being bad for you, especially when heated in a microwave. One story is that it can release “foreign” oestrogens that can disrupt reproduction. Verdict? Not proven. Another concern is that the PVC in plastic wrap may break down to release a potent liver carcinogen. But it’s produced in such low levels, it’s unlikely to pose much of a risk. ■ What to do? It’s unlikely cling film will cause you problems unless it’s heated to the point of melting. Remember, carcinogens and other toxic substances occur naturally, everywhere. So don’t worry too much and enjoy your Christmas dinner!

Reader’s Digest

Kneed To Know

If you do these muscle-strengthening exercises every day, you could help counter the alignment imbalances that put strain on your knees.

Bridge Lie on your back with knees bent and arms at your sides. Slowly raise your pelvis towards the ceiling, keeping hands, arms and shoulders on the ground. Keep your back straight. Hold for 20 seconds; release. Repeat ten times; do two or three sets. ■ Strengthens: abs, hips, gluteal (buttock) and hamstring muscles.

Side leg lift Lie on your right side and prop yourself up on your right forearm. Raise your left leg up as high as you can, keeping it straight. Lower. Do ten for each side; do two or three sets. ■ Strengthens: hips and glutes. Donkey kicks Get on your hands and knees and slowly push your right leg backwards, keeping your knee bent and your thigh in line with your body. Keep your foot flexed and your back in a neutral position. Lower leg, repeat ten times on each side; do two sets. ■ Strengthens: hips, glutes and hamstring muscles.

men’s health five sobering facts Do the men in your life overindulge during the Christmas period? Bear in mind that guys who drink too much run the risk of: 1. A drop in testosterone and an increase in the effects of oestrogen. The result? Possible erectile dysfunction—and not just when he’s had too much to drink. 2. Testicular atrophy. Over time this hormone imbalance can cause the testes to get smaller and have diminished sperm production. 3. Birth defects. A 2013 study suggested that fathers-to-be who drink may increase the risk of birth defects and developmental problems in their children. 4. Stroke. A 2012 study revealed that heavy drinking is linked to cognitive problems and increased risk of stroke for men later in life. 5. Divorce. Excessive boozing can have a devastating impact on relationships. One study found the divorce rate doubled among couples where the husband drank heavily and the wife didn’t.

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Savour The Season The spices we use in our festive foods could have some surprising benefits:

An antioxidant AND anti-inflammatory Cloves are one of the best sources of antioxidants, which help fight off health-damaging free radicals. Plus a study in the Journal of Lipid Research showed that the oil from cloves can inhibit COX-2, a protein that sparks inflammation. There’s a bonus too: cloves act as a natural breath freshener. Stave off heart disease and diabetes A US study showed that cinnamon may contribute to the alleviation and prevention of insulin resistance and other signs of metabolic syndrome— an array of conditions that increase the risk of heart disease, stroke and type 2 diabetes. After consuming cinnamon and/or its water-soluble extracts, participants with those conditions showed beneficial effects on glucose, insulin levels and sensitivity, lipids and blood pressure. Boost brain power Cinnamon’s benefits don’t end there. It can also perk up your grey matter. A study in the North American Journal

Reader’s Digest

of Psychology revealed that a whiff of the spice, or chewing cinnamon gum, stimulated the cognitive process and improved scores in working memory and visual-motor response speed. Battle morning sickness Ginger is used to soothe upset stomachs and fight motion sickness. Now, Canadian researchers have reviewed the key studies for treating

nausea and vomiting brought on by pregnancy, and recommend ginger as a “safe, effective and inexpensive solution”. We wonder if the Duchess of Cambridge has tried this? new take on turkey stuffing Try adding chopped roasted walnuts, diced apple and a large pinch each of cardamom, cinnamon and nutmeg to your favourite recipe.

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HEALTH

There’s No Smoke Without Fire By max p e m b e r to n

I tentatively put my foot on the first step of the flight of stairs. “You be careful, doctor, won’t you,”

Max is a hospital doctor and author. He’s also the resident doctor on ITV’s This Morning

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comes a voice from the sitting room. Silence. I wait a few moments and gingerly take a few more steps. I look behind me and see a photograph framed on the wall. It’s of a family sitting on a beach—they’re eating ice creams and laughing. I recognise the adults sitting either side of their two children as the parents who, at this moment, are sitting downstairs. There’s a boy, perhaps 12 years old, in the picture, laughing as well. This must be Tom. I stare at his face in the photo and wonder when it began to go wrong. Probably a few years after this photograph was taken, I think. I hear a noise from the bedroom across the landing and I make my way over to it. The door is ajar. “Hello, Tom, are you in here?” I ask softly into the darkness. I can just make out someone crouching in the darkness by the bed. Nothing, and then a scream and something comes hurtling out of the darkness and hits the wall behind me. I go downstairs and I’m met by his parents, ashen faced. “He’s not going to talk to me,” I say. “We’re going to have to section him and get the police to bring him into hospital.” His mother starts crying while his father comforts her. “It’s for the best,” he says. It was a slow and insidious trajectory that resulted in Tom being like this.

His parents aren’t sure when it started, but both agree that soon

after taking his GCSEs things began to change. When his father caught him smoking cannabis in his room, Tom threatened to move out. I carefully write down everything they tell me, but it’s a story I’ve heard so many times. Then he started using skunk, a stronger form of cannabis, and things really started to change. He rarely came out of his room. In desperation they called the GP, and he referred Tom to the mental-health team. The wards are littered with similar examples of lives wrecked, sometimes for a short time, sometimes for good. I’ve seen dozens of people who’ve become psychotic using cannabis, and the number has increased as

stronger forms have become more widely available. The libertarian in me thinks that people should be free to make choices about what they do to themselves, and this includes using cannabis. And then I remember people like Tom. People aren’t making informed decisions about the risks because few people witness the true horrors of what it can do; the way it can fracture someone’s mind, strip someone of a future and devastate a family. The lives it ruins aren’t on display for everyone to see. They’re locked away in mental hospitals, or shut away in their rooms, while their parents wring their hands downstairs and a doctor upstairs wonders when it all began to go wrong. 12•2014

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HEALTH

medical myths—busted!

You Lose Most Of Your Heat Through Your Head weren’t given hats, so the researchers noticed that the most heat was lost through the head. In fact, this was just because this was the only part of the body not covered. What’s the truth?

Mothers the world over have nagged their children about this one, forcing a knitted hat on their child’s head before pushing them out into the snow. Even army manuals mention the need to wear a hat, claiming that up to 50 per cent of our heat is lost through out heads. It’s likely this myth originated from military studies 50 years ago that looked at hypothermia in soldiers wearing Arctic survival suits. The participants in the studies 62

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So, there’s nothing to worry about?

Well, you don’t have to suffer the indignity of wearing that hand-knitted tea cosy your auntie gave you last Christmas, just to survive. However, if you’re going out in the cold, you should cover up as much as possible if you want to conserve heat and avoid hypothermia.

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/HEALTH

Illustration By David Humphries

Where did the myth come from?

Recent military studies have shown this is a myth. They proved that people lose as much heat from their heads as any other part of their body when it’s left uncovered. There’s nothing special about the head when it comes to heat loss. In fact, the hair on the head makes it very slightly better at conserving heat compared to other parts of the body.

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Christmas

Traditions By Laura D ean- Osgood

These charming festive customs prove there’s more to Christmas than just turkey and trees 64

best of british

Porthcawl Christmas Swim South Wales

As you sip a glass of bubbly this Christmas Day, raise a toast to the swimmers braving the Bristol Channel for their annual chilly dip. This year marks the 50th anniversary of Porthcawl’s Christmas swim, which sees a huge crowd gather to watch hundreds of swimmers splash into the sea on the south coast of Wales. Many come to brave the freezing temperatures, and lots of them wear fancy dress to raise money for charity. In recent times, the water has ranged between -10C in 2010 to 11C a year later—when, as the swim’s chairwoman Nicola Willis says, “There were more people in the sea than most summer bank holidays.” Of course, it’s not just the water that entrants must contend with—there’s also a half-mile dash to the edge and back when the tide is low. With all this in mind, will you join in? ■ Visit christmasswim.org for details

Firemen and Fishermen Football Match Every year since 1893, Scarborough’s South Bay beach has hosted a football match between the fishermen and firemen of the town. The game takes place on Boxing Day morning, and there’s only one rule that matters. “You must wear a top hat,” says captain and organiser Billy Blades. “Anything goes—you can kick, push, 66

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Scarborough

R e a der ’ s D i g es t

A striker celebrates a goal against the fishermen

gouge. But if that top hat comes off, you get a free kick against you.” The game was originally set up to help raise funds for the families of the five fishermen who perished aboard the Eveyln & Maud during a storm in November 1893. “They raised £11/9/6d, which was a lot, and it all went to the widows and orphans,” says Billy. “We’ve continued it ever since.” The “firemen” of the original game

were the men who stoked the fires on the steam trawlers. “They kept warm while the others were catching fish in the cold, so there was plenty of rivalry between the teams,” says Billy. The sides now consist of fishermen and those who want to take part in the well-loved tradition. These days, it collects funds to help local older people over the winter months. ■ Visit fishermenandfiremen.co.uk for details 12•2014

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best of british

Black Santa Sit Out, Belfast Cathedral Belfast

■ Visit belfastcathedral.org for details

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Christmas Day Concert

Eastbourne, East Sussex

Joyful singing and cheer reverberate on Eastbourne’s popular promenade every Christmas morning, at a concert that dates back to 1935. The festive ensembles, held at the town’s grand old bandstand, have formed part of the Christmas schedule ever since the beautiful domed structure was first built. The concert attracts thousands of visitors, who fill the middle and upper balconies to sing carols together with the Eastbourne Silver Band—a longestablished concert troop. The event serves as a perfect activity to share

The steps of stunning Belfast cathedral have become the site of a ritual that’s raised millions of pounds for charity since it began 38 years ago. Each year, the cathedral’s dean takes to the steps for his annual “sit out”, collecting donations for local causes. The charity vigil, which lasts several days in the run up to Christmas, was started by Dean Sammy Crooks in 1976, who was concerned with how funds were being directed to costly maintenance work rather than helping others. He decided to sit in front of the cathedral asking for donations— and it worked. Dressed in a traditional black cloak, he became known as Black Santa, and the custom has been maintained by the subsequent deans of the cathedral every year since.

R e a der ’ s D i g es t

Pudding Ride

London

with family, friends, locals and visitors. “These concerts have such a great atmosphere,” says councillor Carolyn Heaps. “They’re very popular as a pre-dinner delight.” Like many bandstands around the country, Eastbourne’s has an illustrious history. The semi-circle structure replaced an iron bandstand from 1882 known as the Bird Cage. The first concerts attracted over 10,000 people, and today it still draws big crowds— running around 170 shows throughout the year, including on Boxing Day and New Year’s Day.

A relatively new fixture in the festive calendar, this Christmas-morning bike ride takes in the sights of London on one of the few days it’s free of commuters and double-decker buses. Matthew Hilton, owner of MiCycle in Islington, north London, has been running the ride for four years. “We start at Tower Bridge and weave our way over all the bridges,” says Matthew. “We take it gently, as we’re quite a mixed bunch of cyclists. And we often bump into other cycle groups who are doing the same thing, which is nice.” Once the work’s been done, everyone is invited back to the shop for hot mince pies and mulled wine. “It’s a great way to start Christmas day,” claims Matthew. Though it’s free to take part, riders are invited to make a donation, big or small—all of which goes to charity. ■ Visit micycle.org.uk for details

■ Visit eastbournebandstand.co.uk for details 12•2014

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best of british

River of Light Parade Caerphilly

The residents of Caerphilly, South Wales, mark the beginning of Christmas with the spectacular River of Light parade—now in its 14th year. The parade draws thousands to watch as children proudly display the lanterns they’ve crafted in the workshops held in the run up to the event. “We have people of all ages coming to the workshops,” says artist Andy O’Rourke. “Some families come back year after year and are now getting quite expert at making their lanterns.” The parade is praised for engendering community spirit, and includes samba in the streets and a grand fireworks display that closes the event at Caerphilly Castle. ■ Visit caerphilly.gov.uk for details

Barrel Racing

Grantchester, Cambridge

A challenge between locals back in 1960 started the rather obscure tradition of barrel racing that’s still very much alive today. Teams from Grantchester and surrounding villages compete by rolling their barrels along the 500-yard course in a relay. Though the custom lost steam in the mid-Seventies, it was resurrected in 2004 and continues to be a popular fixture in the town’s festivities—taking place every Boxing Day. “It’s a fantastic tradition and we need to keep it alive,” says local Sarah Dampier. “Everyone gets involved and the organiser does a great job.” ■ Visit grantchester.org.uk for details 70

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R e a der ’ s D i g es t

Pram races past and present

Pagham Pram Race West Sussex

It was over a drink one night in 1946 that a group of locals decided they wanted to raise money for local charities in Pagham. The pram race, which sees pairs of competitors complete a course as quickly as possible (one in a pram and one pushing), attracts hundreds of entrants. The rules are simple: you must stop at each of the three pubs along the way for a pint. And though it’s not compulsory, fancy dress is taken very seriously by some. “We’ve had life-size Lego men,” says Andrew Goodwill, treasurer of the Pram Race organisation. “And one year we were even visited by Roman

soldiers, who insisted on marching the entire course.” “The race is entrenched in local history,” Andrew continues, “and it’s all about raising money for local causes. But it does get quite competitive. Some teams compete the course in under 30 minutes—and that’s including the three pints!” ■ Visit paghampramrace.com for details Tell us about your Christmas traditions—big or small, simple or eccentric—by emailing readersletters@readersdigest.co.uk 12•2014

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INSPIRE

Terms and Conditions ■ Please send your stories—which should be original, unpublished and exactly 100 words long—to 100wordstory@readersdigest. co.uk by January 31, 2015. ■ There are three categories—one for adults, and two categories for schools: one for children aged 12– 18, and one for children under 12. ■ In the adult category, the entry voted best by the editorial team will receive £500, and two runnersup will each receive £75. ■ In each of the school categories, the prize for the winner is £250 of high-street vouchers of their choice, and £250 for their school, and two runners-up will each receive £50. ■ Mark each entry either “Adults”, “Schools 12–18 category” or “Schools under-12 category”. Winning entries will be published in a future issue.

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Word Story competition

Entries are flooding in to our annual short-story competition! Here are two stories from established authors to help fire up your imagination

Q A

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P L

Anastasia Parkes

Lulu Taylor

Spots dance before my eyes. Her wheelchair is getting heavier. If I let go, my patient will crash back down the hill. “Gotta stop, Rosa.” The procession draws ahead, prayers fading. The heat’s intense. Rosa, normally immobile, swivels. “You look like death, sweetie. Take a break.” “Help me!” I gasp, knees buckling. “I’m passing out!” Rosa’s wasted legs swing sideways. Her feet scrabble on the stones. “Get in,” she insists. “It’s my turn to push.” I collapse into the wheelchair. “We’ll get your migraines checked out.” Rosa bends gently to release the brakes. “But now it’s time to catch up.”

Sally sang with the carollers in the cold snowy darkness, hoping Robbie could hear her. Then he opened the door, smiling. “Beautiful,” he said, and tossed something into Sally’s bucket. “Thank you.” Afterwards in the hall, while the carollers drank tea, Sally counted the takings and found a small box with a red ribbon. “Goodness!” She opened it and saw a shining diamond ring. The note inside read: “Happy Christmas, darling S. Will you? R”. When she looked up, Robbie was standing there, anxious but excited. “Yes,” she said, crying and laughing at once. They hugged as the carollers cheered.

■ Anastasia Parkes’s collection of short stories Stabbing in the Rain (£4.50) is on sale now.

Rules: Please ensure that submissions are original, not previously published, and are exactly 100 words long. Don’t forget to include your full name, address, email and daytime phone number with all correspondence. We may use entries in all print and electronic media. We cannot acknowledge or return your story. Do not send SAEs. Contributions become world copyright of Reader’s Digest.

■ Lulu Taylor is a novelist and editor. Her latest novel The Snow Angel (£7.99) is out now

Entry is open only to residents of the UK, Channel Islands, Isle of Man and Republic of Ireland. It is not open to employees of Vivat Direct Ltd (t/a Reader’s Digest), its subsidiary companies and all other persons associated with this competition, their immediate families, and relatives living in an employee’s household. The judges’ decision is ﬁnal.

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INSPIRE

With reoffending rates in Britain continuing to rise, we meet an ex-prisioner with a novel approach to tackling the problem

back on THE STRAIGHT AND NARROW Jason Hill, 22, used to earn £3,000 a week from selling heroin and crack cocaine, an income he topped up by burgling houses. Four years ago in Woolwich Crown Court in south-east London, as he faced yet another burglary charge, the judge referred him to an ex-con for mentoring in an attempt to steer him away from a life of crime. 74

By Lynne Wallis

The ex-con in question was Charles in jail, having clocked up 40 convicYoung, who runs LACES (London Anti- tions for robbery, fraud and burglary. Crime Education Scheme). With his He came out vowing never to go back help, Hill put his criminal behaviour in, and decided that he wanted to help behind him, turned his life around and youngsters see that prison isn’t worth losing your life and liberty for. has been out of trouble ever since. “It’s a cliché, but I don’t want them “Once you become what they call a career criminal, your mind will never to do what I did,” he says. “I can see change,” says Hill, who now lives with myself in them at that age. I want his girlfriend and their two kids, and young people to see that a life of crime isn’t glamorous or fun. is in full-time employIt will end up in a prison ment loading lorries. sentence sooner or later, “But now, if I think I’m about a third and you can’t get nogoing to commit a crime, of criminals ticed in prison because I’ll ring Charlie and he’ll reoffend no one cares—the world come round and make me sit and think. I owe within three isn’t watching when him a lot.” years. Finding you’re behind bars.” And Charles’ passion work is very seems to be paying off. charles young grew difficult LACES was recently put up in south-east London at the top of a list of within a large and not particularly happy family, and spent “resources” for tackling criminal behaviour by the Youth Justice Board, time in care homes. “My parents never pushed me to and Charles is hoping he may once fulfill my potential and I had no one again be able to attract funding— to steer me,” explains the six-foot-tall LACES was awarded £20,000 from the 60-year-old. “I was a fast swimmer and Home Office a few years ago, the only I think, with the right encouragement, financial support it’s ever had. “It doesn’t seem right that what we I could have been Olympic standard. But that didn’t happen. Young people do works and is so much cheaper and need someone to channel their energy more effective than prison, but no one or it can turn into something else, most wants to support it financially,” Charles commonly aggression. Then they start points out. “It doesn’t make sense, and bunking off school, smoking weed, meanwhile the prison population just keeps on increasing.” thinking they’re cool.” Over the last 20 years, the UK prison By his teens, Charles was committing petty crime and taking drugs. Between population has almost doubled and the ages of 19 to 40, he served 15 years now stands at 85,000. Around a third 76

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YOUN G O F F E N D E RS

Reader’s Digest

Charles simulates the prison experience with one of the young people he’s helped

of criminals reoffend within three years, not least because finding work with a record is very difficult. charles takes his eye-catching presentation to schools, colleges,

youth clubs, excluded pupil projects and even the navy. He assembles an eight-foot-by-12-foot mock prison cell on stage, with a loo, table and bunk bed. At first he just sits there for ten minutes while the perplexed audience watches. Then suddenly Charles leaps up and screams and shouts, holding his head in frustration, as he conveys his overwhelming anger and boredom at being locked up for 23 hours every day. He has a cellmate, usually one of the young men he’s helped. Young’s

methods are unorthodox—he uses foul language and doesn’t apologise for it. “That’s what they’ll hear in prison— shouting, swearing, threats, screaming, with the backdrop always the same: locks being opened and closed, keys jangling, footfalls on the landings, men crying at night.” He invites the toughest-looking kid onto the stage to fight, then offers him an arm wrestle. He always wins. “You’ll be challenged to fight all the time, so you might as well get used to it.” He’s holding a hot plastic cup full of steaming coffee. “This is one of the most dangerous weapons in a prison,” he explains. “One second, and it’s in your face, scalding you. No one will care. Still fancy a criminal career?” 12•2014

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YOUN G O F F E N D E RS

Some of the young men who walked in sniggering are ashen-faced when they leave, their bravado all gone. “At first, they think I’m some kind of hero,” says Charles. “By the end, they can see that criminals are idiots and prison is a kind of hell.” But does it have any lasting effect? Analysis by Mango Communications in 2010 showed that between 1995 and 2005 Charles made 2,000 presentations, reaching 15,000 young people. The analysis also showed that LACES deterred over 1,290 young ex-offenders from reoffending during the ten-year period, saving the taxpayer around £6.3m in criminal damages and the criminal justice system another £1.2m. Of a large group of young robbers in Newham, London, just two reoffended

after seeing Young’s presentation. He also mentors individuals as he did with Jason Hill, for which he isn’t paid. Captionxxxxxxx Kirsten Gibbs is a south-London xxxxxxxxxxxxx businesswomanxxxxxxxxxxxx who’s working with Charles to help make his project more commercially viable in the absence of funding. He now has a website and is marketing himself more efficiently, with plans to target 800 London schools with his presentation. “I’ve never seen anyone control a room like Charles does,” she claims. “Stand-up comics could learn an awful lot from him.” tyrone bailey, 27, was sent to

Feltham Young Offender Institution for 18 months for robbery when he was 17. He came out an angry young man and Charles giving his presentation. “By the end, they can see that prison is a kind of hell”

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Reader’s Digest

was frequently in fights. A resident of an acceptance of the idea that all Greenwich, Tyrone has known Charles young people have value. “As a schoolboy, I saw a young kid Young for many years, and was helped by him throughout his twenties when get whipped after resisting the cane,” the older man intervened and regularly he recalls. “The modern equivalent is spoke for him in court. Tyrone, who’s a teacher jabbing a finger angrily into now in a committed relationship and a child’s face. All that does is make them feel more hopeless a stepfather to one child, and useless.” went to college to study construction skills last year and has been em- Charles badly aside from charles’ wants to see ployed since then. ambitions for LACES, “Charlie has helped an acceptance he has one other. me so much,” he says. “I should have swum of the idea “I listen to him because competitively as a young that all what he says comes from young people man,” he explains. “So, experience. He underas an older man, I’d now have value stands where people like like to get an expert to me are coming from. I calculate my swimming had an altercation with a neighbour speed, making allowances for my age, recently, and Charlie talked me round and to tell me whether I would have to seeing sense. He made me think made it to Olympic standard. It would about how far I’d come from my old be bittersweet if it came out as a yes, life, so I went round and apologised. It as it’s all too late now, but at least I’d felt good to emerge from the situation know that I had the ability. as the bigger person.” “It’s so important for young people Charles believes that young people to recognise their potential and to use can’t learn respect unless it’s shown it. It’s such a waste otherwise.” to them. He doesn’t want mentors to be soft—he’s in favour of sensible To see a video of Charles in action, go to discipline—but he badly wants to see readersdigest.co.uk/inspire

a helping hand Yahoo! Answers invites users to ask the questions that are really bothering them—sometimes with more useful results than others. Q: What is a person from London called? A: My neighbour is from London and he’s called Bob. 12•2014

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INSPIRE

Comedy icon John Cleese is best known for his work on Monty Python and Fawlty Towers, as well as his many and varied film and voice roles

If I Ruled the World John Cleese

I’d hire dolphins to teach us how to breathe and swim underwater. Wouldn’t that be fabulous? I’d get rid of all our technology. It’s impossible to find true peace and quiet because the moment you sit down something buzzes or rings at you. There’s a phrase by Henry David Thoreau: “Technology is merely an improved means to an unimproved end.” We think it’s making our lives easier, but in fact it ends up making us anxious. If you ever go on a retreat and don’t talk for a day or so, you feel absolutely marvellous. 80

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illustrated by sa m falconer

People would sit quietly twice a day. Stressful things happen to us all the time; someone cuts us up in their car, someone throws a lemon at us—whatever it might be, we need time to allow things to settle, to stop being cross and process our emotions. Before the British had heard of meditation or yoga, we used to do things like go for a walk or sit on a bench and stare into the distance. Personally I like to do a jigsaw. If we paused a little more, the world might be a saner place.

I’d tell people, “Life’s a madhouse, nobody knows what’s going to happen so stop worrying.” Have you ever met a Buddhist? They know this truism, so they laugh at life instead—they’re always giggling. If the guys who spend their lives analysing the stock markets couldn’t predict the Wall Street crash, then who can say what’s going to happen? We’d be better off trying to improve the lives of a few people in some simple ways than fretting about things we’re powerless to control. When I was writing my book and thought of the time I’d spent worrying about my romantic relationships, I could see that none of it really mattered in the grand scheme of my life.

Everyone would have three cats. My wife Jenny and I have three, and when we get home in the evening we spend our time talking to them and laughing. If we go into another room they come in to join us within 30 seconds. They make us very happy.

I’d make everyone wear his or her underwear on the outside. Like the dictator stipulates in Woody Allen’s film Bananas. I can’t think of anything funnier. Plus we’d all wear more colourful ties and definitely lots of silly hats. No one could dress in black and men would have to shave properly—none of that Jack the Lad stubble that’s supposed to make blokes look tough.

I’d encourage people to be open-minded about the afterlife. Human experience is far more complicated than science suggests. The book Irreducible Mind by Edward F Kelly is a brilliant look at phenomena that’s almost impossible to account for in physical terms. If we’re open to the idea of an afterlife, maybe we’d start behaving a little better in this life.

Newspapers that make people despair would be banned. There are some papers that aim to scare us with their disapproving tone and their dishonest articles. They cause misery to both the object of their attention and their readers.

Older people would stop pretending they know what they’re talking about. Then the young might listen to us more. As told to Caroline Hutton

I’d change the divorce laws. When a couple split up, the breadwinner shouldn’t be penalised for bringing in the money. There should be some acknowledgement of their hard work. If you want to get rich in California you marry someone wealthy, give up work, get divorced and you’re set up for life. It’s completely mad. I’d ban celery. It tastes horrible.

John’s memoir So, Anyway… is out now 12•2014

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travel & adventure

Once the “shame of Italy,” the ancient caves in Matera may be Europe’s most dramatic story of rebirth

Back to the Sassi Once a national disgrace, the ancient caves of Matera, Italy, may be Europe’s most dramatic story ofPrebirth By Tony e r r otte t

F rom Sm ith so n ia n M ag az i ne Photographs by tktktkkt tktktkktk

From Shame to Fame By Tony P e r r otte t

Photographs by Francesco Lastrucci

Photo/I llustration credit

Numerous cave dwellings lie concealed behind and beneath building facades in the Sassi; (opposite) breakfast room at the Corte San Pietro Hotel

f r om s h a me t o f a me

n the southern Italian town of It’s difficult to imagine that Matera, I followed a laneway Matera’s ancient warren was known down into a haunting district not too long ago as “the shame of Italy” known as the Sassi (Italian for for its dismal poverty. In the 1950s, the the “stones”), where some 1,500 entire population of roughly 16,000 cave dwellings honeycomb the flanks people were relocated from the Sassi, of a steep ravine. Near a summit of leaving it an empty shell. stone crowned by an iron crucifix is the Ponte, who grew up in the modern cave hotel Corte San Pietro, where part of Matera above the ravine, was the owner Fernando Ponte greeted me one of the first to take advantage of in a fine silk suit and cravat. this ready-made real estate. He moved Ponte opened the smoked-glass nearby with his wife around 1990, door to one of five guest and has been renovating rooms dug into the soft Corte San Pietro since. limestone. Elegant “Back then, the Sassi The Sassi are had been abandoned, lighting suffused the like a Swiss stone walls, which were virtually given over to cheese, adorned with contemwolves,” he said. riddled with porary artworks and a Working on the caves, flat-screen TV. A sleek tunnels and the Pontes discovered bath was embedded eight interconnected caverns in the farthest corner. cisterns below the floor, Whenever I brushed part of a network develagainst the golden walls, a gentle oped to catch rain water for drinking. shower of sand fell to the polished “We had no idea these were here,” he stone floor. said, as we walked inside the nowEstimates of the earliest occupation immaculate cone-shaped spaces. of the Sassi vary, but archaeologists “They’d been filled with debris.” The have found artifacts dating from the cisterns are now being turned into a Paleolithic and the Neolithic periods. meditation spa. The natural caves were gradually “You don’t think of a cave being burrowed deeper and expanded into complex architecturally,” says archiliving spaces by peasants and artisans tect Anne Toxey, author of Materan throughout the classical and medieval Contradictions, who’s been studying eras. Today, these underground resi- the Sassi for over 20 years. “But I was dences are being reinhabited, and blown away by their intricate strucstaying in one of the Sassi’s cave hotels tures.” The most elaborate stonework has become one of Europe’s most ex- dates from the Renaissance, when otic new experiences. many caves were adorned with new 84

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Following the Gravina Canyon outside the Sassi and in the countryside, you can see many carved caves

facades, or had their ceilings extended to make vaulted rooms. Today, carved stone stairways still connect arches, attics, belfries and balconies, each grafted onto the other like a dynamic Cubist sculpture. It’s easy to see why Matera has been chosen to double for ancient Jerusalem in films, including Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ. “Matera is one of the oldest living cities in the world in terms of continuity,” Antonio Nicoletti, an urban planner from Matera, told me. “Where else can you now sleep in a room that was first occupied 9,000 years ago?” At the same time, the modern repurposing of the Sassi’s historic interiors has been endlessly inventive. Along with cave hotels, there are now

cave restaurants and cafes, galleries, clubs, an underground swimming pool and a contemporary art museum. One complex is occupied by a computer software company with nearly 50 employees. Visitors to Matera can follow metal walkways through an enormous 16thcentury cistern complex under the main plaza, with chambers some 50 feet deep and 790 feet long, which were discovered in 1991. “The Sassi are like a Swiss cheese, riddled with tunnels and caverns,” remarks Peppino Mitarotonda, an artist who works on renovations with a local cultural group, the Zétema Foundation. “What you see on the surface is only 30 per cent. The other 70 per cent is hidden.” 12•2014

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First Communion day in Matera, in front of the Saint Agostino Convent

ocated in the instep of the Italian boot, Matera has always been an isolated, forgotten part of the Basilicata region. The town’s obscurity ended in 1945, when the Italian artist and author Carlo Levi published his memoir Christ Stopped at Eboli, about his year of political exile in Basilicata under the fascists. Levi singled out the Sassi for their “tragic beauty”. The cave dwellings had by then become “dark holes” riddled with filth and disease, where farmyard animals were kept in dank corners and infant mortality rates were horrendous, thanks to rampant malaria, trachoma and dysentery. Levi’s book caused an uproar, and the Sassi became notorious as la vergogna nazionale, the disgrace of the nation. After a visit in 1950, Italian Prime Minister Alcide De Gasperi was

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so appalled by what he saw that he set in motion a draconian plan to relocate the Sassi’s entire population to new housing developments. “It became a city of ghosts,” says Nicoletti. The ancient laneways became overgrown, and the Sassi soon gained a reputation for crime, attracting drug dealers, thieves and smugglers. Many relocated families, who had difficulty adjusting to their new lodgings, pretended they came from other parts of southern Italy. Nicoletti was puzzled that his own father Domenico had never visited the Sassi since his family was moved in 1956, when Domenico was 20—even though his new home was less than half a mile away. I asked if his father might now consider revisiting his ancestral residence. A couple of days later, I got my answer.

Signor Nicoletti would try to find his old home, accompanied by both his sons and two of his grandchildren. We gathered in a cafe at the top of the Sassi. As the extended family, fresh from Sunday church service, chatted over potent espressos, they deferred politely to Domenico, now 78, a tiny, subdued man in an immaculate threepiece grey suit and with silver hair. As we descended the slippery steps in a fine drizzle, Signor Nicoletti gazed around the Sassi with increasing agitation. Then he pointed down to what looked like a hobbit’s house, built below ground level and opening onto a small courtyard beneath the stairs. “That was our home.” He pretended to clean his glasses as tears welled up in his eyes. “Of course, without running water or electricity, life was very tough here,” Signor Nicoletti said. “The women did all the hard work, con coraggio, with courage. But the beauty of it was the community. We knew every family.” Antonio added, “People lived outside in their vicinato, or courtyard, which was like a tiny piazza. There would be children playing, men gossiping, women shelling peas with their neighbours. They helped each other in every difficulty.” This traditional life drew photographers such as Henri Cartier-Bresson in the 1950s, who captured images of a mythic Italy—of priests with black caps riding donkeys through stone alleyways, archways festooned with laundry

Reader’s Digest

on lines, women in embroidered dresses lined up with leather buckets at the communal wells. As we talked, a young woman peered through the small window of the cave house and offered to let us visit. The rough walls were now whitewashed, but the layout was unchanged. Signor Nicoletti showed us where he and his three sisters once slept on straw mattresses separated by curtains, and he found the spot in the kitchen where his mother had built a false wall to hide valuables from the Nazis. Later, as we dried out in a warm cafe, Signor Nicoletti said that he’d been glad to see his old home again, but was in no hurry to go back. “I had three brothers who all died there as infants. When there was a chance to escape, I took it.” In the late 1950s, as the Sassi’s last inhabitants were being evacuated, about two dozen Materan students decided to rebel against their city’s notoriety. “We asked ourselves a simple question: ‘Who are we?’ ” recalls one of the leaders, Raffaello De Ruggieri. “Are we the children of misery and poverty, as the government was telling us, or are we the descendants of a long, proud history?” In 1959, at the age of 23, De Ruggieri and his older brother founded a cultural club to salvage Matera’s past, called the Circolo la Scaletta, the Circle of Stairs. “We were a tight group of friends, men and women, medical 12•2014

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The view over the city topped by the Roman Catholic cathedral. On the left, the Gravina Canyon

students, law students, housewives— and not a single trained archaeologist among us,” De Ruggieri, now a retired lawyer, said as he relaxed with his wife on the garden terrace of their renovated mansion in the Sassi. The members began exploring the desolate Sassi. Much of the unique architecture, they discovered, could easily be saved. “Only 35 per cent of the cave residences had been declared dangerous,” De Ruggieri says, “but 100 per cent of them were evacuated.” The abandoned architectural treasures included over 150 rupestrian, or rockhewn, churches, covered with priceless Byzantine frescoes. One majestic cavern, now known as the Crypt of Original Sin, has been dubbed the Sistine Chapel of rupestrian art. La Scaletta published a book on

the cave churches in 1966 and began lobbying for conservation funds, supported by Carlo Levi, now a senator. In the late 1970s, De Ruggieri began restoring a mansion on the fringe of the Sassi, and local artists started to drift into abandoned buildings. Donato Rizzi, a painter, recalls discovering the Sassi as a teenager. “I just wanted a place to sneak off for a cigarette with my friends,” he said. “But I was overwhelmed by what I found!” He and his friends first moved in as squatters in the 1970s, and today the complex, abstract shapes of the Sassi are echoed in his paintings. The club organised volunteers to shovel out cisterns filled with debris and churches scattered with hypodermic needles. The first government archaeologists arrived in the early 12•2014

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Reader’s Digest

1980s. A few years later, a new Italian law provided protection and funding. In 1993, Unesco listed the Sassi as a World Heritage site, calling it “the most outstanding, intact example of a troglodyte settlement in the Mediterranean region, perfectly adapted to its terrain and ecosystem”. City authorities began offering 30-year leases at nominal cost to tenants who agreed to renovate the caves, under the supervision of conservation experts. Today, around 3,000 people live in the Sassi and about half of the dwellings are occupied, with Matera firmly on southern Italy’s tourist circuit. Despite Matera’s sudden upscale swing, a homespun eccentricity has persisted. The caves do not attract big hotel chains but enterprising individuals like the Pontes, who like to chat with their guests over an aperitif. Visits to many rock-hewn churches are

arranged through friends of friends, depending on who has the key. And the ancient rural culture is surprisingly resilient. The new cave restaurants offer modern takes on Matera’s peasant cuisine: plump orecchiette, a rich bean soup called crapiata; and maiale nero, salami made from “dark pig” and fennel. ON MY LAST DAY, I was strolling with Antonio Nicoletti when we met a group of old men in workers’ caps taking the air in the plaza. They took turns regaling us with their childhood memories of “troglodyte life” in the Sassi, including how to wash laundry using ash and how many goats they could squeeze into their homes. “Before the revival, people who grew up in the Sassi would pretend they came from somewhere else,” Nicoletti mused, as we strolled away. “Now they’re celebrities.”

dinner and a movie Do you have an appetite for puns? This little collection, seen at Twitter feed #foodfilms, should satisfy your craving. Paranormal Activia The King’s Peach Lord of the Onion Rings Slumdog Millionaire Shortbread Black Forest Gump One Flew Over the Couscous Nest The Unbearable Lightness of Beans Butch Casserole and the Sundried Squid 12•2014

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Travel & aDvenTUre Salamanca 's cathedra l; (below) J C armen Smit h and her hu sband BY C aT h e r I n e Co l e

My Great Escape: A Road Trip en España reader J Carmen Smith from wigan fell in love with spain's beautiful old cities

Catherine has danced in Rio, been microlighting in South Africa and hiked the mountains of Oman Tell us about your favourite holiday (send a photo too) and if we include it on this page we’ll pay you £50. Go to readersdigest. co.uk/contact-us 92

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p hotos courtesY oF J ca rMen sM i th

SPaIn haS SEvEraL WOrLD-hErItagE CItIES,

and last summer my husband and I visited three of them— Santiago de Compostela, Salamanca and Cáceres. I already have a great love for Santiago de Compostela, having visited many times over the past 14 years, but this was our first trip to Salamanca and Cáceres. After three days in Santiago, we took the A66—the Autovia Ruta de la Plata—to Salamanca in the region of Castilla y León. This motorway is a pleasure to drive along, with very little traffic and edged with bushes of golden broom. It’s a fitting route to the golden city. Our hotel was just a couple of minutes’ walk from the magnificent Plaza Mayor in Salamanca, and we found the old city easy to explore on foot. The weather was perfect and we never tired of watching the intensity of the light change on the yellow stonework of the buildings at different times of the day. Among the many must-see sights is the Romanesque cathedral, situated in the beautiful open square of the Plaza de Anaya and joined to the “new” gothic cathedral; the

façade of the 16th-century Convento de San Esteban; and the Casa de las Conchas, its exterior covered with over 300 carved stone shells. We explored Salamanca’s museums and university, and relaxed and enjoyed the shade in the small, tranquil Huerto de Calixto y Melibea gardens, before crossing the Roman bridge for a stunning view of the city from the other side of the river. A comfortable pair of shoes is a must as you explore the city’s Roman, Visigoth and Moorish origins—then take time to sit, enjoy tapas and people-watch with a cold drink. It was impossible not to fall in love with Salamanca, but all too soon it was time to take our leave—Cáceres, and its colony of storks, beckoned! ■ Sample The DelIGhTS of norThern SpaIn

Flights to Santiago de Compostela via easyJet start from £26.99 one way (0330 365 5000; easyjet.com).

postCard From… southEast asia

resh from the monsoon season, Southeast Asia emerges into its dry season between December and May, and life returns to the bustling Mekong River in the heart of the region. The river, which flows through six countries including Vietnam, Cambodia and Laos, is fringed by lush landscapes and historic temples—as well as providing an important artery for the communities that live along its banks. New for this year, Travel Indochina has launched the Aqua Mekong, the only small luxury cruise ship to sail the Mekong between Vietnam and Cambodia. How better to explore this magnificent river than by floating down it? ■ CrUISe The meKonG rIver The five-day Aqua Mekong starts from £2,405pp, including four nights’ cruise, meals, transport, guides, return transfers and port fees (01865 268 941; travelindochina.co.uk). 12•2014

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t r av e l & a d v e n t u r e

Things to Do This Month Short vs long haul trips

Short: Fuerteventura Discover the West African island’s unique mix of wildlife while soaking up the gorgeous weather. Inntravel offers a sevennight trip from £660pp, including accommodation, some meals and car hire (01653 617 000; inntravel.co.uk).

■ Do: Hogmanay is the world’s largest New Year’s party, and the Scottish capital has plenty going on in the run-up to the big night. As part of this year’s event, there’s a candlelit concert, a traditional “ceilidh” dance and the famous street party to see in 2015 (visitscotland.com). ■ Stay: The Glasshouse Hotel, part of Marriott’s Autograph Collection, boasts jaw-dropping views of Calton Hill and Edinburgh’s new town. Doubles from £119 (0131 525 8200; marriott.co.uk). ■ SEE: Edinburgh Castle remains one the best-known tourist attractions in the city. There are exceptional views, and complimentary guided tours each day to help you see the best of it, but buy your tickets in advance to avoid queues (0131 225 9846; edinburghcastle.gov.uk). 94

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Long: Sri Lanka Enjoy some winter sun with Ampersand Travel’s Sri Lanka tour, which includes seven nights’ accommodation, beach and temple trips, flights, transfers and spa treatments from £2,930pp (020 7819 9770; ampersandtravel.com).

Travel app of the month Seasonal Cities (free, IOS) This app offers city guides and activity ideas based on the weather forecast in 11 destinations across Europe, the US and Asia (seasonalcities.com).

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/TRAVEL-ADVENTURE

Edinburgh in two minutes

Mayfield

Graham Sutherland

Available from:

When John Mayfield came to Warwick in 1840, to take command of the new police force, he expected to encounter problems, but not from some of his own men; the influential James Cooper and the mysterious Major Charles Pearson. Then a body is found closely followed by another, both meant to look like suicide. Are they connected with the counterfeit coins which have appeared in the area? As the enmity toward him grows, John is soon fighting to save his career. Who can he trust? And his personal life becomes complicated when he must choose between Harriet, a wealthy widow, and Kate, whose husband is awaiting trial at the Assizes.

Available in paperback To order, call 0800 1974150 or visit www.authorhouse.co.uk

travel & adventure

On a sunny morning, a young boy follows his father across a river. Then a huge scaly shape rises between them

Saved! T e x t a n d p h oto grap h s by Glynis Ho rn i n g

days of heavy rain the blazing African sun has burst out above Katiyo village in north-eastern Zimbabwe. Trotting behind the long strides of his father, 11-yearold Tapiwa Kachere hums with happiness. The school holidays stretch ahead and at Christmas he could get the football he longs for. Meanwhile, he’s been proudly helping 33-year-old Tafadzwa Kachere water the family’s vegetable plot across the river. 96

illustration: shutterstock

Photo/Illustrati on credit

It’s a week before Christmas last year, and after

Photo/Illustrati on credit

Tapiwa with his father, his hero, at the river where the attack took place

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the nyaitenga is flowing fast and full, and as they near it on their way home, Tapiwa has a sudden moment of unease. This morning, his grandmother begged them not to go. For the past 18 months she’s dreamed of her son and grandson walking along a riverbank—with two crocodiles walking beside them. Tafadza gently reminded her, as he always does, that the water where they cross is too shallow for crocs. To his relief, even after the rain, the water today is below Tapiwa’s knees. Reassured, he wades in a few paces behind his father, relishing the coolness on his feet before the hot ten-minute hike up the steep path home. Hungry from his morning’s labours, Tapiwa is picturing his mother’s lunch of porridge and a mug of well water when a shower of icy drops breaks his reverie. He stops to rub them from his eyes. Then he sees it. From the muddy shallows barely six feet ahead, a long, scaly grey shape has silently emerged between him and his father, blocking his path. As his father wades on oblivious, it lunges at the boy, fearsome tooth-studded jaws agape, massive yellow-pink throat open for him. Crocodile! Terror grips Tapiwa’s heart and instincts kick in. There’s no time to scream. The boy dives into the six-feet-deep water beside the crossing and swims frantically for the bank he just left. He can’t hear the predator behind him, but every fibre of his being senses it. In a few desperate strokes, Tapiwa reaches the reeds. Heart hammering, he hauls himself onto the 98

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bank, sun-hot rocks in his grasp. Then his left foot slips...he can’t bring himself to turn around and look. It’s his father, alerted by the boy’s splashing, who sees the jaws of the 13-feet-long crocodile clamp down on the boy’s heel. For a second it holds Tapiwa motionless. Then it starts pulling him back into the river. “Hold on to the reeds, Tapiwa!” shouts Tafadzwa, swimming furiously to his son. The boy needs no prompting —he clasps the smooth green stems like lifelines. For an instant the crocodile lets him go, but only to better its grip. When Tafadzwa surfaces beside his son, the boy’s entire lower left leg is in the crocodile’s mouth. Rocked by horror, Tafadzwa struggles for a foothold in the shoulderdeep water. He clutches the crocodile’s hard, cold jaws and tries to pry them apart. Nothing. Mad with frustration, he rises on his toes and bites the crocodile. It’s like biting a stone. Tafadzwa tastes only his own blood as scales cut his lip. Tapiwa is praying. What wrong have I done, God, to deserve this? he asks fervently. What have I done?

Reader’s Digest

Tafadzwa hurls himself at the crocodile, hauls himself onto its knobbly back and crosses his feet under its soft yellow belly. Sitting astride it, he uses his right hand to grab a bunch of reeds and pull the beast nearer the bank. With the left, he snaps off a stout single reed. Reaching past his son’s leg into the creature’s mouth, he thrusts it with all his might into the back of the pale throat. Quickly he plucks another, then another, plunging each in as deep as he can, while at the same time propelling the creature towards land. As the

Buoyed by his son’s cries, Tafadzwa lies forward along the creature, scales pressing into his chest. He grasps the reeds to either side and yanks with all his might looking all the while for anything he could use as a weapon to fight the crocodile. Slowly, inch by inch, he drags himself and the wounded creature out of its element and into his own—land. But as man and beast leave the water there’s a sickening crack. Searing pain shoots down Tafadzwa’s right arm—the last pull has dislocated his shoulder. Swifter than lightning the animal twists

Heart hammering, he hauls himself onto the bank, sun-hot rocks in his grasp. Then his left foot slips... fourth is embedded deep in the croc’s throat, Tafadzwa senses the great body twitch beneath him, and the crocodile lets his son go. In shock and too numb to feel any real pain, Tapiwa manages to stumble up the bank. “Are you all right, Dad?” he shouts, collapsing on a rock. “Are you beating the monster?” Tafadzwa has won one battle only to face another. The croc’s determined to retreat to deeper water to unseat the father. Tafadzwa fears the infamous crocodile death roll—when it dives with its victims to drown them and tear them apart. He knows that if he just gets off the croc and tries to make it to shore, it will get him before he’s safe.

back its head and clamps onto Tafadzwa’s left hand. Then it starts to drag him back towards the water. Despair wells darkly inside him, but determination rises higher as his son’s cries ring in his ears. “You can beat the monster, Dad, you can!” Pushing through the pain, he snaps off a thin reed with his right hand and pokes one yellow eye. Leathery lids blink. As they open he pokes the other. Then again. And again. The fight has raged for 15 minutes and both man and crocodile are exhausted. Tafadzwa feels the beast grow slack beneath him. At last it lets go of his left hand. In return, he warily opens his legs. The croc backs slowly through 12•2014

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Tapiwa looks forward to getting an artificial leg and playing football again

he says, sobs rising suddenly in his throat. Tapiwa wraps his arms around his father’s neck and grips him with his one good leg. The other hangs loose as he rides his father across the river to the steep path home, and he floats half fainting above the pain. back at the Kacheres’

them, into the water and as silently as it appeared, the great creature disappears beneath the gleaming copper surface of the river. Left hand lacerated by teeth, right hanging limp, Tafadzwa staggers up the bank to his son. Relief at their escape gives way to anguish as he inspects Tapiwa’s leg. It has been crushed by one of the most powerful bites in the animal kingdom. Torn flesh reveals crushed bones, and blood oozes from ragged punctures, but the boy sits still and silent on his rock, eyes only on his father. “You beat it, Dad,” he breathes in awe. “You rode the monster!” Tafadzwa wants desperately to take his son in his arms but can’t. He bows and offers him his back. “Ride me,” 100 |

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isolated homestead, Tapiwa’s grandmother Neriah Katonha has been worrying all morning. The 50-year-old repeatedly asks Tapiwa’s younger brother and sister, “Why is your father still at the garden?” Each time they’ve shrugged and hugged her. Then they hear Tafadzwa’s sobbing. So does Tapiwa’s mother, 28-year-old Patience Chimetza. They are all at the gate when Tafadzwa staggers in with his son. The nearest help is at Nyadire Hospital 2.5 miles away. The Kacheres have no mobile phone, but even if they did no ambulance would negotiate this deeply rutted roadway. Tapiwa’s grandmother hoists him wordlessly onto her strong, straight back and starts walking. Tafadzwa follows quietly, his wife and their little ones at his side.

Reader’s Digest

At Nyadire, shocked doctors

put Tapiwa on a drip and bandage his leg and Tafadzwa’s hand. Beyond sedating Tafadzwa to relocate his shoulder they can do no more. Father and son are put in an ambulance together and transferred to Chitungwiza Central Hospital outside Harare, a rough two-hour ride away. There doctors inform Tafadzwa he will be released in a matter of days. He was fortunate—his fingers mostly fitted in the gaps between the crocodile’s ragged teeth, but he has numerous cuts and one tooth drove clean through his palm. His son is less fortunate. His leg must come off. When Tapiwa awakes to find the limb gone, he cries for the first time. How will he ever play football? His grandmother, who’s made the journey with them, fears her heart will break. “Don’t worry,” she tells him, taking his hand, “they’ve just taken your leg to repair it.” After seven weeks in hospital Tapiwa accepts that his leg will not come back.

He weeps as his grandmother holds him, but he’s grateful to be alive— doctors explain that if the crocodile had severed a major blood vessel, he would have bled to death. He’s also relieved that counselling has curbed recurrent crocodile nightmares. He draws his father riding triumphantly on the crocodile’s back. “His father is the hero of this saga,” says Dr Obadiah Moyo. “He fought the crocodile for it to let go of his son.” Today Tapiw has new heroes too.

A moved Dr Moyo arranged for the hospital to waive its fees, and the boy has been given a boarding place at Nyadire Primary School to save walking from home each day. Best of all, Zimbabwe international football striker Edward Sadomba and minister of state Simbaneuta Mudarikwa have made donations towards an artificial limb for when the stump finally heals. Tapiwa can’t wait. “It’ll be better than a repaired leg,” he grins, eyes shining. “If I can’t kick a ball, perhaps I can play goalie!

the end of an era It looks like Conwy Council have grown bored of our somewhat juvenile fascination with funny sounding place names—and that sniggering at signs to Backside Wood or Piddle Lane could soon be a thing of the past. The council has plans to rename Hoare Road and says that others places could follow, claiming them to be “aesthetically unsuitable”. Could this spell the end for Crotch Crescent? source: walesonline.co.uk

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MONEY

How To Be An ISA Millionaire Could applying a bit of risk to your saving strategy make you a mint within a few decades? By jas m i ne b i r t l e s

Did you know that just by investing in ISAs you could become a millionaire in less than 30 years? That’s what the asset managers Brewin Dolphin have worked out. They say that investing your ISA in stocks and shares rather than in savings accounts could be the golden ticket and that they already have 15 “ISA millionaire” clients, and a further 40 have assets in ISAs

cartoon by steve way

Jasmine is a personal finance writer and the founder of moneymagpie. com

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of well over £750,000. There’s a limited amount you can put into ISAs each year, so it’s not that these people put loads of money in to build up those pots. They were just clever enough to put it into high-performing stocks and shares rather than into flat cash ISAs. Now the government has increased the amount you can put into ISAs to £15,000 per tax year (April 6 to April 5) you can get even more tax-free returns on your investments.

Men have more money in equities ISAs than women

How do you do it?

The easy and cheap way to invest in equities ISAs is to do it by putting your money into index-tracking funds. These are run by computers and charge very little in management fees. Companies such as Legal & General, Virgin Money and M&G offer index trackers that track various indices like the FTSE 100 or the FTSE All Share. They’re easy to invest in. You can even do it over the phone—just make sure you ask them to wrap it in an ISA and to reinvest any gains you make on the fund. You could get a company such as nutmeg.com to spread your money for you across a few different investments, within the ISA wrapper. Or, you could invest directly into shares and stockmarket funds yourself, but you really need to know what you’re doing as it can be very risky. There are just four months to go before the end of this tax year, so get some money into an ISA product now so you can make the most of this fantastic tax saving as early as possible.

Essentially, you need to be braver with your investments and put your money into stocks and shares ISAs rather than cash ISAs. You also need to be in it for the long haul—after five years or more, the volatility reduces and the overall movement tends to be up. Brewin Dolphin say the investors who have made lots of money so far invested directly in equities ISAs (shares) and took some risks. But even people who invest conservatively in stocks and shares ISAs—if they put the full allowed amount in each year—could reach the million-pound mark in less than 30 years. It’s also important to tick the box that says you want to reinvest any dividends you get on your shares. Dividends are a payout that companies make each year to shareholders if the business has done well. You could just take the money when they pay it out, but if you reinvest it (i.e. buy more shares with it) your pot of money will grow a lot bigger a lot faster.

Research company CoreData has found that men are almost twice as likely to hold an equities ISA than women (41% versus 21.6%). According to their research, women have average savings of £2,500 a year, which could turn into £3,400 if they put that money into equities rather than savings accounts. Which equities ISAs should you go for?

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money

Making Money From The Movies Every seven to ten years, Disney release their classic films on some sort of format (currently DVD and Blu-ray) before putting them back into the “Disney vault”. This is a controversial marketing system that results in high demand for the Disney classics and artificially inflates the price of previously released editions for a few years. It means, though, that if you buy the right products when they come out you could resell them after a few years for considerably more than you paid. The most obvious example at the moment is Beauty and the Beast Blu-ray 3D Diamond Edition, which Amazon is selling at £89.94. There are other such examples, and it’s expected that as copies get rarer and demand continues to grow, the value will continue to increase. Like all investing though, there’s some risk. VHS and DVD copies of Disney classics that were fetching upwards of £50 a few years ago were radically devalued when Disney rereleased them on DVD and Bluray, and are, for now at least, essentially worthless. Not every Disney film is part of 104 |

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the vault scheme—many later and modern releases aren’t. Classics such as The Lion King are also likely to be in higher demand than a moderate success such as Pocahontas. Platinum and Diamond Editions are the safest bet for good returns in the future. Frustratingly, Disney don’t do many combo packs for the UK, but that doesn’t rule out the possibility of buying one from the US. If it’s not region-free it may not work in the UK, but if you’re planning on reselling it new then that shouldn’t matter. And there you have it—an easy way to make a bit of money with something you and the family enjoy.

West-End Tickets On The Cheap West End theatre tickets aren’t always affordable, so here are five ways to see a show for less. Check the official websites of your favourite shows for advanced ticket information. Theatremonkey.com tells you which theatres hold back a few tickets for each show—which can bought at a reduced price on the day. From the middle of this month you can book cheap tickets to a load of top shows in the West End through getintolondontheatre. co.uk. The bookings can only be for the beginning of January to February 13, but the savings are amazingly good, with prices from £15 upwards. Visit the TKTS booth, located in London’s Leicester Square, to buy discounted tickets on the day of your show. They won’t always have what you want to see, but there’s a wide selection nonetheless. Visit one of the many theatre ticket comparison sites. Tixdaq. com is a useful one, while seatwave. com sells cheaper tickets and even sells on seats that other consumers can’t use any more.

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FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/MONEY

Re a de r ’ s D i g e s t

One thing you must do this month ...is apply now for a 0% on balance transfers credit card so you have it in time for January. That way you can transfer your current credit-card debt onto it when you get the nasty Christmas bill. Barclaycard offer nearly three years’ worth of zero interest if you transfer your debt to them, and a number of other providers such as Halifax and Tesco are also offering amazing deals.

This month’s bargain Get 15 per cent off SOAK Yourself’s amazing natural and organic bath products. Just visit soakyourself.co.uk and enter offer code RD1014 at checkout. The code is valid until December 31.

Fascinating fact According to confused.com, nearly a fifth of Brits admit to shopping online when tipsy, with their average spend reaching £142.

Jargonbuster The Consumer Prices Index (CPI). This is used by the government to measure inflation. It’s similar to the RPI (Retail Prices Index) but doesn’t include mortgage costs.

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THE HOMES THAT ARE OUT-EARNING THEIR OWNERS 32%

Sales of lifetime mortgages, a regulated form of equity release, are up 32%1 since last year as they become a very popular choice for homeowners.

When you release equity from your home, you are able to take advantage of the mind-boggling rising property prices. It used to be your property would be looked at as a home first and investment second. Today, people are looking to their home to provide a roof and an income. With property prices rising, some properties are outearning their owners. You may have heard equity release affects the level of inheritance you can pass on. By taking money out of your property now, there will be less to pass on later. However, there are ways to guarantee a percentage to leave on. Also, many people are choosing to use it to gift their loved ones an early inheritance. This way you get to see your gift enjoyed. With no loss of home ownership and no monthly repayments unless chosen, releasing equity in this way can provide the extra funds you need to support your loved ones and your own needs too.

UK property prices have risen 590% over the last 30 years and 11% since last year alone. 2

Average pension is £8,774 a year including state pension. 3

Average UK property price is £272,000.4 If the average UK property grew by 11% this would mean it’s value went up £29,920.

The average property out-earned the average pension by £21,146 last year.

1. Equity Release Council 2. Nationwide House Price Index, 2014, 3. LV=, 2014. 4. The Guardian, 2014,

Reader’s Digest have launched a new equity release service to help you use your property to achieve your ambitions. The Reader’s Digest Guide To Equity Release will explain how people are using their property to enjoy the valuable things in life, such as: Spending more time with and treating the family Crossing those must-see places off the list Finally getting those home improvement projects done Taking up hobbies with your extra free time Clearing off your mortgage and becoming debt free

To request your free copy call freephone on 0800 088 4370 or visit readersdigest.retiredom.com.

The service is provided by Retiredom, a trading style of Responsible Life Limited, which is authorised and regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority. A lifetime mortgage may reduce the value of your estate and affect your entitlement to state benefits. To understand the features and risks ask for a personalised illustration. Unless you decide to go ahead, this service from Retiredom is completely free of charge, as our typical advice fee of 1.6% of the amount released would only be payable on completion of a plan.

food & DRink

Easy recipes you can cook in 30 minutes

despite what people say,

chocolate soufflés are easy to make— and are a perfect Christmas treat. SERVES 4-6 • 15g unsalted butter, at room temperature • 6 tablespoons caster sugar • 225ml milk • 100g dark chocolate • 5 medium eggs • 3 tablespoons cornflour • 2 tablespoons double cream • 3 tablespoons rum • 1 tablespoon icing sugar, for sifting 1. Carefully butter the insides and rims of four 200ml or six 150ml soufflé dishes, then coat them with 2 tablespoons of the caster sugar. 2. Heat the milk in a small saucepan and stir in the chocolate. When the milk reaches scalding point, remove from the heat, cover and stand until the chocolate has melted. 3. Separate the eggs, putting the 108 |

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whites into a large bowl and 3 egg yolks into a small bowl. 4. Add 3 tablespoons of caster sugar to the flour in a pan, and over a low heat whisk in the chocolate milk. Increase the heat, beating until the sauce becomes stiff. 5. Remove from the heat and beat in the cream, rum and the egg yolks. Cover and set aside. 6. Before you begin your meal, preheat the oven to 230C. Put in a baking tray to heat. 7. After the main course, whisk the egg whites until they form soft peaks. Add the remaining sugar and whisk until the whites are stiff and shiny. 8. Fold a large spoonful of the egg white into the sauce, and gently fold in the remaining egg white. Spoon the mixture into the dishes and put them onto the baking tray in the oven. 9. Bake for 8–10 minutes, or until wellrisen and lightly set, with soft, gooey centres. Remove, sift icing sugar over them and serve immediately.

Turn the page for further tips and accompaniments

photographed by fabfoodp i x

Hot Chocolate Soufflés with Rum

Reader’s Digest

Lighten Up With Liqueur There's no avoiding the fact that meals around Christmas time become richer and more lavish than usual. And if you find yourself rounding off supper with a rum and hot chocolate soufflé, then you can pat yourself on the back that you’ve followed the brief to the letter. When it comes to recommending a drink to go with this boozy chocolate pudding, my first thought is to embrace the excess with Frangelico on the rocks. The liqueur is a such an elegant sipping drink and the rich hazelnut flavour is just right for a seasonal chocolate pudding. However, I can’t help but think that something to take the edge off might be more helpful. In times of trouble, I often turn to ginger (ginger biscuits for travel sickness, for example, or ginger beer for “the morning after the night before”).

By R achel wa lker

Rachel is a food writer and blogs at thefoodieat.org

not only is ginger a good digestive aid, it also pairs beautifully with both chocolate and rum. The King’s Ginger liqueur is an absolute favourite of mine. It was first made at legendary London spirits merchants Berry Bros & Rudd in 1903, after the royal physician commissioned something for King Edward VII that would “stimulate and revivify His Majesty whilst exposed to the elements

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Food and Drink

Of course, christmas shouldn’t be an endurance race. Pacing yourself is key—so don’t shy away from a

cleansing cup of tea at the end of the meal. Clipper does a delicious lemon and ginger infusion, and Pukka also does a great organic three-ginger tea. Far from looking frugal, guests often appreciate the offer of restraint in December, when all of a sudden family visits and work Christmas parties are fuelled by excess!

Prices & Retailers

■■ Frangelico, Ocado, £17 ■■ Domaine de Canton, The Whisky Exchange, £31.75 ■■ The King’s Ginger, Waitrose, £22 ■■ Ginger and lemon tea, Clipper online shop, £1.79/20 bags ■■ Organic three-ginger tea, Holland & Barrett £2.30/20 bags

a right royale knees-up Kir Royale is a popular seasonal cocktail: a shot of crème de cassis in the base of a flute glass, topped up with champagne. But when December dawns, I find myself “Royale-ing” all sorts. It turns out I’m not the only one. My research led me to a recipe for a Canton Royale (one part Domaine de Canton: three parts champagne) and The Ginger Royale (one part The King’s Ginger: four parts champagne). Aside from the satisfying creation of a verb, it’s also an excellent way of using up dregs at the bottom of the spirit bottle.

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FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/FOOD-DRINK

on morning rides in his new horseless carriage” (his Daimler). It’s an earthy, fiery tipple, which—simply served on the rocks—is a brilliant way to revive you from the post-dinner slump. Another great option is Domaine de Canton, also served on the rocks with a lime wedge. The premium French ginger liqueur is lighter and cleaner than other liqueurs associated with Christmas time. Domaine de Canton isn’t often found in home drinks cabinets—mainly because it's not yet widely available on the high street. Online drinks specialist The Whisky Exchange stock it though, so if you’re a fan of ginger, it’s worth treating yourself to a bottle for the festive season.

Thank you for being a loyal subscriber From Meerkat Encounters in Knowsley Safari Park to Essential Wine Tasting at Vinopolis or perhaps you prefer a Country Hotel escape with Dinner for Two? We’ve carefully selected exclusive competitions, oﬀers and designed content just for you. To take advantage of this, visit our exclusive subscriber area where you can: • Sign up to receive emails from your favourite sections of the Reader’s Digest website • Read exclusive articles chosen by the Reader’s Digest editorial team • Find unique promotional oﬀers • Enter exclusive competitions

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30/10/2014 17:58

hOme & GARdeN Encourage healthy growth when patching up hedges

Bridging The Gap

My neighbour has commented on the gaps appearing in my hedge. How can I patch these up? Bare or damaged hedges are often more noticeable when the hedge is dormant during the winter, which is the best time to assess hedges for repair. You can “patch” smaller holes in a healthy hedge by training neighbouring branches across the gap. To do this, cut out all the dead or damaged growth using sharp secateurs, then tie healthy shoots together across the gap with soft string. Finally, snip off their tips to encourage bushy side growth. Alternatively, insert a cane vertically in the middle of the gap and tie branches from each side to this.

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Q A

I love the look of lobelia flowers. Can you tell me how to raise my own? These plants are stunning and add colour to any garden. To raise from seed, fill a seed tray with moist seed compost and lightly firm and level. Use a pencil or thin cane to

Q A

We’ve moved to a house with a pond and I don’t know what to do with the pump over winter. Remove submersible pumps from the water in early winter if you can. Clean them thoroughly in fresh water, drain and allow to

dry before storing over winter. Any pumps that remain in water over winter should be at least 18 inches deep to prevent them from freezing. Run the pump for a short time once a fortnight to prevent the build-up of scale or silt. Drain external pumps and insulate them with bubble wrap.

press parallel grooves about half an inch deep in the compost. Sow seeds sparingly along these channels, but don’t cover with compost. Cover the tray with polythene or a clear lid and stand in a warm place. When the seedlings are about half an inch high, fill another tray with moist potting compost and make holes about two inches apart. Lift small clumps of seedlings with a dibber and transfer to holes in the new tray. Lightly firm with your fingers, water through a fine rose, then put the tray in a propagator or cover with a clear lid.

Q A

I’d like to take root cuttings of my acanthus, but I’m not sure how. Do you have any advice? Dig up a strong, healthy plant and wash the soil off the roots. Select young, vigorous roots of pencil thickness and cut them from the parent plant near the crown. Cut each root into 3–4 inch lengths, cutting straight across the top and slanting at the bottom (so you know which way up to plant them). Fill a deep pot with moist cuttings compost. Insert six to eight cuttings round the rim, 1–2 inches apart, their tops level with the surface. Cover the compost with a fine layer of grit and place the pots in a cold frame, a sheltered place outdoors, or on the windowsill of a cool room.

Submit your gardening questions at readersdigest.co.uk/contact-us

checklist december Check biennials after bad weather and firm in plants loosened by winds and frost. Remove any that are severely frosted, but don’t place them until early spring. Group pot-grown plants together in a sheltered spot to reduce the risk of their rootballs freezing. Brush snow off hedges and shrubs as the weight can damage the dense growth of evergreens in particular. Rake up any leaves, which if left will block out light, hold moisture and encourage moss to establish.

reader’s tip Lift marrows, pumpkins and squashes off the ground with upturned plastic flower pots, to keep them clean and reduce slug damage. Many thanks to Daisy David of Hertforshire for sending this in. Send us your gardening tips—with photos, if possible. Go to readers digest.co.uk/contact-us. We’ll pay £50 if we use them on this page.

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Technology

Digital Radio: The Next Generation By olly mann

Olly is a technology expert, LBC presenter and Answer Me This! podcaster

Pure Pop Midi with Bluetooth, £79.99

British company Pure’s first DAB back in 2002 was, for many, our first taste of digital radio. But now we demand something smarter and sexier, so enter their new Pop range—boasting one big, central button that pops up at the top of the device to turn on the radio and adjust the volume. Although relatively compact, the Midi fills the room with sound, and, if required, pairs with your smartphone to stream internet radio.

Android app of the month: Digiduck’s Big Decision, free

It’s increasingly important for kids to gain a good grasp of cyberspace, both in terms of building up skills and also to avoid the dangers of cyberbullying and internet predators.

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This eBook, narrated by former Blue Peter presenter Janet Ellis and her daughter Sophie Ellis-Bextor, flags up such concerns in an engaging tale for 3–7 year-olds to read on their tablets along with mum or dad.

Google Glass (Explorer Edition), £1,000

Will the much-hyped Apple Watch make wearable tech a mainstream commodity? I’m sceptical, but if you’re already keen on web-connected fashion these smart spectacles are, erm, a spectacle. Look up to see a chart of the night sky in your geolocation, or tap the right arm of the glasses for headlines from CNN. Despite the hefty price tag, they’re essentially prototypes, yet to evolve into a truly game-changing gadget; and privacy concerns around video-recording glasses have informed an ugly design with a bulky camera. But it’s hard not to be wowed by the technology.

The Selfy Stick, £14.95

The unstoppable rise of the selfie has lead to the rebirth of the humble monopod. These extendable stands—available in Selfridges and Footasylum—enable enthusiastic Facebookers to post a wider variety of self-portraits: close-up, bird’seye-view. The gentle clamp holds any smartphone in place, the clasp can be adjusted, and there’s even a Bluetoothenabled shutter button, so you can activate the camera from a distance. Or just stop taking so many selfies.

APPLE app of the month London Plaques: Explore London, £1.99

There are around 2,000 plaques commemorating great people and events in England’s capital city, and this app catalogues them all. With or without access to the internet, the app can locate you on a map so you can visit as many of them as possible, and provides informative potted biographies of each illustrious individual.

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/TECHNOLOGY

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Fashion & beauty

By G e or g i n a yate s

Georgina is a fashion and beauty editor for numerous travel titles and a blogger at cargocollective. com/withgeorgia

For Her…

Chrismas Gift Ideas

A selection of scents at the opulent London perfumery

Find your perfect fragrance with a Perfume Portrait experience After walking through beautiful chelsea, I arrive at boutique perfumery Ormonde Jayne for my Perfume Portrait, an experience that matches customers to their ideal scent. Linda Pilkington founded the business after being commissioned by Chanel to create “the perfect scented candle”. “The invoice I sent to Chanel was written in my best handwriting,” she recalls. “Their accountant called and said I must register as a company if I wanted to be paid.” From this practicality, Ormonde Jayne was born. Customers are invited to relax with a glass of English sparkling wine before being led to their perfect Ormonde Jayne scent via a series of questions and smell tests. I’m 118

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warmly greeted by Holly, who, after offering me a chilled glass of wine, explains the process. Before me is a selection of bottled scents, which fall under seven categories, from floral to balsamic and oriental. As I go through the scents I must give an instinctive “yes” or “no”, after which Holly picks out a number of perfumes that match my favourite ingredients. I love all the fragrances, but settle on Osmanthus: an uplifting floral perfume with gorgeous golden citrus notes. It’s been a delightful experience that made choosing a new perfume extra special. Perfume Portraiture with Ormonde Jayne costs £120, which includes the product, drinks and your choice of food at their Sloane Square store. ■ Visit ormondejayne.com for details

For Him... Get yourself groomed at a traditional barber salon Over the last decade, fashion has rejected the archetypal “rough and ready” man’s man in favour of the well-primed gentleman. Flanagans Gent’s Hairdressing has taken full advantage of this trend—having pioneered gent’s hairdressing for 21 years, with several salons and training academies in and around Manchester and Cheshire. Its salons are perfectly in tune with the desires of the modern gent, being at once traditional and innovative. Director Chris Mullen says, “We try to promote a relaxed yet professional environment; you can watch TV and enjoy a coffee or beer.” Flanagans offer a range of services from beard trims to deep-treatments and full re-styles. “We always have offers on. These include package deals, discounts, vouchers and product gift packs,” adds Chris. A trip to the barbers would be a great way to smarten up for the festive period, and it’s good to know you’re always in safe hands at Flanagans—especially when you’re popping in for a wet shave! ■ Visit flanagansbarbers.com for details

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Reader’s Digest

A Charmed Life Aside from evoking happy memories, the trinkets and charms that

jewellery designer Charlotte Lowe collected as a youngster have influenced her design aesthetic. In her collections, Charlotte etches images taken from photographs onto silver and gold items of jewellery, creating a very personal keepsake for the wearer. “I’ve always loved to collect items that evoke memories as I’m very sentimental, and jewellery allows me to create special items for others that will hold dear memories for them too. Each time I create a personalised item from customers’ photographs, I love how it makes that piece of jewellery so unique.” Soon after graduating, Charlotte launched her first collection “Framed”, which comprised a selection of countryside images taken from her own family photos. “Framed” cemented her

Update Your Outfit The office Christmas Party has come around once more, so breathe new life into old, trustworthy ensembles with a smart jacket. 1. Evoke the glitz of the Roaring Twenties with this navy sequined number (£69, johnlewis.com). 2. Layer pretty prints over a plain dress to add extra interest (£249, tedbaker.com). 3. Go all out and combine both of the above with patterned sequins for a show-stopping look (£89, marksandspencer.com).

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Stocking fillers and more! Here at Reader’s Digest shop we continue to expand our selection of gifts, gadgets and unique offers. What’s more, as a valued subscriber, if you order today, either online or by phone, we’ll give you £5 off your order.

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status as an innovative jewellery designer, with her Countryside Couples’ necklace becoming one of her signature pieces. And word about Charlotte’s designs is certainly spreading, with stockists as far away as Shanghai showing interest. Her beautiful hand-etched designs would make the perfect gift for a special someone. Details of how to order a personalised piece can be found on Charlotte’s website, and photographs can be sent in a digital or physical format. Alternatively, Charlotte invites customers to visit her at her workshop in Birmingham to discuss any ideas you may have. ■ Visit charlottelowe.co.uk for details

Style it

Smoky eyes is a classic style and, being in the season where tradition prevails, it’s perfect for a Christmas party look. Try make-up artist Bobbi Brown’s gorgeous Smoky Nudes Eye Palette (£48, bobbibrown. co.uk).

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/FASHION-BEAUTY

Best of the box sets The pampering gift sets that have it all...

1. Clarins for day The two concentrate serums (£55, clarins. co.uk) work to combat signs of ageing.

2. Liz Earle for night The Radiance Beauty Collection (£55, lizearle.com) cleanses, tones and treats skin.

3. Aesop for him This shaving duo (£53, aesop.com) helps achieve a close shave while soothing skin. 12•2014

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books

Two seasonal novels that take Christmas in weird and wonderful directions

December Fiction By James Walton

James writes and presents the BBC Radio 4 literary quiz The Write Stuff

The Christmas Surprise

by Jenny Colgan (Sphere, £12.99; ebook, £6.49) The third book in Jenny Colgan’s Rosie Hopkins series, like the first two, is very enjoyable. It opens with Rosie still running her sweet shop in the Derbyshire village of Lipton and still engaged to the hunky but kindly Stephen. But once she realises she’s pregnant, a year of change lies ahead. And a year of change is what we get—although not in the ways we might expect. By the time the whole cast gathers for their next Christmas dinner in the local old folks’ home, Rosie and Stephen have together faced down an impressive range of crises—and the nearest things to villains that Lipton has to offer—with the help of their village chums. Yet, while there’s no denying Colgan’s reliance on chick-lit conventions, there’s no resisting them either: partly because she so clearly enjoys them herself; but partly, too, because she juggles them far more deftly than most. She also writes with real verve and a keen eye for comedy. At one point, we meet a counsellor who has “the right mix of sharpness and calm kindness”—a claim that could be made for Colgan herself.

NAME THE AUTHOR

(Answer on p128) Can you guess the writer from these clues (and, of course, the fewer you need the better)? 1. He was born 115 years ago, 124 |

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just before Christmas—hence his first name. 2. He played a master criminal in The Italian Job. 3. His plays include Blithe Spirit and Private Lives.

Let Me Be Frank With You

by Richard Ford (Bloomsbury, £18.99; ebook, £16.99) If you fancy something less cosy, there’s always Richard Ford’s latest Frank Bascombe book— which, despite also taking place at Christmas (and also featuring a scene in an old people’s home), couldn’t be more different. Frank first appeared in Ford’s brilliant The Sportswriter and has since starred in two more award-laden novels. Now 68 and retired, Frank remains as unsparing and laconically funny as ever in his refusal to accept received wisdoms, or indeed to pretend anything at all. “Not that much is happening,” he tells us early on, “except on the medical front.” Later, he explains that, “I don’t remember some things that well, owing to the fact that I don’t care all that much.” Luckily, though, Frank has enough material to bring us four loosely related episodes from Christmas 2012, after Hurricane Sandy has hit New Jersey near where he lives, reminding him of the essential fragility of life (not that he needed much reminding). He also casts a typically beady eye on his fellow oldsters, including one friend whose facelifts have left him looking “weird as hell”. Frank’s own remedy to the same problem is rather simpler: “I don’t look in mirrors any more. It’s cheaper than surgery.”

Humour Books for Christmas ■■ The Most of Nora Ephron by Nora Ephron (Doubleday, £20).

Anthology of writings by the screenwriter of When Harry Met Sally. Lots of laughs and insights. ■■ Terrible Estate Agent Photos by Andy Donaldson (Square Peg, £8.99). The title more or

less explains it—although the captions are great too. ■■ Christmas Cracker Jokes by Amanda Li (Macmillan’s Children’s, £6.99). Perfect for

children; possibly less fun for any grown-ups, who’ll no doubt be treated to lots of the contents. ■■ Middle Class Problems by Benjamin Lee (Square Peg, £9.99). “Someone spilled quinoa

on my paddle yoga board.” Real laments from those suffering balsamic vinegar tragedies and unlabelled salad bar crises. ■■ A Few Well-Frozen Worms by Ronnie Barker (Ebury, £18.99).

Sketches and monologues from one of the Ronnies —the sequel to the bestselling (and inevitably titled) Fork Handles.

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B OO K S

RD’s Recommended Read

Curl up by the fire and luxuriate in a book that dissects all the ways the written word enchants us

In her introduction, Heather Reyes refers to Bookworms, DogEars & Squashy Big Armchairs as a “little dip-in book”—and it’s true that her alphabetically-arranged individual entries are generally short and easily digestible. Yet, given how she ranges over the whole experience of reading, past and present, this description is surely far too modest. Under the letter A, for example, we learn that Author Events didn’t start with Waterstones—or even with Charles Dickens’ tours of the US—but in Ancient Rome, where the authors in question included Virgil and Horace. B brings us a surprisingly heartfelt entry on Bookmarks (Reyes is particularly dismissive of those leather ones with the little fringes that curl up),

Bookworms, Dog Ears & Squashy Big Armchair: a Book Lover’s Alphabet by Heather Reyes is published by Oxygen Books at £8.99; ebook, £4.11 126

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and a less surprisingly heartfelt one on Borrowing Books (basically, if you can’t treat them properly, then don’t borrow any). And so the book goes on, mixing fascinating snippets of history with jargon-busting; straight facts with passages that are more opinionated, but always sensible. Reyes also makes plenty of reading suggestions. The result fulfils its promise to remind us of “the daily miracle of

For The Love Of Reading

books”. At the same time, it not only celebrates the sense of community that book lovers already have, but— thanks to its kindly, welcoming tone —helps to further it. Here are four entries, almost at random:

‘‘

E-BOOKS/DOWNLOADS PROS: Holiday clothes don’t get horribly creased from all the books they have to share a suitcase with. E-books save paper. They cost less. You can increase the type-size if your eyes are bad. CONS: They’re not there, on the shelf, reminding you about themselves and the time you read them when you catch a glimpse of the title and author on the spine. They don’t have smell or texture. You don’t find pressed flowers or metro tickets between the pages years later. Without the physical mnemonic of the book on the shelf, it’s easy to forget what you’ve read.

ESCAPISM Believe it or not, there are people out there who regard reading novels— even those of the highest quality— as “mere escapism”. If challenged by such strange specimens of the human race, agree with them. Yes, it is. But point out that it’s not an escape from life, but an escape into life—into a richer and more complex life and range of experiences than most of us encounter in our fairly limited, dayto-day existences. Escape all you can.

R eader ’ s D i g e s t

RD EXCLUSIVE: HEATHER REYES’S FAVOURITE LITERARY CHRISTMASES

“Christmas won’t be Christmas without any presents,” says Amy, the youngest March sister, at the start of Louisa May Alcott’s Little Women. Their clergyman father away at the Civil War, they overcome hard times with modest, thoughtful gifts. A book dear to adolescent girls, but a message for everyone. We’d all like to attend the Sventitskys’ Christmas party in Boris Pasternak’s Doctor Zhivago, with its tree “girded with tier upon tier of streaming lights”, laden supper table, gifts for everyone and dancing until morning—the magic broken only by a gunshot... “The Last Christmas of the War”, in Primo Levi’s autobiographical Moments of Reprieve, is set in Auschwitz. A miracle brings a food parcel, shared with his friend. Despite efforts to conceal it, some is stolen. Yet generosity triumphs, even amid horror: “Some other famished man was celebrating Christmas at our expense, maybe even blessing us.”

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B OO K S

REJECTION LETTERS All authors are familiar with that nasty little letter (or email) that, after a long period of waiting (usually) comes back from the publisher. Struggling

SECOND-HAND BOOKS… …range from those dubiouslooking, battered little paperbacks (five for £1) in cardboard boxes on a pavement table in front of the shop

authors comfort themselves with stories of famous writers being rejected. Here are a few examples: • F Scott Fitzgerald—“You’d have a decent book if you’d get rid of that Gatsby character.” • Rudyard Kipling—“I’m sorry, Mr Kipling, but you just don’t know how to use the English language.” • Sylvia Plath—“There isn’t enough genuine talent for us to take notice.” • George Orwell had trouble finding a publisher for Animal Farm and one of the reasons given was “it’s impossible to sell animal stories in the USA”. • John le Carré, submitting The Spy Who Came in from the Cold, was told he hadn’t got any future in writing. and the NAME of THE AUTHOR is… Noël Coward. (As pub quizzers may know, The Italian Job is the only film to star both Noël Coward and Benny Hill.)

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to the most expensive collectors’ items from specialist dealers in antiquarian books. Between the two extremes are the vast majority of second-hand books, their previous owners often indicated by touching dedications from family or friends on birthdays, Christmases, as “thank yous” or in memory of a happy time spent together—and sometimes given as school or college prizes. These can be real tear-jerkers. All that love and thoughtfulness ending up in a second-hand bookshop, looking at you like those doe-eyed puppies in old-fashioned pet shops, just asking to be bought and loved again. But sometimes you have to harden your heart. Depending on how they’ve been stored, second-hand books can exude a distinct odour. Have too many and your home will begin to smell like that musty little second-hand bookshop you remember haunting in your youth during a wet holiday in a little seaside town …

’’

Second-hand books are often indicated by touching dedications from family and friends

Books

that changed my life

Stanley Johnson is a writer, former politician and passionate animal rights and environmental campaigner. He’s also the father of six children— including the current Mayor of London

Kennedy’s Latin Primer By Benjamin Hall Kennedy

This was my introduction to the classics. At school, we studied all the nouns, adjectives, verbs, declensions and conjugations that made up Latin— I found it exciting to understand how a language was constructed; it set me on the road to being a classicist.

Tschiffely’s Ride p hoto courtesy of stanley john son

By Aimé Tschiffely

Imagine riding 10,000 miles from Buenos Aires in Argentina, through Central America to New York! Tschiffely embarked on his journey with two horses in 1925 and I thought it the most wonderfully adventurous thing. Even today there isn’t a road that takes you from South to North America. I was still at school when I read his story and had only ever been FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/BOOKS

abroad once in my life but, a few years later during my gap year, I too went to South America. I’ve been travelling the world for work and enlightening experiences ever since.

The Gathering Storm By Winston Churchill

I started reading Churchill’s six volumes on the Second World War when I was about 12. There’s a line in The Gathering Storm that describes his feelings when he first became Prime Minister on May 10, 1940, which has stayed with me all my life: “I felt as if I were walking with destiny, and that all my past life had been but a preparation for this hour and this trial.” I wrote to him when he took office for the second time and was thrilled to get a letter back. As told to Caroline Hutton Stanley Johnson’s second volume of his memoirs, Stanley, I Resume, is out now 12•2014

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FUn & Games

You Couldn’t Make It Up Win £50 for your true, funny stories! Go to readersdigest. co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk I called into the local pet shop to buy some bedding

for my niece’s pet rats. On entering the shop, there was a table with tasters of what looked like chocolate biscuits, and being a bit peckish—and not one to turn down a free titbit—I promptly picked one up and started munching it as I looked for the rat department. A young assistant approached me, and before I could ask where the rat bedding was, he informed me very pointedly that the shop was doing an offer on dog biscuits that week. I haven’t been back since.

A friend of mine drove through France last summer

with his wife and children. They’d never been abroad before, and I recommended they drive as they’d see more of the country that way. When they returned, my friend said the whole family had loved the holiday—the sights, the food, the weather—and he’d even enjoyed 130 |

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the driving. There was just one thing that had bothered him, and he’d decided to ask me when they got home. He said there was a place for which he always saw signposts but never seemed to reach—a place called “Centre Ville”. Understanding his frustration, I explained that it’s not a town at all, but is simply French for “Town Centre”.

Gavin Armstrong, County Down

cartoon by steve way

Patricia Guyatt, Salisbury

“Free pen, sir, if you save Africa”

R e a d e r ’ s Dig e s t

last CHRISTMAS MORNING, our

young son set about opening his presents from Father Christmas, but to our dismay he didn’t look very excited about it. When we asked him what the matter was, he quietly replied, “Well, I was really hoping that you and daddy would buy me something for Christmas this year.” Hope Lewis, Liverpool

My husband and I were walking along a beach in

Spain with two of our friends, when one of them stopped and looked up to the sky. She asked if the sun in Spain was the same one we get at home. My husband winked at me and proceeded to tell her that it wasn’t—that the sun in Spain was much hotter than our sun. As she nodded her understanding, we all had a job not to laugh. She then announced that she also knew it was a different moon, as it was a different shape to the one we had before we came away. We all kept this going for a good couple of months until we finally had to tell her the truth. deirdre haxton, by email my family had been invited

over to our neighbours’ house for Christmas. They were completely disorganised and told us they’d been too late to get to the shops to buy a turkey, but not to worry as they had a large quantity of tinned meat

from Finland they could serve up. When they put out the plates, they told us it was reindeer meat. Our children’s faces were a picture! They didn’t eat one morsel of it. Jason Truby, Hertfordshire When I needed my exam certificates for a job interview,

my brother volunteered to go up to the attic to find them and put them in a folder for me. The next week, I nervously walked into the interview room, where much to my surprise the interview panel were chuckling. “Your qualifications are all in order,” their spokeswoman said. “Also, congratulations on becoming a Weight Watchers Gold Member.” I soon forgave my brother when I got the job. Jill Cohen, Leeds While I was attending church recently, the pastor was speaking

to the children who’d gathered at the front. He was telling them the Bible story about Daniel and his friends, who were put into the fiery furnace by King Nebuchadnezzar. In the story, the king said that the heat should be made even greater and the pastor asked the children, “What could they do?” Of course he wanted them to say that they should pray to God for help, but one little boy immediately shouted out, “Send for Fireman Sam.” Wesley Lewis, Belfast 12•2014

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it pays to increase your

Word Power Whether you’re listening to Christmas carols or belting out “Auld Lang Syne,” joyful music and sound abound during the festive season. So this month, a sonically inspired quiz. Answers on the next page. By E m ily Cox & H enry Rathvo n

1. raucous ('raw-kus) adj— A: disagreeably harsh. B: thin and reedy. C: with no embellishment or creativity.

8. repertoire ('rep-er-twahr) n—

2. harangue (huh-'rang) n—

9. dissonant ('dis-seh-nent) adj— A: in counterpoint. B: teasing or mocking. C: harmonically clashing.

A: Irish accent. B: ranting speech. C: earnest plea. 3. tremulous ('trem-yeh-lus) adj—

A: shaking slightly. B: impressively forceful. C: lyrical. 4. mellifluously

(meh-'lif-loo-us-lee) adv— A: in a slurred manner. B: smoothly and sweetly. C: in muffled tones.

A: complete list of works, as of music. B: full range of a voice. C: tune sung in a round.

10. timbre ('tam-ber) n— A: tonal quality. B: accent. C: introduction, as of a speech. 11. troubadour ('trew-beh-dor) n— A: town crier. B: strolling singer. C: choir director. 12. eulogise ('yew-leh-jiyz) v—

5. Lorelei ('lor-eh-liy) n— A: story

A: lament. B: praise. C: sing a solo.

narrator. B: opera soloist. C: woman who sings with bewitching beauty.

13. inflection (in-'flek-shun) n— A: vocal rise or fall. B: catchy melody. C: repeat of a phrase.

6. a cappella (ah keh-'peh-lah)

adv— A: sung spontaneously. B: sung without instruments. C: sung in a syncopated rhythm. 7. declaim (deh-’klaym) v— A: retract

an oath. B: vow. C: speak pompously.

14. scat ('skat) v— A: sing nonsense

syllables. B: omit notes. C: speak fast. 15. soliloquy (seh-'lil-eh-kwee) n— A: glee club. B: pause in speaking. C: act of talking to oneself. 12•2014

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Word Power

Answers 1. raucous—[A] disagreeably harsh. “I awoke, as usual, to the raucous chorus of crows outside my window.” 2. harangue—[B] ranting speech. “One more advert harangue, and I’m tossing this TV off the balcony!” 3. tremulous—[A] shaking slightly. “ ‘Um, Dad, any chance of a raise in my pocket money?’ Tommy asked in a tremulous tone.” 4. mellifluously—[B] smoothly and

sweetly. “As expected, Lucy’s aria was delivered most mellifluously.” 5. Lorelei—[C] woman who sings with bewitching beauty. “Many a sailor has been lured to shipwreck by a lovely Lorelei.” 6. a cappella—[B] sung without instruments. “Jo asked, ‘Is it still a cappella if we use kazoos?’ ” 7. declaim—[C] speak pompously. “Why can’t politicians speak to us without declaiming?” 8. repertoire— [A] complete list of works, as of music. “The new cellist was given two months to learn the orchestra’s entire repertoire.” 134 |

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9. dissonant—[C] harmonically clashing. “ ‘Let’s try that line again,’ the conductor said. ‘Those three notes are still a little dissonant’. ” 10. timbre—[A] tonal quality. “Want to impress your music friends with the timbre of your voice? First, make sure you pronounce the word correctly!” (See previous page.) 11. troubadour—[B] strolling singer. “I was followed by a troublesome troubadour at the fair.” 12. eulogise—[B] praise. “Alex was eulogised at the ceremony for his countless acts of philanthropy.” 13. inflection—[A] vocal rise or fall. “The detective could tell from the suspect’s inflection that she was lying.” 14. scat—[A] sing nonsense

final notes Legend held that a dying swan would sing an especially sweet melody. Whether the folklore is true or not, swan song by extension now means any final performance or appearance. For example, cricket legend Sachin Tendulkar made his swan song for the Indian team last year, after playing his 200th Test match.

syllables. “Louis Armstrong set the standard on how to scat.” 15. soliloquy— [C] act of talking to oneself. “Don’t pester me—I’m trying to memorise Hamlet’s soliloquy.” Vocabulary Ratings

9 & below: Strident 10–12: Dulcet 13–15: Clarion

FUn & Games

BrainTeasers Challenge yourself by solving these puzzles and mind stretchers, then check your answers on page 139. sorting fish

A fisherman is sitting on the bank of the Catchmore River, dreaming of the fish he’ll hook. Can you divide his thoughts opposite by drawing two straight lines to produce three sections, each containing four small fish, three medium fish and two large fish?

on target

colourful choice

Which of the four boxed symbols completes the set?

Should the middle circle be yellow or white?

? 136

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c d

identical twins

The six items below may look similar, but only two are identical. Can you spot which two?

counting

How many triangles are there in this figure?

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brain teasers

Concise Crossword

Complete this crossword and use the letters in the shaded squares to find the name of a popular TV personality.

10 12

11 13

16 17

The hidden celebrity is TV chef Jamie Oliver

Down

1 Three-piece (4) 3 Relative (4) 5 Army officer (5) 6 Type (4) 8 Fortified building (6) 10 Irritate (9) 13 National song (6) 15 Mountain (4) 16 Show-ties (5) 17 Coral formation (4) 18 Utensil (4)

1 Nerve-wracking (5) 2 leave out (4) 3 Weapons (4) 4 Tall buildings (5) 7 Correct (5) 8 Abyss (5) 9 Name (5) 11 Bet (5) 12 Expertise (5) 14 Fraction (4) 15 Over (4)

138

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Answers Across: 1 Trio 3 Aunt 5 Major 6 Sort 8 Castle 10 Aggravate 13 Anthem 15 Peak 16 Laces 17 Reef 18 Tool Down: 1 Tense 2 Omit 3 Arms 4 Tower 7 Right 8 Chasm 9 Title 11 Wager 12 Skill 14 Half 15 Past

Across

Reader’s Digest

BrainTeasers: Answers sorting fish

£50 prize question Answer published in the January issue Which domino (A, B, C or D) should fill the empty space?

on target

B. Each line has a blue, a black and a white outer circle; a blue, a black and a white middle circle; and a small black and a small white inner circle (with one shape having no inner circle). The missing shape must therefore have a blue outer circle, a blue middle circle (since no other middle circles are showing in the third row it follows that the first must be black and the second white) and no inner circle—hence B.

colourful choice

Yellow. Reading left to right, row after row, every third circle is yellow. identical twins

B and C are the same. counting

19 triangles.

The first correct answer we pick on December 4 wins £50!* Email excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk

Answer to November’s prize question One diamond weighs as much as four hearts; and one spade weighs as much as three hearts. Therefore seven hearts are needed to balance scale C. And the £50 goes to… Uri Steinberg from Manchester

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FUn & Games

Laugh! Win £50 for every reader’s joke we publish! Go to readersdigest. co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk

A man goes to a psychiatrist.

“I haven’t come here for myself, you understand,” he says to the psychiatrist. “I’ve come to see you about my brother.” “What’s wrong with your brother?” asks the psychiatrist. 140 |

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“Well, he thinks he’s an orange,” the man says. “That sounds bad. Tell me, where’s your brother now?” the doctor asks. “He’s here in my pocket,” he replies. Robert Bluck, B i r m i n g h a m

cartoon by Steve Way

“Would it blow my Wise Man cool if I took a selfie with the child?”

Reader’s Digest

somebody complimented me

on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, “Parking Fine.” So that was nice.

comedian Tim Vine

When my wife and I argue,

we’re like a band in concert: we start with some new stuff and then we roll out our greatest hits. Comedian Frank Skinner

joyful and triumphant Get into the festive spirit with these Christmas crackers! Why don’t you ever see Santa in hospital? Because he has private elf care. huffingtonpost.co.uk

Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re going to pay. You

have my Word.

GreatCleanJokes.com

What Orchestral instrument

is made of cardboard and is full of sweets? Tuba Smarties. Comedian Richard Woolford

Bill and Mavis are celebrating

their 75th wedding anniversary. Bill says to Mavis, “You stay in bed and I’ll make your breakfast. What would you like?” “I’d like a nice cup of coffee with thick cream on top,” replies Mavis. “But write it down, you know what your memory’s like.” “OK,” says Bill. “Don’t worry. Do you want anything else?” “Oh, yes,” she says, “a nice bowl of muesli with fruit—but write it down, you know what your memory’s like.” “OK,” says Bill, “but don’t worry. Anything else?” “Yes,” replies Mavis, “a piece of

What does the queen call her Christmas broadcast? The One Show. seen on the internet

Why is everyone changing their name to Angelina this Christmas? Tis the season to be Jolie. richie bob on twitter

What did Santa do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker. huffingtonpost.co.uk What’s Santa’s favourite pizza? One that’s deep pan, crisp and even. Seen on the internet

There are three stages of man. He believes in Santa Claus; he doesn’t believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus. seen on the internet. Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? Because they were two deer.

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L a u gh

anniversary cake and ice cream— but write it down!” Off goes Bill to the kitchen and comes back with fried bacon, eggs, mushrooms and tomatoes. Mavis looks at the presentation and asks, “Where’s my toast?”

J W Stokoe, D u r h a m

A man and his wife were having some problems at home

and were giving each other the silent treatment. After a week of silence, the man realised he’d need his wife to wake him at 5am for an early morning business flight to London.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5am.” The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9am and that he’d missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. It said, “It’s 5am. Wake up.” cheergiver.com

Why did the Belgian keep

mixing up his indefinite articles? Because he was an twerp.

the adam & Joe show

face off Smile and the whole world smiles with you. Even if you’re a traffic cone. (From Faces In Things on Twitter.)

142 |

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reAder’s digest

60-Second Stand-Up We caught up with the king of surreal comedy harry hill WhAt’s your fAVourite one-liner

“I’m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.” —Woody Allen do you hAVe A memorAble heckler eXperience?

I was once on stage when this guy in the audience stripped down to his underpants. He made his way up on to stage and everyone just thought it was part of the act. I was expecting security or the stage manager to do something, but they didn’t. So I just talked to him for a while and then I sort of encouraged him to go and sit back down. Apparently it was a dare.

hAVe you eVer bombed on stAge?

I was playing Jongleur’s in Battersea, where they used to get a lot of office parties. I was doing a routine where the punchline was me shouting, “Beds, beds, beds, beds!” As I started doing that, people started chanting it. And when I stopped, they carried on. Instead of being booed off stage, I was sort of “bedded” off stage.

Are Any pArts of the country funnier thAn others?

Everyone says it, but it’s true—the further north you go, it seems people are more relaxed than in the south. Who’s your comedy inspirAtion?

Woody Allen was a brilliant standup—he started out on stage in the Sixties, before he made the big films. WhAt’s your fAVourite hArry hill Joke?

First we were hunter gatherers. Next we learned to kill for ourselves. Then we learned to eat meat. Then we discovered fire and how to cook meat. And then...my parents separated. harry hill’s new dVd Sausage Time— Live From Leeds is out this month

FOR MORE, GO TO reAdersdigest.co.uk/fun-gAmes

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Beat the Cartoonist! win £100 and a cartoon print

October’s Winner

Think of a witty caption for this picture and you could beat the experts at their own game. The three best suggestions will be posted on our website in mid-December alongside an anonymous caption from our cartoonist. Visitors can choose their favourite— if your entry gets the most votes, you’ll win £100 and a framed copy of the cartoon, with your caption added. Submit to captions@ readersdigest.co.uk or readersdigest.co.uk/ caption by December 12. Vote online at readersdigest.co.uk/caption. We’ll announce the winner in our February issue.

Hurrah! At last the professionals can crack open the champagne that’s been languishing on ice for so long. Cartoonist Steve Way’s caption, “Can’t you just inch into another lane? There might be better phone reception,” claimed the top spot by a single vote. It may not be a resounding victory, but a win’s a win. A new dawn? Only time will tell… Scoreboard Readers 26 Cartoonists 9

“I Remember”: Ashley Jensen The former star of Extras and Ugly Betty chats about her new murder mystery, Laurel & Hardy and getting covered in dog poo. 144

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Plus • Creating prosthetics for the movies • Best of British: Winter Gardens • Living together in retirement

in the January issue

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BOFA Readers Digest 10-14.indd 1

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28/10/2014 17:10