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Love and sex? Yeah, they’re somewhat related. They can also be far from it, I know. But, being that it’s not completely prevalent elsewhere in the 2015 Sex Issue, I hope to throw in this edition at least a thought about the subject. At least, I can show my own vulnerability, as talking about the concept of love can make me feel as vulnerable as sexy times can, or at least as being naked can. And yep, I’m far from an expert on the topic of love. I’ve tried, I’ve failed, and I probably have an overall average understanding about it. It would be a disservice to myself, though, if I told myself I couldn’t talk about it; and I think it would be a disservice to anyone to believe that only experts are worthy of opinions. What I can offer is a willingness to talk about it, and the hope that I can promote an environment in which it is easier to talk about. As a man, especially, I want to show as often as I can that it’s okay to love, and to talk about loving, and say that that often feels more comfortable than prescribed, scripted,
off-hand man-talk that those of my gender too often slip into. When I feel love, I have a smaller ego, and lately, I’ve noticed my ego a lot. It’s that thing that tells me that I need to be smarter/ stronger/better than other people/ objects/housecats, etc. It’s a ridiculous part of being human. I feel the most welcoming of love when I feel egotistical fears have only their smallest grip on me, and thus, when I allow myself to be present, honest, and accepting.
When I am present, I feel ready to love. I feel focused on the immediate experiences around me, and sometimes, I can let myself try to forget the small pleasures of life I take for granted. Presence also provides a chance to focus on others, on the small parts of their personality that make them beautiful, and on how I view them, whether that way is fair or otherwise. When I am brave, I feel ready to love. And, in my less-thanaction-packed life, my braveness usually comes in the form of honesty. I recognize I’m scared of saying how I feel, and say it anyway. My hands shake during a public speech, but I speak. I feel myself
about to stutter, so I stutter anyway. I run head first into those fears and continue living. When I realize I don’t want any more than what I have (whatever that may be), I feel I ready to love. When there feels like there is a roof to the happiness that I’m receiving, and I want to break through that roof, to extend happiness, to extend pleasure, to extend whatever — I’m relieved in those times when I realize how silly this is; I come closer to the joy of accepting what I have right now. I hope you’re still with me. I’m not even sure if I know what love is. I could describe love as calm, serene, sincere, but these words can only touch a feeling. Everyone has to find and feel love for oneself, I’m certain. This isn’t always an easy battle for me, because facilitating these conditions takes a lot of effort on my end. But when it happens, it’s always beautiful. The feeling, of course, doesn’t have to be related to anything in the pants, or the bedroom; it doesn’t even have to be related to anyone but oneself. But if these acts that one does do come from the vulnerability, openness, honesty, and trust that come from love, and if there is consent and safety, then that is something to celebrate.
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NEWS
SFU’s sexual health clinic is expanding beyond providing physical care to providing psychological counselling. Nurse Barbara Chick spoke to The Peak about this new program, as well as the existing sexual health services offered on campus. Chick explained, “The exciting thing this year [is] that we have a mental health nurse with us. It started as a pilot project and she’s been extended ‘til March.” She listed identity, reproduction, and sexual assault as issues counselling can help with. “Sometimes it’s more about the emotional side of sexual health as well.”
Chick ran through how an appointment at the clinic typically
People have always tried to quantify their sexual experiences — by number of partners, number of orgasms, or duration. Technology has allowed us to find a hookup with a swipe of our fingers, as well as helping us achieve that orgasm through looking up new sex moves or with any of the interesting toys that are now on the market. Now, technology is able to more explicitly measure our sexual experiences in hopes of improving our time in the bedroom. Bondara’s SexFit is an innovative piece that has been coined “the pedometer for your penis.” This ring straps to the male genitals and does the usual job of restricting blood flow and providing a vibrating sensation; however, this item provides its wearer with some interesting added features.
July 6, 2015
news editor email
Melissa Roach associate news editor news@the-peak.ca
Samaah Jaffer
There are two clinics, and they are located at the Burnaby and Vancouver campuses. The Burnaby clinic is located close to Convocation Mall at MBC 0101, and the Vancouver clinic is on the lower concourse across from the SFU Bookstore in room number 300.
This is not a walk-in clinic. Appointments can be made by phone or in person and same day appointments may be possible based on availability.
works: a patient arrives, is led to an exam room, and goes through questions to establish a history of sexual health that may look at their most recent sexual contact and partners. “We need a little bit of a history to know what type of test to do,” explained Chick. She recommends that students also look into the SFU Women’s Centre, Out on Campus,
SexFit not only counts calories burned and registers thrusts per minute, but this device also allows an individual to send results to a trusted smartphone, wiith the possibility to share their bedroom stats with all of their friends and family on their favourite social networking sites. Adding to this already unique device, LED lights on SexFit light up when one has attained the perfect rhythm. SexFit is currently in the prototype stage, so it may
and the Condom Club which distributes condoms, lube, and sexual health education on a biweekly basis in the AQ. Chick acknowledged that coming into the clinic can be daunting for most students. “Sometimes it’s very hard for people to say what’s going on. For example, if it’s a genital lesion or it’s a wart or something.” She elaborated, “I think the goal of any of our staff here is just to help somebody feel
be a while for this unique device to hit the markets and to be available at a store near you.
Another upcoming gadget for the bedroom is an innovation
comfortable enough. . . that they’re in a safe environment to share what their concern is.” The clinic is a safe space for students of all genders and orientations. Chick said, “Everybody here is very open and all of us are trying to use the right language in communicating with individuals [. . .] I think if somebody is, for example, transitioning or not sure if they can trust us, it would be good for them to know [that] it’s a safe place here.”
that transforms Google Glass into a sexual gadget. Glance is an app that promises to give the wearer a different view of all the events that are carried out in the bedroom. Bringing the sex tape to a whole new level, Glance claims to “bring a new perspective on personal experiences.” While wearing the Google glasses in the sack may not be the most appealing, this app offers one to view their partner’s perspective in hopes of heating up the experience. Not only can you watch from your partner’s view, but Glance allows you to replay the entire event later on from a smartphone. These videos are available to watch for five hours, and are automatically deleted at the end of the time period. With technology advancing and infiltrating an individual’s most private and personal areas of their lives, sex is being quantified in more ways than ever before.
gender doctor? One may request female and male doctors on staff — however, the nurses are female.
Unfortunately. the clinic will not perform blood tests on site, but will give you the appropriate requisition forms to get a test elsewhere. Patients return to the clinic within two weeks for results.
The clinic performs STI tests at any time as well as PAP tests. The clinic is certain cases can also perform breast exams and test for UTIs (Urinary Tract Infections).
Yes. The clinic is well stocked with NUVA rings and oral contraceptives (which range from $15 to $20), but must be prescribed by a clinic doctor. IUDs (intrauterine devices) are also available.
The clinic offers pre-natal testing and doctors will care for a patient initially before referring to an obstetrician. For women who wish to terminate a pregnancy the clinic will provide information about resources and make referrals as needed.
Appointments are covered by MSP and free to book, although there is a cancellation fee if not enough notice is given. The SFSS health plan will cover any vaccinations (for example Gardasil for HPV) up to $150 every year.
NEWS
SFU is bringing sexual issues to the forefront and into the classroom. This semester, SFU offered two courses on human sexuality in the psychology department and in the political science department. Sex, Love, and Politics from Classical Greece to Contemporary Times taught by Genevieve Fuji Johnson, and Psychological Perspectives on Human Sexuality taught by Rebecca Cobb both explore the nature of human sexuality. Political Science 419, Sex, Love and Politics from Classical Greece to Contemporary Times, explores aspects of sex from a political perspective. Some of the topics in the course include defining and demarcating citizenship with regards to sex, its regulation for productive and reproductive purposes, and the exploitative and violent aspects of sex. Despite the sensitive subject matter of the course, Fuji Johnson says the course sees a high enrolment. “I think because there’s ‘sex’ in the title of the course it’s very popular. It’s usually oversubscribed.
Experts encourage partners to be communicative with each other during intercourse, but the neighbours of one Swiss couple think they’ve taken that too much to heart. A resident of Rosengarten apartments in Untersiggenthal, in the Swiss canton of Aargau, soon got tired of being woken up in the middle of the night by a neighbouring couple having noisy sex. Angry with the nocturnal activities, he decided to write down his frustrations in an open letter to the building in order to shame the rowdy couple to tone it down between the sheets. In his letter he wrote, “At the beginning [it] was quite
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This means that the students who enroll typically have high GPAs and are in the fourth year or beyond. So, the class discussions are always really thoughtful and informed.”
She continued, “Students are always very respectful. We do discuss a wide range of topics that many find quite personal, but I can’t say that it’s ever been awkward, at least not for me.”
amusing to listen through the walls and windows to their loud mating rituals, but still, in the long run, I have to say as a neighbour it just sucks.” He also went on to further explain his grievances: “It’s no fun to explain [to visitors] that ‘Oh God, I’m coming’ [has] nothing to do with religion or suicide.” This disgruntled neighbour wasn’t the only one who had complains against the couple. After the media got involved, another neighbour from a different building added that they could hear the sex noises through open window in their building as well. On the flip side, the response from many others to the annoyed neighbour was: “Buy earplugs.” There are some who feel that it’s none of their business, with another resident saying that “sex in your own home should still be allowed.” The conflict sparked debate on whether the neighbour’s complaints made in public were a violation of privacy.
The course also focuses on patriarchy, same-sex marriages, gender identity/expression, polygamy, pornography, and prostitution. The Peak asked Fuji Johnson if there was one particularly important aspect of the course she hoped students would take away from the class. “I really want students to consider how very fundamentally personal issues are political,” she responded. “I want them to think about how their personal lives are socially constructed and to be critical of the role of norms, policies, and laws in this construction.”
The Untersiggenthal resident felt it was within his rights to post a note detailing his disdain on the door to the parking area of the couple’s the building, but Walter Angst of the building’s tenant association asserted that no one should be expected to keep quiet during sex and the sort of complaint that was publicly posted could be grounds
Psychology 367, Psychological Perspectives on Human Sexuality, examines research on sexual topics such as gender differences in sexuality, sexual orientation, and sexual arousal. The objective of the course is for students to be able to critically evaluate claims about sexuality through empirical research. Cobb commented on how students typically respond to the topics and content of the course: “At first, students are sometimes reluctant to ask questions or to respond to questions during lecture, but after a few small group discussions, they quickly become more comfortable.” She continued, “I have had students comment that this was the first time they said words like ‘porn’ or ‘orgasm’ out loud during class in front of a hundred other students. They seemed almost shocked that they were able to muster the confidence to do so.” The course will also dive into the history of sex research, attitudes about sex, sexual orientation, communication about sex, sex motives, sexual fantasy, and pornography. Cobb expressed her aspirations for the students taking her class: “I hope students will build on what they have learned to have effective conversations with their partner about sexual issues. Start talking about sex early and often in your intimate relationships, but it is never too late to start.”
for legal action on account of violation of privacy. So, what’s the deal with noisy sex in our home province? According to BC’s Privacy Act, “privacy may be violated by eavesdropping or surveillance, whether or not accomplished by trespass.” The problems outlined in the letter were a result of accidental eavesdropping since the noise
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This year’s Indian Summer Festival will feature talks on issues about collective silence and personal trauma, as well as taxi drivers and their experiences. Located in SFU’s Goldcorp Centre on July 10, tickets are $15 for one talk, or $20 for both. The first talk will begin at 6 p.m., and the second at 8 p.m.
Does local produce pique your interest? Looking to buy some fresh fruit and veggies? The Surrey Urban Farmers Market is being held on July 8 from 1 p.m. to 6 p.m. at the Surrey City Hall Plaza. Local musicians will be attending to entertain, and there will be demonstrations of various recipes.
was loud enough for residents in other apartments to hear clearly. In BC, there are exceptions to the violations of the the Privacy Act: “A publication of a matter is not a violation of privacy if (a) the matter published was of public interest or was fair comment on a matter of public interest, or (b) the publication was privileged in accordance with the rules of law relating to defamation.” An unhappy Vancouverite wrote into Dan Savage’s love column in The Georgia Straight also complaining about neighbours having loud sex. Savage explained, “Your creepy neighbour with the hipster mustache and his girlfriend can be as loud as the hell they want when they’re makin’ love.” He added, “But you and your wife — their annoyed neighbours — can be as loud as the hell you want when they’re making love. You can pound on the walls, [. . .] make your displeasure known, scream and yell, et cetera.”
6 NEWS
SFU alumnus Ashley Monks is changing the way we think of sex hormones by examining their role in neurological and muscular development from a biopsychological perspective. Sex hormones, the most commonly known being testosterone and estradiol, are already known to play a role in our pubescent development and sexual arousal. However, the link between sex hormones and nervous and muscular system development have never been fully developed. Monks is trying to change that. His lab at the University of Toronto primarily use their days to research sexual differentiation and the link between sex hormones and development. In an SFU media release, Monks explained, “My research seeks to understand how sex hormones shape the nervous system and how the brain is organized, and ultimately to uncover the biological basis behind what makes
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men and women different and how that actually works.” Monks’ previous research has shown that sex hormones can rewire the adult brain and its motor neurons responsible for sending messages around the body. It was previously believed that protein molecules called cadherins, which facilitate cell adhesion and binding of tissues, were only active in the early developmental stages of human growth. However, Monks’ lab successfully established that sex hormones can trigger and regulate cadherin activity throughout our entire life. This led Monks to the conclusion that sex hormones, through cadherin activity, directly affect neural development, even in fully matured adults.
Monks looked at the muscular development of Arctic ground squirrels, who undergo rapid and uninterrupted muscle growth in preparation for the winter hibernation season. Such rapid growth would cause
[CORVALLIS, USA] — Public health and human sciences professor Dr. Kathy Greaves will no longer be publishing her weekly column, “Dr. Sex,” in The Daily Barometer. The column is being cancelled due to the negative responses she received, undermining her professional and expert opinion: “This year, the comments have been particularly biting.” In her parting column, Greaves explained that her main goal was to provide the students with a comprehensive sexual education, “acknowledging the existence of behaviors beyond the obvious and the stereotypical.” With files from The Daily Barometer
a number of negative side effects if it were to occur in the human body. Monks and other researchers found that in the summer Arctic ground squirrels have 10 to 200 times the normally observed levels of androgens (testosterone and other male sex hormones) than other squirrels. The squirrels also had four times the androgen muscular receptors, allowing the muscles to detect the hormones and increase their growth. However, the ground squirrels have fewer hormone receptors than normal in their lymph nodes, and the lymph nodes are unable to detect the increased levels of androgen in the blood stream. This diminishes the negative side effects of increased sex hormones in their bodies. This research presents a whole new set of side effects of both the medical usage of hormone replacement therapy and the use of steroids to aid muscle development. Monks’ research reveals that while muscular development is regulated and aided by sex hormones, the use of hormonal
[EVANSTON, USA] — An essay titled “Head Nurses,” published in Atrium, a bioethics magazine edited by Northwestern faculty members, sparked controversy that led to the temporary removal of the online edition, and the potential termination of the publication. The essay, written by Syracuse University professor William Peace, talked about receiving oral sex from a nurse while he was hospitalized due to a spinal cord injury. “I did not think that it would cause such a giant controversy, that it would take down the entire issue for 14 months and maybe the magazine permanently,” commented Peace. With files from The Daily Northwestern
therapy can not only lead to negative muscular and sexual growth, but also affect neurological development. Monks uses his research to find new methods for treating muscular diseases such as muscular atrophy and Kennedy’s disease, both affecting the transmission of nervous signals
[CARDIFF, UK] — A student at Cardiff University is encouraging others to attempt something he’s crossed off his bucket list: a roll in the hay with a fellow student in the quiet corners of the library. The Tab article noted, “Indeed, this kind of act probably happens more than many, including the uni staff, like to think [. . .] Consider the veritable bounty of out-of-sight, out-of-mind corners in our libraries, where all sorts of naughty things may be happening.” With files from The Tab
between the nervous system and the muscular system. By shedding light on unknown links between sex hormones — previously thought to only aid in sexual development — and the rest of the body, Monks hopes his research will change the way scientists will use and treat sex hormones.
[SYDNEY, AUS] — A recent study conducted at the University of New South Wales (UNSW) Australia has established a link between the reasons people choose to playing violent video games and their sexual desires. Test subjects were asked to give themselves a “mate value,” rating their potential as a romantic and sexual partner. Both females and males who played more violent video games were more interested in sex. There was no connection between the perceived “mate value” and the number of violent video games played by males, however, “women who played violent video games more thought of themselves as a better catch than those who played them less.” With files from UNSW Newsroom
OPINIONS
Many people place the ‘pervy,’ ‘gross,’ ‘weird,’ even ‘criminal’ labels on those who have sexual fetishes. In reality, there isn’t anything wrong with having gratification from certain ‘creative’ intimate desires. Feet seem to be the most prominent (or at least the most discussed!) fetish out there, and yeah, some people find feet hot! Many other harmless fetishes can be hot, too — depending on what type of thing you’re into. Nothing like a little toe-time in bed to spice up your sex life, amirite?
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Yeah, that Cleveland Steamer stuff? (Look it up, I dare you.) Not my deal. This fetish is seriously beyond me; the fact that someone can be intimate with a turd throws my gag reflexes into full force, and has me questioning what it means to be human. Not to mention, the serious illnesses someone could pick up from rolling around in bed with their mud bunny are enough to turn someone off of sex for a reaaally long time. Keep Mr. Hanky in the toilet, guys.
Words are sexy! A few intimate words in someone’s ear can really heat up the mood and enhance somebody’s sex drive. Dirty talk has a romantic and pleasurable strength in adding personality to your hot night in the sack. Most people think that dirty talk has to be taken to the extreme, though it can just let you step out of your comfort zone a little further, and perhaps give yourself the courage to take on a dominant role during sex.
opinions editor email
My apologies, but if we’re going to do the whole ‘throw some one on the bed, wrench open those legs, and wail through the nasty as fast as we can,’ then I’m not interested. Pornhub should not be your sexual ‘go-to’ manual. Sure, things can get a little rough, but ultimately the birds and the bees should not equate to practically ripping someone’s body in half. Let’s put some real pleasure and intimacy back into sex, please.
Adam Van der Zwan opinions@the-peak.ca
Oh those crazy, early college years! More of us than I’d care to admit have probably encountered a night of getting a little frisky after a drink or two. We’re both single. We’re both buzzed. We’ve just graduated high school; let’s be honest, sex is all we think about! It’s time to live up our prime! Afterwards we can joke and exaggerate the story about what a rompin’ party it was. A couple beers or shots can finish a hot date with a bang, if you get my drift.
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“Oh haay baby, I [hic!] jus had twelve shawts. How much diyouu have? Ten? Awwbaby tha’s soo hot, we should get it on — Wha? Oh cawndums? Hah, you muss be jokin’. [Burp!] Awwh babe, I think I jus puked in my mouth a lil bit.” Wasted sex isn’t great, no matter how many dudes tell you it’s fantastic. Apart from potentially obscuring mutual consent, your speech is slurred, the world spins, you feel sick. How are you supposed to have a satisfactory night when you can’t even move properly? Maybe you should just go to sleep.
8 OPINIONS
S is for Safety. Sexting sure has gotten a bad rap lately. A host of scandals over revenge porn, stolen photographs, and underage sex have resulted in a widespread uproar over the dangers of sexting. These issues bring up good points, and people are right to worry. But just like sex, sexting can be awesome — provided you take the proper precautions.
Make sure to only sext with someone that you trust. Talk with your partner(s) before sexting, and consider setting some ground rules on what you’re comfortable with and what’s off limits. And don’t forget to make absolutely sure that neither partner is allowed to send photos to anyone else. E is for Eroticism. We’re in the information age, which means there are more ways than ever to keep a sexual relationship fresh and fun. And what could be better than getting a saucy sext in the middle of a boring business meeting, or a gruelling hike, or an uncomfortable bus ride? Especially for couples on busy schedules or trying to make long-distance work, sexting
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can be a great way to keep a spark alive. Plus, few things will boost your self-esteem more than finding the perfect angle for that naked selfie. X is for eXpression. Sexting forces partners to be creative. It’s the modern love letter, and the best sexters are master storytellers, weaving complex erotic fantasies with only a few words and a phone camera. Whether you’re engaging in role playing or just imagining what it would be like to hold your partner in your arms, sexting isn’t just a workout for your thumbs — it’s a workout for your brain, the biggest and most important sex organ of all. T is for Timeliness. What will sexual relationships in the future look like? Will we use robotic sex toys and watch porn in virtual reality? Will we plug into the cloud for online orgies and 3D print our blow up dolls? The future is tough to predict, and sex in 25 years will probably look even stranger than any of those examples. But congratulations, fellow sexters — we’re at the forefront of the new sexual revolution, using all the technology at our disposal to get freaky and keep our partners satisfied. Don’t let the Luddites get you down: you’re getting busy in ways your grandparents could only dream of.
Sexting? Seriously? Sexting? No, I can’t picture that. No, I have no idea what that feels like. Wow, that was a weird description. I’m turning off my phone. There is a reason why sexting is popular among tweens and teens, and less so among adults: it’s a lot less exciting to describe sexy events when you could be doing a real thing. Sexting is boring, it’s not sexy, and it pales in comparison to literally anything two consenting people could be doing in real life.
You want to write some sexy stuff to a consensual lover? Cool! Write them a letter. Pour your creativity into lovingly-written verse, and let your sexiness flow from the twirls of the pen, or whatever. You and that person want to tell each other sexy stuff? Nice. Call them. Let them hear the sexiness, the desire, the passion ooze out of your molasses voice, your honeydew lips, and all that. Use the other vast-majority of expressions that come from speaking the words, which go beyond sending them typed.
So you’re both okay with kissing each other’s faces? That’s fly. Do it to it. But don’t just kiss; get excited to kiss. Look at their lips like you did before the first time they met yours. Like the first time you felt welcomed desire overwhelming you; you leaned in closer, you held them and could feel their hot breath on your neck. Your lips planted gently on their cheek. You saw their lips beautiful and golden, and you were confident to share your own. You offered your lips and yourself by coming in closer, and waited tensly for them to fill in the space. Remember? You can make any kiss as sexy as your first sexy kiss. You and your consensual lover are ready to get physical? That’s dope. Have a private hot tub date (private — not a public pool, with the chlorine and the strangers). Have a bedroom date (also private, preferably). In the pool, let the bubbles soothe you, buy something lavander, get all relaxed and that. In the bed, clean the sheets, make them soft, touch each other and stuff. If sexting is your only resort, whatever, do it; it’s your boring funeral. If you and your lover under covers want to have some real-life sexy fun, though, try doing literally anything else. Just be safe if you’re gonna touch junk or whatever.
OPINIONS
I almost fell off my seat after reading this: a few 14-year-olds from Isaac Newton Academy in Britain had invented a condom that glows different colours depending on what type of disease or infection you have. I thought, “Well, at least when they start actually having sex they’ll know to be responsible about it!”
While the contraceptive S.T. EYE is still in the concept phase, it has been receiving a lot of media attention, probably due to the fact that such an invention was created by students so young.
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This striking youthfulness is reflected in the product itself: I can’t imagine a more awkward type of sexual technology that would kill the mood faster. This is a creation that could only be invented by sexually inexperienced teenagers who do not yet understand that using this condom would be the absolute worst time to learn you have a sexually transmitted disease or infection. If anything, this new idea should be a reminder that if we’re unsure about ourselves, we should get ourselves tested before we have sex with our partner, rather than to experience that heart-stopping glow beneath the sheets. One of the teens told The Daily Mail at a TeenTech conference that the condom would allow people to “take immediate action in the privacy of their own homes without the invasive procedures at the doctors.” Alright, the kid has a point. Doctors can be scary and uncomfortable, and while I personally put my faith in medical care professionalism and confidentiality, I can see how others wouldn’t be so keen. In this case, rather than to share
that glorious ‘moment of truth’ with your significant other, it may be best to develop this technology into something a little more personal. The condom is designed to hold molecules that will attach to STD bacteria which will then cause the glow. So, why does this technology have to be in a condom? Couldn’t we create something equivalent to a pregnancy test, in which people could privately test themselves before engaging in sexual activity?
I get it, people just want to have sex. Masturbation is boring and lonely when I have a warm body to share the experience with. And besides, buying a glowing disease test at the pharmacy is even more awkward than buying the actual condoms. However, I strongly feel that for those who care about their sexual health and value their privacy, the market will be there for such a device.
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The concept is groundbreaking, but now it has to be taken from the hands of three teens and usefully adapted to something that will be quick, convenient, and allow both men and women to take immediate action in the privacy of their own homes without other witnesses involved. Let people enjoy protected sex to fullest with a good ol’ Trojan. Sexual diseases are incredibly personal; we really must respect that fact and keep it this way.
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ARTS
arts editor email
July 6, 2015
Tessa Perkins arts@the-peak.ca
COMIC CONNOISSEUR
Suggest that you go for a walk and explore — in Gastown, for example. Now you “happen” to come across this coffee shop and suggest grabbing a cup, pretending you didn’t look it up on Yelp beforehand.
Beach Trip First date Here’s a classic for a first date with a bit of a twist. Instead of heading to your nearest Starbucks, do a little research and find a local coffee shop in a cool part of town.
After the first few dates, head down to the nearest beach to walk along the pier and grab some ice cream while watching the sunset. This also works in the winter: in a pre-storm, bundle up, get some hot
sfu.ca/sca
chocolates, and snuggle up while you watch the wild waves crash.
Let’s Get Physical Being physically active on a date can be lots of fun, so why not spend a day at Stanley Park and rent some bikes to ride around the sea wall? Finish off your date by enjoying a picnic at one of the many grassy spots in Stanley Park.
Starry Night If possible, have a campfire in your backyard, roast some marshmallows, and make s’mores together. Crack a cider or two and lay down on a blanket to watch the stars. Come up with your own names for constellations that you find, and maybe some backstories, too. If the fire isn’t possible, simply substitute with some good tunes to add to the atmosphere.
Movie Marathon
CONTEMPORARY ARTS FOR ALL FPA 104 - MUSIC FUNDAMENTALS Tuesdays 8:30 - 10:20 am | Blusson Hall 9660 FPA 135 - INTRODUCTION TO CINEMA [B-HUM] Wednesdays 5:30 - 8:20 pm | Blusson Hall 9660 FPA 149 - SOUND [QUANTITATIVE] Thursdays 4:30 - 7:20 pm | Education Building 7618 FPA 168 - VISUAL ART & CULTURE II [B-HUM] Tuesdays 5:30 - 8:20 pm | Blusson Hall 9660
Dates can be expensive, so why not spend a night in? Do an ‘80s movies marathon of all your favorites, like Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and The Breakfast Club. Even deck yourself out in the appropriate ‘80s apparel — rock those neon colours and leg warmers. For a pre-movie activity, make your favourite movie snacks. Look up some recipes for caramel popcorn, or bake some cookies together to munch on during these classics.
Bonus Points: Fancy Pants You’ve been dating for a while now, and it’s a good idea to treat yourself once in a while. Impress your beloved by getting all dressed up and heading to the Vancouver Art Gallery. From there go for a nice dinner at one of Vancouver’s up and coming restaurants for a full three-course meal. Order an appetizer to share, cocktails, the entree, and a dessert. Spare no expense. A personal favorite of mine is Nuba in Gastown. Now you’re classy.
Dear Sex Criminals, I have thought about you very often these last couple months and I have come to one conclusion: I think I am in love with you. Nothing else makes me feel quite the same as you do. When I look upon you, I feel so alive. With you I laugh, I cry, and I reach the highest throes of joy and bliss. Sex Criminals, you are unlike anything I have ever experienced in my quarter century of life. To the ignorant and tasteless few you are perceived as a cheap and graphic Harlequin novel, but deep inside I know you have a wonderful heart. You are without a doubt the steamiest graphic novel I have had the fortune to flip through, and also the most well-written. Your story follows a simple and succinct subject: the old trope of boy meets girl — injected with one rather heartstopping twist. When this particular couple meet and become infatuated with one another, they stumble upon each other’s closely hidden secret. Upon achieving an orgasm, both Suzie and Jon can freeze time. Capitalizing on their talent, this brand new couple opts to use their powers to rob the bank that Jon works at to save Suzie’s library from foreclosure. What follows is a story that tickles one’s fancy as much as it tickles one’s heart.
The art within you is so wonderful to behold. It is so in sync with the script, it’s hard to tell who the real hero is — the writer or the artist. Sex Criminals, if you are anything at all, you are testament to two individuals collaborating perfectly with one another. If that were not enough, you have done the unthinkable in the medium of graphic novels, a feat not even the most acclaimed writers and artists have ever attempted: you audaciously included a musical number to Queen’s “Fat Bottomed Girls” — a song for which you did not even have the rights to. This is proof alone that you make the rocking world go round. Above all, your captivating commentary on relationships today is immensely poignant and pulls no punches. You highlight the good as much as you do the bad — never painting things as they should be, but as they are. You perfectly render the lust-fuelled intensity that ignites the start of a romance, followed by the reckless abandon, and shortly after, the death rattle of the honeymoon phase. Yet, you never leave us cynical or without hope, but ever more excited at the notion of sharing a similar relationship to Jon and Suzie’s in the foreseeable future. I owe everything to Matt Fraction and Chip Zdarsky for bringing you into existence; you truly are the apple of your creators’ eyes. Without them conceiving you I cannot imagine where I would be. My dear, I must have more of you or I risk losing my mind. You are as daring as you are vivacious and it makes me so hot. Simply put, darling, I must have more of you in my life. Yours forever, The Comic Connoisseur
ARTS
July 6, 2015
“Every Other Freckle” by alt-J
“Bump n’ Grind” by R. Kelly
This British alternative rock outfit delivers lines like “Turn you inside out/and lick you like a crisp packet” with the utmost sincerity that makes their strangely specific yearnings all the more endearing. This folksy tune on their latest album, “This is All Yours,” sees frontman Joe Newman promising his lover that he wants “every other freckle.”
“My mind’s telling me no/But my body, my body’s telling me yes.” So begins this train wreck of a song, and I wish I could tell you it gets classier. Instead, R. Kelly rhapsodizes about not seeing anything wrong “with a little bump n’ grind.” Besides this song attempting (and failing) to make coercive sexual contact “sexy,” it’s also just plain gross. Especially considering Kelly was charged with possession of child pornography and having sex with an underage girl. Listen to your mind, Kelly.
Any song by The Weeknd “Sexual Healing” by Marvin Gaye Leave it to legendary R&B crooner Marvin Gaye to make a slow burning torch song that is simultaneously raunchy and romantic. Singing about how he’s “hot just like an oven,” Gaye makes horniness sound poetic (take note, Pitbull). Most importantly, his lyrics invite his partner’s consent instead of infantilizing or degrading her. For a modern update on this song try the breezy EDM remix by Norwegian DJ Kygo.
Toronto R&B artist Abel Tesfaye (or The Weeknd) is burning up the charts and for good reason. His smooth, sometimes trippy songs are punctuated with stuttering beats and a nuanced soundscape. His lyrics are overtly sexual and fluctuate between romantic and bizarrely menacing. Songs to check out include “Often,” “High for This,” and the sure-to-be-hit, “Can’t Feel My Face.”
“Anaconda” by Nicki Minaj
“Blurred Lines (feat. Pharrell and TI)” by Robin Thicke
Naysayers be damned: this is a song about butts and I’m down with that. Minaj spits over a creeping jungle beat and a sample from “Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix-a-Lot. She assures you that she “ain’t missin’ no meals.” While brandishing her sexuality with agency and confidence, Ms. Minaj is not known for her subtlety; you should check your hearing if you think this song is about reptiles by the end.
This song has been critiqued to death, but I’ll indulge myself just another stab at whatever remains of this song’s goodwill. This is a song that trivializes female consent and glorifies a machismo pursuit of women’s bodies with an absurd level of entitlement. The video takes this a step further by infantilizing the female models and making me think poorly of Pharrell, who should know better.
“I Kissed a Girl” by Katy Perry Katy Perry is edgy and she wants you to know it. This former Christian rocker tries desperately to shed her good girl image by doing the sexiest and most provocative thing she can think of — kissing another girl. Still think this song is progressive? How about a heteronormative male fantasy of female sexuality?
Any Song By Pitbull Pitbull, otherwise known as the worst part of your favourite songs, forces you to answer the question, “Why is he a thing?” Pitbull seems to think his objectification of women is charming and fun. Take this lyric from smash hit “Timber”: “I have ‘em like Miley Cyrus, clothes off/ Twerking in their bras and thongs.” Charmed yet? Pitbull’s cringe-inducing lyrics turn semi-enjoyable songs like “Time of our Lives” into unbearable celebrations of misogyny.
In the last 20 years I’ve had more exposure to Michael Jackson as a cultural punchline than as a musician. What some people seem to forget is that before he was a mega star, before he was a smooth criminal, before he was a controversial figure, and before he became a joke, he was simply an amazing musician. My pick for sexiest album of all time looks past all that controversy — even past Thriller. My pick for the sexiest album of all time is Michael Jackson’s 1979 release, Off the Wall. All things considered, this album is great simply due to its sheer production value and talent. Not only did Jackson have a solid team of musicians backing him on it, he also had none other than famed producer Quincy Jones manning the board. The resulting album is a combination of disco, funk, R&B, soft rock, and jazz that just grooves. Aside from excellent production and musicianship, the songs are well crafted. Jackson sings a selection of numbers written by himself, Stevie Wonder, Rod Temperton, and Paul McCartney. One standout track is “Girlfriend,” a Paul McCartneypenned slow jam propelled by a bouncy bass and some classic analog synth work from before the days of MIDI. The
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song is nowhere near as good as any of McCartney’s other post-Beatles work, either as a solo artist or with Wings, but as one of the more mellow tracks, it stands out here. “It’s the Falling in Love” is probably the hottest “filler” track on the album that didn’t become a hit. This is classic disco, except the song is actually good. No disrespect to Diana Ross, but disco doesn’t have the greatest longevity — I suggest you enjoy it in small doses of well-written pop songs. Finally, the real work of art here is the album’s sexiest song: “Rock with You.” This track was a massive hit for Michael Jackson, and it stands out as one of the best cuts on the album, rivaled only by “Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough.” “Rock with You” regularly appears on the Michael Jackson greatest hits and compilation albums that continue to be released posthumously. I won’t argue that this song is better than “Thriller,” “Bad,” “Beat It,” or any of the other hits that Jackson has enjoyed throughout his career, but this may be one of his bestcrafted songs: solid groove, great hook, sexy all around. The sexiness of this album might not be apparent upon first listen, but the combination of disco and R&B provides the perfect amount of groove for any kind of loving. This is the kind of music that demands you move as you listen. For bonus points, play this record on vinyl, or better yet eight-track tape, for some really sophisticated romancing. Remember to stretch properly before and after, and always hydrate regularly.
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One human experience that still needs more artistic exploration is sex. There is a discomfort associated with sexual activity and talking about sexual experiences that I find curious. This uneasiness seems to cause filmmakers to neglect sex scenes as legitimate tools for storytelling. We Canadians exist in an interesting semi-open minded era. The proverbial Canadian millennial is a tech-savvy, liberal thinker who embraces diversity and the unorthodox in a way that
July 6, 2015
would have been unthinkable in generations past. Tradition and convention, though, still seem to play a huge role in how people
communicate. While freedom of speech is a right, the court of public opinion dictates what can or cannot be said out loud.
The threat of social prosecution restricts conversation to topics deemed “appropriate.” This is where art becomes invaluable. Artists have the ability to separate who they are from what they express as creative entities. This makes them an exception to the social rule of political correctness. Art, with its wide range and diverse meanings, is not being used to its full potential in terms of its capacity to circumvent restriction. There are many aspects of the human experience that are not being explored as much as they should be. Too often, the sex scene in movies is skimmed over. The viewer understands with a few images that two characters are intimate but does not conceptualize its significance to the film as a whole. As outmoded as it is now, I have to point to the Twilight saga. A lot of time was spent setting up an epic love story. From the dangers of a human-vampire relationship to Edward’s insecurities about hurting his “soulmate,” there was a buildup to what was meant to be a monumental love scene. I was
unimpressed — the art of the scene was simply average. When the image of Edward breaking the bed frame was shown, I could feel the desperation to make the scene “out of this world,” but I learned nothing new or interesting about the characters or their relationship. The scene existed just for the sake of it. In other cases, the physical act of sex is overemphasized and unnecessary. It feels as though the the plot and characters are forgotten in favour of titillation. Films like these are more suitable under the category of pornography. The key to a good sex scene on screen is truth; the best ones are honest. Honesty, in this sense, does not necessarily mean realism; what separates an artistic depiction of sex from cheap titillation is the factor of storytelling behind it. In film, sex can add something interesting to the storyline. Does the scene embody the awkwardness and nervousness of having sex for the first time? Is the point of the scene to showcase an unhappy marriage? For the sake of humour and irony, is the scene a parody of sex itself? In the film The Duchess, the sex scenes were brilliantly used to depict the relationship the protagonist had with her two partners. A cold marriage against a passionate affair. Rather than the exaggerated combination of movements and moans displayed in Fifty Shades of Grey, the sex scenes in The Duchess were not only relevant to the story, but executed in an intriguing way. Sex involves a wide range of emotions and activities, but this does not mean artists should shy away from the subject. Filmmakers have the rare opportunity in this era to explore sex in a public space, and attempt to understand all its complicated intricacies. They should take complete advantage of it.
HUMOUR
From hosting a nude stand-up show to constructing a blanket fort in the Astoria every month, Emma Cooper’s resumé reads like the bucket list you never realized you wanted to have. The Peak catches up with the Vancouver comedian to discuss vulnerability, the comedic differences between male and female nudity, and why making people laugh is the sexiest part of being a comedian. What are some of the ways you’re involved with comedy in Vancouver? I host a monthly show in a blanket fort on the first Tuesday of every month called BlanketFort Storytime. We build a blanket fort together and then comedians tell stories in it. Along with Mark Hughes and Abby Normal, I also co-created a naked stand-up show called Exposed. I think we’re going to do that seasonally, so the next one will be at the end of August at 303 Columbia. I think my role in comedy in Vancouver is to be a floater around different scenes and see what’s up/ what I like and then pull stuff together. I’ve just been trying to figure out what’s happening so that I can interject comedy into other things. What can you tell me about Exposed? Mark Hughes posted in the Vancouver stand-up comedy forum saying, “They’re doing a naked show in New York. Who wants in?” and Abby and I both wanted to do it. The comedy was great because everyone who performed had sincere, honest sets. It was really nice and funny and the audience was on board right
humour editor email
July 6, 2015
from the start. They realized that the performers were already vulnerable from being naked. What are you going to do, heckle a naked person? We forget that comedians are making themselves vulnerable all of the time, but they’ve just got clothes on. I’m glad the Exposed show worked out because I think there’s just so much more space for vulnerability in comedy. What was it like performing naked on stage? You just walk up naked and just do it. I didn’t think about it because people were primed for it. People joke that it’s cheap to get naked; it would be cheap if we hadn’t built an intentional space with it. We thought about it and, for me, it was about people trusting us more and that allows us to tell stories. That’s why the naked is happening — and if it’s just a novelty, flash in the pan, then no one will come to the next one and we’ll know everyone just came to see tits, clits, and dicks.
There’s been a rise in using male nudity to a comedic effect, such as in Borat or Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Do you think the same could be argued for female nudity? Comedically, I think female and male nudity have different trajectories because they’re loaded differently. With male nudity, you’re exploring the idea of vulnerability but also being comedic with it. Female nudity, you’re deconstructing the male gaze. Both are coming at it like, “We don’t let men be vulnerable but we don’t let women be sexual,” so if it’s funny, you’re chipping away at some element of those assumptions.
So that’s why I’m naked on Robson Street for Vulnerability Vigils, I walk through the film Orgies Happening Tonight naked, I’m naked at Rent Cheque, I do naked comedy. I’m naked a bunch and in all of the contexts I’ve been naked in, I’ve always had power, and most people don’t know how to act when there’s a woman in power. If you’re on the street naked, creeps will come up to you and be like, “Are you naked?” and you say, “Yeah, I’m naked and holding a sign” and they don’t know what to say and they just leave. But if someone was wearing a short skirt, then they would slap your ass or catcall. I’m not saying anyone’s asking for it ever, but there’s a pattern and if you’re breaking pattern, then you’re in control, which is where you need to be to get laughs too. Because this will be in The Peak’s annual sex issue, could you give us an example of a time you drew on sex as a source for comedy? I like telling jokes about sex because there’s a lot of humbleness that comes with sex and a lot of learning. I think that by sharing — and oversharing — you give people the opportunity to relate to your experiences and feel human. That’s one of my endgames for comedy. I think some people see it as brave, but it’s actually just my natural disposition. What’s the sexiest part of being a comedian? Making people laugh is sexy. Laughter is involuntary. You have to actually earn it, so when you have a genuine laughter response, it’s really great.
Jacey Gibb humour@the-peak.ca
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July 6, 2015
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