October
Letter
From
the
Editor
Dearest Co-opers, Wow! Has
it already been a fortnight? Time seems to slip by without taking cognizance of each passing day. I have noticed that many of the songbirds have left us, heading south for the warmer climes. The leaves have begun their decline and many can be noticed floating on their airy path toward the Earth for a winter rest. We have also had our first frost, signaling the close of another season. More students are creeping into the library and becoming accountable as the semester progresses. Indeed, your very own Executive Committee is passing the socialization stage of group development and beginning the task-completion stage; think of a new love and each moment more blissful than the last, then the magic fades and all we have are each other. Only there was no magic, all we ever possess are fleeting moments of shared meaning and common goals. I am once again supremely delighted to publish our very own Pine Press. This article’s subject focuses on; “First Aid & Emergency Preparedness� Once again I am ecstatic, the material contained
Amelia J. Larson, Phoenix Poem for Pine Press, Sept. 29th Monster, noun Envision us ( include therein yourself ) As every working member of a mythical creation. Not a gathering of separated humans But A creature Biblical in size and fascinating to observe With dripping wings and tentacles, bicuspids Longer than a door Connecting sinews of the tail and feet and talons Extra fingers and auxiliary protrusions of the spine Grimy scales alight with wild expectations of the world. We are pieces of a monster The enormous grinning beast, Crawling from beneath the shifting earth Knit together to amass a frightening wisdom The benevolence of many eyes Our total age combined Searching for a place to live As all the monsters are.
Dealing with uncooperative housemates? Wishing you could get everyone together for a meal, or just to watch TV in the commons? Here's some great advice for how to increase involvement from SHC Alumna Rachel Parsons, found in the depths of the SHC Archives: submitted by: Chris Walsh, New Community “How to Increase Involvement in Five Easy Steps” by rachel parsons Here are some words of wisdom form one of our former VPE’s (Eric Baka, former resident of Bower) along with some information that I have gathered from my experiences here. Work Parties Work parties are a great way to witness the co-operative spirit in action. Work is an important part aspect of living in the co-ops, and work parties are a fun way to introduce new members to this ideal, as well as reacquaint the old ones. Doing your work together as a house creates a spirit of community and keeps everyone motivated in their projects. Strategies: always have two or more people working together try to have everyone work on the same days try to mix old and new members always reward labor with food and drink clearly define objectives and make them highly visible have the work party as soon as possible after new members arrive Shared Meals Shared meals are always a good community builder and serve as a place for socializing, planning, and exchanging information. It also helps old and new members get to know each other. Strategies: sit-down dinners rather than cafeteria style encourage old members to sit next to new members during the first few days introduce new members during dinners and ask people to get to know someone they don’t have a brief explanation after dinner, but before people leave, on dish bussing procedures, sign-up for late meals, etc Membership Meetings Having membership meetings is extremely important in running an efficient co-op and incorporating the democratic principles of decision making. It creates a sense of ownership and control that is imperative to building morale in the house. It is also a good time to resolve conflicts in the house and propose solutions and new ideas. Strategies: have a meeting early in the semester to consider problems and goals require attendance by all members have agendas posted before the meeting and open to member additions to give everyone an equal say in what’s discussed have a facilitator that is capable of keeping all members on track and keeping the meetings running smoothly give everyone an equal chance to discuss and present their issues in a positive environment Stories/Languages/Symbols Each community has its own subculture and language of sorts. Co-ops are no exception. To make new members feel like part of the community it is important to acclimate them to the culture that is in place and give them room to add their own energies and experiences. Strategies: write and publish a history and lexicon adopt a log, co-op symbols, co-op principles, and other culture building tools encourage gatherings (e.g. anniversary celebrations, etc.) which include alumni, where stories and continuity can be shared have educational functions where old members and alums can recount the history of the co-op adopt a vision statement for he co-op which sets forth the shared, underlying ideals Social and Recreational Programs The best way to get people involved and working together is to get them to hang out. Social gatherings are a great place to foster friendships and leave the space open for informal learning. By building connectins within the houses, it will help reduce the turnover rate and give people a sense of home and belonging. Strategies: parties team sports house recreation dinners
VEGAN POWER: Carbohydrates By Shae Charles Valko, Toad Lane
These would include sweet potatoes, whole grains, quinoa, oats, starchy vegetables, 100% whole wheat bread, and fruit. The fructose in fruits may be a simple carb, but it has a rather low glycemic index value. There two times where simple carbs are actually acceptable in the bodybuilding diet. The first is breakfast. This should be your largest meal of the day. It should be high in protein and carbs. When you sleep for 8 hours, your body essentially fasts for 8 straight hours. In the morning, you have to feed your body carbs and protein right away. I rush of simple carbs would actually be beneficial. The other time would be immediately after you workout. When weight training hard, your body uses up the glycogen stored in your muscles. If you don’t replenish your muscle glycogen fast, your body will start burning muscle protein for energy. This is why simple carbs are actually preferred for the vegan bodybuilder immediately following workouts. Stick to natural sources and avoid refined sugars altogether (because they are not vegan). Add a high glycemic carb, such as pure maple syrup, sucanat (pure cane sugar), or ripe bananas to your post-workout protein shake. Any other meal should be devoted to complex carbs. Carbohydrates have a bad reputation. Honestly, that reputation probably surfaced because most people over-eat simple sugars from candy, soda, and cookies while not getting sufficient exercise. However, carbohydrates are a bodybuilder’s best friend when it comes to keeping the body fueled. Below is a list of vegan
Alright, so we covered the most important nutrient in the vegan bodybuilder’s diet. However, it is critical that we don’t forget about the other two major macronutrients: carbohydrates and fats. These nutrients are just as important as protein. Let’s discuss these often overlooked nutrients. Everyone is under the impression that carbs will make them fat. While it is true that excess carbs will trigger an insulin spike, igniting the body’s fat-storing mechanisms. If the body doesn’t need carbs for energy, it will store the excess amounts as adipose tissue (i.e. body fat). That is why it is generally a common practice not to consume a meal high in carbohydrates right before you go to bed. When you consistently engage in highintensity weight training (at least 3-4 days a week), your body starts to become a carb furnace. Carbs are our bodies’ most efficient energy source. Remember that there are two phases in the bodybuilding program: bulking and cutting. When you’re bulking up, you just want to gain mass, with no real concern for fat gain. If you’re training properly and often, the majority of your gains will be in hard muscle. The cutting phase is when you start restricting your diet plan and controlling your caloric intake. I will be bulking throughout the rest of this year (calendar year). I will online my cutting diet next year when I begin that phase. The majority of your diet should consist of carbohydrates (contrary to what you might think). Usually bodybuilder carbohydrate sources. the recommended amount is 1.5-2 grams for every pound of your target bodyweight. If your goal is to reach 200 pounds, you should aim for about 400 grams Quinoa (ancient grain that has a complete amino acid proof carbs. Now don’t think for a second that this gives file) Whole Rolled Oats (oatmeal is one of the best breakfast you permission to eat shitty junk food (candy, ice cream, choices) cake, etc). Your diet should consist mostly of lowWhole grains glycemic, complex carbs that won’t cause that dreaded Sprouted grain or 100% whole wheat bread (BE CAREinsulin spike resulting in fat storage.
FUL: a lot of companies add molasses or brown sugar to their white bread and advertise it as wheat bread. Read labels carefully!) Potatoes (the sweet varieties and yams are best. Be sure to keep the skin on for its dietary fiber and antioxidant properties) Fruits (papaya, apples, pears, bananas*, mango, berries, etc.) Starchy vegetables All natural sweeteners (agave nectar, pure maple syrup*, sucanat) Wheatberries Brown rice
*- perfect high glycemic carbs for post-workout refueling. Remember my fellow vegans, train hard and eat plenty.
Some might say that growing up with one leg could be considered a challenge. Another might say that it?d be an honor. Now I wasn?t born with one leg, or even no legs at all but with a much greater challenge. I was born white. Yes, that?s right, I?m Caucasian. And a woman at that.
And it sucks. For example one lazy Sunday I go out. I drive up to the Sam?s Club and just want to buy an eight-pack box of Trix and some deodorant. But, I?m constantly accosted by old ladies in shower caps to try their ?free samples?. If there?s anything my Caucasian father taught me it?s that in this life there is no ? free?. So I kindly, politely declined several times. One time even, the lady hooked me into pleasant conversation and being my affable self offered that her mustard-stained teal apron matched her baggy, soulless eyes. I bid her good ?morrow and set anew on my trek to fill my cart with rich, conservative dietary supplements (to a healthy complete breakfast) such as the aforementioned Trix. This was not to be, as I washed my hands seven times in the white ladies room my cart was snatched by none other than a Hispanic woman and her eight dirty pre-pubescent children. Luckily for me I came prepared with chip bag clamps. Utilizing the awesome power of the clamps I forcibly stamped the rancid mongrels together by their dirt-staches. But this is not the entirety of me. This journey, this painful strife, I am not all hard. There is a side of me too that has experienced the pains of peerpressure and friendship. On another lazy Sunday my black friend Janet and I walked down the 7/11. Before we passed the dumpsters leading towards the building she grabbed my hand and pulled me aside. I immediately recoiled not being a woman who was roughly handled so and she spoke, ?Listen, I want to try something fun. Just follow along you?ll get the hang of it.? At the belligerent age of seventeen I thought I knew everything. I thought I could handle myself in any situation, and I was right. But how could I know, being so young, what was in store for Janet. We walked into the store and still to this day I?m amazed at the colorful setting of that particular retail chain. The lubricious stones and tiles leading you on a safari of multivariate candied adventures. But Janet wasted no time for the beauty of the white shelves heading straight towards the Slushee machine. Besides the pooling vats of sugar laid a rack of candy which she quickly forced into a cup. She whispered to me to do likewise, not knowing what was in store I grabbed a smaller cup. She fit almost eight dollars worth of luxury candied food-stuffs in that cup before filling it to the brim with black-raspberry-lemon-parade. I just chose a Twix bar and cherry, shaking uncontrollably with tears as I pushed down the lever. Janet got up to the counter gave the clerk a quick head nod acknowledgement to which he eyed her suspiciously. At first I thought it was because she was black but then I realized that the cup she had stuffed stolen goods into was 100% see-through clear. And besides that instead of getting a straw; a large beef jerky stuck out from the center. Now, though there are a lot of similarities between a stick of beef jerky and a Slushee straw they do look quite different. As his eyes lit up in fear, anger, and surprise (all the feelings a small convenience store clerk CAN feel) I bolted out of there weeping like Reese Witherspoon at an awards ceremony. For a split second between the door slamming behind me and my feet hitting the pavement red liquid squirting everywhere and the frozen Twix shattering in the dust I felt bad. I should?ve stood up for my friend, held my ground. But now that I?m so much older and wiser I know better. She needed the help that only a criminal record could bring. I could not provide that to her. And I am not so selfish to assume that I would deny her of the privilege of self-discovery and go with her for the ride. No, this was her own journey. And that was my journey of friendship. And friendship is but one of the many struggles I as a white, female face. It?s like John Lennon said, ?Woman are the n*****s of the world.? Now at face value that sounds quite offensive. But at the end of the day all we have is the reflection in the mirror. And if you cheat that girl in the glass, at the end of it all, you?ll have but yourself to blame. So anyway I was watching Saturday Night Live in my apartment on the corner of Oakland and Parkview and i sat there thinking what would Lisa do. For you see my cat, an albino tarton sat there staring at me inquisitively. Now any other day I would not be concerned from such TYPICAL cat behavior. But...that's not all she did. She stared at me with locked eyes as I sat on my grey water sofa with mahogany trim and oak inlets and I swear...I swear my cat did a backflip. And I sat there thinking...that didn't happen. That could never happen. But she did it again...my cat, did a backflip and landed four pawed on my yellow shag carpet about 3.2 meters away from the red wine stain that looked exactly like Kate Beckingsale that occured at the Christmas party last December when Uncle Ernie tripped on the red/green/blue lights and then Aunt Edna with concern leaned up and this asshole spilled red wine on the carpet. So there I was dazed and confused in red corduroy pants and a velvet vest that didn't quite fit and I asked myself...what would Lisa do?
Submitted by Lisa Ossian, Bower
The Benefits of Anxiety or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Accept the Bedbug Erin Wisti, Vesta In Isaac Singer’s The Certificate, bedbugs bite the protagonist, David Bedinger, one night when he is lodging at the home of communist radicals. “Why,” he asks, “don’t they get rid of the bedbugs instead of providing the world with a revolution?” Set in 1922, the novel takes place just a few short decades before most developed countries were virtually ridden of the bed bugs due to the introduction DDT, a pesticide used in the United States and Europe after World War II. Subsequently banned due to its devastating effect on the environment, our friend, the bed bug, is again on the rise and an unwelcome guest in my co-op, Vesta. This leaves me qualified to answer Mr. Bedinger’s question: David, capitalism is much more concerning threat than a bedbug, which won’t do much more than leave you with some bumps on your arm. You’ve got more important things to worry about than such a benign threat. Now, replace the word, “capitalism” with “certain pesticides.” Sounds like a pretty reasonable argument as to why people should stop acting like Vesta is unsafe, unsanitary, or inhabitable due to our six-legged visitors, right? Wrong. While we like to think otherwise, human beings are rarely rational and, as someone whose generalized anxiety disorder makes her diagnostically irrational, I’m more able than most to acknowledge my occasional lapses in judgment. As someone who has to stop ten times a day and think, “Is this really worth getting upset over?”, I can tell you that Vesta’s bedbugs are not and I’d like to correct a number of misconceptions that I’m sick of hearing about my house’s problem. Misconception 1: Vesta’s bedbugs mean the house is dirty. False. Vesta has bedbugs because they’re on the rise across the world. As previously stated, the introduction of DDT into our ecosystem diminished insect populations, not the least of which was the bedbug. Since DDT’s ban in the 1970’s, bedbug populations have been steadily increasing. A recent study conducted by the University of Kentucky found that 95% of US and international pest control agencies reported bedbug infestations in 2010, a sharp increase from the 20% rate reported in 2000. In recent years, bedbugs have popped up in clothing stores, hotels, college dormitories, apartment complexes, and suburban homes. And these little buggers are not the effect of unclean environments. If any entity (person, animal, piece of furniture, clothing, etc.) containing bedbugs enters a home, an infestation will occur. It doesn’t matter if your lodgings are more immaculate than the conception of Christ. If they get in, they get in, and you’ve got bedbugs. Misconception 2: Treating bedbugs requires copious amounts of aggressive chemicals. False. Yes, bedbugs are difficult to get rid of, but one doesn’t need to resort to intense chemical treatments to kill the bastards. Vesta has been sprayed twice this year for bedbugs, with a relatively safe insecticide, and there’s a damn good reason we’re wary of harsher treatments. You know why we don’t use DDT anymore? A little book called Silent Spring by Ra-
chel Carson that chronicled the horrendous effects DDT had on the environment, causing the deaths of millions of birds and partially responsible for diminished bald eagle populations. In fact, due to the overuse of this chemical, everyone one of us has DDT in our system as trace amounts are still in the environment today. Yes, there are chemicals now labeled as “safe”, but one has to be very careful with what product they’re using. For decades, DDT was pitted to the US population as the be-allend-all cure for any kind of pest control, multiple ads marketed towards children that proclaim, “DDT is good for me!” alongside hoards of dancing fruits and vegetables. Even Dr. Seuss promoted its use, doing a series of ads with his trademark illustrations that referred to DDT as, “the flit.” After it was legalized for personal use, the overuse of DDT lead to Americans garnering unreasonable expectations for bug-free environments and spotless fruits and veggies, forgetting people have been safely cohabitating with insects for centuries. Now, this means a threat as benign as bedbugs can lead to harsh, needless, and potentially toxic chemicals sprays. Given DDT’s history, how can we be so sure that our modern pesticides don’t have now unseen effects? Some evidence is even surfacing now that we’re over doing it with chemicals. A recent study published in Newsweek reported that, due to too many chemicals, 24% of peaches and 8% of apples sold in the US might be harmful for a child’s developing brain. If that’s the case, I don’t know about you, but I’d cut back on the chemicals and learn to live with more mosquitoes, flies, and bedbugs in my home. Then again, perhaps keeping my home chemical free doesn’t have to mean getting my blood siphoned in the night by six-legged intruders. There are many natural cures for bedbugs. Lavender, thyme, and tea tree on bed linens can kill the pests. Food-grade diatomaceous earth spread over an infected area is also a successful method. Simply heating a contaminated entity over 120 degrees Fahrenheit can also do the trick, a feat easily accomplished by stuffing your sheets in a clothes dryer. I would gladly try any of these solutions before I resorted to intense chemical treatment.
Miconception 3: Bedbugs are a major cause for concern. Alright, I’ll admit it. I know what being irrational is like. Believe me, I empathize with those who have an unreasonable phobia of bedbugs and would never judge them for it. I’m the girl who thought she caught rabies, a virus that’s only affected 36 US citizens since 1980, from hanging out with a friend who was bitten by a squirrel on a college campus that hasn’t found one case of rabies in squirrels since its founding in 1855. This friend went to the doctor and asked if she should get a shot but, considering these statistics, they claimed it would be both excruciatingly painful and a waste of money as her chances of contracting the disease was so low it was virtually impossible. Not to mention rabies is most commonly transmitted via bites, and while transmission through non-bite exposure is not unheard of, it is extremely rare, and rabies certainly cannot be transmitted simply from hanging around someone with the disease. Nevertheless, I remembered lying in my bed in the fetal positions thinking I was about to lose my motor skills and then slowly slip into delirium. While most people would find the above scenario ridiculous, the fact remains we all, diagnostically anxious or not, have our little irrationalities. It’s just that most people’s irrationalities extend to feeling queasy around insects and not lingering fears of contracting rare and exotic diseases. It’s far easier for others to recognize and address my illogicalities as they’re less common and others are less likely to share my sentiments. For example, far more people feel my fear of moths is justified than feel my inability to have physical contact with dirty napkins is a reasonable worry. Yet, both moths and used napkins are fairly benign. Almost every day, I stumble across an imagined symptom of a rare disease, and have to quietly pick apart my worry to see whether or not I’m being reasonable. It’s what I had to do with the bedbug bites I discovered over the summer, and I found their cause was nothing to fear. Bedbugs don’t spread disease, they’re not poisonous, and ninety percent of the time the marks they leave don’t even lead to scarring. Bedbugs are an annoying pain in the ass, but they’re not dangerous, and certainly not as dangerous as the methods people will sometimes take to get rid of them. In short, what I’m trying to say is, I sympathize with those (in and out of my house) who are nauseated with the idea of sharing sleeping quarters with these creepy-crawly bloodsuckers. And I’m not asking anyone to instantaneously snap out of these fears, because I know how difficult irrationalities are to overcome. But, to put it in laymen’s terms, don’t be a dick about it, especially those who don’t live here. Don’t treat my house like it’s unsanitary (it’s not) and try to at least examine your aversion to the bed bug. If you do, I think you’ll find that letting the bed bugs bite isn’t the end of the world.
Seriously, me expecting anyone to quickly overcome a phobia would be like Rick Sanchez calling someone a bigot. Oh, wait…
We may have all come on different ships, but we're in the same boat now.
Chelsea Champlin, Beal
You already knew what time it is. This installment of the Pine Press will be supplemented by my article relating First Aid/Emergency Preparedness. So if you are thinking to yourself, “What possible situations would I ever need to be prepared for living in a co-op?” The answer is rape. Michigan State University, though nestled in the sleepy town of East Lansing, has a problem, a big problem. The problem isn’t rape itself, but the number of girls and guys “just asking for it.” If you’re reading out there and you’re saying to yourself, “I ask for it all the time” and you’re freaking out because what is wrong with you? Why can’t I ever have any luck? You’re not alone. Thousands of MSU’s finest, and by that I mean not finest, go out every weekend waiting for rape. The decision may not be conscious, but they are emitting “rape me” signals. So yes, Becky, look at her butt, it is so round and juicy; but remember this, that butt is going to look like ground beef the night after Halloween because Sarah is a goddamn whore and was like probably gonna hook up with this guy anyways, but then she passed out and woke up to a mutilated backside. Yes. That happens. In fact, at Michigan State the number one scenario for legal definitions of rape involve a student, passed out but clearly asking for it, waking up the next morning feeling used, dirty and having the taste of dirty sock in their mouth. A night where the rape statistics increase tenfold is the wonderful night of Halloween. Fun for most. Not for those who get raped. Most legal definitions of rape that are reported at MSU are not the type of rape where a man dominates a woman with brute force leading to an emotional and psychological scarring that is often permanent (for help with situations like those visit https://www.msu.edu/~sdclub/ resources.htm). Most Halloween victims have similar stories. The victims wake up the next morning, sore in the downstairs, looks at the Popeye, fireman, mermaid, Lady Gaga next to them and a terrible case of instant and severe
nausea. After the violent projectile vomit wakes up their partner, whose name is still unknown, the victim says to themselves “I didn’t…I didn’t…” and then, getting a closer look, “I did it, damnit but there’s no way it was consensual.” So you’ve heard how many of the reported rape cases end, but how do they begin and how can you prevent it? Firstly, be something tasteful for Halloween, how about a skipper on a boat? The Morton salt girl? That girl looks like she knows how to party. Second, be aware of who the fuck you were flirting with and know it’s not funny to lead someone on all night and then be surprised when they are asking you back to their place and your head feels funny and their voice is so soothing. No. Pull it together, make smart decisions, have a buddy and stay aware as long as possible about who you’re with and making it clear before the end of the night that you’re not available. Keep your minds clear and your hoo-hahs and ding-dongs safe. Remember: Rape is a terrible, but unfortunately, a pretty common occurrence in colleges. Be respectful of your peers, the people you mash on all night long at Hedrick, and yourselves and you can hopefully successfully avoid any encounter with rape. Kam Offehauser, Hedrick
HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR DRUNK ASS FRIEND Shelley Hoover OHAUUUSSSS We have all been in that situation were one of our friends, whether they are Sally Drunkwhore or Virginia Virgin, has gotten so drunk they are about to a) die or b) get raped. I’m no doctor, or someone to take medical advice from, but I feel people REALLY DO tend to ignore this person at the party and that we should all be a little more aware. SO! I purged the interwebs for some advice and compiled a short list of things we should all look out for, when to put your friend to bed or when to take them to the emergency room. PLUS. I would hate for the co-ops to get a rep for being an unsafe place to party – so let’s do all we can to PREVENT an awful situation from happening. Think of some kid talking to his friend. Johnny’s like “hey, we should go party at ____ co-op. “ and Jane responds “Ew no, I don’t want to get raped, that house is really nasty .” WE DON’T WANT TO BE THAT HOUSE!!!! When to stop someone from drinking more: -THEY WALK STUPIDLY. If you can make fun of how they walk, stop them!!
-THEY SOUND STUPID. If you are laughing at how stupid they sound, stop them!! *TIP - You can get away with giving someone who is very drunk soft drinks, hand them a coke, claim it contains vodka. *This one is tough, because drunk people are really really funny. And we all know someone who is a super entertaining drunk. And there is a fine line of when people really are acting too stupid and need to stop. Use your best judgment. If anything, stage 2 is pretty obvious so don’t worry about catching them there. When to take someone home: -VOMING. The line “once I vom I’ll be alright” is a LIE. Take them home. They’ve had enough. Their body is violently rejecting what they’re putting in it, they don’t need more. (maybe this one belongs in stage 1, depending on the level of vomiting) -THEY’RE PERFORMING SEXUAL ACTS IN PUBLIC. Seriously. Unless your friend happens to be the hugest whore ever, I don’t think they would want to be fingered in public by a stranger. Making out doesn’t count, and be a bud, don’t cock-block, but make sure that they really do want to do the deed before they go home with someone. *TIP - If a person is lying down when they begin to heave/vomit place them in the recovery position (on their side with the higher knee bent) to prevent choking. When to take someone to an emergency room: -SLOW BREATHING. If breathing becomes slow (8 breaths per minute or less) and they are unresponsive to being prodded and pinched firmly this suggests alcohol poisoning -ALSO. Blue lips, rapid pulse and cold clammy hands/ feet are also possible signs. -DON’T BE AFRAID TO CALL 911. If no one can drive, CALL 911! The worst that can happen to a house is a fine/some minors MAY get a MIP (which really really sucks for them, but I think they would take it if it means someone’s life was saved.) And the party is over. AGAIN, This is a pretty barebones list. You’re not stupid, use your best judgment. I guess what I’m saying is let’s all try to not ignore that person who really truly does need to be stopped and helped. Even if it means ruining your good night, don’t worry, there will be more to come. Being the good Samaritan is being the cool kid!
Kick-Ass Animal of the week! Adele Wunsch, New Community Great news fellow co-opers! The kick ass animal of the week is back. This week our featured animal is the Aye-aye. Aye-aye (Daubentonia madagascariensis) is a strepsirrhine native to Madagascar that combines rodent-like teeth with a long, thin middle finger to fill the same ecological niche as a woodpecker. It is the world's largest nocturnal primate, and is characterized by its unique method of finding food; it taps on trees to find grubs, then gnaws holes in the wood and inserts its elongated middle finger to pull the grubs out. Don't get him wet, keep him out of bright light, and never feed him after midnight.
Crip in a Co-op Part One Kirsten Peninger So, I’m a crip. As a cripple, I get to call myself. If you’re able-bodied, you do not. Call me crippled, and I will smack you. Just so you know. To be more specific, I have a mobility disability which makes it difficult for me to walk or stand for a long period of time, and I have a chronic pain condition, which means I am in pain 24/7. I haven’t had a pain free second since I was sixteen. The point of writing this, however, is not to discuss my disabilities. The point is to explain what it is to live with disabilities and also to live in a co-op, where you need to be a participating member, contribute, and be involved in everything. For the able-bodied, who generally don’t understand living with disabilities on a general level, it may be even harder to grasp in a co-op setting. For example, the co-op that I live in the summer requires a work-exchange for room and board. Some of the member’s work-exchange involves intense labor, like building new cabins or hauling logs to the beach. I sit in a kitchen and chop vegetables all day. A fellow member once complained to me that I wasn’t doing as much work as them, and that I was getting an easy path “because you’re a girl.” No, I wasn’t. To each according to their ability. I walk with a cane and some days I cannot walk. Some days I’m too exhausted from pain to leave my bed. I cannot build cabins or haul logs. I cannot work in the sun all day, like for garden work. The people at co-op knew this, and knew that chopping vegetables all day long would exhaust me—it was literally the full extent of what I could give. Some people could build cabins all day and come to supper feeling like they’d given their all; some, like me, chop vegetables and know they’ve poured all their energy into it. This is what it is to be disabled in a co-op. You give what you can. It may not seem as much as other members, but it is what we have. A person who has a social anxiety disorder may not socialize as much or attend big parties, but maybe they have a few key conversations everyday. They aren’t being anti-social; they’re giving what they can. A person may miss doing their chore that week; it could be that person is lazy, or it could be that they had disease flare up, and they became too ill to attend to their chore. Ask before you fine them. You may have someone in your co-op who is a veritable Wonder Human- they cook, they clean, they volunteer for everything. And then there is the person who steadfastly does their single job that’s relatively minor, and you sigh in exasperation, because it’s so small while Wonder Human busts their hump to bring the co-op together. Wonder Human is awesome, no doubt; so is the other person, who is giving all they can while recognizing the lengths they can go before their body can’t go anymore.
Able-bodied people, listen up: you don’t know our bodies. You don’t know our limits, and you don’t know our ranges. You may not even know if we’re disabled, because we don’t always tell you. It may not be your business. We live in a co-op, and we probably take that seriously. But you gotta take us seriously. You gotta know we’re giving everything we can within our ability to do so. And so if we ask you to take us off the dishwashing list, talk to us. We probably know what we’re talking about. If we need to switch to a different chore, it’s likely that it is causing some sort of havoc with our disability, and the other chore will cause us less pain, less upset. If we suggest something change to the house, it may help us live easier; we’re members too, and you need to help accommodate our disabilities, which is not the same as accommodating our wishes and desires. We can always find alternatives and substitutes that are better suited to our needs. We are not just trying to get out of something. It’s merely that the previous “something” was hurting us. Take the time to talk with us. We generally don’t bite, unless you act like a jerk. Friendly warning. And please, understand: We’re not lazy; we’re not disabled. Don’t you dare confuse the two. I welcome any additional thoughts by people who have mental or emotional disabilities in particular, and of course additional thoughts by others who have physical disabilities.
Here's my brief synopsis of the Board's last meeting: The most recent Board of Directors meeting was, thank Ford, much shorter than the last. Here's what happened: - Comrade Patrick spearheaded a campaign to create an Investment Committee. You've all received emails about it already, but if you're interested... get in touch with him. - We solved our most annoying problem from the first meeting: redefining Bek and Keith's standing so that all future Executive Directors and Financial Managers will get benefits as we intended. - Fixed a bit of accounting trouble from when the assessment was increased from $297 to $300? Or, more importantly, this was when I started drawing burning buildings over the proposals and began sending pictures of Julia and Leah to her cell phone. - Passed a budget. - Decided that Chris doesn't need help in the office, and that hiring people wouldn't be a good move. Our first failed motion! <3 Brendan LaCroix, Ferency
Philosophy on Responsibility and Safety By: Kimberly Harris Raft Hill Usually in Philosophical discourse, issues in safety often arise with notions on responsibility. What are our responsibilities? Is it my responsibility to be careful? Most would agree, in cases were others are involved, it is certainly an obligation to be careful. However, it is often not this cut and dry in philosophical discourse because the highly infamous topic of obligations to others often is brought up and is highly controversial. Is it actually a duty of mine to be careful for the safety of others? Most people are prompted to answer yes to such an obvious question. However, the actions you engage in as daily routine maybe harming others. For example, taking long showers on the surface appears to be a rather neutral activity. It does not follow from this that some person in the world or in the future will not be harmed from your long shower taking. This is the reasoning used by many Ethicists. They are prompted to claim, as humans we cannot out right identify what sorts of duties we have, especially on the safety of others we have no direct relation to. This is to ensure that you do not misconstrue the argument but spacial relationships are at the heart of what these ethical skeptics are concerned with. For example, a person has drunk excessive amounts of alcohol and decides to drive a vehicle. The ethical skeptic would not claim that such actions are okay. The skeptic wants to say in cases where it is easily conceivable for another person to be harmed/ self to be harmed then these actions are not okay. However, actions that would not usually conceive of another being harmed (e.g. taking a shower in general) then these sorts of safety issues are not our duties. In the Co-op system, we are directly related and therefore we can set ethical boundaries to keep ourselves and our housemates safe. Safety is a responsibility to our neighbors and our own person. At least this seems to be a appropriate argument for the co-operative system.
FIRE SAFETY by Roxanne Kieme, Miles Davis Fire safety can prevent your wonderful living space from going up in flames. Each housemate can do small things to ensure safety in your home. Make sure at your next meeting to establish fire escape plans from each common area, as well as from each individual living space. Make an effort to check your fire alarms monthly to ensure that they are working. There should be a fire alarm (if not more) on each level of the house with working batteries. Also make sure that all exit signs are easily visible, especially if you live in a house with a lot of people. Prevent fires in the kitchen: Keep an eye on cooking at all times. Don’t leave your food on the stove or in the oven unattended. Keep your kitchen clean! Make sure to clean the stove after use, especially to prevent grease build up. Make sure pan and pot handles are not hanging over the edge when cooking. Oh no! Fire in the kitchen: CALL 911! Grease or oil fires: place plan lid over flames, turn off the heat, and leave the lid in place until the pan is cool. Other food fires: put out with baking soda. NEVER flour or water. Oven fires: Keep oven door shut and turn heat off. Keep a fire extinguisher in the kitchen. Make sure it’s good for a kitchen ad easy to use. Prevent fires in the bedroom (the non-exciting kind) Most electrical fires happen in the bedroom. Keep electrical cords away from wall where heat can build up. Keep clothes, curtains, and furniture away from space heaters. Don’t smoke in bed. Get new mattresses! If it was made before 2007, it may not pass the Federal Mattress Flammability Standard. > You can visit the City of East Lansing website for more information on regulations and safety precautions in our community. “City of East Lansing” http://www.cityofeastlansing.com/Home/ Departments/Fire/SafetyTips/
Top 10 Ways to be Safe if YOU are Stuck in a Horror Movie Situation By Tobias Roth, Bower Hello fellow co-opers, hope everything is going well. Better beware, Halloween is coming up fairly soon and since the topic of the issue is safety I thought it would be good to give you guys some safety tips for Halloween time or when encountering monsters of the night. I looked around online and found these and compiled my own list of the 10 best, so enjoy. Oh and I would give credit to the person who came up with these originally but this is what followed the list online “I am sorry to report that the author of these Halloween Safety Tips has not been seen since he went camping at Camp Crystal Lake. Once he returns we will give him proper credit.� Enjoy and Stay Safe! 1. When it appears that you have killed
the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead. 2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke. 3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone
out. 4. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off or go alone. Hit the first person that says, "Let's split up." 5. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell. It's just not that fun. 6. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits; just get out. 7. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead. 8. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around. 9. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately. 10. Beware of strangers bearing tools. For example: chain saws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawn mowers, butane torches, sol-
How to Survive Anything Stephanie DiPonio Avalon Ever wondered how to get out quicksand? Or what to do when a parachute doesn’t open? Or how to get out of your car is sinking in water? Then you should check out The Worst Case Survival Handbook, which gives you steps (including pictures) on how to deal with pretty much any situation you can think of. Hopefully you won’t ever have to know how to survive machine gun fire from a passing car or how to fight mountain lions, sharks, or grizzly bears (without any weapons) but this book is filled with instructions on how to deal with all type of situations like these and will keep you prepared for pretty much anything. The Worst Case Survival Handbook is a must read for anyone who wants to be prepared for any type of situation. There are The Worst Case Survival Handbooks for travel, parenting, weddings, college, dating and sex, golf, life, holidays, and work so there is a lot of different areas you can learn survival tips for. If books aren’t your thing, there are also board games, calendars, and TV shows. And just in case you do need to know how escape from quicksand you will need to lay a pole on the surface of the quicksand, flop on your back atop the pole, and pull your legs out one by one. If your parachute doesn’t open even though your likely to break both your legs and dislocate your shoulders, hook your arms through the straps of a fellow jumper's chute. Lastly, if your car is sinking in water open the windows to equalize pressure and open the car door to swim to the surface.
Yo Yo Yo I like girls They be on my nuts like a bunch of little squirrels I like girls with big boobies Cop a couple feels when I take her to the movies Watchin' UP in 3-D We be So invisible you can't see me Speaking of invisible shit like Casper and Jay-Z may be my favorite Rapper I like to greet girls with the motherfuckin' claw And I'm so fuckin' seasoned you can call me fall I like to hit clits and jizz on big tits girls blowin' up my celly causin' mischief
Lisa Ossian, Bower
nick... is that you? i'm so excited for this pine press, levi <3 first aid
MEDITATIONS IN AN EMERGENCY
By Frank O'Hara Submitted by Warren Peace, Elsworth House [Since 1940] Am I to become profligate as if I were a blonde? Or religious as if I were French?
makes me restless and that makes me unhappy, but I cannot keep them still. If only i had grey, green, black, brown, yellow eyes; I would stay at home and do something. It's not that I'm curious. On the contrary, I am bored but it's my duty to be attentive, I am needed by things as the sky must be above the earth. And lately, so great has _their_ anxiety become, I can spare myself little sleep.
Now there is only one man I like to kiss when he is unshaven. HeteroEach time my heart is broken it makes sexuality! you are inexorably apme feel more adventurous (and how proaching. (How best discourage her?) the same names keep recurring on that interminable list!), but one of these St. Serapion, I wrap myself in the days there'll be nothing left with which robes of your whiteness which is like to venture forth. midnight in Dostoevsky. How I am to become a legend, my dear? I've tried Why should I share you? Why don't love, but that holds you in the bosom you get rid of someone else for a of another and I'm always springing change? forth from it like the lotus--the ecstasy of always bursting forth! (but one must I am the least difficult of men. All I not be distracted by it!) or like a hyawant is boundless love. cinth, "to keep the filth of life away," yes, even in the heart, where the filth Even trees understand me! Good is pumped in and slanders and polheavens, I lie under them, too, don't I? lutes and determines. I will my will, I'm just like a pile of leaves. though I may become famous for a mysterious vacancy in that departHowever, I have never clogged myself ment, that greenhouse. with the praises of pastoral life, nor with nostalgia for an Destroy yourself, if you don't know! innocent past of perverted acts in pastures. No. One It is easy to be beautiful; it is difficult to need never leave the appear so. I confines of New York to get all the admire you, beloved, for the trap greenery one wishes--I can't even en- you've set. It's like a joy a blade of grass unless i know final chapter no one reads because there's a subway handy, or a record the plot is over. store or some other sign that people do not totally _regret_ life. It is more "Fanny Brown is run away--scampered important to affirm the least sincere; off with a Cornet of Horse; I do love the clouds get enough attention as it is that little Minx, & hope She may be and even they continue to pass. Do happy, tho' She has vexed me by this they know what they're missing? exploit a little too.--Poor silly CecUh huh. china! or F:B: as we used to call her.--I wish She had a good Whipping and My eyes are vague blue, like the sky, 10,000 pounds."--Mrs. Thrale and change all the time; they are indiscriminate but fleeting, entirely specific I've got to get out of here. I choose a and disloyal, so that no one trusts me. piece of shawl and my dirtiest suntans. I am always looking away. Or again at I'll be back, I'll re-emerge, defeated, something after it has given me up. It from the valley; you don't want me to
The Complete Guide to Vaginal Health Though I’m no doctor, I’ve seen between nine and 15 vaginas, depending on how you look at it and who you ask. Now, I’ve compiled a list of the top six things you’ll want to keep an eye and maybe your nose out for if you currently, or else are looking to own a vagina. Disclaimer: Plannedparenthood.org states that, “STDs are very common. They often do not cause any symptoms.” Really this means that you probably already have one, or else you will. In fact, if you look to your left, and then to your right, the person on the right either has an STD, or will get one from the person on your left. With that said, here is the list. Chlamydia: You can’t spell “chlamydia” without the word “chlam,” which is probably slang for vagina. I’ll take that to mean that only girls get and/or give Chlamydia. It’s the most popular STD, and nobody knows what it is or why it’s bad. It’s probably not even a disease. Gonorrhea: Usually referred to as “The Clap,” this particular disease has given me the auspicious nickname “The Applause” in my close circle of friends, family, colleagues, and professors. I could tell you what it looks like, but I’d probably lose any chance at seeing it again. However, Albert Einstein once described it as “Ewww.” Syphilis: Although Syphilis is known as the most beautiful name a girl can have, this particular disease is known to pick-pocket even the most resilient of ham wallets. It’s most common symptom is bat-shit craziness, which explains a lot, but it can manifest itself in more mild forms. So if you’ve ever had any symptoms of schizophrenia, ever yelled at your best friend, argued with your parents in the last eight years, forgotten to do homework, or felt any kind of sexual urge, you have Syphilis. Trichomoniasis: Nobody has ever heard of this disease, and only girls get it. The symptom is described as a “frothy discharge,” which sounds awful, but is rumored to taste like a soothing blend of chamomile and honey. Crabs: This STD is only transferrable through a shameful and particularly painful brand of bestiality. You know if you’re at risk. Herpes: Herpes is a viral STD that is transferred form skin-to-skin, skin-totoilet seat, backto- back, or toilet seatto-toilet seat. There were formerly two known strands of Herpes: HSV1 and HSV2, but recently scientists have discovered a third strand, known as HSV Eclipse, and will most likely be followed by HSV Breaking Dawn, but only to prolong and feed off of the commercial success of the previous three. In conclusion, wrap that shit up and get checked regularly. Seriously. It’s part of respecting yourself, your partner, and your community. M. Revers, Ferency
This is not one of our houses
But it could happen to YOU! Do:
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Check Fire Alarms • And smoke detectors Put out Cigarette Butts Attend Candles and Incense
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Keep Heaters uncovered
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Submit to the Pine Press
pinepress@gnail.com
Smoke in your bed, or Room Disable fire suppression systems (cover detectors) Start fires indoors Leave candles unattended Not submit to the pine press