A Book Club Kit for AND THEN THEY STOPPED TALKING TO ME by Judith Warner

AND THEN THEY STOPPED TALKING TO ME MAKING SENSE OF MIDDLE SCHOOL

JUDITH WARNER From the New York Times bestselling author of Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety comes a manifesto on why we urgently need to rethink the middle school years. The very phrase “middle school” evokes feelings of abject misery: painful loneliness, extreme self-consciousness, a sense of never measuring up or fitting in. Due to a perfect storm of developmental changes—physical, psychological, and social—these years are frequently ones of great distress for parents and children alike. Judith Warner believes they don’t have to be quite so bad — if we adults are willing to take a hard look at ourselves and the culture that we’ve created. Marshaling history, sociology, and science—and with a singular mix of curiosity, wit and skepticism—she shows that we need an enlightened new approach to make the most of this crucial period in children’s lives. And the ideal place to start, she writes, is by becoming better aware of the enduring power of our own inner middle schoolers. Part cultural critique and part call to action, this essential book unpacks one of life’s most formative periods and shows how we can help our children not only survive it, but thrive. Warner argues: • Middle school misery is as American as apple pie — a product of our unique history, culture, and society. • Its ups and downs can’t all be blamed on “raging hormones.” • Puberty matters — a great deal —but not in the ways that most adults think. • The early adolescent brain enters a second critical period of rapid development that makes the period extra-memorable, for better and for worse. • Biology is not destiny: good environments can nudge young teens and tweens to become their best selves. • The cattiest, cliquiest, most exclusive people in the middle school universe aren’t the “popular” kids; it’s their parents.

• “ Popularity” isn’t all it’s cracked up to be; “cool” crowd membership is actually a significant risk factor for unhappiness, both in the short term and later in life. • Parents who over-identify with their kids’ middle school suffering can turn solvable problems into existential crises. • The greatest dangers facing middle schoolers today don’t come from sex, drugs or alcohol, or even from social media, but from our culture’s “winner-take-all” attitudes—which enable the very worst middle-schooler instincts and behavior. • Nowhere are those attitudes, values, and behaviors more toxic than in highly competitive, upper-middle-class communities.

• “Mean” is not just a girl thing.

And Then They Stopped Talking to Me I Judith WarneR I ON SALE May 5, 2020 @judithwarner

@judithwarnerBOOKS I JUDITHWARNER.COM

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