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February 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

VOL. XXXVI • ISSUE #20 • FEBRUARY 6, 2013

Contents CoVer STory: loVe

“We have always been able to be ourselves. We had no secrets, from the very beginning. and we didn’t try to change each other. i love Michelle for who she is, and she loves me with all my faults and quirks.” – Wendy Alfredsen

FeaTure:

During February, the month of black History, we take a moment to

COLUMNS AND DEPARTMENTS

FOCUS 6 leTTer FroM THe eDiTor 7 SPeaKouT 9 neWS 10 Panel: VoiCeS 12 ouT in ColoraDo BODY AND MIND 15 beauTy 16 THriVe 19 FaiTH & SPiriT SOCIAL 24 FooD For THouGHT 26 HiGH SoCieTy 29 bar Tab 33 QraVe LIVING 37 FaSHion 39 ParenTinG 41 baCK in THe Day 42 SHoW & Tell 45 HeinZeSiGHT

recognize the lGbT african-americans who helped alter the course of history for the better. in doing so, we honor them by telling their stories.

On the cover: Michelle Phillips Carney and Wendy Alfredsen. Photography by Charles Broshous

February 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

Serving the LGBT Community of the Rocky Mountains since 1976 3535 Walnut Street Denver, Colorado 80205 Phone: 303-477-4000 Fax: 303-325-2642 Email: info@outfrontonline.com Web: OutFrontOnline.com Facebook: facebook.com/OutFrontColorado Twitter: @OutFrontCO Out Front Colorado is published by Transformation Communications Group, LLC, a Colorado limited liability corporation and is a member of: Denver Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce and Denver Drama Critics Circle. PHIL PRICE / Founder, 1954-1993 JERRY CUNNINGHAM / Publisher Email: Jerry@outfrontonline.com J.C. MCDONALD / Vice President / Director of Circulation Email: JC@outfrontonline.com NIC GARCIA / Associate Publisher Email: Nic@outfrontonline.com JEFF JACKSON SWAIM / Chief Strategist Email: Jeff@outfrontonline.com

EDITORIAL HOLLY HATCH / Editor-in-Chief Email: Holly@outfrontonline.com MATTHEW PIZZUTI / Junior Editor Email: Matt@outfrontonline.com CONTRIBUTING WRITERS: Brent Heinze, Maya Salam, Robyn Vie-Carpenter, Scott McGlothlen, Jeff Steen, Josiah Hesse, Gary Kramer, Mike Yost, Ashley Trego, Nuclia Waste, David Marlowe, Steve Cruz, Chris Azzopardi, Shanna Katz, Max Oliver, Amy Lynn O’Connell, Jonathan McGrew, Jasmine Peters, Lauren Archuletta.

ART SARA DECKER / Creative Director Email: Sara@outfrontonline.com DENEE PINO / Production Assistant CHARLES BROSHOUS / Photographer

SALES JORDAN JACOBS / Marketing Executive Email: Jordan@outfrontonline.com HOLLY KOMAR / Marketing Executive Email: Holly.Komar@outfrontonline.com

DiSTribuTion: Out Front Colorado’s print publication is available semi-monthly, free of charge in Colorado, one copy per person. Additional copies of Out Front Colorado may be purchased for $2.95 each, payable in advance at Out Front Colorado ofﬁces located at 3535 Walnut Street, Denver CO, 80205. Out Front Colorado is delivered only to authorized distributors. No person may, without prior written permission of Out Front Colorado, take more than one copy of Out Front Colorado. Any person who takes more than one copy may be held liable for theft, including but not limited to civil damages and or criminal prosecution. CoPyriGHT & liMiT oF liabiliTy: Reproduction of editorial, photographic or advertising content without written consent of the publisher is strictly prohibited. Advertisers are responsible for securing rights to any copyrighted material within their advertisements. Publisher assumes no responsibility for the claims of advertisers and reserves the right to reject any advertising. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization in articles or advertising is not to be considered an indication of the sexual orientation or HIV status of such person or organization. Publisher assumes no responsibility for the loss or damage of materials submitted. OPINIONS EXPRESSED are not necessarily those of OUT FRONT COLORADO, its staff or advertisers.

February 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

froM THe eDiTor

Love stories without illusion

february 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

partner’s child from a prior relationship, yanked through legal hoops to access rights otherwise denied to same-sex parents. Another is two men who met at a leather bar almost 30 years ago, their bond through the decades tinged, but undiminished, by HIV. Another is between a woman and a well-known DJ who is sometimes “he,” sometimes “she.” These relationships – all with aspects that are unique to LGBT people – share a universally-familiar love. This issue’s conversations about love cover more than romance. You may be surprised, reading the parenting column on page 39, how lesbian mother Jasmine Peters sees love for her children – not obligatory the way one would expect a parent’s love to be, but a cultivated, free (though inevitable) affection. With the cynicism many feel towards the sappiness of Valentine’s Day, you may be glad to see the broader take on love in our Faith & Spirit feature on page 19. Speaking of love, it’s unavoidable we mention civil unions – not only because it’s Valentine’s Day but civil unions will be law in Colorado soon. When that’s achieved mere weeks or months from now, Colorado’s local corner of the LGBT movement will debate what struggle comes next here, as our Panelists do on page 10. Are civil unions going to be enough? (We know from comments from our readers that most of you think they won’t be). But more specifically, will we feel substantially different with them? What’s more important to us – the practical state-level legal rights and responsibilities civil unions will provide, or is there something more for which we’ll still half-hold our breath – that inevitable next step in our fight, true equality wound up in that evocative, romantic word: marriage? Are we pragmatic, or romantic? Empirical, or poetic? How about you? Thumb through this issue and I think you’ll see that Out Front is lot of both. We speak both languages, especially when it comes to the historic – though imperfect and incomplete – political victory that is coming soon with civil unions. But one thing I hope you’ll recognize is that we do still see the difference, knowing where one take is just a sliver of the whole. And we only carry illusions when we have to. ]

Matthew Pizzuti Junior Editor / Matt@OutFrontOnline.com

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Charles Broshous is an avid and passionate photojournalist whose images have appeared in the Grand Junction Free Press, the Denver Daily News and for almost two years now, here, in Out Front. Look for his “On the Scene” photos in print and online at www. outfrontonline. com, and on the cover of this issue. Jeff Steen is all about food and gay things. The author of this issue’s cover story on page 20, Jeff regularly writes “Food for Thought” (page 24) and features for Out Front. He’s also a regular churchgoer and is passionate about interfaith dialogue – particularly where food, culture and spirituality intersect. When he’s not writing, you can probably find him biking, cooking at home, or tasting wines of every stripe.

LGBT people run gamut when it comes to views on love. In most ways we’re no different from heterosexual couples, but one thing our community is full of – since ideas about romance are bound up with gender and the gender we are or want is what makes us LGBT – are really diverse ways to be in love. Many of us are wildly romantic. That’s true especially when we’re young, seeking love we can’t imagine happiness without: half-holding our breath through life to meet (not choose, but find) “the one” – perhaps a stranger we’ll recognize in an instant as our soul mate, swept off our feet, lonely years abruptly lifted like a spring dawn so that every day after – days yet lingering on an imagined horizon we can almost touch – will be poetry. Many of us approach relationships with strict practicality. We will not live as though we have a role to fill – nor entertain notions of jealousy or exclusivity. We will not lose our own identities in love, we will not compromise our life’s goals, we will not long to be with one person forever and ever with white roses and bells just because that’s what our parents did. If we are ever in a lasting union, it will be a civil, chosen family, of respect and commitment built through good days and bad days over time. Then, between those extremes, with elements of both, are the majority of us. As a gender-nonconforming group, we’re not beholden to see our own partners as gender stereotypes – not musing with our buddies about how “women need to be approached this way” or “men see relationships that way.” It may well be that your girlfriend is the noncommittal one wanting a short-term thing, your would-be boyfriend is the one waiting to be courted. We’re not confined to facing our partners across an irreconcilable chasm of differences, thinking – wrongly – that we need a book to explain what motivates our partner’s sex. We see each other in all our humanness, real similarities and differences that have nothing to do with being women or men. We only carry those popular illusions when we want to. Our cover story tells the true love stories of four local LGBT couples. One relationship emerged during a dramatic custody battle over a

ABOUT THE CONTRIBUTORS:

sPeaKouT

Why I volunteer By Hank Provost

Hank Provost

‘

remembering the first time i watched the original documentary The Times of Harvey Milk, i was most moved by his words: “burst down those closet doors once and for all, and stand up and start to fight.”

‘

Growing up in a large Catholic family, my mother was very in tune with keeping the household in some sort of organized chaos, assuring that everyone had her or his chores in mind. One of her more common phrases was, “everyone is doing something.” When I consider why volunteering in the community is so essential, I’m reminded of this phrase. No real social change happens in one major event. Most major social changes (i.e. ending slavery, women’s right to vote, civil rights, gay rights) were the result of small, incremental movements over a very long period of time. And very rarely does that change come from the top, whether it’s change in government, the workplace or the community in general. Remembering the first time I watched the original documentary The Times of Harvey Milk, I was most moved by his words: “Burst down those closet doors once and for all, and stand up and start to fight.” It took me some time to fully appreciate what he was asking each of us to do. For me, it has meant that every one of us in our own way has the power to make great social change happen in the LGBT movement, one person at a time. Whether it is by giving of our time, donating our money, or merely watching out for those who don’t have the power and influence. In some small way, each of us can take on the fight. I have chosen to take on the fight through my leadership of Human Rights Campaign, Colorado. It is my small way of bringing the resources of the largest national LGBT civil rights organization to support the important work here in Colorado. By building this local committee of committed and inspired leaders, I believe that I can make a difference and move us closer to the prize. I invite you to join me and other members of the HRC Colorado Steering Committee in the movement. There are many ways, big and small, that you can make a difference. Talk to one of the committee members soon and let us know how you would like to make a difference. Join us in assuring that “everyone is doing something.” ] Hank Provost is the Chair for the Human Rights Campaign – Colorado.

^ For more info on volunteer

opportunities email Volunteers@ HRCColorado.org. For more editorials in SpeakOut, visit ofcnow.co/ppz.

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february 6, 13 | outfrontonline.com

FYI

Nuggets player Kenneth Faried announces support for same-sex marriage, civil unions

Obama seeks permanent fix for same-sex partners at risk of deportation

Denver Nuggets player Kenneth Faried, raised by two moms in Newark, New Jersey, has joined a growing roster of professional athletes supporting marriage equality. He spoke with Colorado LGBT advocacy group One Colorado in a video released Jan. 25 about his lesbian moms and Colorado’s civil unions bill. “A lot of people [are] saying ‘civil union,’” Faried, 23, said. “I don’t like it being called that because I can get married to a female and it can be called a marriage. Why can’t a female be married to a female and male be married to a male and it be called a marriage? You still have the same thing, same love and happiness.” ]

In a Jan. 29 speech outlining principles for comprehensive immigration reform, President Obama called for a permanent solution for undocumented same-sex partners of U.S. citizens risking deportation. The Defense of Marriage Act prevents U.S. citizens’ same-sex partners from gaining citizenship through marriage. In 2011 the White House used executive discretion to suspend deportations involving bi-national same-sex couples – prioritizing deportations of known criminals instead – but a permanent fix granting same-sex partners citizenship requires an act of Congress, which Obama asked for during his Las Vegas speech. Obama’s new push also calls for stronger border security, a path to citizenship for undocumented residents, penalties for hiring undocumented workers and a streamlined immigration process. ]

^ More online at ofcnow.co/d7o

^ Read the full story: ofcnow.co/rl0

February 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

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Boy Scouts consider ending ban on gays The Boy Scouts of America may reverse a decades-long ban on lesbian and gay troop leaders and scouts, a spokesperson announced Jan. 28. The 103-year-old American scouting organization prohibits LGBT people from becoming adult leaders and has denied some scouts their Eagle rank for being openly gay – a policy that was contested but upheld in a 2000 Supreme Court Ruling granting organizations the right to refuse to associate with LGBT people. Since then, the Boy Scouts of America has come under fire from donors, supporters and many of its own local chapters, but reaffirmed its anti-gay stance until its January announcement that the board would consider allowing chapters to set their own policies toward lesbians and gays. ]

^ Full story online at ofcnow.co/LKm

neWs analysis

Follow updated coverage on civil unions at outfrontonline.com/ofcnow

Kellie Fiedorek, left, a representative for Alliance Defending Freedom, whispers with Nicolle H. Martin, a lawyer representing Colorado Family Action at a Jan. 23 hearing on the Colorado Civil Union Act. Both Fiedorek and Martin and their respective organizations oppose the bill. Photo by Evan Semon/Out Front

Much ado about cake

In fight over civil union bill, Religious Right grasping for straws By Nic Garcia Colorado’s Religious Right is in the midst of a cakewalk. The prize? To find a political message that sticks with the state’s most sought-after, sometimes real, sometimes mythical unaffiliated “swing” voter with a Western-libertarian streak. In the not so distant past, the modus operandi for opposing LGBT rights was “protect the children.” But LGBT-rights groups – including One Colorado, the state’s largest LGBT advocacy organization – flipped the script on the likes of Focus on the Family and subsidiaries CitizenLink and Colorado Family Action by reminding anyone and everyone who would listen: It’s the Colorado Civil Union Act, in fact, that would protect the children, by “providing critical legal protections to same-sex couples and their families.” “The other side has lost so many battles, they’re desperate for a win. I wouldn’t put anything past them,” said

Steve Roth of Equality California. Now those “pro-family” organizations, once for the children, are standing up for a different group – cake bakers. “The so-called religious protections put forth in the proposed legislation are not only inadequate, but the extreme narrowness of those protections suggests intent to legislate prejudice toward individuals who possess deeply-held religious beliefs about sexual unions or marriage,” said Kellie Fiedorek, a representative for Alliance Defending Freedom at a Jan. 23 Colorado Senate Judiciary Committee hearing on bill that would establish civil unions in Colorado. Her objection, in other words: The Colorado Civil Union Act violates freedom of religion because the services of wedding planners, florists and therapists across the state will be sought for civil union ceremonies, forced to participate in the recognition of love between two people of the same sex. “Contrary to your assertions in front

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of this body, there are significant ramifications for the Colorado Lakewood baker,” Nicolle H. Martin, a lawyer representing Colorado Family Action said at the hearing. The committee OK’d the bill sponsored by out gay lawmakers state Sen. Pat Steadman and Lucia Guzman, both Denver Democrats, on a partyline vote. As of press time, the bill had cleared a second committee and had been scheduled for it’s next step in the legislative process: a debate by the full state Senate on Friday, Feb. 8. The bill is expected to clear all of its legislative tests, be signed by the governor in early spring and allow the first civil unions to begin May 1. But back to Martin: she was referring to another one of her clients, Jack Phillips, owner of Masterpiece Cakeshop in Lakewood, who refused service to a gay couple planning their destination wedding in Massachusetts. Dave Mullins and Charlie Craig, a gay couple, filed written complaints with the state, alleging Phillips

violated the state’s existing nondiscrimination law for public accommodations. “He’s under investigation, right now,” Martin continued. “He is faced with two fines … and, incredibly, he’s faced with jail.” Objection. The bill’s sponsor, Steadman, a lawyer by trade, corrected Martin. Jail time is only a remedy if a prosecutor brings someone up on criminal charges. Phillips won’t be working the Jefferson County Detention Facility cafeteria for this alleged offense. Acting-chairman of the committee, openly gay state Sen. Jessie Ulibarri, DCommerce City, turned Martin’s testimony upside down: not only is discrimination based upon sexual orientation already illegal, but the law is working and providing remedies for people who have been discriminated against. “To that, we need to say that issue is settled – and let them eat cake,” Ulibarri said. Others continued to raise concerns at the hearing, including one representative from Catholic Charities, a nonprofit backed by the Catholic Church that among other things places children in adoptive homes. In previous versions of the bill, Catholic Charities would have been able to reject applications from same-sex couples. The 2013 version of the Civil Union Act does not provide religious exemptions for any person except clergy. Steadman argued the religious nonprofit fought the bill last year even with the provisions in it. So why bother compromising principle by including them again? In his closing statements, Steadman pivoted from his sharp legal mind to his heartstrings. “For me, this bill is about love,” Steadman said. “Let’s craft this bill in fashion that does the most good as possible, that offers full inclusion and equality to all of the citizens of this state. This bill doesn’t do harm. This bill protects. This bill invites people to take personal responsibility for themselves, their loved ones and their estates, their children, their property. Let loving couples live their lives and play by the same sets of rules as everyone else.” It’s hard to argue with that. ]

february 6, 13 | outfrontonline.com

PANEL: VOICES

After civil unions are legal, what’s the next big political issue for Colorado’s LGBT community?

FEBRUARY 6, 2013 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

In 2006, Colorado voters approved Amendment 43 which limited recognition of same-sex unions by banning same-sex marriage and common law marriages between same-sex partners. During the subsequent Ritter Administration, Democrats did nothing to overturn this, nor to pass legislation for civil unions. Many now expect our legislature to pass civil union legislation soon. Passing civil union legislation will be a start – a little piece of chocolate tossed onto the path of Colorado’s partnered GLBT community. What Sen. Steadman and Speaker Ferrandino need to do next is to show that they truly support GLBT Coloradans. They need to work vigorously to repeal Amendment 43. Anything short of that is hypocrisy on their part and on the part of the governor and legislature. Nine states and the District of Columbia allow same-sex marriage. Thus, 41 states including Colorado do not. When the US Supreme Court takes up the Proposition 8 and the Defense of Marriage Act cases later this year, it is uncertain how broad their ultimate decisions might be. While polls indicate that a majority of Americans support the freedom to marry, that majority does not represent a majority in every state – nationwide marriage equality will be a long time coming. So what about Colorado? Passage and enactment of the civil union legislation is a start. Now begin the effort to repeal Amendment 43. ]

Karl Wesley is a 28-year-old gay resident of Denver that was named Mr. CGRA in 2013, and continues to be active in the Colorado Gay Rodeo Association. Wesley is the manager at the country bar, Charlie’s, and works to strive toward a more tolerant, educated and accepting future for the LGBT community.

Iowa native George Gramer is the president of the Colorado Log Cabin Republicans.

George K. Gramer, Jr.

Phil Nash has spent 37 years working in the realm of public affairs, nonprofits, advocacy and is a former editor at Out Front. Nash works as a communications consultant with nonprofit organizations.

Interested in becoming one of the voices on Out Front’s PANEL? 10

Once Civil Unions are legal, why worry about the “next big political issue” when we should be focusing on the issues within our own community? In the last several years, the GLBT community has become so focused on “what’s big in politics”, DADT and other gay rights in the outside world that they seem to lose focus of and deny those same rights to their own community. I always hear, “What’s the ‘T’ (the Truth/Gossip/News)?” I look at that question differently. The “T.E.A.” we should be focusing on are Tolerance, Education and Acceptance! If we expect to gain tolerance in this world, we have to learn to tolerate one another within the GLBT community respectfully. To stop ignorance towards the GLBT community, we must educate our younger generation and understand our older generation. To gain acceptance anywhere, we must accept one another unconditionally for who we are individually and as a group! We discuss these three points all the time, but we tend to project them towards the world outside our gay walls. The reality is that we should focus our attention less on what the world believes at this moment and more on what is going on within this rainbow structure so many have helped to build. Worrying about what the President is going to do next or what “gay rights” we can acquire next seems highly irrelevant when we can’t even focus on our own back yard. Better to be the caring family than the nosey neighbor. ] Karl Wesley

Jace Woodrum is the Deputy Director of One Colorado, the state’s leading LGBT advocacy organization. He’s also a trans guy, a husband and a puppy parent.

When it comes to paying the public’s expenses, LGBT taxpayers have always enjoyed equal treatment. When it comes to the way government treats LGBT taxpayers, we are shortchanged, sometimes insulted. How about an LGBT Taxpayer Bill of Rights? A few random ideas to get started: Public education benefits everyone. Although more LGBT homes are raising children today, the vast majority of LGBT people are helping finance the education of other peoples’ children. Great! Guarantee me, as a gay taxpayer, that all students learn respect for differences, that LGBTQ kids are safe and thriving in their schools, that LGBT resources are in the school library, and that ZERO tax dollars fund religious schools. Economic development benefits everyone – tax breaks for employers, subsidies for job creation, low-interest loans to small businesses. Guarantee me, as a gay taxpayer, that NOT ONE RED CENT of public funds go to support an enterprise that discriminates or promotes anti-gay causes. (Case in point: economic development funds helped bring Focus on the Family to Colorado in the 1980s). Reach out to LGBT entrepreneurs and help them grow their businesses. Government agencies make grants to nonprofit organizations that provide services for youth, elders, the poor, the uninsured and others. We have all of the above in our community, we have LGBT organizations serving them, and we have gay-friendly elected officials who seek our votes—but little or no government money to help. Why not? Let’s become more sophisticated as taxpayers. Let’s demand government accountability to our community’s needs. ] Phil Nash

Jace Woodrum

Colorado’s LGBT community is beautifully diverse. We cross the boundaries of race, ethnicity, class, ability, gender identity and more. It is in this diversity that I find our community’s inspiring strength, power and promise. Although beautiful, the diversity of our community makes it difficult for us to unite around one single issue. And in fact, maybe we shouldn’t focus on only one issue at a time. Do we ask queer youth to wait for safe schools or inclusive curriculum while we secure marriage for same-sex couples? Do we ask transgender Coloradans to go without access to healthcare while we work to end the violence that plagues our community? Our community has many priorities – and our challenge is to advance progress for each of them. When we focus on one issue alone, we risk pitting members of our community against one another. We risk leaving people behind. We risk destroying the diversity of our community by breaking it apart. We’re stronger when we’re together. If we want to achieve full and true equality in this state, we can’t risk tearing apart our community by elevating the needs of some over the needs of others. Instead, we must strive to go this journey together. We must commit to working on all the issues that matter. We must hold our beautifully diverse community together so that when we celebrate victory, each of us has a reason to cheer. ]

Contact Holly Hatch by email at Holly@outfrontonline.com or call (303) 477.4000 ext. 711 to be considered!

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OUT IN COLORADO

“Lo decisio ve isn’t a n. If we It’s a feelin who w could decid g. e e be mu loved, it wo uld ch sim p ler, bu less m t – Trey agical.” Parke r and Matt S tone

Homoquotables recreates the greeting card Homoquotables, the new Boulderbased gay owned and operated greeting card business, is offering the local and national community a way to celebrate life with cards that are made specifically for LGBT people. Searching for the perfect greeting card in aisles lined with Hallmark sentiments geared toward straight couples can be difficult for folks in the LGBT community. What does one get a same-sex partner for their birthday? Something neutral? Or does it entail a search through the “For My Wife” section for something that doesn’t indicate the gender of the person sending it?

Coloradans have something to be excited about as times change and new local gay-owned businesses emerge. Our little blue state will celebrate the passage of civil unions in a short time, and will be able to celebrate it in a new way. Homoquotables offers greeting cards, love notes and blank cards depicting loving same-sex couples to memorialize any moment. “With new printers, expanded design selection, and quicker turnaround, we are excited to be in a great position to help our community celebrate their lives and achievements,”

said Homoquotables founder and creator Dan McLellan. “It’s an exciting time for all of us, and having cards that don’t reflect our lives and hearts has been frustrating for my friends and family... until now.” Homoquotables offers romantic gay themed greeting cards that are perfect for weddings, civil unions, anniversaries, and birthdays, or just to say “I love you!” Each card features a black and white photograph of a gay couple. On the inside is a famous quote about love. ]

Gender Identity Center of Colorado’s 14th annual Gold Rush Conference What: The GIC brings together a group of the nations leading experts on transgender topics. This year’s conference features workshops, panel discussions and presentations by top professionals from around the country. When: Feb. 22 through Feb. 24 Where: Renaissance Denver Hotel, 3801 Quebec St. More info: gicofcolo.org

^ More info at Homoquotables.com.

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FEBRUARY 6, 2013 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

OUT IN COLORADO Erin Rust. Photo by Anthony Norris Photography

Love Sick Ink, Denver’s newest Tattoo & Body Piercing shop Local lesbians Erin Rust and Nicole Rosales have ventured into new waters with the recent opening of their business, Love Sick Ink on 2260 S. Broadway. Rust, who was featured on the cover of Out Front’s Feb. 15, 2012 issue as a tattoo artist, and since then she’s proving she’s got what it takes to be a business owner in an often male-dominated industry. Tattoos aren’t just for Navy sailors anymore – they’ve become one of the most unique ways individuals can express themselves, and the cultural popularity of body art has given partners, in love and life, Rust and Rosales the space to do what they love, and make a living at it.

FEBRUARY 6, 2013 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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With five tattoo artists and a professional team of body piercers, Love Sick is a notable business in the industry, as the artists cater toward all visions, including: realism, new age, traditional, script, full-color, portraits and custom art. Rust and Rosales are committed to creating an artistic space for Denverites beyond body art, as they have an artwork corner in their shop that features an artist of the month from the local Denver community. ]

^ Love Sick Ink is located at

2260 S. Broadway Ave. Call (303) 777.7698 or visit ofcnow.co/PwW.

GAL ON THE MOVE

To be Jody Foster I watched with baited breath while Jodie Foster gave her acceptance speech for the Cecile B. De Mille Award at this year’s Golden Globes Jan. 13. I waited for her to say “gay,” “lesbian” or “queer” in front of God and everybody, once and for all. She did “come out” as much as she was willing to, and everyone called her brave and courageous. Well, straight people did. It occured to me that for high profile out celebrities, and probably many others, “coming out” was mostly for the people that it was important for them to come out to – their actual circle of friends and family, not the general public. Recently, many prominent men on television have come out publicly. Anderson Cooper said that he finally came out because he wanted young people to know that they aren’t alone. Yep, kids, even really famous people are gay. For Cooper and others like him, coming out was a liberating experience. For other people, it isn’t. If we are truly to be a society of acceptance,

then it shouldn’t matter whether or not someone comes out. If we’re supposed to be evolving into a society where sexuality ceases to be an issue, then people also have the right to not discuss their private lives in public. Just because people are more curious about what famous people are like in “real life” doesn’t mean celebrities’ acquiescence offering that information. It’s still not our business. Yet we expect it from them all the time. We want to tell stories about people we know, and often about people that we don’t know, famous or not. It is part of how we entertain a crowd. We’ve all shared anecdotes about people. Some call it gossip, but most of the time its just attempts to be entertaining and witty. It is also a way to divert attention from us so that people don’t notice our own vulnerabilities – that we are not always amazing. I am a lesbian professionally as well as privately. But when you are privately lesbian/queer/whatever, and professionally an actress, politi-

cal commentator or CEO, you want in her accomplishments. She looked your public conversations to be about amazing. In fact, each of these women your professional accomplishments is living their life in their truth and glowingly maturing. They are not or opinions; not just that you’re gay. The more well-known you become, defiant. They are not hiding who they are. They are just living the easier it is to become their life in the way that someone else’s story. suits them and those that When your private life they care about, without ceases to be private, you apology or explanation. have no place to find I am a professional your center, to be your lesbian, predominantbest self. I don’t want ly in Denver. When I lesbian public figures am other places I am a to come out for them, I writer, energy worker, want them to come out soon-to-be author, fiancé for me. For me to be able to my love – so many to see my love on the other things. I am living red carpet, my “family” my queer life without being amazing in front Robyn Vie-Carpenter announcement or decof straight society, this laration. I am proud of all of the makes me feel proud and strong. But their stories cannot be my things that I am. I am proud of us all, story. I have to be amazing for myself, publicly out, privately out or only out to our dog. We are all amazing. ] no matter who is watching. I am proud of Jodie Foster for saying what she had to say. I was Email Robyn at GoddessofJoy1@ more proud of what she said about gmail.com. For more Robyn, visit her mother. She beamed with pride ofcnow.co/FQv.

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FEBRUARY 6, 2013 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

LEBANESE LESBIAN

Should we stick to our guns? and gunfire raged outside. I’m becoming fiercely aware I was sitting beneath a and, in turn, terrified by a window with my back to the presence that’s been an inwall, and my beloved jido extricable part of my life (granddad) slowly peeked since my first memory: out the window right over guns. For obvious devastatthe sill. I asked him if I could ing reasons, it’s been the look out, and he said, “No. If word on everyone’s lips. you do, you’ll get shot.” I think of the question That is truly my first as a presence, not just a poMaya Salam recollection. I wasn’t sad. litical issue or problem; this isn’t credit card debt or corporate tax I wasn’t curious. I just was. Like the loopholes. This is life and the threat of sky being blue, I had nothing else to its loss at all times – the defense of it compare it to. Sounds depressing, but it’s not. and how defense is defined. I’ve never been more aware that this threat is all It’s a daily reality for millions. In around us in the U.S. as I am now. Just this country, we, as a collective, have when I thought this country couldn’t be been relatively sheltered from this – more divided, an event surfaces that until now. When I go out these days, I wonder how many people around me drives that wedge deep into its wound. My very first memory of gun are armed. At Whole Foods, at sports violence was during the war in Beirut, bars, just walking down the street – I’m where I lived the first handful of my sketched out. That’s a dramatic shift in consciousyears. I was probably about 3, and we were crawling around the house ness for me. I wasn’t always so wary. – lights off to not attract attention. I grew up around guns, both hunting We weren’t permitted to look out the weapons and handguns. I shot guns windows for the same reason as bombs for sport and for fun. My dad taught

FEBRUARY 6, 2013 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

me how to use them for protection. And I’ve always kind of understood the romanticism around them. I love The Matrix; I spent college playing GoldenEye on Nintendo 64. I’m embarrassed to admit, but I got it when people said, “Guns are bad-ass.” That’s how they’d always been represented in my life. And growing up in Kentucky, I wasn’t exactly getting challenged much on that thought. Also, given my history, maybe I wanted to downplay the dangers in my mind. Downplayed, they are no longer. A couple years ago, not long into my relationship with my girlfriend, we got into what our friend lovingly coined “the lesbian gun fight.” After a night at Beauty Bar, we and a couple others returned to her Cap Hill pad. Vodka shots were had, and then verbal shots were taken. She is not a gun person, to put it lightly. And her reasoning blew my default “we have a right to protect ourselves” response out of the water. Sure, I “got it,” but at that point, I didn’t really. It’s not necessarily weaponry that she

[ [ BODY & MIND ] ]

opposes, it’s a system that enables such lax treatment of a tool that’s sole purpose is to kill. “Why no extensive and mandatory background checks? Why the need for assault weapons with high-capacity magazines? Why isn’t suicide a major factor in the gun control debate? What’s at the core of being so afraid of our neighbors that we have to arm ourselves against them?” It took awhile, but she broke through, and she was right. Maybe it’s my nature to assume that progress and responsibility on an individual level will only evolve for the best. Maybe I needed to make light of it to quantify my past. I was part of the problem, and now, I want to be part of the solution. I understand that it’s never going to be all hand-to-hand combat – guns are here to stay – but it can’t go on like this. We all know what happens when we play with fire. ]

^ Maya can be reached at Mns.

outfront@gmail.com. For more columns by Maya, visit ofcnow.co/rMp.

BOULDERITE BEAUTY

Lipstick lesbian:

The right red for your skin tone

Kelsey Lindsey

et’s do a quick word association game. I say “lipstick lesbian” and you think…what? Sharp, fierce, feminine; heels, dresses and hair: no matter what the image created in the few seconds I gave you, I am guessing that the majority of these conceptual lipstick lesbians are wearing, well, lipstick. Now zero in on those pouty lips of hers and what shade of lip stain is she rocking? If it is anything like her personality, it is a wild, daring, beautiful red – a color that perfectly complements her skin tone while bringing both sophistication and fun that only red lipstick can bestow upon a woman’s look. Now this perfection is no easy task- red is a fickle color that needs to be matched to the skin tone of whomever is wearing it. To avoid any association with the clown act at the circus, follow the tips and suggestions below to find the prefect red lip for your type of skin. DARK SKIN Darker complexions will benefit from deep, rich burgundy shades of red or warm brick lip color. Avoid super bright colors that may contain hints of coral or pink, as they tend to look too harsh on warmer skin tones. L’Oreal Paris Colour Riche Lipcolour in Red Rhapsody, $8.95: This deep wine-color lipstick will keep lips soft and conditioned with ultra-hydrating ingredients like omega 3, vitamin E and moisturizing oil. Rimmel London Lasting Finish by Kate Moss in 01, $4.63: Infused with black diamond, this hot red will pop against darker skin tones. A semi-matte finish makes this shade both office and evening appropriate (even if your actions may not be). MEDIUM SKIN To complement skin with golden undertones, look for true red lipsticks or lipstick red that contains cranberrypink undertones. Clinique Chubby Stick Intense in Mightiest Maraschino, $16: Those familiar to Clinique’s usually sheer chubby stick might be surprised by the opaque shade of red found in this hydrating balm. It’s dark enough to be on the edge of sexy, but still contains itself enough to let you rock the red at more casual occasions.

Chanel Rouge Allure in Audace, $34: Although I have already mentioned Chanel’s Roughe Allure line, its shades are so elegant and finish so smooth it deserves another shout out. With a coraly-orange shade that demands attention, Audance would be perfect for those hot and steamy summer nights. FAIR SKIN Coral reds are less intense on fair skin than a bright red, complementing the pinkish glow found in many fair skin tones. If your really itching towards a full red lip, choose a color that is more of a bluish shade of red rather than one with warm undertones. Tom Ford Rouge Lip Color in Slander, $48: Not for beginners, this lipstick goes on like a thick cream thanks to ingredients such as Brazillian murumuru buter and soja seed extract. No need to worry about packing the tube in your purse or overnight bag (we don’t judge): the dramatic matte color will last all night. Chanel Rouge Allure Luminous Intense Lip Color in Pirate, $34: For those fair ladies that have always shied away from a red lip, let Chanel lip color be your guide into the world of dramatic color. The blue undertones and satiny finish will make sure you never go back to those girly pinks you’ve been holding on to for years. ]

^ Email Kelsey at Kelsey@OutFrontOnline.com. For more related editorial content on beauty, visit ofcnow.co/dgw. [ [ BODY & MIND ] ]

FEBRUARY 6, 2013 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

THRIVE

Safe-sex is widely understood, but still a challenge in practice By Lauren Archuletta

‘

According to a recent New York study to gain insight into men’s perspectives on unprotected sex and HIV/AIDS, roughly 47 percent of gay men surveyed admitted to

‘

having unprotected sex “always, often or sometimes.”

FEBRUARY 6, 2013 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

[ [ BODY & MIND ] ]

While we’re saturated with the message that condoms greatly reduce the risk of contracting – or spreading – HIV, a remaining challenge for health advocates and HIV/AIDS activists is convincing sexually-active men to use them consistently – not just sometimes. According to a recent New York study to gain insight into men’s perspectives on unprotected sex and HIV/AIDS, roughly 47 percent of gay men surveyed admitted to having unprotected sex “always, often or sometimes.” Researchers from the nonprofit Community Healthcare Network surveyed 725 men, focusing primarily on those who use social apps like Grindr and Manhunt to meet their sexual partners. The study revealed that 81 percent of respondents know that HIV is transmitted through “unprotected anal sex, vaginal sex and, less frequently, oral sex.” About 68 percent of the men said that they are afraid to become infected or re-infected by HIV and added that they believe people should be more concerned about this “epidemic.” Of the 47 percent of men who at least occasionally have unprotected sex, 85 percent said that they felt sex doesn’t feel as good with a condom. Still, impulsivity, drugs and alcohol led to higher rates of unprotected sex, the respondents reported. So the fact that the men believe they should use condoms doesn’t always translate to reality. HIV therapist Bill Coleman told Xtra! News that men are not assertive enough when it comes to condom use. “Part of it is, ‘if I insist on you using a condom, then I’m accusing you of being positive or you think I’m positive,’” Coleman said, adding that men are not going out looking to be infected – they are well aware of the risks – but it happens anyway. Of the surveyed men, about 59 percent said they used a condom the last time they had anal sex, while 40 percent admitted to not. The researchers at CHN agree that while condom use is effective, there needs to be a broader strategy for preventing the transmission of HIV – including offering ways that those at risk can plan in advance how they’ll be sure they use a condom every time. ]

For more articles on fitness, health, and all things ‘Thrive’ related, visit: ofcnow.co/5y8.

FEBRUARY 6, 2013 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

bleed liKe me

The worst best interview

‘

Scott McGlothlen

Even

though I

was a total mess just

eight hours earlier, I knew I could pull off the professional razzle-dazzle it takes for someone to see not only a potential

‘

employee, but also a new comrade.

February 6, 13 | outfrontonline.com

[ [ body & mind ] ]

The week before, a former coworker called to say that her company had a position open. Since social work can be a bit female-dominated, the organization wanted to hire a male. Nonetheless, I didn’t need to switch jobs. My disinterest hadn’t ended the conversation. For the next 58 minutes, my former coworker described all of the fabulous things about her life since employment. At minute 59, I was like Adam eating the apple out of Eve’s hand: One teeny tiny interview couldn’t hurt. The day after I sent in my resumé, human resources called to set up an interview. Clearly they were so stunned by my qualifications that they simply had to hire me, the interview only a formality. As the clock passed 2 a.m., my partner woke up realizing I hadn’t come to bed. He came downstairs to find me anxiously strung over a still-incomplete application. My spacey brain couldn’t remember all the details of my employment. As he tried to help, I shot down every logical solution he had. My insecurities turned my arrogance into a needy perfectionism. And the more he tried, the more I pushed him away. With only a few hours of sleep, I went to the interview again self-assured by the perfectly-completed application in a perfectly-crisp envelope. My former co-worker said that her super-cool supervisor would conduct the interview. Even though I was a total mess just eight hours earlier, I knew I could pull off the professional razzledazzle it takes for someone to see a potential employee, and also a new comrade. Things started on the right foot. The supervisor seemed around my age. I knocked her questions out of the park. She didn’t even bother to

write my answers down. My awesomeness must have been unforgettable. As the questions got more difficult, I maintained composure – but noticed she didn’t have much to say. She didn’t seem excited that her soon-to-be favorite employee had arrived. I tossed more wit into my responses, smiling and laughing, yet she barely cracked a smile. Only ten minutes had passed by the time she asked me if I had any questions for her. Had the ship already sunk? Was this really the woman my coworker was giddy about? Even though I had answered everything so well, something was very wrong. To save this interview, I would actually need to ask some good questions to show her how interested I was feeling about this job. But the supervisor seemed more annoyed than impressed. She tossed me a couple of pity answers, and before I knew it I’d been scooted out of the building. Standing in the parking lot, I didn’t understand what just happened. They ushered me in so quickly. I gave the best performance to one very uninterested audience. And then they ushered me right out. It was the worst best interview of my life. I should have been crushed. Instead I felt stupid. I remembered that I wasn’t ever sure I actually wanted this job. Yet I became hysterical when I didn’t seem perfect for it. It was a game of cat-and-mouse. It may never be certain whether the interview truly went horrible or great. But in either case, I let my emotions take the lead and abandoned logic. For me, that wasn’t an attitude worth hiring. ]

Email: BleedLikeScott@ gmail.com. For more Scott, visit ofcno.co/aI9.

FAITH & SPIRIT

Letting love lead As I sat in a local piano bar one evening, the lyrics of a jazz piece being played over the stereo system struck me as being apropos: “Love is funny. Love is real. Love is heartache.” The universe spoke to me before I could speak my words into print. Love. What is love? How many ways can it be expressed? Isn’t love funny? Real? And too often heartache? Understanding or grasping the deep and wide spectrum of love is like trying to single out just one star in the Milky Way. However many times we try to capture its beauty, one hundred other stars grab our attention. What is love? Doesn’t it often seem to elude us? We want it. We dream of it. Sometimes we taste it. And then just when we think we’ve swooped it up into our hearts it slips away leaving us with nagging questions and empty feelings. What is love? Christian evangelist Paul in his letter to the Corinthians said: “Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice

in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” Is this love? Might this be that for which we all long? Sometimes I wonder if we don’t give enough thought to love’s deeper roots and the stabilizing force it seeks to be. Sometimes I wonder if love is like a magic potion that will quickly and instantly transform our fantasies and dreams into a reality that is everything but real. Don’t get me wrong. “Love” as we want it to be can often have such a soporific effect. In our attempt to capture what we so desperately want and need, we fall asleep to what love really is and means. Love can move the soul. Love can heal our wounds. Love brings hope and vitality to the otherwise void spaces of our lives. But is love something that just happens? Can love just appear? Does it fall out of the sky? Does it come with Cupid’s arrow? Love is not a gift from the universe that just appears out of thin air.

[ [ body & mind ] ]

and happiness, can tear the Contrary to what many fibers of our souls apart. of us experience, and So no matter where contrary to what we we find ourselves on the want, love takes time. It spectrum of sexuality, as takes patience. It takes another Valentine’s Day commitment. It takes arrives and our attention courage. It takes comtoward love is focused, munication. It takes a maybe we ought to let love willingness to put aside Brian Henderson be the mysterious reality it our hopes and dreams is. But perhaps we ought to so that hopes and dreams can be shared with another, give time, attention and commitment to or with others. Like the lyrics I heard what love requires of us too. Then, maybe suggest: love is funny, love is real and Cupid’s stardust will open up the deep love is heartache. It’s funny, and yet and wide spectrum of love in all of us. ] the irony is, it may be that we don’t approach love with as much serious- Brian Henderson has been an ordained minister with American ness as we should. Shouldn’t love be more than a one- Baptist Churches, USA, for 13 years. night experience? Maybe. Or maybe not. Brian holds a doctoral degree in But love is real too. Love brings people family-systems theory. Recently, he together like no other gift the universe began as minister of First Baptist can provide. Love helps us to listen and Church of Denver, located at 14th care. It helps us to reach out and offer and Grant St., where Sunday services hope and help to another. And isn’t it real are held each week at 10:30 a.m. when love becomes heartache? The very gift that is to make our humanity full and For more editorial related content complete and replete with wholeness on spirituality, visit ofcnow.co/J5y

February 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

Love in

many flavors LGBT stories speak to a universal theme

By Jeffery Steen

remember the pimple-faced awkwardness of my early teens with unfortunate detail. Perhaps some of you can relate: My hair – shaggy and unkempt – was forcefully combed over every morning before school. My clothes sagged on me in a remarkably uncool way, leaning on my unloveable handles and accentuating my bulbous bubble butt. My laughs were awkward and jagged and my smiles betrayed an immense lack of self-confidence. I was, to most and to many, an outcast. But while I remember these sad truths very well indeed, I also remember the striking chords and uplifting harmony of what would become a gay anthem. It was in theater class that I heard it first, caught behind the stage while working on a set for a show. A CD was blaring in the background, and I hardly noticed what was playing until I heard the simple, powerful, uplifting words of Jonathan Larson’s opus: “525,600 minutes – 525,000 moments so dear... how do we measure, measure a year?” That song played out between pounding hammers and hoisted two-by-fours, laughter and boisterous conversation, until the refrain at last kicked in: “Seasons of love,” the principals sang, stretched by riveting harmony and lilting chords. It occurred to me, at that moment – surrounded by hormone-plagued teens and world-conquering idealists – that I had never truly experienced romance. I had never been in love.

A WILL AND A WAY From around the bustling corner of The Market in Larimer Square, I see Wendy Alfredsen’s hand energetically waving at me. She smiles with an unspoken happiness while motioning for her partner, Michelle Phillips Carney, to rush over to our table in the far corner of the café. The two laugh as they shake my hand, tucking into chairs across from one another. Their legs cross, gently rubbing against each other. They settle into smiles. To the rights-hungry activists in our community, Wendy is something of a heroine; to the average lesbian, however, she is simply an amazing role model. Over the last 10 years, she has suffered through legal

mire and wrestled with institution and government. Once upon a time, life was ideal: she and her former partner adopted two girls – sisters – who were meant to become the core of their nuclear family. When the relationship ended, however, Wendy’s partner left the country, taking one of the daughters with her. Since that fateful, tearful day, Wendy has fought with all her might – legally and emotionally – to maintain custody of her second daughter. After many long, hard battles, she was granted legal paternity and is now able to build a loving relationship with both daughters. Wendy’s partner, Michelle – an effervescent brunette with intense depth in her eyes and a brimming smile – has known her own struggles. Once married, she divorced her husband in 2001 and began to live her life as the person she knew she was – a lesbian. With two children from the marriage, however, life wasn’t easy,

February 6, 13 | outfrontonline.com

[ [ CoVer STory ] ]

and neither was dating. When she met Wendy – in the middle of legal chaos and emotional upheaval – she felt both genuine affection and weighty hesitation. “It was just a lot,” she said, her eyes falling to the table as she remembered. “I cared for Wendy, but I wasn’t ready for all that we brought with us – me with two kids, and Wendy with her custody battle.” Fortunately for both, however, the story had a remarkably happy ending. Wendy and Michelle – wildly in love with one another – soon came back together and have enjoyed a loving, caring relationship ever since. But not without their own share of stumbling blocks. “Life from the beginning has been so highly emotional, and that was its own difficulty,” Michelle said. “Now, our arguments are typically over something idiotic. And you know what? It’s Wendy’s hug that always brings us back.”

In the flash of a smile that the two share, I watch as their hands stretch over the table and touch. “We’ve had so much crisis and huge emotional trauma,” Michelle said, “that the little things don’t get us. We have our angry moments, then we come back and hug.”

Wendy Alfredsen and Michelle Carney. Photo by Charles Broshous

Wendy and Michelle celebrated their official second anniversary just more than a month ago, and with a fifth child on the way (Michelle is 21 weeks pregnant) and four other children between them, I asked what can possibly keep them sane. “We have always been able to be ourselves,” Wendy said – without pause or hesitation. “We had no secrets, from

SPINNING LOVE STORIES In almost a different world entirely, lives an equally endearing vision of relationship and love, lived out in the music-laden lives of Markie Lindemulder and his partner, Beth Baker. For countless years, “DJ Markie” has been the resident DJ at Tracks. As we all know, Tracks is a Denver LGBT icon; tucked away in Five Points in the warehouse district, it is the social and entertainment outlet for hundreds of LGBT boys and girls, men and women. And atop the dizzying DJ heights of the Tech Room – as well as Exdo and the newly-minted Lounge – hails queen and king of the music scene, DJ Markie. You see, to most, DJ Markie is the T-girl who spins. But to a few, she is both a loving friend and a loving boyfriend. And to that same few, he is both he and she. Over a steaming pot of green tea on a chilly day recently, I lingered in Dazbog with Markie and Beth. It was clear from the moment the couple walked into the coffee shop that they were the perfect complements for one another – he in his silk, purple button-up and Beth in her wool coat and smartly manicured hair. I still laugh when I remember the story they told after hands had been shaken and coffees coddled. There was a sequin dress they both loved, you see, and somehow, their misguided dry cleaner had cleaned the sequins right off. Markie laughed with an edge of frus-

the very beginning. And we didn’t try to change each other. I love Michelle for who she is, and she loves me with all my faults and quirks.” “Our love is purely organic,” Michelle echoed with a glint in her eye. “We don’t have to try. It’s just so easy. And we make time to spend one-on-one – away from the case, from the kids, from our lives. Just us.” The LGBT community has wavered some in the pairs’ tumultuous journey, but has ultimately come to support them with enthusiasm and strength. And when asked what advice Wendy and Michelle would extend to the ever-growing, everlearning community that surrounds them, their guidance is clear: “Be yourself,” they both chant in unison. “Speak your truth as individuals and as a couple, and let your journey be your own.” When their story had ended – for the time being – both Wendy and Michelle meandered over to the pastry case, ogling the towering cakes and frosted pastries. I asked what they were doing that night, and Michelle laughed. “Laundry,” she said with a shrug. “It’s not very exciting, but it’s our life – together. And we’re happy with it.”

tration as he told the story, Beth echoed by his side. When two people love each other, an unmistakable aura shines from both, and I felt – almost palpably – the connection between the two as they sat in front of me, laughing. As the giggles subsided, they both leaned in to tell the story of their four-year romance. First, Markie: “We met at Charlie’s on

Beth Baker and Markie Lindemulder. Photo by Koko B. Studio

May 18, 2009 at 5:30 p.m.” Beth smiled knowingly, nodding as she remembered the exact time and place. As Beth painted the scene, she was looking for a release at the end of a failing relationship and was urged by a friend to come down to the bar at Charlie’s. There, she met Markie – dressed to the nines in a gorgeous dress and absolutely beautiful. Markie, as Beth learned that night, was – and is – a T-girl, or transvestite. To many, it’s an identity that needs explanation, and even with a modicum of understanding, confusion persists. Is he attracted to guys? Is she a lesbian? Beth had similar questions when the

[ [ CoVer STory ] ]

two started dating, but the biological reality never changed – they’re a straight couple, with Markie living out two parts of the same identity, one masculine and one feminine. “This is the first relationship where I met a girl already dressed up,” Markie remembered. “It was great because I didn’t ever have to explain things to her.” He laughed, reaching back to a seemingly distant memory. “It was actually more awkward the first time I wasn’t dressed up – I remember thinking I wasn’t as cool.” “I felt weird at first,” Beth confessed. “I didn’t know how to treat Markie.” I asked her how the early days unfolded, and when they found comfort together. Both sighed as they described the first months in their relationship. “When we first got together, Markie would introduce me to couples ‘like us,’ but there was no one like us,” Beth said. “In my mind, there are different types of T-girls: fetishists who prey on women and the kind who, in public, are totally shy. They’re basement dressers – those who dress up at home all the time, but don’t have the support to do it in public. And there are a lot of couples with open relationships, but we talked about that at the beginning and decided there was going to be no sharing.” While there was – by her own confession – a learning curve for Beth, there have been certain constants that haven’t changed in their relationship. “My expression of love never changes whether I’m in masculine or feminine persona,” Markie said. “And there’s plenty of physical contact – touching, hugging, kissing.” “That stuff is important to us,” Beth nodded. “I grew up in a very lovey, huggy family and I’ve always needed that connection. Sometimes, when I get upset with

Markie, it’s because I don’t feel like I’m getting enough physical love from him.” And while that is perhaps a relative norm in relationships – homosexual and heterosexual alike – Beth and Markie have had slightly different struggles as well. “With Markie, and with a lot of friends, sometimes it’s a private process transitioning from masculine to feminine,” Beth said. “It’s something I’ve had to learn – when it’s OK for me to be there, or when she needs space.” But ultimately, it’s a combination of humor and open communication that have given their relationship a firm foundation. “Sometimes, when we fight and I know I’m the one who’s fucked up,” Markie said with a sly grin, “I like to go to Beth and say, ‘I forgive you.’” Beth chuckled in agreement. “He says it just like that, too. And I can’t stay angry at him. How could I?” Their advice for the relationship neophyte is perhaps what you’d expect to hear but always worth sharing. “Put all your cards on the table,” Markie said. “And be true to yourself. I don’t know that a lot of gay people in their 20s ever had parents tell them to be nice to their boyfriend, or lesbians to be nice to their girlfriends. That might account for a lot of volatility in relationships now, but it’s so important to respect your partner.” With a clasp of her hand on Markie’s arm, Beth agreed. “No duffel bags,” she said, an unmistakable tone of seriousness in her voice. “That really sums it up,” Markie affirmed. “No duffel bags.” And with another lingering smile, the two begin chatting about day-to-day life, errands, to-dos – back to cats, to home, to work, and to a simple, unadulterated life together.

TRIUMPH OF LOVE

with HIV in 2000, shortly after moving to Colorado from Florida. And while the days that followed were a true test of faith and relationship, they cling fondly to the days when they met, almost three decades ago in Tampa. “We actually met each other at a leather bar,” Ken recalled. “We both went there, but then, on that special night, there was something unique about Will, something that drew me to him. We went on a proper date, of course, then I took him home, gave him my special brand of love” – he said with a wink – “and the rest is history.” History, absolutely – and a full one at that. When Ken and Will met in 1986, some of their closest friends were already passing away. HIV meant nothing less than a death sentence then, and both thought they had somehow avoided contracting the disease. Until their move westward. Continued on page 22

When HIV hit the gay community, it hit like a raging firestorm. Sure, the love decade of the ’60s had passed, but the growing freedoms and explorations of the gay community hadn’t. And nobody could have anticipated the devastating impact the AIDS epidemic of the ’80s would have on the community. Ken and Will, two survivors of the early days of the epidemic, sat in front of me on a recent Sunday afternoon. They’ve been together for some 27 years – a feat for any couple. Beneath salt-and-pepper moustaches, their faces lifted into smiles. Twenty-seven years and they are still very much in love. Both Ken and Will were diagnosed

February 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

Continued from page 21 The couple’s journey to Colorado was bittersweet. Will had long dreamed of living in Rocky Mountain country, and Ken had bought into the dream himself. And yet, the stress of the move brought the disease to the fore. “I was so sick,” Ken shook his head sadly. “I had just started on HIV meds that first Christmas, and I could hardly open my package. But I watched as quarter-sized snowflakes covered everything with white. It was beautiful.” I ask if coming to terms with HIV – and living with the reality of the disease – has changed their relationship at all. Both shook their heads. “I think a solid relationship is a solid relationship. AIDS doesn’t change that,” Will affirmed. “It can be a test of a relationship, but it doesn’t change the love you feel for each other. Love has always been the same for us – now and when we started dating. Ken is my best friend. And I still want to spend my life with him. Honestly, I think the secret to longevity in relationship is that the definition of love doesn’t change.” After so many years, I wondered if there weren’t a much deeper connection the two share that others can look forward to. Ken chuckles to himself. “There’s this psychic component to things after all these years – you’ll think, ‘Dang, I wish I had a beer,’ and suddenly a beer will show up.” But while HIV has made both of them count their blessings and not take a single day of their lives together for granted,

they are still able to laugh, to joke, to live full lives. And there’s yet another piece to those lives – and their relationship’s success – that is not often commonplace in the gay community. “We’ve been going to church since 2003,” Ken beamed. “And that community – and faith – has made the relationship more real. It’s about practicing what you’re taught from the pulpit, and learning when you fail. After so many years of working on things, the relationship has just gotten better.” “Faith has strengthened the relationship, without a doubt,” Will agreed. “In stressful times, it gives us extra strength and reassurance. It also gives us a big community of support.” And their advice, with 27 years at their back? “I see younger people looking for the greener grass on the other side of the fence,” Ken said. “But at the end of the day, the sex is all the same. The parts are the same. Nothing new has been invented. When you find someone, don’t let the trivial things take over. You’re together. That’s what matters.” “And don’t go to bed angry,” Will added, waving his finger. “Count your blessings. Whatever your struggles, there are a lot of things to be thankful for.” And with a loving nudge into each other, they begin to reminisce – about snowflakes, and parties, leather bars and carrying each other through the years. In the background, I see the residual white from a recent snow.

IN THE DARK AND THE LIGHT

When asked if the inkling of deep and abiding love was present in those early days, Shannon stirred, thinking back to the beginning. “I knew that Molly was someone extremely special,” she said quietly. “I think there was something that changed my definition of love that night – that I could easily talk to and share myself with someone. That’s something I don’t really do. And yet it’s developed and grown since that very first night.” Molly – the more extroverted of the two – leaned back and smiled, listening. There’s a gentle balance between them, and though Shannon might be considered an introvert, Molly is quick to extol the virtues of her thoughtfulness – one more way the two genuinely appreciate each other. “I learned early on that Shannon takes a long time to think about things, and that when she says something, it’s articulate and meaningful. I love that about her.” Three years after their first dates – almost exactly – the love that was foreshadowed early on at Blush, fully bloomed. It is a beautiful dance of emotion and physicality, of listening and sharing. And at the core of their love for one another rests a mature and considered understanding of what love is, and what it has grown to be.

It was a cold day in December 2009 when Shannon Stillman walked into a bar – Blush, formerly known as There Bar. Ordinarily, that wouldn’t be anything to write home about, except it was on that very night that she met the love of her life: Molly Dyer. At the time, Molly was working at There as a bartender. And while most of us can attest to the fact that deep, longlasting connections are seldom to be found in a bar, somehow a spark ignited between the two. “Right away,” Molly said with a smiling pause, “right away, we were attracted to each other.” Both Molly and Shannon were out to family and friends at that point, and though Molly had experienced her share of familial awkwardness, it was a hurdle long-since jumped. Having begun the winding road through relationships, both met when they would least expect – at the tail end of previous relationships. Still, love has its way, and though unexpected, their meeting was a happy surprise; the two starting dating in February 2010.

FEbRUARy 6, 13 | outfrontonlinE.com

“It’s important to understand that love takes time to build and always involves compromise,” Molly said with a tone of seriousness. “Sure, it takes work, it takes commitment – working through tough shit together. And until you experience it, you don’t really know what love can be. Someday, trudging through the bad times, you can look back and recognize it for what it is – that wonderful, unexpected emotion that you fought for.”

Shannon Stillman and Molly Dyer

Shannon lingered for a minute, and added: “I think what I finally realized is that when you’re in love with somebody, you realize that happiness and fun come and go. But for me, true love means that my desire is always to be with Molly. When the shit hits the fan, Molly is the first one I go to.” And in those not-so-happy moments, when voices are raised and anger stirs over who drank the last beer? “When we fight, it’s mostly about something stupid,” Shannon admitted. “And yet, we both look at each other and feel bad we hurt the other person – almost at the same time. Then we hold each other’s hand, or put our arms around each other. Someone cracks a joke, and we’re

At the ripe old age of 31, I sometimes feel as though I’ve experienced love in its many, often painful forms. When I first heard the opening song of Rent all those years ago, the idea of love was still new and fresh – it was opportunity. Over the years, however, I have barked up many a wrong tree, stumbled and fallen, broken hearts and had my heart broken, and learned what not to do perhaps more than what to do. Still, I am happy to say I am in love now – and I know this not because of a formula, or some tried and truth method that led me on the right path. I had my own trying journey, and it led me to a fruitful place. The idealism of yesteryear makes me smile in retrospect, and somehow still lingers inside me – not necessarily because of who I am, but because I know people like Wendy and Michelle, Markie and Beth, Ken and Will, Shannon and Molly. I feel a part of their stories somehow, and continue to share in the growing narrative of love in the LGBT community. And lest I take that, too, for granted, know that I am humbled to have heard the personal stories of many and – for a

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grounded again. We can work through our disagreement and frustration.” I ask, after three years of ups and downs, if there’s one happy memory that surpasses all the others. They look at each other and sigh. “It was, without a doubt, the night that Shannon proposed to me,” Molly said, on the verge of very happy tears. “I was out on a walk in City Park with a friend, and when we rounded the lake next to the gazebo, there was Shannon. She pulled me up into the gazebo with shaking hands and started to propose. Almost immediately, we fell into crying and laughter. That night, we were engaged.” Molly reached for Shannon’s hand as they tell the story of the surprise party Shannon threw after the proposal, of the Champagne toast with friends and family surrounding them, and of all the memories that collide with that one night. Before we said goodbye, I asked them both to share with me what little thing reminds each of them of their love for one another, that connects them with each other again. Molly beamed. “Shannon’s laugh,” she said. “I don’t know how to describe it; it just sweeps me off my feet. When she starts giggling, I will do anything for her.” And as Shannon, too, draws the picture of that one endearing trait, both of them look at each other. “For me, it’s Molly’s compassion – and the look in her eye when she knows I’m upset. She’s so nurturing. Just the sound of her voice melts my heart.” In that moment, the sounds of distant chatter fade, and there is – as there should be – just Molly and Shannon, reliving the first moment when they found each other three short years ago.

brief and fleeting moment – shared what it means, in all the good and bad, to be undeniably, indefatigably in love. ] Editor’s Note on anonymous sources: While Out Front places a high priority on transparent sourcing, under limited circumstances we honor valuable, verified sources’ requests to keep their identities protected. In this story, Will and Ken are pseudonyms for the HIV-positive couple who said revealing their HIV status could lead to employment discrimination in their fields. ^ Read Out Front’s full policy on anonymous sources at http://ofcnow.co/anon.

^ More ...

10 date suggestions for a memorable Valentine’s Day with your sweetheart at ofcnow.co/luv

LGBT Faces of

BLACK HISTORY MONTH

20th century leaders personifying two movements (Part one of a two-part series)

white woman, and she stopped and spat on me. I felt the tears running down my cheeks, but I didn’t answer her. I knew it wasn’t her fault, she’d be taught that way.” After forever altering show business, Baker became a French citizen and later joined the French resistance during World War II as a strong opponent of Nazi ideology, faking her death and traveling with allied soldiers – and refusing to perform for segregated audiences. She later spoke at the March on Washington in 1963, and was offered unofficial leadership of the movement by Coretta Scott King, after her husband’s assassination. Alvin Ailey Modern dance choreographer Alvin Ailey entered and redefined a genre of entertainment that was typically reserved for upper-class whites. A former nightclub performer with Maya Angelou, Ailey was a wunderkind of the west-coast dance-theater scene, becoming the artistic director of a major dance company at the age of 22, where he embraced an eclectic mix of classical ballet, jazz and Native American dance styles. After moving to New York in 1954, Ailey was an associate of some of the most creatively, socially and sexually progressive minds of the time, including Truman Capote, Harry Belafonte and Lena Horne. He would ultimately find the popular dance trends of the time unsatisfying, eventually choreographing his own productions that embraced his signature style-over-technique inclinations, which often included a formal, straight-legged, graceful ballet lower half, while the dancer’s upper limbs would fluctuate in a wild, contemporary, bop-jazz style madness. Ailey found a home for these nontraditional performances when he opened the Alvin Ailey Dance theater, which became known for its multiracial cast, its use of gospel and blues music in performances (incredibly rare 1950s theater), and a keen eye for emerging cultural movements, which can be seen in all the way through to its use of hip-hop in the 1980s, a decade that would see Ailey’s untimely death at 58 from AIDS.

By Josiah M. Hesse

As the struggles for racial and sexual equality continue today, we’re taking a moment to look at the brave LGBT African-Americans who helped alter the course of history for the better, advancing the rights and public perception of minorities who clearly had so much to offer, yet were dismissed, ridiculed and even assaulted when they spoke up. Many of these great icons are no longer with us today, and while there is nothing we can do to change the struggles they endured in the past, we hope to honor them and inspire future leaders by telling their stories and treasuring their memory. Josephine Baker Brazenly introducing silliness and sex into the entertainment world of the early 20th Century, Josephine Baker was not only a legend of song and dance, but also an early lighthouse of feminism, racial equality, sexual expression and triumph over adversity. Homeless by the age of 12 and living off scraps on the streets of St. Louis, Baker traveled to New York City, becoming a rising star of the Harlem Renaissance, eventually relocating to Paris where she established herself the highest-paid, most-photographed woman in the world. She captured the French imagination with her charming voice and nearly-nude erotic dancing, resplendent in a jiggling skirt of phallic-looking bananas – exhoticized, but at the same time challenging the European mores surrounding race and gender in “proper” society as a powerful sexual icon who was black, something that would not yet have been possible in the U.S. In Paris she could not only indulge her taste for the company of both males and females, but was free from the oppressive Jim Crow laws of her native country. During return visits to the States, Baker would be forced to enter the halls she performed in through the servants’ entrance and would be harassed on the street for being a black woman in fine clothing. Years later in a television interview, Baker recalled “one day, among many, I was leaving a hotel and I came upon a

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E. Lynn Harris Just look at the popularity of tales like Romeo and Juliet, Requiem for A Dream or Boys Don’t Cry, and it becomes apparent – we love our stories about tragedy. And there are few richer sources for heartrending tragedy than those of closeted LGBT persons in the dark novels of Everette Lynn Harris. Following a suicide attempt at the age of 35, Harris began channeling his struggles into a world of fiction, writing invisible Life, a novel about a black attorney’s explosive love triangle between his married male lover and his girlfriend, coming to terms with race, sexuality and class inside the unforgiving world of New York City. Also a classic rags-to-riches American Dream story, Harris began selling his debut novel from the trunk of his car after receiving a number of rejection letters – in the coming years he would end up with ten books on the New York Times Bestseller list, before succumbing to heart disease in 2009. Barbara Smith Within the Civil Rights and anti-war movements, there were currents of gender inequality to face down as well – women otherwise relegated to getting coffee or typing up letters while the men did all the thinking and talking, even in some activist circles. Coinciding with the great movements of the 1960s onward was second wave feminism, lead in part by black lesbian feminist Barbara Smith, whose work as an essayist, publisher and lecturer is known to history as opening new channels of thought and perspective, within the black community and society as a whole, for young black women. Noted for coining the term “identity politics,” Smith commented in a 2000 interview on her image as a radical feminist “What I really feel is radical is trying to make coalitions with people who are different from you. I feel it is radical to be dealing with race and sex and class and sexual identity all at one time. I think that is really radical because it has never been done before.” ] See more in our February 20 issue.

February 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

FooD FoR ThoUGhT

Catch up with Kachina Southwestern Grill By Jeffrey Steen Once upon a time, a chemical magician helmed the restaurant in The Westin in Westminster. His name: Denver’s Ian Kleinman. O’s Steak and Seafood, as it was then called, primarily billed itself as an upscale take on classic surf and turf, though it also dabbled in serious molecular gastronomy. On both fronts it was worthy of a spot in high-end Westin environs. As of May 2012, however, O’s closed its doors – with Kleinman long since called to other projects. But where one restaurant passes, another emerges. Indeed, the turnaround was remarkable: September of the same year took the esteemed hotel a hop, skip, and a leap from what once was; out of the history of O’s came Kachina, a Southwestern grill, bar, and restaurant. I ate at Kachina recently. And I ate. And I ate. And I ate some more. And with every savory, eye-popping dish that ushered from recesses of the kitchen, I sucked on a margarita. OK, two margaritas. And a Mexican coffee – treated with tequila. The trouble with Kachina is not that it fails to offer something you’d expect, but that it entices all too well with a flavor palette touching in part on modernity, and in part on flavorstudded tradition. At the start of the meal – and throughout, as a matter of fact – guests have the privilege of sampling a tamale from the meandering tamale cart, complete with your choice of vegetarian or pork green chile, aged Cheddar, and zingy pico. Be warned, however: each one is $5.

While tamales ring of the old, there are new treats in store, from appetizers through comida, or entrées. My favorites: the tempurabattered avocado fries that towered above the Shrimp Tostada. Sure, the shrimp were tasty in their buttermilk dressing, but I think I would rather have enjoyed a plate of lusty avocado fries with citrus aïoli and skip the iceberg-bedded shrimp. Though hats off and tongues wagging to the inimitable Colorado Sea Bass: two flaky white fillets hugged by red chile, a kicking poblano pesto, and large chunks of immaculately braised, subtly-flavored fennel. I’ll bet you’ve never paired fennel and sea bass, eh? Neither have I. Other of the do-not-miss centerpieces on the menu are the Navajo Tacos; with seven varieties sporting deftly slow-braised stars like lamb and calabacitas tucked into folded fry bread, these are more filling than you’d imagine. I ordered three, and with an app and some margs to preface, I’d say I was pushing the limits of even a healthy appetite. If you get one, get the Mojave – a sultry combo of duck confit, pickled cactus, and manchego that tickles the tongue. Then, dessert – if you make you make it that far, which I barely did. I leave you with only two suggestions worthy of over-indulgence. Custard fans rejoice in the Coconut Flan, cut with rapier perfection by a blood orange syrup. Sweet tooths, however, have only one choice in front of them: the Cookies and Cream. It’s a Mexican fair on a plate, with wedding cake cookies and churro-esque funnel cake paired with Ibarra ice cream, and a Key lime crème anglaise.

FEbRUARy 6, 13 | outfrontonlinE.com

Stick that in your Mexican coffee and drink it. The cookies, that is. Which reminds me: order a margarita. Nothing fancy, or outlandish – just a house marg. There’s not a hint of chemical manipulation in the glass. ]

The Melting Pot 2707 W. Main Street, Littleton, CO 80120 • (303)-794-5666 MeltingPot.com

Hamburger Mary’s 700 East 17th Avenue Denver, CO 80203 • (303) 832-1333 HamburgerMarys.com/denver

Located at 10600 Westminster Blvd. Online at KachinaGrill.com.

Las Margaritas 1035 East 17th Avenue Littleton, CO 80218 • (303) 830-2199 LasMargs.com

WHAT’S IN A NAME? When I first heard of Kachina, my mind went to the piddly Italian I learned eons ago. “Kachina” sounds much like a cognate of “cucina,” which of course, is Italian for “kitchen.” Turns out I was way off. Kachina are actually Native American spirits in doll form. They can represent anything from the natural world to an element like wind. In Kachina’s case, I’m betting there’s a spirit out there for the quintessential margarita and the ultimate Navajo taco.

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Serioz Pizzeria 1336 East 17th Avenue Denver, CO 80218 • (303) 997-7679 SeriozPizza.com

Little Dragon 1305 Krameria Street, G Denver CO 80220 • 303-322-2128 LittleDragonDenver.com

Stay connected & up to date facebook.com/charlies.denver

900 East Colfax denver colorado www.charliesdenver.com 303 839 8890

FEbRUARy 6, 2013 | outfrontonlinE.com

HIGH SOCIETY

4 9

Top NetFlix films to cuddle up with next to your sweetheart Ballet MasterWorks

By Steve Cruz

The last throes of winter are upon us, and if the chill keeps you inside, here are 10 LGBT films worth checking out. Picking awesome films from the vast archives of NetFlix was simple – whittling it down to just 10, was torture. Instead of rehashing popular picks, the list below features films that should be seen, but might be overlooked. That means trimming the list to eliminate widely-known films, including favorites such as Brokeback Mountain, Bound, Shortbus, The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls In Love, Priscilla: Queen of the Desert, Boys Don’t Cry, Boys In The Band and Philadelphia. If you haven’t seen these – do – because your lexicon of LGBT film is lacking.

February 22 – March 3 Ellie Caulkins Opera House 1101 13th Street Denver, CO 80204 More info: http://coloradoballet.org (303) 893-4100

Here are 10 wonderful survivors, listed alphabetically: 1. Aimée & Jaguar (1999, drama, Germany) It is 1943 and a housewife and mother of four, whose husband is fighting for Hitler’s reich, falls in love with a Jewish journalist. Beautifully realized and well acted, this was one of my favorite films of the year when it was released. 2. Another Country (1984, drama, UK) Rupert Everett and Colin Firth star in this adaptation of a play based on two real characters in Britan’s upper-crust college system. Cary Elwes is a total heart-stealer in this lavish production, Firth was not yet an A-lister, and Rupert Everett was not yet bitter. 3. Beautiful Boxer (2004, biopic, Thailand) A topdrawer film based on the life story of Parinya Charoenphol, a champion Muaythai boxer who sexually transitioned. Told with honor and incredible beauty, this film is a revelation.

4. Bedrooms & Hallways (1998, romantic comedy, UK) Scottish dreamboat Kevin McKidd (before he became boss in Grey’s Anatomy and fierce in Rome) plays Leo, a likable lad, who joins a upscale suburban men’s awareness group and trips up expectations when he clicks with another member. 5. Christopher and His Kind (2011, biopic, UK) Matt Smith (Dr. Who) delivers a sparkling performance as writer Christopher Isherwood and his first visit to Berlin in 1931, where gay society openly flourished. We meet second-rate lounge singer Jean Ross, upon whom Sally Bowles of Cabaret is based. Made for TV, there is a lot of nudity and sexual activity… America has far to go. 6. Desert Hearts (1985, romance, USA) This film is in the canon of many lesbian film fans, but younger women and gay

men may not know it. This film is a tenderly told and beautifully filmed story of a woman’s sexual awakening in 1950s Nevada. 7. His Secret Life (2001, drama, Italy) After an opening scene involving probably the worst-everfilmed auto/pedestrian accident, this story of a happily married man’s secret life comes to light when his wife traces the origins of a painting she finds among his effects. The inhabitants of his “other life” embrace her and she them, as their stories unfold. 8. Ma Vie En Rose (1997, drama, Belgium) Ludovic was born a boy, but insists it is a mistake. It’s a quandary the family can handle, but when they move to a new neighborhood where dad has a new job, the adult response is to freak out. The film features incredible fantasy sequences and a thoroughly satisfying ending.

February 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

9. Queer As Folk (1999, situational comedy, UK) This original British version of QAF consists of eight masterfully composed episodes. It was the #2 most watched BBC program, after Charles & Diana’s wedding, and the #1 most complained about. BBC immediately aired it again and ordered two follow-up episodes. The characters develop and define, and the story arcs are brilliant – vastly different from the “primetime soap” treatment in the U.S. version. 10. Were The World Mine (2008, musical, USA): An indie romantic fantasy featuring topnotch singing and a handsome, talented cast. A gay student at a boy’s school discovers a magic potion that turns people gay. ] More High Society? 2012 Marlowe Awards: ^ http://ofcnow.co/vz9

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Ballet Nouveau CO. (Wonderbound) with Paper Bird: “Carry On” February 16 PACE Center 20000 Pikes Peak Avenue Parker, CO 80138 More info: http://PACEcenteronline.org For more information on how to get your event listed, please call 303-477-4000

February 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

DiVe

‘‘

Facebook.com/S

ic arahSlatonMus

“Everybody’s gone through tough real life experiences, including myself, and just I’m blessed that I can just play through it all.” – Sarah Slaton

Photos courtesy

la: So then what happened? SS: I eventually started playing more shows, and then I ended up going to school for entertainment management. Slaton is in the business of entertainment management, working for an artist management and booking firm in Denver, Vinefield. la: How did you end up in colorado, let alone in the Denver music scene? SS: Well I came out here in 2008 for college, I wanted to study entertainment management. I came onto the scene when I was an intern for Live Nation. Since then I’ve played with various artists, including Denver’s own Coles Whalen. la: So would you consider yourself more of musician, or an entertainment manager? SS: I first and foremost consider myself an artist. But I also really, really have a passion for the way that music works. At first, I was in awe of it all.

Singer/songwriter

Sarah Slaton’s stirring serenades By Lauren Archuletta

Honest. Soulful. Captivating. All could describe singer/songwriter Sarah Slaton’s music. The 26-year-old out musician has been making heads turn in the Denver music scene with her almost haunting lyrics and guitar chords. Originally from Arkansas, Slaton both sings and plays the guitar with the capability to draw you in, both chilling you to the bone and warming you from the inside out simultaneously. I first noticed this when I was walking through Denver’s Golden Triangle neighborhood, rushing to catch the 16th Street Free Mall Ride, and I slowed down as Slaton’s “Be Somebody” rang through my headphones. Something about the words she was singing hit me, seemingly matching and capturing the exact mood I was having after a long day. Smiling, I ran down the street, settled into a Starbucks and, sipping on a café au lait, called Slaton to talk about her upcoming Feb. 22 concert with Hannah Georgas and a slew of other things. lauren arcHuleTTa: your music is incredible, you’re extremely talented. How early did you start playing? SaraH SlaTon: Not until I was about 16 or so. I was an athlete my whole life; I played basketball in high school. So in my senior year or so I would sneak home and teach myself to play the guitar. la: Why did you feel like you had to hide your talent? SS: I was afraid to let anyone know that I played, so it wasn’t until I went to college that I got up the courage to perform at my first open mic night.

February 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

la: So how do you distance one from another, playing the music and managing it? SS: I get to see a really wide spectrum of the whole experience. Like yesterday, I was with Justin Bieber and his manager at the Ogden until after 2 a.m. I’ve worked with artists like Adele, Andrew Bird, Lady Gaga. I recently spent a whole day with [the band] fun. So that’s a huge side that I deal with. But at the same time I feel like if I were ever to become more successful, like playing some arena for a big crowd, I know how different I would be. Some artists can be kind of crazy. It’s funny, though, because I already consider myself successful, because I get to play music whenever I want. la: So since you consider yourself an artist first, your music and the quality of it must be extremely vital to you. What does playing your music or singing do for you? SS: Well, I really just play whatever ends up coming out. But I guess you could say that it ends up kid of being therapy for me. Everybody’s gone through tough real life experiences, including myself, and just I’m blessed that I can just play through it all. la: you’re a big part of Denver’s music scene, but how about with the lGbT community? SS: (laughing) I’m as gay as the day is long. I’ve been gay ever since I saw Bring It On. Just kidding, I’ve been gay since I was born, but that was really my defining moment. I live with a girlfriend up in the Highlands, and I’ve also participated in a lot of PRIDE events. I’ve been to Dallas, Kansas City, Tampa. I guess I’m your typical U-Haul lesbian. la: So let’s talk about the upcoming performance. Have you ever performed with Hannah Georgas before this show? SS: No, I’ve actually never even met her. I know the booking agency that Hannah is with, and the promoter in town was looking for someone for her to perform with, so I thought it would be a good fit. ]

Slaton will be performing with Hannah Georgas and Desert Noises at 8 p.m., Feb. 22 at the Hi Dive. The show is 21 and up and tickets are $10. For more info, visit http://ofcnow.co/zeS. Other artists that Slaton has performed with recently include: Chely Wright, Kristy Lee, Matt Morris and various others. She has also performed at sold-out venues such as Red Rocks Amphitheater, South by Southwest and the Underground Music Showcase. Her upcoming performance with Georgas at the Hi Dive is sure to be one for the books. A free EP of Sarah’s music can be found at Sarahslaton.bandcamp.com. You can find out for yourself just how captivating her songs are, as you let her drag you into her truthful melodies.

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Liâ€™l Devils

Photos by Charles Broshous

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February 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

LGBT Bar Listings

Denver

Aqua Lounge • 1417 Krameria St. (720) 287.0584 • AquaLoungeDenver.com Covered patio, live entertainment, trivia, poker, karaoke, $2.50 happy hour M-F Barker Lounge • 475 Santa Fe Dr. (303) 778.0545 Patio, old Hollywood themed, neighborhood bar

Compound • 145 N Broadway (303) 722.7977 • CompoundDenver.com Neighborhood dance bar with edge, weekend beer bust Coco Breeze Lounge • 539 W. 43rd Ave. http://ofcnow.co/pob 18 and up, mixed crowd, dance floor

Lannie’s Clocktower Cabaret • 1601 Arapahoe St. (303) 293.0075 • Lannies.com Burlesque, comedy shows, appetizers, desserts Li’l Devils •255 S. Broadway (303) 733.1156 • lildevilslounge.com Dancing, video bar, mixed crowd

Black Crown Lounge • 1446 S. Broadway (720) 353.4701 • BlackCrownLounge.com Piano lounge, tapas and brunch, patio, live music

Decatur St. Grill • 800 Decatur St. (303) 825.4521 • Decaturbar.wordpress.com Pool table, poker, smoking patio, women

Tracks • 3500 Walnut St. (303) 863.7326 • TracksDenver.com LGBT dance club, BAD first Fridays, DJ, live performers

bLush Coffee, Bar & Lounge • 1526 E. Colfax Ave. (303) 484.8548 • BlushBarDenver.com Bar, coffee, lounge, pool

Denver Eagle • 3600 Blake St. (303) 291.0250 • TheEagleBar.com Leather, fetish, darts, heavy pours

The Bar • 554 S. Broadway Ave. (303) 733.0122 • ItsTheBar.com Burlesque, bingo, dance parties and comedy

Eden • 3090 Downing St. (720) 545-4055 • EdenDenver.com Women’s lounge, patio, healthy bar food, vegetarian, gluten free

Wrangler • 1700 Logan St. (303) 837.1075 • DenverWrangler.com Men’s bar, patio, leather Fridays, pool tables, beer bust, darts, “Sweet Dance”

El Potrero • 320 S Birch St. (303) 388.8889 • ElPotreroDenver.com Mexican restaurant, patio, club, live shows

X Bar • 629 E Colfax Ave. (303) 832.2687 • XbarDenver.com LGBT bar, karaoke, Drag Queen brunch, BINGO, DJ, beer bust, patio, food

Boyztown • 117 Broadway (303) 722.7373 • BoyzTownDenver.com Male strippers Broadways • 1027 Broadway (303) 623.0700 • BroadwaysDenver.com Neighborhood sports bar, weekend beer busts, BINGO, trivia, outdoor patio Charlie’s • 900 E Colfax Ave. (303) 839.8890 • CharliesDenver.com Western and pop dance club, weekend beer busts, live music Club M • 700 E 17th Ave. (303) 832.1333 • HamburgerMarys.com/denver Karaoke, BINGO, trivia, drag, live DJ bar

Hamburger Mary’s • 700 E 17th Ave. (303) 832.1333 • HamburgerMarys.com/denver Great food, big patio, weekend brunch, big screen TV’s, mixed crowd

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February 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

Choice City Shots • 124 LaPorte St. (970) 221.4333 ChoiceCityShots.com Mixed crowd, karaoke, poker, DJ, dancin’

Pueblo

Pirate’s Cove • 105 Central Plaza (719) 543.2683 • MySpace.com/Pirates Cove1, Local bar, mixed crowd

CO. Springs

Bubbles Nightclub • 1010 E Fillmore Ave. (719) 473.0177 • BubblesCos.com LGBT nightclub, DRAG WORLD, karaoke, poker, big screen TVs

Club Q • 3430 N Academy Blvd. (719) 570.1429 • ClubqOnline.com 18 and up, Military appreciation night, drag show, pool, darts, beer pong, ladies night The Underground • 110 N Nevada Ave. (719) 578.7771 • UndergroundBars.com, Pub style, BINGO, poker, karaoke, food, beer bust

healthy HAPPY PROUD

REdMangoeastcolfax 2504 E. Colfax NEAR TATTERED COVER/FILMCENTER OPEN DAILY 11AM-10PM

Fort Collins

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bar rag New LGBT bar, Coco Breeze presents Denver’s only 18 and up bar

LUSH: Cheers to your health! By Ashley Trego

It has been rumored that alcohol is generally bad for your health. I’m here to debate this evil hearsay, but before I begin my rant I will concede to the fact that perhaps in the throws of wild consumption and over indulgence on a regular basis, the rumor may hold some truth. Nonetheless, I feel that when alcohol and self-control are in harmonious juxtaposition, the drink can actually lend itself to good health. One way to achieve that is by being conscious about what you’re adding to your drinks. Being as I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV, the following list is not an excuse to override your doctor’s recommendations or toss responsibility and reason out the window. It’s mere thoughts and suggestions to help you, at the very least, feel good about it when you imbibe. Green tea – we have all heard how healthy greet tea is and it is so true. Green tea is packed with antioxidants and polyphenols and is beneficial for everything from weight loss to high blood pressure to depression. What better a reason to invite some friends over for a tea party and enjoy some tea either hot or on the rocks with a little mandarin vodka or even the delicious Zen Greet Tea Liqueur. Coffee – In addition to being one of the tastiest and most delightfully aromatic beverages out there, coffee is full of antioxidants and is thought to have preventative properties against everything from Parkison’s disease to liver cancer. One of my favorite coffee cocktails is with a half shot each of Kahlua and Royal Combier orange infused Cognac, mmmmmmm! Pomegranate juice – eating pomegranates as a fruit is pretty much a pain in the ass, but the juice is easily obtainable and can be good for lots of different things including prevention of dental plaque, protection against prostate cancer and beneficial to neonatal brain development. Next time you make martinis try this bright red and very tasty juice to make your cocktail a little more health conscious. Honey – Oh honey. This sweet nectar of the bees is one of those edible treats that you can’t go wrong with. It is an anti-bacterial, can aid in preventing ulcers, is excellent for

seasonal allergies, and can even enhance athletic performance. That Winnie the Pooh was on to something with his obsessive honey addiction. Try using honey in place of sugar or simple syrup next time you make margaritas, etc. Ginger – Ginger was not only the red headed bombshell on Gilligans Island, but also one of my favorite ingredients of all time. This sweet and spicy root is good for so many different ailments from seasickness, to ovarian cancer to migraines, menstrual cramp relief and freshening of stinky breath. You can get your ginger in all different forms from root, to powder, to juice to delicious ginger beer to wine. One of the tastiest ginger libations that I have ever had was in Jamaica where they mix spicy ginger ale with Stone’s Ginger Wine, a delicious ginger based wine that comes from England. Lemon juice – Have you ever wondered why the addition of lemon to water is such an age old tradition? Well, apart from the pleasant tart sweetness that it adds, lemon is one of the most beneficial things that you can do for your liver. Alcohol is acidic and we need a balance of alkalinity and acidity to maintain proper health. It goes back to that whole yin (meaning acidic and energy depleting) and yong (which is alkaline and energizing)business. So, add lemon to water each morning and night or make some lemon drop martinis using lots of freshly squeezed lemon juice and feel good about boozing it up in a more balanced way. Happy New Year and cheers to your health! ]

[ [ Social ] ]

Coco Breeze Lounge & Cafe, Denver’s only 18 and up gay bar seven days a week, opened its doors with a weekend long celebration Jan. 3 through Jan. 6. The venue offered no cover all weekend, as well as free drinks from 8-11 p.m., a free buffet and live entertainment. While the 18 and over feature is undoubtedly one of the new bar’s most prominent features, Coco Breeze Lounge & Cafe offers features and drink specials on several nights of the week. Splash Thursdays feature $1 cocktails, wine and beer until 11 p.m., as well as $3 “sexy shots” all night; Enchanted Fridays will feature a drag review with the Coco Breeze GoGo galaxy dancers, and everyone will receive free drinks until 11 p.m.; on Tryst Saturdays customers can enjoy $2 cocktails until 11 p.m. and and $4 Vegas bombs while listening to the beats of Denver’s favorite DJ Rockstar Aaron; and finally, on Sunday Havana Nights feature drag shows with $2 cocktails, wine and beer until midnight and $3 sexy shots all night. Coco Breeze Lounge & Cafe is located at 539 W. 43rd Ave., and open from 4 p.m. to 4 a.m., so both 18+ and 21+ patrons can enjoy the atmosphere. Parking is available both in the Coco Lounge parking lot, as well as on the street. ]

For more information about joining the party at Coco Breeze, visit http://ofcnow.co/pob.

Li’l Devils Lounge features a new haven for LGBT patrons on South Broadway Li’l Devils Lounge celebrated their grand opening on Dec. 29. The newest gay establishment located in 225 S. Broadway, has taken over the former location of Denver’s Barker Lounge. Tony Fleith, owner of Li’l Devils Lounge, worked for the Barker Lounge for six years and wanted to keep the bar scene alive in the same location. Originally planning to apply for a cabaret and tavern liquor license, Fleith instead chose to extend the location’s current tavern license, choosing to obtain temporary permits for a few special occasion events per year. The newest addition to Denver’s night life, Li’l Devils features an extensive music video library, with choices ranging from top 40 to country, including current and past collections. Hoping to cater to customers, Fleith and his staff are also willing to show any particular sporting events occurring on any given day. Li’l Devils is located near two RTD stops: the “0″ bus line and the Alameda Light Rail station. These convenient locations make it easy for customers to come in and enjoy any of the eight beers the Li’l Devils have on tap, or any of their seasonal drinks and specialty cocktails. Fleith and his staff encourage everyone in Denver and surrounding areas to come on by, remove your angel wings and be naughty once in a while. ]

For more information on Li’l Devils Lounge, visit LilDevilsLounge.com.

February 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

radioactive vision

Our energizer granny

‘

Nuclia Waste

... when Momma Waste comes for a visit, she cannot sit still. Even at the age of 73, she still runs around like a mad woman organizing drawers, rearranging so much in our house it takes me weeks to find them again.

February 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

‘

[ [ Social ] ]

Momma Waste is here for a visit. When we discovered that Frontier Airlines was a having a $100 round-trip special from St. Louis to Denver, Mr. Waste and I decided to treat my mother to a trip to Denver for her birthday. Now some people dread visits from their relatives, especially their moms. Not us. Our house has never been cleaner. You see, when Momma Waste comes for a visit, she cannot sit still. Even at the age of 73, she still runs around like a mad woman organizing drawers, rearranging so much in our house it takes me weeks to find them again. So far she has: • Cleaned out both our refrigerator AND our freezer. All our mold experiments are gone. • Dusted every leaf on every plant in the house – and it’s a terrarium in here. The Denver Botanic Gardens have nothing on us. • Cleaned every single blind on every window in our two-story house. Then she cleaned the floors to pick up the dust that fell off all those blinds. Now, we do tell her to just sit back and relax while she is here. “Enjoy some time with your granddogs.” “Kick back and watch some movies on Netflix.” But she insists she needs to get her chores done, even if they are OUR chores. Well, you just can’t fight momma. So instead, I just line up chores for her to do each day. It’s the least I can do, right?

And to be fair, we are taking her out to dinner, a symphony concert and some movies while she is here. She is being rewarded for her chore work. Momma Waste just retired a few months ago from her job. Yes, even at 72 years old she has been cashiering at the cafeteria in our local hospital. Before that she was a waitress at the nearby river casino. People always ask me where I get all my energy. Now I know. I tried to get her to relax by playing some games on my iPad. “Boy, you can really waste a lot of time doing this,” was her reply. When you come from a family of 16 kids living on a farm in Canada, there was always something to do. Cows to milk, chickens to feed, dirty hands to wipe up. You just didn’t have time to sit around and play games. Besides being the incarnation of the Energizer bunny, Momma Waste has also become a rabid texter. My niece got my mom a cell phone and taught her to text, and she has not put down the keypad since. For someone who has never owned or used a computer, it’s quite a shock to get a text from my mom. She has become a texting fiend. The grandkids love it. Momma Waste heads back home in a few days. Our clean house will be sad to see her go. And so will we. ]

Nuclia Waste can be reached through her website at NucliaWaste. com. For more related editorials by Nuclia, visit ofcnow.co/Hx9.

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Denver’s classiest consignment store for men carries overstock merchandise from top brands – the likes of Armani and Oxxford and more – plus a wide inventory of second-hand clothes that look and fit as classy and professional as brand-new with their reasonably-priced tailoring on site. It’s the perfect destination for the professional upgrade or long-overdue refresh of a languishing wardrobe for a bargain. While you’re at it, bring in your old suit and see what it’s worth to somebody else! Stop by to scan the selection for anything you need; you just may find yourself coming back, and back, and back – only a fool pays more than he needs to. ] Dress4Less Clothiers is at 3045 S. Broadway, Englewood, Colorado 80110, or learn more at D4less.net.

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February 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

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[ REAL ESTATE ]

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February 6, 13 | outfrontonline.com

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[ REAL ESTATE ]

[ WORSHIP ]

The United Church of Christ, Whoever you are and wherever you are on life’s journey, you are welcome here. To locate a church near you, go to: www.ucc.org/ﬁnd/

February 6, 2013 | outfrontonLine.com

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2(X)ist – tartan no show brief shop.2xist.com – $20 2(X) IST’s low-rising briefs offer a supportive ultracontoured pouch and an updated, patterned waistband with a graphic logo, and a soft-flex cotton and spandex blend to keep you supported and stylish.

victoria’s secret Pink allover Lace thong victoriassecret.com – $9.50 Get a no-show look – even under your tightest clothes – with this barely-there thong. The prettiest panty yet, in soft, seamless lace for your flirtiest looks. Low rise, nylon/spandex fabric and available in 10 colors and patterns.

emporio armani Lilla Cotton stretch boyshort Panty Herroom.com – $12 This boyshort panty is made of a cotton/spandex blend for breathability and unrestricted comfort. With a wide elastic waistband featuring an embossed Armani wing logo, and mid-rise styling to cover more of your tummy, these designer brand undies are the perfect fit for style and comfort.

Calvin klein – essentials Lace bikini Calvinklein.com – $20 Calvin Klein underwear are as classic as the rest of their clothing line. The essentials lace bikini has a full cotton gusset, a mini logo tab, lace trim and a flawless fit to ensure your comfort and sex appeal is apparent under your clothes, and un-noticeable on the outside. ]

[ [ Living ] ]

February 6, 13 | outfrontonLine.com

real estate

5 most expensive cities in America By Jeff Hammerberg

5. Honolulu, Hawaii. Honolulu primarily because it is such an isolated place and is surrounded by beautiful tropical scenery and open water. At $516,000.00 home values here have not taken the hit that homes have in the mainland over the past 4-5 years.

4. Stamford, Connecticut. Stamford happens to be a very beautiful city with average home price of $555,000.00. Stamford is in the Bridgeport-StamfordNorwalk Metro area, part of the Greater New York metro area.

3. San Jose California. Once again it is right on the coast line, has beautiful scenery with an amazing year round climate, and an average home price around $721,000.00.

2. San Francisco, California. San Francisco is one of the largest and most diverse cities – a true entrepreneurial spirit flourishes, in addition to it being one of America’s power house cities, it attracts tons of tourism. The average home price in the bay area is more than $800,000.00 dollars.

And number one on the list of the most expensive cities to buy a home is New York City, New York. New York has the most expensive verage home price at 1.27 million dollars. ]

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Join 2020 Lawrence and Denver Gay Profressionals for beer, wine and hors d’oeuvres on February 20, 2013 from 5:30pm to 8pm. Expand your networking opportunities while enjoying 2020’s multi-faceted lifestyle. Denver Gay Professionals’ mission is to continually provide a highly-creative and social networking environment for our community. Visit denvergayprofessionals.com for more information.

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February 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

[ [ Living ] ]

Parenting

The level of love As we celebrate the month of love, couples are professing their love for one another and all the lovely reasons why they do. Singles are in search of that one they can make their special someone. Parents are putting together love packages to give to their little ones as an expression of their love, but why do we love who we love?

‘

Jasmine Peters

Being in love with the thought of love is exciting, but to love someone takes hard work, communication, patience, acceptance and endurance. Even as a parent.

‘

Difference between “in love” and love Parents often say that they love their children, and rightfully so. When asked why, they are able to ramble off: how cute they are, how smart they are, how excited they are about the things their child is doing, but do you love your children for who they are? Of course when I gave birth to each one of my children, I fell in love with them, but it wasn’t until I developed a relationship with my children that I realized how much I really loved each one of them for who they were. Five different personalities, five different reflections of me, five opportunities to contribute to the betterment of humanity, most importantly five individuals who would become their own person with me as their guide, their parent. Being in love with the thought of love is exciting, but to love someone takes hard work, communication, patience, acceptance and endurance. Even as a parent. A Parent’s Love Varies There are different kinds of love. The love I have for my family and friends is not the same love that I have for strangers. The love that I have for my children is not the same love that I have for my partner. No matter what level of love I have for any individual all depends on the work that I have put into that relationship and yes, that includes my children. With five children, the level of love I have for each

one of them varies. Why? Because of the things I have been through in my life with them has been different and the amount of time I have had the opportunity to parent each one of my children is different as well. That doesn’t mean that I have a favorite or that I love one more than the other. It is the bond that has been created in our relationship that defines the level of love I have for them. They taught me how to love The hurtful losses. The exciting celebrations. The frustrations, pain, joys and tears, they (my children) have been there. Each one of my children has shown me how to love myself more and more. Each one of them have taught me life lessons that would have taken a long time to learn IF I were to learn them at all had I had not had them. Each one of them loved me when I couldn’t and didn’t love myself. Each one of them saved my life. As I am better able to love myself, I am able to give more love. Understand, you can only give what you have and if you don’t have love for yourself, how can you give love to anyone else? Although your intentions might be to love your children, make sure that you love yourself first, so that you can love them. Understand the difference of love and in love. Love them for who they are not what they are doing or have become. What a privilege and honor to love and be loved. ] Jasmine Peters is the founder of Parenting Wellness Center, a certified Life Coach, an ordained non-denominational pastor, author and single parent of five. Reach her through her website ParentingWell nessCenter.com. To read more related articles by Jasmine, visit ofcnow.co/ijZ.

[ [ Living ] ]

February 6, 13 | outfrontonLine.com

big ToyS

A Paradigm Shift

Audi and Toyota meet different expectations By Jonathan McGrew Thought of buying a new car? Some of us think about it many times a week: that excitement of buying something shiny and new, signifying a change in our status or Audi S5 Coupe

require a little investigation. Let’s take the 2013 Audi S5 Coupe and the 2012 Toyota Prius V (yes, you can get one in a 2013 model, too). We recently tested both and it snowed both times! That’s Colorado weather for you; but the weather Toyota Prius V

fortune. For others it’s just about getting where you need to go as cheaply and efficiently as possible. At opposite ends of the spectrum are Audi and Toyota, which

didn’t strike us as much as the different driving and ownership experiences. Looking at the Audi S5 first, there isn’t a lot not to like about this car. Our test

car, priced at about $67K, was adorned in Ibis White and came complete with the Prestige option group and the Driver Assist package. This S5 is at the top of the range and has all the leather and technology you would expect including adaptive cruise control, blind spot monitoring, navigation and Bluetooth phone and audio integration. More importantly, the S5 represents the sister car to the A5 coupe and offers 333 hp and a 0-60 time of 4.9 seconds (1.3 seconds faster than the A5). At 21 mpg combined this isn’t a car you buy for economy; you buy this car for personal gratification, performance, outstanding engineering and status. At the other end of the gamut is the Toyota Prius V, a very different animal that requires a shift in thinking. Our test car, priced at about $37K, offers economy, room and a sense for many that they are subscribing to the future of sustainable driving. Of course you get technol-

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February 6, 2013 | outfrontonLine.com

[ [ Living ] ]

ogy and luxury because Toyota knows their customers don’t want to give up the niceties to have a vehicle that has an EPA estimated 44 mpg in the city and 40 mpg on the highway. And with the Prius V you will have the largest Prius model (think station wagon) with cargo room that challenges many mid-size crossovers like the Nissan Rogue or Ford Escape. Economy is this cars motto and that means a very different experience at 134 net horsepower and a 0-60 time of 10.4 seconds. These two vehicles represent the best technology at each end of the spectrum. The Audi is all-wheel drive, hugs the road and gives you a visceral reaction. Yes, you will meet Smokey Bear if you aren’t careful with your right foot. The Prius V excels in getting from point A to point B using as little resources as possible while still providing navigation, leather, heated seats and adaptive cruise. It drives nicely, but isn’t as connected to the road or as inspiring in the excitement department. Bottom-line – it’s not the features that set these cars apart, it’s how you want to use them. ]

^ For more auto, visit ofcnow.co/Siw.

baCK in THe Day

From Out Front Colorado’s July 31, 1987 issue …

ith the pending passage of Colorado’s Civil Union Act, same-sex couples in the state will soon have access to most of the state-level rights and responsibilities of marriage. Some employers already extend benefits to employees’ same-sex partners, and state employees will soon receive them too. Colorado prohibits discrimination against LGBT people in public accommodations, housing and employment, and at the national level, the Supreme Court is set to rule this year, for the first time ever, on marriage equality cases. As we all know, these things weren’t always true. On July 31, 1987, Out Front published a story about a California couple who were among the first to take action over their relationships’ legal standing. Boyce Hinman and Larry Beaty, together for 16 years in 1987 and considering themselves married,

tallied some of the benefits they’d miss out on – potentially hundreds of thousands of dollars – because their relationship was invisible to the law. They took a case over employee dental coverage to the state’s Supreme Court – and lost – but not without making their mark. “Despite the victories, being gay and married but not legally recognized costs them money every step of the way,” the story read, “discrimination as blatant as women earning 61 cents on the dollar. Almost everything costs more.” What a long way we’ve come. Hinman and Beaty continued to fight equality cases, and eventually married in California in 2008. In 1987, Lethal Weapon and Dirty Dancing were top films and The Simpsons made their TV debut. Republican George H.W. Bush was president, and Democrat Roy Romer was governor of Colorado. ]

Back in MY day … Got a story, memory or reflection to share from way back when? Let us know about it! Email holly@outfrontonline.com with a story with “back in my day” in the subject line to have it considered for print!

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February 6, 2013 | outfrontonLine.com

SHOW & TELL

Summers appointed to international council

Drag sensation and Denver favorite Jackie Summers was recently appointed to the International Court Council, named Heir Apparent (board member). Known in Denver as Empress 35 of the Imperial Court of the Rocky Mountain Empire, Summers is taking on a bigger role, and is excited to share the news of her appointment with the community. Summers joined the Imperial Court of the Rocky Mountain Empire in 1992, shortly after moving to Denver. She has been consistently involved for almost 20 years with her community. Her recognitions include 1997-1998- Miss Gay Rocky Mountain U.S of A at Large, 2000-2001- ApJackie Summers pointed the 26th Princess Royal of I.C.R.M.E, 20082009- Elected the 35th Empress of all of Northern Colorado, Member of the College of Monarchs, 2010- Present- Appointed to the Board of Directors of the I.C.R.M.E. She is currently serving on the executive board as the Chief Financial Officer. Summers has consistently given back to the Denver and Northern Colorado Community, by emceeing several events as well as hosting numerous functions over the years for organizations such as the Colorado AIDS Project, Rape Assistance Awareness Project, The Alexander Foundation, Childrenâ€™s Hospital and the Denver based Matthew Shephard Foundation, just to name a few. Jackie is extremely honored to be a part of the International Court Council and thanks Empress Nicole the Great for this extreme honor. ]

^ For more info, visit ImpCourt.org.

February 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

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PIX

the Family OUTing at Montclair Recreation Center

Down and Derby at Tracks

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February 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

SeXuaLiTy

Straight girl, gay sex Why some lesbians and straight women like gay male porn After a few months writing this sex feature for Out Front, I’ve feared that some LGBT readers wouldn’t trust a 20-something straight girl who’s been dating the same guy a while now to dig up stories about their sex lives. But I fall into a category you may be surprised is shared by many other straight, bi and By lesbian women: We find gay male porn not only apLauren Archuletta pealing, but also sexier than straight porn.

Yes, even some lesbians like it. This phenomenon isn’t limited to obscure subcultures. If you’ve seen the 2010 comedy film The Kids Are All Right, you’ll remember actresses Juliann Moore and Annette Bening depicting a lesbian couple who have a stash of gay porn videos to help them get off while in bed. In a memorable scene, the ladies are in bed together – lights dimmed and vibrators humming – and they put on a movie that they both mention they haven’t seen in a while. So while the audience is waiting for this luscious lesbian duo to flip on lesbian porn, the people who appear on the screen are none other than two hunky jean-clad men, ready to go for it. After The Kids Are All Right came out, the discussion about women watching gay-male porn has been appearing more and more in the blogs and forums, and conversations amongst my friends. It popped into a recent conversation I was having with a good friend who can only describe herself and her sexuality as “pansexual.” She asked me if I watch a lot of gay porn. Now I wouldn’t say I’ve watched what would amount to days of gay porn, but I have indulged in the occasional clip. I found myself wondering again: What is it about gay male porn that is so enticing to women from all backgrounds and sexual orientations? “I think the more gay porn you watch, the more you understand about male sexuality,” said my dear friend Annie Sugar. “Mostly because men are never really featured in heterosexual porn. Heterosexual porn is often garbage.” Ginger Murray, a blogger for the San Francisco Weekly says women watch gay male porn because

they are “simply turned off by how fake straight porn is.” And she’s right – the majority of straight videos on sites like Youporn or Pornhub are usually plagued by corny music and only capture men on screen from the bellybutton down. Jacob Bernstein, a reporter for the Daily Beast, investigated the theory that women are turned off by the fakeness of straight porn, but added that lesbian porn often has the same problem. In an interview with an anonymous lesbian source, Bernstein uncovered that women often find that lesbian porn seems to be made for the pleasure of male viewers rather than women, not exactly “female friendly” or realistic. “I love the term ‘female friendly’,” Sugar said. “As if somehow sex isn’t friendly to women. You wanna know what kind of porn most lesbians I know watch? Gay male porn. And they write it, too. Sexuality is complex, you can’t put that shit in a box.” Murray offers another possible explanation for why women watch and enjoy gay male porn: Because hot men – and pure, unadulterated, hot sex – can turn us on. She argues that in gay porn there is a multitude of different types of men, from leather daddies to pretty boys. Furthermore, we may not necessarily be attracted to the men themselves, to the display of masculinity associated with gay porn. A final explanation for why watching gay male porn is so exciting for women is that it offers a solution to take the feminist objection to objectification of women – and the women themselves – out of the equation. Murray says that by watching gay male porn, she is able to enjoy the action and also be a part of the play, without actually being involved at all in the sex with the men. She says that gay porn offers her “voyeurism, neurotic fulfillment and hotness” all at once. Along these lines, Bernstein interviewed a straight woman who had recently seen The Kids Are All Right, and said that “with gay porn, we can go there and not think about politics and sexism … there’s something about removing women from the equation that’s freeing.” While so many women reveal that watching gay male porn is common, it’s still hard to pinpoint <why> any specific woman (or man, for that matter) enjoys it. With all of these different ideas and testimonials, we can’t definitively say what turns one woman on and what another is repulsed by. But the notion of women watching gay male porn is not only more socially-acceptable in this day in age, but more commonly talked about. While many people may not understand it, they don’t have to. Like Sugar said, sexuality is complex – and it doesn’t fit easily into a box. ]

^ Email Lauren at Lauren.ofc@gmail.com.

For more related editorials on sexuality, visit ofcnow.co/ltS.

February 6, 2013 | outfrontonLine.com

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aSK THe SeXPerT

Too quick to pull the trigger Hi Shanna,

Shanna Katz

My current partner and I have been engaging in sexual activities for the last 8 months, and every time we either we have intercourse, or I give him head, he lasts (I kid you not) about 30 seconds! It’s so frustrating; I honestly go home and have to masturbate silly! He doesn’t think it’s an issue, but how can I make him last longer? Any help would be great, – Disappointed in Denver

Dear Disappointed in Denver, While not as helpful for solving your issue regarding oral sex, they do make desensitizing lubes and sprays that can help him delay his ejaculation. You could try something like that with him to see if it helps during intercourse in increasing the time between the onset of stimulation and ejaculation. Another idea is to have him masturbate before you play together – either before he comes over for play time or once he’s there; that can take the edge off for him. Different men have different refractory periods (the time between having an orgasm and being able to hold an erection again) that can last from 30 seconds to over an hour – figuring out how long his refractory period is can help you plan your activities. All this being said, if his shorter time to ejaculation is not bothering him, you might want to ask yourself why it is bothering you. It sounds like you are leaving your trysts still sexually frustrated, and while that is certainly no fun, there are ways to change that without changing him. Let him know that you need a little more hands-on work or some lip service, and after he ejaculates (or even before he gets any stimulation), maybe he can manually stimulate you, or provide oral sex, or masturbate alongside you. There are tons of ways to be sexually satisfied that don’t involve having the mystical simultaneous orgasms that seem so popular in porn and erotica, and are actually incredibly rare in the real world. ]

^ Shanna Katz, M.Ed, ACS is a Colorado

native, fierce femme and board certified sexologist. She loves teaching adults how to optimize their sex lives. For more info, please visit ShannaKatz.com or submit an anonymous question to ShannaKatz@gmail.com.

HEINZESIGHT

Recently diagnosed HIV-positive, and freaked out Dear Brent,

A few weeks ago I was diagnosed HIV-positive. It was a total shock. My doctor spent a lot of time discussing the science behind the virus, the medications, and that it wasn’t a big deal anymore since it is manageable and considered a chronic disease. I know I can live out a normal life taking medications, but inside I’m experiencing so many intense emotions, sometimes many of them all at once. I’m most concerned about how HIV will affect me socially, with friends and family, but also with current and future sexual partners. Can you help me feel better about this? -Recently diagnosed and freaked out

Some of the most important people in my life are HIV-positive. I would love to tell you that having HIV isn’t a big deal, but for many people it is a huge deal. There are tons of issues and concerns around disclosing your status to others, potential rejection because of it, and how to live your life after being aware of your status. There are most likely going to be times where your emotions are completely wacked-out. There is nothing unusual about feeling these and the more you try to push them down, the longer it will take to deal with them. Don’t waste energy fighting them off. I’m not confident that there is a perfect way or timeframe to tell someone that you are HIV-positive, but I do feel that people absolutely need support throughout the process of coming to grips with the diagnosis. Don’t feel pressured to come screaming out of the closet about your status, identify key people in your life who can offer love, support, knowledge, direction, feedback, a hot meal, or a huge hug. Having a core group of amazing people can be a significant ally.

Although it can be uncomBeing rejected by someone fortable to discuss your HIV can be difficult regardless of status with supportive people the reason, and hopefully it in your life, bringing it up comes without anger, hurtful with a sexual partner can be words or discrimination. That terrifying. Fear of rejection won’t always be the case. Brent Heinze and judgment causes tons of There will be times where anxiety. Regardless of potential rejection bites you in the ass, hurt, I feel that it is important for both parties but lick your wounds and move on. to discuss what you are going to do to each Even though this can be a difficult time other and what levels of risk each of you is emotionally, it is also important to learn willing to take. Lying about your status only as much as possible about HIV treatment serves to deceive your naked partner and options, transmission methods, and ways keep you in a place of shame about your to keep yourself as healthy for as long as diagnosis. You can develop a certain power possible. As others have said, HIV is a lifein accepting that you have a virus that has changer, not a life-ender. Although this is impacted your life and choosing to with something that you will need to live with strength and integrity regardless of it. someone develops a cure, your life can be Some people choose to lie about their full of enjoyment, passion, new experiences, status or not disclose it until later in a re- personal expansion and love. Don’t let a virus lationship after trust and attraction have define you or dictate your life direction. ] been developed. Others feel it’s better Brent Heinze, LPC, is a licensed professionto get it out in the open before spending time and energy developing a relation- al counselor. Email: PerspectiveShift@yahoo. ship that could end when they do disclose. com. For more Brent: ofcnow.co/xcp.

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February 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

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February 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

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