December B 2017
Cover Story
Relationships
24
78
Cheryl Richardson - Waking Up In Winter
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Spirituality 42 46
Communicating and Communing with Nature Is Forgiveness a Choice?
OM Living 52 56 60 64 68
Do Animals Have Souls Why Ethics for Non- Humans, Matters How to Relax into Receiving Love Finding the Spirit of the Holidays Within Claiming Our Place in Troubled Times
86
What True Love Really Looks Like Coping with Holiday Expectations Helicopter Parents Could Be to Blame For Our Kids' Mental-Health Crisis
Personal Growth 94
The Gentle Rhythm of Harmlessness 100 The Power to Inspire 106 Getting into the 'Holiday Spirit' 365 Days A Year
Cheryl Richardson
Waking up in Winter Do these words describe you? You’ve come to a point in your life where you begin to question what’s happened before and what’s yet to come. Whether you are in your 30s, your 40s, 50s or older, there are times that these deep and profound questions and
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thoughts are at the forefront of our consciousness. What steps can we take to lead the lives that we consciously choose and find personal, professional, emotional and spiritual fulfillment? My very special guest, the New York Times Best Selling Author of Life Makeovers and Take Time For Your Life and beloved spiritual teacher Cheryl Richardson found herself asking these same questions. She delivers her most intimate and profound work to date on the obstacles and opportunities of reaching mid-life in her new book, Waking up in Winter: In Search of What Really Matters in Mid Life. It is the breathtakingly candid account of the most impactful year of Cheryl’s life. With passages that capture the intricacies of marriage, friendship, success, money, and self-care, Cheryl offers her experiences as an illustration of how to grow, reflect, laugh and change. A lifelong journal writer, Cheryl
Richardson had been for years documenting her innermost thoughts, desires, and hopes. She recognized that these passages and reflections were exactly what her readers need for representing her teaching in action and life being lived. Cheryl Richardson is the New York Times Best Selling author of several books. She was the first President of the International Coach Federation and holds one of their first Master Certified Coach credentials. Her work has been covered widely in the media, including Good Morning America, The Today Show, CBS This Morning, New York Times, USA Today, Good Housekeeping and O Magazine. She was the team leader for the Lifestyle Makeover series on the Oprah Winfrey Show, and she accompanied Ms. Winfrey on the Live Your Best Life Nationwide Tour. Cheryl also served as the co-executive producer and host of the Life Makeover Project with Cheryl Richardson on the Oxygen Network and as the co-executive producer and host of two public television specials, Stand Up Omtimes.com
Communicating and Communing with Nature Recognize that simply being in or near nature can bring you information about your health and be “medicine” for you in ways you might not expect—as my client, Brendan came to see when he stood quietly and made a connection with a tree while waiting to receive health
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test results. As you observe a snowfall through the window of a quiet room, you might feel moved to dialogue with the experience and let it inform you about your health. You may get a message about purity, innocence, freshness, or a new beginning. You might realize you need to slow down and be less distracted. Even if you only intended to sit for a while and observe the snow falling, you might begin to realize you and your health are part of a larger whole of nature and that remembering this truth will help you experience greater wellness. One winter evening, I took a walk and was looking at a waxing moon, which was about half full. It would appear and disappear in the sky, as the clouds passed in front of it. I paused to interact and dialogue with it to discover what it could teach me about my health story. I was reminded of how some things can be present but not visible— things that contribute to poor health and to good health. I understood that if I intend to see them, and I remain vigilant, I can catch glimpses of the
invisible world and the wisdom it holds for me. Soon after this, I was diagnosed with prostate cancer, which was present but not visible, just like the moon behind the cloud. Taking advantage of opportunities to reconnect with nature and its elements can give you insights and energies for healing. Even if you may have seen many snowfalls or thunderstorms in your life, you might want to pause the next time you experience one. Open yourself to what it might bring you— messages, a renewed feeling of gratitude, or something else. I also suggest that when you use expanded-awareness practices in nature, you consider beginning by opening sacred space, cleansing your energy field, and doing mindful breathing, and then closing sacred space afterward. Should you receive any messages from the snow, rain, sky, clouds, or ground, consider thanking them, as this shows respect for the wisdom of nature. If it has been a while since you have spent time in nature, connecting to its healing Omtimes.com
Is Forgiveness a Choice? By John Holland
Whenever I walk on stage to give a lecture, the second part is often the demonstration. Most people come with the hope of connecting with someone who has passed. I generally begin by saying: “I understand that all of you would love a message but isn’t there someone here, living, right now in your life that you need to reach out to, connect with or forgive?” I feel this is a poignant
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comment to make, so as not to forget those around us today. I feel life is short enough as it is and I would not want someone one day to say: “Maybe I should have, could have or would have.” The act of forgiveness in its own right is incredibly powerful. It’s easy to say, “I forgive,” but I’m not talking about just the words here. It’s not an occasional action or throwaway comment, but more
a permanent attitude of mind. Above all, it can heal past wounds, whether accidental or intentional. I’m sure you’ve heard the expression “forgive and forget” but don’t dismiss it too quickly. Many of us still try to forget, push it away, or better still, try not to think about some hurt that was done to us in the past. We live in the hope that our heart will heal on its own and any bad feelings will just fade away. Sadly, this approach doesn’t always work. By holding onto anger or the resentment toward others as well as yourself, the feelings begin to worsen on a vibrational or energetic level. If you’ve been hurt in the past, and you’re holding onto negative feelings, they can take their toll on your emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being. Psychological effects include depression, tension, anxiety, and stress. Your whole cardiovascular, digestive, muscular, and nervous system can all be affected. Some people hold on these feelings for weeks, months, years, or in the most severe cases for the rest of their lives. Often times people generally have to blame someone. In these cases, people become accustomed to a
life filled with rage, hurt, anger, and bitterness. They assume the personality of that energy, and the negative emotions become who they are. Here’s an interesting scenario. If all those feelings were confiscated, who would that person become? As we’re all made up of energy, we end up holding on to these emotions of pain and anger. We resonate specific vibrations by the natural laws of “ As like attracts like.” We end up attracting others who have the same issues and problems. This is another example of energy drain, which I call soul leakage. For many, especially when the hurt is deep, it’s impossible to imagine forgiving someone who’s caused such physical, mental, or emotional pain. Making the conscious decision to start the forgiveness process is the first step in letting go of the pain and marks the beginning of the healing process. When we forgive, we can get back to loving ourselves, and start to vibrate at a higher level through our heart center and attract love in many forms. Now wouldn’t you rather be attracting that into your life instead of pain and negativity? Omtimes.com
DoAnimals Have Souls? By Rev. Will Tuttle, Ph.D.
There is a hot-selling book by Gary Zukav, entitled Seat of the Soul, which is highly esteemed and discussed by many people who consider themselves progressive, open-minded, and Omtimes.com
spiritually aware. Someone gave me a copy recently, and I browsed through it. When I came to the chapter entitled “Souls,” I was disturbed by Zukav’s proclamation that
only humans have individual souls, and that every animal is part of what he refers to as the “group soul” of its species. “Each human being has a soul. The journey toward individual soulhood is what distinguishes the human kingdom from the animal kingdom. Animals do not have individual souls. They have group souls. Each cat is a part of the group soul of a cat, and so on.” He also says that there is a hierarchy within the group souls of animals and that dolphins and apes are higher than dogs which are higher than horses, and so forth. He offers no evidence, though, for his hypotheses. This book appears to be another wave in the sea of literature our culture has produced that tries to justify humanity’s abuse of animals on spiritual grounds. Readers of Zukav’s book are nodoubt comforted knowing that the chicken, fish, cow, or pig they are eating or wearing was not really an individual with a soul, but just an expression of its species’ “group soul.” It seems unfortunate and ironic that this national bestseller which
purports to elucidate spirituality and raise consciousness actually does the opposite, deadening its readers’ sensibilities and blinding them to the reality of the suffering that individual animals experience because we reduce them to objects, mere fractions of a hypothetical “group soul.” It harkens back to an earlier era in this country when the similar wording was used by religious leaders, Bibles in hand, proclaiming that black people had no individual souls, that they merely had a group soul. It harkens back also to Thomas Aquinas who, a thousand years ago, proclaimed that animals have no souls, nor do women have souls. Though women were granted souls, it appears that those in power decide who have souls, for their own purposes. Voltaire wisely said, “If we believe absurdities, we will commit atrocities.” Culture is the product of conversations. I urge all vegans to speak up and to reject the absurdities like Zukav’s that parade as
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Why Ethics for NonHumans, Matters. By Cathedral Of the soul
We live in an ever-changing world, where we are active spectators to the progress of technology in our Digital Age which is changing our society one kilobyte at a time. At the same time, we are also witnessing the quick transformation of our environment and an accelerated pace of mass extinction to many of the animal species we share this planet with. All education should be directed toward the refinement of the individual’s sensibilities in relation not only to one’s fellow
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humans everywhere but to all living things whatsoever. ~Ashley Montagu It is very sad to see that while the technological progresses, the globalized world does not translate into a more ethical society, where the lessening of suffering should have been actively pursued and morally prioritized. Maybe the idea of Animal and Environmental Ministry could have been a source of disbelief and even disregard a couple of decades ago, but in our current society, the relationship with animals has shifted dramatically, not only at the personal level but also at the global level. This ministry is a doorway to a bigger understanding about the interconnection and interdependence of life, and the quest for more meaningful, mindful, and ethical Human relationships with all the sentient beings. The Role of Animal Ministry and Animal Chaplains Many religions have precepts and recommendations on how to deal with our animal companions. The Bible is filled with references to the service and love of our animal
brothers. The Bible tells us, “A righteous man care for the needs of animals” (Proverbs 12:10). Our Animal Chaplain curriculum is a comprehensive educational outreach which encompasses Human Living and Ethics of Life. In many religious traditions, we are taught that our spirituality is closely knitted and, in many cases, intersecting the spiritual world of our animals. We believe that is the Animal Chaplain’s duty to facilitate the integration and bond between all the sentient beings, i.e., Human beings and non-human beings. Why Ethics for Non-Humans Matter “By ethical conduct toward all creatures, we enter into a spiritual relationship with the universe.” ~Albert Schweitzer We believe that education and understanding are essential to building a compassionate, integral, holistic society of the future, where the interdependency between all beings on the web of life is regarded as important, honored,
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How to Relax into Receiving Love By Jennie Lee
Because our wellbeing depends on our ability to give and receive love completely, we must release any and all beliefs that limit love. Receiving is an acquired skill, just as giving is, and we need
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to become unconditionally receptive to love in all its forms. Sometimes we block it as it comes to us from another because the way they choose to express it is not necessarily the way in which we most wish to receive it. For instance, someone may be capable of expressing love through a kind gesture but not through clear communication. If we can release judgment and allow ourselves to receive love as it is imparted, then we will feel an expansion. If we limit love to how it feels most comfortable or familiar to us, then we may miss many opportunities to receive it. Part of allowing ourselves to be loved is opening to receive in ways that we may not have experienced before, and also be willing to offer love to another in a way that may feel unnatural to us, but meaningful to them. Every time we expand our ability to receive love, we simultaneously expand our ability to give love,
and vice versa. If we intend to know ourselves as love, then any relationship in which we act lovingly will be fulfilling, because intention creates meaning. If not, then it does not matter how much attractiveness or compatibility might be present at first, over time, love will fade. The happiest relationships are those we relate to from our highest Self, and that foster our spiritual growth in this life. Remember, we do not have to earn love. Love is always with us and around us, ours from our first breath. As we enlarge and clarify our consciousness, love emerges in new ways and shines through the barriers erected by our personal histories. Anytime we are not aligned with love, we will notice tension, in mind, in the body, or in the heart. Muscular relaxation and mental surrender go hand in hand, and love is the greatest catalyst. As we still the restless
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Finding the Spirit of the Holidays Within By John Holland
Is the holiday season usually overly stressful for you? For many people, the answer is probably ‘Yes!’ When you stress out over the holidays with all the preparation, shopping, wrapping gifts, etc., you might easily lose sight of just what the holiday season supposed
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to mean. It should be a time of joy, love, sharing, merriment, magic, and for some, a spiritual experience. So, what can you do to feel the “spirit of the holidays” so that you truly enjoy this wonderful happy time? What would make you happy and calm this holiday season? I find that making plans ahead of time helps to alleviate the anxiety and expectation of the holidays. Once I’ve done a bit of forwarding planning, I find I have space to think, and surprisingly, the spirit of the holidays slips into my soul when I least expect it. It can happen when I am decorating, planning an evening of entertaining with good friends, playing some holiday music or it can pop in out of the blue like it did the other day. I was at the local store a few days ago, and I saw a mom with her young son looking at toys in one of the aisles. I could tell she didn’t have a lot of money and she was also heavily pregnant with another child. Her young son was wide-eyed as he looked at a video game system that he hoped his mom could buy. I
continued shopping, and when I was done, I went to the cash register to find the mom with her son standing in front of me. I was pleased to see that she had the video game system on the counter. As the cashier was ringing up the game, the price that came up on the register was higher she’d thought! The cashier advised the woman that she was looking at the wrong price tag for the system. The video game system price was much higher than she thought it was and slowly took the system off the counter as she excused herself and slowly walked back to the toy aisle to put it back on the shelf. I could hear her son begin to cry because he was not going to get his special gift that day. She tried to comfort the boy and starting pointing out other toys that she could afford and hopefully one that he would enjoy. I finished up at the cashier counter and felt drawn to walk over to see the mom. I could tell that he was a good kid. I don’t know why, but I felt that I just wanted to help. I asked the mom, who looked a little startled at a total stranger approaching her: “He Omtimes.com
Claiming Our Place in Troubled Times By Robyn M Fritz MA MBA CHt
In these chaotic times, we are choosing how we define ourselves: as way-followers, who cling to outdated mindsets and institutions, or as wayshowers, who are creating a worldwide community that chooses strength in diversity. We begin by first finding our
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“true self,” which helps us compassionately engage others. Especially at the holidays. Every generation has a defining moment, something they choose that says, “That is how they’ll remember us.” There were the extreme challenges, like the Great Depression and World War II, and the triumphs, like the Renaissance and the Space Age. As we define ourselves, what will we choose: what defeated us or what built us? What Our Chaotic Times Mean In the last few years, community worldwide has been shattered by escalating violence compounded by a bewildering divisiveness that mars our daily lives. In our families and social circles, we’ve been shocked when the previously mild-mannered lash out: “If you criticize my president I’m walking out.” Sadly, this theme reverberates worldwide: “They don’t believe what I believe, and I refuse to connect.” What is going on?
Of course the age-old quandary, fear versus love: choosing between embracing lack and disharmony or embracing connection and living full out. Throughout history, that struggle has historically played out in divisiveness. We are human, it’s a given. But this new divisiveness is signaling an epoch change, our defining moment. The fear-full cling to what they believe makes them worthy: an outdated patriarchal worldview and its religious and cultural institutions. As these icons buckle, and world citizenship rises up, fear struggles for relevance, while those who are ready to grow into something new are mystified and unbalanced by the chaos. What do we do? We create new leaders. Choosing Who We Are and Who Leads Us How do we choose leadership? Will we continue to defer to a nation-state or will we come home to ourselves?
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What True Love Really Looks Like By Marcia Naomi Berger
Everyone praises the value of love. This article challenges the popular culture’s emphasis on love as being loved or at least receiving love in reciprocation for the loved one gives. It explains that real love takes us beyond self-centeredness and motivates us to connect meaningfully with another. Loving is really more about relationship partners giving of themselves and making sacrifices for each other, to keep their relationship thriving. Omtimes.com
Romance novels, movies, and fairytales glorify love at first sight, which rarely leads to a fulfilling marriage because it is usually based on fantasy. Yes, there are exceptions, but Anna’s experience is more common.
It hadn’t occurred to Anna to find out before getting physically intimate what kind of relationship Josh was looking for, or to know what kind she wanted until her disappointment showed her what she didn’t want.
In Hebrew, “the word for love — Ahavah — includes the Aramaic word have, which means ‘Give!’ (And the initial letter alef makes it mean, ‘I will give.’) Loving . . . is not so much receiving, as giving of oneself, and making sacrifices for others.”
How Not to Fall Crazy in Love
Anna’s Story Anna, in her mid-20’s, met Josh on a dating site. She was so charmed that instead of sensibly limiting their first date to not more than a couple of hours, she agreed to a six-hour round trip drive to a scenic location. They returned to her place exhausted around 1 a.m. She said he could share her bed but without sex. Their next couple of dates did include sex. Anna was in love — but with a fantasy. He loved recreational sex, not her. Their “relationship” quickly evolved into his texting her when he felt like “hooking-up.” She was heartbroken.
Many people think it’s natural to fall in head-over-heels love. Why suppress what happens naturally? Many marriage-minded women, like Anna, get involved before knowing what kind of relationship the man wants. They confuse sex with love. Hormones have a way of doing that for many women. Many continue to repeat their mistake in future relationships and become cynical about men and marriage because it never works out. Before considering physical intimacy, a sensible woman learns what kind of relationship both she and the man want. If he says he hopes to marry, she takes her time to determine if they’re likely to be compatible in the long run and to see if she likes the real him—his values and interests; his strengths and weaknesses; and his endearing and annoying habits. Omtimes.com
Coping with Holiday Expectations We expect things in life. We expect things to be as they were in our childhood, the way we were brought up. We expect things to be the way we want them to be,
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the way we feel things should be. We expect things to be the way we want them to be in our love life, our careers, our families, our vacations and our relationship with others. “The greater you expect things to be, the harder it is to deal with things that do not go your way!” Already, I can sense resistance! Having no expectations is one of the greatest lessons we can learn. This is not an easy concept to wrap your mind around. In my practice, I see this every day: The 30-year-old female who gives up other interests, activities, and friends, now that she is in this new relationship. She is expecting that each new relationship is “the one.” She feels incomplete without a relationship, and
she is expecting that he will change into the man she wants him to be. The 75-year-old grandmother, who expects her children and grandchildren to all be with her on every single holiday. The 23-year-old college grad who expects to have all the computer companies knocking at his door to employ him because he was at the top of his graduating class. Are you ready to forget about what you think you want and learn more about the endless possibilities that are available to you? 1. Allow change to happen freely. 2. Let go of old ideas. 3. Embrace new ideas, no matter how different they are from yours.
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The Gentle Rhythm of Harmlessness by Linda Bloom
Reflecting on the word harmlessness, we can begin to discover what that word means to you. The guided visualization, inspired by Wayne Muller, is a powerful commitment to live a life of Omtimes.com
non-harm, which is enlivening to relationships. When we are challenged to make decisions about how to best proceed in our relationship, we can run our decision through the fine sieve of harmlessness and our relationship is likely to thrive as a result. Once we imagine the depths that we can move to if we live a life without inner conflict, our motivation to practice harmlessness with others and ourselves increases. We want to find ways to be sure that we are living without violence toward ourselves or anyone else, especially to those with whom we are the closest. Reflect on the following words as a guided visualization (inspired by Wayne Muller) and then form the essence of the meditation into your own words. First, consider the word harmlessness and see what that word means to you. Take a moment to assess whether you are ready to make this vow to relate to ourselves without condemnation of any
kind. As soon as we are ready to honor ourselves in this way, another vow is likely to follow to be kind, considerate and caring of those around us. We experience peace when we stop the pain of violent language that infects our minds, and that spills over to cause harm to others. With each breath, feel the gentle rhythm of expansion and the contraction. The breath guides us into the depth of our heart. With each breath, we soften and open the space around the center of our chest. From this breath forward, I will do no harm to myself or to others, neither in my thoughts or my words nor my actions. I will refuse to use violence toward myself or anyone else. We can gently become aware of any resistance we may meet in our body/mind to taking this vow. Meet any resistance to understanding. Caress the resistance with the vow of non-harm. I will not judge, criticize, or in any
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The Power to Inspire By Marc Lainhart
What is that inspires us? For most ordinary people having a human experience is the stories and knowledge of those who have become before us, who have done extraordinary things, Those
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who had had a hand in changing the world, through their abilities, passion, choices, willingness, creative innovation, and ideas. Those with a selfless heart to be authentic, inspiring, and just plain different! People such as Abraham Lincoln, Mozart, Princess Diana, Mother Teresa, Winston Churchill, Gandhi, Jesus Christ, Thomas Jefferson, Muhammad, Rosa Parks, Nikola Tesla, Albert Einstein, Leonardo Da Vinci, Krishna, Galileo, Constantine, Nelson Mandela, Marcus Aurelius, Cicero, Joan of Arc, Dalai Lama, Bill Gates, Aristotle, William Shakespeare, Steve Jobs, Confucius, Mohammed Ali, and Martin Luther King Jr. among many others are included on my personal very long list of inspiring people. But all of those inspiring people listed above were “ordinary” people of their time who decided that they would make a difference
in the world and share their gifts despite nearly impossible odds, tremendous opposition, personal sacrifice, suffering, loss, judgment, and opinions. Inspiring people are true leaders who believe in themselves, on their cause, their passions, and plans and were willing to live an authentic life in service to others, society, our planet; and many made a real change in the human condition. There are many people not listed that make a difference every single day and do things that inspire all of us! Those are the people we want to be around who inspire us to be better, bigger than ourselves, kinder, more caring compassionate and make a difference in the world one day at a time. The beautiful and amazing thing about inspiration is the “ordinary” part of the human journey becomes “extraordinary.” Through the powers of freewill, determination, passion,
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Getting into The ‘Holiday Spirit’ 365 Days A Year By Marcia Sirota, MD. Even though the holidays are upon us, I’ve noticed that lately, many people in Toronto have been more rude, selfish and inconsiderate than usual. Driving in my car, I’m often cut
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off. People speed through red lights and try to squeeze into parallel-moving traffic, risking accidents as they muscle their way in. The other day, a small truck in front of me stopped at an intersection and stayed stopped, refusing to allow the growing line-up of cars to move forward. When somebody finally honked, the driver gesticulated angrily, even though he was the one holding up the traffic. On the subway, I’ve noticed more pushing and shoving. Men spread their legs across two seats even when someone else is standing nearby, loaded down with bags. On the streets, pedestrians race by one-other not looking where they’re going. They bash into someone and then hurry off angrily, blaming the other person for getting in their way. I hear the same stories from my friends and family members in the U.S. and
Europe, and the only reason I can see for this global increase in rude, selfish, inconsiderate behavior is a growing sense of alienation, here in Toronto and around the world. I’ve never thought that it was enough to simply encourage people to be more loving during the holidays. There seem to be more and people who carry on as though they don’t really care about anyone else. There’s an epidemic of loneliness and isolation out there, and this growing sense of disconnection makes people care even less about others. It’s as though we’ve forgotten -- or perhaps never realized -how deeply connected we all truly are. We need to understand that our behavior is contagious. The more rude, selfish and inconsiderate people are, the more those on the receiving end of the rudeness are inclined to be equally rude and
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