Introduction 6 How to Use This Journal 8
PART I: JOYFULLY US 13
Observation Deck 40 Lists 41 / Our Time 43
PART II: BRAVELY US 45
Observation Deck 70 Lists 71 / Our Time 73
PART III: SECURELY US 75
Observation Deck 102 Lists 103 / Our Time 105
PART IV: UNIQUELY US 107
Observation Deck 134 Lists 135 / Our Time 137 My Closing Love Letter to You 139 Acknowledgments 143
Welcome!
Maybe you’ve seen or used a pass back-and-forth journal before, or maybe this is your first time, but let me just say: this journal is unique, just like the two of you, and I’m so happy it has found its way into your hands!
This journal is unique because it is based on the wisdom of more than seventy years of scientific research on the parent–child relationship. The research is clear that close secure relationships between parents and children help children build resilience. What does that mean? It means that by creating open, caring, and emotionally attuned relationships with our children, we help them gain the skills they need to develop strong self-worth and grow positive relationships throughout their lives. They learn how to be open about what they feel and confident in themselves and in asking others for what they need.
Is this journal fun? Yes! Joy and delight are key ingredients for secure connection. Will this journal also help you tackle tricky or uncomfortable topics? You betcha. Our children need both of these things to feel true belonging with us.
Sometimes the best conversations happen side by side (or page by page), not face to face. It can be challenging for us to know what to say or how to say it when we are in the middle of an emotional moment. Journal writing provides space to think, feel, and communicate more clearly and honestly.
As mothers, we want to help our children learn, grow, and thrive. As kids, we want to be seen, heard, and loved. This journal is a special place that exists just for the two of you to help fulfill those desires.
Dear Mom: This journal gives you time to pause and attune with your child—and to give them the gift of your intentional attention. It’s your chance to practice showing up with empathy and curiosity and responding with calm compassion to anything they bring up. With every entry you are affirming, “No matter what you are thinking, feeling, or longing for, I am here. You are safe with me.” Remember to follow their lead, comfort level, and pacing.
May you know the joy of being a trusted ally to your child and watching them become resilient and independent.
Dear Son: This journal is a place for you to be 100 percent you. It’s the chance to figure out who you are, what you believe in, what matters to you, and how to be true to those things. Share the good stuff and the messy stuff. All parts of you belong with your mom and in this journal. I hope this journal helps you and your mom have more fun together and learn how to get closer, and also helps you feel seen, understood, and supported in whatever ways you need.
May you always find the courage to speak up for your needs and to live from your authentic heart.
I believe in the power of your relationship more than words can say.
XO, A word on boys and hearts: It can be particularly hard to share your heart when you are a boy—not because you have missing heart parts or because you don’t need to share your heart, but because there’s a nasty rumor floating around that heart-sharing is weak. It’s a rumor that’s been around for a long time, but it’s also a rumor that has been disproven for just as long. Boys need safe places to be open and goofy and real just as much as girls do. And boys who have enough courage and support to be heart-focused and real with the people they trust get to live happier, healthier, and more fulfilling lives. The next time someone makes you think that being open with people isn’t for boys, remember: they are spreading rumors, not truth.
Pull out this journal once a week, choose a prompt, and spend ten to fifteen minutes writing a response. Then, bookmark your place and pass the journal to your mom. Moms have the rest of that week to read what you shared and to respond to a prompt. They bookmark it, pass it back, and voilà!
Some “serving suggestions” to turn up the fun of this journal adventure:
1) Pick a day of the week that you read through the journal responses together once you have both filled them out; this ensures that you are feeling heard and understood by each other. Bubble tea or doughnuts can make this day even better.
2) Turn the journal returning into a scavenger hunt. After you have written in the journal, hide it somewhere fun and then write out a clue to help the other person find it.
3) Add some fun stickers to the front or back of the journal every time you write an entry so that by the time you are done, you have made your own unique cover art!
The four sections are designed to nurture connection in various and meaningful ways—Joyfully Us, Bravely Us, Securely Us, and Uniquely Us.
PRO TIP: Consider choosing a page in each section over the course of a month. That way you won’t end up with all the tricky topic prompts at the end of the year!
By using this journal together every week, you will steadily strengthen your relationship over one year. Choose from any section at any time. Go wherever you feel intrigued or inspired.
Bonus Pages
Each section also includes extra pages for making lists and doing activities together.
• The Observation Deck: Mom, here you reflect on things you are noticing in your son—how you see him growing up and changing. Because kids need to know they are worthy outside of their achievements, this space isn’t about praising good behavior but about witnessing who they are (or are becoming). You might add to the pages a little at a time or all at once every few months.
• Lists: These are a fun, quick way to share and reflect about a specific slice of life.
• Our Time: These pages bring you together in real-time to make memories and deepen your relationship. Schedule a journal date once every three months to check in and explore the activity.
We love our playful, fun-loving, creative, and silly sides.
One of the best feelings in the world comes when we enter a room and a loved one absolutely lights up to see us! Here is your chance to share and enjoy delight together.
A dream I have and hope will come true one day is . . .
Share a dream you currently have, and/or a dream from when you were a young kid that you hoped would come true.
Here’s what I really appreciate about you!