Living Fully After a Cancer Diagnosis
Julie Larson, LCSW - www.julielarsonlcsw.com
Cancer Changes You.
That discomfort you’re feeling is grief Denial “I don’t like to think what upsets me about my body or my future, so I avoid it, push it out of my head””
Anger ”This sucks and it isn’t fair! I feel annoyed and irritated when I see others who are healthy.”
Bargaining “When I lose 15lbs, my hair grows back, I get to 5 years, I will feel like myself again.”
Sadness “I feel sad and lost and worried I will never feel ok”
Acceptance “It is what it is. I feel upset at times and grateful for the friendships who love me no matter what" Julie Larson, LCSW - www.julielarsonlcsw.com
Change. Humans have a complex relationship with change.
Yet, it is inevitable (and essential) for growth. Deeply uncomfortable – especially if it is involuntary and out of our control. Julie Larson, LCSW - www.julielarsonlcsw.com
Self-Awareness Self-awareness isn’t about finding your “best self” or your “higher self”. It is about finding your actual self. The one buried under all the “should “ and survival strategies.
IDENTITY PARALYSIS: • Feeling stuck • Unable to develop or understand identity now • Angry, frustrated, hopeless
IDENTITY GROWTH: • A clear understanding of who you are • How you fit in the world • Your values, beliefs, roles and responsibilities Larson, LCSW Julie Larson, LCSW Julie - www.julielarsonlcsw.com
www.julielarsonlcsw.com
The Dreaded “New Normal”
Mark the Moment of Change • There is value in acknowledging the end of a chapter. • You do not have to do this perfectly. You just have to show up. • Give yourself permission to note the significance of this impact on you. • Can this act help you find the calm the comes with acceptance of the here and now? Julie Larson, LCSW - www.julielarsonlcsw.com
How do I know my values? When do I feel most content? Proud? Energized? Happy? Authentic? What qualities to I admire or respect in others? What matters to me that others think or feel about who I am? Consider a moment of distress. Are indicators to an underlying value?
Values can evolve or change through your life. Julie Larson, LCSW - www.julielarsonlcsw.com
Values • Linked to emotion • Motivate action – help define what you do but also drive you to that end. • Apply across different situations • Use them as a measure for ourselves (and sometimes others) • Often involve trade offs Julie Larson, LCSW - www.julielarsonlcsw.com
Journal prompts for a private moment…
What do you need today that you are afraid to admit? When no one is watching and you don’t have to perform, who are you? Julie Larson, LCSW - www.julielarsonlcsw.com
Create Your Story to Tie Your Past to Your Present (and Future) • Before Cancer… and now….? • I used to enjoy …. but now….? • I never noticed…. And now…? • These things used to matter a great deal to me… and now….? • I never thought I could…. But now I know…? Julie Larson, LCSW - www.julielarsonlcsw.com
Work Through Challenging Feelings • Hard feelings are understandable.
• Getting stuck in an emotional cycle can block your capacity to heal even if you are cognitively ready. • Allow for the Emotional Circle: Grief to Compassionate Authority • Begin to develop a “link” to a new identity (value or action) you can grab onto when you notice and experience a hard feeling. Julie Larson, LCSW - www.julielarsonlcsw.com
Identity is Multi-Faceted • Having many “tributaries” to your sense of self is helpful. • Cultivate a full and rich range of identities • If one version of yourself is hard to be with today, practice shifting your focus to a part of your identity that feels easier for now?
Julie Larson, LCSW - www.julielarsonlcsw.com
Envisioning the future is an important and natural exercise Helps guide and ground your “Right Now Self”
Julie Larson, LCSW - www.julielarsonlcsw.com
Considering Goals • Don’t always have to be about what you want to DO • Can also be about who you want to BE • May relate to how you engage with others • May be easier to develop with someone who knows you well (for a long time) • What is missing in your life? • When was the last time you felt joy? • May require some creativity and flexibility. Julie Larson, LCSW Julie Larson, LCSW - www.julielarsonlcsw.com
www.julielarsonlcsw.com
Living with Intention. • Intentions are more than goals. • Intentions come from our core beliefs and values where we find clarity on what we really want from life. • WHO we want to be. • HOW we want to interact with the world. Julie Larson, LCSW - www.julielarsonlcsw.com
Julie Larson, LCSW www.julielarsonlcsw.com
Consider this Mental Shift… This isn’t about becoming a “better” version of yourself. It’s about becoming the most honest version.
“Who I used to be.” TO “Who I will become.”
“I miss…” TO “I can be…” Julie Larson, LCSW - www.julielarsonlcsw.com
Thank you for sharing your time with me. Julie Larson, LCSW Feel free to send in any questions to Julie@julielarsonlcsw.com
@jlarsonlcsw
www.julielarsonlcsw.com
Julie Larson, LCSW - www.julielarsonlcsw.com
julielarsoncollaborative