Who Am I Now? Finding Your Identity After Cancer.
Cancer Changes You.
• Difficulty connecting with your body.
• Emotional fragility
• Mistrust of: Your body, Medical team, Effectiveness of treatment
• Fear of the future
• Pain, body discomfort
• Loss of body parts (including menopause)
• Uncertainty and worry
• Loss of innocence
• Hurtles in relationships (subtle or obvious)
• Changes in career or how you spend your time
JULIE LARSON, LCSW -
That discomfort you’re feeling is grief
Denial
“I don’t like to think what upsets me about my body or my future, so I avoid it, push it out of my head””
Anger
”This sucks and it isn’t fair! I feel annoyed and irritated when I see others who are healthy.”
Bargaining
“When I lose 15lbs, my hair grows back, I get to 5 years, I will feel like myself again.”
Sadness
“I feel sad and lost and worried I will never feel ok”
Acceptance
“It is what it is. I feel upset at times and grateful for the friendships who love me no matter what"
JULIE LARSON, LCSW -
Change.
Humans have a complex relationship with change.
Yet, it is inevitable (and essential) for growth.
Deeply uncomfortable –especially if it is involuntary and out of our control.
JULIE LARSON, LCSWWWW.JULIELARSONLCSW.COM
Identity Paralysis vs. Identity Growth
IDENTITY
PARALYSIS:
• Feeling stuck
• Unable to develop or understand identity now
• Angry, frustrated, hopeless
IDENTITY GROWTH:
• A clear understanding of who you are
• How you fit in the world
• Your values, beliefs, roles and responsibilities
The Dreaded “New Normal”
• There is an emotional reckoning after a cancer diagnosis that comes with uncertainty and loss.
• Work to be done grappling with not only ”who am I now?” but also “who do I want to be?”
JULIE LARSON, LCSW -
Mark the Moment of Change
• Value in acknowledging and naming the end of a chapter.
• Giving yourself permission to note the significance of this impact on you.
• Is this a moment that helps you find the calm of acceptance and the here and now?
JULIE LARSON, LCSW -
Living in accordance with your life values has measurable impact on:
• Psychological wellbeing
• Life satisfaction – more day-to-day happiness
• Strong relationships
• Lowers stress
• Brings more peace and clarity in your life
• Helps with decision making – prioritization
• Generates more motivation and drive
Values
• Linked to emotion
• Motivate action – help define what you do but also drive you to that end.
• Apply across different situations
• Use them as a measure for ourselves (and sometimes others)
• Often involve trade offs
JULIE LARSON, LCSW -
When do I feel most content? Proud?
Energized? Happy? Authentic?
What qualities to I admire or respect in others?
What matters to me that others think or feel about who I am?
Consider a moment of distress. Are indicators to an underlying value?
JULIE LARSON, LCSW -
Work Through Challenging Feelings
• Hard feelings are understandable.
• Getting stuck in an emotional cycle can block your capacity to heal even if you are cognitively ready.
• Allow for the Emotional Circle: Grief to Compassionate Authority
• Begin to develop a “link” to a new identity (value or action) you can grab onto when you notice and experience a hard feeling.
JULIE LARSON, LCSW -
Create Your Story to Tie Your Past to Your Present (and Future)
• Before Cancer… and now….?
• I used to enjoy …. but now….?
• I never noticed…. And now…?
• These things used to matter a great deal to me… and now….?
• I never thought I could…. But now I know…?
JULIE LARSON, LCSW -
Identity is Multi-Faceted
• Having many “tributaries” to your sense of self is helpful.
• Cultivate a full and rich range of identities
• If one version of yourself is hard to be with today, practice shifting your focus to a part of your identity that feels easier for now?
JULIE LARSON, LCSW -
Envisioning the future is an important and natural exercise
Helps guide and ground your “Right Now Self”
JULIE LARSON, LCSW -
Considering Goals
• Don’t always have to be about what you want to DO
• Can also be about who you want to BE
• May relate to how you engage with others
• May be easier to develop with someone who knows you well (for a long time)
• What is missing in your life?
• When was the last time you felt joy?
• May require some creativity and flexibility.
JULIE LARSON, LCSW -
Living with Intention.
• Intentions are more than goals.
• Intentions come from our core beliefs and values where we find clarity on what we really want from life.
• WHO we want to be.
• HOW we want to interact with the world.
JULIE LARSON, LCSWWWW.JULIELARSONLCSW.COM
Consider this Mental Shift…
“Who I used to be.” TO “Who I will become.”
“I miss…” TO “I can be…”
JULIE
LARSON, LCSW -
