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SEX & MONEY

PLEASURES THAT LEAVE YOU EMPTY AND GRACE THAT SATISFIES

LEADER’S GUIDE BY PAUL DAVID TRIPP WITH MICHAEL E. BREECE, CONTRIBUTOR

© 2013 Paul Tripp Ministries All rights reserved. 7214 Frankford Avenue Philadelphia, PA 19135 (800) 551-6595 Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

PERMISSIONS You are permitted to reproduce and distribute this Discussion Guide and the accompanying Leader’s Guide unlimited times, provided that you do not charge for the material or alter the content in any way without written permission. You are not permitted to reproduce or distribute the DVD in any way.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Paul David Tripp is a pastor, author, and international conference speaker. He is the president of Paul Tripp Ministries and works to connect the transforming power of Jesus Christ to everyday life. This vision has led Paul to write many books on Christian living and travel around the world preaching and teaching. Paul’s driving passion is to help people understand how the gospel of Jesus Christ speaks with practical hope into all the things people face in this broken world. For additional resources, visit www.paultripp.com.

TABLE OF CONTENTS A Word of Welcome Elements of the Study

We’ve Gone Crazy 6 It’s All Vertical

The Highest Pleasure (I) 14 The Highest Pleasure (II) 17 Sex is Worship 20 Sex Isn’t About You 23 Your Money Matters 27 Life and Money 30 Heart Problems, Money Problems (I) 33 Heart Problems, Money Problems (I) 37 One Final Note - Get Help 40

A WORD OF WELCOME Thank you for being willing to lead this study on Sex and Money. Our culture has gone absolutely insane, and now more than ever, the church of Jesus Christ must be prepared to speak biblically into the madness. But it’s not just our culture that needs help - sin has corrupted the heart of every believer, and we’re prone to the same insanity that the surrounding world has entered into. By intentionally working through this material, you will be exposed to the wisdom of Scripture and practical guidance that will help you - and the people you are leading - find true joy and enduring satisfication. As leader, it’s your role to facilitate the study by: • watching the videos in advance and reviewing the questions to be answered; • agreeing on a beginning and ending time and staying loyal to that timeframe (60 minutes suggested); • being the one to ask the questions and encourage participation within the group; • soliciting mutliple answers (for some questions, it might be appropriate to ask every participant to answer, but don’t force anyone to answer); • allowing “wait time” for answers (give the group time to think about a question you ask and avoid answering questions yourself; rephrase the question if necessary); • being honest and transparent. Share from your own experiences, especially if that includes weakness, failure, and sin. The group will most likely follow your lead, and you want to encourage honesty; • affirming everyone’s answers and allowing “faulty” responses to remain uncorrected. Rejecting answers - or allowing others to reject answers - will result in an environment of timidity; • using discretion in a mixed-gender group. Since this material is sexual in nature, discussion could potentially turn explicit. This could be a beautiful thing, if participants reveal sexual sin and seek help from the body of Christ, but a mixed-gender environment will most likely discourage transparency. Consider watching the DVD session together and dividing into gender-specific groups for discussion. Even though this DVD curriculum can be used as a stand-alone resource, you should expand your knowledge of what the Bible has to say about these topics by reading Sex and Money: Pleasures That Leave You Empty and Grace That Satisfies. There is a significant amout of additional content in the book that is not taught on the DVD. This book would benefit you greatly as you prepare to lead others through the DVD curriculum. To order your copy, visit www.paultripp.com/sex-and-money. God bless. Paul David Tripp A Word of Welcome

ELEMENTS OF THE STUDY This Leader’s Guide includes all the pages found within the Discussion Guide and provides suggested answers to the questions posed for review and discussion. Below is a short explanation of each element that will take place in a small group session: Opening Discussion: These questions are designed to create discussion and stimulate initial thoughts that will help participants with the material that is about to be presented. These questions are designed to be discussed before viewing the video session. As leader, you need to consider how much time is available and limit the Opening Discussion based on the amount of time you have. If there is more than one question, you may need to select only one that you think would be most “discussable” by your group. Key Ideas: The Key Ideas help to focus the participant before watching the video session and prepare them for the primary principles that Paul will teach on. PowerPoint Slides: The PowerPoint slides correlate with the teaching on the video, and each Discussion Guide gives room for note-taking. Participants should be encouraged to take notes during the teaching, as it is helpful for future reference. Notes can also be taken in the margins or on the back of each page. Review Questions: These questions are intended to help the participant review the content presented in each session. These should be discussed aloud as a group, and room for additional notes are provided for the participant to write down helpful points presented by the leader and/or other participants. Discussion Questions: Similar to the Review Questions, these are intended to help the participants extend their thinking about the material and to elicit any further knowledge participants may have that could benefit the whole group. Applying What You Learned: This element can be assigned as “homework,” but use your discretion; some could be used for a group discussion during a session. If you choose to assign it as homework, make sure you give enough time at the beginning of next session to allow participants to share their answers and thoughts. Personal Reflection: This is primarily a “personal devotion” element. Participants should be encouraged to examine their heart honestly in light of these questions and confess sin to the Lord. However, as a leader, these decisions are at your discretion. If you think that these reflections could benefit the group by sharing aloud, set aside time in the session for that purpose. Supplemental Reading: These recommended chapters will build upon similar principles covered in the video session and will expand the participants knowledge of the topic. ### As a leader, it’s essential that you give yourself enough time to prepare for your small group sessions. We highly recommend watching all 10 sessions and reviewing the Leader’s Guide and Discussion Guide before meeting as a group to discuss Session 1. It’s incredibly helpful to know the entirety of the material before leading others.

Elements of the Study

1. We’ve Gone Crazy!

“At the center of reality is something grand and glorious and different than me.”

SESSION 1 Total Time: 60 minutes

OPENING DISCUSSION:

DVD = 27 minutes Discussion = 33 minutes

Consider and discuss the following BEFORE watching Session 1: 1. How does your culture define sex and money? In other words, what purpose do they serve, what influence do they have, and how are they evaluated? 2. Where have you seen sex and money abused? What results from sexual and financial insanity?

KEY IDEAS: 1. Human culture has gone insane with sex and money. 2. Addictions begin by asking created things to do what they will never be able to do. 3. People in sex and money trouble need more than accountability and budget. 4. “In the beginning, God...” helps us to understand and define sex. 5. Human beings are susceptible to the lie of autonomy.

INSANITY

ADDICTION

1. We’ve Gone Crazy!

OPENING DISCUSSION: 1. There will be no wrong answers here; human beings are interpreters, and they will view their culture through the lens of their personal interpretation. Even if a participant’s interpretation sounds faulty, they should not be openly challenged. God will use the material over time to help participants see where they may be in error. Allow participants to share freely without judgment or correction. 2. Again, there will be no wrong answers. The responses will result from personal experience - which can vary dramatically in a small group - and they have potential to reveal hurt and/or sin in a participant’s past or present circumstance. Remember, being honest and sharing from your own experiences will most likely shape the atmosphere for the group in sessions to follow.

1. We’ve Gone Crazy!

GLORY

THE FOUR MOST IMPORTANT WORDS EVER SPOKEN ABOUT

SEX...

TWO FOUNDATIONAL LIES

AUTONOMY

1. We’ve Gone Crazy!

NO LEADER NOTES ON THIS PAGE

1. We’ve Gone Crazy!

REVIEW QUESTIONS :

REVIEW QUESTIONS: 1. What are “Sign Glories” or “Finger Glories”?

1. “Sign Glories” (sex, food, nature, and other pleasurable things) are created things that God has placed in the world as fingers pointing back to the one ultimate glory Himself .

2. Why, and how, do people get addicted to “Sign Glories”, specifically sex and money?

2. Addictions occur when you look to something that God created to give you what only God can provide: identity, security, purpose, etc. Sign Glories provide temporary pleasure, but the buzz is short and you keep returning until you find yourself in bondage.

3. When understanding sex and money, why are the first four words in the Bible, “In the beginning, God...” so important?

4. What is the lie of autonomy, and how does it affect the way we view sex and money?

3. These words remind us that we are not at the center; God is the ultimate center of life and everything in it, including sex and money.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: 1. How have you taught your children about sex and money? How can you do better? 2. How do you see the Christian culture being lured into the insanity of sex and money? 3. How, if at all, do you see your Christian culture responding to the sexual and financial insanity with the Gospel?

1. We’ve Gone Crazy!

4. The lie of autonomy believes that we are independent and have the right to live how we want; it does not believe in authority, so we can use sex and money however we desire, regardless of the consequences.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: 1. You will probably find that some (or many) parents have not had intentional discussions with their children about sex, money, and autonomy. Don’t allow this to create an environment of shame and disappointment; use it as an opportunity to encourage parents to be who God is calling them to be. 2. These responses will vary because of the personal experiences of participants in your group. Don’t rush to share your own experiences, and solicit answers from multiple group members. 3. Same as #2

1. We’ve Gone Crazy!

APPLYING WHAT YOU LEARNED: 1. Who do you know that is struggling with sex and money problems? How can you purposefully speak into their lives about these issues? Where can you go for biblical advice and resources?

2. Make a list of things that give you pleasure. Highlight the ones that most tempt you to seek satisfaction, identity, and well-being from them instead of from the Lord.

PERSONAL REFLECTION: How do I fill in the following: If I only had __________, then I would be happy;” or “If only I didn’t have ____________, then I would be happy.” In what areas do I attempt to be autonomous? Where do I try to establish my own will, follow my own desires, or seek my own reputation above God’s will, desires, and reputation?

SUPPLEMENTAL READING: For further help and study, read Chapters 1-3 of “Sex & Money” by Paul David Tripp

END OF SESSION

1. We’ve Gone Crazy!

APPLYING WHAT YOU LEARNED and PERSONAL RELFECTION: The Applying What You Learned and Personal Reflection elements can be assigned as “homework” for the participants. Encourage them to take this material seriously by investing personal time outside the small group setting. At the beginning of Session 2, you should set aside a few minutes to allow participants to share their answers and reflections before moving onto the Opening Discussion.

1. We’ve Gone Crazy!

2. It’s All Vertical

“There is something inside me that actually attracts me to this insanity.”

SESSION 2 Total Time: 60 minutes

OPENING DISCUSSION:

DVD = 22 minutes Discussion = 38 minutes

Consider and discuss the following BEFORE watching Session 2: 1. Where in society do you see evidence of people striving to live “self-made” lives? Does your culture reject or endorse this type of lifestyle? 2. What is the result of living a “self-made” lifestyle?

KEY IDEAS: 1. Human beings are susceptible to the lie of self-sufficiency. 2. Our struggles with sin are more about what is inside us than what is outside us. 3. Sex and money solutions will never be found horizontally; they will only be found vertically.

TWO FOUNDATIONAL LIES

SELFSUFFICIENCY

“BE RECONCILED TO GOD...”

2. It’s All Vertical

NO LEADER NOTES ON THIS PAGE

2. It’s All Vertical

EVERYTHING IN YOUR LIFE IS

VERTICAL

REVIEW QUESTIONS: 1. What is the lie of self-sufficiency, and how does it affect the way we view sex and money?

2. Why are horizontal solutions inadequate when dealing with our sins?

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: 1. What is deceptively attractive about living an autonomous and self-sufficient lifestyle? 2. What are some horizontal “solutions” that we ask to cure our sex and money problems? 3. How has the church viewed sex and money in a way that is less than biblical?

2. It’s All Vertical

REVIEW QUESTIONS: 1. The lie of self-sufficiency is believing we have everything inside ourselves to be what we’re supposed to be and do what we’re supposed to do. It tells us that we don’t need advice or direction. We think that we don’t need God or others to tell us what is true or false and good or bad about sex and money. 2. Typically, horizontal solutions will only address the problems of location, circumstance, or relationship. These are ineffective because they don’t address the human heart, where the biggest problem resides. There needs to be “verticality” first before a horizontal solution ever brings lasting change. (answers for DISCUSSION QUESTIONS on next page) 2. It’s All Vertical

EVERYTHING IN YOUR LIFE IS

D E T A Y C L I L L A P ON U D I T N E T N I VERTICAL

REVIEW QUESTIONS:

1. What is the lie of self-sufficiency, and how does it affect the way we view sex and money?

2. Why are horizontal solutions inadequate when dealing with our sins?

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: 1. What is deceptively attractive about living an autonomous and self-sufficient lifestyle?

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: 1. Autonomous and selfsufficient lives are deceptively attractive because we think we get to live as little self-sovereigns, free from authority and dependency on others. The Bible clearly tells us that we were made for community - with both God and others. Denying autononomy and selfsufficiency requires admitting to weakness, failure, ignorance and relying on the wisdom of the Lord and the help of his children.

2. What are some horizontal “solutions” that we ask to cure our sex and money problems? 3. How has the church viewed sex and money in a way that is less than biblical?

2. It’s All Vertical

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS (continued): 2. Typical horizontal solutions for sex and money are accountability (checking in with another believer or using an Internet filter like Covenant Eyes) and budgeting (financial classses or principles). These are potentially helpful, but only when the heart is being discussed as the primary problem. 3. Many answers are available here and they will reveal themselves throughout the course of the DVD and the book, but primarily, the church has been silent and reticent when it comes to speaking about sex and money. We approach the topics with a timidity, reserve, and embarassment that doesn’t make biblical sense. Meanwhile, the world never stops talking about these issues.

2. It’s All Vertical

APPLYING WHAT YOU LEARNED: 1. Write down some of your strengths and consider them in light of this question: where are you acting as a self-sovereign and trying to live an autonomous and self-sufficient life?

2. Have you tried to use any horizontal solutions that did not lead to lasting change in your life?

PERSONAL REFLECTION: How do I look at sex and money? Do I view them from an “autonomous and self-sufficient” perspective or do I view them as elements of my Christ-centered spirituality? Where do I need to confess to sexual and financial sin in my life? Am I too afraid and too ashamed to confess sin to others, even though I know that there is nothing that could be revealed about me that hasn’t already been covered by the blood of Jesus?

SUPPLEMENTAL READING: For further help and study, read Chapters 3-4 of “Sex & Money” by Paul David Tripp

END OF SESSION

2. It’s All Vertical

NO LEADER NOTES ON THIS PAGE

2. It’s All Vertical

3. The Highest Pleasure (I)

“God created an amazingly pleasurable world.”

SESSION 3 Total Time: 60 minutes

OPENING DISCUSSION:

DVD = 21 minutes Discussion = 39 minutes

Consider and discuss the following BEFORE watching Session 3: 1. What are some of your favorite pleasures? Share your most enjoyable meal, genre of music, season of the year, vacation destination, or another pleasurable experience.

KEY IDEAS: 1. God, in his grace, goodness, and love, created an amazingly pleasurable world for us. 2. God has hardwired human beings to desire and enjoy pleasure. 3. Pleasure is not an evil thing and should not produce guilt in us; God is pleased when we celebrate his created pleasures. 4. All forms of pleasure require boundaries; boundaries do not destroy pleasure.

GOD CREATED AN AMAZINGLY PLEASURABLE WORLD

GOD HAS HARDWIRED US FOR PLEASURE

3. The Highest Pleasure (I)

NO LEADER NOTES ON THIS PAGE

3. The Highest Pleasure (I)

ALL FORMS OF PLEASURE REQUIRE BOUNDARIES

WHAT SEEMS GOOD ISN’T ALWAYS GOOD

REVIEW QUESTIONS: 1. How should Christians view the available pleasures of this created world?

2. Why are boundaries necessary when it comes to enjoying pleasure?

3. The Higest Pleasure (I)

REVIEW QUESTIONS: 1) We should view the pleasures of the created world as God-given gifts intended for us to enjoy, celebrate, and worship him for. Pleasures are not inherently evil. This forces us to recognize that it’s only ever the evil inside our hearts that corrupt pleasure - or draw us to draw the corruption of pleasure in our culture. We shouldn’t run away from pleasure but instead view them through the lens of the gospel. 2) Boundaries are necessary because the One who created the boundaries is the One knows how corrupt our hearts are. Pleasures, in excess and without boundaries, become destructive and enslaving; we’re not wise enough or self-controlled enough to live free from boundaries.

3. The Highest Pleasure (I)

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: 1. If pleasures have the ability to enslave and destroy us, would we be better off without them? 2. Discuss other areas of life where freedom is found by staying within God’s boundaries. To ask it another way, what are some pleasurable aspects of life that can easily enslave?

APPLYING WHAT YOU LEARNED: 1. Write down examples of how you can enjoy the physical pleasures of this world and bring glory to God. Do you do this all the time? In what ways may you be worshipping the created thing instead of the Creator?

PERSONAL REFLECTION: Do I give thanks and glory to God for all the things I enjoy and receive pleasure from, or does my pleasure stop at the pleasure? Where am I living outside of God’s boundaries with certain pleasures? Am I enslaved, or at risk of being enslaved, to specific pleasures?

SUPPLEMENTAL READING: For further help and study, read Chapters 3-4 of “Sex & Money” by Paul David Tripp

END OF SESSION

3. The Highest Pleasure (I)

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: 1. Pleasures have the ability to enslave and destroy only because our hearts have the ability to twist, corrupt, and misuse the good pleasures that God has created. Avoiding pleasure is a horizontal solution that doesn’t address the heart. Using a horizontal solution to avoid a specific pleasure works only when the heart is being addressed. 2. Many pleasures can be used here. Some are: food, alcohol, exercise, entertainment, and sleep. The key is to find a pleasure that God created for good and then reveal how an obsession with that good pleasure can lead to slavery and bondage and personal destruction. Almost any example will work.

3. The Highest Pleasure (I)

4. The Highest Pleasure (II)

“Nothing is ever just for your pleasure. It’s all owned by God for his purpose.”

SESSION 4 Total Time: 60 minutes

OPENING DISCUSSION:

DVD = 23 minutes Discussion = 37 minutes

Consider and discuss the following BEFORE watching Session 4: 1. Read John 6:1-15 and John 6:25-58. What was Jesus’ purpose in feeding the crowd?

KEY IDEAS: 1. Every physical pleasure always serves a higher pleasure - our relationship with God. 2. The pleasures of this created world are not ultimate - God is (Romans 11:36). 3. We don’t need to be rescued from pleasure or temptation; we need to be rescued from us.

PHYSICAL PLEASURE ALWAYS SERVES A HIGHER PLEASURE

JESUS FEEDS THE FIVE THOUSAND

JOHN

4. The Highest Pleasure (II)

OPENING DISCUSSION: This Opening Discussion is meant to stimulate thoughts about the passage that will be taught in the DVD session. Solicit multiple opinions from within the group; you don’t need to have one “agreed upon” answer before watching the DVD session. Some potential opinions are: 1) Jesus knew the crowd was hungry and had compassion on them (Matthew 14:15); 2) Jesus was proving to the crowd that he was from the Father (John 6:26 and 14:11); 3) Jesus was creating an opportunity to teach the crowd the following day (John 6:22-58).

4. The Highest Pleasure (II)

“FOR FROM HIM AND THROUGH HIM AND TO HIM ARE ALL THINGS...”

REVIEW QUESTIONS: 1. The crowd wanted to make Jesus king because they thought he would fulfill their physical needs and desires for pleasure. They weren’t interested in the “redemption” aspect of Jesus’ ministry at the time; they were only interested in the feast.

REVIEW QUESTIONS: 1. Why did the crowd want to “come and take him [Jesus] by force to make him king?”

2. Why did Jesus withdraw from the crowd?

2. Jesus withdrew from the crowd because he knew their heart - they wanted him to be their physical savior and not the savior of their heart. By withdrawing from the crowd, Jesus reveals (the following day, in his teaching) that his mission on earth is not physical, but spiritual and redemptive.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: 1. What are some of your favorite pleasures? 2. What was God’s purpose in creating those pleasureable things? 3. Do you take those pleasures for granted or act as if you’re entitled to it? How can you give thanks more often and regularly for the pleasure you recieve?

4. The Highest Pleasure (II)

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: The principles from the excerpt below can be used to help answer all three Discussion Questions: “The pleasure of sex is meant to remind me of my intimate union with Christ; the pleasure of food is meant to motivate me to seek the heart-satisfying sustenance of the bread and wine that is Christ; the pleasure of sight is designed to cause me to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord; the pleasure of sound is meant to cause me to listen to the beautiful words of the Lord; the pleasure of touch is designed to remind me of the glory of One whose touch alone has the power to comfort, heal, and transform. The pleasure of human affection is meant to induce me to celebrate the glory of God’s eternal, undeserved, self-sacrificing love; the pleasure of rest is meant to draw my heart toward the one who in his life, death, and resurrection purchased for me eternal rest...” (excerpted from “Sex & Money,” pp. 59-60). 4. The Highest Pleasure (II)

APPLYING WHAT YOU LEARNED: 1. What kind of Jesus do you want? In other words, what do you want Jesus to do for you?

2. Examine your prayer life. What are some things you have been praying for recently? Is your prayer life one where you only ask the Lord for “bread and fish?”

PERSONAL REFLECTION: Do pleasures turn my heart toward God in worship and gratitude? How often do I thank the Lord for his created gifts? Do pleasures make me seek more pleasure? Am I at risk of being enslaved - or am I currently enslaved - towards any created thing?

SUPPLEMENTAL READING: For further help and study, read Chapters 3-4 of “Sex & Money” by Paul David Tripp

END OF SESSION

4. The Highest Pleasure (II)

APPLYING WHAT YOU LEARNED: There are many “types” of Jesus that we might want and pray for (derived from Twitter - @paultripp): “Vacation Planner Jesus” (who provides a comfortable lifestyle in a desirable location); “Suggestion Box Jesus” (who provides good advice, but not commands); “Match.com Jesus” (who provides relationships free of conflict and strife); “Prozac Jesus” (who always makes you feel better about life in a fallen world). A comfortable and healthy lifestyle with good relationships are not necessarily sinful things to pray for, but they’re not why Jesus came. He came to be nothing less than our Lord Redeemer King.

4. The Highest Pleasure (II)

5. Sex Is Worship

“Sex is an act of worship.”

SESSION 5 Total Time: 60 minutes

OPENING DISCUSSION:

DVD = 26 minutes Discussion = 34 minutes

Consider and discuss the following BEFORE watching Session 5: 1. How would you define worship? Write your answer down before answering aloud.

KEY IDEAS: 1. The struggle with sex is not physical; it is a war of worship. 2. Human beings will worship created things instead of the Creator (Romans 1:25). 3. Your sexuality will accurately reveal the true worship of your heart. 4. Worship is not first an activity; worship is your identity - you are a worshipper.

CORINTHIANS 6:12-20

THE PRINCIPLE OF

MASTERY

5. Sex Is Worship

OPENING DISCUSSION: This is a good opportunity to solicit answers from every participant (but don’t force any to respond). You will most likely receive a diversity of answers, and don’t correct their response or add commentary. Paul Tripp will define biblical worship in Session 5. Some participants may define “worship” only as a corporate worship service on Sunday or a personal devotion time with the Lord. Don’t correct their answers, and don’t let other participants inject their opinion of the answer. The Discussion Questions will provide an opportunity for group conversation.

5. Sex is Worship

SEX HOLY

REVIEW QUESTIONS:

IS A THING

REVIEW QUESTIONS: 1. What were the medieval monasteries trying to accomplish? Why did they fail?

2. Romans 1:25 accurately diagnoses the source of our sexual and financial struggles. What is the diagnosis, and where can the cure be found?

2. The diagnosis of Romans 1:25 is that every heart is hardwired to worship. When we fail to worship the Creator, we automatically fill the void with worship of a created thing. The only cure is to replace the worship of the creation with worship of the Creator - the way things were originally meant to be.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: 1. Review your definition of worship from the Opening Discussion. What, if anything, would you change? Was your definition of worship too limited? 2. Why does it seem “awkward” or even “creepy” to associate sex with the worship of God? 3. Why are we timid to confess sin to ourselves and others? How can we become bold?

5. Sex Is Worship

1. The medieval monasteries bought into the lie that humanity’s biggest problem existed outside them, not inside them. By avoiding the sinful and wicked human culture that surrounded them, these monastics thought that they could avoid sin. The Bible teaches that sin and wickedness still exist in the heart of every believer, and because the monastics did not deal with their own heart, they failed to achieve their goal.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: 1. Answers will vary. The goal of this question is to expose a “limited definition” of worship. Human beings are worshippers; it’s not something we do, it’s who we are. When we only define worship as what we do, we risk being blind to the sinful worship of our heart in the mundane moments of everyday life. 2. We have isolated sex from our spiritual life. There are many reasons for this: we don’t recognize that sex is a gift from God; we forget (or never were taught from the beginning) that God is pleased to give us pleasurable experiences; we want to be sexually autonomous; we have incorrectly defined worship. 3. We either don’t functionally believe that Jesus Christ has covered all our sins - past, present, and future - or we want to hold onto the lie that we are independently self-righteous. We become bold when we recognize that Christ alone is our righteousness and we don’t have to hide or pretend anymore. 5. Sex is Worship

APPLYING WHAT YOU LEARNED: 1. If a brother or sister in Christ came to you to confess sexual sin, how would you respond? Use the principles that you have learned so far to help you craft a Biblical strategy.

PERSONAL REFLECTION: Do I view sex and money as my personal possessions? Do I fail to recognize that these created things come from the hand of God? What other things in my life, apart from sex and money, might I be worshipping? How do I worship them? Am I too afraid to confess sin to others? Am I holding on to my appearance of self-righteousness and self-sufficiency?

SUPPLEMENTAL READING: For further help and study, read Chapters 3-4 of “Sex & Money” by Paul David Tripp

END OF SESSION

5. Sex Is Worship

APPLYING WHAT YOU LEARNED: The goal of this question is not to train professional counselors for sexual sin in the body of Christ. However, God has called all of his children to a lifestyle of ministry. It’s essential that we are not just recipients of God’s grace, but participants of that same grace to others. As God’s instruments, we need to be prepared to speak truth and love into the lives of struggling people. Now more than ever, in a culture that has gone sexually and financial insane, we should be ready to help those around us in these areas. Take this Applying What You Learned assignment as an opportunity to remind and encourage your participants of their role in God’s redemptive plan. 5. Sex is Worship

6. Sex Isn’t About You

“Every act of sexuality, for a believer, is done in the context of your unity with Christ.”

SESSION 6 Total Time: 60 minutes

OPENING DISCUSSION:

DVD = 28 minutes Discussion = 32 minutes

Consider and discuss the following BEFORE watching Session 6: 1. What would be your ideal lifestyle? What elements (locations, situations, relationships, etc) would need to fall into place to create “paradise” for you on earth? 2. After answering the question above, think about your “paradise.” Would your paradise serve others, or would it require others to serve you?

KEY IDEAS: 1. This life will not be the paradise that your heart hungers for; paradise is to come. 2. When you forget your union with Christ, it’s easier to do things that aren’t pleasing to Him. 3. Nothing about you belongs to you anymore; it’s all owned by Christ. 4. We are commanded to flee from sexual immorality and glorify God in our bodies. 5. Sex isn’t the problem - the individulization of sex is.

THE PRINCIPLE OF

ETERNITY

THE PRINCIPLE OF

UNITY

6. Sex Isn’t About You

OPENING DISCUSSION: 1. This might turn into a comical exercise in fantasy, with people listing their impossible and unrealistic expectations of pleasure here on earth. That’s part of the lesson in Session 6 - you cannot ask this world, in it’s broken state, to provide satisfaction of the soul. Even a perfect world, however, won’t provide ultimate satisfication - that will only ever be found in a Person. 2. Asking the people in your life to be your source of happiness and satisfaction is a crushing burden; people fail, so they cannot be your savior. This is also a selfish way of looking at relationships, because you end up objectifying them for what they can do for you.

6. Sex Isn’t About You

THE PRINCIPLE OF

OWNERSHIP

FLEE FROM SEXUAL IMMORALITY

GLORIFY GOD IN YOUR BODY

6. Sex Isn’t About You

NO LEADER NOTES ON THIS PAGE

6. Sex Isn’t About You

REVIEW QUESTIONS: 1. What is the principle of eternity and how can it help us with our sex and money struggles?

2. What is the principle of unity and how can it help us with our sex and money struggles?

3. What is the principle of ownership and how can it help with our sex and money struggles?

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: 1. What are some specific examples of sexual immorality that you faced this week - or even today - and how can you flee from them next time? 2. Share specific examples of where your culture is individualizing sex and money. You will probably find that these examples are the same things you should be fleeing from.

6. Sex Isn’t About You

REVIEW QUESTIONS: 1. The principle of eternity tells us that this life is not all there is; it’s only a preparation for our final destination. We cannot look to this broken world for lasting pleasure and ultimate satisfaction. If we understand that sex and money won’t bring lasting joy to our soul, we won’t hunt after it. 2. The principle of unity tells us that we are one with Christ, and that Christ is with us everywhere we go. If we love Christ, we wouldn’t want to defile ourselves, because we are defiling Christ. The sweeter our relationship is with Christ, the more we will desire to be pure with our sexuality and finances. 3. The principle of ownership tells us that we don’t own our sex or money - God does. If we understand our role as steward, and not owner, we will treat God’s created possessions with righteous respect. 6. Sex Isn’t About You

APPLYING WHAT YOU LEARNED: 1. Take time to look over your calendar/schedule and your spending/budget for the past month. Is there any indication that you are trying to “find paradise” in the right here, right now moments of life? Write down specific examples.

2. Reflect on your past week. Write down some decisions that you made “in private” when no one was monitoring. Would you be uncomfortable or embarrased making these decisions again if Christ was physically present?

3. Write down several things over which you have control. This could be your house, your career, a specific possession like a car, your finances, or even your child. How controlling of these things are you? In other words, are you acting as if you own that thing?

PERSONAL REFLECTION: Review my answers to the Applying What You Learned section. Take time to confess to the Lord and others if there are areas of sin that have been exposed. Remember, Christ is my righteousness, and there is nothing that could ever be exposed about me for which He hasn’t already paid the price .

SUPPLEMENTAL READING: For further help and study, read Chapters 5-9 of “Sex & Money” by Paul David Tripp

END OF SESSION

6. Sex Isn’t About You

APPLYING WHAT YOU LEARNED: Encourage the participants to take this section seriously and allocate time during the week to focus on the questions. The goal of this material is not just informational, where participants leave more educated about the theology of sex and money in the Bible. The goal of this material is transformational - revealing the idolatry of our hearts and reconciling us back to worship of the Creator. These homework sections provide an opportunity for participants to examine themselves and apply the theology to their own hearts, in the hope that the Holy Spirit will open our eyes to the selfish ways we use and abuse sex and money.

6. Sex Isn’t About You

7. Your Money Matters

“Money is a very specific and very concrete window on your heart.”

SESSION 7 Total Time: 60 minutes

OPENING DISCUSSION:

DVD = 27 minutes Discussion = 33 minutes

Consider and discuss the following BEFORE watching Session 7: 1. If you received an unexpected sum of money - worth one week of pay - how would you react? What would be the first thing you want to do with that money?

KEY IDEAS: 1. Money will reveal what rules your heart because money has the unique ability to fund what is important to you. 2. Jesus Christ frequently talked about money - His church needs to do the same today. 3. You cannot accurately evaluate your use of money only by “big” decisions. Your love for money will reveal itself in the 10,000 little decisions you make.

THE BIBLE IS NOT MONEY NEUTRAL

IT’S NOT UNSPIRITUAL TO THINK ABOUT MONEY

7. Your Money Matters

OPENING DISCUSSION Hopefully, by this point in the small group, a culture of honesty and brokenness has developed. Because of the Gospel, we don’t have to pretend that sin doesn’t remain in our hearts - we don’t need to fake a fully righteous heart that doesn’t actually exist. However, participants might be tempted to “perform” in front of others by giving a “super-spiritual” answer. As a leader, always remind your participants that there is nothing that could be exposed about them that Christ hasn’t already covered. Encourage them (by your example) to admit to the ugly selfishness that still lingers in their heart.

7. Your Money Matters

CHRIST ABOUT

TALKED MONEY

THE STRUGGLE OF MONEY IS NOT ABOUT THE AMOUNT OF MONEY THAT YOU HAVE

REVIEW QUESTIONS: 1. Money reveals what rules our heart because money has the unique ability to fund what is important to us. What we treasure and idolize in our hearts (image, comfort, pleasure, status, etc) will be funded by the money in our bank account.

REVIEW QUESTIONS: 1. Why does money reveal our heart so effectively and accurately?

2. Why is it important for the church of Jesus Christ to talk about money frequently?

3. Why is the struggle of money not about the amount of money that you have?

7. Your Money Matters

REVIEW QUESTIONS (continued): 2. There are several answers here, but most importantly, we must remember to talk about money at a heart level - money is a vertical, not a horizontal, issue. Here are a few suggestions: 1) Jesus talked about money all the time because he knew what it revealed in our hearts; 2) We think money belongs to us - we worked hard for our income, so we are earning what we deserve, and we can do with it what we want (the lie of autonomy); 3) Our spending reveals how selfish we are and how little we care about those in need; 4) Money reveals what our heart idolizes because money provides funding for our idols. 3. The struggle of money does not just affect the rich person - itâ€™s not about quantity, but about the heart of the person (rich or poor) with the money. This is a good place to use Mark 12:41-44 as a supplemental passage. The poor widow and the rich people both had to wrestle with being generous or selfish with their money. It was about their heart, not about their income. 7. Your Money Matters

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: 1. How would you define “the good life?” In other words, what physical and earthly treasures do you think would provide your heart satisfaction? 2. Think about the things that make your daily life “pleasurable”. How much of those things are bought with money? 3. Think about the things that make your life “pleasurable”. How do you react when these things are taken away from you?

APPLYING WHAT YOU LEARNED: 1. Take a detailed inventory on how you spent (or did not spend) your money the past few weeks. What small purchases did you make? How generous were you with your money? What might this inventory reveal about the treasures of your heart?

PERSONAL REFLECTION: How generous am I with the money that God has given you? Do my money reveal selfishness or selflessness? Who in my life is struggling financially? When I evaluate my bank statements, do these people come to mind?

SUPPLEMENTAL READING: For further help and study, read Chapters 10-11 of “Sex & Money” by Paul David Tripp

END OF SESSION

7. Your Money Matters

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7. Your Money Matters

8. Life and Money

“Creation is pleasurable and creation is enjoyable, but it will never give you life.”

SESSION 8 Total Time: 60 minutes

OPENING DISCUSSION:

DVD = 24 minutes Discussion = 36 minutes

Consider and discuss the following BEFORE watching Session 8: Imagine that you have been given three “If Only...” wishes (“If only I had this” or “If only I didn’t have to deal with that). Be honest and transparent and write down your three “If only...” wishes: 1. “If only...

2. “If only...

3. “If only...

KEY IDEAS: 1. You cannot serve both God and money. 2. Whatever sits on the other end of your “If Only...” is where you are looking for life. 3. You have already been given life in Christ - stop searching for it horizontally. 4. Budgeting won’t solve your money idolatry; in fact, it might actually deepen the problem. 5. The only things that will truly satisfy your soul cannot be bought with money. 6. This side of eternity, we’re all vunerable because we still have fickle and easily-distracted hearts.

YOU CANNOT SERVE GOD AND MONEY

8. Life and Money

OPENING DISCUSSION Some of these might be comical and “fantasy” (“If only it never rained again in my life” or “If only my children never disagreed with me”). It’s healthy to have a light and fun environment, but the goal of these questions is to expose some hidden idols and identities that we have in our fickle hearts. Rememember, as a leader, you want to encourage a culture of honesty and transparency. Always remind your participants that there is nothing that could be exposed about them that Christ hasn’t already covered. Encourage them, with your lead and by your example, to admit to the idol worship that still wars in their heart.

8. Life and Money

YOU CAN’T BUY IT

FOUR APPLICATIONS

REVIEW QUESTIONS: 1. What is “life” and where is “life” to be found?

2. Why is budgeting (on its own) not an effective solution? How can it potentially deepen our problems?

3. Why is it necessary to examine our heart and own vulnerability?

8. Life and Money

REVIEW 1. Life is a Person, and his name is Jesus Christ. Life is found in him - when we understand who we are and who Christ is, we can rest in our brokenness and his perfect sacrifice. We don’t need to find meaning or purpose or identity anywhere else. (Distinguish between Life and “eternal life” - life doesn’t begin once we reach Heaven; life begins when our hearts are invaded by the Person of Christ). 2. Budgeting is not vertical - it does not address the heart issues of worship, idolatry, and identity. If we only try to budget, our corrupt hearts can twist a potentially helpful solution and use it to continue to fuel our wrongful worship, idolatry, and identity. 3. We need to continually recgonize that while the power of sin has been broken, the presence of sin still remains. Covered by the righteousness of Christ, we can step out of hiding and admit to whom we still are: broken sinners with selfish hearts living in a world filled with temptation. 8. Life and Money

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: 1. What are some of the most common “If Only...” answers in your culture? 2. What could happen if we aren’t as polarizing as “You cannot serve both God and money” 3. How can we deepen our identity in Christ, thus protecting ourselves from seeking false identity in material things?

APPLYING WHAT YOU LEARNED: 1. Re-examine your three “If Only...” statements from the Opening Discussion. If you’re honest with yourself, are you actually seeking life from some of these things? In what way?

2. Where do you experience your biggest joys, your biggest dissapointments, and your biggest moments of envy? Are they related to things that money does or does not provide you?

PERSONAL REFLECTION: Am I “playing” with the king of my heart? Am I allowing money to have too much rule in my life? Where am I spending my money? Am I investing in my temporary pleasure or am I investing in eternal reward?

SUPPLEMENTAL READING: For further help and study, read Chapter 11 of “Sex & Money” by Paul David Tripp

END OF SESSION

8. Life and Money

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: 1. Answers will vary. 2. We need to realize that the presence of sin still remains; we cannot “play” with money. As we learned in 1 Corinthians 6:18, we need to be decisive (flee) from such things. Christ is decisive here. 3. In some ways, this is a “trick question.” We can’t do anything to “deepen our identity” - it was fully sealed on the Cross by Christ (we had nothing to do with it). However, by gazing on the beauty of the Lord and allowing our hearts to be captivated in worship, we will deepen our understanding of our identity and be less likely to wander. 8. Life and Money

9. Heart Problems, Money Problems (I)

“Money is not the problem; the love of money is the problem.”

SESSION 9 Total Time: 60 minutes DVD = 25 minutes Discussion = 35 minutes

OPENING DISCUSSION: Consider and discuss the following BEFORE watching Session 9: 1. Write down at least 10 blessings for which you are thankful. Pick one or two to briefly share with the group before watching the video session.

KEY IDEAS: 1. Unthankful people tend to be searching, seeking, and longing people. 2. We have wrongly named things we desire for things we “need” and we judge the love of others and God by whether or not they deliver those things we think we need. 3. Money gives you the ability to meet the needs and relieve the suffering of others. 4. Money can tempt you to think that you’re self-relient and that you’re not actually needy.

1. 2. 3. 4.

I N G R AT I T U D E NEED DISCONTENT ENVY

9. Heart Problems, Money Problems (I)

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9. Heart Problems, Money Problems (I)

MONEY IS BLESSING

MONEY IS A DANGER

MONEY IS NOT THE PROBLEM

1. 2. 3. 4.

CONTENTMENT IDENTITY FA L L E N W O R L D WORSHIP

9. Heart Problems, Money Problems (I)

NO LEADER NOTES ON THIS PAGE

9. Heart Problems, Money Problems (I)

REVIEW QUESTIONS:

1. What is the heart problem of INGRATITUDE, and why does it lead to money problems?

1. A person with a grateful heart is a person at rest. They understand they deserve nothing and are thankful for everything they are given; they count their blessings. The opposite is true for a person filled with ingratitude. They keep telling themselves that they deserve more than they have, and they live an entitled and demanding life. They easily justify a selfish and wasteful use of money.

2. What is the heart problem of NEED, and why does it lead to money problems?

3. What is the heart problem of DISCONTENT, and why does it lead to money problems?

4. What is the heart problem of ENVY, and why does it lead to money problems?

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: 1. How have you been blessed by the generosity of another person?\ 2. How have you been harmed by another person’s selfish desire for money? 3. What does your culture tell you that you need, when in fact, the Bible probably wouldn’t name it as a need?

9. Heart Problems, Money Problems (I)

2. Need is one of the most overused words in human culture. Physically, we actually need very little. and spiritually, we have been given everything we need. But we are still skilled at defining what we “want” as what we “need.” When we tell ourselves that we are in need, we tell ourselves we can’t live without it, and thus, easily justify spending money to acquire what we can’t live without.

REVIEW QUESTIONS (continued): 3. Discontent results from not being thankful for what I have and misdiagnosing what I think I need. That results in a heart that is constantly on a quest for more, and money fuels that quest. 4. Envious hearts are always taking account of what others have, comparing what they think they need to what they don’t yet have. Envy makes a list of the things we want and encourages us to foolishly spend money to acquire them.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: 3. The Bible’s definition of “need” is found in 2 Peter 1:3 - “everything we need for a godly life” (NIV). 9. Heart Problems, Money Problems (I)

APPLYING WHAT YOU LEARNED: 1. Reconsider your list of blessings from the Opening Discussion section. How quickly were you able to think of blessings? Did you struggle to remember and recall the blessings of God in your life?

2. Look at the four heart problems that lead to money problems: ingratitude, need, discontent, and envy. Which one do you think you struggle with the most? Write down some concrete evidence that reveals your ingratitude, a false sense of need, discontent, or envy.

PERSONAL REFLECTION: Am I a person that counts my blessings, or am I a person who continually counts what I want and what others have? What am I telling myself that I need? Have I redefined the Bible’s definition of need (2 Peter 1:3)? Who in my life could be blessed by my resources? Am I selfishly hoarding what could be given to God’s kingdom?

SUPPLEMENTAL READING: For further help and study, read Chapter 12 of “Sex & Money” by Paul David Tripp

END OF SESSION

9. Heart Problems, Money Problems (I)

APPLYING WHAT YOU LEARNED: These two questions will be used at the beginning of Session 10 for the Opening Discussion. Encourage your participants to take this “homework” seriously and spend time in personal devotion and confession. Their personal applications that they share with the group can be used to encourage and challenge other participants; just because you are the leader doesn’t mean that you are the only one with the capacity to influence and shape the conversation. Encourage others to participate with that in mind.

9. Heart Problems, Money Problems (I)

10. Heart Problems, Money Problems (II)

“Our struggles with sex and money will one day end”

SESSION 10 Total Time: 60 minutes

OPENING DISCUSSION:

DVD = 28 minutes Discussion = 32 minutes

Consider and discuss the following BEFORE watching Session 10: Briefly review the Applying What You Learned from Session 9. The majority of discussion for Session 10 will occur after watching the final video.

KEY IDEAS: 1. The lie of “you don’t have enough” has been around since the beginning (Genesis 3:1-6). 2. A healthy Christian life is about saying “no” - saying “no” to your thoughts and desires. 3. Change is possible for us because we have a high priest who not only forgives, but who understands and provides us with everything we need. 4. Our struggles with sex and money will one day end.

1. 2. 3. 4.

CONTENTMENT IDENTITY FA L L E N W O R L D WORSHIP

PSALM

10. Heart Problems, Money Problems (II)

NO LEADER NOTES ON THIS PAGE

10. Heart Problems, Money Problems (II)

DANGER TO YOU

1. I AM NEVER ALONE 2. I HAVE ALL I NEED

3. I AM FORGIVEN

4. I AM UNDERSTOOD 5. CHANGE IS POSSIBLE 6. MY REAL PROBLEM

7. RICH WISDOM 8 . R I C H E S T H AT S AT I S F Y 9. MY STRUGGLE WILL END

10. Heart Problems, Money Problems (II)

NO LEADER NOTES ON THIS PAGE

10. Heart Problems, Money Problems (II)

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: 1. How have you grown in knowledge and understanding over these 10 sessions? In other words, how have you expanded your “theology” of sex and money. Write down some specific and concrete examples before sharing aloud:

2. Remember that the purpose of Scripture is not just informational, but transformational. What selfish and sinful tendencies have been exposed to you about you during these 10 sessions? Write down some specific and concrete answers before sharing aloud:

3. Remember that you are not only called to be a recipient of grace, but a participant of grace as well. What have you learned about sex and money that you can bring to others struggling in these areas? Write down specific people struggling with specific issues to whom you can be an instrument of grace (of course, respect confidentiality if necessary):

SUPPLEMENTAL READING: For further help and study, read Chapters 13-14 of “Sex & Money” by Paul David Tripp

END OF SESSION

10. Heart Problems, Money Problems (II)

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: Instead of using the remaining time of Session 10 to review the material in detail as with the other nine sessions, take an opportunity to ask the participants about what they learned and gained from this curriculum. Considering that some of the answers might be explicitly sexual in nature, you might want to break up into gender-specific groups for sharing. Give the participants a few minutes to reflect and write down their answers before sharing aloud. That way they will have documented their answers in case they want to review their Discussion Guide in the weeks or months to come.

10. Heart Problems, Money Problems (II)

ONE FINAL NOTE - GET HELP My anticipation is that after studying this Sex and Money curriculum, you will begin to admit that you have a sexuality problem. For some, your problem might be that you don’t “flee sexual immorality” (1 Corinthians 6:18) as often as you know you should. For others, your problem might be a deep addiction to explicit pornography that has gone untouched for years. Whatever the “level” of your problem, you need to get help. Sin is deceitful, and guess who it deceives first? You have very little difficulty recognizing the sins of those around you, but you will be blind – either in part or completely – to your own sins. Hebrews 3:13 says, “Exhort one another every day, as long as it is called ‘today,’ that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.” The Bible clearly lays out our need for the intervening help of the body of Christ. Don’t think that you see yourself with accuracy or that you can deal with the problem on your own. Get help. If you’re dealing with something not as severe as an addiction, go to your small group leader or a mature brother or sister in the church. But if you’re playing with a dangerous and debilitating sexual sin, then you need the professional help of someone who can help you work through that struggle. There are two things I want to say about professional counseling. First, you need a counselor who has your struggle as their area of expertise. You need a professional who has thought richly about your struggle and who has deep experience in this area. Second, you need a counselor who is committed to a biblical worldview and committed to the Gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ. We don’t believe in a system of redemption; we believe in a Redeemer. You won’t find lasting help outside of Jesus. If you’re dealing with sexual struggles and you don’t have access to a biblical counselor in your church or community of believers, I would recommend HarvestUSA. Their mission is to partner with and equip the Church in bringing the power of the Gospel of Jesus Christ to transform the lives of those affected by sexual sin. They will either offer you in-house counseling or refer you to a trusted biblical counselor in your local area. Don’t be afraid to say, “I need help.” The blood of Christ covers all your sin – past, present, and future – so there is nothing that can be exposed about you that hasn’t already been paid for. Sexual sin can be devastating for individuals and families, and God has chosen for His body to be an avenue of intervention. Get help. God bless. Paul David Tripp

www.harvestusa.org

215.482.0111

info@harvestusa.org One Final Note - Get Help

ÂŠ 2013 Paul Tripp Ministries