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And in that moment, our kids don't think: mom is having a hard day. They think: something must be wrong with me. That's what's at stake in the small moments.
For some parents, shifting that comes quickly. For others, and I was one of them, something older keeps getting in the way. The urge to fix, to control, to make it stop. Not because we don't know better. Because for years, cookies worked. And sometimes it's hard for our intentions to catch up.
The good news is that when we get it wrong and try again — and let them see us do it — we're not failing our kids. We're showing them what it looks like to be human. That hard moments don't have to be faced alone and that big emotions and confusion are not the same as being lost.
And here's what the research tells us — and what I've seen over and over in the families I work with: you don't have to get it right all the time. Getting it right 20-30% of the time is enough to outweigh the misses. That's not a consolation prize. That's neuroscience. And those small moments compound.
There are plenty of moments still in front of you. So the next time you're in one of those five seconds — after your kid says something hard and watches to see what you do — try one question: “is this about them or about me?”
And if the answer isn't clear right away — that's okay. That's the work. We all still reach for cookies sometimes. The di erence is learning to notice when we do.
Kids, Trusted
Parents
Tongue-tie/Lip-tie/Buccal-ties Frenectomy Specialists
Dr. Rishita Jaju
Board Certified Pediatric Dentist
Dr. Anh Dang
Board Certified Pediatric Dentist
