VOLUME 45 NUMBER 04 JULY 2021
28 GIGI
34 OFM TRAVEL
GORGEOUS
18
MARK TURNIPSEED
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36
OFM ART
47
OFM STYLE
40
Yiwen Jiang MaryV Summer Queers Comic
DAVID HERNANDEZ photo by Bobby Quillard
Pasha Eve Bond Intimates Playlove
photo by Shaun Vadella
FROM THE EDITOR 07 LETTER 08 OFM BREAKING 10 OFM HEALTH 13 OFM CULTURE
photo by David Vance
WET HOT SUMMER
TABLE OF CONTENTS
24
BRODY DANGER
SERVING THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY OF THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS SINCE 1976
WET HOT SUMMER
PHONE 303-477-4000 FAX 303-325-2642 WEB /OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM FACEBOOK /OUTFRONTCOLORADO TWITTER /OUTFRONTMAGAZNE INSTAGRAM /OUTFRONTMAGAZINE
FOUNDER
photo by Nikki Rae
PHIL PRICE 1954-1993
50 OFM CANNABIS 54 OFM ASTROLOGY 56 OFM THOUGHTS 60 OFM LUST 66 OFM LIT 42 VINCINT
ADMINISTRATION INFO@OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM CO-PUBLISHER MAGGIE PHILLIPS CO-PUBLISHER ADDISON HERRON-WHEELER PRESIDENT JERRY CUNNINGHAM CHIEF STRATEGISTS JEFF JACKSON SWAIM, LANI LANGTON EDITORIAL EDITORIAL@OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM EDITOR-IN-CHIEF ADDISON HERRON-WHEELER EXECUTIVE CREATIVE DIRECTOR, MUSIC EDITOR VERONICA L. HOLYFIELD COPY EDITOR KEEGAN WILLIAMS CELEBRITY INTERVIEWER DENNY PATTERSON BREAKING NEWS REPORTER, PODCAST EDITOR RAY MANZARI WRITERS AMANDA E.K., ANGEL RIVERA, ARIANNA BALDERRAMA, BRIAN BYRDSONG,
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outfrontmagazine.com 5
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FROM THE EDITOR
We’re finally getting the wet-hot, vaxxed summer we all deserve. Last year, COVID robbed us of a proper summer. Outdoor events and festivals were canceled; pools were closed; travel was banned, and plans were canceled if they involved meeting folks outside your bubble. No one swam; no one partied, and no one had fun. Now, much of the U.S. is fully vaccinated, and we’re bouncing back with a vengeance for a steamy, sexy summer. Proud out, trans folks like Elliot Page are flaunting their stuff topless, and this issue is filled with the steamy and the sexy. And even though we’ve spent a summer in sweatpants hiding inside, it’s now time to step into the light and show it all off. Feeling a little socially anxious or generally overwhelmed getting back into the world is totally normal, and not everyone is comfortable with showing off their body. But one thing we’re not going to do this summer is shame others, or ourselves, for putting on the “COVID-19” or any other amount of weight that was or wasn’t gained during this unprecedented time in our history. Also, we’re not going to compare ourselves to others. If you look like Eliot Page or Gigi Gorgeous topless, wow, congrats! You’re super hot! But guess what; if you look more like me and carry some extra weight and curves, or if you’re trans and you don’t live up to what society expects from a “hot” trans person, you’re also super sexy and oh-so valid. So, whether you gained the COVID-19, 49, or -9, you’re gorgeous; you’re valid, and your body is a beach body if you have the desire to take that body to the beach. Take it all off; show just what you’re comfortable with, or keep it covered up and locked down. Whatever you do, you be you. May this summer bring you sun, limited vaccine side effects, and gender euphoria. -Addison Herron-Wheeler
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OFM breaking
LEGALIZING
Sex Work
By Ray Manzari
It’s estimated that there are more than a million sex workers in America. A survey of U.S. sex workers conducted in 2014 found that 33 percent identified as Black, 17 percent as white, 11 percent as Latino, and 8 percent as multiracial. More than three-quarters (78 percent) were cisgender females, 19 percent transgender females, and 3 percent were male. Sex work became prominent in American cities in the early 19th century, when young men began moving to more metropolitan areas as soldiers or laborers. Women of that time found that sex work could be profitable and provided an otherwise-unattainable financial independence. By mid-century, most cities had “red light” districts where brothels thrived as part of the urban sporting culture. Fear of women being coerced into sex work led to the “white slavery” scare of 1910, which brought on a concerted attack by progressive reformists. These reformists used the emergency of World War I to close public brothels, pushing America’s sex markets into clandestine spaces and empowering pimps’ control over women’s sexual labor. During World War II, concern for soldiers’ venereal health led to the military experimenting with regulating sex work using precedents set in the Spanish-American war. Post-World War II, the celebration of marriage and family pushed sex work to the margins of society. Where women who sold sex were seen as psychologically deviant, men who purchased sex were thought to be sexually liberated. The dawning of second-wave feminism in the 1960s brought momentum to the sex workers’ rights movement, which became entangled with the fight for LGBTQ equality. A collective study done by the ACLU, HRC, and Women’s March found in 2020 that an outright majority (52 percent) of voters across all political IDs support decriminalization of sex work. The report’s policy platform calls on: • Legislative bodies to repeal statutes and create expungement systems • Prosecutors to issue decline-to-prosecute policies and to return civil asset forfeiture taken because of prostitution-related charges • Cities and counties to defund vice policing units and conduct investigations into law enforcement misconduct, especially sexual misconduct, against people in the sex trades
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• Local, state, and federal governments to fund LGBTQyouth-affirming shelters, invest in affordable housing for all, and fund services for people in the sex trades that are non-stigmatizing and not tied to arrest or police. “It’s very simple; decriminalizing sex work is the future. One, real wages haven’t risen, 13 percent of Americans know someone who has died because they couldn’t afford healthcare, and we have a $1.5 trillion student debt crisis. The economy is leaving people behind, so if you’re not doing sex work, you know someone who is. It’s harder to call for the criminalization of something that more and more people in your community are relying on for survival.” – Nina Luo, data for progress fellow, Decrim NY organizer. “The criminalization of sex work hurts our communities and advances the epidemic of violence targeting Black, trans women. These policies feed police profiling of trans women of color and make it harder for those LGBTQ people who rely on sex work for income to stay safe. While legislative reforms move forward with growing public support, we call on district attorneys who want to lower their local jail populations and decrease racial disparities to stop enforcement of these discriminatory laws. Doing so will also reduce violence and save lives.” - LaLa Zannell, Trans Justice campaign manager, American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU). “As Latinx people for justice and self-determination for all people, Mijente calls for the decriminalization of sex work in solidarity with all workers. Criminalization is a constant threat to the lives and precarious safety of our most vulnerable people, including immigrants and trans folks. It’s no coincidence that the communities who most need protection are disproportionately laboring in unprotected industries such as sex work, domestic work, and agricultural work. It is way past time to end the abuse and stigma—decriminalize sex work now!” - Sofia Campos, director of First Impressions, Mijente With legalization would come government regulation, which many hope would help to protect sex workers from violent crimes and human trafficking. One local activist, Megan Lundstrom of Greeley, has sparked conversation and provided an inside look into human trafficking in our own backyard. “As a young adult and single mom, I was trafficked for about five years, I was arrested 11 times on prostitution charges, and on the arrest sheets—I will never forget this—there’s a line where the officers are supposed to fill out if there was a victim. And on one of them, it said I had victimized society,” Lundstrom told Westword in 2019. There are three levels of reforming sex work laws. Full criminalization, which is where we stand now, means that either buying or selling sex acts is illegal. Decriminalization would mean you can’t be held accountable, or face legal charges related to sex work, but doesn’t regulate the industry. Finally, full legalization would make sex work a regulated industry, further protecting sex workers rights and shrinking the black market. Public opinion is already on the side for full regulation; now, its up to lawmakers at both the state and federal levels to put America’s beliefs into practice.
outfrontmagazine.com 9
OFM health
fat dairy—can help someone gain weight if they find involuntary weight loss occurring. Generally, everyone should avoid foods high in saturated and trans fats.
Hormone-Specific Suggestions
NUTRITION CONSIDERATIONS FOR
Gender-Affirming Therapies by Zachari Breeding, MS, RDN, CSO, LDN, FAND
T
he transition process can be a long and tedious road, but ultimately, it can allow someone to feel more like their authentic and sexy self. Feel free to show it off—here are some things to consider so you can feel fabulous doing just that!
Calories Matter
Gender-affirming hormone therapy [GHT], such as testosterone [T] and estrogen, are but one way someone in the transgender community can get closer to their transition goals. These hormones can also significantly change your metabolic and nutrition needs. This means the calories you need may be different after starting GHT. Though the research is unclear at this time, many dietitians feel that it is best to support the calorie needs of someone’s gender expression, as opposed to biological sex, while they are on GHT. This is because the risk of unhealthy weight gain can be so great in the transgender community, mostly due to the side effects of GHT. Since it is hard to say that a specific hormone therapy, such as T, can cause weight gain or loss across the span of people within the trans community, it’s best to keep an eye on individual weight changes. Keep in mind that weight changes may be related to an increase in bone or muscle mass, specifically in those on T. In those on progesterone, weight gain from fat mass is more likely. You can track changes in body mass using a body impedance analysis [BIA] machine typically found at a gym or fitness club. Still, it’s more important to track the foods you choose and any physical activity you engage in when looking at overall health. Weight is not an indicator of health. If undesired weight gain starts, check to see if there are unnecessary, higher calorie foods in the diet—think processed or junk foods, high-fat or fried foods, and candy or sweets. There is no such thing as a “bad food,” but eating these foods excessively can help pack on the pounds, cause sluggishness, and even unintentionally promote depressive symptoms. With that said, eating higher calorie, nutritious foods—such as nuts, seeds, avocados, and full1 0 OFM J U L Y 2 0 2 1
GHT is not without its inherent, nutrition-related concerns; however, the benefits of reaching someone’s transition goals can mean feeling free to live their best, healthful life. Still, many individuals on hormone therapy can experience weight gain and glucose intolerance (which can lead to diabetes). This is one of the reasons why focused nutrition supports the transition process. As for specific considerations regarding hormone therapy: Testosterone: T increases muscle mass and may increase bone mass, at least in the short term. However, long durations of T may decrease bone mass and contribute to an increased risk of osteoporosis. This means checking Vitamin D levels and eating foods higher in calcium, such as leafy greens and dairy. Additionally, the effects of T may significantly reduce or eliminate the menstrual cycle, which would impact iron needs. Unnecessarily taking iron supplements may lead to constipation. Estrogen: May increase risk of blood clots and progesterone may cause weight gain. In those who have their testicles removed, estrogen replacement can play an important role in preserving bone mass. Compared to cisgender women, whose natural estrogen can decrease over time, consistent estrogen replacement use has been shown to have no negative long-term impacts on bone density.
Don’t Forget to Move
For those whose GHT may cause weight gain or a change in bone mass, physical exercise becomes pretty much essential. Exercising doesn’t mean going to the gym, but it does mean weight-bearing exercises that strengthen bone mass and promote a healthy metabolism. Weight-bearing exercises include lifting, cardio with weighted bands around the ankles or wrists, calisthenics (like pushups), and even some types of yoga. Not only can exercising promote overall health, but it is known to build confidence and self esteem. In a world where society relies on unrealistic physical stereotypes, having self esteem is key to your own sexiness.
Celebrate You
Wherever a person is in their transition, their journey is their own. Living your best life nutritionally is one of the best ways to celebrate who you are and promote health at the same time. The role of the registered dietitian is to help all people along the gender spectrum receive focused nutrition tailored to their personal needs and goals. For those within the transgender population on GHT, this means reducing the risk of certain conditions (like glucose intolerance), engaging in healthful eating behaviors, and making any appropriate changes (such as those mentioned above) when starting GHT. While there are plenty of considerations to make when on GHT, the most important things are to listen to your body, enjoy all foods without guilt, and speak to a registered dietitian to see what is right for YOU.
TOP SURGERY By Ray Manzari
This May, I was able to secure a date for something I’ve been dreaming about my whole life: top surgery. For those of you who may not know, top surgery refers to either the masculinization or feminization of one’s chest. For me, it meant getting rid of my size 36DDD breasts and finally looking like myself. I started going through puberty super young, an already traumatizing experience made worse by being trans without knowing it. By sixth grade, I was in training bras; by high school, the only place I could buy bras was Lane Bryant. So, while my friends were buying sexy undergarments from Victoria’s Secret, I was spending close to $60 a bra which came in exactly three colors; black, white, and nude. Shopping for bathing suits was just as, if not more humiliating, because I knew people would be able to see my chest. Much later, when I came out as trans, I knew top surgery was high on my list of priorities. If I ever had any hope in passing (which is not a requirement for being trans), I knew the boobs had got to go. I had asked my gender therapist early in my transition if it would be possible to have surgery before starting hormones. At the time, I was still questioning my identity, but I knew one of my biggest sources of dysphoria came from having some real big knockers. She informed me that most states require patients to be living as their preferred gender and be on hormone therapy for at least a year prior to surgery. This is because “surgery is permanent.” So, I started HRT and a painful year of senseless binding. Binding refers to using compression materials to help flatten one’s chest to appear more masculine. For me, the discomfort of a decent binder which didn’t truly mask the fact that I had breasts wasn’t worth it. So sometimes I bound; sometimes
I wore sports bras, and sometimes I just went out in a big hoodie with nothing under it, ‘cuz fuck it.
OFM health
Teet Yeet, Teetus Deletus
In December of last year, through extensive, online research and numerous calls to my insurance, I found Dr. Micheal Bateman. I went in for my first consultation and was told that it would probably be a while before we were able to schedule anything since, one, COVID had restricted hospitals from doing non-emergency surgeries, and two, it generally took insurance companies a few months to approve these things, probably longer with the pandemic. In January, Dr. Bateman’s office gave me a call saying they could schedule me as soon as April. I had been expecting to have to wait until at least next year, so naturally, I was elated. Over the next few months, I had several pre-op appointments during which Dr. Bateman and his staff were friendly, affirming, and informative. They eased my worries about this being my first major surgery and informed me of potential risks and complications without scaring me away. The day of the surgery could not have gone smoother. My mom and I, who are both prone to anxiety, were put totally at ease by the staff at Rose Medical Center in Aurora. And after three hours (which to me felt more like three minutes), I was boob-free! The recovery process differs for everyone; many times, the people most comfortable posting post-op pics and recounting how painless it was are the ones who’ve had an easy go at it. For me it’s been a mixed bag. Physically, I don’t feel like I’ve just been through major surgery. I’ve managed to get by without using some of the harsher pain medications prescribed to me. This is what’s worked for me. I’ve noticed a lot of toxic masculinity from the transmasculine community when it comes to bragging about how easily they breezed through recovery. If you need pain meds, take them. If you need to sleep for a week, do it. And if you’ve gotten free nipple grafts (similar to skin grafts), there will be several times where you fear your entire nipple is just going to fall off, but that’s just how they’re healing. As far as how I look, the difference is startling. I’m not ready to go topless, or post any shirtless pics, as I’m still covered in gauze and bandages. But for the first time in close to 20 years, my chest is finally flat, and for that, I’m forever thankful.
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OFM health
Tales of a Fierce, Fat, Fit, Femme
Deserving of
Beauty by Addison Herron-Wheeler
For much of my life, I was sexualized without my consent and without understanding why. I got breasts and curves before I caught up mentally to my physical development, and I was shamed by my adults at school and in my family for showing off too much skin and going through puberty early. Then, it became clear once I was sexually mature that being hot, being sexy, was for skinny, fit, thin, straight, white, conventionally attractive folks. Those outside of that category could be sexualized by fetishists, but that was about it. So, it’s not surprising that for much of my life, I haven’t felt too confident about being sexy.
PLUS-SIZED WOMEN CAN OFTEN EASILY GET SEXUAL ATTENTION, BUT NOT LONGTERM LOVE OR INTEREST. We are sexy and hot, sure, but not beautiful or pretty. And for a femme-identified person, or any person, for that matter, that can be heartbreaking. It’s also easy to cross over from the casually sexy— bathing suit, shorts and a tank top, summer casual—to the pornographic, showing too much skin and “drawing unwanted attention.” While some people may get a certain euphoria and self-assurance from showing a lot of skin in adults-only spaces like OnlyFans, I am not one of them. And those who are sex workers and more openly sexual often get slut shamed much more harshly than their thin counterparts. I’d be lying if I said I had worked through all of this and felt 100 percent sexy, all the time. I still struggle with body dysmorphia, a critical self-eye that whispers insults, and the pressures of society constantly sending messages that any bigger than tiny is too big.
I HAVE A WEIRD RELATIONSHIP WITH THE CONCEPT OF BEING SEXY. This, I’m sure, is not a unique or groundbreaking thought for a queer, femme person. We as a people are often sexualized without our consent, not sexualized when we want to be, and sent confusing messages about sex, gender, and value. But as a person of size, that relationship feels even more confusing.
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But now that I’ve really worked on loving myself, and reminding myself over and over that the feelings I have and the self-images issue I suffer from, are natural symptoms of the society we live in. I may not feel confident constantly, but one thing is for sure: in the summer, I’m going to wear bathing suits to the pool and shorts and tank tops when it’s 90 degrees.
I’M NOT GOING TO LET SOCIETY, OR MY OWN INSECURITIES, SHUT DOWN MY WETHOT SUMMER.
with
MIDTOWNE SPA DENVER
OFM culture
Get Back in the Deep End
by Keegan Williams
T
here was a time in 2020 when Jim Clarke, general manager of Midtowne Spa in Denver, felt like the business may never open their doors again. “They weren’t prepared to be closed this long. So, they were kind of, like, really freaking out. I tell you what; it’s lucky we made it, ‘cuz I thought for sure when they laid us off the second time, and things were getting bleak, I thought that it was over,” Clarke says. Clarke sat down with OFM days before reopening their Denver location, which officially opened doors June 4 with limited hours of 11 a.m. to 3 a.m., Wednesday through Sunday. Midtowne Spa closed on March 15, 2020. Clarke notes their main competition, Denver Swim Club, will not be reopening. OFM attempted to reach out to Denver Swim Club multiple times with no response. Clarke says they had tried to open up in the middle of the pandemic, and the Denver Department of Public Health had to close them down. “I guess they decided it was too much for them, so they closed.” Clarke had just received notice about three weeks prior to reopening that they were allowed, under the pretense of verifying vaccination cards and noting vaccination statuses in spa-goers’ profiles before allowing anyone inside. Once vaccination status is verified, masks are not required at the spa. Clarke says the spa has partnered with Denver Public Health for a long time, and he has already worked to ensure they are running five, four-hour shifts a week to offer STD testing and resources for attendees upon reopening. In addition, they have always supplied free condoms and have a strict policy against unprotected sex, enforcing procedures for a first warning followed by a life ban for people who do not comply. Clarke also notes their strict policy against drug-use and the new conversations surrounding it as they reopen “Our competitor, and I’m not saying bad things about them, but they were a little more lenient, which was a good thing for us because the people that we 86 for drugs really can’t come back forever,” Clarke says. When spa-goers use alcohol or cannabis, they are temporarily 86’ed, though anything harder will result in a lifetime ban, from both the Denver and Los Angeles spa locations. Clarke anticipates they will see an influx in folks who have been previously banned for drug use and plans to enforce the same regulations to keep their space drug-free. He says anyone is free to plead their case if they are now drug-free or can prove
they will abide by the spa’s policies going forward. Midtowne is still a gay men’s club, but Clarke says he looks at opportunities to make Midtowne accessible for all people to enjoy. For one, where they used to have rules against letting in transmasculine people and men without a ‘male’ gender marker on their IDs; they now allow any person who presents and identifies as male in, regardless of the ID’s gender marker. Clarke also notes that they intend to bring back masked Panorama Parties, open to people of all genders. The party had initially had major success in Los Angeles, and Clarke noted it was a struggle to get them going in Denver. “[Clarke’s boss], from the get-go, said no. And then two years went by, and he asked me again, and I said that one again, and he’s like, ‘No.’ And then he sadly passed away in 2016. And then I got a new boss, and he immediately came to me and said, ‘Do you have any other party ideas?’ So, evidently my old boss and him never spoke about it together—the idea—to him. He said, ‘Yeah, let’s try that,’” Clarke says. “So we’ve had about seven of them … They are super popular. We have a line out the door around the block to get the party started at 9:00, and we’re completely at capacity at 9:00.” It might take some time for these and other events to return, as Clarke and the crew are still monitoring the opening at limited hours, their staffing needs, and gauging profits before expanding. Clarke is eager to welcome Denver spa-goers back and encourages people who have been previously 86’ed, and feel it should be lifted, to open up the conversation. “If you feel like you’ve been 86’ed for a wrong reason, or it’s something stupid—’cuz I mean, things, like I said, if it’s drugs, if it’s theft, somebody breaks into a locker or somebody’s room or steals, or violence … those are permanent 86. See what happens is sometimes, you know, somebody will do something stupid in the room … I don’t want them to feel like they’re 86’ed for life for doing something that they probably don’t even know what they did to be 86’ed.” Clarke expects a lot to shift in the coming months for Midtowne Spa and says they will be looking to bulk up their staff soon. Now, he just wants to ensure that anyone who missed their presence knows Midtowne Spa is eager to welcome them in. “There’d be rumors, you know, people say, ‘Oh, they were sold or they’re closing,’ or, ‘They’re doing this, that’ ... We want to welcome everyone back. We realize that we’re the only game in town right now.” outfrontmagazine.com 13
Laser Hair Removal vs. Waxing: How Do They Compare? There’s nothing like the feeling of having silky, smooth, hair-free skin. And while waxing offers longer-lasting results than shaving, there’s another hair removal method that many swear by—laser hair removal. But, how does laser hair removal compare to waxing? We spoke to Denver’s laser hair removal experts at Milan Laser Hair Removal to learn more.
Cost
Pain
The average person spends $24,000 in a lifetime on waxing appointments. Leg waxing, in particular, can cost over $15,000 in a lifetime. The cost of laser hair removal, however, is a fraction of that. Some providers, such as Milan Laser, even offer nointerest, affordable laser hair removal payment plans starting as low as $29 a month.
Some get used to the feeling of hair being ripped away from the body, but it’s still uncomfortable. Laser hair removal feels like a rubber band snapping against the skin for a millisecond. Many lasers, such as the Candela GentleMax Pro used at Milan Laser, have built-in comfort features. For example, the Candela has a cooling cryogen mist that’s
Waxing TOTAL LIFETIME COST
24k
FREQUENCY PER YEAR
10
PAIN INDEX Low
High
Laser Hair Removal TOTAL LIFETIME COST
NUMBER OF TREATMENTS
2.5k 7-10
PAIN INDEX Low
High
released after each laser pulse to reduce any potential discomfort.
Before & After Laser Hair Removal
Longevity Waxing gives you results for a few weeks—but the hair grows back. Alternatively, laser hair removal provides you with permanent results when done properly. That’s because a laser pulse is delivered to the targeted area during laser hair removal treatments, and a controlled amount of heat safely and effectively damages the follicles. Since the follicle is destroyed at the source, it can never grow again. The average Milan Laser client is 95%+ hair-free within seven to 10 treatments.
Bikini Line
Bikini Line
Underarm
Underarm
(Before)
(After)
But hormone changes, age, and genetics can affect hair growth. Follicles can become active, and new hair can grow. This is where touch-up appointments are necessary. Some places, like Milan Laser, offer unlimited laser hair removal packages, which means never worrying about touch-up fees or other surprise costs.
The Verdict
(Before)
(After)
Both methods do what they promise by removing unwanted hair. But when compared, laser hair removal prevails. Waxing produces only temporary results, albeit longer than shaving, and the lifetime cost of waxing is more expensive than laser hair removal.
Back
(Before)
Ready to enjoy permanent, hair-free results? Give Milan Laser a call at 833-NO-RAZOR or book a free consultation at www.MilanLaserDenver.com to speak with a local laser hair removal expert at any of Milan Laser’s six Colorado locations. They have four convenient locations in Denver as well as locations in Colorado Springs and Fort Collins.
Neck
(Before)
Back
(After)
Neck
(After)
MILAN Laser Hair Removal ™
OFM culture
Pasha Eve Photo by Christian Cowan
Harm Reduction and the Pursuit of Justice as a
Queer, Asian Activist by Keegan Williams
P
“
The community is still very segregated ... The most vulnerable population, the most murdered, are BIPOC, trans sex workers.
asha Eve admits that she “checks off a number of boxes” that often make for a multifaceted, if not challenging experience.
“I’m considered an elder, whatever that means; I’m queer AF; I’m also Korean; I was born in Wanju, South Korea, and I’m biracial,” Pasha says. Pasha is also a survivor of human trafficking and a former, consenting adult sex worker. From her own storied history, she built nonprofit Red Light Resources International (RLRI), hoping to help curb human trafficking by supporting human rights for everyone, including consenting adult sex workers. “There’s a cycle that kind of runs through, where you kind of get stuck between working as a sex worker, you want to get out in the end, you wind up in labor trafficking type of situation, because, you know, you wind up working for your landlord and in exchange for rent, and that doesn’t help anybody,” Pasha says. “I am a strong believer that there’s a huge difference between human trafficking victims and consenting adult sex workers, and when you conflate the two, you do a disservice to both populations.” Pasha’s work led her to Parasol Patrol, started by queer activist Eli Bazon in collaboration with mutual friend Charles Rozanski, owner of Mile High Comics. It was formed to protect children from the onslaught of hateful speech from protesters at LGBTQ-focused, family-friendly events. Pasha recalls helping at events like Drag Story Time at Mile High Comics in 2019, which were increasingly met with angry, aggressive protestors outside. Protestors would bring
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”
out “borderline-pornographic” signs and masks, yelling at children with the intent to scare them. Parasol Patrol bought umbrellas and over-the-ear protection for children out of pocket at first, but they eventually made a Facebook page, which was met with huge success and growth. People soon began reaching out for help nationwide, and Parasol Patrol became a national organization. Pasha says all of this work is related, and community-building work acts as a preventative measure for LGBTQ youth who may later need those resources and safe spaces. “It’s usually teens, tweens, young people, that have either been kicked out of their house or run away, or usually a combination of both, and usually, because they’re gay or queer in some way. So, they turn to survival sex work, or they get taken in by an unscrupulous person that’s like, ‘Hey, for a place to stay.’ That kind of thing. It’s not something that they want to do, but they do it to get by, right?” COVID put a damper on the progress, and with in-person events on pause, Pasha and the crew looked at other ways to help, including microgrants, “boredom baskets” for kids, and mutual-aid requests. The team adapted yet again with the 2020 protests following the death of George Floyd, helping to keep participants in youth-led, BIPOC protests safe. Pasha would often drive her large pickup truck (“It’s so big; I think there’s a hole in the ozone layer following it.”) at the back of the crowd to help mitigate traffic. Pasha recalls a youth-led protest at the Capitol last year: “All of the speakers were all young people, teenagers. This one kid
pre-pandemic, versus the BIPOC-focused protests in 2020 and 2021, saying BIPOC events received significantly less interest and volunteers. “I know that COVID is a factor, I do, but we’re very small, and even the donations that we would get, if we were helping out BIPOC rallies? Mm-mm. No. For the candlelight vigil I was talking about, we had two volunteers show up. Two. For the big AAPI rally, the only volunteers that came were the ones I had met from the candlelight vigil! That alone shows that the community is still very segregated, and it’s not OK. The most vulnerable population, the most murdered, are BIPOC, trans sex workers. Big time.” Pasha is looking forward to pursuing more in-person events, but she knows that the blatant racism in this country, unearthed from the previous administration, isn’t going anywhere and urges LGBTQ people to be intersectional in their pursuit of progress. “If you can’t physically go out, then donate. If you can’t donate, just share posts, share events. Nothing is too small. But I really want to see more of our community out there for these kids … We want to be the grown-ups for these kids that we didn’t have … I would love to see more queer people of color, and just queer people in general, coming out to show these kids that they are loved, not in spite of who they are, but because of who they are. It makes a difference.” To learn more and get involved, check out parasolpatrol.org and rlri.org.
OFM culture
who speaks to a lot of events, actually—he’s so talented; he’s gifted; he truly is … He leaves, and Ashira (Campbell) says in the mic, ‘Can you believe he’s 12 years old?’ and jaws dropped. So, we’ve had this dichotomy between, you know, these cute little fluffy unicorns (at events for children) and the hate and what young people face as they get older, you know?” Things hit especially close to home for Pasha following the massacre of eight Asian people in the Atlanta spa shootings earlier this year and the eruption of protests condemning anti-Asian hate. “Kind of a lot of different aspects of my life kind of focused, and I’ve spoken at a lot of events,” Pasha says, specifically recounting the candlelight vigil held in March at Old Chinatown by Coors Field. Pasha told the story of her grandmother, who fled with her four children after her husband was arrested from North Korea to the South Korean border. They were denied entry and were forced to survive in the woods until they were able to sneak out, wedged tightly together on a long journey with no bathroom on a Chinese fishing boat. “Talking about that Korean side of my family is not something I get to do a lot … But, speaking at that candlelight vigil, I had everyone do a Korean bow, and I looked up, and hundreds and hundreds of people were kneeling ... It really meant a lot to me.” Pasha has hope moving forward, but she was disheartened by her experience working in more LGBTQ-focused spaces
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OFM culture
Overcoming Guilt, Shame, and Addiction by Denny Patterson
A
t 6 years old, fitness coach and LGBTQ addiction recovery advocate Mark A. Turnipseed received the message loud and clear: liking boys is a sin and a oneway ticket bound for Hell. Confused and full of self-hatred, Turnipseed created a façade of the boy he thought he was supposed to be. However, attempting to live a lie only sent him spiraling even deeper. In his tell-all memoir, My Suicide Race: Winning Over the Trauma of Addiction, Recovery, and Coming Out, readers receive a first-hand account of Turnipseed’s journey as he plunges into the darkness of drug addiction, alcoholism, prostitution, and suicide attempts. After surviving numerous relapses, he finally finds a surprising key to saving his own life. While training for a triathlon, Turnipseed embraces a fresh commitment to 1 8 OFM JULY 2 0 2 1
Photo by Danny Cardozo
Mark A. Turnipseed sober strategies that leads to good health, self-acceptance, and authenticity. He shows that recovery is possible, even for those who struggle for years to reach sobriety. My Suicide Race offers hope on so many levels. OFM had the opportunity to connect with Turnipseed and talk more about the book, releasing these dark memories out into the world, how competing in triathlons played a role in his recovery, and the experience of embracing his selfconfidence and sex appeal. Let me begin by asking about My Suicide Race. How excited are you to release your debut book and tell your story? It was extremely exciting, but honestly, fairly anticlimactic [laughs]. The reason I say that is because you think these truths that you are bringing into the world are going to hit and shatter, and everybody is going to be shocked. Yes, there was an element of shock, and there were a lot of people excited about the book, but the beautiful thing about it is, we are all in this together. We all experience pain; we all have traumas; we all have sexual issues. So, it was less of this exciting bubble burst and more of a relationship and closeness that I felt with family, friends, and others who read the book.
Yes, because I think that is the scariest and hardest thing to feel. I think that is ultimately why we fear things so terminal as death. We would be so alone in the darkness. Being left alone is, like, one of our first fears as a baby, and that is why we start crying. That is why going to sleep at night is so hard when you are a little baby. That is why we all strive so hard and do the most outrageous things for love and companionship. We do not want to be alone. When difficult challenges in our lives are facing us, those are reasons why to even feel less alone, not to feel more alone. Those are the things that can bring us together and create a stronger community. You are a triathlete, and you say sports and competing also made an impact on your recovery. Can you talk more about this? The competition aspect of it, I don’t think that had too much to do with my recovery. I think it was more so looking at something that I did not believe in that I could do. For instance, getting sober, it was something that I did not believe that I could do, too. Right when I started training for a triathlon, I had just proven to myself, again, that I could not get sober. I was at wit’s end; I cannot go on living, and I said, I am going to train for a triathlon. I am going to do this. If I don’t do this, then screw it. I am a failure, and I am ready to die. I was really ready to die. It was kind of my last straw. Do something and prove yourself to yourself.
Despite your previous issues with self-confidence, you now do some modeling work. How did you get involved with this business? That came about from the blog Trials to Triathlon. It started to receive a lot of recognition, and one of the readers happened to be a photographer down here in Miami. He reached out to me and said, ‘Hey, I would like you to come down to Miami. I would like to shoot some pictures of you and help promote your book because you need some good pictures.’ I was like, ‘I really don’t know you,’ and I never thought about modeling, or even saw myself as a goodlooking person. I ended up talking with him on the phone, and after a couple months, he just kept bringing it up.
OFM culture
The feeling of not being alone, is that the number-one message you hope readers take away from the book?
So, I came down here, and he ended up being the sweetest man I have ever met. He was a gay, sober individual who happens to work with big-name magazines and huge model agencies. He is an independent photographer, but I did not understand his reputation until I went, and he shot me in this big warehouse studio. He made me feel so freaking beautiful. When I saw myself in the pictures that he took, I was like, ‘Holy cow.’ A great photographer can bring out the beauty that he sees, and he saw something in me that I did not see. He brought that out in those pictures.
That same thing happened to me in track. I was scared of asking a coach for help, and it was holding me back. So, I finally asked a coach for help, and I started to excel at my training. Like, wait a second, Mark. You have been trying to get sober now for 10 years, and you cannot figure it out. You need to ask for fucking help. Stop being such a douche, and let other people in. I realized that my fear of intimacy was holding me back from so much, and I was able to ask for help in that way. As something would come up in triathlon, I would apply it to sobriety, and it would work.
Photo by Steven Menedez
Interestingly, triathlon first helped me start seeing both strengths and weaknesses with myself. May that be emotionally or physically, and both of those started to relate to things that happened in sobriety as well. For instance, I will talk about a weakness; I was extremely scared of asking other people for help. Even when I was in school and could not figure out a math problem, there was no way I was going to ask anybody for help on that math problem. I would struggle over algebra for hours on end so that I would avoid asking a question that could be answered in 10 seconds.
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Photo by Barodahn
OFM culture
Meet the maker TK of Bond Intimates by Veronica L. Holyfield
In the realm of fetish, kink, dominance, and submission, the stakes can be high, but the reward can be even higher. Exploring sexual fantasies can incite feelings of naughtiness as communication swirls around desire while the imagination gets flooded with images of passion and pleasure. Having a propensity for play, many enter physical places and emotional spaces as a way of expanding the mind and getting into the body. Rope drunk, as they call it, is one of those experiences that many know very well when it comes to the erotic art and dance of Shabari bondage rope practice. For TK, a skilled rope creator, practicing the art of Shabari and acro yoga is a discipline that took him years to develop. Exploring the way the body moves amid the technical structure of knots and ties, he is a well-versed top and derives pride and satisfaction in everything that combines his love of the practice with inviting others to play. Treading the line of sexual escapade and wellness education led TK to the obvious, next step. Starting his own rope refining business, Bond Intimate, sees TK delivering handmade, cared-for, quality products that also encompass education, encouragement, and intention. Removing intimidation and making the art of Shabari accessible, TK wants people to safely travel through the world of restraint confidently, eliciting excitement, joy, and eagerness. Discover how TK got immersed in bondage, how the creation of Bond Intimate creates a safe way for others to explore their own fantasies, and why he is passionate about showing us all the ropes.
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How do you create the ropes for Bond Intimate and what do you love most about it? I source it from a European company that's been producing rope for 350 years, and it comes to me in this big spool, sort of raw form. And then I take that and treat it by working it against itself, oiling it, waxing it, baking it, and cutting it to good, usable lengths. Making sure that it feels nice, it looks good, and is strong. There's sort of an inherent kind of beauty to the process. It’s that process of doing it all with my hands, getting that work out on my calluses, feeling every single piece of that rope. Somebody is going to be putting on their most cherished thing in the world, their partner, so making sure that it’s soft and strong so they have what they want to create the experience. What is the first rule when it comes to bondage? Consent is critical to be able to participate in this type of practice, and that's an important part to have of both parties. Sometimes, there'll be a bottom who wants to do something with me that I don't quite feel comfortable doing, whether it's because I don't know exactly what they mean by what they're trying to describe, or there's a safety concern, or I just don't think that the person quite knows exactly what they're asking for. If you don't know what you're getting into then how can you possibly consent to it? What do people need to consider when they are beginning bondage play with rope? That's all going to depend on what type of rope play you're specifically doing. You’re introducing something new into your sex life, and that can be super fulfilling and a satisfying, intimate exploration. Some people can have very, very powerful experiences that happen, whether it's bringing up past trauma, or they're feeling really empowered all of a sudden, or they're feeling something that they hadn't felt in a long time. Those, to me, are the most special and significant kind of moments; I've had bottoms breaking out into tears, and I say, ‘Oh shit, is everything OK? Do you want to stop doing this?’ And they say, ‘No, I've just been trying to work through something, and I feel like I just worked through it.’ It can be therapeutic. What are some things to do to make sure everything is done safely? If you're doing suspension stuff, there's all sorts of considerations to have. You can have issues with nerve damage if things aren't done appropriately. Also, just a line snapping can be catastrophic, so make sure that all your equipment’s good, and that you know what ties that you should be doing, how to do them appropriately, and how those are going to actually impact the maximum load that the rope itself can bear. If somebody is going to be bottoming, then make sure to ask if they have EMT shears or emergency shears around, do they
have a safety hook around, or some sort of way that, if you do need a bail on it, that you can get out? If the person doesn't say yes, then I would honestly not tie with them, or be very, very cautious about what types of ties will be done. Bond Intimate offers education with every kit; why is that component important to you?
OFM culture
How did you get introduced to Shabari bondage? It was actually through my acro yoga community, and I spent my first two years experimenting and exploring. Some people you work with in the acro community are really flexi people, and when you combine restriction, it ends up being a really good tool to access the whole body and get a much deeper stretch. That was where I really developed my understanding of how rope works and how it works with the body, in particular the sensations and experiences that a partner might go through when they're in the ropes.
It's really important to at least have a good, fundamental kind of educational base about what you're getting into. A lot of folks see some cool stuff online–they see a cool picture, they see a cool video and want to be able to do that. When people get a kit, I want to make sure to sit them down and show them a couple introductory ties, point them in the direction of some really great, educational resources that exist out there, and make sure that they understand what they're signing up for when getting into a real practice. Knowing what you don't know is almost more important than knowing exactly what to do, because within that, it then informs how you establish the boundaries. It is super important to me because you don't want anyone to have a bad experience and then just get turned off and never want to try it again. What is the experience like for bottoms that you work with in your own practice? It's such a subjective experience, different for each person, but the most common thing that I hear is they felt very safe, very close, very connected, very excited, and turned on. It’s human-connection-adjacent experiences that they could kind of lump into one sort of sensation. There's a term called rope drunk; it's an experience that some people feel, typically after the play, sometimes within it, but it becomes more prominent once it's through. It's this sensation of being able to surrender and allow somebody in your physical, mental, and even spiritual space; a feeling of trust, connection, intimacy, and confidence. It’s kind of comparable to subspace. Why do you love teaching others the art of Shabari bondage? Everything that I try to do is to lighten the load of all the hassle and not-so-fun parts that I had to go through on my journey. I had a really hard time just finding decent rope to tie with, and when I got started, I was using some nylon rope from Ace Hardware. Also, there was a lot of attitude of, ‘Well, if you’re not paying me, fuck off,’ and there is still a lot of that, and it really frustrates me. I’m trying to make things accessible, open things up, and get good, high-quality products into people’s hands. It's play; part of it is really trying to introduce that kind of play side to intimacy and sexuality. It kind of gamifies getting to know your partner; the stakes are still high because there is risk, but isn't that the best? A lot of people really enjoy having some sort of challenge and sense of adventure. Through those types of experiences, it's if not strengthening of the relationship, it’s very telling of where you are in the relationship. Ninety percent of the people that are out there are not going to be trying to do big performances or whatever else, they want to add a little bit of extra spice to their love life. So, being able to be a guide and a resource on a student's particular journey is what I really take a lot of pride in. outfrontmagazine.com 21
OFM culture
Playlove App Provides Safe, Sex-Positive Space for Kink and Community by Keegan Williams
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Apps are essential tools for folks looking to meet new people today; whether it’s a new friendship, relationship, or casual sex partner, the landscape for community building has shifted immensely over the past decade. Even with the abundance of new tools available, Sante Suffoletta, CEO of the Playlove app, saw there was an essential space still missing. Suffoletta spent most of the 90s working at clubs in Denver and Colorado Springs, eventually taking time to explore his own sexuality in relation to the swinger space and kink. Suffoletta always had a knack for technology, and in hosting events, he observed the specific needs of sex-positive and kink-focused communities, which many existing, social media platforms don’t support. “Unless you’re going to a private, sometimes almost billed as a porn-type of site, it’s very hard to make those types of connections,” Suffoletta says. “And a lot of people aren’t looking for porn; they’re just looking for connections and friendships, right? But when they try to be fully expressed on a platform like Facebook, or Tinder, they’ll get shut down, or their profiles will get banned.” Part of the problem is that the standards for many platforms are either very black-and-white or somewhat arbitrary. Suffoletta began developing Playlove in 2019 (previously named the Minaj Dating App) to provide a platform for people to fully express and share themselves, uncensored, but also with the “bells and whistles” they love about modern, social media.
“If you like to color outside the lines, so to speak, or feel like you identify or don’t identify as anything specific, or it’s fluctuating, this is an app for you. And we always find that that’s the case, too, with sexuality: People want to explore nonmonogamy, and then they’ll want to maybe explore kink and fetish, and then they’ll want to be a monogamist … We designed the app around that fluidity that we always saw in these communities.”
OFM culture
While navigating sex-positive and queer communities, he says many people don’t want to subscribe to a single label, or check a single box in regard to their sexuality and identity.
The Playlove team learned, with kink and sex-positivity, people craved more than just a quick, surface-level swipe feature, which they have since improved to include all profile information alongside a queue of all profiles a person might have matched with. They also have enforced a certification feature to ensure that users know the person they are talking to is a real person. In addition, Playlove incorporates a feed feature similar to Facebook in which people can post photos and comments in order to be more interactive with their in-app communities. They plan to launch GPS and location-based search features, similar to Grindr, and push notifications soon.
And in that, the Playlove team takes into account what communities crave in a more open, fluid, digital space, while still providing accessibility and user safety. “The one thing I’ve learned from years and years of doing events is, I can’t be objective,” Suffoletta says. “Nor can our team. If it has our company name on it, and we’re making a decision around something that’s controversial, it’s going to hurt us. So, we’ve actually engaged with the NCSF (National Coalition for Sexual Freedom) to help with our consent and community guidelines, policies and procedures, things of that nature.” Playlove has an internal team to monitor feeds alongside “very simple, strict rules” they follow and that the community must adhere to. Any reports on a user considered a predator involve an appeal process through NCSF so they don’t feel like Playlove is making arbitrary or personal decisions. Additionally, Suffoletta recognizes that many apps today still approach gender and sexuality in a rigid way that often isn’t reflective of reality and has ensured Playlove accounts for that, too. “People are learning that this isn’t a one-and-done type of process for most humans,” Suffoletta says. “As we go through life, on our sexual journeys and our relationship journeys, there’s a lot of different stones we want to uncover and explore. So, an app like Playlove gives people the ability that, no matter how they identify, and no matter what they’re looking for, they can find somebody else that fits that, specifically.”
The COVID-19 pandemic was a bit of a hiccup, as the nature of kink and sex-positive communities inherently involves gathering with other people, which we’re all well aware was challenging over the past year. Looking at events in relation to the Playlove platform is a major focus moving forward. Following the launch of Playlove events this summer, they are looking to continue optimizing the app to ensure it is just as “sexy and modern” as the competition. Suffoletta says ensuring users are having a quality experience and finding the space they need in Playlove, where they can’t elsewhere, is most important. His goal is to bring on 10,000 total subscribers by the end of the year. However, he acknowledges that, “it’s less about the numbers and more about the quality and the experience, which I’m optimistic as we come out of this event tunnel and people start going out more again, we should see that, and know what’s not working, and we’ll be able to go work on that.” Suffoletta ultimately hopes that apps like Playlove will help to unite more people in freedom of expression as the sexpositivity movement continues to ramp up. “When all of the (LGBTQ) sub-communities started working better together, things move forward a lot more quickly. I see the same thing with sex positivity … All these groups overlap in some ways, and all of them do their own thing differently in some ways … And advancing that by really bringing all these communities together on one platform, where you can still be selective and only get messages or see the people that you really want to see, but still support a platform or a community a world that advances all this.” You can create a Playlove account by visiting members.playlove.co/logins/createaccount. Keep up with Playlove at playlove.co for upcoming events in the Denver area. outfrontmagazine.com 23
by Veronica L. Holyfield
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Photos by Nikki Rae
OFM gallery
FLIRTING with Danger
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n the Denver, queer, nightlife community, Brody Danger has been a staple since they got on the scene in 2015. Refining performance, inventing persona, and making connections, Danger never realized that the biggest connection they hadn’t yet made was that of their personal identity. It wasn’t until COVID hit, changing our lives forever, that they finally had a chance to sit with themselves, out of drag, and ponder the line between art and life. “I think it hit me really hard; in 2019 and early-2020; I would perform every weekend and as much as I could; I was existing in that world,” Danger explains. “When the world shut down, it kind of messed with my head.” As a drag-lesque performer, Danger was a fully-realized, nonbinary, masculine artist with a lush beard, smokey eye, and a punk-rock-meets-country-western esteem. Flirtatious, confident, and sensual, the grandiosity matched the personality. Unbecoming Danger for the foreseeable future, his life became isolation and quarantine, It also became introspection. “I’ve always, in the back of my mind, there’s always been some gender dysphoria, but I hadn’t really paid too much mind to it because, at least a couple days a week, I got to put Brody out in the world. Through that whole experience, I realized that I really did want to live more as Brody,” they say. Having never made the realization that they were not living authentically until their ability to express through performance was taken away, finding their way to their true gender identity was an unexpected journey. Learning that becoming Danger was not only a pastime or a hobby, but truly a reflection of who they are inside, they were more comfortable inside themselves being the expression of a character than a subtle version of themselves. Bringing to light everything that had been unexamined brought to the surface feelings of hesitation, fear, excitement, and hesitation inside Danger, but ultimately, they were willing to do the work. “It’s always scary to look that deeply inward, but I’m very grateful for when, I feel like [during] a time that we were so isolated from one another, I was absolutely overwhelmed by the support and the love that I got when I announced what I was doing. It was amazing to be reminded that we’re not alone, in a time when we all felt so disconnected,” Danger explains. The announcement Danger made was that they were getting top surgery, a procedure which they had done in late-2020. This was reminiscent of a similar experience that Danger had in the past which reinforced the idea that this was the next right move. “I had a reduction because I’ve always hated my chest, and so, when I was younger, I just thought it was that I wanted them smaller. I was never happy after that happened, and in the past couple years, I realized that it’s because I wanted them gone,” Danger says. And it was that distinction that made proceeding with a second surgery, from both a logistical and emotional state, easier to approach. However, the knowledge that they were coming more into themselves with top surgery did not dispel all the fear and
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OFM gallery
While we continue to educate others, and ourselves, around empowering language that is void of microaggressions when it comes to gender expression and identity, Danger eagerly demonstrates what it looks like to stand in one’s own authentic and unapologetic self. This is where the collaboration between Danger and photographer Nikki Rae collided, as Danger was a couple months post-op, and Rae was excited to celebrate their strength and courage. Danger was approached by Rae with the idea of creating art around the celebration of coming into their body, while leaning into the comfort of performance, and they produced a set of images that truly represent who Danger knows they have always been deep down. “It was amazing, and I think I’m still in awe when I look at those that look at those photos; she did such an incredible job of showing confidence in me. I feel like it’s the first time I can look at a photo and be like, ‘Oh hell yeah, like, that is me,’ and that’s an amazing feeling,” they say. “Sometimes, it’s hard to see who we are when we are looking at ourselves in the mirror, and it takes those other people to kind of reflect it back to us so we’re finally able to see. “I think we get so caught up in thinking that other people only can see these parts of us, like, I only thought people could see my chest or that only people can only see that I was born female, and in reality, it’s like, no, people see me; Nikki sees me through her camera; my partner sees me, which ultimately has been how I’ve been wanting to be seen, but unable to see,” Danger says.
uncertainty entirely. Danger was very comfortable being nonbinary, binding their chest and wearing makeup, but was this going to provide the ease in an accurate perception from others? They say yes, and no. “My friends and my family do, but to the general public, I get misgendered all the time. They take one look at eye makeup and hips, and it doesn’t matter how flat-chested I am. That stuff just gets to you after a while, and it’s hard when you feel like you’re presenting 100 percent how you want to and someone with one, ‘Hey ladies,’ can take you down,” they say. It isn’t just about folks coming into their own gender identity, but also the societal adjustment to changing perception of sex and gender that really has a lasting and empowering impact to those, like Danger, who are nonbinary and gender-diverse. While Danger has freed themself of the daily discomfort of being in their own skin with the relief of top surgery, the burden still lays on them to advocate for themselves on a daily basis. “Some days, I just want to go out, and I just want to exist, and I don’t want to fight. Sometimes, you just want to get a drink with your partner and not have it be a lesson for someone or be the elephant in the room when the server misgenders you,” Danger says. “I’m definitely more aware when I’m in a queer space or a space of people that are queer; it’s always the easy stuff where you get a, ‘Hey, y’all,’ or, ‘Hey, folks,’ as opposed to, ‘Welcome, ladies.’”
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During increasingly digital times,
some things are better in analog
Gorgeous
GIGI
A Queen of Social Media by Denny Patterson
B
orn in the Canadian City of Montreal, Gigi Lazzarato Getty, aka Gigi Gorgeous, is proof that beauty exists beyond smoke and mirrors.
In 2008, she became a breakout star on YouTube, posting videos on beauty, fashion, and makeup tutorials as a high school student, while also encouraging viewers to express themselves in the face of bullies and harassment. A few years after making her internet debut, Gigi came out as transgender. Since then, Gigi has become a transgender activist, author, television personality, actress, model, and LGBTQ icon. She has won several awards, teamed up with IPSY for a makeup collection, and has built a full-on empire that includes a feature-length film about her story and a memoir. And, of course, her YouTube channel continues to thrive, with millions of people viewing her videos. Gigi has been named one of Time Magazine’s “25 Most Influential People on the Internet,” Forbes’ “30 Under 30,” and was The Los Angeles Blade’s “Best LGBTQ Influencer” in 2020. She has shown the world that real beauty comes from sharing your personal story and flaws, and she uses her platform to speak to both the LGBTQ and straight community alike. OFM had the opportunity to catch up with Gigi and talk about using her stardom for activism, having the courage to put yourself out there, and her brand-new podcast, Queerified, which launched in June.
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As a social media star, what do you hope audiences take away from your content? When I started, it was more about beauty tips, fashion, and lifestyle stuff. Now, I have really noticed my purpose on this Earth is to leave it a better place than when I came into it. So, I hope people take away how to be confident, even in these most trying of times, how to make the most of your day, and how to turn negatives into positives. As you know, I have come out several times, so how to stay in touch with who you are and discover new parts of yourself. We are never done growing. I want to inspire all those things, but in general, to inspire people to literally live their authentic selves. Take us back to the moment you uploaded your first YouTube video. What inspired you to create that video, and what do you feel when you look back on it now? Currently, I feel like I really relate with a lot of creators who are uploading their first videos. They are not necessarily fulfilled with the life that they are living around them; they are reaching out to find other, like-minded people, and they are expressing their creativity, whether it be through any avenue. There are so many categories. Back then, I was very, very, very interested in makeup. I was not a professional, even though I sometimes thought I was, but I was basically just experimenting and having fun. Now, when I look back at it, I just see this brave kid. In my town in Toronto, which I am currently in, overlooking the city, doing YouTube, being on the internet, making videos, and
Photos by Shaun Vadella
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am all for, but I do think cancel culture does go a little bit far sometimes, and it can be harmful. I think with mental health being so prevalent right now, it is so important that we check in with one another, and we hold each other accountable. I feel like the world, now more than ever, really does like seeing people who are higher up, and tearing them down for the littlest thing. I think that you can learn from your mistakes in the past, and you can get over them. If you truly look inward Have makeup, beauty, and fashion always been passions and see what you have done is wrong, then that is what needs of yours? to be done. I do not believe that people should be canceled. I got into makeup and fashion, first and foremost, because I Not only are you a beauty vlogger, but you are also a was insecure. I had very bad skin when I was younger. I had model and actress. Do you have any upcoming projects full acne; I had to go on Accutane, and I was a competitive you would like to talk about? diver at the time. Chlorine and acne were just a horrible mix. So, yes, I was always fascinated by it. Even before I started Right now, I am very focused and excited about my podcast, applying it on myself, I would look at fashion magazines and Queerified, which launched on June 16. I have always wanted be like, ‘Oh my God, they look beautiful; I wonder how they to do one, I have always been a social person, and so many achieved this look.’ I was always intrigued by that. It wasn’t people in my life have taught me so much. Even if we are just at until I was around 15 years old that I started experimenting, dinner, at a bar, at an event, a social gathering, here and there, building my own collection, and trying it out myself for the I am so excited to dive in with some of my favorite people world to see, even though it was sometimes very cringe- and have amazing, meaningful conversations that are fun and easy to listen to. I am a huge podcast fan; I barely listen worthy. to music anymore. When I am getting ready, I just throw on a What path do you think life would have taken you if you podcast. I am just really excited, and I know that this season never uploaded that first video? uploading videos was not really a thing. I think, to be that kind of weirdo back then, which no one can relate with today because everybody knows what an influencer is, I respect that. I respect that shamelessness. Come who may judge me, but those who are going to support me, those are the people who I want to be around. That’s the sentiment that I still share with myself.
I would have found myself doing something insane. I feel like when you put it out in the universe that you are worthy, the universe kind of just finds something for you. I do not know exactly what I would be doing, but I do believe in manifestation and all that stuff. Maybe something in the entertainment industry, like an art director, an actress, or something like that. Nothing with traditional school, though. That has never been my strong suit. You also use your social media platform to advocate for LGBTQ visibility. How are you building bridges between the gay, trans, and ally communities? Obviously, people within our community are going to be involved in any kind of virtual moment, any kind of social media post moment, supporting the positive, and having fun with it, especially during Pride Month. To me, there is nothing better than when an ally goes just as hard. For a long time, I think allies who wanted to support did not know how to support or did not know what was appropriate. I get asked this question a lot, ‘What can allies do?’ I’m like, allies can do anything. They can do everything. It just spreads the awareness that much further. Even for myself, from way back in the day, I have people on my Facebook, for example, who are not as open-minded as I am. So, if an ally comes along and posts something, it can be shared, it can change your mind, it can just be visible. I feel that is half the battle. This Pride season, I challenged people to really put themselves out there, even if they are an ally. Social media has become a great tool for expressing yourself and raising awareness, but it has also led to cancel culture. What is your opinion on this? First and foremost, I think people being hyper-aware of negative things, things that have been misspoken, things that are genuinely, flat-out wrong, and discrimination, I outfrontmagazine.com 31
“Whenever anyone can speak to not being heterosexual and cisgender, I think it is a big step.”
is just going to be fucking epic. I have been doing some other projects, but the podcast is what I am very excited about, being behind a mic. In your opinion, what makes a great podcast and podcaster? I do love a few podcasts, like Bethany Frankel’s, for example. She is a solo podcaster; her podcast is called Just B. We all know Bethany Frankel is like a robot; she talks so much. So, I like that, but on the contrary, I really love a host-and-co-host relationship and point of view. My co-host is my longest friend ever, Mimi. We have known each other for 18 years, and we are the same in many ways, but we are also different in so many other ways. I like that back and forth. I like hearing two different opinions; I think that is really important. Also, I like walking away from a podcast learning something. I don’t want to just listen to people talk about the sky or talk about their favorite food. I want to walk away and be like, wow. I want to refer to it weeks and years later. On this podcast, I heard, and it changed my point of view. That is very, very important to me. Besides Bethany Frankel’s, what other podcasts are you currently listening to that we should check out? I never miss an episode of Ebony and Irony, Monét X Change and Lady Bunny’s podcast. That is a perfect example to me of a podcast that is so fun. Two girls having a kiki and cocktails, but at the same time, their age difference is so fierce to me. I really love that as well, and I learn something every, single episode. I always walk away with something different, which I feel is important. What has been the hardest part about putting yourself out there and being open with your trans identity and sexuality? I feel like it takes a special person to be really open and stay really honest with themselves. For me, it kind of comes naturally. I really do feel like I was meant to share my story. I feel like that is my purpose, but at the same time, it can be hard. Sometimes, you are not ready to do that. Every time I share
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something personal, I just mentally prepare, take a minute, make sure I am ready, and then I do it. At the same time, it’s like people are expecting that of you, which gets really hard. Like, OK, whoa, calm down. I shared a lot in the past, so give me a second when it comes to blank, blank, blank. What advice can you offer those who are struggling to accept their self-confidence and self-worth? I’ve said it once, and I will say it again: Everyone else is so much more concerned about themselves and how they come off—if people like them, what they are wearing, what they look like. So, whenever I have a down moment, I am like, ‘Just live your life.’ I wish I told myself that in high school and as I was growing up, because you lose sleep over it. You miss opportunities. It’s like, ‘Come hang out here,’ and you’re like, ‘Oh God, I am insecure there, or I’m not feeling as confident.’ Literally, snap out of it, and be like, ‘I am me, and I just need to go kill this.’ Just fake it, and then you will not miss out on things. I feel like I have missed out on too much, especially in my youth. I feel like it is really important just to get out there. Do you think social media has created this image of what an ideal person should look like? Definitely. Honestly, social media is insane. The stuff I see on there, especially with bodies nowadays, the insane proportions are becoming normalized. It’s sad because when you see these people out in real life, and I see a ton of people out at events and such, and that is not how they look. It is so damaging for people to see that, and I feel like everything kind of sways back and forth. The fashion and the trend pendulum. In five to 10 years, that is no longer going to be in. Other things are going to be in, and I feel like social media just kicks it to a whole new level. That is why I feel like it is very important for people to just get out there. Have some real people in your life. Do not surround yourself with just people who are online. That can be very dangerous. Some people see you as a queer sex symbol. Do you find this frustrating or empowering? Oh, I find it so empowering! I used to shy away from the term role model, sex symbol, and things like that, because I felt intimidated. Now, hearing that is so empowering because I know that I put in the work, and I know I can speak to it. I can really speak to things I have gone through, things I’ve seen, things that I’ve experienced, and I am proud to be a role model for people. As far as sex symbol goes, that one still makes me giggle a little bit inside. I do like being sexy. I think that there is so much empowerment behind that, and I love a good photoshoot. I love a good sex symbol moment. Yeah, it’s fun. It is very tongue-in-cheek. I do not take it too seriously, the sex symbol part, but I enjoy it.
You had your fourth coming out a couple months ago when you revealed that you are pansexual. Do you think pansexuality is often lost in the conversation? I do. I really do, and it was proven when I came out as pan. I know I saw a lot of comments being like, ‘Wow, I’ve never even really heard of what pan was, and maybe I’m pan.’ It made people look inward, and I did not really know that it was that because I do find myself kind of living in this Los Angeles, community bubble. I just assume everybody knows, but it turns out that a lot of people didn’t. So, I am glad that I did that, and I was loud and proud about it. I really feel the most woke that I have ever felt because not many people come out within a relationship. People usually come out, then they get in a relationship, traditionally, but with my husband, I was like, ‘This is how I am feeling, and I feel like I have really realized this about myself.’ He was nothing but supportive, and I just needed to come out for the final time. Do you think the younger generation is becoming comfortable without labels, and do you believe this is beneficial? I do, and I think it is extremely inspiring. I even have family members who do not identify, but they are so open and fluid. I think any kind of visibility within having a label or no label is inspiring. Whenever anyone can speak to not being heterosexual and cisgender, I think it is a big step, especially with younger people. I believe for the most part that social media has had a huge point in that because people see so many walks of life just through the click of their phone. You do not need to meet someone who does not label themselves as anything and is completely open to know someone who is like that. What more do you hope to accomplish with your platform? The sky’s the limit with me. I have a list of things I would like to do, and I have already done so much that I never thought I would be able to do. Every, single project every day is a blessing for me, and I really do cherish it. So, 2021 is looking really good. I am very excited about it, but I am never stopping. I am addicted to my job; I am addicted to my life, and I just want to spread the love wherever I go. What’s next for Gigi Gorgeous? Oh, God. World domination, going to the moon, setting up a trans camp there [laughs]. Honestly, I just want to continue to inspire. Every, single project I am on, I want to let everyone know that you can build an empire, you can be authentic, you can have no fucks to give, but still be a loving, caring person and inspire. I think that is what everyone needs to hear, and I feel like that is what everyone needs to try to do.
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OFM travel
HotVaxSummer GET OUT THERE! by Sarah White
Bears and bear lovers come to Provincetown to explore, bask, and celebrate nine days of bear pool parties, bear beach outings, bear cocktail nights, and nonstop bear dance parties. The hosts of this event pair with local, queer clubs and vendors to have a variety of entertainment and meals. Though this a party you will not want to miss, please feel free to get to your bear beauty sleep in too; this is a nine-day vacation after all!
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very summer has a story, and after a year of blank pages, we can finally write a great one. So, say goodbye to quarantine lockdown and your sweatpants hanging on by a thread. Let’s travel to Provincetown, MA, and have a rainbow-infested summer filled with warm adventure and fun birthday suit parties! Provincetown, MA, a small coastal town on the tip of Cape Cod, is known for the historical landing of the Mayflower in 1620, beautiful harbors, one-of-a-kind artists and art galleries, and its status as a vacation destination for the LGBTQ community. Provincetown, for almost over a century, has beckoned queer travelers and locals to embrace the bohemian culture that reciprocally embraces the queer culture. Year after year, new LGBTQ travelers, and those who are more seasoned, embark on their ultimate, queer celebration destination. Whether you are a woman loving women, or gentleman loving gentlemen, both, somewhere in between, or neither, Provincetown has set aside calendar dates just to celebrate you and all your identity glory! Grab your favorite mask; load up on your preferred snacks, and let us hit the road to P-town, MA, the gayest town in America according to the Census Bureau. By the time this article is published, we will have missed Provincetown Pride and Womxn of Color (sic) weekend. These action-packed celebrations take place in June, celebrating all things queer and the beautiful women of color who hold their important space both inside and outside the queer community. However, we still have much more to look forward to in this gayfriendly beach town. Beginning July 2-7, Provincetown hosts “Independence Week.” Independence Week is a seven-day, non-stop, action-fulfilled, and gay time celebrating America’s Independence. At the hub of the action is Crown and Anchor, the LGBTQ entertainment facility centered right in the middle of P-town’s queer venue. Drinking and dancing with the hottest queer crowd can be found at literally any time. Summertime may not know much about lion and tigers, but it does know and love bears, oh my! July 10-18 is Bears Week in P-town! Provincetown Bear Week is the world’s largest bear gathering. Tens-of-thousands of queer men travel to P-town year after year to celebrate Bear parties, events, and more.
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Ladies, P-town did not forget about you! July 21–24 is Girl Splash, a lesbian/bisexual/queer women extravaganza. Days filled with queer women comedians, artists, and performers are only the beginning for this ladies’ occasion. There are lesbian beach outings you will not want to miss, including a whale-watching boat tour hosting only queer women! If ocean adventures are not your scene, pool parties and cocktails are flowing all day and night. Queer women who are looking for it all, P-town has it for you this latter part of July. You do not want to skip this queer women celebration and liberation!
Last event this summer (don’t worry; there is more to come this fall and winter.) is Carnival Week August 15–21. This celebration of LGBTQ culture and life, themed “Somewhere Under the Rainbow,” is a guarantee of fabulous fun and creative ways to celebrate our community. The Carnival, a leading, outdoor, queer event, attracts more than 100,000 fellows from all walks of life in fête of cultivating, protecting, and honoring both diversity and queer business. We finally have a summer where we can safely observe and rejoice in our diversity outdoors and together. It is a summer worth celebrating now more than ever. Provincetown, MA, has festivities and celebrations for all walks of queer life. Provincetown’s edifying principle confirms that the townspeople not only accept people for who they are, but actually celebrate people because of it. Let us get excited this summer and safely treasure our community together.
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OFM art
being a femme, kinky person was wrong, that her spanking fetish and love for the erotic made her less than or immoral. Moving from China to Italy to study has opened her mind to the wide world of art, kink and queer expression and the fact that loving sex and creativity is a good thing. We were taken with her soft, elusive style, so we caught up with her to learn more about the secrets behind her art and technique. What first inspired you to be an artist and start drawing? I started to draw when I was very little, when I was around 4 or 5 years old. At that time, my dad sent me to a drawing course just to develop my interest. I fell immediately in love with art, and since then, I haven't stopped drawing. Drawing has slowly become an inseparable part of my being. It represents a way for me to lose my emotions. Nonetheless, what I do appreciate the most is when people are able to find their own feelings in my art. Thus, I think my art is cathartic for both my followers and myself. What specifically made you interested in erotic art and illustration? I have discovered my spanking kink since I was a child. Before July 2020 (the period in which I opened my Instagram page), I had a serious creativity block. Outside of commissions, I wasn't really drawing anything I was interested in drawing. To solve this issue, my boyfriend suggested me to start by portraying what I appreciated the most, and we have found out that was the erotic and the kinky world.
Soft, Feisty Femme The Erotic Art of Yiwen Jiang
by Addison Herron-Wheeler
If you’re a follower of erotic artists on social media, you’re probably no stranger to cute illustrations depicting bondage, BDSM, and sexy ladies in all kinds of situations. But rarely is that art pulled off with the nuance and careful consideration of artists like Yiwen Jiang. Her images are not only of women in hot, sexy poses, but also femme folks caught in vulnerable moments like laying on the bed bottom-up, sneaking snacks from the fridge, generally living life and being real and transparent as sexual beings. Hailing from China but studying in Italy, Jiang has a fresh, unique perspective on erotica. She spent years feeling that 3 6 OFM J U L Y 2 0 2 1
Thus, starting my Instagram project has helped me a lot to overcome my creativity issue, and at the same time, I have received an unexpected appreciation from my audience. I've never stopped since then, and I have discovered a very lovely and cheerful community. I'm so happy that I'm a part of this big family now . What inspires your drawings and work? My inspiration usually comes suddenly. It may be a scene from a movie or a certain passage of a novel. For example, if I watch a scene of an open window with the sunshine pouring in, I'll imagine a naked, beautiful woman laying down on her belly on a summer's day, applying her nail polish. If I can picture a scene clearly in my mind, I will draw down the sketch immediately. Sometimes, I also, like, find some inspiration from vintage, erotic photos. Most of them are pretty vivid and full of creativity. Why do you think erotic expression and sex positivity are so important? Personally, drawing erotic art has helped me to find selfacceptance. Unfortunately, many people are still far from having fully accepted any form of sexual behavior which is consensual, whenever we talk about the LGBTQ community or, in my case, people who have special kinks. Some societies are worse than others over this aspect. As I mentioned before, I have grown up in China, which is a country with an extreme, conservative attitude towards sexuality. Eventually, I started to think of myself as a disgusting
What are your plans or goals for the future with art?
OFM art
I hope this draft law won't meet any further hindrance, and it will lead to a maturation of the political and public mentality in Italy. At the moment, I'm still attending art school, so unfortunately, I can't keep creating erotic art as frequently as I want, but I do have many plans for the future! For now, I'm practicing tattooing and soon will start to take an apprenticeship; it's something I always dreamed of doing, too! So, in the future, I hope I can develop my own style in tattooing and combine with the erotic theme, and also, I would like to keep creating erotic illustration and expanding myself in this community Is there anything special you want to announce or promote? Yes, thank you for asking! I plan to launch a DTIYS challenge (a challenge where artists recreate already existing work) at 15k followers and do a print give away, and also, I'll release some new, fine-art prints in my store. Stay tuned! Is there anything else you'd like to add? I just wanna say, whatever is the social context you are living in, if you are convinced that nothing of what you enjoy and love is wrong or harmful to anyone, don't ever think of yourself as deviant. and "sick" person. About three years ago, I came to Italy, and soon I met my boyfriend, who became the first person I ever told my little secret to. Beyond my expectations, he accepted me completely and gave me huge support, kept telling me that I'm completely normal and I have nothing wrong. I can't thank him enough for that.
Go find your personal way to express who you are in your environment. There won't be door slams forever!
Also, now creating erotic art has helped me a lot to feel better about myself, and I want as many people like me as possible to see my works and understand, ‘I'm perfectly normal, and what I enjoy, it's beautiful and not loathsome, as some people around me might tell me.’ What is the LGBTQ scene like where you are, and what do you wish was different or would change? For what concerns the situation of the LGBTQ scene in Italy, right now, we are facing a hot debate on a draft law (DDL Zan) which is going to be voted soon. This law will be a simple update on another existing law which punishes racial, ethnic, and religious discriminations, especially if they fall into public hate speech and violence. The new law would include among these social categories the members of the LGBTQ community. I find it outrageous to see a debate taking place over such a basic, social measure. Right parties are adducing silly argumentations against the law, like, ‘It will limit free speech’ (while it doesn't, just violent speech will be affected); ‘It will start a process leading to further discriminations towards women’ (while I can't see any connection between already existing women discriminations and a future, LGBTQ social rights acceptance), or ‘They want to introduce our kids to the gender culture and try to convert them’ (which I don't even want to comment about). outfrontmagazine.com 37
OFM art
Loving You
MARYV’S DOCUMENTATION OF TRANSITIONING BODIES THROUGH PHOTOGRAPHY by Arianna Balderrama
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ntering the walls of Union Hall, you meet a room with walls painted black and projected images against them. Seats face the walls as images are projected simultaneously. One documents the transition of MaryV’s partner, Chella Man. The other showcases images of Kia Lopez, MaryV’s childhood friend. MaryV is a photographer, her work mainly highlighting personal moments. There’s a large focus on subjects such as intimacy and the beauty of bodies. She captures vulnerable moments for others with compassion. MaryV showcases images that feature both pain and virtue. Loving You features the transition of Chella Man. The audience gets to see the moments of Chella’s recovery from top surgery. Throughout images such as those, Loving You also displays moments of ease with glimpses of MaryV’s and Chella’s relationship. MaryV states: “As a photographer, I am constantly trying to find the balance of where and how I can share my images so that they are viewed with understanding. I want the viewer to see them with a sensitive gaze. This is the only gaze that is acceptable to me. My hope is that this gaze can then be taken from the gallery into the real world. I want this gaze to be present when seeing trans, nonbinary, and gender-nonconforming people. If you absorb anything from viewing my work, please consider the invitation and opportunity to participate in continued conversations about seeing people, especially those in the queer community, through a sensitive gaze.” Feelings of ebullience, sympathy, and pain all transpire across observing the journey of Chella Man. Violence against transgender and gender-nonconforming individuals has been an ongoing issue. The first few months of 2021 have been met with 27 murders of trans individuals, them explains. Many cases that can be classified as anti-trans murders often are misclassified. Due to the misgendering and deadnaming of victims, the number of anti-trans fatal incidents lacks a solid imprint due to misinformation, and could be much higher. Through Loving You, MaryV opens up such intimate moments to the world. She asks those who are viewing the exhibit to “come in with an open mind and heart, and hopefully absorb something they didn't think about before, or more love and respect to the community and themselves.”
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THE SECOND PROJECTION OF IMAGES FOCUSES ON KIA LOPEZ. When viewing Kia’s story through the photographs, one cannot help but feel empowered and like a badass. She works as a dominatrix and describes herself as a “diva ready to shut anything down.” Some of the photographs taken of Kia feature her getting ready to perform in Denver, while others showcase her working. What came up for you when seeing the photos in the Union Hall exhibition space? The biggest thing that came up for me was seeing my growth, and I worked my ass off to be who I am. I never gave up on myself. Being a trans woman, how can your experience influence or help others? I have been through a lot experically being a sex worker and being put in a box of what most trans people do, but I will always remember, this was made for me; this is who I am; this is my calling. I would not be truly happy if I was working a 9-to-5 not being true to myself. I am glad I have not let any judgments affect who I am and how I have lived my truth. What do you want someone who sees the work of you to experience? I want them to experience that all beauty is valid, and the walk of life is beautiful. How do you feel about your personal experiences being translated into photographs? It’s so natural to me, I would say; I feel I am doing something positive to show people that no matter who I am or what I have been through, I can still create beautiful art. Loving You gives a glimpse into moments only few will experience. It allows for the audience to sit back and simply watch the progression of the lives of both Chella and Kia. Within the stillness of sitting and observing, the wave of emotion causes ripples throughout the water. MaryV’s Loving You can be viewed now until the beginning of July. The art installation is free; one just needs to make a reservation. Keep in mind the sensitivity of the images, which include content such as nudity and mature depictions. Information and gifts from various, queer organizations are made availble at the exhibit, as well. “Knowing who you are as a person will make you shine brighter than anyone. Self-love is a hard thing, but once you master it, you will be at peace,” says Lopez.
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Photos by Bobby Quillard
OFM music
DAVID HERNANDEZ A Champion for Representation and Visibility in Music by Denny Patterson
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inger-songwriter David Hernandez first came on our radar when he competed on the seventh season of the singing competition series American Idol.
Performing was in his blood from the start, as he started singing at the precious age of 6. After making his stage debut in a production of Annie, Hernandez went on to star in musicals and perform with various theatre companies. At 15, he started writing original music and recording his arrangements. After appearing on American Idol, Hernandez was named among TV Guide’s “Sexiest Stars” and opened for John Legend at President Barack Obama’s Inauguration. In honor of this year’s Pride season, Hernandez released a new single called “ILY.” Its powerful message is one of inclusion and how it is vital that we love one another for who and what we are. Hernandez has always been passionate about normalizing the LGBTQ experience and instilling in everyone that love is love, regardless of race, gender, or sexual orientation.
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The accompanying music video stars Benji Schwimmer from So You Think You Can Dance, a former Mormon who is openly gay, as Hernandez’s embattled love interest, and trans actress Alexa Abraxas as a therapist helping the couple work through their relationship issues. Hernandez took some time to chat more about “ILY” with OFM, as well as the lack of representation and visibility in the music industry. Can you begin by telling us more about your latest single, “ILY,” and what inspired you to write it? “ILY (I Love You),” is an inclusive love letter to the LGBTQ community. I feel like there is not a whole lot of visibility in terms of queer relationships in the mainstream media, as well as therapy in queer relationships. I think therapy still very much has a stigma attached to it, and just to see that in the mainstream would be nice. To see the same things that heterosexual couples go through, because queer people are also human beings, and a lot of places do not consider that.
What are some of the top messages you hope listeners take away from your music? I hope they take away that therapy is normal, that queer relationships are legit and should be validated and treated as such, and that inclusivity is key. I think we can all use a little bit more grace and acceptance for one another. Within the gay community, because we gave been oppressed for so long, we have this default for being super bitchy or catty, tearing someone else down because it’s, like, the cool thing to do, or it’s trendy. I do not think we should be in those places all the time. It’s fun to be funny, but you also need to support your fellow, LGBTQ
community members. Alexa Abraxas is trans, and it was nice to normalize a professional, working trans woman in that space in this video. A lot of times, trans people are looked at as freaks or a fetish. Alexa was like, ’Thank you so much for putting me in a position where I can be taken seriously.’ I think that, for me, was very important, and I hope people take away that from the video as well. In addition to LGBTQ inclusivity, do you think the music industry is also lacking people of different backgrounds, different looks, body images, etc.? One hundred percent. It’s a shame because we want so much acceptance, but in a lot of spaces, we are still casting the blond-haired, blue-eyed guy with an eight pack. Where are the plus-size models in the queer community? My good friend, Dexter, he is a huge advocate for that. There needs to be more. He is few and far between, but there needs to be more Lizzos on the LGBTQ side that are blowing up the way mainstream media blows up heterosexual artists. I am super outspoken about that because I did not really see that growing up. When I was growing up, Ricky Martin and those people were still in the closet. I understand why, but I think it is very important for the little kid who is in Paducah, KY or some small, little city in the Midwest to be able to look at the screen and be like, ‘Oh my God, I don't have to be stuck in this space forever. There is somebody that's doing what I want to do.’ That is super important to me. Why do you think people create these images of what we should look like rather than loving who we are? Fear. I think we are afraid. I think people are afraid of what's different. They're afraid of sex; they're afraid of sexual exploration; they're afraid of self-love. Like, to love yourself is considered narcissistic, but why? If you work so hard on yourself, why not celebrate yourself ? I think it's created in these images and because we are all just terrified of something different.
OFM music
Initially, I wrote the song on my bedroom floor, and it was inspired by my partner. I pretty much sang the whole song in my voice notes; I had most of the lyrics completed, and then I sent it to my producer. I was like, ‘Can you make something happen with this song?’ What he sent me back was just incredible, in my opinion. Then I invited my good friend, Stewart Taylor, over for some red wine, which is my favorite thing to drink, and he was like, ‘I think we should kind of change this here or add that here.’ It just became this beautiful, collaborative thing that I am super proud of, and I always try to be intentional with the messages in my art. This was no exception.
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Photo by Maxwell Poth
OFM music
VINCINT
LusTySeXyCOol
V
incint is a burning, raging fire that is swiftly rising to the top of the entertainment mountain, and he is standing in his truth, his voice, and his sexiness. The LGBTQ-icon-in-the-making is preparing to drop his debut LP, There Will Be Tears, and I dare you not to be enamored with his natural penchant for pop; embraced by his warm and sultry vocals; and dazzled by his detailed, high-fashion delivery. Having been born in Philadelphia, the singer-songwriter got his first taste of music as a child by listening to his dad practice intricate harmonies in his living room with the five-piece singing troupe Christ United Gospel Singers. Once his mother introduced pop artists like Celine Dion to his developing palette, that changed his world forever. Now, the musician and dancer draws on influences from both Motown R&B and Top 40, 80s pop, and puts his own flourish on the stories we love to sing our hearts out over. Love, lust, passion, desire, and restoration, There Will Be Tears is an anthology of triumph, courage, and self-love. How was the making of your new album, There Will Be Tears? Oh, it was probably one of the craziest, wildest years of my life. I sat with my therapist, and she said to me, ‘Write down the
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by Veronica L. Holyfield
things that you want to confront.’ I bought a bunch of index cards and covered my room, and wrote down everything. Whether it was personal, based in a relationship, based in a friendship, things that I needed to talk about, to figure out how to be better for me because I was losing myself over the last few years, and I wanted to feel whole and joyful and good again. And so, I've had phone calls and really uncomfortable Zoom calls and really uncomfortable moments where he was like, ‘We're going to figure this out,’ because I want to be better, and I want to feel better about who I am. In doing that, I wrote the album. All of the stories that you hear on the album are from that time in my life where I sat down and made a conscious decision to fix the things in my life that I had control over. There are some awesome collaborations on There Will Be Tears. Can you talk about a moment that stood out to you while writing and recording these tracks? The collaboration with Tegan and Sara; I was in a car with my best friends, and I was like, ‘I would love Tegan and Sara on this song; dream.’ Not thinking that it would happen. I tweeted them, and Tegan responded to the tweet and said, ‘Great, send me the song.’ I sent the song over as a demo in the DMs, like fully shot my shot on Twitter, and then I captioned it, ‘Hey, if you hate it, don't say anything; you don’t have to comment; I’ll
You saw massive success with your debut EP, The Feeling; can you talk about how it feels to have people resonate with your music to this degree and what kind of opportunities that then allowed you? I feel like no one ever talks about The Feeling, so this is really nice. The fact that people even know my songs let alone that there are people doing covers of them is so mind-blowing to me. That was my first little baby I put out into the world, and it’s this overwhelming feeling of gratefulness. You want your voice to be heard, and most artists, I would think, do music for personal therapy and for their mental ‘state,’ and we want people to feel what we felt and hopefully understand that there's another side to that feeling. It's nice to know that there are people who care about it as much as I do. How does it feel to put things out there that are so personal? I mean, it's terrifying. Whenever any song comes out, I turn my phone off, and then the adrenaline going on, but I fully disappear. It is so nice to be able to–it's cathartic for me to be able to put it all down somewhere and listen to it as a whole body of work, but then I don't dive into it because I know once a therapy is done for me, I've done it. I've had my time with it. I've spent a year with it. Being an out, LGBTQ artist, was there ever a time where you felt that you weren't going to be so specific when it came to using pronouns or calling out what your sexuality is within the music? For me, no. I was lucky enough to have a mother and a father who didn't prioritize my sexuality as a ‘thing’ we needed to talk about. They knew who I was; we talked about boys, but it was normal. So, when I decided to put on my first song, and I was asked, ‘Who is it about?’ I would say, ‘Oh, it's about a boy.’ I don't want it to be a topic where it's taboo; that should be the normal conversation always, and I hope that's the narrative that's being put out through the songs that I put out. Love seems to be a major theme in your music. Why do you think you’re so drawn to the topic? I think it gets a bad rap, and people think of love as being this one, conditional thing where it's like, ‘I love you, and you love me, and we have to make it or break it.’ No. Love is really messy, and sometimes it's really sad; sometimes you're really angry; sometimes you're really turned on, and sometimes you're really not turned on. That's why I named The Feeling, The Feeling, because you can feel a multitude of emotions at the same time, and to think that you're designated to feel one certain thing all the time would be a disservice to your emotions. This is the Wet-Hot Summer issue; what makes you feel sexy and empowered? I don't think about myself in that way, but I find joy in myself, and I think I'm really great, and it took me a long time to get there. I like men who are in touch with their emotions, who aren't afraid to cry or unafraid to scream out when they need help. I think sexiness is very dependent on how you carry yourself, what you think of yourself, how you speak to yourself. I've been on dates with boys who talk down on themselves, and that's not sexy.
In being able to step into your sexiness, was that something that you have always been able to bring to the table? No, because I didn't always know that I could be sexy. I'm not big and built, and I'm not what sexy looks like in mainstream media. I had to really start to admire what I look and owning all of me. Everything that I thought no one would want, and the most important part was realizing that if no one wanted them, I did. And, damn, did I feel good after that. I was like, ‘Oh, you don't want that? What a waste, and what a loss for you’. I take confidence and solace in the fact that I feel desired because I desire me
OFM music
be fine.’ She was like, ‘No, we love it. We'll lay down our vocals tomorrow.’ They laid down their entire vocals and sent it back; it was something out of, like, a dream.
How would you say that love, lust, sex, and passion come out in your art and creativity? I think they're kind of all over it. If you listen to the song ‘Take Me There,’ the last song on the album, I wrote that song about the love of my life who I haven't met yet. One of my favorite lines is, ‘I love it when you take me there/ the way that you hold me/ the electricity in your tongue when you kiss me.’ It talks about someone enjoying you, all of you in, the middle of your sexual moment. What an overpowering feeling to be with someone and be like, ‘Oh, you find me hot, and that's nice, but, like, you love me, and that’s what makes me desirable to you.’ That is probably the sexiest thing. You can talk about sex without it being this aggressive thing, like, no, sex is beautiful; it's meant to be celebrated; it's meant to be cherished; it's meant to be messy. How do you channel your inner sex god who is fierce and fearless? I put on a good outfit, if I'm being honest, especially when I go on stage. I zone out before I go on stage, and I say to myself, ‘You're a bad bitch, and this is literally your moment; step into who you are.’ When I step on the stage, I can do anything. Literally the ground lights on fire when I hit the stage; that's what I envision, and for me, that gives me the feeling that I'm untouchable, and the sexiest thing in the world. The more I grow into myself as an artist, the more I'm growing myself as a human being. The onstage persona is coming out a lot more in my daily life, but I like that because he brings a lot of courage to my life on a daily basis. I stand taller and a little bit firmer planted in who I am, what I want, what I have to say. It does take courage to be able to stand on your own and to embrace your own power. I think it's only courageous because you're told not to do that. You're told just to stick with what you're told to be and who you're told to be and how you’re supposed to act, and it’s like, ‘Why?’ I'm not going to waste my life trying to figure out what makes others comfortable. Have you encountered resistance around who you are and who people tell you that you should be? Oh for sure; I went to Catholic school from kindergarten until 12th grade. It was a daily thing, but I realized they were uncomfortable because they didn’t know how to be themselves; that is not my issue. I can't help those who don't know how to be themselves or are too afraid to try. What I can do is be my full, authentic self, and as much as that makes them uncomfortable. outfrontma ga zine.com 43
OFM music
OFM NEW MUSIC This month’s must-catch new releases from the artists you already love and the musicians you need to know.
Tashaki Miyaki
Proud Father
The View of Earth From Mars
Vân Scott
Songs circle themes of love, lament, dissatisfaction, and haunting memories, and the sophomore release from the L.A.-based trio captures a soothing dissonance. The timbres are melodious and mellow, while the lyricism delivers a yearning for provocation and elation. Failed love and unquenched emotion are both feared and felt in Castaway. While never falling into despair, the dreamy pop band Tashaki Miyaki explores the complexities of relationships and ruminates in the trials of triumphs of all the in-betweens. Releases July 2, 2021.
What happens when you get a musician who’s day job consists of traveling to Mars as an astronaut for NASA? Proud Father (aka Brendan Chamberlain). The artist takes his first-hand experience of space exploration and weaves it into shoegazing, bedroom-pop sensibilities. What once was a lofty dream, the reality of life on another planet made Chamberlain turn his journey inward. The record swirls with guitars and synthesizers, bringing a simultaneous pent-up tension and an emotional drift. Releases July 16, 2021.
In his debut LP, Vân Scott, aka Scott Oatley, has gone from Hollywood session singer to indie pop star in his own right. Unafraid to search the dark corners of his mind, Scott scours his personal experiences for sonic inspiration. His alternative take on relationships, identity, and growing up draws on obscure sounds to feature his emotive-yet-gentle vocal stylings alongside upbeat melodies and bright, percussive elements. Calm yet invigorating, Almost Gone is a summer gem. Releases July 23, 2021.
Anika
Joel Culpepper
King Woman
Retro R&B, disco fever is being served with the debut album from Southeast London’s Joel Culpepper. The two-year-long writing process for Sgt. Culpepper was met with an impressive list of collaborators who all worked under the same ethos: unification. Influences from the U.K. jazz and grime scenes collide in Motown, as this album is strong in identity, unique in storytelling, and abundent in funk. The 70s meet the 20s as we eagerdly dive into the soulful sounds of unforgettable beats meet smooth, natural, effortless pop. Releases July 23, 2021.
The theatrical, doom-gloom outfit King Woman, led by frontwoman Kristina Esfandiari, channels the rebellion of the biblical archetypes in which she was raised in. With a penchant, punching purpose, Celestial Blues captures the emotional turmoil of letting go of the things that once used to haunt us. Heavy guitars, droning drum beats, and layered, emotive lyrical repititon drive home the everlasting allure of look back, letting go, and moving on. Hard rock has been reinvented. Releases July 30, 2021.
Castaway
Change
The Berlin-based artist captures the sense of global anxiety and brings an intimate examination of the frustration and guarded optimism we all gleaned in the last year. Change offers skittering, austere, electronic backdrops and plays against Anika’s nico-esque and contemplative vocals. Basking in all that is change, the singer-songwriter reflects both inwardly and outwardly, looking at things we can alter within ourselves and those things that are outside of our control. The nine-track album is laden with emotions, anxieties, empowerment, and curiosities. Releases July 23, 2021. 4 4 OFM J U L Y 2 0 2 1
Sgt. Culpepper
Almost Gone
Celestial Blues
HIGH NOTE VIAL
LOUDMOUTH
photo by Bryson Christopher
The genre-defying quartet VIAL is taking indie punk and injecting it with open-hearted, fun-loving pop. The Minneapolis-based band is bold, brooding, and focused. With a mission of mixing their volatile nature with vulnerable lyricism, the tracks in LOUDMOUTH will grab your attention and keep you wanting more. Indie rock, angsty punk, or Top 40 pop: take your pick in how you want to define VIAL, for the era of surfy, grungy anthems is upon us, and we’re here for it. The unapologetically outspoken band reflect on their experience in the music industry, where boundaries were crossed, and the young band was taken advantage of. No longer willing to trade self-respect for accolades, we get the 12 tracks of LOUDMOUTH, which embody the anger, outrage, and reclamation of their love of music. Releases July 30, 2021.
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o u t f r o n tm a g a z i n e. co m 45
OFM reads
Book Review
Ro Desire’s
Little Book of Quickies: Unfulfilled Desires
Ro Desire’s Little Book of Quickies: Unfulfilled Desires is changing the narrative on traditional erotica. The author takes you through the journey of exploring deep, sexual desire in her mini-collection of 57 erotic, micro-reads. These encounters, called Quickies, are everything but the traditional sexscapade. Each infatuation, bated breath, and forbidden thought is beautifully crafted through poetic quotes intertwined with short stories.
“You are my morning brew. The coffee that wakes me … the caffeine my brain craves.”
The author takes a different approach when it comes to traditional erotica and allows you to get inside the minds of the women highlighted in each piece. As queer women, the sexual narrative can often be mundane or simplistic to the public eye. Little Book of Quickies showcases the duality of sexual expression between women and the various ways we act on those desires. The language used in these stories provides the content of sexual fantasy, rather than just the description of the acts alone. The levels of intimacy vary from setting to setting and display the realities of queer sex—there is no one way to receive or give pleasure. There are a plethora of ways to give and receive pleasure, to seek intimacy, and navigate sexual exploration. Ro showcases allowing yourself to feel, say, and do what your body desires—but your mind often holds you back from. These micro-pieces allow the reader to imagine themselves in the positions of each character. Within her arousingly captivating work, the author wants women of all orientations to tap into their unfulfilled desires. She hopes these reads stir up emotion, familiarity, and ignite conversation for any woman who has ever desired another. Be sure to be on the lookout for the next book in this series, Little Book of Quickies: Hidden Desires, which will be released summer 2021.
“She was relieved to know that her every desire, regardless of how extreme, was an interest among many women alike.” - Ro Desire
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OFM style
The Fetishization of Body Modication by Keegan Williams
T
he first time I connected my own body modifications to sexualization and fetishization was when I was 13. I came out initially (and way too quickly for my taste, in retrospect) the month I was turning 14. I remember I specifically felt nervous around the announcement because I had also just recently softened up my parents into letting me get a tongue piercing at a local studio after my birthday. It was just a piercing I aesthetically liked. I already had a few piercings, and I had wanted this one for years. It was also the only piercing I kept from that time, nearly 14 years, until last year, when I split my tongue. I didn’t want to tell my parents that I liked boys because I knew how sexualized the conversations around tongue piercings can be, especially for people who identify the way I did at the time, as a gay male. I remember when I came out, I explicitly told my mom that a tongue piercing was an aesthetic preference and that it had nothing to do with my sexuality because it worried me so much. It’s a little jarring to think back to that time, that even as a child, I had the foresight to understand how my love for body modification, for my own body affirmation, was going to be sexualized by others, whether I liked it or not. I also would be lying if I said, as an adult, I didn’t embrace this as an inevitability to some extent, sometimes even taking ownership over, or reclaiming, being fetishized, knowing that it’s going to happen regardless. I am heavily tattooed and modified, and it’s generally one of the first things prospective dates or hookups call to my attention. Knowing this is bound to happen, of course it kind of feels objectifying when it’s clear people are hyper-focused on my tattooed body and not the person inside it. Sometimes I feel a sensitive part of myself whispering, “But what about me? Are you only interested in my aesthetic, my outer shell? I’m so much more interesting than my body.” Then I dissect a little more the nature of these interactions, heavily based in first impressions, appearances. Maybe I’m being fetishized to some degree, but maybe my exterior draws people in? Maybe I’m interesting, a refreshing deviation from the norm?
I really do try to own it, if it’s going to happen—to kind of roll with it on my terms. My tattoos, my piercings, my body—they are sexy. They make me feel sexy. We cannot control other people’s reactions to us; we can only control our responses, and I’ve basically accepted that there are plenty of people who accept body modification as part of the bigger picture of “me” and other people who see that as the sole part of me, or at least the only interesting part because it’s their sexual interest. I’ve had folks pop into my TikTok livestream, among my regular followers who are genuinely interested in my work, humor, personhood, solely to ask if I have piercings “down there.” I received a Grindr message a couple months back that was plainly, “How does your tongue feel on a dick lol.” I’ve known for a long time that my love of body modification was something that, especially among gay and queer men, would be sexualized. And, to be honest, I have a bit of a thing for modified people too, so while I am never as blunt as folks often are with me, I’ve mostly accepted it as part of my experience as a heavily modified, queer person. It also taught me how to better approach people and not objectify them based on an element of their appearance I find arousing. I have my own preferences and fetishes, but, given my experience, I treat the physical attributes I might be drawn to in a person as an element of them, rather than reducing their entire existence to something I find sexy. I also recognize that many people, specifically women and femmes, experience this type of thing all the time, just for existing in their bodies and gender, and as a person who is often male-assumed, I have the privilege of experiencing this objectification in relation to my modifications exclusively, not just my existence in general. These decisions are personal, but regardless, they are on my body and inherently public. And I already know from experience, the folks worth keeping around are the ones who inherently want to dig deeper to learn about the person inside this skin. o u t f r o n t m a g a z i n e. co m 47
OFM style
Beauty Beat
is perfect, especially for these hot and sticky days ahead. Try the gentle body bat from Beekman 1882; the goat milk and natural cholesterol from the goats’ milk will keep the area nice and soft, offering a maximum clean and still gentle enough for the twins and their leader. Washing is fine and dandy, but what about overall maintenance? If you are like many Americans today, you may have a big, beautiful body! Being big and beautiful means there is just so much more to love and to show off. However, you might have a problem with your thighs or parts of your body rubbing together and chaffing. Hell, even if you’re skinny, when you run, sometimes your nipples tend to chafe from the friction of your top. I’m here to tell you to stop using your deodorant as an anti-chafing layer; instead, use your favorite lip balm pot to create an occlusive layer on the affected area. This will not only protect you all day but provide moisture for a better, smoother you. Lastly, how are your kegels coming along? Yes, I am speaking to everyone here. Kegels, also known as pelvic floor exercises are not only remarkable for vulvas but penises and testicles as well. If you are having a hard time figuring out how to do a kegel without a vulva, don’t worry; I will tell you. Think of the muscle you use to pee; it’s just flexing that muscle a few times a day for life, and your erectile function will improve! It may seem silly now, but your future self will be grateful for the silly little exercise. Use these tips to make your summer more fun and more comfortable; you deserve to be healthy and sexy! And with our help, you’ll be able to keep your “under there” away from despair.
Take Care of
DownThere by Angel Rivera
OK, we spend plenty of time obsessing over how we look, how our skin feels, and, most importantly, how to take care of it and ourselves. Specifically, we prioritize our facial skin and anything exposed to the elements or seen by the public. However, have you ever thought about the care you take of your genitalia? Are taking care of the most sensitive area on our whole body? Gender aside, we all have one thing in common, and that’s our glans or, more cautiously, our naughty bits. How well are we taking care of them? Well I’m here to shine a light on some great ways to keep your bits fresh and ready for anything–and I mean anything. First and foremost, cleaning the area to keep it in tip-top shape is a given. I don’t just mean with a quick rinse of water or a splash of your normal body wash; your “down there” needs some special soap. For people with a penis and testicles, a phbalancing wash will help clear up any smell and irritation you may have. One great cleanser from LoveWellness is created without parabens, sulfates or phthalate, is cruelty-free, and will leave you clean and confident with the ingredients that you are using. A bar soap formulated for gentle skin cleansing 4 8 OFM JULY 2 0 2 1
of the dresses. Not only does it give you a chance to purchase a designer’s work at an affordable price, but it’s a moment in time that will encapsulate life during and after the pandemic.
Summer Style by Angel Rivera
Even now, you may be thinking of ways to get heads turning while out and about. Well, you’re in luck: being in your favorite swimsuit outside is socially acceptable. Whether you re in a bikini or trunks, your body needs to be kissed by the sun!
OFM style
Get the look
However, if you plan to spend the summer shirtless and skirt-less, may I stress to you the importance of using UV protection! I know, I know, I am not here to harp on you like your mother. Though, I will say that using software during the summer is perfect for keeping your skin golden and your health excellent right now. Designer Tory Burch teamed up with Japanese brand Shiseido to release no-cast sunscreens and designer clutches to be enjoyed on or off the beach. This limited-time collaboration is only available through the summer at Ulta beauty or at Tory Burch stores or Macy’s. This collection’s cute and playful, floral patterns are sure to keep a pep in your step. One final thought before we go: I would like to remind you that, no matter what you are wearing, your body shape and size, you deserve to enjoy the summer as much as anyone else does. Whether you’re skinny or fat, hairy or smooth, let the sun be your guide this summer, and let loose. Only you can decide when you have had enough. You are so precious, and people want to see you enjoy yourself. Be bold; be brave; be proud, and be you.
A
s summer arrives, we all have the urge to show some skin and some of our more fashionable outfits. I mean, it is the season of soaking up the sun, pool parties, and all the above. Summer is the perfect time to experiment with what you are wearing, not to mention, it’s also a great time to discover what you love about your body and what makes you feel good. Speaking of what you want to do this summer, it’s time to have a bit of fun with your wardrobe, in and out of the pool. Be you at a summer gala or trying something new for the office, it’s a good idea to add some personal touches to your suit or your going-out wear. If you are part of the leather community, you may already know what I am talking about. I am speaking of adding harnesses to your outfits; either under overcoats or just as the finishing touch to a button-up shirt to give yourself some flare and debonair. You can also use a waist harness to create a “bodycon” look for an extra-sultry outfit. Or, if you are looking for a more avant-garde sort of look, Target recently partnered with up-and-coming names in the fashion industry to release a spring/summer collection before they become the new industry standard. With names like Rixo, Alexis, and Christopher John Rodgers (whom I recently wrote about as a young, Black designer to keep an eye on). They have all placed love and care into the new dress collection that is size-inclusive as well as diverse in the silhouette and structures
It is time to reexamine what’s important to you. At Klarisana, our focus is on your mental health. We help people rebuild their lives and their perspective through Ketamine treatment therapy. Scan or visit klarisana.com to find out how you might benefit from Ketamine therapy. Or call our clinic at 720.776.0500
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OFM cannabis
Summer Budding It’s hot; it’s sweaty; it’s sticky, and it’s the perfect time to indulge in an infused cannabis beverage or hit a vape while you’re on the go. We broke down some of the summer’s hottest products to keep you cool—or at least heavily medicated.
SPHEREX DABLICATOR
DAD GRASS
Whether you want to dose out your dabs with laserfocused precision or infuse your cooking, the Spherex dablicator gives you just the right amount of the strainspecific product you crave. We can’t get enough of their awesome options, and we’re dabbing all day!
Father’s Day may be over, but it’s never too late to celebrate the daddy in your life, no matter what that looks like. Dad Grass is CBD flower legal in all states, so you can send it to the dads or daddies in your life, and if they’re lightweights, they can smoke without catching a buzz.
VESSEL BATTERIES
EBB PURE
If you’re sick of throwing out free dispensary batteries that lose their charge easily, and then die completely, you need to invest in Vessel. These batteries last long, work well, and are sleek and sexy. Pick your favorite color and style, and don’t leave the house without it!
A great option for infusing your water, or adding THC goodness to food or drink without changing the flavor, Ebb Pure is a great companion for your summer. Pop it in your water and take it on a hike, or use it to spice up your favorite summer cool-down drink.
OCB ROLLING PAPERS
CANNAFLOWER
OCB has everything when it comes to rolling papers, and we do mean everything. They’ve got cones, filters, all kinds of natural fibers, different lengths— basically anything you could be looking for, along with some really cool branding and a love for the environment. What more could we ask for?
If you’re looking for legal, hemp-based flower, look no further. Available in eighths or pre-rolls, pick your strain and indulge in some relaxing, fragrant cannabis without the added high that some can’t handle.
RIPPLE
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Classic Lemonade Quicksticks
Pure Quicksticks
Nothing says summer like a nice, cool glass of lemonade, but what if that lemonade was infused? Even better, right? Brighten up your day with a glass, or use it to infuse a mixer or spice up some summer punch. QuickSticks already had the beverage game on lock, and this seals it!
If you’re a Ripple fan, but you’ve always wished they had an unflavored option to mix into water, you got your wish. Hydration is super important, and now, you can medicate at the same time as you drink water. No calories or sugar, just cannabis-infused water!
OFM cannabis
Boozy Beverages If you’re looking for a little booze to spice up your wet, hot, and steamy summer, look no further. Here are some of our favorite picks!
VINEBOX Grab Vine Box’s Pride Box for the wine enthusiast in your life—or for yourself, if you’re looking to dabble and try all kinds of wine—from Italian and French delicacies, to Spanish wine and tasty treats of both the white and red variety. Yum, we can’t get enough!
COPPER DOG When it comes to whiskey, a chaser is often needed. With Copper Dog, it shockingly can be enjoyed straight because of its smooth taste. Some whiskeys can be a bit intense, but Copper Dog is a combination of eight single malts and has a soft hint of honey and spice. They also offer a delicious drink creation called Apple Dog that helps promote the notes you can taste. Apple juice happens to be the best sidekick you could ask for and is a part of their Apple Dog. Copper Dog has certainly become a favorite worth going back for; you won’t regret it!
Liquor-Free Libations We can’t—and don’t—all drink liquor, but we do all deserve tasty beverages and self-care this summer. If you’re worried your wet-hot summer will turn into a wet-hot bummer with no booze, fear not! It’s all about the presentation and community of tasty beverages, and you can get that without alcohol. We even have sugar-free options for folks trying to avoid our other favorite illicit substance.
CARRYON SPARKLING CBD Just because you’re sober doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy kicking back and making cocktails all summer. With CarryOn, you can blend your CBD drinks to perfection with other ingredients such as fruits, syrups, and even a fresh sprig of mint. What could be better? Plus, the drinks pack just the right punch of calm and relaxation without anything that could get you intoxicated or high.
ZEVIA ROOT BEER If you need to watch your sugar intake, Zevia is here to inform you that root beer floats are still on the menu this summer! These tasty, timeless treats will bring you back to the good old days when you could consume sugar to your heart’s content—without any added sugar! Mix their Creamy Root Beer with low- or no-sugar ice cream for an amazing summer beverage. outfrontmagazine.com 51
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WHERE YOU BELONG
OFM astrology
QUEER INTIMACY and
ASTROLOGY
When you know someone’s sign, it means that they either told you themselves, or that someone loved you both enough to whisper this secret and mystical information to you because, see, rarely do people remember detailed placements of another person unless they care enough about them to know their favorite breakfast. Queer intimacy is mediated through astrology, but it is not enforced by astrology. Rarely do I find a queer person trying to use astrology to tell me who they expect me to be. Instead, I see people using astrology to talk about what they are comfortable with and not comfortable with—to talk about mystical yearnings. “Quiet, enby Gemini seeks to bathe you in longform poetry while we luxuriate in papaya.” “Plant dad Virgo wants to explore the subtleties of touch on your sweaty skin over these long, summer days.” “Hi! I’m a shy Leo who wants to be gazed at. Directly. Lovingly.” Sex isn’t always easy for me, as I suspect it isn’t for many people. Sex is very hard to define. What is it, anyway? What sorts of actions count as sex? A lot of the time, it involves taking off your clothes, which is something that I am very uncomfortable with. I get overstimulated during sex, and I am often too embarrassed to ask for a break. Embarrassment and sex go together for me. I am embarrassed asking for what I want, and I often do not know what I want. I prefer structured and negotiated play outside of sex, and I am still figuring out how to do that during sex.
by Alice Yang
O
ne of the best things about how queer people use astrology is that we don’t use it to divine, to prophesize, or to preach from above high—we use it to flirt, to tease, and to play amongst our dirty, little selves. We don’t use it to talk about the shifting of world powers or about when the next big event will be. We use astrology to talk about how our Cancer placements ensure that we will always have some kind of brat energy in certain scenarios, that Pisces season somehow brings out the powerful slut in all of us, and about how it’s the earth signs who enjoy long and patient hours with a lover. By doing this, in the words of Adorno, we bring those pesky, little stars right back down to earth where we live our lives. Queer people don’t look to astrology for answers; we use it as a language. Languages exist so that they change. We use astrology as a thing that opens conversations about consent, permission, and acceptance. When you know the sun, moon, or rising sign of someone, it becomes a shorthand for knowing them beyond whatever institution or workplace or event you last met them through. When you know someone’s sign, it means that you have really engaged with this person, and that you’ve had a conversation with them that doesn’t center around whatever it is you are both supposed to be doing. It means that you enjoyed each other at some point, if only for a brief cigarette break.
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And astrology, somehow, has helped me communicate this with my partner. I am a Pisces Mars, and they are a Cancer Mars—somehow, it doesn’t feel so strange to say that I do not need my play to be embodied, that I prefer sharing fantasy with someone even if we sit next to each other with all of our clothes on, as a Pisces Mars. It becomes less about whether my needs are pathological or logical and more about what it is I need in order to feel safe enough to feel pleasure. It’s somehow easier to ask my partner what they want when I ask “What does Cancer Mars like?” instead of phrasing the question in a way that would catch us both off guard. For the shy, astrology helps us name the nuances of our desires without having to speak directly from the “I.” And, so, we play. We play by imagining ourselves as cows, as moons, and we play with fictional characters that flatten or become multifaceted at will. We play with Yoongi from BTS and imagine him as a cat, a bride, and as an easily duplicated clone. We roleplay and break to giggle. We start scenes over spontaneously, and we plan them as if they are long, multichaptered novellas. Sometimes, we imagine ourselves from a bird’s eye view. Sometimes, we close our eyes, and other times, we look at each other. Can you tell that I am deeply in love yet? I like to think of the kind of imagination play we do as deep water sign play. Things distort and extend when placed in water. Roleplay is deep water play because your idea of who you can be blurs and shifts from moment to moment. And astrology play isn’t just about sex—it’s playing house with a best friend, cracking jokes that only another Pisces placement can get; it’s done walking down the street under a full moon; it’s my friend teasing me for being a totally different type of Aries than they are.
In the past, I have dated a Gemini Mars and a Leo Mars. I dated a straight guy with Cancer Mars when I was very young (there are a lot of Cancer Mars people in my life because I was born in 1992, close to the time Mars retrograded while in Cancer and spent close to a third of a year in that sign). We didn’t have fun together, and I think he was a little afraid of me. We never talked about astrology together because he didn’t see the appeal. When I looked up his placements, it felt gross because he wasn’t there to define his experience of his placements with me. It felt like spying. Astrology changes when it is used in collaboration with someone who is equally enthusiastic. It becomes a way for you to know someone deeper and a way to invite someone to ask about you in a way that you have never been asked. Astrology is a little like intimacy—it’s something that deadens when you use it in fear and something that envelopes you when you grow it through negotiation. There’s something risky about engaging with astrology as queer intimacy as well. There is something too comfortable about sitting in the dead of the night and Googling someone’s placements while wondering if they could ever love you. This type of astrology is like the quiet divination of peeling petals from a daisy. Daisy peeling never arrives at an answer but only carries you through anxiety. Astrology as queer intimacy is different because it’s purpose it not to make the future knowable but to commit yourself to the present. It forces you to think about what you like and don’t like and, to the best of your ability, to speak that. To be very honest, astrology is also an industry. A lot of this industry—the compatibility reports, the love horoscopes, and aspect theory—is about daisy peeling. And daisy peeling, again, is about anxiety. The reason why astrology as queer intimacy has less content surrounding it isn’t due to lack of practice—astrology is practiced as queer intimacy every day, all around the world—but it often happens not in solitude but with community and not online or in corporate space but in real time. There isn’t anything about queer culture that innately resists commodification. There also isn’t anything about astrology that resists commodification. I’m sure that there are thousands of compatibility reports and products about twin flames that can easily be adapted to queer folks. However, queer intimacy is not just about sexuality or friendship or family. These things don’t exist neatly arranged, resisting one another. Queer intimacy is just as much about lack of sexuality, loneliness, yearning, and that desperate moment of realizing the need to clarify some relationships that have existed boundary-less for too long. Queer intimacy exists in such as way that the anxieties that we have about alienation, capitalism, and the future cannot be soothed by the promise of one relationship model triumphing over all the others. And, thus, astrology within queerness exists not to promise marriage or to threaten but to do the work of asking you, “Who are you really, and just what the hell do you want at this very moment?” outfrontmagazine.com 55
OFM thoughts
American Queer Life
The Queer’s Gambit
Byron White wrote in the majority opinion: “…to claim that a right to engage in such conduct [sodomy] is deeply rooted in this nation’s history and tradition or implicit in the concept of ordered liberty is, at best, facetious.” Amusement aside, Chief Justice Warren E. Burger concluded: “… to hold that the act of homosexual sodomy is somehow protected as a fundamental right would be to cast aside millennia of moral teaching.” He then lumped homosexual conduct with adultery, incest, and other sexual crimes. The millennia of moral teaching were finally cast aside in Lawrence v. Texas when the Supreme Court struck down a Texas anti-sodomy law. Finally, male homo-sex was legal. That was in 2003—2003!
Queers have lived in every ancient civilization from Africa, Asia, and Arabia to the Indigenous peoples of the Americas. Sappho and Plato, Greek writers of homo-expression and philosophy in the B.C. era, were intrinsic to Western civilization. Queer relationships and behaviors worldwide were both accepted and practiced with joy and fulfillment, You’ve got your mother in a also rejected and illegal with severe punishments. Like LGBTQ whirl cause she’s Not sure if you’re a boy or a girl life today: Same-gender marriage is legal in many countries, yet in May, the Iranian Lesbian and Transgender Network “Rebel Rebel” – David Bowie (1974) “6Rang” reported that 20-year-old Fazeli Monfared had been killed by family members in an “honor killing.” The gay youth had been beheaded, his body dumped under a tree for his loved The Queen’s Gambit (who knew chess could be so mother to find. sexy?) and its switch-a-letter, double-entendre. Which got Hard to know what to say after that … but I’ll try. me to thinking, admittedly weirdly, while a gambit is an And I’ll try to keep my revulsion in check when I declare opening chess move, it’s also a maneuver to gain advantage or there are Civil War sword wielding forces in the U.S. who a remark to open a conversation. So then coming out—wait would gleefully embrace Iran’s Islamic laws regarding for it—is the queer’s gambit. (Work with me here.) We seek to queers. January 6 proved that. Because to many right-wing gain the advantage of living truthfully by having conversations, conservatives, religious fanatics, and fake patriots, our very first with ourselves and then with whom we choose. But an existence challenges their delusional beliefs. T o them, we are unexpected result attaches to us: We become associated with liberal perverts trafficking in sex with children. And then, we the sexual politics of this nation. Whether we want to be or not, eat them. This from mad men and women wearing Cabela’s whether we know it or not, we are rebels. I like it. camo and ripe for a Queer Eye makeover? Only traitors believe
by Rick Kitzman
I
Because when queers come out—damn straight (!)—we rebel. We say: “This is me. I deny your self-proclaimed authority to tell me what I can do with my body and with consenting adults. I will not obey your laws that seek to dictate my choices, and I do not accept your standards of ‘normal’ behavior or dress or belief. This is none of your business. So buzz off !” That’s a rebel, baby.
this. They, and the ones who egg them on, disgrace and betray our country.
Rebels created the U.S. of A., as we celebrate our 245th Independence Day, I celebrate my 49th. Coming out is our personal declaration of independence, our personal pursuit of happiness. Coming out is a political declaration of defiance against people or institutions that would proscribe our uniqueness.
But after I’d been out for a decade, society’s relentless persecution and disapproval angered and frustrated me. I was no longer willing to roll over. I became proud of my “deviance.” Because if being “normal” in America meant behaving with hatred and judgment, then “deviant” behavior was at least kinder, more honest, and frankly, far more fun. After growing up a nice boy, good student, reverent Lutheran, always chipper and never trouble, I loved becoming a rebel, and am now loving becoming a cranky, queer curmudgeon who suffers fools less and less every day. I like it.
This country was founded on the principles of ancient Judaic law and Christianity that were codified into our Constitution. Two verses from one chapter, Leviticus, dictated that queer love was immoral and deserving of death, sealing queer fate for millennia. By the mid-20th century, the so-called sodomy laws wove the illegality of LGBTQ behaviors and relationships into the fabric of everyday, American life. Unraveling their knots became crucial to regain our rights to live, work, and love which had been effectively negated.
Deep breath … In the 70s when I came out, committing “an act of sexual and political rebellion” never crossed my mind. Hell, no! I wanted to go to a gay club and dance to The O’Jays and Three Degrees, Marvin Gaye and Gladys Knight. (Mostly, I just wanted to get laid.)
So yeah, LGBTQ people are rebels. We are participants, active or passive, in the sexual politics of America. We have a responsibility in the present to be involved in our communities, to speak up in our relationships, to call a hypocrite a hypocrite, to vote. As previous generations made our paths easier, let us Violations of privacy, the laws were confirmed as recently as ease the paths for future generations. A queer’s gambit doesn’t 1986 in the Supreme Court case of Bowers v. Hardwick. Justice end after coming out. 5 6 OFM J U L Y 2 0 2 1
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OFM thoughts
A Queer in Recovery
SOBER
Sexy and
Hi, my name is ________ and I’m an alcoholic. There isn’t much in the identity of an alcoholic in recovery that makes one think of sexy things. In fact, I spent the first month of sobriety in an inpatient rehab center going through physical withdrawals that included panic attacks, flop sweat, and uncontrollable sobbing fits as every sober breath hit me with the reality of my life. I couldn’t imagine living a life without alcohol, and the idea of sober sex was terrifying. In addition to being an alcoholic, I have also mentioned in previous “A Queer in Recovery” pieces that I am both a sexual assault survivor and a person who struggles with an eating disorder. I think these three pieces of my identity all swirl together when we talk about lust, love, sex, and sexuality. Oftentimes, it was easier to let loose and let go of the horrific memories of assault, as well as the hangups I have about my body, when I’ve had a sufficient amount of alcohol. However, as a person in recovery, I must face these things with a sober mind. 5 8 OFM J U L Y 2 0 2 1
When I think back over the years of sexual encounters I’ve had, I can count on two fingers the number of queer partners I have slept with while I was sober. I specify queer partners because prior to coming out in 2012, I wasn’t overly sexual. Before I understood who I was, and who I was attracted to, I preferred to avoid sex altogether. So, you’d think that coming out, and coming into my own sexuality, would make it easier to physically connect with another person. Alas, this was not the case Alcohol is known as a social lubricant, something that many use as a way of being comfortable around strangers or letting loose and having fun. For me, as an alcoholic, it was a way of getting out of my head and into my body. I didn’t shy away from touch when I was drunk, as I did when I was sober. I didn’t allow my discomfort inside my body to lead me; I had nothing to hold back and nothing to lose when I was drunk. In the last year of my active alcoholism, I would have considered myself a “functioning alcoholic.” I was able to hold down two jobs; I had a decent relationship with my family; I had close friends, and I had a partner. No one in my life told me they worried about my drinking, and it proved to me that I was still active and present in my own life. However, I knew better. I was sneaking alcohol, both at home and at work, and I was to the point where I drank all day, everyday, as a way of hiding the withdrawal tremors and keeping away the anxiety attacks of coming down. It wasn’t until I got sober, and about three months of active recovery under my belt, did I fully realize how much alcohol was truly saving me from feeling the unbearable feelings of intimacy and physical connection. The first six months of sober sex were met with dissociative episodes, as my mind would flood with the memories of my assault. I also became acutely aware of every ounce of fat on my body as I tried to relax beneath my partner’s touch. The rolls on my stomach, the ways my thighs touched, the jiggle of my upper arm; my body felt foreign as I watched it move and quake as I climaxed. I feared that I would forever be plagued by these observations, memories, triggers, and episodes. I was fortunate, though, in so many ways. My partner was kind and gentle; they were patient with me while I processed the events of my trauma in therapy. My psychiatric team was helpful as I discussed my fears with medication, eventually bringing me closer to a headspace of balance and softness. My family, friends, colleagues, and community provided me the strength and confidence to heal, feel empowered in my accomplishments, and in my connection to myself. While I still struggle to feel sexy, it is a work in progress, and something that I get closer to the more proud of myself I become. The urge to drink has not entirely dissipated, and the struggles to overcome trauma and body dysphoria have not disappeared. However, the longer I am sober, the more capable I feel to face these things and the more I am able to align my values with my actions. I am no longer ashamed of the fact that I used to drink in secret because that was the only coping skill I had, and I was doing my best with the tools I had at the time. Today, I trust the process a bit more everyday, and I no longer have to hide in my disease, and that makes me feel sexy AF. -An anonymous queer in recovery Email a.queer.in.recovery@gmail.com for additional support and resources.
Black, Queer Joy
OFM thoughts
Resilient, Rejenvenuted and Rested by Brianna Janae
For the first time in my life, I feel whole as a Black, queer woman. I no longer feel the need to conform or twist myself into what I think being queer “looks or feels like.” A lot of this is due to the fact that I learned what being queer means to me. In a society where I have always been considered a bit strange or unusual even outside of my sexuality, embracing my queerness along with my Blackness has allowed me to bloom. It is not one or the other because my queer, femme identity and my Blackness are deeply rooted. Being in Denver for almost 10 months now, my perspective of being in my newfound home in regards to my sexuality has evolved. There is a Black, queer presence in Ohio, however, the representation of the variety of queer identity is not as common. In my experience, the traditional masculine and feminine roles can often overshadow visibility back home. Moving from one city to another, there is always the caution of “not being able to be visibly queer.” But coming from Cleveland, OH to Denver has made me feel more seen as a femme and a QWOC. I am able to be as femme and as masculine as my personality can reach. I see queer folks of all kinds, more variety in non-traditional relationship dynamics, and a general openness that the East Coast can lack. One thing I have noticed, though, is how small the Black community is, and how the Black, queer community is even smaller. But in my time in Denver, I have been able to connect with some captivating, queer, Black folks in the community. Our community. The conversations between me and those who understand my Black, queer identity are moments I cherish. It reinforces the freedom I feel by authentically living in my truth and seeing others do the same. The concept of living in your truth as a Black individual is often viewed as an act of resilience. The duality of being openly queer and visibly Black can be a target for those who aim to harm our communities. The act of being a leader in these spaces is another feat of it’s own. Often when you’re in communities that see you as “strong” and “powerful,” taking a moment to breathe doesn’t seem necessary. We are often seen as the ones who can make it happen. Tara Jae, executive director at YouthSeen and also one of the amazing individuals who co-founded Denver’s first Black Pride, spoke about the need for more queer, Black joy. More Black, trans joy; more nonbinary joy. In my journey to find my own joy, one path I cannot escape is rest. In my opinion, the key to Black joy is rest and rejuvenation. Oftentimes when we are described, we are defined by what we can do or what we have done–not who we are. There
is something about the unspoken language of community leaders and the ambition that drives them. There is the need to create change; there is the need for leadership, but also, there is the need for rest, the need for joy, the need for rejuvenation. We are not defined by our positions of power, the certificates we hold, or the wealth we have attained. We are not our roles, our titles, our accolades. We can take off our superhero capes and slip into silk robes of luxury. This is a part of activism and community work that often gets lost. Who heals the healers? Last month, OFM’s Brian Byrdsong spoke with some of our Black, queer, leaders. I followed up with Keo Frazier, another Black, queer femme about her inner-joy and how she defines rest and leadership. For Frazier, her rest is active. She describes herself as “a visionary who makes an impact that ripples.” She is the creator of New Thinkers, founded the $100 Giving-Club, and has done a variety of work for the Denver community. One hidden talent the community might not know is that she has been inventing since she was 4 years old. With dreams that run as far back as Pre-K, Frazier understands the perception of being an innovator. “When you’re an innovator, it gets lost on people until it makes sense.” As a creative, writer and activist myself, I know this familiar feeling all too well. Oftentimes, the work to ignite change can be exhausting, as it is a marathon, not a sprint. When it comes to the idea of resting, this is often self-defined by what our bodies need. Sometimes you rest your body, and other times, you rest the soul. Frazier emphasizes the difference between resting your body versus resting your soul. The act of resting the soul, for her, involves pieces of self-care such as going to the gym, playing chess, adding new additions to her art and book collections, and traveling as often as she can. Resting the body is still work in progress for most of us, including myself. And she is no different. We spoke about the idea that often women are “too busy for rest.” As two individuals who focus a lot on healing and growth–there are times that you just want to breathe. Frazier describes this perfectly when she says, “I admire those people who can do nothing. I would like to be able to do nothing, even if just for a couple hours. I don’t want to grow all of the time. I just want to BE.” A sentiment myself and many other Black, queer individuals can relate to. The desire to rest, rejuvenate and just BE should be a luxury all queer folks feel. We are not a monolith, and our stories are all very different, but one thing we all need more of is rest and rejuvenation. One cannot pour from an empty cup. We can be resilient and rested.
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OFM lust
THE WIFE and
Her Pastor by Amanda E.K.
P
astor Rick and his wife Anita stand at the front of the conference room, smiling behind their microphones like Donny and Marie. They’re the self-appointed leaders of the annual Biblical Marriage Conference, and they’re just wrapping up their opening address in front of more than 100 Christian married couples. Miranda and Bryan—partners in a polyamorous arrangement—are the only people there who aren’t married, though they’re pretending to be. Neither of them is Christian, though they both grew up in the Church. For them, this conference is fantasy fulfillment for their religious-themed kink play. Bryan is playing the role of submissive pastor, and Miranda the pastor’s dominant wife. (For those of you who grew up in the Church, you can understand the appeal.) Pastor Rick flexes an age-spotted, yet fit-looking, arm, illustrating what it means to build better marriages Jesusstyle. “At this conference,” he says, “we’ll help you identify the root cause of your marital issues. Once the root is exposed, you’ll start to grow in ways you didn’t think possible.” “We’ll help the men become strong leaders, and we’ll help the women embrace the importance of supporting their husbands as leaders,” adds Anita—her blonde bouffant hairdo bobbing with every syllable. Miranda shifts in her seat so that her knee-length skirt inches up her legs, drawing Bryan’s attention to the lace of her white thigh-high stockings. She writes something on the biblical marriage worksheet in front of her and slides it under Bryan’s eyes. It reads: “Do you promise to expose the root and help it grow?” Bryan traces his tongue along his parted lips as he reads Miranda’s message. He writes beneath it: “I do.” “Good boy,” whispers Miranda. A 50-something man at their table looks at them as though he knows exactly what they’re up to. Miranda imagines that he keeps pornographic photos tucked in the pages of his Bible, and that he’s at the conference to put an end to his addiction. Later that afternoon, Bryan and Miranda attend a break-out session called “Reigniting the Marital Fire.” A small projector screen at the head of the room glows with the Bible verse from Ephesians 5:22-24: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ
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Bryan looks at the floor like a scolded puppy. “Thank you for reminding me,” he says. “I guess I forgot. All this talk about submission got me excited. I deserve your punishment.”
“Now, some people look down on submission as if it were something demeaning, degrading or humiliating,” Pastor Rick says with a glued-on smile. “But in a biblical sense, that isn’t what submission in marriage is about at all.”
“Let’s just hope you don’t forget again,” says Miranda. “Or I won’t be quite so nice next time.”
“What a shame,” Miranda says under her breath.
Pastor Rick calls for everyone to return their focus to the topic of marital bliss. “Now folks,” he says, his eyebrows jumping playfully up his face, “we all know marriage is hard work. Anita and I have been married for 30 years, and we’ve run the gamut of difficulties. You name it, we’ve dealt with it. I won’t get into the gritty details, but believe you me when I say, we haven’t always been this cheerful, loving couple you see standing before you today. If you want to know how we overcame addiction, neglect, disrespect, affairs, and daily arguments, the answer is God. When you let God move in you and expand your awareness of his love and grace, and when you learn to swallow your pride and ask God to be used as his holy vessel, he will fill you with a servant’s heart so that you won’t be spit from his mouth, as he warns in Revelation. As the kids say, God is down to forgive your sins. He asks that you come as one with your spouse to the feet of Jesus to be used as tools in his holy hands. Dear brothers and sisters, when you come as one, you can be sure that God will reward you.”
“Rather, a wife who submits to her husband is choosing to empower him to have the self-respect he needs,” says Anita, beaming at her husband. She then asks the group to share examples of healthy submission from their own marriages. A man in the back says that he balances his wife’s submissiveness by asking her for permission to do things, like play poker with the guys. Bryan nods in agreement and says, “I get great feedback when I ask for my wife’s permission, too. Her support of my wishes to wear her makeup and stockings feels very empowering.” There’s a palpable silence in the room. Pastor Rick and Anita stand frozen, smiles still glued to their faces as though someone pressed a pause button on them before they registered what they just heard. After a minute, Pastor Rick un-glitches to suggest that that may not be what they were getting at. “Does anyone else have an example?” he asks with a shaky laugh. Miranda raises her hand.
“My husband and I feel most connected when I submit to letting him pleasure me.“ As she says this, she fondles a whip-like tassel necklace hanging between her breasts.
Again, a confused silence from the audience. Several people ogle Bryan and Miranda with concerned stares. The couple next to them appear to be praying silently, their fingers linked in their laps. Pastor Rick and Anita laugh nervously and call for a fiveminute break. Miranda leans into Bryan and says in a husky, movie-star voice, “You were such a good boy for speaking up. You have so much helpful knowledge to share about submission.” “I live to please you,” says Bryan, hungrily eyeing Miranda’s tassel necklace that she’s casually brushing along the palms of her hands.
“Yes, madam,” Bryan replies with a half-moan. “I live to obey your commands.”
OFM lust
is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
As Pastor Rick speaks, Miranda subtly teases Bryan. When the pastor says to let God move in you, she rocks her hips slowly, almost imperceptibly back and forth in her seat. When the pastor says to swallow your pride, she molds her fingers around her throat, gripping it for just a second, then swallows audibly. When the pastor says to come as one, she squeezes Bryan’s trembling thigh, stroking it so gradually that no one else could possibly notice her intentions. All this teasing has Bryan clutching his Bible and biblical marriage worksheets to cover up the holy expansion rising from the front of his pants. “This is more erotic than the burlesque show we saw in Vegas,” he whispers to Miranda. “Shhh,” she whispers back, touching her index finger to her lips. “Now let us close in prayer,” says Pastor Rick.
“Although … I’m a little worried,” says Miranda, “that I may be spoiling you by sparing the rod.” She slaps the tassel with a steady rhythm between her breasts.
With everyone’s heads bowed and eyes closed, Miranda slips her right hand between her upper thighs, just for a moment, then brings her fingers to Bryan’s face, as though brushing a crumb off his upper lip. Bryan, seemingly moved by the spirit, blurts out, “Holy Jesus!”
Unable to contain himself, Bryan sneaks his hand onto Miranda’s stockinged knee, which she immediately slaps away with the necklace. “You know you’re not supposed to touch unless I say so, Pastor,” she whispers to him in a terse librarian voice.
After the session, as Miranda and Bryan are following the crowd to the main hall to debrief over coffee and sheet cake,
Several people in the room, including Anita, echo him with convicted moans of “Yes Lord!” and “Praise God!” Miranda covers her face so that no one can see her laughing.
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OFM lust
Miranda suddenly grabs Bryan’s hand and pulls him into a hallway closet. This closet—which happens to be a pageant costume closet—is filled with togas, rope belts, angel wings, halos, and even a crown of thorns. Miranda straps Bryan into a pair of lacy-white wings and rests the crown of thorns atop her head. “Bow down and receive absolution for your sin of yielding to temptation,” she commands, pushing Bryan down by his shoulders. “Yes, Madam Savior,” utters Bryan, the bulge in his pants pulsing with fiery devotion.
“Nothing pleases me more than serving you.“
Miranda pats him on the head, then wiggles her panties down to her ankles and tells Bryan to take and eat of her flesh. “This is my body, given up for you.” After an entire day of agonizing, delicious teasing, Bryan is more than willing to partake in his lover’s communion. He takes Miranda fiercely by the hips, burying his face in the fragrant folds hidden beneath the hem of her schoolgirl skirt. He finds her dripping wet and already close to climax. “Please,” he begs, “may I touch myself while I pleasure you?”
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Miranda thinks about it while she strokes his hair in rhythm with the caresses of his eager tongue. “Yes, you’ve more than earned it,” she eventually decides. Within minutes, Miranda’s back is arching, her hips bucking up from the box of prayer candles beneath her. Unable to keep quiet, she pulls out a rope belt from a tangled pile and bites onto it to stifle her orgasmic scream, removing it only to command Bryan to cum as she finishes. At her command, Bryan explodes onto a stack of glittering halos. They take a few minutes to catch their breaths, smiling devilishly as they clean up the costume closet (after all, they’re no philistines), then they smooth their clothes and leave the closet one at a time to join the rest of the couples in the main hall. Hand in hand, they walk up to Pastor Rick and Anita at the refreshment table. Bryan reaches out to shake Pastor Rick’s hand and says to him, “My wife and I want to thank you for the positive impact you’ve had on our marriage in such a short time.” “It’s true,” adds Miranda. “Thank you so much for helping to ignite our fire. May God reward both of you for your service.” Pastor Rick and Anita flash coy eyes at one another. “As a matter of fact, we’d like to thank you,” says Pastor Rick with a wink in his voice as Anita passes a business card to Miranda. “Please give us a call this weekend. Day or night. We’d love to express our gratitude for what you’ve brought to this conference.” And with that, the pastor and his wife walk off to join another couple, leaving Miranda and Bryan’s imaginations whirring with new and unexpectedly thrilling role play scenarios that they already can’t wait to enact.
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Returning in 2021!
Festival For Life and 5K Walk & Run
The Festival For Life is one of Colorado’s oldest and largest community traditions to support our friends, neighbors, and family who are living with HIV and other related health conditions. People from across the state join together to celebrate how far we have come, honor the journey, and remember the loved ones we have lost, and above all, rally together in solidarity with our community as a testament to the strength and resilience of all those impacted by HIV. Funds raised through the Festival For Life provide vital resources, programs, and services to Coloradans living with or at risk of acquiring HIV and related health conditions.
of panels from the AIDS Memorial Quilt, a ceremonial walk around the park, the 10th annual Diva Dash, a refreshment garden, informational booths from partner agencies and vendors, live entertainment, and more! The 2021 5K Walk & Run will be conducted virtually. Runners can complete a 5K route of their choosing, then upload their finishing time and run map to the event site between Monday, August 2 and Sunday, August 22. Walkers can complete their 5K during the same timeframe and are invited to share photos from their route on the Festival Facebook page!
On Saturday, August 21, come out to Cheesman Park in Denver, CO from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. to join the community in person for the Festival For Life. This one-day gathering will feature a display
To register or learn about more ways to get involved and for answers to frequently asked questions, visit rebrand.ly/CHNFestivalForLife, or contact a member of the Festival team at (303) 837-0166.
Love Your l Loca
GoAurora.org
Support Aurora’s independent shops & eateries We challenge you to Love Your Local breweries, trails, restaurants, boutiques and every small business in between. Every visit builds a stronger community we all can enjoy.
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OFM lust
Dear OFM
SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS from the
TRANS AND ENBY COMMUNITY Compiled by Ray Manzari
We reached out to the trans, nonbinary, and gender-nonconforming community through several social media platforms asking for the sordid details of their more explicit encounters. The responses we received ranged from sexy to sweet, from wholesome to educational. Our aim for this column is to elevate positive sexual experiences from a community which is often fetishized, sexualized, and othered. We hope that this collection of stories can inspire more members of this community to chase their sexual bliss. “Dear OFM, my hookup story started with my friend at the time wanting to have a threesome with me at Southern Decadence. (Let me preface this next part by clarifying that we had talked about kinks and set boundaries beforehand!) We walked around NOLA for a while as he gave me gentle commands, tugging on my collar and whispering sweet nothings into my ear. There was even a point where he had people petting me on my hands and knees at a bar. We ended up walking into a Hustler where he bought me a remotecontrol vibrator (ugh, amazing, I know, right?) and proceeded to use it on me throughout the rest of the day. Through walking. During dinner. When I was trying to have a conversation. All. The. Time. After a whole day of teasing and edging, he and my friend brought me back to the hotel room, and that’s where more fun began. He and I bonded that day and ended up creating an emotional bond over the next couple of months as well. This guy I happened to meet by chance through a friend and had a wild hookup with has now been my boyfriend for over two years, and I couldn’t be happier. Crazy how life works, right?” -Jax (he/they)
“Dear OFM, I’ve always had a super-high libido and could definitely be described as ‘boy crazy’ in my younger years. But after starting HRT, my sex drive skyrocketed. Being single, in the era of COVID, I had to learn how to take things into my owns hands ... literally. This resulted in a ton of exploration of different toys as well as porn, mostly geared towards the FtM community. Hormone therapy didn’t just affect my sex drive; it affected my anatomy as well. Testosterone will often enlarge the clitoris, forming what many refer to as a ‘T dick.’ Where I was once only able to achieve orgasm through penetration, I’m now able to climax through outside stimulation as well. Reading up on HRT beforehand, I had known that it was going to change a lot of things; one thing I didn’t realize was that it would make sex with partners and myself so much more satisfying.” - Anonymous (he/him) 6 4 OFM J U L Y 2 0 2 1
“Dear OFM, I fucked this enormous college basketball player from Grindr on his living room couch while Oliver Stone’s JFK (1991) was blasting on the TV.” -O (they/them)
“Dear OFM, I’ve had this friend since college, but the benefits didn’t show up until years later. We began casually sleeping together before I came out of the closet. I come out of the closet as trans, and I start my hormones and have zero sex drive for about eight months before it comes roaring back completely different. My first time having a sexual encounter with my new hormones was intense and loving and lasted hours. I went home for the holidays and was able to schedule a night to stay with my FWB. We cuddled. We watched a movie. We had sex. It went that way all night. When it was finally time to sleep, they tucked me in and kissed my cheek and tried to sing me to sleep, but the whole situation was just so much gender euphoria that I started sobbing. They held me and whispered in my ear how proud they were of me and how it was OK to cry because I had so much to process. I fell asleep in their arms. That’s my one–and only–time having sex as a woman. I’ve still got some hurdles to jump (like eventually taking off my underwear), but it was a really affirming start.” - Dawn (she/her)
OFM
BAR TAB | Colorado Nightlife
BENNY’S 301 E. 7th Ave. Denver (303) 894-0748 bennysmexican.com
HAMBURGER MARY’S 1336 E. 17th Ave. Denver (303) 993-5812 hamburgermarys.com/denver
THE TRIANGLE BAR 2036 N. Broadway St. Denver (303) 658-0913 triangledenver.com
BLUSH & BLU 1526 E. Colfax Ave. Denver (303) 484-8548 bluebludenver.com
ICONS 3 E. Bijou St. Colorado Springs (719) 300-7863 Instagram- @icons_colorado
STONEY’S UPTOWN JOINT 1035 E. 17th Ave. Denver (720) 485-5503 stoneysuptown.com
BOYZTOWN
LI’L DEVILS
WILD CORGI PUB
117 Broadway St. Denver (303) 722-7373 boyztowndenver.com
255 S. Broadway St. Denver (303) 733-1156 Facebook- @lildevilslounge
1223 E. 13th Ave. Denver (303) 832-7636 wildcorgipub.com
CHARLIE DWELLINGTON’S 1103 N. 1st St. Grand Junction (970) 241-4010 charliedwellingtons.com
LIPSTICK DISCOTEQUE 5660 W. Colfax Ave. Denver (720) 669-3470 Facebook- @lipstickdiscoteque
X BAR 829 E. Colfax Ave. Denver (303) 832-2687 xbardenver.com
CHARLIE’S NIGHTCLUB
MILLERS & ROSSI
#VYBE
900 E. Colfax Ave. Denver (303) 839-8890 charliesdenver.com
3452 Walnut St. Denver (720) 257-5342 millersandrossi.com
1027 N. Broadway St. Denver (720) 573-8886 303vybe.com TRACKS
CLUB Q
R&R LOUNGE
776 N. Lincoln St. Denver (720) 598-5648 denversweet.com
H
ST .M
AL
L
AV E
TRIANGLE 17TH AVE.
PRIDE & SWAGGER
.W
ES
T.
31ST AVE.
DOWNING ST.
K
O AH AP
ES
T
HAMBURGER MARY’S
STONEY'S XBAR
R VD BL .
11TH AVE. OGDEN ST.
CLARKSON ST.
1ST AVE.
BROADWAY
COMPOUND BOYZTOWN
PENNSYLVANIA
8TH AVE. DENVER 6TH AVE. SWEET
WASHINGTON ST.
VYBE
GLADYS TRADE
BLUSH & BLU
R+R DENVER
CHARLIE’S
TRADE 475 Santa Fe Dr. Denver (720) 627-5905 Facebook- @tradedenver
PA R
. ST
T
EE
GLADYS 500 Santa Fe Dr. Denver (303) 893-6112 Facebook - @gladysdenver
16 T
SP
4501 E. Virginia Ave. Glendale (303) 388-8889 Facebook- @elpotreroclub
CLOCKTOWER
COLFAX AVE.
TRACKS 3500 Walnut St. Denver (303) 836-7326 tracksdenver.com
A
U LN
AR
SANTA FE DR. KALAMATH ST.
EL POTRERO
W
. ST
YORK ST.
DENVER SWEET
TIGHT END BAR 1501 E. Colfax Ave. (303) 861-9103 tightendbar.com
KE
COLORADO BLVD.
4958 E. Colfax Ave. Denver (303) 320-9337 Facebook- @randrdenver BROADWAY
3430 N. Academy Blvd. Colorado Springs (719) 570-1429 clubqonline.com
A BL
MILLERS & ROSSI
DADDY’S BAR & GRILL
LI’L DEVILS
outfrontmagazine.com 65
The Pothos
OFM lit
S
by Brian Byrdsong
6 6 OFM J U L Y 2 0 2 1
amitha sat in a chair by the window of her three-bedroom apartment. She opened the window, letting just a bit of the outside air inside her home. She thought it was becoming stuffy … she also wanted a smoke. She carefully reached in her tiny pockets and slid out the red-and-white pack. She reached for the table and grabbed a lighter and lit the cigarette, inhaling deeply and savoring the taste and feel of the murderous pleasure. Samitha gazed around at her apartment and shocked herself. She hadn’t realized just how many plants she had acquired in the short, six months of living there, but they made her feel a sense of contentment. She remembered it was watering day for most of her plant babies, and so, with a quick flick out of the window, and a spray of the air freshener, she began to pull the plants down from the ceilings and out of the windowsills. She grabbed a glass and filled it with water. She took great care not to overwater them, as she feared too much would drown them. One by one, she grabbed the potted plants and gifted them with nutrition. She imagined that deep inside their cells, they were jumping for joy. Nearly half an hour after she began the task of nurturing her semimotionless children, she grabbed the final one from the hook in the ceiling and began to pour water in the soil. As she did so, a leaf ever-soslightly brushed against her. She placed it back into its initial position as soon as she noticed. It moved again. This time, it was a quick brush against Samitha’s thigh. “This can’t be happening. I’m losing my mind, right?” Samitha said to no one. Samitha decided to pour the last of the water in the plant and replace it on the hook by the window. It was the perfect place, she thought at the time. As she let the full weight of the plant and its pot rest upon the hook in the ceiling, Samitha noticed something peculiar about the plant. She noticed that it seemed to be swirling its leaves. No plant she had ever seen before had moved in such an obvious way, save the venus flytrap. Samitha reached toward it, and the stems reached back, quickly brushing against the palm of her hand. “Oh, hello there!” Samitha said, running her hands through the rapidly growing stems of the pothos. Samitha was enjoying the fact that it seemed to be behaving more like an animal than a plant. Before she knew it, though, the plant had begun to enmesh itself in the cells of Samitha’s body. It had started to learn who she was, not just in the sense of her personality, but in the very roots of her being. The pothos dug itself deep into her muscles. Samitha tried to rip herself away from the thing, but the pain in her muscles forbade her from doing so. “Stop,” she managed to whisper, hoping that it would be able to recognize her pleas for mercy and show the same compassion she had shown in its early days. Samitha didn’t realize that the more she pleaded for help while under its grasp, the more it learned. The more it became like her. The flesh on her arm began to quickly decay, as the plant made its way around the rest of her body. It engulfed the whole of her arm, wrapped itself around her torso, and began to silently snake it way down her legs. In mere minutes, Samitha was nothing more than a shell of her former self. A pile of dead skin lay beneath the plant, which continued to grow and form something different than itself. The stems and leaves of the plant began to wrap around each other, and eventually, they began to form a small foot. Its colors began to morph, seemingly struggling to find the right shade and finally settling on a light mocha color as they continued to grow and pile on one another. As the minutes passed, a foot turned into a leg; that, in turn, created the beginnings of a torso. Within the hour, the pothos had recreated itself into a walking and barely talking copy of Samitha herself. It matched the blueprint it had stolen from Samitha’s cells from the mole on her face, right down to her glimmering, hazel eyes. With its purpose complete, the pothos set out, eager to explore its new world.
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