the pine press
volume 42, issue 5
Submissions are always welcome. education@msu.coop
§ If you have ideas for events, please tell your house Education Officer or contact the Vice President of Education, Brendan LaCroix. We’ll make it happen.
Table of Contents 1.
Dan Mikolajczyk, Hillsdale
2. Thanksgiving bz, Ferency 3. ANDROO LUVKRFT Andrew Schireson, Elsworth 4. “Fellow Co-opers…” Korey Hurni, Board of Directors 5. Michael Jordan Dan Mikolajczyk, Hillsdale 6–9. Sustainable cycles Toni Craige and Sarah Konner, friends from NASCO Institute 10–11. Self-reflection amid the Penn State scandal Seth Zundel, Orion 12. Zolton Faygoncy Maria Brundage, Ferency 13. The Best Worst Coloring Utensil Rachel Barth, Miles Davis 14–15. Omegle Darin Kern, Toad Lane 16.
Sonja Trierweiler, Vesta
17. Thanksgiving food that looks like other food Rachel Barth, Miles Davis 18. oh! bold blanket fort! Kevin Lynch, Bower
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Ah, Thanksgiving – the one day a year where we are encouraged to formally vocalize the things we are thankful for. This year, as in every year, I am thankful for my family, my friends, my education, my car, my hair, my white privilege, Starbucks’ gingerbread lattes, housemates who refill the toilet paper, the fact that I don’t own a cat – the list goes on and on. But really, to be completely honest, the number one thing I am thankful for this year is Swamp People. Yes, Swamp People. The greatest television show that I have ever wasted my time watching. Seriously though, it is fantastic. In the past couple months of my life, I have had nothing better to look forward to than this show. This show has opened up a new world to me – an exciting, mysterious and sometimes scary look at an America I had never known before. So, above all other things, I am most thankful for my hour on Thursday evenings that I am able to travel to the Bayou’s of Louisiana and witness something truly remarkable. BZ
How can you NOT fall in love with these faces?
“’Das a big gatah!” 2
~*~ANDROO LUVKRFT~*~ TWITTER: @_droo
5. #ThingsLongerThanKimsMarriage SHARIA LAW WILL RULE AMERICA FOR A THOUSAND YEARS 4. THIS MOVIE IS RATED PG FOR “PRETTY GAY” 3. Exotic Knife Vids, XXX Knife Pix, 18+ Blade Babes 2. “Hey what’s up this is Steve-O and I’m about to eat all these pennies.” 1. DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR DISNEY CARTOON FANFIC!! A REAL “PROUD FAMILY” EATS DINNER TOGETHER, YOUNG LADY!
~*~ AN ILLEGAL STORY 18+ ONLY ~*~ My STUPID/Gay/Weird STEP-DAD (jeff) just took away my Beyblades and my ticket to Skrillex all because he found my illegal kush!!! He didn’t even find my actual unlawful budz, he just found pictures on my Motorola RAZR. Anyway, what I’m asking from you plebes is if I can borrow your Beyblade set and definitely not your ILLEGAL DANK KUSH CALI BUDZ. I need ur Beyblade so I can compete in and win the competition at Living Rock Christian Men’s Co-op. Once those BeyBABES see my BeyBlade skillz, trophy and pube mound, I’ll be JNCO jorts deep in co-op slizz. Lessons I’ve learned from this experience: -BeyBlades are a great way to meet hot babes with big boobs -Creed is the best BeyBlade training music -KUSH IS AN ILLEGAL AND IMMORAL DRUG AND ANYONE WHO USES IT OR GETS CAUGHT DESERVES TO BE PUNISHED TO THE FULLEST EXTENT OF JEFF’S AUTHORITY. 3
Dear Co-Opers So, yeah, I kind of forgot about Pinot Prose. Hmm. I don’t really have any business to relate. Oh! Bowie Thanksgiving is coming up soon! November 20th. It’s the Sunday before actual Thanksgiving. Be there. I also missed NASCO, so I can’t even report on that. Why I do write these things? I’d like to think that question has more existential weight than it actually does. Been reading some Maruice Merleau-Ponty. Kevin of Bower knows what’s up. Joe Urda of Bowie is brewing hard delicious cider. He just put more yeast in. Trying to get that ABV to 8%. Yeah. He’s probably the best co-oper out there. Has our best interest in mind. Fuck. Is this semester over yet? ~ Korey Hurni
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Sustainable Cycles Our Project: Over a lifetime, the average woman spends about 2,000 dollars on single-use pads and tampons, creating an enormous truckload of trash. There are more affordable and sustainable options that very few people seem to know about. We left Seattle on bikes August 18th, and arrived in LA on October 10th, and will be continuing this work off-bicycle in the coming months. Along the way we are meeting women, community organizers, health professionals, business owners, and people of all stripes, and having conversations about the benefits of reusable menstrual products. For this project, we have been focusing on reusable menstrual cups—made of natural gum rubber latex or medical-grade silicon; they catch, rather than absorb menstrual flow. One cup costs $35 and can last up to 10 years—quite a deal. There are three companies that sell menstrual cups in the US, all approved as safe by the FDA. Each company has donated cups, totaling over 200, for us to give as gifts along the way. We also have a small number of reusable pads to give away. There are powerful environmental impacts from this lifestyle switch and also important health benefits. For every woman who leaves behind single-use disposable pads and tampons, you can imagine a truckload of trash not going into the landfills, the decreased carbon footprint from production and shipping of these products, the trees saved, and all of the environmental toxins not going into our air, water, and bodies. The Trouble with Disposables (Pads and Tampons): Conventional pads and tampons are made of chlorine-bleached wood pulp, with some cotton (generally grown with tons of pesticides), rayon, plastic, and glue mixed in. They also contain bleach and dioxins, carcinogenic chemicals that are harmful to your body and to the environment. The vagina - wet, warm, and porous - seems like the last place you’d want those chemicals. Tampons, especially the super absorbent kinds, can create a perfect breeding ground for Toxic Shock Syndrome, caused by the deadly bacteria known as Staph (Staphylococcus aureus). These disposable products are not easily biodegradable, which is why they often clog septic systems, and long outstay their welcome in our oceans and landfills.
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Sarah and Toni Bicycle Down the West Coast, Live on $4 a Day, and Talk to People about Sustainable Menstrual Products
The most immediate concern for many women is the cost of single-use products, every month, until menopause. Pads and tampons are an economic burden on all women, BUT prove especially difficult for low-income women, since they are not covered by food stamps. The Scoop on Reusables: Single-use, disposable products are a relatively new lifestyle: the first disposable pads came out in 1896, and the first tampons were introduced in 1933. Before the mass production of reusable cloth pads in the 1800s, your period didn’t cost you anything. Women made their own cloth pads or used wool, moss, softened papyrus, or sea sponges – basically, whatever was around. These days, the most popular reusable products are menstrual cups, reusable cloth pads, and sea sponges. One company, the Keeper began mass-producing menstrual cups in the 1980s. These days, there are three brands approved for sale in the United States: the Keeper, DivaCup, and Lunette. Like tampons, they give women freedom of movement and help them live their lives uninterrupted. You can run, bike, swim, stand on your head, you name it. A menstrual cup hold about an ounce of blood (the average woman’s entire flow is 2-4 ounces). This means that women have to empty the cup less frequently than they would change a tampon. Since the cup is non-absorbent, it is easy to clean with soap and water. Using a menstrual cup puts a woman in more intimate contact with her body: she needs to figure out the mechanics of inserting and removing the cup, and sees the color and consistency of her menstrual fluid each time she empties the cup. Once you get over the learning curve, cups seems easier, more hygienic, and believe it or not, less gross than pads and tampons. Many users come to value the increased knowledge of their body and cycle that they get from their cup. Contact lenses make a great analogy: at first people are worried about touching their eye, or may experience some irritation as they figure out the best way to put the lenses in. Quickly, however, most people develop an easy routine around their contacts, and it’s no big deal.
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Once thoroughly explained, most people see this switch as a “no-brainer.” Many eco-friendly lifestyle changes are cost-prohibitive (organic food) or time-intensive (hang-drying clothing instead of using the dryer). Menstrual cups have a huge ecological and health benefit, while also saving money, and simplifying a woman’s life: you never have to buy pads and tampons again, you never have to remember to put them in your purse. We are all constantly bombarded with little things to do to help the environment. It’s confusing and you can’t do them all. This is one simple thing that saves time and money and makes a big difference. Some women love the other reusable options. Cloth pads are reusable and can also last many years. To clean, soak them in cold water then put them in with your laundry. You can make your own, or buy them from any of several companies. Sea sponges are worn internally, and function like a tampon. You can wash them and reuse for several months. Reusables are sold in some health food stores, and are easy to order online. Learning from the People We Meet: Traveling by bicycle, living on $4 a day, and camping in people’s yards, we don’t skip over places or people, and we often need help (directions, refilling water bottles, etc). We meet a wide cross-section of humanity through this slowness and vulnerability. The novelty of traveling by bicycle makes people interested in what we have to say, and we’ve been doing as much learning as teaching. In Tacoma, Washington, at the beginning of our trip, we had an amazing experience at the Irma Gary house, a home for recently incarcerated women. All of the women were out at work, but we had the opportunity to talk with the “house-mom,” Patty Imani for a while about the cups and this group of women. She explained that buying, bumming, or finding pads and tampons at distribution centers is a struggle for women experiencing poverty. Because Patty lives with the women for several months as they transition into independent housing, we hope she can be an ally to help them make this empowering lifestyle change. Patty now has five cups to give away to women who she thinks will use them. We have been talking to a lot of people about sustainable menstrual products, and have found the conversations surprisingly easy to have. There are four basic reasons to make the switch: the money, the environmental impact, the health risks, and the empowerment of women in their
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own bodies. Most people resonate with one of those reasons enough to get behind this movement; not just menstruating women, but also post-menopausal women, men, fathers, friends, brothers, boyfriends. We realized that our target audience was open and inclusive, because everyone knows someone who menstruates. Many women we have met already use and love menstrual cups, and already excitedly tell all of their friends. When a woman switches to a cup from disposable products, she stops giving her hard-earned money to multi-national corporations and stops creating trash with her natural cycle. It is a simple and empowering lifestyle change. We believe that person-to-person relationships are the way that people make this lifestyle change. Thirty-five dollars is a lot to spend on a product you are not sure about. A magazine ad can’t answer your questions. It often takes the one-on-one testimonial of a friend to really understand how the cups work and why you’d want to use one. We have found it rewarding to be that “friend” to many, many women as we travel. Each cup we give away saves that person a lot of money (a 25 year old will save about 1,500 dollars!), and saves the environment from a truck-load of trash. We hope that the cups we give as gifts are invitations for people to keep up the work of spreading this grassroots movement. Toni Craige 919-219-8100 acraige@wesleyan.edu
Sarah Konner 404-447-6122 sskonner@gmail.com
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Self-reflection amid the Penn State Scandal
Seth Zundel
Everything experienced in life serves as a lesson, right? I want to give some context to my writing this piece. I have always been an avid sports fan, raised from my infancy in front of the television screen watching Red Wings games with my dad. The person who was more influential on my sports love in general, though, was my grandfather. I watched college football with my grandpa every weekend from elementary school up until that point in high school when you think you’re too cool to hang out with family for a while. I’d come over, and we would do all kinds of odd jobs around the house, talk sports, and talk life. In those days I was raised a rabid Michigan fan, and during my not-so-fond days of school, my grandpa’s house was a weekend escape from the stress. College football was our legitimate bonding experience. It wasn’t just a sport to me, apart from the others it meant that I could hang out with my grandpa. He talked about integrity in life, what made character, honesty. Penn State has always pushed a clean public image along with college football itself. To my grandpa, Penn State was a school of integrity, a proud football program headed by the iconic coach he’s watched every weekend on television since the ‘60s. Because sports matter so much more... I haven’t had the chance to speak with my grandpa about the whole scandal yet. When I think of how frustrated I get about the media and modern society as a whole, what is he thinking? He was a teacher for most of his career, how devastating is the damage done to the kids for him? A grown man around his age did such terrible things to already troubled young boys. I can imagine my grandpa distraughtly laughing off what he’s just heard about Sandusky, and Paterno, and the all of the higher ups at Penn State. Not laughing in the offensive way, but his defensive mechanism when hearing of such a horrific story. He would shake his head to me, eyes reddened with tears of disappointment, and mutter “boy, they sure had me fooled.” He had me fooled too, Papa, as for every other sports fan. Nobody likes to learn that what they thought of someone was completely wrong.
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The college football money machine keeps pumping today. After the riots and the football games, the victims of the Jeff Sandusky/Penn State scandal are still going to be here. As the psychological trauma persists in their memories, the anguish they feel as adults today is never going away. They were already disadvantaged children; there weren’t any good adult role models at home (if they even had parents). Sandusky took a twisted big brother role. Eyewitnesses to his locker room shower molestation ran away, they never tried to stop him. Everyone higher up at Penn State knew about this going on in their own facility for at least nine years. They covered child molestation up. And no one bothered to personally ask Sandusky what the hell he was doing. What’s worse: being the force of evil, or allowing it to persist for so long when you had the power to stop? Because 409 wins was so worth it. Everyone at Penn State didn’t just fail the children, they failed modern humanity. College football fans young and old are heartbroken around the world. “Boy, they sure had me fooled.” It happens to us all too much, Papa.
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Zolton Faygoncy Maria Brundgae
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The Best Worst Coloring Utensil
Rachel Barth
Even though I was always more of a fan of markers and colored pencils, crayons seem to be the most culturally interesting. Also, Google “melted crayon art.” It’s super cool. Anyway, Wikipedia provided me with some fun facts about Crayola crayons (the best crayons, obviously):
By 1998, Crayola had created 120 colors of crayons. After that, every time a new color was made, an old one was retired. There have been 13 retired colors, therefore 133 unique crayon colors.
In 1958, “Prussian blue” was renamed “midnight blue” based on teachers’ requests and the fact that Prussia hadn’t existed for a while.
“Flesh” was changed to “peach” in 1962 because Crayola realized that was pretty racist.
Similarly, “Indian red” was renamed “chestnut” in 1999 after teachers expressed concern that children thought the color referred to the skin color of Native Americans, and not the “reddish-brown pigment found near India commonly used in fine artist oil paint.”
Crayola has made many specialty crayons, including metallic, glitter, scented, washable, triangular-shaped, sidewalk, twistable, window, and oversized.
According to a Yale University study, Crayola crayons are the 18th most recognizable scent for adults, even coming before cheese (19th) and bleach (20th).
Crayola held the “Crayola Color Census 2000,” where the public voted for their favorite Crayola crayon color. Blue was voted as the favorite color with 11, 322 total votes, over 3,000 more than second place cerulean, finishing with 7,956 votes.
In this “Color Census,” George W. Bush voted for “blue bell,” Tiger Woods voted for “wild strawberry,” and Courteney Cox Arquette voted for “red.”
While I don’t particularly enjoy coloring with crayons (like I said, I much prefer markers and colored pencils), Crayola crayons are definitely the superior crayons, and they have an interesting (albeit somewhat culturally insensitive) history. 13
Omegle – Check it out. Chatting with complete strangers. Plus, there’s no webcam feature like chattroulette, so you don’t have to deal with 47 year old naked pedophiles. Here’s a taste of Omegle from a recent conversation I had. -Darin Connecting to server... Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on. You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! Stranger: what does that have to do with parrots You: everything. for example, parrots like the color green - it insights aggression Stranger: are you sure about that? You: question is are you? i don’t think you have the authority to ask a question of that nature Stranger: I only said you could borrow that jacket, not keep it. Please give it back. You: is it green? Stranger: yellow leather Stranger: the cuffs are green though You: damn it, I thought you had forgotten Danielson You: so true to yourself you are You: for it is I who has betrayed you Stranger: how can this be? You: back in the french revolution, i went to asia You: i befriended a playwright who actually starred in her plays You: she was actually a man, but i didn’t know Stranger: mhmm, go on You: i never suspected, so we went along with our lives You: until 20 years later You: in a courtroom You: my love You: a man You: before my eyes You: i could not believe Stranger: your sense of spaghetti is astonishing. you failed to remember where I hid the lamp however. You: the fallacy is your astonishment Stranger: the astonishment is your 14th christmas tree You: frankly, i thought it was crooked You: but i went along with it You: on the sixth day it was erected 14
Stranger: so did Glouphrie, look where that got hiim. Underwater with a magic cane? I don’t have time for his trickery. Stranger: His fire and ice were weak Stranger: no match for the crabs You: debauchery is the quickest decent You: bud descent it more fluid You: but in the mist Stranger: gorillas You: the midst is failed Stranger: You should be more careful. You: you shouldn’t You: and in arms we shall join Stranger: and we can dance, perhaps even leave our friends behind You: for that is alright with me Stranger: the ribbon dance shall write the secret meaning in the sky Stranger: behold the pale horse You: oh to my dismay, hath he spoken Stranger: without a noble steed, my lady hath brought up on her home a plauge of leprucahuns You: so sad i must depart Stranger: who all seen the lepruchaun say hayyyy You: but i will yearn for your embrace! You: the leprachun up in dat tree You: HEEYYY Stranger: that’s what i’m talkin about You: enjoy what has taken place Stranger: chip chip cheerio You: far thee well You have disconnected.
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I love co-ops, Yes it’s true, I couldn’t make it to Bower (oops), Violets are blue. So Here’s some prose, But no pinot, And no markers, But there is some snow. I finished some homework That fine Thursday But Fampo will be rad And def risqué. I’ve added some artwork Made on “paint” Yes, I still use it, Got a Mac, I ain’t.
Sonja Trierweiler
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Thanksgiving Food That Looks Like Other Thanksgiving Food
Rachel Barth
Fellow co-opers, I have found what I believe to be the coolest Thanksgiving dessert ever:
Cookies that look like pies! So Cool! Now, I made a cake that looked like a turkey a few years back, and I thought that was pretty cool too‌
‌but not as cool as those cookies. You should all go make them for your families. Cookie image from sweetsugarbelle.com, which also features directions. 17
oh! bold blanket fort!
Kevin Lynch
hurray-huzzah anyway for the overcast day! A child, driven internally, may reposit an overcast externality as a call for castles, and fascinate himself fastidiously with such mental clay…on just such a day. Without plans, only tactile demands, such a child fondly will feel out his temporal way: crying at the bliss such mental trysts allow. And also crying out of sure sorrow for the tomorrow whose rays may puncture the merriment made today. Of this expenditure does the child wildly provide. If the sun will not drown the world in its excess of shine, youth shall let forth their dams. For the child lives so wholly, as all have the capacity to do, in rich excess. Thus their love for pools in which they can submerse themselves, and the candy too which perverts their health. Dreams come as easy to a child as plans come to an adult. Oddly, the former are far more ready for the world than the latter. A child trusts in its body, and a man, if he trusts in anything, trusts in abstractions: in words, screens, and gods. Of course the child is spiritual to the highest degree, but differently so. The spiritual flow of a little girl is phenomenologically pure. She nurses her doll to life with gaze, animates its movements as extensions of her own, and releases subjectivity into her precious friend when she lends it her own voice. Her faith in the world springs from a faith in herself as the two are not separate for her. As she plays in the dollhouse, the dollhouse plays back. Scraping the knee that has broken her fall from a hasty slalom ‘round the corner, the sidewalk scrapes her pride as well, and the bike does indeed deserve the sprightly kicks she sticks in its spokes. She sobs as one whose faith is betrayed. The world has declined cooperation with one of its fairies unjustly. As a man approaches the alter he ascends its symmetries, and promptly genuflects to Him. On his knees, eyes closed, he thinks in negation. ‘Forgive my sins, oh Lord’ go his mental murmurings in prayer. He does not dream. He speaks in strictly ritualized abstraction. Detaching himself from his knees, the floor is at most an annoyance to him, and is covered with pillows besides. He seeks a discharge which will free the weight of burdens on his body through purely out-of-body aspirations. As if the Lord was absent from his world at current, but might swoop down with untold mercy and strength to grant his pleadings, and take such mass back to a world where weight does not matter. “But tell me, my brethren, what the child can do, which even the lion could not do? Why hath the preying lion still to become a child? Innocence is the child, and forgetfulness, a new beginning, a game, a self-rolling wheel, a first movement, a holy Yea. Aye, for the game of creating, my brethren, there is needed a holy Yea unto life: its own will, willeth now the spirit; his own world winneth the world’s outcast.” ~Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra 18
Happy Thanksgiving.
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the pine press
volume 42, issue 5
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