PS – Jocelyn can go eat lead paint for leaving all of this empty white space at the bottom of the page. To quote from page 38 in the Brain Stew Manual, “all excess white space must be filled with something censorable, in order to make Ed earn his fat salary.”
PPS – yeah, page 38, not 69. This is a real book, and Dan didn’t even write it.
Nosey kids have knocked the Xen crystal into our anti-mass spectrometer we installed in the basement, causing a resonance cascade that opened a rift to the Xen borderworld. Hordes of evil critters have invaded and are thriving in our special brand of mold we have!
New traps for head crabs have been set up throughout the honors college, in the hopes that they won’t latch onto any students.
We asked some of the staff if they’ve noticed any changes since this event.
Audri – “Y’know, I have noticed Dan hasn’t smoked in a while! How bizarre!”
Dan – “…”
(He didn’t say any human words, but he gazed longingly at a box of cigarettes.)
Ed has graciously offered to be teleported to the Xen borderworld, in the hopes that he can defeat the mother of all head crabs, the Gonarch. We wish him luck!
Who will be your valentine this year?
