by Peter Vazquez
INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY - NIGHT
A pizza-delivery boy named ARNO LIPCHITZ carries ten boxes of pizza over his shoulder up an apartment building stairwell.
This is his fiftieth delivery of the night, the pizzeria he works for closes at 1:00 a.m., and it is currently 1:40 a.m. This is his last stop.
After almost dropping all of the boxes getting up the last step, Arno places the boxes on the ground, and knocks on the door of apartment #3.
He can hear a large crowd in the apartment, and after no one comes to the door, he knocks again, frustrated.
A young man named TRISTAN THIEROFF immediately opens the door, with a beer in hand. Neon lights can be seen coming from his apartment.
TRISTAN
Yo, what's up man?
ARNO
'Sup.
Arno shows Tristan the receipt. It reads, "$97.29," at the bottom. Tristan opens his wallet, then looks at Arno.
TRISTAN
Uh, one sec.
He closes the door, leaving Arno alone in the hallway.
TRISTAN (O.S.) (CONT’D) (behind the door)
Yo, does anyone have a twenty?
Arno taps his fingers on the top of the top pizza box. Tristan opens the door.
TRISTAN (CONT’D)
Hey, man, sorry about that.
ARNO
Yeah. Sign here.
Arno hands Tristan the receipt and a pen, and Tristan begins to sign it.
While waiting, Arno, almost accidentally, looks into
Tristan's apartment, and sees a woman entering the bathroom. She looks at Arno, then closes the bathroom door behind her.
Her name is BIANCA BULGARI, and Arno may have just fell in love with her.
Tristan moves his head right in front of Arno's line of sight, blocking his view of the bathroom.
TRISTAN
Uh, dude?
ARNO
Yeah... yeah? What's up?
TRISTAN
Were you just looking at my girlfriend?
ARNO
No, uh, no. No.
TRISTAN
I didn't think so.
Tristan hands Arno eight ten-dollar bills and a twenty. He watches Arno count it. After Arno finishes counting it, he looks at Tristan.
TRISTAN (CONT’D)
Is that all?
ARNO
Uh...
TRISTAN
Am I forgetting something?
ARNO
Just the tip.
TRISTAN
No, the tip's there.
ARNO
Three dollars?
Tristan nods.
ARNO (CONT’D)
That's crazy man.
Arno death-stares Tristan.
TRISTAN
Are you mean-mugging me?
At that moment, Bianca steps out of the bathroom and approaches them.
BIANCA (to Tristan)
Hey, is there a problem?
TRISTAN
Nah, no problem. He was just leaving.
BIANCA (to Arno)
What's your name?
ARNO
Uh, Arno. What's yours?
BIANCA
Wouldn't you like to know, pizza boy?
Bianca takes a sip of her drink, and smiles.
BIANCA (CONT’D)
I'm kidding. Bianca.
She extends her hand for a handshake, and Arno reciprocates.
ARNO
Nice to meet you, Bianca.
Bianca walks away smiling, looking at Tristan the whole way.
TRISTAN
You want to fuck my girlfriend, don't you?
ARNO
What are you talking about, man? I just want you to pay me. It's raining out there.
TRISTAN
Dude, I'm just fucking with you. Chill out.
He takes a sip of his beer.
TRISTAN (CONT’D)
You're the new delivery guy, right?
ARNO
Yeah.
TRISTAN
Well I order from Rocky's like every night, so you'll be seeing more of me. I'm broke right now, but my paycheck comes in tomorrow, so I'll order something then. Do you work tomorrow?
ARNO
Yeah, uh, yeah.
TRISTAN
There you go! I'll tip you tomorrow then, for both orders, okay? Have a nice-
Tristan closes the door on Arno.
TRISTAN (O.S.) (CONT’D) (behind the door) Bring me a shot!
Arno exhales, and walks away.
ARNO (under his breath) Dick.
INT. APARTMENT STAIRWELL - NIGHT
A day later, back in the same stairwell, Arno carries four plastic bags along the side of his body, each of them holding two, two-liter bottles of soda. He knocks on Tristan's door.
INT. APARTMENT #3 - NIGHT
Inside Tristan's apartment, Tristan and Bianca sit on a couch in front of the door, waiting for Arno, giggling.
TRISTAN
He's here!
INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY - NIGHT
Tristan opens the door, right as Arno knocks on it.
TRISTAN
Hey, buddy.
ARNO (under his breath) What's up, man?
Arno puts the bags on the floor.
TRISTAN
What do you got for me today?
ARNO
Uh, what you ordered.
TRISTAN
Can you remind me what I ordered? I might be blackout at this point.
ARNO
Uh, two Dr. Peppers, one Coke, one Diet Coke, two Sprites, one Fanta, and a Coke Zero.
TRISTAN
Dude you got it all wrong, that's not what I ordered.
ARNO
What do you mean, it says it right here-
TRISTAN
I don't care what it says right there, I'd never order two Sprites, I barely even like Sprite. And why would I get a Coke and a Diet Coke?
ARNO
Maybe you only want to diet halfway? I don't-
TRISTAN
Dude, I'm not paying for that.
Tristan closes the door on Arno. Before Arno can even react, Tristan opens the door, again.
TRISTAN (CONT’D)
I'm just fucking with you, man. How much was that?
ARNO
$32.50
TRISTAN
Perfect, I got forty dollars for you right here.
Tristan reaches into his apartment and takes out four rolls of quarters, each worth ten dollars.
ARNO
Are you kidding me, man?
TRISTAN
What? That's like an eight dollar tip right there. That's more than fair, thats like twenty-five percent.
ARNO
But you said-
TRISTAN
(mocking, then back to normal)
"But you said." "But you said." Fuck what I said, I'm here right now and that's what I'm fucking paying you, okay? Fuck you and I'll see you tomorrow.
Tristan closes the door. Arno takes a moment, exhales, then walks all the way down to bottom of the staircase. He screams at the top of his lungs.
INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY - NIGHT
On the third day, Arno carries a small brown bag inside a larger, white, plastic bag up the stairs. He reaches the door to Tristan's apartment, takes a deep breath, then knocks.
After a moment, Bianca opens the door. It seems like she just woke up from a nap.
BIANCA
Hey.
ARNO
Oh, uh, hey.
BIANCA
I know, probably not who you were expecting.
ARNO (small laughter) Yeah.
BIANCA
You came fast, though, I thought I was going to be waiting for a hot second.
ARNO
Yeah.
BIANCA
I just wanted to apologize for Tristan, he can be... weird. But he means well.
ARNO Yeah.
BIANCA Is your shift almost over?
ARNO
Yes. Uh, no. I have a couple more stops.
BIANCA
That's a shame, Tristan just stepped out.
Arno clears his throat.
ARNO
Ahem, so, one chicken-parm hero, that'll be $11.26.
BIANCA
Okay, uh, do you mind if I go grab my purse?
ARNO
Sure thing.
Bianca closes the door. Arno smiles to himself. The door then opens and it's Tristan.
TRISTAN
Hey, hey, hey, what the fuck, fucknugget?
Arno turns away from Tristan.
TRISTAN (CONT’D)
I'm really convinced you want to fuck my girlfriend, man. It's just a classic porno storyline.
ARNO
What is wrong with you people? I just want to get paid and go!
TRISTAN
Okay fine, Jesus. Here's your fucking money.
Tristan crumples up two twenty dollar bills and throws them on the ground. Arno picks them up and walks away, down the staircase.
TRISTAN (CONT’D) (from the top of the staircase)
This is fun for me, Arno! I'm just getting started!
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