The Commitment to Love
The Commitment to Love
Despite what we have heard in countless fairy tales, there is no guarantee that people who get married will live happily ever after. Things can go wrong—sometimes terribly wrong. Even with the best of intentions, couples may find themselves in a house full of resentment, hostility, unrest, and misery. There is no heartache quite like the heartache of an unhappy marriage. But married life need not be this way. It has been said that we marry the one we love, and love the one we marry. Love is not only an emotion we feel, but also a decision we make. In love, we cherish, communicate, listen, encourage, enjoy, forgive, respect, honor, and guard our spouse in the marital relationship.
These selections from Our Daily Bread are intended to encourage and instruct you in your married life. If you have enjoyed these articles and would like to receive the Our Daily Bread devotional, just complete the request form in this brochure and send it to us. Our materials are offered at no charge. We are supported by the freewill donations of our members and friends.
Day 1
The MiRacle
of MaRRiage
Read:
Matthew 19:1-8
They are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.
—Matthew 19:6
WhenPastor Howard Sugden performed the wedding ceremony for my husband and me, he emphasized that we were participating in a miracle. We believed him, but we didn’t comprehend the size of the miracle needed to hold two people together, much less become one. After 20 years, I realize that the marriage, not the wedding, was the real miracle. Anyone can have a wedding, but only God can create a marriage. One definition of wed is “to cause to adhere devotedly or stubbornly.” For some couples, “stubborn” is a more accurate description of their relationship than “devoted.” God has in mind something much better for us than a stubborn refusal to divorce. The union of marriage is so strong that we become “one flesh.”
God wants marriage to be the way it was when He first created Eve from Adam (Genesis 2:21-24). That’s what Jesus was explaining to the Pharisees when they asked Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” (Matthew 19:3). Jesus replied, “A man shall . . . be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh” (v.5).
To pledge your life to another is indeed an act of faith that requires belief in miracles. Thankfully, God is in the business of creating marriages. —Julie Ackerman Link “For better or for worse,” we pledge, Through sickness and through strife; And by the help and grace of God We’ll keep these vows for life. —D. De Haan
A good marriage requires the determination to be married for good.
Day 2
one
day iS
Read:
Genesis 2:18-25
He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it.
—Ephesians 5:28-29
Why are we so stubbornly neglectful at times about the relationship that can bring us the most happiness?
It’s no secret that outside of our fellowship with God, the most vital connection we have with anyone is the one we share with our spouse. Yet how often do we treat that relationship with the attention it needs?
When God ordained marriage in the Garden, He offered us a remarkable relationship. When nurtured, it brings happiness, peace, fulfillment, purpose, and growth. The irony of this close connection between two people, though, is that when it is not nurtured, it can bring frustration, pain, sorrow, anger, and bitterness.
That’s why I wonder why we are so stubbornly neglectful about this vital relationship.
On certain days throughout the year, we are expected to show special attention to the one we love. On those days we find it easy to demonstrate the qualities that brighten a marriage. But shouldn’t we do this every day? Shouldn’t we love, honor, cherish, communicate, forgive, respect, and guard this relationship all the time? We will if we want to experience the joy God intended for us in our marriage. —Dave Branon
A marriage that’s neglected Brings pain and bitterness; But one that’s daily nurtured Brings peace and happiness. —Owen
The bonds of matrimony aren’t worth much unless the interest is kept up.
Day 3
opening
The dooR
Read:
1 Peter 3:1-12
Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel.
—1 Peter 3:7
Whenmy wife and I went out to lunch with some friends, I noticed that the husband went around to the passenger side of the car and opened the door for his wife. I said to him, “Some women might consider that demeaning.” “That’s right,” he said. “One woman saw me do that and remarked, ‘I’m sure she’s perfectly capable of opening the door for herself!’ I told her, ‘I don’t open the door for my wife because she’s incapable. I do it to honor her.’”
Jesus treated women with the utmost respect and honor (John 4:1-38; 8:3-11; 19:25-27). Likewise, in 1 Peter 3:7, husbands are instructed to live with their wives “with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel.” Men and women both have their weaknesses, but in general, women are physically weaker than men and have unique needs and sensitivities. This in no way means they are inferior. In fact, Peter said that as Christians, men and women are “heirs together of the grace of life” (v.7).
Opening a door for a woman may seem to some like an old-fashioned courtesy. But it can also be a wonderful tribute to both the man and the woman if it symbolizes the honor and respect one has for the other.
—Dennis De Haan
Look upon your partner’s need, Love demands the loving deed; Tell her that you love her true, Prove it by the deeds you do. —Anon.
We honor God when we honor one another.
Day 4
avoiding The gReeneR gRaSS
Read: Ephesians 5:22-33
Let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
—Ephesians 5:33
Nancy Anderson says she grew lukewarm in her Christian faith and thus believed the world’s lie: “I deserve to be happy.” This led to an extramarital affair that nearly ended her marriage. She wrote her book Avoiding The Greener Grass Syndrome to help keep her painful story of infidelity from “becoming someone else’s story.”
In her book, Nancy offers six action suggestions on how to build “hedges” to protect your marriage and to help make “a good marriage great”: Hear—give a listening ear to your spouse. Encourage—build up your spouse by focusing on positive qualities.
Date—celebrate your marriage by playing and laughing together.
Guard—establish safeguards by setting clear boundaries. Educate—study your mate to truly understand him or her. Satisfy—meet each other’s needs.
The grass on the other side of the fence may look greener, but faithfulness to God and commitment to your spouse alone bring peace of mind and satisfaction. When you avoid the greener-grass syndrome by loving and respecting your spouse, your marriage will be a picture of Christ and His church to those around you (Ephesians 5:31-32). —Anne Cetas
When you look at someone else’s life, Thinking that it’s better than your own, Just remember what God’s given you Was designed for you alone. —Hess
Jesus Christ is the only third party in a marriage who can make it work.
Day 5
When To Speak Up
Read: Ephesians 4:25-32
Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.
—Ephesians 4:29
Goodcommunication is essential for a happy marriage. Poet Ogden Nash seems to have hit on a formula to help us remember how to communicate effectively. Nash, in his witty style, wrote: If you want your marriage to sizzle With love in the loving cup, Whenever you’re wrong, admit it; Whenever you’re right, shut up! There’s some immensely helpful truth in that four-liner— truth that is supported by Scripture.
Let’s look at the two major points. First, if we are wrong we need to admit it. Not only marriage, but all relationships benefit from this kind of honesty (Proverbs 12:22). Protecting ourselves when we’re wrong makes resolution impossible.
On the other hand, we can be equally hard to live with if we insist that we’re always right and are afraid to let our spouse know that we are fallible. According to 1 Corinthians 13:4, “[Love] does not parade itself, is not puffed up.” No one likes to be around someone who always seems to be patting himself on the back.
Two simple guidelines for a marriage that pleases God: Admit wrong, and keep quiet about being right. It’s a good way to keep the relationship strong. —Dave Branon
Button up your lip securely
’Gainst the words that bring a tear, But be swift with words of comfort, Words of praise, and words of cheer. —Loucks
Let your speech be better than silence; otherwise be silent.
Day 6
MaTTeRS of
The heaRT
Read:
Colossians 3:18-25
Whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men.
—Colossians 3:23
In a book called The Second Shift, Arlie Hochschild describes how working couples share home responsibilities. Husbands and wives who both have careers generally agree that it is only fair for them to divide household chores. Yet studies show that men tend to do less than their share.
Why? One possible reason is that a husband today compares his efforts to how much his father did around the house. But a working wife today is looking for more than that.
As a result, roles become a source of conflict. Hochschild, however, directs us to a deeper issue. She writes, “When two-career families struggle, it is seldom simply over who does what. Far more often it is over the giving and receiving of gratitude . . . . In my interviews, a surprising number of women spoke of their fathers helping their mothers ‘out of love’ or consideration . . . . But not one man . . . made this link between help at home and love.”
There’s an important insight here. Good relationships are built not only on what is done but why. This is true of marriage, but it is even more important in our relationship with God. Love grows not only by what we do but also by our reason for doing it (Colossians 3:23). The Lord wants us to do what is right, and to do so out of love for Him. —Mart De Haan
Lord, grant me a loving heart, A will to give and share, A whispered prayer upon my lips
To show I really care. —Brandt
We may give without loving, but we cannot love without giving.