Harry The History Hound's Hysterical Historical Facts And Jokes - preview

First published 2016 by Nosy Crow Ltd

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London SE1 1QR

www.nosycrow.com

ISBN 978 0 85763 619 5

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Text © Tracey Turner 2016

Illustrations © Sarah Horne 2016

The right of Tracey Turner to be identified as the author and Sarah Horne to be identified as the illustrator of this work has been asserted.

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What do you get if you cross Henry V’s fool with a football team?

Mad Jester United.

That one made me howl!

What do you call a knight who likes jousting? Sir Lance-alot.

Why did knights swap places with one another before a tournament? It was the knight shift.

STINKY FACT

In Victorian times, ‘pure collectors’ gathered dog poo from the streets. They sold it to tanners, who used it in the horrible and smelly leather-making process.

What did the pirate say when his wooden leg got stuck in Arctic ice?

‘Shiver me timbers!’

Who invented fire?

Some bright spark.

What did Henry VIII become on his 21st birthday?

A year older.

Which skinny grandson of James VII tried to become king of Britain?

Boney Prince Charlie.

PUTRID PLAGUE FACT

There were plenty of revolting cures for the Black Death, the plague that struck Britain in 1348. One was to strap a live chicken to a plague sore.

When did early people become more smartly dressed?

In the Iron Age.

What is the favourite theme park ride of Anne Boleyn’s ghost? The rollerghoster.

FATAL FACT

The Earl of Huntly led a rebellion against Mary Queen of Scots. His rebellion was defeated and he was killed in battle, but Mary wanted his land, and the only way to get it was to have the Earl convicted of treason. So the Earl’s body was put on trial, found guilty and beheaded.

What do you get if you cross a knight with a vampire? A bite in shining armour.

Which inventor caused a revolution?

The inventor of the wheel.

Why did Robin Hood only steal from the rich?

Because the poor didn’t have anything worth stealing.

Why did Captain Hook cross the road?

To get to the second-hand shop.

FOUL FACT

Ugh, I feel a bit ruff!

In the Middle Ages, castle toilets emptied into the moat or a toilet pit.

People kept their clothes in toilets because the smell kept moths away.

STINKY FACT

The smell of sewage in the River Thames was so bad during the hot summer of 1858 that it became known as the Great Stink. Sheets dipped in powerful chemicals were hung at the windows of the House of Commons to keep out the terrible whiff.

What was Henry VIII’s biggest worry? His receding heir line.

Where did knights go to eat their dinner?

An all-knight diner.