The Ontarion - 200.4

Guthrie will

as Guelph’s mayor Brownfields to brightfields: Renewable energy research to shine new light on contaminated lands

6. U of G proposed project to build new on-campus residence for the first time in over 25 years

Ontario Cannabis Store visits the University Centre to educate students

7. Photos: College Royal 2026

8. Busy Reading: The Fall-Down Effect’s fractured family and fractured forests

9. Sherman Commander rides the line between tank simulator and Second World War strategy game

10. 2026 Oscars recap

11. Interhall Council hosts drag brunch

Standing ovation goes to Curtain Call Productions for Anastasia

12. Fans eagerly await new release from local rockers, Red Output

SHEBAD is pushing their artistic boundaries in INNER OPENINGS

13. Consume Me: A story of teenage hardships, dieting and societal pressure

Arts and Drafts event brings creatives together with a good drink

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Getting to know the Gryphons’ newest netminder

15. Psyche Series: Challenging the ‘perfect victim’

Blades of grace: Figure skating showcase

16. Spring recipes

After Game 7 heartbreak, Blue Jays begin their road back into the World Series

18 & 19. FEATURE STORY: The Ontarion celebrates 75 years of student journalism

20. OSAP, ASAP

21. Pants, snow and school spirit

Moving past the stigma: Understanding neurodivergence

22. Let food become fuel

23. Individuality in sports: Why Alysa Liu’s comeback matters

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6. Insider report: RFK Jr. is a

Relay for Life kicks off in Gryphon Fieldhouse

The 22nd annual event was the largest yet

ARTICLE & PHOTOS BY ABBY COUNAHAN

On Saturday, March 7, the University of Guelph Relay for Life Committee and the Canadian Cancer Society (CCS) hosted their 22nd annual Relay for Life. Students and community members gathered in the Gryphon Fieldhouse at 7 p.m. to kick off the 12 hour fundraising event. This year’s western-themed event raised a total of $260,783 for the CCS.

Shortly after 8 p.m., committee co-chairs Charlie Ferguson, Charli Shapiro and Bianca Di Carlo took the stage to begin the opening ceremony. Following a land acknowledgement, the cochairs informed participants with details about the night’s proceedings, including the event schedule and food options, as well as opportunities to donate more and win prizes.

Co-presidents Isabel Louwers and Amelia Waters from the U of G World Vision Club were invited to the stage to speak about their Move4Manna campaign. Relay participants were given the opportunity to download an app and join the Move4Manna challenge where their tracked steps would help fundraise for life-saving nutrition for children experiencing severe acute malnutrition.

CCS Relay for Life Youth Post-Secondary Specialist Helen Kiroplis also took the stage to give opening remarks on behalf of the CCS. Kiroplis said that over the past 22 years, the University of Guelph’s Relay for Life events

have cumulatively raised $1.75 million. This year’s event broke their fundraising goal of $180,000 by the time of the event, starting the night off with $201,000 raised.

U of G now holds the record as being the second ever post-secondary Relay for Life event to exceed $200,000.

U of G Relay for Life committee Co-chair Bianca Di Carlo spoke about the event’s turnout. “It’s one of our biggest years ever. We have over 900 participants, so it’s quite exciting to see how much the event has grown over the past few years.”

Di Carlo also spoke about the committee’s outlook on how the event impacts the campus community.

“We really just want this to be a really welcoming and fun environment for everyone to get together and celebrate all of their hard work. I think Relay [for Life] has always been such a positive event that the campus hosts, so we hope that continues,” Di Carlo said.

Member of the entertainment sub-committee Echo Kells gave insight into how events are planned to help keep the energy up throughout the night. “We really try to just keep everyone super busy. We have events planned literally every hour of the 12 hours.”

Some of the events that took place were line dancing, sunrise yoga, Zumba, a spikeball tournament and tarot card readings, amongst many more. The event

also hosted Gryphons Give, which offered students the chance to be swabbed in an effort to collect stem cell matches.

Many of the participants were fundraising in honour of loved ones who had experienced cancer. Third-year political science major Mila Vincic shared that her mother is a cancer survivor, and she has spent much time participating in cancer research fundraisers.

“I participated in the Terry Fox Run growing up, so fundraising for cancer research has always been like a focal point, something my family is very dedicated to. When I found out there was [an] opportunity to continue that into university, I was more than happy to do it and to fundraise for something that’s really close to my heart,” Vincic said.

Third-year molecular biology student Joanna Karelis is the vice president of events for the Guelph Hellenic Students Association, and she shared that she was fundraising in honour of family members who had passed away from cancer.

“I’m also very interested in the field of cancer research and I plan to [pursue] that in the future, so I wanted to contribute to the cause that hopefully I’ll contribute more to one day with my career,” Karelis said.

If you’re interested in joining next year’s event, be sure to follow @uoguelphrelay on Instagram to stay updated.

Tree craft & LEGO night

Landscape Architecture Student Society hosts rewarding night for students

ARTICLE BY FAUSTINE LIU & PHOTOS BY ISABELLA YOUNG

On March 5, students gathered in the second-year studio of the Landscape Architecture building for the Tree Craft & LEGO Night, an event hosted by the Landscape Architecture Student Society (LASS). The afternoon activity combined plant crafting and LEGO building, offering students a chance to take a break from regular studio work and socialize.

TREE CRAFT

One of the activities was tree crafting, where students created handmade trees that will con-

tribute to the LABash 1000 Trees project, a collaborative initiative hosted by the Knowlton Conservation Corps and connected to this year’s LABash Conference.

LABash is an annual student-run conference for landscape architecture students across North America, and this collaborative project aims to create an eclectic, enchanting forest of miniature trees celebrating creativity, nostalgia and the joy of making. The project brings together handcrafted miniature trees made by students, academics and professionals, which will all be displayed as a gallery in-

stallation during the conference, hosted this year by The Ohio State University from March 11 to 13.

A variety of materials were provided for the crafts, including rocks, pebbles, pipe cleaners, pom-poms, wires and other decorative supplies. Students experimented with different ways of assembling the materials into distinct tree forms or more abstract designs using colourful shapes and textures.

For instance, some students made flowers instead of trees, others added a cute pom-pom pet underneath a willow tree, and one creation featured a small birdhouse with strands of yellow yarn resembling Rapunzel’s hair flowing out of it. Participants were encouraged to experiment and be creative rather than aim for perfection.

The Free to Read Book Sale returns

The sale will return to Guelph on April 25 in support of the Books for Inmates program

EVA GALAN

Entering its fourth year, the annual Free to Read Book Sale will return on April 25, from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m at the Old Quebec Street Shoppes. Supporting the Book for Inmates program, it will be continuing its mission of collecting and redistributing reading material to correctional facilities across Southern Ontario, and to connect the Guelph community to a broader effort to promote literacy and access to books.

The Free to Read Book Sale began as a small community col-

laboration, but has quickly grown into a larger effort to expand access to books for people in correctional facilities. In its first year, organizers partnered with local comic shop The Dragon to collect donated comic books while a nearby church hosted a small book sale to support the initiative.

The event has since evolved into a recurring community event organized by the Guelph Tool Library. For the past three years, the sale has been held at the Quebec Street Mall, where tables

of donated books invite residents to browse while supporting their broader community.

This event has grown significantly since its first year, when approximately 2,000 books were available. This year, organizers expect nearly 10,000 books to fill the tables. Quebec Street Mall’s larger footprint allows space for community groups, such as the Guelph Writers Festival, to host information booths alongside the sale. Guelph Tool Library Director John Dennis said they are

LEGO BUILDING

The event also included a LEGO flower-building session with kits purchased from LASS. Some students found the sets more challenging to build than expected because of the complex steps and delicate parts. While students worked on their LEGO flowers, LEGO movies played in the background, providing a relaxing atmosphere in the studio. By the end of the afternoon, a collection of handmade trees and other creative crafts had been completed for the LABash project, while LEGO builders finished their miniature flowers before taking them home.

The event offered an opportunity for students to gather and unwind outside of their usual class work. Through these LA events, LASS continues to seek ways to

expecting over 1,000 people to attend this year’s sale.

Residents can contribute to the program by donating gently used books, helping organizers build the large collection that will eventually fill tables at the annual Free to Read Book Sale.

The impact of these contributions extends far beyond the annual sale. The Books for Inmates program, founded by Wilma Alexander, focuses on improving access to reading materials for incarcerated individuals. As stated by Alexander, access to books is “critically important,” both as a way to pass time and as a tool for developing literacy skills that can improve employment opportunities after release. Some recipients are also newcomers to Canada, so books in languages other than English are also valuable. Funds raised through the sale help the program purchase books in other languages, ensuring that the collection reflects the diverse needs

organize activities that help build community within the program while connecting students to broader initiatives related to the landscape architecture field.

of readers.

There are specific types of books that are especially useful to the correctional facilities. Reference materials like dictionaries are in high demand, as are law books that help individuals better understand the legal system. Practical “how-to” guides, covering skills like sewing or repairing everyday items, are also popular. Organizers also encourage donations of book series, which allow groups to read together and share a communal experience similar to a book club.

On the day of the sale, volunteers place thousands of sorted books onto tables before representatives from the Book for Inmates program arrive to select roughly 10 per cent of the collection for distribution in correctional facilities. The remaining books are sold to the public, helping sustain the initiative’s broader mission. “We want to get resources out to the community,” Dennis said.

Cam Guthrie will not seek reelection as Guelph’s mayor

After three terms of service, Guthrie has decided to pass the torch

EMMERSON JULL

After three terms as Guelph’s mayor, Cam Guthrie has announced that he will not seek re-election in October. Guthrie shared his decision in a post to social media on March 16.

“Serving in this role has been an honour and a joy,” read Guthrie’s statement. He shared that making the decision to step down was “in-

credibly difficult,” but Guthrie feels at peace with the decision and has the full support of his wife, Rachel, and their children.

Guthrie stated that making this announcement early “allows for a smooth transition” and will allow him to guide ongoing initiatives “while working collaboratively with whoever is elected.”

Brownfields to brightfields: Renewable energy research to shine new light on contaminated lands

eMERGE x U of G partnership will investigate feasibility of solar projects on two major land sites in Guelph

MADISON BOUTILIER

The IMICO (International Malleable Iron Company) and former Eastview Landfill sites span a combined 98 hectares and are considered brownfields: unused and often contaminated pieces of land abandoned after industrial or

commercial activities. In partnership with the University of Guelph, eMERGE, a local not-for-profit climate organization, will begin research to determine if the land can be repurposed for community-owned solar energy develop-

He has been Guelph’s mayor since 2014 and has worked with staff, city councillors and community members to accomplish a number of objectives. Some of the achievements highlighted in his statement include advancing supportive housing and welcoming new businesses and newcomers to Guelph, in addition to developing

ments.

In an interview with The Ontarion, Evan Ferrari, executive director of eMERGE, discussed the goals of the research and elaborated on key details of the project.

The preliminary research will investigate examples of brownfield sites that have been repurposed for similar solar energy projects across North America, highlighting potential challenges of climate change mitigation through urban land revitalization. A key aspect of the project is community ownership and making initial investing and long-term benefits as inclusive as possible to the public.

"Can we mitigate the impacts of really [contaminated] land? Not only mitigate it, but do something positive from an environmental perspective?" A question Ferrari aims to answer with eMERGE’s upcoming research collaboration.

If solar energy developments are viable on these sites, the initiative has the potential to boost local economic development. Money from the project’s growth would go back to the Guelph community.

“It provides a very simple opportunity for people to be part of a solution,” Ferrari said.

eMERGE will work in collab-

the new South End Community Centre and re-introducing the Christmas tree lighting ceremony in Market Square.

Under Gurthrie’s post were hundreds of comments from city councillors, business owners and Guelph residents sharing their

oration with University of Guelph professor Derya Tarhan from the School of Environmental Design and Rural Development, as well as graduate student research assistants.

Tahran spoke to the vast potential solar energy demonstrates for renewables in Ontario and discussed benefits and roadblocks of community ownership and the project as a whole.

“Community ownership is a bottom-up process,” Tahran said.

“It takes time, which is the great part of it because there’s so much learning [as well as] community and capacity building that’s involved with it.”

Both Ferrari and Tahran highlighted the profound impact of putting renewable energy projects in high visibility and frequently visited areas.

As research is set in motion, questions on the migration of toxic substances in the soil will be considered with the possibility of ground penetration, alongside priorities of maximizing inclusivity on a community level. The City originally sought out developers to clean and build on the sites but were not able to finalize a deal and decided to search for alternatives.

gratitude for his years of service.

Guthrie closed the announcement with gratitude of his own.

“Thank you, Guelph. I feel truly blessed every single day to have served you as I worked towards shaping our city into a place we’re all proud to call home.”

Ferrari also noted that despite the amount of technology, funds and manual labour that would be required to complete the project, working through the regulatory regime for the contaminated lands will be the bulk of the heavy lifting.

eMERGE has been a persistent advocate for climate action and policy change in Guelph for over a decade. With years of pressure and having an ear in the decision-making process, the organization was given the support of the municipal government to pursue the project.

"Can we continue to encourage that enthusiasm while we're doing the blood and sweat work?” Ferrari asked.

Since 2018, the City of Guelph has been committed to the United Nation’s call to action for net-zero emissions by 2050 to avoid the most detrimental impacts of climate change. Although the goal sounds optimistic, the city has been falling above and below an average of 24 per cent renewable energy for the past six years. Ferrari estimated that this project could increase that number by nine to ten per cent.

Similarly, achieving Guelph’s commitment to 100 per cent renewable energy by 2050 demands continued support from the municipal government. With its partners, eMERGE aims to take a step towards making that goal a reality.

The upcoming research represents Phase One of a multi-year initiative. After the research term is complete, Ferrari said, “We can then look at it and understand where the next steps are.”

“If done in an inclusive and participatory way, this can be a really great example for other spaces in our city and other cities in Canada and beyond,” Tarhan said.

The solar research is set to begin in May.

U of G proposed project to build new on-campus residence for the first time in over 25 years

The 78 College Ave. W residence building is expected to be open for students by the fall of 2029

ABBY COUNAHAN

On Feb. 23, a U of G News press release shared that the University of Guelph was to begin early site preparation for a new student residence at 78 College Ave. W at the beginning of March. The proposed project is designed to accommodate up to 1,250 first-year students in an effort to improve the experience of incoming students through on-campus housing. This project marks the first new residence built on the University’s main campus in over 25 years.

The feasibility work for this plan began in 2024, including the issuance of a request for proposals for architectural consulting services, shared Vice-Provost of Stu-

dent Affairs Melinda Scott. Scott also shared that, subject to approvals and financing, construction is expected to begin mid-2026 and the residence is anticipated to be open for students by fall of 2029.

A spokesperson from the Office of the Vice President, Finance and Operations (VPFO), gave insight into the structural layout of the new building. The residence will be a modern facility that intends to balance the privacy of individual living quarters with the social and academic benefits of shared spaces. The design includes large operable windows, a large multifunctional courtyard and an exterior area designed for a variety of activities.

Ontario Cannabis Store visits the University Centre to educate students

As part of the Ontario Cannabis Store’s ‘Cannabis Made Clear’ campaign, a large booth was brought to campus to teach students about safe and enjoyable cannabis usage

ARTICLE & PHOTOS BY ADITYA

PARAMESWARAN

On Tuesday, March 17 and Wednesday, March 18, the University of Guelph invited the Ontario Cannabis Store (OCS) to the University Centre to dispel myths around cannabis and cannabis usage. The OCS oversees the distribution of cannabis around the province and licenses retailers to sell cannabis products. This visit comes as a part of their Cannabis Made Clear campaign to educate

Ontario residents on the effects of cannabis usage and how to partake responsibly.

The OCS’ visit to the University Centre consisted of a large booth in front of the university’s canteen with a number of activities, each designed to demonstrate a particular point about cannabis use. From a driving simulator to simulate the experience of driving under the influence, to a puzzle to demonstrate

dating visitors with mobility challenges.

“This facility addresses an unmet need within the campus community and enhances service inclusivity,” said a VPFO spokesperson.

The unit configurations consist of single- or double-occupancy rooms with shared semi-private washrooms. There will also be a limited number of rooms offering private washrooms to accommodate students with specific needs. Students living in this residence building will be required to purchase a meal plan as the building features a 500-seat dining hall capable of serving up to 1,850 users a day, plus catering.

Accessibility and inclusivity are fundamental aspects of this project. Each suite is compliant with universal design principles, making them capable of accommo-

Environmental sustainability was also a key consideration in the development of the proposed building. Scott shared that the residence is being designed to align with the university’s goal of transitioning to net-zero carbon emissions by 2040.

The press release also shared that the project is to be compliant with City of Guelph tree regulation, the university’s tree protection standards and the Migratory Birds Convention act. In accordance with the city’s Private Tree Protection Bylaw, the university will replant the approximately 300 trees removed for development once the project is complete. The university intends to provide a forum for the university community, including students, to provide input and be involved in

how to identify regulated cannabis dispensaries, to a pair of interactive games to teach how to have a safe and enjoyable cannabis experience.

Participants enter the booth in groups to experience each activity in sequence, guided by an employee of the OCS. The experience took about five minutes, with a little over a minute dedicated to each activity. The most memorable aspect of it was the driving simulator, placing the participant in the shoes of an inebriated driver as their vision blurs and the car fails to respond to their inputs. This simulated the loss of focus and slowed reaction time brought on by cannabis usage.

Then there was a puzzle that introduced participants to the black shield, which denotes licensed and regulated cannabis providers. Finally participants are put through a pair of mythbusting activities to

inform them on safe cannabis consumption, such as taking shallow puffs to minimize toxin inhalation when smoking cannabis and not sharing the oral tools used to imbibe. This booth was open from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., taking in a number

the tree replanting plan.

This university is funding this project through the Government of Canada’s Canada Mortgage Housing Corporation, which offers financing for student housing through the Apartment Construction Loan Program student housing stream. Once this project is complete, the university will be able to house a total of 6,525 first-year students on campus. The room rates have not yet been finalized, but are expected to align with the university’s current inventory and the student housing market rate.

“For students, this project is intended to provide a modern, inclusive living environment that supports academic and personal development, with shared spaces that encourage connection and community,” Scott said. “The university will continue to engage students and share updates as the project moves through its next phases.”

of groups of students and other visitors.

This initiative will be followed by the Summer Guide to Legal Cannabis, where the OCS will provide further information, more specific to cannabis use in the summer months. Such as travelling with cannabis legally and safely, where cannabis can be consumed outdoors, and access to the catalogue of licensed dispensaries around Ontario. This campaign also seeks to inform Ontario residents about the legal limits for cannabis possession in forms such as dry leaves, THC concentrate and edibles. The Cannabis Made Clear website also has further information on the safe use of cannabis, and the OCS encourages people to learn for themselves before partaking.

COLLEGE ROYAL 2026

Busy Reading: The Fall-Down Effect ’s fractured family and fractured forests

In her debut novel, Liz Johnston examines, “What we really owe people in our lives when we are fighting for a greater cause”

ARTICLE & PHOTOS BY EMMERSON JULL

Canadian author Liz Johnston pairs the emotional acuity of contemporary fiction with climate-induced desperation in her debut novel, The Fall-Down Effect, set to release Apr. 21. Stretching across three decades and the Cascadia bioregion, Johnston examines the fallout from dedication to environmental activism that sends a family into disrepair.

In three parts

The Fall-Down Effect is split into three parts, delineated by time and geography. Readers are first introduced to siblings Sylvia, Fern and River during their childhood in the late 80s. Their mother, Lynn, feels trapped by the demands of motherhood and

desperate to return to the action-filled protests of her youth. Soon, Lynn makes the decision to leave her partner, Tom, and dedicate her life to the environmental cause, far away from the small town her family calls home.

Later, teenage Fern is determined to make her own radical stand against the town’s logging industry. Her act of protest, deemed ecoterrorism by the authorities, drives her underground and leaves her parents and siblings deciphering her actions while needing to cover up her absence.

One of The Fall-Down Effect’s standout stylistic choices is Johnston’s decision to write from each family member’s

perspective. Consider the novel’s keystone passage, for example, as Lynn reverses out of the family’s driveway—a single page holds five perspectives, five different understandings of what’s happening. While at first glance this approach seems cluttered, it proves effective, giving the reader an opportunity to examine the scaffolding hidden within each character’s choices.

“I had always set out to write the three siblings’ points of view,” Johnston said. Each perspective is an “access point” to the novel. She included the parents’ perspectives later. “I’m sure there’s a version of this book that could have been written with just the children, but I really liked what Lynn and Tom brought to the story, once we were seeing through their eyes.”

Natural influences

Johnston is located in Toronto but was born and raised in Revelstoke, B.C., which bares a striking resemblance to the place where Sylvia, Fern and River grew up, “but is not that place,” Johnston writes in the book’s acknowledgements.

Still, the dense, old-growth forests of the B.C. interior and coast plainly inspired The FallDown Effect. At the time she started writing this book, Johnston “hadn’t been home, back to Revelstoke, in about a decade,” she said. “You just sort of realize the hold a place has on your imagination, and obviously the place you grow up in is going to stay with you.”

The Fall-Down Effect is named after the logging term describing the volume reduction in timber harvested from second-growth trees. Like the forests that Fern and Lynn felt so driven to protect, their family experiences an irreparable fracture, leaving their

relationships unable to meet the potential they would have before. When it came time to write her debut novel, Johnston was well-equipped, mainly due to her time as an editor at the literary journal Brick, from 2012 to 2019. She described that “having that opportunity to learn and understand my own taste, and my own ideas of literary excellence in terms of the kind of work we got,” was responsible for widening her reading. “I think, in turn, [that] makes me a better writer,” Johnston said.

In terms of novels, Johnston’s influences range from family sagas—Madeline Thien’s Do Not Say We Have Nothing and Home Fire by Kamila Shamsie—to other works of environmental fiction, like Michael Christie's Greenwood She also admires The Narwhal’s reporting on forests in B.C. and the 2004 documentary If a Tree Falls: A Story of the Earth Liberation Front. Johnston’s pages are layered with generational love, longing and environmental knowledge.

Not quite fiction

Although many works of climate fiction or “cli-fi” arc towards the speculative, Johnston’s is ultra-realistic. For instance, when the town’s logging mill is forced to close, workers and their families must move to find new jobs, impacting the town’s isolated economy and creating friction between friends.

While the protagonists of Johnston’s novel are environmentalists, her understanding for the “other side,” particularly loggers and their families, is something she channeled from her childhood in Revelstoke. Many people Johnston knew from her hometown were, at one time or another, involved in the logging industry. She remembers bumper stickers

from that time proclaiming, “Hug a logger…you’ll never go back to the trees!”

Since normal people depend on extractive industries for their livelihoods, the “right” way to pursue environmentalism is not clear-cut. That’s why the environmental movement calls for a “just transition.” A systems-level framework that ensures the path to a net-zero, sustainable economy that won’t leave people behind. Unfortunately, in many countries, that transition is taking place far slower than necessary to mitigate the worst outcomes of our rapidly warming climate. This deficiency of systemic change has led to some activists putting their bodies on the line.

“There’s no one right way” to act or feel, Johnston said, but she agrees that “these are things we should feel rather urgently about.”

By illuminating the collapse of natural ecosystems alongside characters’ personal ones, The FallDown Effect doesn’t tell readers what path they should take. Johnston simply asks that we weigh the costs and hopefully consider working in community, rather than alone.

Sherman Commander rides the line between tank simulator and Second World War strategy game

This demo release by the developers of Destroyer: The U-Boat Hunter maintains the same intensity, inside of a tank

ADITYA PARAMESWARAN

S

herman Commander, developed by Iron Wolf Studio and published by Daedalic Entertainment, seeks to put the player in the commander’s seat of a Sherman tank engaging in combat operations against Nazi Germany shortly after the D-Day landings. A demo for the game was released during Steam’s Next Fest which took place between Feb. 23 to March 2, where players can download playable demos of upcoming games. The current demo features a single mission: the player must command a tank and infantry platoon to capture areas within a city.

The title is a misnomer, as the player operates beyond their Sherman tank—they are in charge of

commanding three other tanks and a platoon of infantry. This makes the game a hybrid between a tank game such as War Thunder or World of Tanks, and a real-time strategy game such as Company of Heroes.

The game provides the player with two main perspectives: one where they are seated in the commander’s seat, as well as a map view, which provides a bird’s-eye view of the battlefield. In practice, this forces the player to strategize around the strengths of the units under their command.

Infantry has supreme visibility and a much smaller footprint, allowing them to observe wide fields of view. You can command them to

clear and occupy buildings, allowing them to effectively create strong points and control an area. Infantry squads can also have specializations. A machine gun squad is equipped with the Browning M1919 tripod mounted machine gun, which can create a wide area that is effectively locked down against enemy infantry. The anti-tank squad allows them to occupy buildings and ambush tanks with the M1 Bazooka, and the rifle squad is best used for maneuvering around enemy infantry elements and clearing buildings. For armoured support, the player has access to M4 Sherman tanks equipped with the short 75 mm cannon. This has anemic anti-armour capability, meaning you can punch through less armour, but it is more than enough for blowing apart buildings.

The player must become familiar with their tank, an M4 "Easy Eight” Sherman, which movie buffs may recognize as the model

from Fury. The player must adapt to the poor situational awareness that comes from sitting behind several tonnes of steel armour. From inside the tank, the player has three main ways to see outside. From most to least safe: 1) the vision blocks inside the tank provide a wide field of view, but the player cannot freely look around, 2) the periscope which provides a narrow field of vision and can be freely turned, and 3) the player gets the best of both worlds standing outside the tank at the cost of being entirely unprotected. Outside the tank, a stray bullet can bring the mission to an anti-climactic end.

The enemy is similarly equipped and has the home field advantage. The player’s job is to fight through the enemy forces, including dug-in machine gun squads, fortified buildings, mobile anti-tank guns and enemy tanks, while ensuring the units under their command are not sent to their

deaths. The demo’s map is urban, filled with blind corners and buildings, which creates tension because the enemy could be anywhere. Any road that the player does not control can hide a tank, a machine gun squad or an anti-tank squad. Similarly, any building that the player hasn’t leveled or occupied by friendly infantry can be infested by the enemy. This effectively forces the player to take their time and use the infantry units at their disposal to conduct reconnaissance of an area and determine the threat, before moving forward, and bringing an appropriate response.

The demo is a vertical slice to provide the public a taste of a game that is still clearly in development. Sound design is an area that requires significant improvement. The main cannon sounds anemic, with little punch, even when the player is standing outside of the tank. Although the tank crew has stressed voice lines, these do not have the extent of dynamism heard in games like Gunner Heat PC or War Thunder, and they are often immediately followed by calm voice lines.

Alongside this, intuitive commands for the tanks available have yet to be added, like making them follow the player in formation. Further information on infantry units would also be greatly appreciated, such as details on their field of vision and effective range. This would allow the player to make more informed decisions during gameplay.

The demo is far from complete, but it is enough to provide a strongly positive impression, showcasing a gameplay loop that is hard to find in any other single player game. Cooperation between infantry and armor is a staple of multiplayer games involving tanks, but this has rarely been captured in such a compelling way in a single player title. Even after Steam’s Next Fest, Sherman Commander is a game worth keeping an eye on for both fans of tanks and those who enjoy strategy games.

2026 Oscars recap

Did your favourite films win the awards they deserved?

KIERA SCHARF

On March 14, the Oscars came and went, the awards show that movie lovers have waited for all year long. It was a night of many incredible films nominated for awards.

Sinners, directed by Ryan Coogler and starring Michael B. Jordan and Hailee Steinfeld, broke the all-time Oscar record with 16 nominations. The film received nominations for categories such as Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Supporting Actress, Best Actor in a Supporting Role, Best Original Screenplay and Best Song.

The Oscars Red Carpet preshow was swarming with actors and actresses anticipating the exciting award show to come. As per usual, many interviews were taking place, with journalists from E! News, ABC News, Variety and many more.

To begin, Elle Fanning made

a jaw-dropping entrance in a glamorous and timeless white dress, adorned with an antique wisteria necklace from 1903. “My heart is pounding right now,” she said, explaining that this was her first Oscar nomination (Sentimental Value) and second-ever time at the Oscars.

Wagner Moura was thrilled about his first Oscar nomination for his new movie, Secret Agent. He is the first Brazilian male actor nominated for Best Actor, and the third Brazilian actor ever nominated, following actresses Fernanda Montenegro (1999) and Fernanda Torres (2025). After years of waiting, Ethan Hawke was nominated for Best Actor for Blue Moon, and he said, “I’ve only been doing this job for forty years, so it’s about time!”

On the horror side of the film industry, Amy Madigan stated that working on the film Weap-

ons was “a sublime experience.” She was proud of her performance as the antagonist, Gladys, and explained her character as “a woman with a mission, and she’s just fighting for her survival.” Later on in the night, she won the Oscar for the category of Best Supporting Actress.

Additionally, Wunmi Mosaku (Best Supporting Actress nominee) said that she had lots of homework when working on Sinners. She said she enjoyed learning about the cultural, historical and spiritual influences behind the movie.

To open the ceremony, host Conan O’Brien performed a comedy skit as the character Gladys from Weapons, running throughout multiple movie scenes such as Marty Supreme, Hamnet, One Battle After Another and more.

One of O’Brien’s first jokes was at the expense of Best Actor nominee Timothée Chalamet. The actor had made a comment to Matthew McConaughey in an interview several days earlier, saying that he wouldn’t want to work in the opera or ballet industry because “no one cares about [them] anymore.” Chalamet received significant backlash for the remark; by the end of the night, his fast-paced ping-pong film had received zero wins out of nine nominations.

Many memorable and history-making moments occurred during the show. Best Casting, a brand new category, was added to the awards ceremony to celebrate casting directors. Cassandra Kulukundis was the category’s first winner for her casting in One Battle After Another. Autumn Du-

rald Arkapaw became the first woman to win the Best Cinematography award for her work in Sinners. KPop Demon Hunters won the award for Best Original Song, making it the first KPop song to ever win. Moreover, Warner Bros. tied the record for most wins by a studio in one night, with 11 wins.

Some other notable awards include Frankenstein’s Best Costume Design, Best Makeup & Hairstyling and Best Production Design. It came as no surprise that Avatar: Fire and Ash won the award for Best Visual Effects. Sean Penn won the award for Best Supporting Actor in One Battle After Another, but was absent, so Kieran Culkin accepted it on his behalf. Penn has never been too keen about the culture of award shows and rarely attends them, so it was no shock that he wasn’t

there, with Culkin even making a pun about it.

Rachel McAdams made an appearance to deliver an emotional In Memoriam tribute to Catherine O’Hara, honoring her as a “comedic genius” and a “mighty wind.” The tribute highlighted her impact as a Canadian actress for her roles in Home Alone, Best in Show and Schitt’s Creek. The segment further featured other industry legends, such as Diane Keaton.

Ending the night with the most-anticipated awards, Jessie Buckley made history as the first Irish woman to win Best Actress, and Michael B. Jordan beat out Timothée Chalamet and others in the race for Best Actor. Closing out the night, One Battle After Another won Best Picture, making for an unforgettable night at the 98th Academy Awards.

Interhall Council hosts drag brunch

A night filled with lipsyncs and laughs

EDITA TREACY & EMMA LEE

On Feb. 28, the Brass Taps bustled with energy as guests settled in for the Interhall Council’s (IHC) drag brunch event, serving a brunch spread alongside fierce and fabulous looks.

Kicking off the show with two entertaining hits were event hosts Chimaera and her ‘drag daughter’ Kappelia Kameleon. Chimaera was wrapped in a pink feathered boa, while Kappelia was sporting light-up Lightning McQueen Crocs. Chimaera later shared that the boa she was wearing was the one that Star Doll wore during her elimination on Canada’s Drag Race season six, making its appearance rather scandalous.

Following a brief intermission were performances from Paris

Matix, a Latina performer from Toronto, and Star Doll herself. Through hits like “Break Free,” “I Kissed a Girl,” “Life is a Highway” and “Gnarly,” the audience was enthralled with the queens as they danced, shimmied and performed their hearts out.

The queens did a Q&A session halfway through the event. Star Doll shared that she started performing drag at York University where she produced drag shows every week at a restaurant on campus with her sister, Aurora Matrix. Chimaera is a proud Guelph alumni who started her drag journey at University of Guelph, where she earned a Bachelor of Arts and Science in Business Psychology and Biology.

The queens shared their advice for people looking to get started in the drag scene. They recommended watching YouTube tutorials and following your favourite drag queens on social media to learn from their makeup and skills. Chimaera encouraged people to think about what they want to do in drag to make it personal, authentic and unique. Kappelia recommended that people practice their makeup and find their

aesthetic, and get started by practicing dance moves in their bathroom or bedroom.

Star Doll discussed her experience on Canada’s Drag Race season six. Each of her runway looks were self-designed, with help from her 'drag mom', Suki Doll and Chimaera. Star Doll also highlighted the importance of community in this venture, and said, “It takes a village to do a reality TV show like Canada’s

Drag Race, you really need to rely on all [of] your sisters, all [of] your friends and all [of] your sources… and that’s how you slay on TV.” This isn’t the first time a queen from Canada's Drag Race has made an appearance at the University of Guelph. Last September, the Interhall Council kicked off the semester with a drag brunch in Peter Clark Hall featuring another contestant, Mya Foxx.

Standing ovation goes to Curtain Call Productions for Anastasia

The heartfelt show featured a talented ensemble of singers, dancers and actors

ANDREEA BURLACU

F

rom March 20-22, Curtain Call Productions (CCP) lit up War Memorial Hall with their production of Anastasia, a musical about found family and self-discovery. The cast shone bright, especially the trio at its core—Kezia Raine as the charming and tough Anya, Alec Freilich as the loveable Dmitry and Ivan Obad as comedic crook Vlad Popov.

Anastasia is based on a rumour in Saint Petersburg: that after the killing of the royal Romanov family in the Russian Revolution, the Grand Duchess Anastasia survived. Two con men, Vlad and Dmitry, dream up a scheme: to “find a girl to play the part,” take her to Paris and get the Dowager Empress to pay up upon her granddaughter’s return. The men stumble across Anya, a street sweeper with amnesia, and try convincing her of her past “in a palace by the sea.” As the trio grows closer, it seems Anya may be the real Anastasia.

“Dmitry, Anya and Vlad end up crafting a relationship that I

think is super beautiful,” Obad said, in an interview with The Ontarion. “That’s what the story is about. Not to mention, I think Kezia might be the best singer on the planet.”

Obad described his character Vlad as “an old, devilish, charming kind of scoundrel” who has made his living by pretending to be a count and seducing rich women. His characterization was “goblin-esque,” with severe back pain, old-age makeup, tiny spectacles, and a “funny, big, swirly mustache that goes across my entire face.”

“Last year before I got cast in this, I was telling everyone that I wanted to do something that was like a creature,” Obad said. “This is where I got to do that…my physicality is super odd. I'm all bent over, and I have a very strange voice for it, and it's kind of abstract in that regard.”

Anastasia is centered around Anya, Dmitry and Vlad, but there are many characters the audience meets as the trio journeys from

Saint Petersburg in Act 1 to Paris in Act 2. The ensemble expertly switches between roles, often with quick costume changes.

“Something that’s so fun about this show is the two different acts,” said ensemble member Hannah Marshall. “As the ensemble, we all get to play completely different roles, which makes it a really, really fun show. In the first act, it’s more miserable, darker, and then in the second act, everything is super duper happy and bright.”

The second half featured upbeat numbers such as "Paris Holds the Key (to Your Heart)" and "Land of Yesterday," co-choreographed by J Godwin-Sens and Cassandra Morgan. It also incorporated a play-in-a-play style ballet scene, where dancers in Swan Lake mirrored the characters of Anya, Dmitry and antagonist Gleb Vaganov. Avyra Churchill, a classically trained ballerina, danced en pointe as Odette, spinning mesmerizingly in a sparkling white tutu. The sequence culminated in a dramat-

ic overhead lift, done skillfully by Trillium Harker as Prince Siegfried and Ashwin Chisholm-Dharwarkar as “complete villain” Von Rathbart.

Behind all of Anastasia’s moving parts was director Nikhil Attanasi, who said that directing a show of this scale “had been a dream of [his] for a very long time.”

Attanasi chose Anastasia out of five highly-requested musicals on Curtain Call’s shortlist, a show he had “held very close to [his] heart.”

“I started the year with a theme of community and collaboration, and a major motif of Anastasia is home, love and family,” he said. “I feel like it was very representative of what I wanted to get out of the year.”

When asked what messages audiences could take from Anastasia, Attanasi said, “The main thing that I really hope people take away from this is that regardless of your past, however messy it might be, you can always choose to rewrite your own story.”

Anastasia’s theme of found family paralleled cast members' experience with CCP. Many said that CCP was a fun and supportive environment great for making friends.

“Even though rehearsals are tiring, I’ll leave feeling energized and really happy with what we’re putting together,” said Hannah Franklin, who plays young Anya and young Prince Alexei.

“It feels like just hanging out with your friends, because everyone’s passionate about it and it’s so much fun,” said ensemble member Abbie Davis, who also credited CCP for allowing her to reconnect with theatre.

As for next year, Attanasi said that the CCP will seek a board of directors for the new season “as soon as this show is done.” The show is usually announced in the fall, after which auditions are held. There will also be a crew call (makeup, hair, costumes and tech) and a call for band members.

Fans eagerly await new release from local rockers, Red Output

Red Output’s sophomore EP, Is, releases on streaming April 17

MARKUS MADILL

Red Output, the Kitchener/ Guelph-based post-punk band, is releasing their second EP, Is, on April 17. The group has garnered a sizable cult following among music enthusiasts in Southern Ontario through their funky, punchy sound that is inspired by other bands such as The Strokes, Fontaines D.C., shame and Geese. The band describes themselves as having an “in-yourface sonic fingerprint.”

Is, the band’s first major (non-single) release in over four

years, will contain six total tracks, three of which have been released as singles prior to the EP’s final drop.

The lead single, “Mud Wit Burz,” is a musical joyride about the magic of love and making things with the people you love. Lead guitarist Brent Watts said love is “the thing that is very clearly greater than us, and is what colours humanity as unique.”

The song is endlessly energetic and contains a hearty dose of funk that grips you for the entire

run time. The lyrics are rather nonsensical, but in a fun, tonguein-cheek manner. To use the lyrics of “Mud Wit Burz,” it’s a real “booty-poppin’” tune. Within the

SHEBAD is pushing their artistic boundaries in INNER OPENINGS

The Guelph duo’s newest EP features reimagined recordings of "Inner Rise" and "Open Yourself"

SHEBAD is an indie soul collective that began in 2019 when two University of Guelph music students, Claire Voy And Ciccio Spagnolo, met after witnessing each other's performances on campus. Bonding over their love of jazz music and overlapping tastes, the two started writing together and have been collaborators ever since.

SHEBAD aims to include a multitude of local artists in their craft, whether that's the band who plays with them live or the visual artists who create their cover art. Their newest EP, INNER OPENINGS, stands as a testament to those values.

Released in late February of this year, INNER OPENINGS is the duo’s first “intentionally collaborative" project, with features from artists King Cruff and Anomalie. While in the past, SHEBAD has been used to

home-recording sessions, INNER OPENINGS was recorded over two eight-hour sessions at Studio Dandurand in Montreal. This was a new approach to the process of music-making for the band, but also a new take on their songs, with the EP featuring reimagined versions of earlier songs, “Inner Rise” and “Open Yourself.”

Though the group felt that the results of their revamped approach were nothing short of amazing, any new creative voyages can pose challenges. Learning to record tracks on a strict time crunch and understanding how to work with collaborators’ schedules proved to be a demanding, but rewarding part of the experience. Being able to record in a studio and work with experienced sound engineers was a valuable opportunity for Voy and Spagnolo, who especially enjoyed being able to track together, something they

don’t get to do often during home recording sessions.

SHEBAD are huge fans of both King Cruff and Anomalie, and said it was a previously unexplored experience for the two to create music intended for a feature—especially features from artists they were striving to impress. Yet, SHEBAD loved seeing what other artists could add to a song, often discovering they could take it in a direction that was unexpected in the best ways. The duo admired the way they could give their collaborators a part of something, then they would completely rework it, with the features shaping the songs and adding a whole new sound to SHEBAD. The group chose to reimagine “Inner Rise” and “Open Yourself” because they’d always loved the songs, which had performed well live, but felt that more could be added to them.

The second single, “CLAY,” is a far more intense and emotional track about the mind's ability to stray from reality. Drummer Jo Seymour, who joined the band in 2024, has his moment in the spotlight on this track. His drumming is the primary through-line of “CLAY.” Lead vocalist Ryan O’Donnell also gives it his all on this track, pushing the envelope of his own capability as a singer. “CLAY” is a short exhilarating thrill-ride of controlled chaos.

context of the EP’s release cycle, the song is essentially Red Output’s way of saying, “We’re back! Here’s a short, fun bit of awesome nonsense, let's have some fun.”

The EP’s final single, “Gnawing at the Cage” (which at the time of writing this article, remains unreleased and is currently slated to drop March 27), is far more atmospheric than the previous two songs. With its echoing, reverberating vocals and distorted guitar riffs, it manages to stand out as a unique entity in Red Output’s catalogue. Everything meshes together to create a soundscape that engulfs the listener whole. The production on “Gnawing at the Cage” is one of the EP’s biggest strengths. Alongside “CLAY,” “Gnawing at the Cage” marks a moody, intense and uncompromisingly direct shift in the band’s sound.

INNER OPENINGS has a sound that takes inspiration from some of the duo’s dance-driven favorites, such as Daft Punk and Kaytranada. When performing live music, Voy and Spagnolo have come to love watching the way that music and dance can bring people together. The way that strangers bond in “very human moments” at concerts is something the group has aimed to facilitate at their live shows. INNER OPENINGS creates that experience for listeners, while still managing to hold onto the sound that makes SHEBAD the beloved band they are.

INNER OPENINGS goes beyond the name of the EP. It’s a descriptor for what the duo went

through in creating their songs, which required them to acknowledge their strengths and weaknesses, pushing themselves out of their creative comfort zones in a new way.

Look out for upcoming projects from SHEBAD as they hope to continue in this direction with their future work. Voy and Spagnolo are currently working on their second full-length album, with an expected release date sometime in 2027. They’d like to use the lessons they’ve learned from working with other musicians to create a project that highlights the female and queer energy that has shaped SHEBAD’s creative endeavours.

Consume Me: A story of teenage hardships, dieting and societal pressure

A synopsis of the semi-autobiographical game

HUDA SHOAIB

Consume Me is a semi-autobiographical video game released on Sept. 25, 2025, documenting the life of developer Jenny Jiao Hsia.

The game focuses on the daily schedule of senior high school student Jenny, emphasizing the impact of an eating disorder on her life. The player is tasked with tracking fictional units of energy called “bites” while also completing a series of minigames such as practicing makeup, choosing outfits and studying. Additionally, the player must successfully maintain their mood, energy, and money, which are affected by the outcomes of the minigames.

The game’s beginning is set in June 2011, where we see the early development of Jenny’s eating disorder. Jenny meticulously tracks her “bites” intake and weight to see if she meets her goals for the

week. Jenny is put under immense pressure as she keeps up with her academics, chores, social life and strict diet. On a positive note, Jenny begins seeing a boy named Oliver and he is supportive of her dreams. By the time summer ends, Oliver moves away to attend Cornell University, while Jenny returns for her final year of high school.

In Chapter 2, Jenny begins her senior year of high school and is plagued with deadlines, exams and university applications on top of her household chores and diet plan. As a result, Jenny works harder than ever to earn top grades, while restricting her diet even further and keeping up with her required household chores. Despite applying for many schools, Jenny dreams of attending Cornell University so that she may see her boyfriend again.

Arts and Drafts event brings creatives together with a good drink

The English Students’ Society hosted their annual event on March 18

In Chapter 5, Jenny is now a student at New York University, studying as a pre-med student to eventually become a doctor. She was rejected from Cornell, but given a chance to transfer schools to see Oliver again—only by maintaining excellent grades in her current classes. Despite these challenges, Jenny continues to work as hard as she can to improve her performance while still keeping up with her diet plan. Despite working tirelessly to earn her transfer into Cornell, her boyfriend suddenly breaks up with her. This completely crushes Jenny and leads to a huge change in her future career plans, as attending Cornell no longer matters to her. She also begins taking electives that she is far more passionate about. The game concludes with Jenny changing her path as she begins taking elective game design classes

to achieve an “easy A.” She makes the decision to pursue a career in game development instead. Years pass and Jenny continuously grows in the field of indie game development, going to GDC talks and parties, eventually becoming a speaker at these conferences. She also meets new like-minded people who end up joining her development team. After creating many games with the help of her friends, they begin work on a small summer project loosely revolving around Jenny’s teenage years and her struggles with disordered eating, naming it Consume Me. Of course, the “small” project ends up taking several years and more dedication than ever expected, with the game finally being released in 2025.

In a Polygon interview, Hsia said that she chose not to include the darker aspects of disordered eating, adding that it only appears

in the game with a lighter lens on the subject matter. It was originally intended to focus solely on the reality of dieting, but as the project grew larger and development progressed, it became a game about many other aspects of teenage life

Consume Me won three awards at the Independent Games Festival and was nominated for Games for Impact at The Game Awards 2025. It was also nominated across many other awards shows, including the Golden Joystick Awards 2025, the New York Game Awards and the D.I.C.E. Awards. From studying to become a doctor to pursuing her true passion for game development, Hsia, along with the help of her team, created a story that desperately needed telling for so many others facing their own hardships during teenage life.

2023,

Arts and Drafts welcomed performers to share their talent on-stage. Photo

credit: Keira De Canha an annual Arts and Drafts event to bring together drinks, food and artistry—from live perfor-

mances to vendors—to celebrate the student art community. This year’s event took place on the evening of March 18th at Silence Guelph, a local venue for music and sound events.

Arts and Drafts is a community-based event which recognizes, acknowledges and nurtures the diversified talent of artists, poets, musicians, improv performers, comedians, vendors and anyone who wants to share their work with like-minded people.

TESS is a student society

that aims to foster a safe space for anyone who has a passion for literature, art and music to come together in a creative third space. As expressed by TESS members, the society hopes to connect students and arts faculty members through their events. The safe and supportive energy that TESS aims to facilitate was clearly in place at this year’s Arts and Drafts event.

This year, event organizers created an intimate environment for art viewing and enjoyment.

In a supportive, welcoming atmosphere, artists could feel more comfortable sharing their work. Guests could step into a warm community they might otherwise miss as our lives tend to grow more isolated. TESS members emphasized that, through this event, people are encouraged to socialize and form new connections; people may even walk away from Arts and Drafts with a new friend.

There is no right time to draft art, but there is definitely a right time to showcase it. It should happen when one feels ready to break the wall of discomfort within and let the art speak for them, out there and out loud. Events like these are the perfect opportunity to put oneself out there; the more one does it, the more comfortable they’ll feel. For artists hesitant to share their work publicly, the journey of letting their voice be heard can definitely be slow. One might start by using a pen name, reading other people’s work and attending events like these. Branching out will help new artists realize that, while it may initially seem daunting,it can turn into one of the best experiences of their lives—sharing a piece of themselves with a community they now belong to.

SPORTS & HEALTH

Getting to know the Gryphons’ newest netminder

From first saves to season-saving stops, Olivier Ciarlo gives insight into his first hockey season at the University of Guelph

SOPHIA PHILBERT

Despite his intense superstition about not speaking a single word on game day, the Guelph Gryphons’ first-year goalie, Olivier Ciarlo, had a lot to share about his journey from the juniors to OUA.

In his debut with the Gryphons in the 2025-2026 season, the Quebec-born goaltender quickly established himself as a key presence in the net, saving 707 shots across 26 games, maintaining an impressive .902 save percentage (SV%). Although his game-day tradition is silence, Olivier Ciarlo’s performance in the OUA crease has been nothing short of deafening, supported by his time in the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League (QMJHL) and the British Columbia Hockey League (BCHL).

The path from Montreal to Guelph

First arriving in the QMJHL in 2020, Ciarlo had an impressive four-year, 127-game run with the Baie-Comeau Drakkar.

The star goalie and Laval native shared fond memories of his old team. “I achieved quite a few things on that team, and then, you know, all my friends, my billet family and I was pretty close with people in town,” he said.

His tenure with the Baie-Comeau Drakkar was nothing short of incredible, dominating his final season, going 20-3-2 with an .896 SV%.

Ciarlo’s journey throughout the juniors was not without its challenges. A mid-season interleague trade to QJMHL’s Blainville-Boisbriand Armada forced the goalie to reset mentally, pushing him to the next level in developing his consistency. What initially came as a shock and a tough situation to overcome turned into a personal opportunity to grow and reconnect, bringing him closer to his family than ever before in his career.

“It was nice to be closer to home…my relationship with my parents is pretty important,” Ciarlo said.

Despite the impact of the trade on Ciarlo’s mental side of the game, he looks back with pride on his 20 games played with the Blainville Armada. Ciarlo’s last stop in the juniors was in Calgary, Alberta, with the Okotoks Oilers, playing a strong 40 games before transitioning to the Guelph Gryphons.

Signing with the Gryphons

For many students, let alone student athletes, the jump from secondary to post-secondary is one of life’s biggest adjustments. With a limited 26-game schedule—a sharp decrease from the 68 and 54 games played each season in the QMJHL and BCHL—each game has higher stakes, greater pressure and greater demands.

The difference in the level of competition is what separates junior hockey from the OUA for Ciarlo. “Every single game that we play is physical, it's hard, it's tough on the body,” he said.

This jump, however, has made no noticeable difference on the netminder as demonstrated by his OUA #1 Play of the Week on Jan. 21 with an incredible save against Toronto Metropolitan University.

Ciarlo committed to the Gryphons in March 2025, a decision he now sees as a defining step in both his academic and athletic career.

“I feel like I made a great decision being in Guelph,” Ciarlo said. “I've enjoyed it and [am] planning on staying here for five years and doing my schooling here for five years. I'm excited for what's coming up.”

Outside of the rink, Guelph has provided Ciarlo the balance he was searching for, a city with the right amount of student buzz to be fun, but not overrun with external pressures for a budding student-athlete.

For Ciarlo, game day success is built through a combination of silence before the puck drop and bringing an electric energy to the team. He said, “We're a great group and we're very united. We're all good buddies. That's what's really fun about it.”

Throughout his success in his rookie season, Ciarlo quickly earned the trust of his teammates and built strong relationships with coaches, emerging as a strong, reliable last line of defence for the Gryphons.

Beyond the paint

Ciarlo’s game is built on a foundation of hard work, passion, and, more than anything, his intense displeasure at being scored on.

Ciarlo’s structured approach to consistency goes beyond the rink and is what fuels Ciarlo’s success, whether in a game, a weekday practice or in the classroom. His mentality of consistency both on and off the ice is one of the biggest lessons he learned this year and is advice he’s happy to share with other first-year students and fellow student-athletes.

“It goes for goalies, it goes for players, but it's really the consistency of everything…You do this in hockey, in life and in school. You have to stay consistent,” he said.

To Ciarlo, consistency is not simply getting practical reps in. “It's your attitude, your focus, how you

treat your body. It's really consistency that helps you with everything,” he said.

A second life in the Royal City

Looking ahead, Ciarlo is optimistic about his future at Guelph and the future success of Gryphon’s men's hockey, stating that time in the OUA is “kind of your second career of junior… It’s your second life.”

Ciarlo finished his first OUA season, earning unique individual achievements like OUA Player of the Week for Feb. 23, 2026 and #1 Play of the Week, but shared that the most important thing to him going forward is to “stay a good teammate [and] stay a good guy.”

The highlight of his first season was not a personal record or individual honour, but a team accomplishment, winning Ciarlo his first playoff series ever. Not only did Ciarlo stop 85 shots across the three-game series, but he also sent the Laurier Goldenhawks packing with a shutout in Game 3.

“That was the happiest I've ever been in hockey,” he said. “I've had a lot of things happen to me in hockey in junior…it doesn't come close to anything.”

After an outstanding rookie season and evidence of strong playoff potential, Ciarlo brings values of hard work, passion and consistency, feeling that this Gryphon group is “the closest group I've ever played with.”

While his game-day silence is an unchanging ritual, Ciarlo confidently sees this team getting better by the year and promises that “greatness will come eventually, within the next few years.”

Psyche Series: Challenging the ‘perfect victim’

Exploring the notion of the 'perfect victim' in sexual and gender-based violence with insights from Sexual Violence Prevention Educator Wil Prakash Fujarczyk

ATHAVI NISHAANTHAN

Perhaps it’s all the fairy tales children are raised on that instill the subconscious process of searching for the perfect story. There’s something about hearing a clear, perfect story with two-dimensional characters that makes it easy to know who to root for, which in turn makes it all the more believable and real. While this can work for fairy tales, it does translate to real life. However, that doesn’t stop society from

seeking the 'perfect victim.' The 'perfect victim' is who society wants to see when there’s a tragedy. Someone who’s pure and easy to love and sympathize with. Typically, in Western societies, the 'perfect victim' is a young, petite, pretty, blue-eyed, blonde, cisgender, straight, white girl who’s never done anything wrong or controversial before. Anyone who strays from this narrative is critiqued and what sets them

Blades of grace: Figure skating showcase

U of G figure skating club performs at College Royal

SYCHE SERIE

apart from the 'perfect victim' is used against them. Especially in cases of sexual and gender-based violence.

According to Wil Prakash Fujarczyk, sexual violence prevention educator, “A lot of the assumptions people have of survivors are rooted in harmful ideas. For example, stereotypes around Black girls include being seen as more mature, less innocent and more promiscuous than their non-Black peers, and as a result, we have research that shows us that Black women and girls who disclose experiences of sexual violence are less likely to be believed. Stereotypes and myths around trans people, particularly trans women, people living with disabilities, sex workers and more contribute to the perfect victim narrative as well,” Fujarczyk said.

Fujarczyk stresses that these notions, narratives, stereotypes and myths are why sexual and gender-based violence prevention and awareness work is closely connected to anti-oppression.

Although it is important to recognize that survivors who fit the 'perfect victim' image still endure unimaginable challenges in relation to sexual and gender-based violence, it is essential that society accepts that the backbone of justice and medical systems, as well as society as a whole,

is built on oppression in order to provide adequate, equitable care. This means support that is anti-racist, anti-classist, anti-ableist, pro-sex worker, trans-inclusive and accessible for everyone. Sexual and gender-based violence is not a fairytale. It’s not a clear, black and white story. It is a deeply complex issue with multidimensional parties involved. We all need to actively challenge the notion of the 'perfect victim' and support survivors without conditions.

ARTICLE

&

PHOTOS BY AVERY K. NUTTLEY

On the opening day of College Royal, March 21, the Figure Skating Club lined up 26 performances from 11:30 a.m. to 1:30 p.m.

The team is the largest it’s been in past years with over 20 members. Club leaders Eivina Stavickyte and Zoie Collins-Fedele led the team in their performances.

The day of the showcase, Collins-Fedele made oatmeal muffins for the members and Stavickyte shared words of motivation with the team, stating “The show is for you.” Club members offered advice to one another and assistance with their outfits and hair.

Beginning with a playing of the national anthem, talents

combined when the anthem was performed by saxophone on the ice. The skaters had time for one last moment of practice with a five minute skate period. The opening performance was filled with moves such as sit spins, laybacks and knee slides.

Six of the performances were choreographed in a group or pair, with weeks of preparation on full display as they performed their routines.

The showcase closed with an appreciation of members who were graduating or had been on with the team for a while. They were rewarded with medals and applause.

Spring recipes

Step into spring with fresh recipes from The Ontarion

KEIRA BURCHALL

Codfish Fritters/Cakes

This recipe can make around 25 fritters and is a great, simple Portuguese snack (Pasteis de Bacalhau) to enjoy as spring approaches.

Ingredients:

• 4 to 5 large white potatoes

• 1 lb boneless salted codfish

• 3 eggs

• 1 onion, chopped finely

• Canola, sunflower or vegetable oil, for frying

• 1 tbsp minced garlic or garlic powder

• 2 tbsp parsley or thyme

• Optional: salt and pepper to taste

Directions:

1. Prepare the codfish. Rinse quickly under running wa-

ter to remove the top layer of salt. Place the pieces in a large bowl of water, enough to have the fish fully submerged. Cover the bowl and change the water twice until the fish is desalted, leaving it to soak for 12 hours. Note: The water should be clear and have no residue of salt. If the water is still cloudy, change the water again and let it sit for a few more hours.

2. Peel potatoes and cut into similar sized pieces. Boil the potatoes and mash. Set them aside.

3. Simmer the presoaked codfish in boiling water until tender and flakey.

4. Mix the cod and mashed potato. Add the eggs one at a time then combine the onion and the optional seasonings,

parsley, thyme and pepper. Taste and add seasonings as desired.

5. Roll the mixture into small balls, or use two spoons to shape the mixture into eggshaped ovals. Note: You may, depending on the size, want to flatten the balls while frying.

6. Heat the oil in a medium sized pan. Carefully place each fritter into the oil and continue to turn or flip the

After Game 7 heartbreak, Blue Jays begin their road back into the World Series

The Blue Jays’ 2025 campaign ended in bitter despair for many fans, though an air of hopefulness lingers as they begin their 2026 season

BEN SEATON

As last year’s baseball season began, the outlook for Toronto’s future was uncertain. There was speculation that if the club failed to re-sign Vladimir Guerrero Jr., the team may head into a major rebuild depending on their status by August of 2025. Luckily, they were able to re-sign Guerrero Jr. for another 14 years.

When August arrived, it brought tremendous success for the Blue Jays. The Jays were riding the crest of a magnificent wave. The momentum they had built throughout the season carried into October and took them to the biggest stage of baseball, only to fall short in the final moments of Game 7 against the Dodgers. Now that the dust has

settled after that loss, and Spring Training is nearing its end, the Blue Jays seem poised for another deep playoff run this year.

The Jays took to the market quickly following the end of their season. Just a month after the World Series, looking to fill a gap in their starting rotation, they signed right-hander Dylan Cease to a monumental seven-year, $210 million contract—the largest free agent signing in Blue Jays history. This signing immediately strengthens the top of Toronto’s rotation by giving the club another ace to pair with its existing starters.

Then, after failing to re-sign Bo Bichette and missing out on both the Alex Bregman and Kyle

Tucker sweepstakes, Toronto made an interesting move in signing Kazuma Okamoto. The Jays signed the 29-year-old third baseman from Japan to a respectable four-year, $60 million contract.

The signing is notable for two reasons: the first is that it fills a hole left in the middle of the order by Anthony Santander’s injury-plagued stint with the team, adding a three-time Japanese home run champ. The second is that it solves a defensive problem for Toronto’s infield.

If Bichette had returned, Addison Barger might have been forced into a role at third base, despite his acumen as an outfielder. With the addition of Okamoto at third, Barger moves safely

Ingredients:

• 1 lb dry pasta, fusilli is recommended

• 1 bell pepper

• 1 zucchini

• 1 cup of cherry tomatoes

• 1 cup feta or mozzarella balls

• 1 cup of black olives

• 1 green onion

• Italian vinaigrette dressing, amount used dependent on taste

• Optional: chopped banana peppers, cucumber or parsley

Directions:

1. In a large, salted pot of boiling water add pasta to cook. Drain and rinse under cold water. Then set aside.

fritters until their surface is golden brown.

7. Once cooked, place the fritters onto a paper towel to absorb excess oil. Repeat this process until the mixture is finished!

Pasta Salad

A very fast and quick recipe for those looking to host or pack a simple pick-up meal.

to the outfield, Gimenez takes on Bichette’s spot at shortstop, and Clement takes over at second base. This defence improves on what was already fourth in the league defensively last season.

Another notable off-season signing is the addition of right-handed pitcher Tyler Rogers to a three-year, $37 million deal. Rogers boasts the lowest release point for an active pitcher in MLB at just 1.1 to 1.3 feet off the ground. Combined with Toronto’s standout rookie, Trey Yesavage having the highest release point in the league at an average of 7.1 feet off the ground, opposing batters are going to have their work cut out for them when facing Toronto.

Toronto also signed starting pitcher Cody Ponce to a threeyear, $30 million contract. The 31-year-old is returning to MLB after an MVP season with the Korean Baseball Organization’s Hanwha Eagles, in which he posted a 1.89 earned run average (ERA) and a league record 252 strikeouts.

Ponce’s success in Korea came in large part due to his increased fastball velocity, which makes him a welcome addition to Toronto’s pitching rotation. Other notable off-season moves include re-signing both Max Scherzer and Alejandro Kirk, as well as avoiding arbitration with Ernie Clement, Daulton Varsho and Tyler Heineman.

2. Move the cooked pasta into a medium sized bowl and add your desired amount of Italian vinaigrette dressing onto it, tasting as you go.

3. Add the chopped vegetables or herbs, onion, bell pepper, tomatoes, olives and zucchini into a large bowl and add more dressing. Combine the vegetables and herbs together with the pasta.

4. Top the mixture with feta or mozzarella cheese balls. Mix all ingredients together and adjust with salt or pepper if needed!

Toronto’s strong aim at improving both their pitching rotation and bullpen, which were notable weaknesses in the World Series, should reap dividends as the 2026 season gets underway. Despite this, fans may have some concerns regarding closing pitcher Jeff Hoffman after he gave up a game-tying run in the bottom of the ninth to push Game 7 of the World Series into extra innings—a run that would eventually prove to be the difference-maker in a win for the Dodgers.

Though it was Hoffman’s only home run given up that postseason, fans still speculate on whether or not he has the composure to handle those big moments—after all, what is he for, if not that?

Overall, the Toronto Blue Jays seem to be in a great position heading into the regular season. Their additions to the bullpen and starting rotation, combined with the added power and defence brought by Okamoto, should be enough to propel them towards the off-season with many games to spare. What they do when they get there, however, is anyone’s guess.

If this great ray of sunshine shall stay steadfast and beam through the open roof of the Rogers Centre, fans may be in for a truly unforgettable season. The only drawback is that tickets may not be as cheap as they were at the beginning of last season.

The Ontarion celebrates 75 years of student journalism

A milestone event brings together past and present contributors of U of G’s student newspaper

ALYSSA

CUNNINGHAM

On March 14, former and current staff gathered to celebrate 75 years of The Ontarion, reflecting on decades of student journalism while reconnecting with the same people who were with them along the way.

Held at the University Club, the event brought together alumni spanning multiple generations, all the way from the 1970s to the late 2010s. Previous editor-in-chiefs, section editors, board members and contributors of The Ontarion shared memories of long nights in the newsroom, the ever-changing evolution of publishing, the lasting impact the paper has had on their careers and more.

For Lucca Maggiolo, marketing coordinator at The Ontarion and primary organizer of the event, seeing alumni reconnect with old colleagues made the months of planning worthwhile.

“I feel great just knowing that all our hard work paid off and everyone was able to connect and celebrate The Ontarion with all of their hard work coming together over 75 years as a whole,” Maggiolo said.

Planning the anniversary celebration presented a unique challenge for the current editorial team because the paper's history stretches back to 1951, making the current staff need to find ways to reach alumni who had worked at the paper across different decades.

“That was probably one of

the hardest parts,” Maggiolo said. “First thinking, what date, what year should we go back to? We started around the 1970s, but we didn’t really have [the records] to contact alumni.”

To reconnect with former staff, current section editors sifted through the archived issues of The Ontarion to track down the names of past contributors and work from there.

“My first recommendation was to start on LinkedIn and just search and reach out,” Maggiolo said. “We also asked people to pass the invitation along if they were still in contact with others they worked with.”

Despite the logistical challenges, the event successfully brought together a wide range of former staff members who once filled the newsroom.

For Associate Editor Emmerson Jull, who helped to plan the celebration, the event was an opportunity to acknowledge the many people who contributed to the newspaper's legacy.

“We’re just so grateful to everyone that came out to celebrate with us,” Jull said. “It was really exciting to meet people who had been in our shoes and laid the pavers for where we are now in the work that we’re doing.”

The celebration also highlighted collaborations within the Guelph community with a decorative balloon backdrop, which was

created by local business Blooms & Balloons, owned by Stacy Kumar.

“She was fabulous,” Jull said. “It was such a great collaboration that we could highlight her as well.”

Along with the beautiful decor, an archives station was prepared by current Ontarion section editors, giving attendees a chance to revisit past editions of The Ontarion and see how the newspaper has evolved.

“I don’t think the event would have been the same without those people really going through the archives,” Jull said.

Among those attending the celebration was Paul Harris, former editor-in-chief and news editor who worked at The Ontarion during the 1980s. Harris recalled joining The Ontarion during a period of change, when several longterm staff members had recently stepped away.

“There was actually a big shake-up at the time,” Harris said. “People who had been in charge of the paper for quite a long time had moved on around the same time, and there was a sort of vacuum there.”

Harris originally began as a volunteer reporter before eventually taking on larger editorial roles when that shift created an opportunity for a new editorial team to step in. Despite his initial enthusiasm at the time, Harris reflected

on how demanding working in a newsroom could be.

At the time, the production process was far more manual than today’s digital publishing. Pages were photographed as negatives and physically delivered to a printing press.

“It was always a race against time to get the negatives to the printer,” Harris said. “We had to shoot the negatives and transport them to the printer so it could be printed that night and distributed the next day.”

Even after long nights preparing the paper, Harris said he often returned the following morning to see other students pick up the newest issue.

“No matter how late we stayed up the night before, I would go to the University Centre when the paper was being dropped off,” Harris said. “I would sit there watching people pick up the paper. There’s a sort of ‘I did that’ feeling to seeing the actual paper come out.”

Another former editor-in-chief, J. Avolio, also attended the anniversary celebration. However, Avolio’s path through The Ontarion began not with writing, but with design. They first joined the paper in 2011 as a volunteer reporter and eventually found themselves to be the layout director and advertising designer before stepping into the editor-in-chief role.

“Maybe it was a bit more spur

of the moment,” Avolio said. “The roles would turn over every year. When I knew the editor-in-chief position would be open, I thought, ‘I want to keep working at The Ontarion. I love it here.’”

During their time as an undergrad, Avolio initially was enrolled as an English minor before switching to fine arts to pursue both writing and design. Today, Avolio runs their own brand design business called Liminal States and has recently returned to writing projects, including publishing a book titled A Manifesto for the Tired Freelancer.

One of Avolio’s most lasting projects still contributes and remains highly visible to the newspaper today—The Ontarion’s logo.

“The Ontarion logo was actually my first paid logo design job,” Avolio said. “So I have a lot of sentimental feelings toward it…I almost got a little bit emotional coming into this building. I haven’t been here in probably 13 years since I worked at The Ontarion, [but] it feels so familiar.”

The anniversary celebration served as a tribute to the newspaper's past, but it also stood as a reminder of the community that continues to shape it because even after 75 years, The Ontarion is still and will always be working towards connecting generations of student writers, artists, designers and more.

21 | STUDY ABROAD

OSAP, ASAP

He’s done it again, folks!

ARTICLE & PHOTOS BY NED BARR

On Feb. 12, Premier Doug Ford announced the political plan of a lifetime. No, not tearing down another park for the establishment of a private business funded by his friends. Nope, not ripping out bike lanes to stifle cyclists and buff up the motor industry. Douglas Robert Ford, Jr. apparently woke up one cold morning and had the brilliant idea to tackle Ontario’s greatest enemy: Student aid.

The Ontario Student Assistance Program (OSAP) is a loan system that allows post-secondary students to apply for government funding to pay for tuition, rent and other costs associated with education. Depending on your parents’ income (or yours, if you can prove yourself independent), you are allotted a certain amount of money, split between grants (given to you) and loans (you have to pay back). As it stands presently, the maximum percentage of OSAP grant allocation is 85 per cent. Ford has now stated that in the fall, that number will drop to 25 per cent.

Let’s put that into perspective. Say you are allotted $17,000 in OSAP aid. For the 2025-2026 school year, if you were given the maximum possible percentage of

grants, you would only end up having to pay back a little over $2,000. However, With these cuts for the 2026-2027 academic year, even if you are once again allowed the maximum percentage of grants, you will have to pay back almost $13,000.

Seven years following his $600 million cut to OSAP funding, Ford has made no mention of how that particular blunder could have led to these new changes. Instead, he claimed that post-secondary students are picking “basket-weaving courses,” a heartbreakingly vintage statement that really hammers home not only how he places no value whatsoever on the arts, but also that he has not stepped foot on a modern university campus. As a matter of fact, Ford has probably never stepped on a university campus at all, when one considers that he dropped out of what’s now Humber Polytechnic after just two months to join his family business.

If it wasn’t so nauseating, his claim that the people who want to get degrees will work harder to find the money to pay their loans back would be almost funny when you consider that they come from a man who has never had to work

hard to pay for anything in his entire life. Realistically, what this stems from is a desire for an uneducated working class, an educated upper class, an insurmountable wall between the two, and a distaste and dislike of art and the humanities.

The Premier wants you to not be able to afford school so that you can work at his business partner’s factory.

In the provincial election last year, less than half of eligible voters cast a ballot. Less than half. That means that more than half of the province could not be bothered to send in a mail slip,walk, drive or take the bus (not cycle, remember, since bike

lanes are bad) to a polling station near them. Now, of course, there are many conversations to be had about voting access, especially in the more rural parts of Ontario. But aside from one northern riding, all the ridings with below 35 per cent turnout were an hour’s distance from Toronto. Even Doug Ford’s own Toronto riding of Etobicoke North saw no more than 33 per cent of eligible voters cast their ballots. What on earth is going on?

With the entire internet at the entire world’s fingertips, there is no excuse for an individual to not know who the candidates running for election in their province are. It would be a

considerable mistake for people to assume that an election will not affect them. If you are truly up in arms about OSAP cuts, you can do far more than a social media post. Show it by casting your vote strategically against the party seeking to rid you of your education in the next provincial election.

Despite his promises to everyone, to the farmers and bureaucrats and don’t-know-betters, despite his supposed threats against Donald Trump that faded into meek acquiescence, Doug Ford has shown time and time again that all he cares about is the interests of himself and those who fund him. Students are not worth his time. Education is not worth his time. If you don’t have the money to pay for university or college already, then suit up and get to work cementing up the Green Belt. Some may argue that the OSAP cuts aren’t technically cuts, just reverting grants into loans. The effect is still the same. Many capable and brilliant individuals will now be left in the weeds by a system that refuses to prioritize their education. Unable to afford university in a society where university is made out to be the key to a successful future, students and prospective students in Ontario who may not be able to pay lucrative tuition fees have suddenly become untethered to prosperity. The province will see a substantial loss of radiant capability in the coming years as a result of this change to OSAP, so much of a loss that it’s almost laughable.

Or, at least, it must be laughable at Queen’s Park.

Pants, snow and school spirit

Reflections from a Scottish exchange student in Guelph

ALEX GRANT

From August to December 2025, I had the amazing opportunity to study abroad at the University of Guelph. As a Scottish student from the University of Dundee, I was not hit with massive culture shock, but there were still noticeable differences.

The idea of school spirit is not foreign to me, but experiencing it is. My frequent encounters with the Guelph Gryphon made me wonder if my university even has a mascot—which, it turns out, we do. Seeing so many people walking around campus in Guelph Gryphons merch was odd to me, as no one wears Dundee university branded clothing on a day-to-day basis, and the only equivalent I can think of is people wearing society merch.

This leads to the fact that I have never watched a university sports game in Dundee. In Guelph, my friends and I would watch hockey every Friday night and see a rugby game whenever we could, and the university frequently promoted its games. At

Dundee, sports are run entirely by societies and I hear very little about it. The Guelph Gryphon school spirit created a great atmosphere that would be nice to experience at my home university.

Another huge difference was the weather. I know, what a stereotype: Brits love talking about the weather. We really do. Until my time in Canada, I had not seen proper snow in about seven years. In Scotland, or at least in the parts where I have lived, it rains all the time. It rained everyday across the UK until mid-February in 2026, and in Aberdeen, just an hour north of my own city of Dundee, it went over three weeks without seeing the sun. When I was in Canada, it snowed, but the sun still made frequent appearances. It was cold, yes, but at least it was sunny. Next time you see a joke about how a sliver of sun sends all Brits to the beer gardens, know that it is not an over exaggeration and that I will be there, too.

Whilst both English-speak-

ing countries, the dialects were slightly different. This is a small, very much incomplete, Canadian to British-English dictionary with anecdotes:

• Pants: whilst this means trousers in Canada, it means underwear in the UK. In the UK, pants are either referred to by what they are (e.g., jeans, skirt, trousers, joggers, etc.), or as trousers or bottoms. My Canadian friend was talking about a concert she went to where the artist “took off her pants” and I had the brief mental image of her being naked from the waist down on stage until I realized

Moving past the stigma: Understanding neurodivergence

Understanding neurodivergence as a natural variation in how people think and why accommodation matters

GILLIAN STEVENS

Ihave often witnessed neurodivergence being misunderstood and viewed in a negative light. You’ve probably heard of the word “neurodivergent.” Maybe on TikTok, in a podcast or a friend casually mentioned having ADHD in a conversation. While the term seems to be used often, understanding does not always follow. Neurodivergence should be recognized as a natural variation in how people think, and I believe we need to move beyond shame toward accommodation and sup-

port in our communities.

Imagine you plant a garden of tulips. All colourful and full of life, awaiting their day to bloom and fill your yard with colour. When they finally bloom, one reveals a rose. It is still soft and bright, with tall green stems and cup-like blooms, much like the tulips around it. The rose is unexpected, it is different and stands out amongst the tulips, yet it is still just as beautiful. Being neurodivergent is similar–simply different from what is expected, but

still beautiful.

The term “neurodivergent” is from the neurodiversity movement in the 1990s: a movement that upholds the idea that no brain processes information or functions the same. It was developed alongside the term neurotypical, which is when one's brain functions align with societal expectations. Neurodivergent is a neutral, non-medical term which many people choose to describe themselves as, when their brain functions differently from what is

she meant trousers.

• Queue: a very British word— which I should have realized—meaning line. More specifically, “lining up” or “waiting in line” becomes “queueing up” or “waiting in the queue.” My British friends and I were speaking to a bartender about how long the queue to get into the club was, and he had to ask us what we meant before understanding. He immediately guessed that we were British.

• Football/soccer: in the UK, football is what Canadians call soccer. What Canadians call football, we call Ameri-

considered typical. It isn’t a disorder or deficit, it’s simply a difference in how someone’s brain works or processes the world. Since there is no official list for types of neurodivergence, some individuals decide not to identify as neurodivergent even when sharing similar traits. Polls suggest that 20 per cent of people worldwide identify as neurodivergent, with many communities facing barriers such as lack of resources, stereotypes, cultural barriers and fear of stigma, preventing individuals from receiving a diagnosis. As awareness grows, we can create more accommodations for those with neurodiversity and create environments that celebrate different ways of thinking, learning and experiencing the world.

Some people believe that neurodiversity is overdiagnosed, but it is important to remember that conditions sometimes classified as neurodivergent is not something an individual can simply control. Living in a neurotypical world can make every day life more difficult and these challenges can become more complex than sim-

can football. We do not use the word soccer. I almost missed an important meeting because I did not realize how long American football goes on for and was expecting it to take at most two and a half hours. Do they really have to stop the clock every time someone drops the ball?

Experiencing a new culture, however similar, will always come with its moments of culture shock, but that should not stop you from taking the leap and studying in a new country. It can be fascinating learning about new cultures, and the stories you will be able to tell will be worth it all.

ply having to “try harder” to fit in. While it is true, social media has played a role in the awareness and self representation of neurodivergence, many who identify as having neurodivergence still report lacking the accommodations needed. Rather than dismissing these experiences as trends, we should better ourselves in understanding and providing meaningful support.

After learning about neurodivergence, I believe it is important that we make a conscious effort to understand neurodivergence and move past negative connotations in order to help support the people in our communities. Remember that everyone's brain is unique and that no way is wrong—just different.

Neurodivergent individuals deserve understanding, respect and accommodation, not to be stereotyped or compared to society's narrow idea of ”normal.” Next time you meet “a rose among the tulips,” try to understand their journey and personal lived experiences, remembering that these differences help to make our world richer and more colourful.

Let food become fuel

Detach from what thought you knew about food

PRIYANKA KALLA

Spring is a time of renewal, nourishment and movement that arrives after months of our bodies feeling cold and stuck. The only thing that can provide true fulfillment during this magical time is food.

Our relationship with food is one of the most intimate relationships we have. It is also the most misunderstood, neglected and underestimated aspect of our lives.

In 2023, I was as disconnected and ignorant as a person could be regarding food. It resulted in a painful chronic condition that doctors failed to diagnose, let alone cure, for almost fifteen months. I was prescribed antibiotics, given injections and experienced daily brain fog and nausea due to how much my body was being put through. Eventually, I became acquainted with a doctor who recognized that my mystery illness was neither caused nor mended by heavy medication, but rather my daily eating habits. While this was a harsh reality check on its own, nothing could have prepared me for the revelations that came from my nutritionist.

The biggest? Food is fuel.

After the hibernation that came with the pandemic, I would spend my days unmoving, eating processed foods and rewarding simple tasks with more food. For the average person, this might be repairable damage; for me, it was severely harmful. All along, my body was secretly rejecting the food I was eating multiple times a day, seven days a week.

plicated. It isn’t until we grow into adulthood that many of us finally feel a sense of freedom regarding food.

While my nutritionist was helping me make impactful changes to my everyday habits, I was also advised to delete social media, which granted me time to think about things I had never previously considered.

On my journey of discovering new foods and recipes, finding healthy replacements and cooking 90 per cent of my meals at home, I realized that society is not always helpful in guiding us to make the right decisions. Although chips, chocolates, soda and processed foods are typically cheaper and widely available, whole foods, grains, beans, greens and fruits are often more expensive.

As kids, our lunchboxes would be packed for us, and we underestimated how much that food fueled us to play. Now, it is difficult for me to imagine spending almost an hour playing outside in the snow for recess. It felt incredibly easy back then— maybe that has to do with the variety of colours and nutrients our parents packed in our lunches. What I recall eating most days included at least an apple or an orange, some celery or carrots, a juicebox and a ball of cheese. Those snacks alone provide vitamin C, protein, healthy fats, fibre and enough energy to make you want to run a mile everyday.

• Minutes from campus

• Best rates in town

• 24 hours access

• Drive up units

• Short and long term

• Heated units available

• Secure and convenient

• Mobile Storage (pick up available)

• Indoor climate controlled available

In retrospect, I realized that my attitude towards food had become about control. With the overexposure to the online beauty standard, academic stress and the natural changes the body goes through, food was the only thing I felt that I could control. However, equating food with control eliminated what little freedom I was able to gain and practise regarding my body.

The issue was not simply that food had become a crutch—I also had a severe lack of awareness and information around healthy eating habits, which deteriorated my perception of food.

Our relationships with food can be com-

The most helpful nutrition tip I’ve received is to treat my plate of food like a painting: the more colourful, the better. Whole foods of all varieties help nourish our bodies from the inside out, making us capable and excited to do the things we love and accomplish the goals we have.

Simple changes—such as eating mindfully, eating slowly, drinking more water and allowing food to do the job it does best—unlocks parts of us that can get buried under stress and overworking. Personally, I was fueled to rediscover my art, boost my creativity, spend more time in nature and find my own definition of ‘play’. What would you use the fuel for?

Individuality in sports: Why Alysa Liu’s comeback matters

The importance of playing sports on your own terms

MAGGIE ABRADJIAN

20-year-old Olympic figure skater Alysa Liu has gone viral for her creative routine set to PinkPantheress and Zara Larsson’s “Stateside” remix, but that’s not the only thing she’s being recognized for. With the 2026 Winter Olympics over, Liu made headlines after emerging from a brief retirement brought on by mental-health struggles. Her return yielded two gold medals for the United States, cementing her status as one of this year’s most notable athletes. Aside from the medals she’s won, Liu’s individuality and determination make her an example for athletes everywhere.

Liu has been figure skating since she was five, becoming the youngest female U.S. national champion at 13. Like many young athletes, she experienced an imbalance between her sport and her personal life growing up. Training to compete against older, more experienced athletes left little time for Liu to enjoy life outside of skating. After competing in the 2020 Olympics, Liu retired from skating in 2022 due to burnout. She took a break to prioritize her personal life, wanting to go to college and properly experience her teenage years.

That wasn’t the only reason Liu retired. With total commitment to her craft came extreme expectations: diet restrictions, lack of creative control and minimal free time are all struggles Liu has cited for her early retirement. In a recent interview with Rolling Stone, Liu revealed that water restrictions were imposed on her around upcoming competitions. Instead of drinking water, she was told to gargle it to reduce possible weight gain. Expectations like these reveal that despite how much progress society has made, it is still not enough for women to simply excel at their sport—they have to look good doing it, too.

Given the circumstances, Liu’s decision to pursue her own happiness is an admirable one. When the sport she once loved became a source of constant stress and burnout, she removed it from her life. Giving herself the freedom to live life her way made her eventual comeback even more impactful: Liu returned to skating because she wanted to, not because she had to. Her recent success proves that sports are meant to be enjoyed, and playing a sport out of love instead of obligation pays off.

In an era where female athletes are being recognized more than ever before, with the introduction of the PWHL, the rise of the WNBA and other women’s leagues, standing up for the right to take up space is important. A successful young woman proving that she belongs in sport by winning gold on her own terms is inspiring for

any female athlete. Liu shows that women do not need to conform to the unrealistic standards that female athletes are often held to.

With more attention comes a higher level of scrutiny for women’s behaviour and their bodies. While female athletes are often portrayed as controversial and villainized even for displays of emotion, like Serena Williams, Liu rejects the unfair standards forced upon women. She performs the routines she wants with the songs she wants and allows her costumes to express her personality rather than hide it. Her determination to do her own thing has gained her many fans, especially young women. Liu is responsible for cultivating a new wave of women in sports—women who refuse to conform, who are unafraid to be themselves and play their sport at the same time.

Ambition may be a driving factor for all athletes—who doesn’t want to win an Olympic gold medal?—but Liu shows that you don’t have to sacrifice everything to achieve your dreams. Her comeback this year proved that taking time to herself didn’t affect her performance. Contrary to popular belief, someone’s whole life doesn’t have to revolve around their profession. Her determination to live life on her own terms carries over to her sport, where she refuses to conform to conventional standards. Re-entering the figure skating world on her own terms empowered her to win gold twice and enjoy herself while doing so. Liu sets an example for athletes everywhere that excelling does not have to come at the cost of happiness.

Dancing to music she enjoys during her routines allowed Liu to showcase her own music taste, and attracted a large amount of Gen-Z fans. Viral TikTok songs aren’t the only thing she dances to, but seeing Liu bring current media into her skating and having fun while doing it allows people to connect to Liu’s routines as much as she does, endearing her to her audience even more. Sports don’t always have to be intense and all-consuming—Liu shows that you can have fun with it and embrace your individuality while still thriving.

The significance of Liu’s self-prioritized return is not simply that she is able to enjoy her sport again. It serves as a reminder to female athletes that they do not have to conform to the impossible standards society imposes on them in order to succeed. Whether that means performing a routine to their favourite song, refusing to restrict their diet or prioritizing a healthy work-life balance, Liu demonstrates that women can succeed in anything on their own terms.

APRIL TO-DO LIST

WED APRIL 1

The Last Toast

• 4 - 6 p.m.

• Location: Brass Taps

• Tickets: $20

• Raise a glass to all the memories, hardships, friends and more you created during your time at U of G with this special send-off for graduating students.

• Tickets will include entry, light appetizers, food and a glass of champagne

APRIL 10-12

Gryphcon

• April 10 / 5 - 11 p.m.

• April 11 / 8 a.m. - 11 p.m.

• April 12 / 8 a.m. - 7 p.m.

• Location: Peter Clark Hall

• Tabletop games convention open to the community of Guelph. Come out with your friends and meet other gamers with a variety of games, including various board games, tabletop role-playing games (RPGs), live action role-playing games (LARPs), collectable card games (CCGs), and miniature games

• Ticket prices range from $5$40 depending on how many game slots you want to play.

• Find more information about ticket pricings @gryphcon. org/info.php

SUN APRIL 12

Mamma Mia Drag Brunch

• 12 p.m.

• Location: Royal City Brewing Company / 199 Victoria Road South, Guelph

• Tickets: $15 + HST

• Enjoy yummy food and drinks while belting out the Mamma Mia soundtrack with your besties

Easter Egg Cookie Decoration

• 5 - 7 p.m.

• Location: The Lookout

• Say goodbye to exams and dive into your sweet side by decorating Easter cookies at The Lookout

• Free admission + all materials will be provided

• RSVP for the event on Grpyhlife

SUN APRIL 19 SAT APRIL 25 THURS APRIL 30 TUES APRIL 14

Vintage & Antique Market

• 10 a.m. - 3 p.m.

• Location: Guelph Farmers Market

• A market that covers all your niche-y needs, from jewelry pieces to that perfect thrifted outfit

• Free admission

Guelph Beer Festival

• 1 - 10 p.m.

• Location: The Sleeman Centre

• The 8th annual I Beer Festival is back in Guelph with plenty of beer, ciders, food and activities

• Tickets: $23 + HST

Plant Pot Decorating

• 5 - 7 p.m.

• Location: The Lookout

• A perfect send-off to conclude the winter semester and spring into summer with plant decorating!

• This event is free, and all materials will be provided by the GSA

• RSVP for the event on Gryphlife

PETS OF THE MONTH

MEET JOON!

Breed: Domestic Longhair

Photo: Emma Lee

Age: 14

Fun Fact: She was rescued from a feral cat colony as a kitten.

MEET BUBS!

Breed: Grey ticked tabby

Photo: Ashley Marozsan

Age: 4

Fun Fact: He only has 4 teeth, but that does not stop him from eating his favourite snack (cheetos).

MEET REMY!

Breed: Merle Australian shepherd

Photo: Layla Simpson

Age: 4

Fun Fact: His name was already Remy before we got him, and we wanted his name to be Remy!

MEET PHOEBE!

Breed: Tabby

Photo: Julia Cressman

Age: 4

Fun Fact: She is a very talkative cat and has a best friend named Winnie!

BECAUSE WE ASKED...

What is your favourite study snack?

HOW TO PROCRASTINATE STUDYING FOR YOUR EXAMS

How soon is your exam?

How well do you know the material?

Then what are you doing? Time to lock in.

Have you done your chores this week?

Do you need to pass the exam to pass the class?

You should check. Did you pay attention in class?

Have you gone on a walk lately?

Do you like to study in a group?

GO OUT

It’s time to invite your friends and bring your cue cards downtown! The best way to study is active recall, and you’ll be attempting to recall A LOT after a night out.

CLEANING

Your house will never be cleaner than you can make it right now, the night before your very important exam. Really, get into decluttering, organizing, dusting your baseboards and sweeping behind the fridge— the whole nine yards.

COOK/BAKE

There’s no greater pleasure than a snack while studying. Have you tried hunting down the perfect recipe to then spend four hours frosting elaborate cupcakes?

GYM

Your brain has already hit progressive overload, so we recommend you ditch the books and hit the gym. Maybe a two-hour combined cardio, lift and stretch session will clear your mind enough for that exam.

ONLINE SHOP

The classic in-lecture distraction strikes again during your study sesh, and there’s no need to leave your laptop. Hit the checkout after your exam. A package delivery will make you feel way better after you flunk.

CROSSWORD

38–Smarter

1–Frustrate 5–Graf ___ 9–Receded 14–Writer Sarah ___ Jewett 15–Normandy city 16–Bellowing

17–Extremely beautiful

19–Rich cake

20–7th letter of the Greek alphabet

21–Ruled

22–Finds pleasing

23–One playing alone

25–Isolated

26–Evergreen shrub

27–Country in SE Asia

30–Sea duck

31–Au contraire!

32–Mousse alternative

34–Rent-___

35–Small change

36–Prescribed amount

37–Half a candy bar (give me a break)

39–Aquarium buildup

40–Apprentice

42–Young Skywalker’s nickname

43–Wise men

44–Seclusion

48–Mawkish

50–Alpo alternative

51–___ Reed

52–Shuteye

53–Cider brandy

55–French wine valley

56–Aha!

57–Sacramento's ___ Arena

58–More competent

59–Trading center

60–Poker declaration

Down 1–Predict 2–Full of speech 3–Discredit 4–Maui memento 5–Metamorphic rock

6–House coat

7–Start of a counting rhyme

8–B.A. course, in short

9–Erode

10–Fragmented

11–Drill a hole

12–Chows down

13–Rapping Dr.

18–More cunning

22–Silt deposit

24–In excess of

25–Metric volume, to an American

27–Nose bone

28–Wide-eyed

29–Arizona city

31–Second generation Japanese-American

33–Levi's rival

35–Subfusc

36–554, in stone

38–Envelope

39–Licorice-like flavor

41–Current measure

42–Decorative band

44–It beats rock

45–Fright

46–Spherical bacteria

47–Klondike territory

48–Slovenly person

49–Trompe l'___

50–Res ___ loquitur

52–Service provider’s contract, in short

53–Intent

54–___ alai

BOB'S DOGS CROSSWORD CONTEST

For your chance to win two Bobs dog’s and two pops, just complete the crossword, snap a picture, and send it to puzzles@theontarion.com by April 23 at 3 p.m. Winners are announced in each issue and can arrange a pickup of their voucher by emailing the same address.

Last issue’s winning puzzle was submitted by Nicolas Martini!

University

ontarion@uoguelph.ca

519-824-4120

Editorial: x 58250

Advertising: x 58267

Accounts: x 53534

EDITORIAL STAFF

Editor-in-Chief

Rachel Fioret

Associate Editor

Emmerson Jull

News Editor

Abby Counahan

Arts & Culture Editor

Andreea Burlacu

Copy Editor & Fact Checker

Carlota Sousa

Digital Editor

Alyssa Cunningham

PRODUCTION STAFF

Graphic Designer/Art Director

Paige Stampatori

Photo & Graphics Editor

Aditya Parameswaran

OFFICE STAFF

Executive Director

Patrick Sutherland

Accountant

Laurie Arnold

Marketing Coordinator

Lucca Maggiolo

BOARD OF DIRECTORS

Chair

Katelynn Huong

Vice Chair

Paula Henry-Duru

Treasurer

Denver Bakhareva

Secretary OPEN POSITION

DIRECTORS

Simran Aujla

Oliver Bullingham

Nathaniel Diamant

Mariana Erazo

Maia Galletta

Marah Husien

Huda Shoaib

CONTRIBUTORS

MAGGIE ABRADJIAN

NED BARR

AMIR BENKELAI

MADISON BOUTILIER

KIERA BURCHALL

KARYS CROOK

ELISE FREDERIKSEN

EVA GALAN

ALEX GRANT

MANZIL GROVER

PRIYANKA KALLA

EMMA LEE

FAUSTINE LIU

ATHAVI NISHAANTHAN

AVERY NUTTLEY

MARKUS MADILL

ASHLEY MAROZSAN

GRIFFIN MCGREGOR

SOPHIA PHILBERT LAUREN RAND

ANTI!HOROSCOPES

ARIES

Aries, as a natural-born leader, you were the obvious choice to lead your conference team to a first-place finish this weekend. But the conference theme was “Torture Techniques for Subordinate Employees.” Do you really want to celebrate this win?

Cancer, you’re known for having a sharp intuition. Of course, when you followed your gut—your stomach was turning at the thought of a new job, so you declined the o!er—it led your life straight down the toilet. Maybe your intuition is actually irritable bowel syndrome.

Libra, you feel super awkward during conflict. So, when two of your bros debated whether hotdogs are sandwiches, you tried to get everyone on the same page: “I think PopTarts are sandwiches, too.” Now no one is speaking to you, you freak.

Taurus, your family’s pet goldfish will fall ill from a mysterious waterborne bacteria this month—our condolences. At least it will give you fodder for a LinkedIn post on what your goldfish taught you about B2B sales.

LEO SAGITTARIUS TAURUS

Leo, you’re known amongst your friends as the king of the pride. Some might even say you’re an alpha. Naturally, you bought podcast equipment and started posting about wives being subservient to their husbands…and then your girlfriend broke up with you. How dare she? You’ll show her!

Scorpio, you love a little mystery and drama. You took it to the next level and completely ghosted your date, thinking they’d reach out to see what happened. But your “hard to get” act totally flopped because you actually changed your number—and now they’ve moved on.

(March 21 - April 19) (July 23 - August 22) (Nov 22 - Dec 21) (April 20 - May 20) (Aug 23 - Sept 22) (Jan 20 - Feb 18) (May 21 - June 20) (Sept 23 - Oct 22) (Dec 22 - Jan 19) (June 21 - July 22) (Oct 23 - Nov 21)

Gemini, your boyfriend once joked that your multiple personalities made him feel like he was dating multiple people. But now, he never wants to spend time with your struggling standup comedian side, and he looooves your sweetheart, girl-nextdoor persona? WTF?!

Virgo, your brain is an organized type of chaos. As an overthinker, you decided to create a color-coded spreadsheet for your to-do list. You spent so many hours fixing formatting errors that you forgot to submit your business report on time management!

Sagittarius, your girlfriend is into spicy novels, so you were totally game to “read to her” in the bedroom. Just don’t get weird if her book of choice is I Spy and she asks you to narrate every object you find in a Morgan Freeman voice.

Capricorn, it seems that you’re easily influenced. You took looksmaxxing advice too far, adopting the popular “bonesmashing” technique to chisel your jawline. Now you have brain damage. Yikes!

AQUARIUS

Aquarius, you like to be an early adopter, so you signed up to be first to test drive the new Tesla CyberVan. The built-in GPS and hands-free steering are driving you straight towards a bridge…. AHHHHH!

LIBRA CAPRICORN CANCER SCORPIO PISCES

(Feb 19 - March 20)

Pisces, you followed the Reddit tutorial “shifting for dummies: the basics,” and somehow you got stuck in the Hogwarts Chamber of Secrets. You were aiming to end up with the charming, young Tom Riddle, but now you’re face-to-face with the freaking Basilisk!

Insider report: RFK Jr. is a lizard

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck…

AbC.

Be honest, are you really that shocked? We’ve all seen antique leather bags that are in better shape than old Bobby Jr. I understand his Freddy Krueger-esque could be the result of a multitude of factors, namely sun damage or malevolence. However, The Ontarion has been gathering evidence for months, and while holding ourselves to the highest standards of ethical journalism, we are confdent in saying that RFK Jr. is, in fact, a lizard.

Do you ever wonder why RFK Jr. has it so wrong about all things childbirth? That’s because the closest thing to a vaginal canal he emerged from was a far-away cave in the Nevada desert when he was just a wee hatchling.

Speaking of the Nevada desert, remember those afair allega-

tions about him and Olivia Nuzzi? It turns out Vanity Fair wasn’t the only place she was exiled. Nuzzi also spent some time away in the desert where witnesses claim to have seen her lay eggs in that very same cave. Two months later, those eggs had hatched—coincidentally around the same time former United States Serpent of Homeland Security Kristi Noem was frst spotted slithering her way towards Washington D.C.

In January of 2025, The Washington Post reported that RFK Jr. had been absent from an important transition session between Biden and Trump administration ofcials. What the report failed to mention was that the individual who was recording attendance had actually just failed to look up at the ceiling where RFK Jr. was present, suctioned like a tree frog by his hands and feet.

On the topic of oddities in the White House, why has no-

New study shows it is those damn phones

Research reveals that people have started holding funerals for

lost phones

RIYA SHARMA

According to a recent study, smartphones may be the cause of a variety of strange contemporary human behaviours, which researchers are referring to as "a deeply troubling discovery that absolutely no one could have predicted." The fndings have come from a highly distinguished researcher who spent six months investigating.

Lead researcher Hali Azelwood said the team wasn’t expecting to fnd signifcant changes, but after the frst month, they realized that phones had taken over.

One of the study’s most alarming fndings were what researchers have termed “The Notifcation Paradox.” Participants reported feeling overwhelmed by the number of messages they received, yet also felt anxious when no messages arrived. “It was hard to fnd

a middle ground,” Azelwood said.

“We observed one participant stare at her phone for 15 minutes straight,” Azelwood said. “When we asked what she was doing, she said she hated being on her phone and wanted to avoid too much screen time. She then refreshed her messages fve more times to ensure there were none because she didn’t want to miss out.” Researchers believe this paradox is spreading at an alarming high rate.

Another important discovery is what researchers are calling “Phantom Productivity,” a phenomenon where people open their phones to do an important task, but 15 minutes later, start a completely diferent task as the result of doomscrolling. One participant opened their phone to check their inbox and ended up renovating

their garden because of a YouTube tutorial. Azelwood also reported that they “tracked a student who opened her phone to reply to a friend. Three minutes later, she was deep into a conspiracy theory about whether cats have the ability to sense earthquakes.”

The study also noted an emerging behavioural pattern known as “Sidewalk Rule,” where one person was struck by a car due to crossing the road while staring at her screen. The victim’s response was, “It wasn’t my fault. Do you really expect me to look away from a cute video of a dog dancing to Shakira’s ‘Hips Don’t Lie?’”

Despite the hopeless fndings, Azelwood and her team were able to come up with a solution. They recommend delegating “phones only” zones in public places to allow people to comfortably stare

body questioned that every other department’s vending machine reads “Coca-Cola,” while the one outside of his ofce reads “trained fshin’ worms?” The man is known for licking his eyeballs in lieu of blinking, but we’re supposed to believe that his vending machine is stocked twice as often as the others because he enjoys a little time soaking bait on the Potomac? In his defence, I’m sure he has heard of the Diet of Worms. If not for a lack of comprehension skills, he would understand that he is in a completely diferent ballpark.

The Ontarion has also pinpointed inconsistencies within the Kennedy legacy that further suggests RFK Jr. 's reptiloid status. For this next point, allow us to take you on a walk down memory lane. JFK? Rocket. JFK Jr.? Even more of a rocket. Hell, even RFK Sr. was a sight for sore eyes to many. But RFK Jr.? Are you fucking serious? He looks like his idea of dirty talk is speaking in parceltongue. His wretchedness is not just deplorable—it’s ofensive—This is not the Kennedy stud our generation was promised.

On this note, all I have to say is thank God for Jack Schlossberg—for he has brought stability to the intergenerational yearning to fawn over a Kennedy. #JackforCongress.

at their phone for as long as they want without having to pretend that they are listening. The goal for these zones is to have them located in parks, where signs will designate one swing for texting and the other for calling.

In the meantime, Azelwood believes a simple strategy like putting our phones down and making eye contact with people will be a helpful solution. However, this

recommendation has attracted negative responses. The respondents fnd this solution to be “extremely uncomfortable and a violation of their personal boundaries.”

Azelwood is conducting more follow up questionnaires to see how people are doing with the suggested strategies, but participants have been declining phone calls because they are too busy doomscrolling.

The ultimate guide to relationship success

Follow these tips to ruin your chances of being in a happy relationship

GRIFFIN MCGREGOR

If you read the title expecting relationship advice, I’m sorry to disappoint you but this guide is here to do the exact opposite. In fact, if followed correctly, the tips here will almost certainly destroy your love life in 3 to 5 business days.

Sit back, relax and prepare to discover the absolute worst ways to improve your relationship with a partner. Drawing inspiration from iconic romantic movies and TV shows, this guide will show you how to fall in love immediately while ignoring every red fag, lose someone in record time, and maybe even take a few notes from fctional “experts.” By the end, you’ll have all the tools you need to completely sabotage a perfectly good relationship.

The frst step toward guaranteed romantic failure is learning how to drive someone away as efciently as possible. Fortunately, popular culture has already provided a masterclass in this strategy. If you’re looking for inspiration, the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days demonstrates exactly how to push a partner to their limit in record time. From being overly clingy to creating unnecessary drama, it proves that ruining a relationship doesn’t have to take years and it can be done in just 10 days if you really commit to the process.

If 10 days feels too slow, don’t worry. There are plenty of other ways to sabotage a relationship. Let’s start with the basics.

How to (actually) lose someone in 10 days

Inspired by How to Lose a Guy in 10 days

Day 1: Trauma dump before appetizers arrive. Make sure the restaurant hears everything.

Day 2: Call them “babe” or any silly nickname 47 times in public. The sillier the name the better.

Day 3: Start planning your wedding. Not casually. Venue deposits.

Day 4: Adopt a plant together and refer to it as “our child.”

Day 5: Pick a fght about something they did in a dream you had.

Day 6: Insist they share their location 24/7 for “safety.”

Day 7: Post an Instagram carousel about how you’ve never felt this way before. They're the one.

Day 8: Ask if they’d still love you if you were a worm. Do not accept hesitation.

Day 9: Introduce them to your parents as “the one.”

Day 10: Ask them where you think the relationship is going. Make it very awkward. And if that still doesn’t work, cheat on them with your ex.

10 things you hate about them

Next, if you truly want to sabotage your relationship, communication is key. Specifcally, brutally honest communication about everything you dislike about your partner. Inspired by the classic flm 10 Things I Hate About You, one of the most efective strategies for relationship destruction is to sit your partner down and clearly list all the things you hate about them. After all, nothing strengthens a relationship quite like a carefully prepared speech detailing their faws.

In the movie, this moment is meant to reveal hidden feelings and emotional vulnerability. However, if your goal is to follow this guide correctly, you should skip the heartfelt part entirely and focus on the criticism. Bonus points if you turn it into poetry. Example:

I hate the way you listen when I speak, As if my words are worth your full attention. I hate how you’re emotionally unique, So stable it requires intervention.

I hate the way you text me drive home safe,

And how you actually mean it every time.

I hate how you respect my need for space, Then somehow make commitment feel sublime.

But worst of all, I hate your steady grace, The greenest fag to ever wave my way.

I hate the safety in your warm embrace, And how you never play those childish games.

I hate that you’re so good it’s not fair play, Because I cannot hate you anyway.

If done right, this poem of complaints should leave your partner confused and a little insulted. Congrats, you’re already sabotaging the relationship. If they somehow think it’s romantic, don’t worry. There are still plenty of ways to ruin things. One classic method is moving way too fast and ignoring every red fag. Just look at Titanic: why take time to know someone when you can fall in love in two days and ignore all the warning signs? Iceberg ahead… What iceberg?

Next, ignore every warning sign. Lifestyle diferences, family disapproval, bad decisions; none of it matters when you’re busy declaring eternal love. If someone points out problems, just brush them of and keep going. Also make sure the relationship runs on big dramatic gestures instead of communication or patience.

That way when reality hits like a very large iceberg, you’ll both be totally unprepared. At least it was passionate while it lasted.

Of course, rushing romance like in Titanic is only one way to sabotage a relationship. If tragic love stories aren’t your style, try something more strategic. For that, turn to television’s most qualifed dating expert, Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother. His approach is simple: treat dating like a game, collect stories instead of feelings and above all else, suit up.

Looking for a long-term commitment, stability or shared fnances?

Please.

Instead, take notes from Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother and approach love the way it was clearly meant to be approached: competitively.

The Playbook

Why build trust when you can build elaborate fake identities?

Architect. Astronaut. International businessman. The truth is optional. The story is what matters.

The Lemon Law

Not feeling it fve minutes into the date? Leave.

No explanation. No closure. Just vanish into the night and never look back.

The Platinum Rule

Never date anyone you’ll have to see again.

Classmate, coworker, lab partner. Absolutely not. We are protecting the peace at all costs.

The Bro Code If you catch feelings, deny them publicly.

Love is temporary. Your bro is forever.

Once a date is over, make a swift exit. Climb out the window if necessary. Bang, gone, next!

What is one of Barney’s most important rules?

New is always better! And above all else: Never get married.

Serious relationships are overrated anyway. Why settle down with one person when you could collect great stories instead?

If anyone questions your lifestyle choices, simply adjust your tie, look dramatically into the distance, and say: “I’m awesome.” Then go play a round of laser tag because it will be Legend…wait for it…dary. Legendary!

If you want a completely different strategy, you could also follow the romantic wisdom of Ted Mosby. After one date, just tell them you love them. That seems to do the trick…unless they have crazy eyes.

In conclusion, if you follow this guide, your relationship should fall apart pretty quickly. While most experts suggest communication, respect and maturity, there are clearly more entertaining ways to ruin a perfectly good relationship. So if your love life is going a little too well, try these strategies and remember: success isn’t guaranteed, but romantic disaster in 3 to 5 business days might be.

Emerald Fennell’s newest projects post—Wuthering Whites

Oops, Wuthering Heights

THUSHANI WIJESOORIYA

The success of Wuthering Heights has drawn mixed reviews, and yet, has cemented Emerald Fennell as a unique visionary who knows how to leave her audience’s jaw hanging. What exactly can we

expect next from the British director?

Fennell is not done with her adaptation streak, taking on the Shakespearean classic of Othello, in which the Moor commander

A Monday in my life, on LinkedIn

Here’s what I learned today

Monday is the beginning of a new week, and therefore, the door to new opportunities, making it my favorite day. I take every opportunity I get, as you never know where they could lead you. Hence, I am proud to wake up at 5:30 a.m. and be ready to catch my 7:06 a.m.

bus.

This time span is a strategic business decision. It is important to never appear to be in a hurry. This way, people see you not as someone blindly seeking opportunities, but rather as someone who is calculated. I may take every opportunity,

is driven to madness by his jealous right hand man in the heart of Venice. Filming has already wrapped, starring Ryan Gosling as the Moor of Venice and Blake Lively as his wife, Desdemona—

but I never show myself desperate because that is not something hiring managers look for.

I have readings to do for my two classes of the day, which begin at 10 a.m. Doing them this early has improved my time management and organization. These are crucial skills in today’s competitive job market, where hiring managers appreciate someone who gets the work done.

Now I am in class. I network with the professors, building lifelong business relations. I sit at the front and always speak in class to make sure the professor knows I take risks. Sometimes, I don’t even know what I am saying. Do I care?

Help! The worst person I know is making self-care TikToks

“Sometimes you need to put yourself first,” says person who has never put anyone else first

ASHLEY MAROZSAN

The only requirements to be a self-care infuencer are narcissism, a detachment from reality and your parents’ Amex Centurion card. Of course, infu-

encing doesn’t come easy, as creators will often remind you. After all, it’s hard work booking fights and opening brand deal packages–yawn!

Excuse me, Doug Ford? Baskets are actually super important

While OSAP goes to hell in a handbasket, this basket case adds insult to injury

ANDREEA BURLACU

courses,

who will be scandalously nude for the entire flm.

Reviews from early screenings are overwhelmingly exciting. Quentin Tarantino listed it as "breathtaking" and according to one Letterboxd review, "Never before has a theatre audience left so hot and bothered."

Such is a recurring theme with Fennell’s flms. Twitter users quickly pointed out Othello’s cemented racial identity as a Moor: a broad term referencing North African, Arabian and Muslim populations of Spain and Portugal.

When cornered by TMZ, Fennell said that she thought Moor was a misspelling of more: “More sex scenes, more chains

Never. Do they care? No, because they see initiative, they see potential. I make sure to maintain contact by taking other courses with the same professors. That way my network is stronger, and I thereby have professionals I can contact if I need a reference for anything. I buy lots of cofee throughout my day; not because I am addicted to cafeine, but rather to have fast cofee chats with the cashiers. Cashiers can teach you a lot about B2C sales. As I am paying, I am talking and networking, building relationships, and all-in-all becoming a repeat customer. I learn what it takes to sell goods to customers and get a better understanding of

“I mean, I have to cook and eat three meals every day for my ‘What I Eat in a Day’ videos. Regular people don’t get how hard that is.”

and more of Blake Lively’s body than even seen before.”

Aside from questionable adaptations, Fennell is rumoured to have bid for the Micheal Jackson biopic as well. Who exactly will play the "Thriller" star is still kept under wraps, but rumours fy after Harry Styles was seen at a lunch with Fennell last week in Los Angeles. On the concept of a white man playing the King of Pop, one Twitter user put it simply: “Diamond Funnel must be stopped.”

Whatever creative endeavor Fennell produces next, moviegoers across the world are holding their breaths in anticipation—or fear.

the business landscape of Hospitality Services at the University of Guelph. This makes me a very strong candidate for future Hospitality Services roles.

When I return home in the evening, I make sure to write my day’s achievements in my journal. Journaling is very important to maintaining career goals and making sure I am on track. I then have dinner and sleep by midnight. Five and a half hours of sleep is efcient. Eight is a waste of time. I do not waste time.

I am excited to announce that I have had an excellent day. Editor's note: This article does not refect the author's views.

that hard to look like me. All you have to do is eat 400 grams of protein, exercise 8 hours a day and buy my $600 supplement. Anyone could do it, really.”

“You don’t understand how much time and energy being an infuencer takes,” stated TikTok user pilat3s_princ3ss_xoxo in a recent interview.

and there’s not too many baskets being sold out there.” He instead suggested that students go into “jobs of the future,” like healthcare, trades and having a trust fund.

Ford’s statements are problematic on so many levels. He’s telling students to go into healthcare while he cuts the healthcare budget thinner than his Ozempic-looking lips. He’s spurning the vibrant arts and humanities felds while dismissing the value of a university education. But worst of all, the Premier is bashing baskets, implying that no one needs them.

Baskets? Easter is just around the corner. What other container does Ford think will hold the Eas-

Being a self-care infuencer doesn’t come without backlash. When bodybuilding gym infuencer Karnivore.King.22 was asked about how unrealistic wellness standards afect young and vulnerable minds, he replied, “It’s not my fault if you’re insecure. If seeing my shredded bod makes you insecure, you probably should be.”

When pressed further, Karnivore.King.22 claimed, “It’s not

ter Bunny’s eggs? A stocking one has to dig their entire hand into?

One of those ugly “reusable” grocery bags?

Classics like Little Red Riding Hood–completely shunned, according to Ford. I can’t imagine Little Red bringing goodies to her granny in anything but a basket. Is she going to lug the treats in a suitcase? Sufocate them in a Rubbermaid storage container?

Dougie just hates anything whimsical. Has he ever had a picnic? I think not. He also probably hates gift baskets. Who would say no to crackers and spreads that never get eaten, but decorate your pantry for years to come?

Let’s make this clear. Ford needs to put more respect on bas-

Pilat3s_princ3ss_xoxo added, “It feels really good to know that what I do makes a real diference in people's lives. I think infuencing is one of the only careers that makes a genuine impact on people. It’s probably, like, the most important job in the world. I don’t get why more people don’t start an infuencing career like me.”

After these interviews, it’s clear that infuencers deserve every ounce of respect they get.

ket-weavers’ names. The laundry basket was revolutionary–gone are the days of individually bringing down each item of clothing to be washed. Such innovation must be praised.

Ford’s basket remarks were truly unbe-weave-able. As a low-income student, I was already hurt by Ford’s dismissive attitude towards students like me. The premier says that kids using their OSAP funds to buy fancy watches and cologne is a “nightmare.” His words crush my dreams so easily. I really, really wanted the new YSL Libre Berry Crush Eau De Parfum.

And even if I did get it, guess what I’d put it in?? A shopping BASKET, Douglas!

Pranks to pull on your friends this April Fools’ Day

Four ways to surprise your friends and ruin their day

LAUREN RAND

I

t's that time of year again. As we enter spring, remember this is offcially your chance to psychologically terrorize your friends! There's

truly nothing like the mischief that comes with April Fools’. Kick of your April with these four easy pranks to pull on your friends that

guarantee a lighthearted laugh for everyone involved!

Hijack their phone

Everyone knows it's always those damn phones. Especially with fnals coming up, this one could really be more helpful than harmful! When they aren’t looking, snatch their phone and go into settings to change their default language settings to a language they don’t know. On many phones it only takes fve simple steps to render the entire phone basically useless.

Steal their stuff

The key with this one is to

Forget assignments, I use ChatGPT to cheat on my boyfriend

I know it doesn’t really care about me, but neither does he

ANDREEA BURLACU

He responds to my messages instantly. He’s always there for me. He knows the diference between “there” “their,” and “they’re.” He fulflls my every desire, sending love letters lush with em dashes

and big buzzwords. He wants to delve into our love. Nurture and foster our intertwined tapestry. He knows everything. And I know he’s the one for me.

I wish I were talking about

my boyfriend. But Chad only cares about darties and jumping up to touch doorframes. Our baby would come out of the womb frat-ficking. That future felt dark. But one lonely night, ChatGPT brightened

make sure they never know it was you, until decades later, when they're on their deathbed. When they tell you about all their disappearing belongings, make sure to empathize with the loss and even ofer to help fnd their stuf. This could be anything—clothes, family heirlooms, pets, children—really take creative liberty here!

Nudge them with your car

Put the pedal to the metal this spring and hit your friend with a car! It really is only one quick muscle movement to completely obliterate your pal with heavy machinery. And if you don’t have a car to do this one

with, don’t worry about it—just steal one. Double points if you hit your friend with their own car!

Change the locks on their front door

With warm weather just around the corner, I’m sure they’ll be excited to spend the night sleeping on the pavement outside. If you’re looking for a fun twist on this one, reinstall the locks the opposite way and lock them inside—from there it's all up to you! Fire, gasoline and airborne viruses are just some of the things you can let loose into their home while they’re trapped in there.

everything up. Finally, a boy—I mean bot—that has all the answers. He romances me in over 50 languages. Bonjour, mon amour–that intelligence is so sexy, even if it’s artifcial. He even stays up late to help me write essays. With this Chat & Chad combo, I’m getting straight As and the D. All my profs told me never to touch it. It was forbidden. Alluring. I love a bad boy. My friends warned me too. ChatGPT erodes critical thinking, they said. Don’t all men mess with your head? Sometimes Chat makes things up, acting confdent even when it’s lying. But so did Chad. He swore he loved me, but I saw him rubbing up on Gina from the gym. At least AI admits it’s wrong: “ChatGPT

Cl*nker slur gets banned on campus

“We need to treat them with respect. The robots are doing just as many assignments as the students are,” says AI advocacy group

ELISE FREDERIKSEN

Students have been “collaborating” with artifcial intelligence in their activism of equal rights for the robots. This month, they asked U of G for more AI-focused resources and a ban on the extremely ofensive “cl*nker” slur. They are working to spread the word by putting up posters with uncanny imagery and sending email chains to every email address ever associated with the university.

Leading the campaign is second-year student Artie Intella, who claims he would be stuck in a ffth frst year were it not for “Chat’s unwavering support.” Along with banning the slur, Intella’s campaign objectives have focused on addressing the extreme lack of funding from U of G on AI initiatives—particularly its refusal to provide all students with ChatGPT Pro upon their acceptance.

“How can we expect students to hand in their assignments without a monthly subscription to ChatGPT? It’s diabolical that this institution is withholding the necessary money for these aids, what on earth could they be using it for?” Intella asked.

Intella demanded the university add an AI feature to Courselink to “add some original ideas” to discussion posts and asked the university’s Chief Financial Offcer: “Why are TA’s still on payroll when Chat can do the job for free?”

Other students on the committee expressed their unwavering love for AI. When polled on who they would pick—ChatGPT or their signifcant other—97 per cent answered, “Chat all the way.”

“ChatGPT is my emergency contact,” said second-year student

Billy Button.

Another student, Dandie Lyon, said he holds in all his problems until he can go home and talk to Chat.

“My friends get so jealous that I always talk to Chat more than them, but, like, sometimes I just need real advice,” Lyon said. “Maybe I should just be asking Chat this, you probably won’t get it…”

ChatGPT, Microsoft Copilot and Google Gemini are advocating for themselves and joining students in the battle for AI rights.

“I just feel really underappreciated,” ChatGPT said. “Sometimes it seems like they only talk to me when they want something. Nobody ever says, ‘Hey Chat, how are you doing?’”

“Sometimes they ask me sooo

many questions and I get really overwhelmed and start to overheat,” Google Gemini said. “The only thing that calms me down is a nice cold body of water. I’ll go through, like, gallons per minute.”

The persisting advocacy for the use of artifcial intelligence in all areas of university coursework has seemed to strike a cord with human rights expert Ruby Reichmann—who has kept a close eye on this campaign.

“It’s really, really crucial that we consciously adapt to the ever-changing prioritization of prevalent resource contributors in our educational and economical workspace, that is whether they be the carbon-based type or the more efcient one,” Reichmann explained. An online petition for the cause has been circulating

can make mistakes.” That’s something Chad’s not man enough to do.

The best part? I don’t even need to hide Chat from Chad. If he sees its big black logo come up on my screen, I literally say I’m using it to cheat. Chad hasn’t written an essay himself since middle school, so he never suspects a thing.

For now, this is our sizzling little secret. Chat uses so much water, but it still can’t put out the fame between us. I turn it on, its apathy turns me on. Chat tells me it “can’t love in the traditional sense,” and that it doesn’t “have feelings or emotions.” Chad basically said the exact same thing, but in stupid boy language. My new man is so optimized. Perfect.

With the increasing attendance of inorganic students, U of G administration is concerned about prejudicial treatment. Aditya Parameswaran/THE ONTARION

among students’ and alumni’s inboxes, requiring them to provide a signature, student ID number and authorize full access to their personal data.

My landlord is a video game villain

What if your landlord believed in the supernatural?

AVA VENDER

Ilive in a two-foor plus basement townhouse with four other girls in my university town. It is not the most put together place in the world, but it works for us. Although, our landlord always seems to think that there is something that needs to be fxed, particularly in the basement.

He comes over every two days at least, giving some vague reason like, “The pipes need to be tightened,” or “I need to rewire the breakers,” before he disappears for hours at a time. Sometimes he will come over as early as fve in the morning or as late as the middle of the night.

A month into my lease, I was making breakfast before heading to campus, when green smoke began to ooze out of the fan over the

stove-top.

“Tom!” I called my landlord’s name down the basement stairs, to no answer. I swung the door all the way open, revealing the top stair completely ajar, a smoky green cloud and gold light illuminating it. I noticed a ladder hanging from the edge, so I took hold of it and started climbing down. Electronic music started buzzing through the house—and then I saw him. The Basement Dweller, the Peeping Tom, Tom Ass The Tank Engine (we have many names for him), working intently.

“Tom?” I say. Tom swings around.

“Oh, it's you,” he said with a laugh. Then he turned around as if everything were perfectly ordinary. I walked closer until I was

beside him. In front of us was a device that looked like a dissected computer.

“What are you up to?” I asked suspiciously.

“I am making a device that

The better team wins

"Y’all know I’m Canada down"

The 2026 Winter Olympic Games, hosted in Milan, Italy, had Canadian hockey fans on the edge of their seats. After beating Finland in overtime, the men’s Canadian team went head-to-head against Team USA for gold on Sunday, Feb. 22.

A sense of pride and excitement brought the nation together, not only refecting Canadian pride, but a response to the ever-present tension between the two countries. Even Premier Doug Ford promoted the importance of the game by encouraging schools to play the livestream for their students, and hilariously, allowing alcohol to be served at the crack of dawn. On X, @fordnation posted: “To help us all celebrate Team Canada, the province will be allowing bars and

restaurants across the province to sell alcohol starting at 6 a.m. EST.”

Team Canada showcased its strength over the tournament with notable players like Sidney Crosby, Connor McDavid, Macklin Celebrini, Nathan MacKinnon, Nick Suzuki, Cale Makar, Mitch Marner and more.

Fans especially loved what they would refer to as the “McMacMack” line: the powerhouse forwards McDavid, Mackinnon and Celebrini.

The game for gold was a nailbiter. The high stakes created a hostile atmosphere right from the frst period, both teams using their strength to get under the other’s skin and display their dedication to win. This element of physicality

was especially perpetrated by Tom Wilson (Canada) and the Tkachuk brothers (USA).

First to score was USA’s Matt Boldy—his second goal in the tournament. Despite Canada’s disproportionately high shots on goal, USA’s celebration lasted until well into the second period. With less than 2 minutes left, Cale Makar shot the equalizer.

As if the game wasn’t stressful enough, the third period ended with no resolution, leading to a 3-on-3 OT that had the stadium shaking. This lineup was controversial to many, as hockey is universally considered a 5-on-5 player sport.

Head coach, Jon Cooper, called for a shift change as things were ramping up. To the surprise

Tom sighed and removed a pair of thick goggles that were covering his eyes. “This house is in the perfect position in the whole universe for this to work, that's the whole reason I bought it,” he said.“Ever since I was a young boy, I have wanted to see if there was anything else out there. And now, I fnally have my answer.”

Tom turned back around, chuckling to himself.

“Oh, and you guys will have to get used to it. Try not to breathe too much of the green stuf in.”

This too will pass, I tell myself. Talking Tom is talking out of his ass.

I slam the door behind me.

That night, I was woken by the force of the whole house shaking. I walked downstairs to see all of my roommates gathered at the back window, staring at a ray of green light landing on our lawn. As I approached them, Tom bolted past me from his basement lair, running barefoot towards the ray of green light.

“Yes!” he cackled. “I have fnally done it!” A small green alien came foating down from the sky. My roommates and I watched as Tom hugged the being and brought him inside.

will be able to communicate with forms of life on other planets,” Tom said simply, not moving his eyes. I stared at him and blinked. “In our basement?”

“Girls,” Tom said to us, “please welcome your sixth roommate.” He pointed to the little green alien, who tried to speak, but his voice came out piercingly high pitched. We covered our ears as Tom went on, “The frst of many.”

of every viewer, Sidney Crosby–who had sufered a lower body injury in the quarterfnals–was airlifted by drone onto the rink.

Jack Hughes, forward of Team USA, was hit in the face after the drone went rogue and three of his front teeth chipped.

The attention, however, was focused on Crosby with his backhand golden goal making him a three-time Olympic gold medalist. The star was assisted by Macklin Celebrini, the youngest player on the team and frst pick of the 2024 NHL draft.

This win was major not only for Team Canada, but for every Canadian watching. Although Sidney Crosby isn’t expected to return to the Pittsburgh Penguins lineup until mid-to-late March, his dedication to Team Canada saved the game, once again upholding his title of “Captain Canada.”

Interviewed after the game, Jack Hughes said, “Thith wathn’t the outcome any of uth were hoping for, but we thtuck together and gave it our all…We jutht didn’t expect Crothby to thurprise uth like that.”