2004-12-02-pine-press

Pine

December 2, 2004

Press

SOLD!

Weâ€™ll be missing you

Itâ€™s Time to Get on the Shovel Train! The ELPD is no longer issuing warnings for not shoveling snow on the sidewalks, theyâ€™ll just be giving tickets! So to save your house money and hassle, shovel early and shovel often! Boo-yah! Snow!

Pine Press Editorial Staff Editor-In-Chief Russell T. Jones Managing Editor Ol’ Dirty Bastard News Editor Dirt Dog Opinion Editor Dirt the Flirt Hair and Makeup Dirt McGirt Shriner Editor Big Baby Jesus Crystal Editor Osirus Petty Theft Editor Joe Bananas Wu-Tang Editor Unique Ason Style Crippler ODB

The Pine Press Fall 04: Issue 4 The Pine Press is the fortnightly newsletter of the MSU Student Housing Co-Operative. Yes, I said fortnightly. I know it has been since October that you’ve had a new Pine Press. You think I don’t know that? Oh, believe you me, I know. Hell, it’s been so long that I don’t even remember who the fucking people in the editorial box are anymore. They’re something esoteric and wanky, but I have no idea beyond that simple fact. So back the fuck off. You think I don’t have problems? You think my life is all PBR and Roses? Well, it’s not, okay. I got my shit just like you got your shit. November was a hard month. I was still reeling from the death of Ronald Reagan when I got the crushing news about ODB. Yeah, I thought that would make you a little more sympathetic. Now, on to more pressing matters. Has anyone out there seen the movie 101 Dalmations? I don’t mean the recent live-

action version with Glen Close , but the old Disney cartoon. You have? Good, because I hate that damned movie and I’ll tell you why. It is an awful, disgusting, almost pornographic film in its absolute disregard for anything that looks like morality. Think about it: you’ve got a struggling songwriter named Roger Radcliff who owns a purebred Dalmatian named Pongo. Now, since neither can control their base sexual urges, they spend their days staring out the window at women and female dogs as though they were merely sex objects. One day, in their normal course of objectification, they spy Anita and Perdita and proceed to practically slip roofies to the unexpecting females until they are all united in some sort of bestiality orgy. Soon enough, Perdita is pregnant and births 15 fucking purebred Dalmatian puppies. Enter: Cruella DeVil, the “villain” of this abomination of a film. She offers to buy the puppies, but that fucking moron of a songwriter refuses her generous offer. Granted, she’s evil and wants to turn them into fur coats, but this fucker’s got a family to support. Anyway, lots of shit happens and Cruella kidnaps the puppies (which was probably not the best decision), but they escape and bring 84 more puppies with them. That’s right, 101 Dalmatians find themselves under the care of Roger and Anita (hence, the title). Now, a reasonable person would recognize that on a songwriter’s salary, it would be absolutely impossible to care for these animals properly. But like the selfish sons of bitches that they are, Roger and Anita choose to starve the puppies to death in their low income household. Furthermore, no one needs that many fucking dogs, but did they give even one puppy to a needy child who can’t afford dogs? NO! These fuckers kept them all to themselves. I give them 6 months before the first batch of puppies ends up as soup. Are these really the values we want to be teaching our children? Hoard everything you can until you are forced to do something absolutely awful to keep yourself and your kin and 101 fucking dogs alive? I thought we as a human race had moved past such barbarism, but I guess I was wrong. Fuck Walt Disney and his immoral bullshit. Speaking of things I’m pissed about, with all this talk about who the Democrats and Republicans are going to nominate in 2008, no one in the elitist media has had the fucking balls to mention the only person in America worthy of the job: Andy Rooney! Even his own network is selling him out. Fuck Hillary. Fuck McCain. Fuck Rudy G. Andy Rooney is the only man worth voting for in 2008. He is the only candidate that will pass federal legislation against misleading packaging that makes you think you’re getting way more Cheez-Its than you actually are. The choice is yours, America. You can choose the candidate who has been watching out for you all these years to make sure that you don’t have to get annoyed at Wall-Mart or you can choose someone who wants to fix Public Education in this country. The choice is clear: screw education, I want more Wheaties! Rooney in 2008!

Congratulations Evan Dayringer,

SHC’s New Member Services Coordinator!

Bye Tara We’ll miss you!

This here adorable little puppydog has submitted to the Pine Press. Why haven’t you? SUBMIT TO YOUR PINEY MASTER! BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE! Send submissions to pinepress@hotmail.com

Raft Hill Refrigerator Magnet Quotes Follow dear Through evening garden Firefly shade Bend not from a loverâ€™s embrace Remember why we weep When morning comsumes the east Grow and flow ahead of time Wander yet find love Seeing lightning in a dark moment will leave changes here Morning mirrors summer clouds looking For a secret song Within fog can we weep & wander Through the mountains garden shade And remember not eveningâ€™s secret love I embrace life as the morning wind Whispers away dark clouds Glass eye for use!

There is actually no good reason for you to not be listening to the Rock and Roll Bass Guitar right now.

RIP ODB

Russell Jones: November 15,1968 - November 13, 2004.

Alas, poor Ol’ Dirty Bastard I knew him, readers of the Pine Press: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! my gorge rims at it. Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? Your gambols? your songs? your flashes of merriment, that were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one now, to mock your own grinning? quite chap-fallen? Now get you to my lady's chamber, and tell her, let her paint an inch thick, to this favour she must come; make her laugh at that. Prithee, readers of the Pine Press, tell me one thing. On November 13, 2004, humanity as a whole was dealt a massive blow when Old Dirty Bastard (aka Russell Jones, aka Dirt McGirt, aka Dirt Dog, aka Big Baby Jesus, etc...) collapsed in a recording studio and passed on from this bitch-assed life into the great Crystal Bottle in the sky. In his short 35 years, the Old Dirty Bastard gave the people of America and the world over a reason to wake up every day. Be it his phat beats, infectious rhymes, or multiple shoplifting offences, there was something for everyone in this particular Bastard. The tragic death of ODB is only the latest in a string of losses that has plagued our generation. Kurt Cobain, Princess Diana, Mother Teresa, Johnny Cash, Ronald Reagan, John Ritter, and now ODB have left us with great holes to fill in our lives. Though many may be compelled to lift their weary heads to the skies and cry out in desparation to whatever higher power we believe has control over such things for the carnage to come to an end, we must recall and take solace in the sage-like words of Russell Jones: “God made dirt and dirt bust your ass.” ODB would not want us to give up on life and wallow in our sorrows, rather he would walk on over with his crystal and tell us to put away our pistols, as Dirty wouldn’t be having that in his house. We must look on the bright side of all of this. The passing of a great like ODB is of course a blow to us all, but now we must band together

Alas, poor Ol’ Dirty Bastard I knew him, readers of the Pine Press: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! my gorge rims at it. Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? Your gambols? your songs? your flashes of merriment, that were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one now, to mock your own grinning? quite chap-fallen? Now get you to my lady's chamber, and tell her, let her paint an inch thick, to this favour she must come; make her laugh at that. Prithee, readers of the Pine Press, tell me one thing. On November 13, 2004, humanity as a whole was dealt a massive blow when Old Dirty Bastard (aka Russell Jones, aka Dirt McGirt, aka Dirt Dog, aka Big Baby Jesus, etc...) collapsed in a recording studio and passed on from this bitchassed life into the great Crystal Bottle in the sky. In his short 35 years, the Old Dirty Bastard gave the people of America and the world over a reason to wake up every day. Be it his phat beats, infectious rhymes, or multiple shoplifting offences, there was something for everyone in this particular Bastard. The tragic death of ODB is only the latest in a string of losses that has plagued our generation. Kurt Cobain, Princess Diana, Mother Teresa, Johnny Cash, Ronald Reagan, John Ritter, and now ODB have left us with great holes to fill in our lives. Though many may be compelled to lift their weary heads to the skies and cry out in desparation to whatever higher power we believe has control over such things for the carnage to come to an end, we must recall and take solace in the sage-like words of Russell Jones: “God made dirt and dirt bust your ass.” ODB would not want us to give up on life and wallow in our sorrows, rather he would walk on over with his crystal and tell us to put away our pistols, as Dirty wouldn’t be having that in his house. We must look on the bright side of all of this. The passing of a great like ODB is of course a blow to us all, but now we must band together and find a way to fill the void. Maybe the next ODB is among us now and we don’t even know it. Maybe one of our children will rise to the

Atlantis Sold! But You still have to keep it nice! Ending a process that started nearly a year ago, the Board of Directors unanimously approved the sale of Atlantis House to Joe Goodsir on Monday, November 22nd, 2004. The selling price was $925,000: $300,000 in cash and $625,000 in the form of a house at 239 North Harrison Road.

Ending a process that started nearly a year ago, the Board of Directors unanimously approved the sale of Atlantis House to Joe Goodsir on Monday, November 22nd, 2004. The selling price was $925,000: $300,000 in cash and $625,000 in the form of a house at 239 North Harrison Road.

The History of the Development of Bogue Street

Last year the city proposed an urban redevelopment of the Cedar Village area. It encompasses much more than Cedar Village though. The plan goes along Grand River to Bogue Street, down Bogue Street to the river and along the river to Hagadorn. The vision is for a mix of apartments, lofts, condo's, & shops. Picture a pedestrian friendly plaza, parking in city garages, a broad walkway along the river and, in the latest plan presented just Aug 12, a small basin for canoes with a few small docks. The city's original thought was this would take 5 to 10 years to get started, but there has been such excitement about the possibilities and so much interest from both property owners and developers that we are all on the fast track now. Atlantis Co-op sits smack in the middle of what will probably be phase one, the development down Bogue Street. We received an offer from Christman Development co for the purchase of Atlantis last spring. We had a referendum vote in the spring, which gave us the go ahead on the project. Christmanâ€™s offer was contingent on their lining up enough property along Bogue Street to make their project work. This phase of the development involved building a credit union building and up to 1600 residential units. However, they failed to get the property and the offer fell through. At first we had hoped to develop a new co-op with in this area, East Village as it is being called. At a meeting with the city, on Aug 20, a new plan was presented for the overall area, a

Michigan vs. England Dear Anja Mickelthwaite,

Dear Anja Mickelthwaite,

I would like to remind (or, perhaps, to inform) you that Michigan, the state where I live, is directly beneath (and, in some instances, next to) Canada. It is also cold and miserable, and we probably get a lot more snow than you do. So let's do fight about who will have the most miserable weather this winter. I have so little to gloat about. http://www.yourchildlearns.com/us_map.h tm This fun little map will show you the state capitol for each state. When you find Michigan, you'll note what (other than water) surrounds it on many (not all) sides. (Hint: it begins with a C and ends with anada).

I would like to remind (or, perhaps, to inform) you that Michigan, the state where I live, is directly beneath (and, in some instances, next to) Canada. It is also cold and miserable, and we probably get a lot more snow than you do. So let's do fight about who will have the most miserable weather this winter. I have so little to gloat about. http://www.yourchildlearns.com/us_map.ht m This fun little map will show you the state capitol for each state. When you find Michigan, you'll note what (other than water) surrounds it on many (not all) sides. (Hint: it begins with a C and ends with anada).

Sincerely, Sophie

Dear Sophie Buttinski,

Hah! Snow? Luxury. Surely you are aware that snow raises the ambient temperature by a few degrees! At least you get a white Christmas rather than a dirty grey one. And let me direct you to http://www.bbc.co.uk/weather/ukweather ukrainfall_06.shtml. As you will see the UK is made up of lots of little islands. An island is a piece of land surrounded by water on All sides. Hah again! I will win this pissing contest.

You Lose, Anja

Whoâ€™s Really Colder? Dear Anja Mickelthwaite,

Dear Anja Mickelthwaite,

I would like to remind (or, perhaps, to inform) you that Michigan, the state where I live, is directly beneath (and, in some instances, next to) Canada. It is also cold and miserable, and we probably get a lot more snow than you do. So let's do fight about who will have the most miserable weather this winter. I have so little to gloat about. http://www.yourchildlearns.com/us_map.ht m This fun little map will show you the state capitol for each state. When you find Michigan, you'll note what (other than water) surrounds it on many (not all) sides. (Hint: it begins with a C and ends with anada).

Sincerely, Sophie

Dear Sophie Buttinski,

Hah! Snow? Luxury. Surely you are aware that snow raises the ambient temperature by a few degrees! At least you get a white Christmas rather than a dirty grey one. And let me direct you to http://www.bbc.co.uk/ weather/ukweather ukrainfall_06.shtml. As you will see the UK is made up of lots of little islands. An island is a piece of land surrounded by water on All sides. Hah again! I will win this pissing contest.

You Lose, Anja

Anja, What I failed to mention is that Michigan has a climate somewhat similar to that of Engerland, the difference being that we also have a climate similar to that of Canada. We get the blowing, windy, windy, wind mcgoo (how much more can I stress

Pine Press Recipe Share Eggplant Casserole-Turkish Style "Turlu" Ingredients (use vegan versions): 1 fat eggplant, peeled, cubed, and soaked in salt water 15 mins. 2 large potatoes, peeled, cubed, and soaked in salt water 15 minutes 2 zucchini, peeled and cubed 2 large onions, diced (vadalia onions if possible) 2 hungarian peppers, diced 3 large tomatoes or 6-7 roma tomatoes, peeled, cubed 1 teaspoon tomato paste 3-4 large cloves garlic, peeled, whole 3 tablespoons fresh, chopped parsley 2 veggie bouillion cubes (or to taste) olive oil Directions: Prepare eggplant and potato by cubing them and letting them stand (separately) in salt water for 15 minutes. 1 tablespoon salt to 2 qts of water is enough. This extracts the excess moisture from them and makes them easier to cook. Drain, rinse, and pat dry. The easiest way to peel tomatoes is to blanch them in boiling water for a few seconds until the skin starts to peel away. The skin will fall off without much effort. Put some olive oil in a dutch oven and sautee first 5 ingredients separately. First sautee the onions until wilted, then remove them from the pan. Then sautee the zucchini until wilted, then remove from the pan and put together with the onions. Then sautee the eggplant together with the peppers. Remove from pan. Then the potatoes. Potatoes only need to be half cooked. You can add olive oil as needed/desired for sauteeing. After the potatoes are half cooked, add the other sauteed ingredients back to the dutch oven, add the garlic, bouillion, tomatoes, tomato paste, and parsley. Add hot water so the liquid is about 1 inch below the top of the mixture. Simmer for 30-40 mins until potatoes are done. You may need to add more water from time to time. Serves: 4 Preparation time: 1 hour

MSU Museum Store Promotes Cultural Diversity, Fair Trade As the holiday season approaches, many people are beginning to think about making gift selections that help preserve cultures and improve working conditions around the world. The MSU Museum Store features an assortment of affordable, authentic, hand-made “fair trade” crafts from around the world. Purchasing these items lets people give distinctive gifts to their loved ones, while at the same time benefiting the global arts community. What’s more, 100 percent of the profit goes to the MSU Museum, helping sustain the museum’s mission of understanding, interpreting, and respecting natural and cultural diversity. “It it important to me to make the choice between what the store can sell and what the store should sell. I could easily sell items that do not give the creator of those items a fair profit. Instead, I carry fair trade items to actively promote respect for all the cultures of the world,” store manager Cathy Huddy explains. Here’s a sampling of Museum Store offerings this holiday season: jewelry and papyrus prints from Egypt, carved Santas from Russia and the Ukraine, and wire motorcycles and airplanes from Kenya. The Museum Store also carries a wide variety of books and educational toys with natural and cultural history themes. The MSU Museum store is open from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Tuesday through Friday, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Saturday and 1 to 5 p.m. on Sunday. See www.museum.msu.edu or call (517) 355-

As the holiday season approaches, many people are beginning to think about making gift selections that help preserve cultures and improve working conditions around the world. The MSU Museum Store features an assortment of affordable, authentic, hand-made “fair trade” crafts from around the world. Purchasing these items lets people give distinctive gifts to their loved ones, while at the same time benefiting the global arts community. What’s more, 100 percent of the profit goes to the MSU Museum, helping sustain the museum’s mission of understanding, interpreting, and respecting natural and cultural diversity. “It it important to me to make the choice between what the store can sell and what the store should sell. I could easily sell items that do not give the creator of those items a fair profit. Instead, I carry fair trade items to actively promote respect for all the cultures of the world,” store manager Cathy Huddy explains. Here’s a sampling of Museum Store offerings this holiday season: jewelry and papyrus prints from Egypt, carved Santas from Russia and the Ukraine, and wire motorcycles and airplanes from Kenya. The Museum Store also carries a wide variety of books and educational toys with natural and cultural history themes. The MSU Museum store is open from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Tuesday through Friday, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Saturday and 1 to 5 p.m. on Sunday. See www.museum.msu.edu or call (517) 355-

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