A Reading School Creative Writing Club Bulletin with a welcome to new readers, and apologies to our fans
In this issue:
A club caption contest Club prompts: Purple Prose We start in a tavern
A smattering of miscellany
A club CHALLENGE
Junior Lunch: Wednesdays
Senior Lunch: Thursdays Week A
Fridays Week B
Meetings in A1
Barkeep, can I have one Blood? a real clubquote
They gain a pipe for every kill.
This is only Phase 1.
I wouldn’t tell anyone that I had won the lottery, but there would be signs.
Don’t worry, we’ve got one for you as well.
We’re not compatible because I’m a Gemini. About last night…
Don’t mind them, they’re just here to observe
I’m in crippling debt because of you, John.
(sad bagpipe noises)
I’m off to find myself, mother.
This is not what I had in mind.
Eau de parfum
It’s not you, it’s me.
Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down…
Lady: What’s going on here?
Man: Be innocent of the knowledge, dearest chuck.
This is only Phase 1.
You’ve been arrested for public indecency.
If you were unfairly compensated for a trick…
Be not afraid.
My children. I have ascended.
I’m off to find myself, mother.
Please help. Someone dressed me up in human clothes.
When you durst do it, then you were a man.
“Purple prose” is a common writing problem where descriptions are too detailed, fancy, and dramatic, often featuring overused tropes. Think a “dark and stormy night” in a horror story, or a hero with “glinting ice blue eyes” in a YA adventure. We challenged the club to deliberately misuse purple prose in a piece for dramatic (or funny) effect.
Police Report: Transcript of communication between officer P. Perkins and officer D. Kingsley
K: Are you at the house yet?
P: Affirmation. I am walking up the faded cobblestone path, the slight squeak of my shoe adding to the heavy tension of the scene. The splintered door is ajar, and the shadows beckon to me.
K: Do not enter the house without backup.
P: Your words ring hollow upon my ears. The scent of danger lures me in, lulling my senses into false security.
K: Wait for backup!!
P: The trail of red leads me down the haphazard steps to the looming darkness. My torch exiles the shadows to a lower realm and it travels to the wooden contraption held together by the strong fibres of rope. The four wooden arms attached to each corner of the frame hold severed appendages, their ragged ends dripping with the essence of a former life. The centre of the frame is occupied by the body, be it only the mere shell of what had once been happy. The ribs lie scattered around the contraption, with an empty cavity in the middle. In the corner is a child holding a still pulsing heart.
-Luke Mullaney, Y9
The morning had come around, the golden sky like an oculus to the heavens, the robins with their gleaming crimson feathers scattering the hazy sunbeams over the newly built neighbourhood and brightening the days of sleepy, tired villagers. The cadaver in my basement wafted a putrid stench of rotting flesh and writhing maggots, embedding in the beautifully furnished living room, burning the inside of my nose. And the sun, like an incandescent lightbulb, cast its rays into my double paned window like a magnifying glass.
-Grigory Vayner,
Y8
Vow 1:
“You are the sunshine to my dark clouds, bringing joy and elation to every corner of my depressing life. Your light shines through me and through my body, to the edges of my digits and glowing in my - before you - empty head. I can feel your emotion flowing in me, adding excitement and happiness ever day, week, and year I am with you. Reginald MacDonald, I do take you to be my wife, until the end of time or my life (whichever comes first), so you can continue to make me happy forever. I do.”
Vow 2:
“I’ll take it.”
-Henry Robson, Y9
The turquoise, blue green, off-cyon, lighter than navy but darker than sky blue, not quite verdant or foresty, (63, 224, 208), bluey lime, #4OeOdO with a hue of 0.48 and saturation of 0.72, not too vibrant azure gemstone eyes shone, twinkled, positively glowed as if a visible turquoise, blue-green, off-cyon aura emanated from her pale, jadeskinned, tantalizing, vibrant (but not too vibrant), ivory neckline, only accentuating her fiery crimson, glowing scarlet, off-maroon, saturated vermillion, not quite blood but more cherry wine, cardinal-cerise yet absolutely coral, not as dull as brick skin, cochined irises that seemed to gaze into the pitch black, vantablack, lightless, very black, quite dark, endless, infinite, ongoing, continuous, never-ending, perpetual abyss.
“Chicken pie, please.”
I looked down at the duck holding our menu. He must have seen my confused look.
“What? It’s not like I’m eating my cousin or something.”
I shrugged - we had much stranger orders in here - and left to tell chef.
The heat of the kitchen hit me like a wall, and the sweaty, bloated figure of chef blustered into my vision.
“What is it? It’d better not be chicken, ‘ cause we’ve just run out.”
I groaned - I’d have to run a special “errand” now.
Chef looked down at my notepad and said, “Better be quick. I saw a few in the street earlier.”
I grabbed a black hood and took the back entrance, into the back-alley. I saw a group of them sitting on some old crates, clucking and drinking beer. I raised my club on the one furthest from the group, and with a poof of feathers, he fell to the floor.
I dragged him back in and tossed him at chef. “What we do for our customers, eh?” she said.
I got back to my rounds, and later chef called, “Chicken pie for Mr. Duck!”
I took the platter and moved to the duck’s table, hoping for a tip - he had looked pretty well off. After weaving through numerous tables, I reached the oak table the duck had been at. The red table cloth. The set cutlery. The lit candle. The empty chair...
The silver dome of the platter glinted at me.
-Luke Mullaney
1.
Heads up, Pisces! Today’s looking real good for that big next leap. Don’t be afraid to take big risks, put yourself out there, and redefine the bounds of cooking.
Hey there, Cancer, the word of today is calmness. Even if things aren’t looking good, keep your head up and soldier on. Even when the boiling fire is really roaring - don’t. Let. Go.
See you later, Aquarius alligator! Your day will be defined by goodbyes. They might be bittersweet, joyful, or even tragic. But you know what they say - every ending is just a new beginning, and he won’t be able to escape.
Capricorn. Get ready.
Virgo, you really need to knuckle down as well. Maybe it’s the big presentation, and important interview, or a big dinner - between 5'9" and 5'10" in height. P.S. - BBQ sauce is 50% at Costco!
Looking chic, Scorpio. Whatever style you’ve lucked into is the one. Keep on wearing those stripes, denims, and cottons - you’re sure to stun on that Hollywood boardwalk. And if you really catch that big movie role, don’t let the [REDACTED] story leak out.
Taurus, it’s dinner time.
Sorry for your loss, Sagittarius. We’re not sure of the manner, but losing a loved one must be hard. Trust me, we’ve all been there. And soon, [REDACTED] will be too.
Gemini, buy some ketchup.
Libra, an air fryer is in your future.
2.
When the baby was born, everyone immediately knew that she was the one. The birthmark in the shape of the Hong Kong Revolution flag. The freckles outlining the 48 contiguous states. The hair which was a vibrant shade of blue. The teeth ordered front to back in order of size. The third arm. The way she whispered in serpents’ tongues instead of crying. The 17 natural disasters that simultaneously began at the moment she entered the world. The time - 9:73p.m. The gallons of root beer spilling forth from the flesh of the deceased midwife. The buttered bread falling right side up. The rain of cats and dogs. The planets aligned in the shape of Brad Pitt’s face. The indicator lights on every car outside synchronising. The date: the 13th day of the 13th year of the Confederate calendar. The guy named Brian who delivered the pizza that morning. The collapse of private equity. The extinction of the Brazilian river crane. The third “ once in a lifetime” financial crash of the decade. Obama’s 7th term. The release of Fast and Furious 59. The North star turning green. The North star turning purple. The North star sailing east and remaining Galadriel. Half Life 3.
Every sign was present - she would be the best shot-putter this world had ever seen.
The darkness stretched out to eternity, swallowing everything in its path. But floating in the depths of space was a speck of white, gleaming in the eternal light of the dark heavens. A space suit, with a decreasing oxygen supply and an enraged owner.
He looked out through his helmet, at the fading trail of his ship, shimmering like a lost dream. He still held his VIP ticket to the annual disco, though it was now a crumpled ball in his fist. He replayed his suit's recorded audio from the past hour, wincing as he heard his crewmates flattering tones, and the hiss as they shut the airlock. At least they had left his suit in there.
Behind the gold visor, his mouth set in a cold grimace - that would be their mistake; he vowed to find them. Breathing as little as was humanly possible, he began to inch his way in the direction of his ship's silver trail.
Want to get in on the fun, but too busy and/or anti-social and/or frightened of us to come to club meetings?
You can still share your work with us!
Even better, we’ll consider it for publication in our annual magazine, the Wordsmiths’ Gazette.
To submit, you MUST:
Be a Reading School student
Have your work neatly formatted in a Word document
Submit it to this Microsoft Form, where our Overlords teachers (Ms. Ellis and Ms. Peoples) and our student club leaders will review submissions: https://forms.office.com/e/pCHUX6WNVS
You CAN:
Submit work in any format (poem, novel excerpt, script, recipe...) and any genre, as long as it’s appropriate for school.
Request that your work be treated anonymously - the form will show your name (so don’t upload anything as a prank), but the club leaders can make sure your name is not read out to the club or published with the piece.
Lastly... our current challenge to inspire submissions: