by Peter Vazquez
ACT I
INT. ST. PAUL'S PREP - ENGLISH CLASSROOM - DAY
A class full of young men stand together with their hands crossed in prayer. One of the boys scratches his crotch, another picks his nose repeatedly, eating his boogers thereafter.
FR. MORRIS (V.O.)
In the name of the Father, and of the son, and of the Holy Spirit... ALL
Amen.
The young men sit down in their chairs. Standing in front of the chalkboard, MR. JOHNSON (30's), writes the name of his course in chalk: ENGLISH 1 HONORS.
MR. JOHNSON
Good morning gentlemen, my-
An impatient student raises his hand. Mr Johnson smiles.
MR. JOHNSON (CONT’D) (to the student) Yes?
IMPATIENT STUDENT
May I use the lavatory?
A couple of the students snicker.
MR. JOHNSON
May you use the lavatory? May you use the lavatory? What is this, the 1950's? It's called a restroom! And, no, the school-year started five seconds ago.
The entire class laughs. Mr. Johnson exhales with a smile.
MR. JOHNSON (CONT’D)
Good morning, gentlemen. My name is Mr. Johnson and I'll be teaching your English 1 Honors class. You have all proven yourselves to be at the top of your class here at Prep.
Paul watches on, tapping his right index finger on his desk.
MR. JOHNSON (CONT’D)
Based on standardized testing, which, as we all know, is a flawless metric for evaluating ability.
RIYAAN REDDY (14), a valedictorian hopeful, takes a notebook out to start copying notes.
MR. JOHNSON (CONT’D)
I consider it a privilege to be teaching you all on your journey to becoming men for others.
CHRIS BROOKS (15), whose football helmet lies under his desk, falls back into his chair, quickly waking himself up from a short-lived nap.
MR. JOHNSON (CONT’D)
As some of you may know, I coach track and field here. And, I went to Prep myself, way back when.
ALEJANDRO PEREZ (15), a pretty-boy soccer player, fixes his hair, using the phone under his desk as a mirror.
MR. JOHNSON (CONT’D) But enough about me.
COLIN PEPPERS (15), an awkward, avid gamer, who goes by Peppers, inspects a piece of gum lodged underneath his desk.
MR. JOHNSON (CONT’D)
I want to hear about you!
MASON YOUNG (14), a frat-boy in the making, attempts to eat his bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich as quietly as possible in the back of the classroom.
MR. JOHNSON (CONT’D)
Let's all go around and say our first and last names. Tell us where you're from, and since this is English class... your favorite book. We'll start with you.
Mr. Johnson points to Mason, who had just taken a bite on his sandwich.
MR. JOHNSON (CONT’D)
The silly boy with a bagel in his hand.
All of the students laugh. Mason smiles, and puts the sandwich away.
MASON
Sorry about that, Mr. Johnson. Uh, my name is Mason. I'm from Asbury Park, and, um, my favorite book is...
Mason thinks long and hard.
MR. JOHNSON
We can narrow it down for you, Mason, if it's too hard for you to come up with a favorite.
Mr. Johnson writes on the chalkboard: SCI-FI.
MR. JOHNSON (CONT’D)
How 'bout this? Tell us the name of your favorite science-fiction book.
Mason grins.
MASON
I'm not sure if that makes it any easier, um... oh, Animorphs! Yeah, Animorphs. You know, the ones where the people turn into animals on the cover.
MR. JOHNSON Animorphs.
Mr. Johnson sighs.
MR. JOHNSON (CONT’D)
I think my daughter, who, mind you, is entering the third grade, just picked up one of those.
The class chuckles.
MR. JOHNSON (CONT’D)
Nice to meet you, Mason. We'll go clockwise from you.
Peppers, next in rotation, points at himself and looks at Mr. Johnson, as if to ask if he his up next. Mr. Johnson nods.
PEPPERS (standing up)
Um, hello. My name is Peppers, Colin Peppers-
MR. JOHNSON
You don't need to stand.
Peppers shakes his head in agreement and sits down.
PEPPERS
Yeah so, everyone calls me Peppers. Um. I'm from California originally, so, surf's up.
Peppers performs the shaka. And no one laughs at Peppers's attempt at a joke. Peppers laughs to himself.
PEPPERS (CONT’D)
I now live in Bayonne, and my favorite science fiction book is "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?"
MR. JOHNSON
Blade Runner! Nice, Peppers. Okay, next up.
Paul, who is next up, looks around the room.
PAUL
Hey, guys. Uh, My name's Paul. I'm from Clifton. And, my favorite science-fiction book is... the Bible.
The class erupts in laughter. Paul shares a glance with Mr. Johnson, who smiles.