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1. Using comedic exaggeration, please comment on how thin this week’s issue of The Stranger is. Here are three examples to get you started:
a. This week’s issue of The Stranger is so thin that if you turn it sideways, it disappears.
b. What happens if you try to open this week’s issue of The Stranger? Nothing. A single piece of paper can’t be split in half lengthwise.
c. This week’s issue of The Stranger is as thin as the job prospects of Stranger staffers, who will presumably be out of work soon because the paper is so thin.
2. JEN GRAVES contributes another surprisingly readable visual art review in this week’s paper, which, if you don’t count last week’s special Regrets issue, means that she has written two decent reviews in a row. Has Ms. Graves been replaced by a Google-produced content-making algorithm prototype? Or does practice make perfect after all?
3a. In the music section, EMILY NOKES celebrates the music club Neumos, which is now 10 years old (or, if you include a previous incarnation of the club, 20), by interviewing the club owner and several bands that have played there. Besides some mean-spirited gossip about Gavin Rossdale, can you find anything newsworthy in this advertorial piece? Could one reason for The Stranger’s relative thinness this week have to do with Ms. Nokes giving away advertising for free in a section of the paper ordinarily set aside for content?
3b. On a separate sheet of paper, list the reasons Gavin Rossdale doesn’t deserve this kind of shoddy treatment. (Note: Even though they may seem so, Rossdale’s dreamy eyes are not a good enough reason.)
4. CLARE GORDON reviews two Scandinavian bakeries in Seattle. Is there a word for hoping that something is so irrelevant, it somehow magically swings back into relevance? Could that be the impetus behind this piece, do you think?
5. In the theater section, BRENDAN KILEY discusses a play that combines noted film actor Christopher Walken with Russian literature. In the books section, PAUL CONSTANT reviews a memoir set, in large part, in Soviet Russia. Could this represent a push by The Stranger’s editorial board to coax the general public into reconsidering communism, perhaps at the behest of new Seattle City Council member Kshama Sawant? What other reason could there be to highlight these two works of art at this particular moment? Does this probable editorial mandate indicate a problematic road for The Stranger in 2014?
Martyr
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Last week, we published a helpful guide called “It Looks Like You’re Apologizing for Being Racist! Would You Like Help?” by Picky, the Anthropomorphized Afro Pick. Picky offered suggestions like “1. Don’t tell us you’re not racist,” and “2. For the love of Christ, using the ‘some of my best friends/coworkers are black’ argument is a terrible decision.” Commenters had some opinions about Picky. Here’s a sampling.
Comment by siduri: I would add: 4. If all you can say is “I’m sorry if you were offended,” then shut up until you can do better. 5. If you’re about to say something that could be reframed as “I’m not racist but…” then shut up, shut up, shut up. 6. Shutting up is really an option! I know your feelings are hurt and you feel like you were misunderstood but you actually CAN just stop talking now! Your special-snowflake feelings are not actually the most important thing here! 7. Just say “I fucked up and hurt people and I’m really sorry.” AND THEN SHUT UP.
Comment by Zebes: Also: Don’t sit and just deny you’re racist. Fess up, try to understand why what you said is a problem, and look for ways to fix your behavior. All sorts of people make racist comments all the time; you’re only a shitty person if you refuse the opportunity to grow as a person afterwards.
Comment by undead ayn rand: Don’t forget 4. Pointing out something you did once that wasn’t racist. Well holy shit, that changes everything!
Comment by Phoebe in Wallingford: Point #3 is correct. It is better to start a conversation than to make a statement. Therefore, to refrain from arbitrarily calling someone a racist would go hand-in-hand with that advice.
Comment by bareboards: I call myself a racist all the time. Am I proud to be racist? Hell no. It embarrasses the hell out of me. Do I fight against my internal programming (having grown up with a proudly racist father, being surrounded by the media images that paint young black men mostly one way, etc etc)? Yep. But I am an ashamed racist. I hate what my brain does without my permission.
Comment by undead ayn rand: @bareboards: Yeah, that consciousness is at least more trustworthy than anyone who says something that happened didn’t happen because it couldn’t have happened because NOT RACIST.
Comment by Lissa: @Phoebe in Wallingford: Oh Phoebe, did the point muss your do even a little bit as it flew over your head? No?
Aqua Net certainly is a wonder.
Comment by Phoebe in Wallingford: @Lissa: Aqua Net, do they even still make that? I haven’t seen it on the shelves for some time.
Comment by Your List Is Racist: I see no solutions here for responding to people who indiscriminately throw around the word “racist” as an argument-stopping technique. This list implicitly assumes that the anonymous person in question actually WAS being racist.
Comment by pinksoda: @Your List Is Racist: Here’s a solution: how about asking that person, “I’m sorry, what was it I said that offended you? I would like to understand why it was offensive.” There, no blame assigned or denial of feelings, just an honest attempt at growing as a person. Of course, that wasn’t really what you were asking, was it? You were really asking how you, personally, could be excused from the responsibility of saying something offensive. Well, here’s another thought for you: if you really weren’t being offensive, more conversation can actually make that point for you. You may even get an apology out of it. At the very least, you will have conveyed that you are willing to have been wrong if it means understanding someone else’s point of view better.
ever accused me of being racist, but as a privileged midwestern middle-class white daughter of socially aware educated parents, I’m conscious that I am racist. I don’t mean to be racist, and I’m a lot less racist than many people, but I know I am. Someday, I’m going to slip up and say something ill-considered and stupid that will come off as racist, and this advice will be useful.
Comment by Jizzlobber: It’s worth noting that a lot of white people who throw around the word “racist” in an accusatory way often have their own racial biases—they’ve just suppressed them more. People absolutely should acknowledge their racial biases and the fact of ongoing institutional racism, but sometimes the loudest accusers and finger-pointers are overcompensating for their own issues, and I think sometimes that the reluctance of certain people to admit their racism is a reaction to perceived hypocrisy. Group public shaming can often seem as nasty and shrill as the worst crypto racist ranting.
Comment by undead ayn rand: @Jizzlobber: Essentially “Wah wah your intolerance of my intolerance is worse because wah”… I expect to get called out when I say something embarrassing and stupid, and I expect to get called out more when I refuse to acknowledge that I did something stupid.
Comment by wingedkat: No one has
Do something stupid at THESTRANGER.COM
DAVID SCHMADER
MONDAY, DECEMBER 30 This week of unconscious cops, extinguished horror, and meaty Arabian rain kicks off with some noteworthy chaperoning in Florida, where an adult couple is in hot water after allegedly forcing a teenage relative to get wasted. “Under the care of Rusty and Kim Johnson, the victim, a relative of the couple, was made to witness and participate in smoking marijuana and
drinking beer, according to arrest documents,” reports Orlando’s WKMG News. “Rockledge police say the Johnsons also allowed the victim to drive, without a license, while under the influence of the drugs.” After two days of allegedly being forced to party and drive around wasted against his will, the teen sought help from another family member, who contacted the Rockledge Police Department. After the teen tested positive for both pot and alcohol, police arrested Rusty and Kim Johnson on charges of child abuse.
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 31 Speaking of alleged drugging and driving, the week continues in nearby Newcastle, where this evening an on-duty King County Sheriff’s Office deputy appeared to be passed out behind the wheel of his patrol car in a Starbucks parking lot. “According to Sgt. Cindi West, a person called
To submit an unsigned confession or accusation, send an e-mail to ianonymous@thestranger.com. Please remember to change the names of the innocent and guilty.
I was standing on a chair at the back of Chop Suey trying to see the band when you grabbed my ass without invitation. You are fucking lucky you chose me because I was just intoxicated enough to try and let you off with a warning: “Don’t grab my ass again.” But what would a perfectly entitled douchebag like yourself say to someone with enough audacity to politely request you not physically assault her? “Don’t make it so presentable.” You then grabbed my ass a second time for good measure before quickly disappearing into the crowd. Let me tell you something, you piece of shit: What you did is thirddegree sexual assault. I will never again politely request to not be assaulted, but I will give a boot to the balls of you or anyone else who crosses the line. You are rape culture, you dickwad.
911 to report a deputy was hunched over the steering wheel of his parked, fully-marked patrol vehicle,” reports KIRO. “Authorities arrived at the scene and woke up the 46-yearold deputy. They saw signs of impairment, but alcohol was not suspected. After an investigation, the deputy was [suspected of being] under the influence of some sort of drug, possibly a narcotic. He was booked into the King County Jail for physical control of a motor vehicle, which is the legal equivalent of driving under the influence when no driving is observed.”
Snowden was clearly justified in believing that the only way to blow the whistle on this kind of intelligence-gathering was to expose it to the public and let the resulting furor do the work his superiors would not.” Thank you, New York Times and Edward Snowden.
FRIDAY, JANUARY 3 In worse news, the week continues in Florida, where today a man was arrested at a Papa John’s pizzeria after allegedly having multiple sexual encounters with his roommate’s dog. Details come from Florida Today, which identifies our subject as 22-year old Palm Bay man and Papa John’s employee Joshua Werbicki, and his alleged victim as his roommate’s German shepherd. “Police say the sexual acts were recorded by in-home surveillance cameras,” reports FT. “Werbicki was arrested and booked on charges of cruelty to animals and sexual acts involving animals.”
northern Plains to the Midwest and down into the Tennessee Valley,” reports meteorologist Brian Lada at Accuweather.com. “Overnight lows are forecast to dip well below the zerodegree mark in these areas, even dropping to 30 below zero in parts of Minnesota and North Dakota.”
SUNDAY, JANUARY 5 Nothing happened today, unless you count the human body parts that rained down on the Saudi Arabian city of Jeddah, which police suggested could be the remains of someone trapped in an aircraft’s undercarriage bay. “In a desperate attempt to cross borders, some people at poorly monitored airports climb inside the bays housing aircraft landing gear,” reports Agence France Presse. “Most of them freeze to death once the aircraft reaches cruising altitude, but some survive.”
WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 1 Happy New Year! In much worse news, the week continues at Neighbours , the Seattle nightclub that’s reigned as the city’s biggest gay bar since before any of us were born. Typically a site of great gay merriment, this morning Neighbours almost became ground zero for a tragedy when just after midnight, someone poured gasoline on the bar’s carpeted stairway and lit it on fire. “The bar in the 1500 block of Broadway was occupied by over 750 patrons celebrating New Year’s Eve at the time,” reports the SPD Blotter. “The fire was quickly discovered before it could spread beyond the stairway and was extinguished with a fire extinguisher… An orderly evacuation was accomplished and no one was injured.” Nevertheless, holy fuck, and thank God for the fast-acting military men who sprang into action to extinguish the flames. “I’m embarrassed to say, my first move was to go after [the fire] with cups of water,” said US Army Staff Sergeant Christopher Bostick, an army intelligence veteran who’s served in Iraq and Afghanistan, to KIRO. “Then I quickly realized, this fire is way bigger than that.” With help from his air force buddy Mike Casey and a fire extinguisher, Bostick managed to douse the flames before the fire got out of control and likely saved many, many lives. “You know, in 30 seconds, if that fire did what the arsonist intended, there’s no telling how many people could have died,” said Bostick to KIRO. “This was a planned attack on a large quantity of people in order to affect an entire community. To me, that’s terrorism.” The search for the suspect continues. If you saw anything suspicious in or around Neighbours on New Year’s Eve, call the SPD tip line at 684-8980.
THURSDAY, JANUARY 2 In better news, the week continues with the New York Times, which today voiced its support for granting clemency or a plea deal to NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden . “Considering the enormous value of the information he has revealed, and the abuses he has exposed, Mr. Snowden deserves better than a life of permanent exile, fear, and flight,” writes the Times editorial board. “He may have committed a crime to do so, but he has done his country a great service… In retrospect, Mr.
SATURDAY, JANUARY 4 Nothing happened today, unless you count the historymaking, humanity-imperiling cold weather battering parts of the country. “This brutal cold will bring danger to millions from the
BY WM. TM STEVEN HUMPHREY
It might be a little late to be suggesting resolutions, but I’ve been waiting patiently for you to make one in particular—and as usual? YOU HAVE DISAPPOINTED. So here’s your resolution: Stop sayin’ “Just sayin’.”
I REALLY HATE THAT!!!! People are constantly ending correspondences by sayin’ “Just sayin’,” when they actually mean a whole lot more! Here’s an example of what someone might say, prior to sayin’ “Just sayin’”:
“Dear Wm. Steven Hump-Me ™, you are clearly America’s finest literary talent. However, it really slaughters my goat when you refuse to write about NCIS or any of the NCIS spin-offs. You apparently don’t care about fine television drama, keeping your readership informed about fine television drama, or doing your job (which I’m told is writing about fine television drama). If you can’t write your column properly, perhaps your editors should replace you with someone who can. JUST SAYIN’.”
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Put out a fire at THESTRANGER.COM/SLOG
hole, Humpy!” AND THAT IS WHAT I’M SAYIN’!!!
Here are some fine television shows debuting this week:
• Spoils of Babylon (IFC, debuts Thurs Jan 9, 10 pm): A parody of those “epic” television miniseries, The Spoils of Babylon is a Will Ferrell–produced comedy about the super-wealthy Morehouses—a family of oil tycoons with a century-long history of lying, boozing, pill-popping, murdering, and incest-making. And it features a virtual cornucopia of stars including Kristen Wiig, Tim Robbins, Jessica Alba, Tobey Maguire, Val Kilmer, and Ferrell himself as the “Shah of Iran.” So, just sayin’, it’ll probably be a goddamn hoot!
First of all, NCIS blows donkey hole.
• Helix (Syfy, debuts Fri Jan 10, 10 pm): It looks like Syfy and exec producer Ron Moore (Battlestar Galactica) have another home run in the making with their new science fiction/horror show, Helix. Set in the not-distant future, CDC scientists are sent to a remote arctic research station to investigate patients with a mysterious virus. The symptoms? Oh, just black goo squirting out of every orifice and the possibility of the survivors turning into monsters. And that’s just the beginning of the mystery in this super-creepy, must-watch new series. EWWW! GROSS! LOVE IT. Just sayin’.
Well, okay, first of all, NCIS blows donkey hole. Secondly, you’re right about me being America’s finest literary talent. And thirdly, when you’re sayin’ “Just sayin’,” you’re actually just being PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE, which is a chicken-poop dick move You’re obviously very angry about whatever, but by sayin’ “Just sayin’,” you’re attempting to portray yourself as someone who doesn’t get upset about petty, inconsequential things—when you totally do and are So instead of sayin’ “Just sayin’,” OWN what you’re sayin’, or else just end your note by sayin’ what you REALLY mean, and that’s “just sayin’ you blow donkey
• True Detective (HBO, debuts Sun Jan 12, 9 pm): And the hits just keep on comin’! The buzz is huge for this new anthology crime series, starring a reportedly fantastic Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey as two complicated Louisiana cops on a 17-year search for a serial killer. The action jumps from the 1980s (with Woody and Matthew dressed in their best Miami Vice) to the present day, where both are broken and haunted by their—and the killer’s—actions. Just sayin’, a very far cry from donkey hole!
Read Humpy’s weekly TV listings at THESTRANGER.COM
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BY DOMINIC HOLDEN
Bertha, the world’s largest tunnel-boring machine, struck an eight-inch-diameter, 119-foot-long steel pipe in early December, officials revealed last week. The steel pipe brought
the 57-foot-wide behemoth to a halt and caused severe damage to the machine’s cutterhead.
But that’s just the beginning of troubles for the controversial state megaproject. At a press conference last Friday, state officials acknowledged the pipe was placed there by a state-hired contractor in 2002 during the early stages of the highway replacement project. The pipe was not removed as it should have been, thereby ultimately placing fault with the state for leaving the metal shaft behind and then sending a tunneling machine into its path.
That pipe may be just one of many obstacles. Crews have since sampled the soil ahead of the stalled machine and discovered more metal obstructions lodged in the tunnel digger’s path, which all must be removed before Bertha can proceed.
But when reporters peppered project managers with questions, they conceded there is currently no plan or timeline for removing the objects located more than 60 feet below downtown, raising concerns about possible delays, cost overruns, and who will foot the bill if the $4.2 billion project to replace the Alaskan Way Viaduct runs over budget.
Right now, it’s not even clear what else may be blocking Bertha.
“We have probed 12 holes and encountered
other obstructions in six of those holes,” said Chris Dixon, the program manager for Seattle Tunnel Partners, which has a $1.4 billion contract with the state to dig the tunnel. (His company is not the same contractor that installed the pipe 11 years ago.) The obstructions are not believed to be boulders or timber, Dixon said, leading him to believe they are “metal objects.” The tunneling machine’s face can churn though soil and break boulders, but it cannot chew through metal. (For its part, the Washington State Department of Transportation, which is responsible for the project, claims that out of 17 soil samples, there were only four obstructions.)
It’s fair to say that this amounts to a colossal setback for the megaproject—one that many worried would become a boondoggle.
The deep-bore tunnel is the largest part of the viaduct replacement project, a four-lane underground freeway that was the subject of controversy during planning stages due to speculation of unprecedented logistical hurdles, cost overruns, financing problems, and delays. Already a labor dispute stalled the project for a month last fall, in addition to this latest monthlong pause. Meanwhile, a contingency fund originally proposed at $415 million is only $40 million after inflation and other drains, shrinking the margins for affordable errors. The project budget also requires $400 million from future tolling revenue, but latest projections show the state may collect only about $165 million. All of these setbacks and shortfalls raise red flags—particularly when just a fraction of the tunnel has been dug—because state law prohibits spending additional money if the project runs over budget.
There is currently no plan or timeline for removing the objects in Bertha’s way.
“We need to remove the other pieces of metal so we do not cause further damage to the tunnel-boring machine,” said Matt Preedy, the state’s deputy program administrator for the project. “We don’t want to push the limit with this thing.” The multimillion-dollar machine has completed about one-tenth of its route and must remain in working order, he said, adding that officials don’t know “if the pipe is the only issue or one of several,” and it would take “a little while to explore” the situation.
Typically, tunneling megaprojects run 34 percent over budget, according to a report by Bent Flyvbjerg, a Danish professor at the University of Oxford. But former governor Chris Gregoire’s transportation secretary insisted in 2009, “There won’t be any cost overruns.” And Seattle City Council member Tom Rasmussen, a tunnel backer who chairs the council’s transportation committee, claimed in 2010 that project bids “should put the question of cost overruns to rest.”
But the overrun issue is wide-awake these days.
As the Tacoma News Tribune titled an editorial on December 30, “If Bertha gets snagged, don’t send bill to the state.” State law says that Seattle must bear all cost overruns, a statute that many claim is unenforceable but
may be subjected to politics in the legislature, which is famously vindictive toward Seattle. The Tribune warns of “overruns to the tune of hundreds of millions of dollars,” adding that when it comes to the law requiring Seattle to pay overruns, “the legislature has made its intent clear—and lawmakers should make certain it does get enforced.”
The state and Seattle Tunnel Partners still refuse to answer many key questions: cost per day of delay, why the metal pipe was not removed before drilling, the nature of changes to contracts since digging began, or how many days of stalled operations the project can handle before running into delays and cost overruns. Officials stonewalled or feigned ignorance on the answers.
Trouble began on December 3, when Bertha struck the vertical pipe, which was part of a well originally designed to measure the groundwater when the state first considered the viaduct replacement, but officials decided to continue plowing through the pipe anyway. “The fact that [Bertha] performed well for two days [after first hitting the pipe] gave us a false sense of security,” said Dixon. Two days later, the machine was too belabored to proceed. “Tunnel-boring machines do not interact well with metal,” he continued. “The cutterheads cannot cut steel.”
Grinding through the metal with its sixstory-high rotating face of gnashing blades, the cutterhead sustained “unusual damage” to many of those cutting tools, said Dixon. He said it takes several hours to replace each tool, and “the device has hundreds of tools.” Dixon said, “We did not know the pipe was there” because such objects are “usually… decommissioned from the ground.”
Speaking for the state, which was ultimately responsible for removing the pipe, Preedy said the state knew about its location. “The location of the well [pipe] was described in certain documents.” But as for contracts to remove that pipe and whether the state may incur liability for failing to remove it, he said, “We don’t want to talk about contracts.”
BY GOLDY
Athousand celebrants packed into Seattle City Hall on January 6—the building’s largest crowd ever—as the city swore in its first openly gay mayor. But Mayor Ed Murray’s oath of office wasn’t the main attraction.
Omigod! Kshama Sawant is the new Mike McGinn! Whereas Ed Murray is a white, gay Norm Rice, or something.
Whatever.
Of course, there are major distinctions in style and substance between Murray and Sawant—never more on display than at their respective after-parties.
Murray’s supporters celebrated in the lush lobby of Benaroya Hall, under the watchful ocean-monster gaze of those ginormous Chihulys. The buzz there was not revolution, but day-to-day politics. Consultants and city hall staffers glad-handed each other over cheese plates, musing about how the new city council districts will change their politics as usual.
Meanwhile, Sawant supporters gathered down the street in a spare auditorium at SEIU 775 headquarters, drinking cheap wine from
Socialist city council member Kshama Sawant drew the loudest cheers and the most sustained applause as she denounced “international capitalism” while proclaiming from the center of this bastion of big-D Democracy that “working people need a new political party… accountable to themselves.” T-shirted, sign-waving Sawant loyalists raucously cheered as well-dressed, grim-faced Democratic Party regulars shifted on their heels, wondering what to do with their hands. Sawant herself displayed no such uncertainty, closing her speech by raising a fist in the air and declaring: “Solidarity.”
All that was missing was the mic drop.
paper cups as visiting Irish Socialist Party politician Joe Higgins delivered a fiery speech.
Fortunately for Murray’s turn in the spotlight, City Attorney Pete Holmes’s measured speech was a much easier act to follow. Armed with a rented teleprompter, a cranked-up sound system, and a well-crafted (if non-policy-specific) speech, Murray delivered one of his better performances. It was a speech targeted directly at the heart of the Democratic establishment, replete with the obligatory FDR and JFK references and chock-full of appeals to progressive values.
But even at his most optimistic, Murray managed to subtly go on the attack. “Government can function again, and Seattle can lead the way,” proclaimed Murray—a promise that implies Seattle city government didn’t function under his predecessor. “I see government not as a place for political posturing, but a place for pragmatism,” Murray continued, a declaration understood by many as an effort to draw a distinction between himself and the brash newcomer upstaging his coronation.
It was a distinction pundits were eager to pick up on. “Murray talks innovation; Sawant raises defiant fist at inauguration,” screamed the Seattle Times headline. “Murray pledges collaboration—Sawant: ‘No rotten sell-out,’” scowled SeattlePI.com blogger Joel Connelly.
• A group calling themselves the “Westlake Stakeholders Group” has appealed the city’s Bicycle Master Plan, effectively putting the bike plan on hold during the appeal process. What are they so pissed about? A proposed cycle track on Westlake Avenue North. The group warns that the proposed cycle track “may result in a substantial loss of parking which would be a serious threat to the viability of our community.” Siiiiiiigh. Not this shit again.
• The sweetest moment of Monday’s City Hall inauguration ceremonies came when a hot mic caught city council member Nick Licata whispering to his wife, Andrea Okomski, “You’re beautiful,” just before
But for all the differences in style and ideology, the real tension behind the scenes between Sawant and Murray is much more mundane. For example: The Murray camp was reportedly furious at Sawant for telling her supporters to show up to the inauguration with T-shirts and signs, accusing her of turning what should be a genteel celebration into a political rally. The day before the inauguration, Murray posted a defensive open letter to Sawant on Facebook, taking issue with a quote she gave the Seattle Times about “pressure from below” causing him to act on the minimum wage. And the mayor was no doubt miffed when, at the end of the ceremony, the local, national, and international news media mobbed Sawant at an impromptu press conference on City Hall’s steps, leaving him to wander off to Benaroya.
This isn’t about how to pass a $15 minimum wage. It’s about who gets the credit. And that’s a battle that will be fought in the press.
Additional reporting by Anna Minard.
she administered his oath of office.
• In other inauguration gossip: Ed Murray insisted on renting his own teleprompter and teleprompter operator to use for his inaugural speech (which several city hall staffers grumbled about as silly, expensive, and unprecedented).
• Mayor Ed Murray’s police chief news keeps getting scooped: Rumors had been flying that Seattle’s interim police chief, Jim Pugel, might step down so as to be a real contender for the permanent position. Earlier this week, Murray canceled a press conference after KIRO reported that he’d be naming a new interim. Now the rumors appear to be confirmed: KIRO reported on Tuesday, January 6, that Harry Bailey, a former assistant chief at the Seattle Police Department, would be stepping into the interim role. Murray spokeswoman Rosalind Brazel would not confirm the story as of press time, but a source at city hall did confirm the news.
I’m not drinking this month. My friend and I have a challenge, and I don’t intend to lose. But before agreeing, I checked the rules: Was I allowed to smoke pot? Yes, my friend said, smoke all the pot you want.
I don’t smoke much these days. I don’t even have a dealer anymore. But since pot would be my sole vice for a month, and considering I had tickets for The Hobbit, I needed to score some weed by Saturday.
Meanwhile, on the news, giddy stoners were streaming out of Denver’s first pot stores on New Year’s Day parading bags of weed before television cameras—gleefully making history with the first legal marijuana transactions in the United States since the 1930s. Washington State was two years ahead of Colorado in passing medical marijuana, and four years ahead in making pot busts the lowest priority in the largest city in the state, and both states legalized recreational marijuana simultaneously. But Colorado stole Washington State’s thunder on retail pot stores. Out here, our stores won’t open until spring or summer. So even though it’s legal for all adults to buy and possess up to an ounce of pot, there are still no legal businesses selling it to people who don’t have medical marijuana authorizations. We’re stuck scoring pot from dealers who are friends of friends, on their schedule.
But The Hobbit wasn’t going to watch itself.
And then someone messaged me on Twitter about Winterlife Co-op. Their Twitter page (@WinterlifeCoop) and website (winter lifecoop.com) make no bones about what they’re doing: Winterlife will deliver pot to your door “in around 45 minutes.” You don’t have to be a medical marijuana patient, just 21 or older with a photo ID. You call a hotline at 888-490-3666 from 10 a.m. to 9 p.m. daily, and they’ll hook you up, they say.
So I called.
“Thank you for calling Winterlife Cooperative. For delivery, press 1,” a recording chirped. Like a civilized person who wasn’t calling a pot dealer, I pressed 1. “Connecting call.”
A man who called himself Bear answered the phone. Everyone who works at Winterlife has a “critter” name, he explained. Some of the proceeds go to South Sound Critter Care, a nonprofit in Kent that saves injured and orphaned wildlife, from opossums to deer to geese. (Winterlife gave the group $1,300 at the end of last year, plus $500 to a kitten rescue in Mason County.) I asked Bear about the menu that’s updated daily on their website: Blueberry, Purple Kush, Dutch Treat, Perma Frost, and White Russian were $90 for a quarter ounce; less expensive strains included Bubblicious and Funky Skunk for $70 a quarter ounce. Dutch Treat is a hybrid of sativa and indica cannabis, Bear explained, and added, “It’s really good.”
“I’m not a medical marijuana patient,” I warned up front.
“You don’t have to be,” Bear assured.
OTTER ARRIVED IN A JACKET AND TIE He checked my ID and handed me a $90 bag of Dutch Treat.
Approximately one minute later, I got a text: “Hi, this is Otter with Winterlife. I was told you’re interested in delivery.” I gave Otter my address, and he texted: “No problem, man. I’ll be there in about 30 minutes.” REALLY? AN OTTER WAS COMING TO DELIVER ME LEGAL WEED THAT I ORDERED FROM A BEAR!?!!
Otter arrived in a jacket and tie. He checked my ID and handed me a $90 bag of pungent Dutch Treat; I handed him $90 and a tip. And that was that.
Suck it, Colorado.
Iknow what you are thinking: Is this allowed? The more I looked into it, the more evidence I found that Winterlife is not alone. I found at least one other cannabis courier service, Club Raccoons, which also has a Twitter account (@raccoons club) and a hotline (251-3352). How are services like these possible?
The answer is simple: “There is no crime defined for purchasing or obtaining marijuana,” says Alison Holcomb, the primary
partment spokesman Sergeant Sean Whitcomb. Pot delivery service is not a priority, he says, particularly because Washington is in a window between passing the legalization law and implementing a system to sell the product. “It is too early to say where a companion delivery service merits any further review,” he says.
Which is why companies like Winterlife make sense: They provide a practical stopgap service, a bridge between prohibition and legalization. Voters legalized pot to decimate the black market, and until the world catches up with them, Winterlife fills an aboveboard niche that the law doesn’t. That fits within a local tradition of drug-related stopgaps: deprioritizing pot enforcement, medical marijuana dispensaries, needle exchanges for hard-drug users, and ecstasy pill testing at raves are all in a legal gray area but hold public support because they satisfy an unmet need.
That’s essentially the argument raised by Evan, a founder of Winterlife, who asked that The Stranger not publish his last name. People want to buy pot safely and conveniently, and authorities seem to tacitly recognize his service is within the broad spirit of legalization, he says.
Evan says Winterlife runs a tight ship that includes paying taxes and possessing a state business license (although not a cannabis license). “Being that we are high profile, if we were to have nefarious goals or be a less-than-upright business, it would quickly come back to us in the form of complaints to city and police,” he says. “Given that we are in this position, it behooves us to provide the best, safest service possible.”
Does Evan have a critter name, too? I can’t resist asking.
“I am the opossum,” he says.
Winterlife makes customers sign a brief form that says, in essence, that everyone derives some medical benefit from cannabis (an attempt to put Winterlife under the umbrella of the state’s medical cannabis rules, and the right to an affirmative defense in court). “It doesn’t make it technically legal, but it does make it defensible,” Evan says. The possibility of federal prosecution “is always in the back of my mind,” he says, but Winterlife doesn’t sell to minors, sell in quantity, or sell across state lines—activities that would provoke attention from the Feds.
Even so, when licenses are issued to pot businesses later this year, the state still won’t officially allow for delivery, which is one aspect of the law that someone needs to change.
author of Initiative 502 that legalized marijuana. State law prohibits growing and selling pot without a license, but having pot is not prohibited, and how a person obtains that ounce “is irrelevant,” Holcomb says. “There is absolutely no penalty for purchase.”
On the other hand, Holcomb believes, “The person delivering that marijuana is guilty of a felony.” Still, there doesn’t appear to be any way to crack down on someone using the service, because there is no crime under state law to charge them with, and delivery services themselves don’t appear to be in any jeopardy. “As we have not licensed anyone yet, we do not have authority over anyone providing a marijuana home delivery service,” says Washington State Liquor Control Board spokesman Brian Smith, who makes it clear that delivery services are rogue operations. “The Seattle Police Department may take criminal action.”
But will they?
“Probably not,” says Seattle Police De-
As the legislature convenes this week, they should expand the law to allow delivery because retail stores will still be insufficient when they open. A byzantine combination of state and local rules dictates where stores may be located, and as a result, the outlets will be largely clustered in lower-income neighborhoods and absent in many other areas, contravening the goal of battling the black market. And it’s not what voters wanted.
Representative Christopher Hurst and Senator Jeanne Kohl-Welles, both experts on state marijuana laws, should consider a bill that legalizes practical delivery services like the one Winterlife provides.
At least, it sure was practical for me.
Now I have a quarter ounce of stinky pot at home—well, nearly a quarter ounce. Two hits made The Hobbit fly by in the blink of an Eye of Sauron. And normally, a quarter ounce would last me about a year. But who knows how much I’ll smoke in January. I’m not drinking this month.
• Fresh, seasonal produce without ever having to leave the comfort of your own
• Highest quality, 100% certified organic produce from our own Tahoma Farms and other local growers, year-round!
• Select from standard box types, or build your own through our webstore. Fruit, veggies, eggs, meat, coffee, grains, and more.
• Eat more healthfully and eliminate time-consuming grocery trips - all while supporting small, local farms!
The Hillman City revival continues at Union Bar, a cozy, no-gimmicks neighborhood joint run by two unionized teachers under the motto “Where Labor Rests.” The unambitious menu of burgers, salads, and sloppy sandwiches is good and reasonably priced—regulars rave about the deep-fried pickle chips, if you’re into that sort of thing—and the well-stocked bar offers an ample selection of local microbrews, including a rotating tap from tasty Spinnaker Bay Brewing across the street. But it’s the casual, dark-but-not dreary ambience that makes Union Bar a welcoming place to just hang out and enjoy a drink. (Union Bar, 5609 Rainier Ave S, 258-4377, 4–11 pm) GOLDY
The owner of the late, lamented Cafe Septieme has now written two very good books about food. Kurt Timmermeister’s Growing a Farmer was the story of how he bought and learned to love a Vashon Island farm. (If you’ve ever eaten Kurtwood Farms’ dairy products, you understand that plastic-wrapped cheese is a crime against humanity.) His new Growing a Feast tells the story of how a meal comes together, from the soil up. Tonight, Timmermeister debuts Feast with a special onstage conversation with Dan Savage, whose culinary experience involves eating at restaurants pretty frequently. (Town Hall, 1119 Eighth Ave, townhallseattle.org, 7:30 pm, $5) PAUL CONSTANT
If you’ve never dipped into the stream of crazy energy that is 14/48, the quick ’n’ dirty theater festival in which 14 new plays are created in 48 hours, you’re missing out on one of Seattle’s bizarre treasures. 14/48 is unpredictable by definition, always high-energy, and at least 72.5 percent fun, with a lining of ramshackle awkwardness to keep things interesting. On deck this weekend: Desdemona Chiang, Terri Weagant, Scot Augustson, Holly Arsenault, Emily Grogan, and dozens more. (ACT Theatre, 700 Union St, acttheatre.org, $20 adv/$25 DOS, 8 and 10:30 pm, Jan 10–18) BRENDAN KILEY
“Christopher Walken falls off a ladder in Russia and is unable to perform his Chekhov-inspired solo show. Karen, who apparently proofread the script once, is asked to go on in Walken’s place.” This is the plot synopsis for There There, the acclaimed theatrical venture directed by Paul Willis, designed by Peter Ksander, and written and performed by Kristen Kosmas. If that last name sounds familiar: In the 1990s, Kosmas was the brightest light of Seattle’s blooming performance-art scene. Now she’s the creator of the brain-bending show the New York Times hailed as a “language-drenched, resonant knockout.” Do not miss it. (On the Boards, 100 W Roy St, ontheboards. org, 8 pm, $20, Jan 9–12) DAVID SCHMADER
Truly were the last great grunge group, and their classic 1995 album Fast Stories… From Kid Coma should’ve shifted In Utero–like numbers. Led by guitarist/vocalist Robert Roth, this Seattle trio wrote bruising, romantic songs aglow with twilight poignancy and hard-luck soul. Truly’s gnarled, tuneful numbers soared somewhere between those of fellow Sub Pop dwellers Nirvana and Love Battery, and “Leslie’s Coughing Up Blood” remains one of the greatest, most harrowing songs to come out of Seattle. We’re blessed to have Truly back. (Neumos, 925 E Pike St, neumos.com, 8 pm, $15 adv, 21+) DAVE SEGAL
Cubicle culture and architecture has arisen as a major subtheme in art, with sculptures remixing office parts into absurdist, highminded abstractions, or deadpan photographs made from paper dioramas that look real, or documentary videos you still can’t believe aren’t fiction. In the parlance of the British Office, Seattle artist Graham Downing is the smart prankster Tim. Tonight, he opens a show of his photo-documentations of paintings he’s secretly hung in office environments, also secretly photographing them after hours. He puts bugs in the systems. (LxWxH, 6007 12th Ave S, lengthbywidthbyheight.com, 6–9 pm, free, through Feb 1 by appointment) JEN GRAVES
The celebrated novelist writes in his memoir Little Failure that his last name, with its “insane, Sovietized spelling” and eye-watering consonants, has “cost me a lot of human warmth.” He quotes a giggling receptionist going, “Mr., uh, I can’t pronounce this… Shit Shit Shitfart?” He discusses getting circumcised in second grade, doing psychedelic mushrooms at Oberlin, having a panic attack at Strand Bookstore, plus the horrors of Hitler and Stalin: “As I march my relatives across the pages of this book, please remember that I am also marching them toward their graves and that they will most likely meet their ends in some of the worst ways imaginable.” (Town Hall, 1119 Eighth Ave, townhallseattle.org, 7:30 pm, $30/includes copy of the book) CHRISTOPHER FRIZZELLE
While the Muppets are best when presented in a variety-show format that enables the Jim Henson Company to explore the limits of puppetry, the best of their movies are classics. I’ve got a soft spot for The Great Muppet Caper, but I acknowledge that The Muppet Movie is the first and best of all their films. It’s an all-singing, all-dancing road trip origin story that pulled the Muppets out of the small screen and introduced the whole world to their vocabulary. If you haven’t seen it since childhood, it’s even better with beer. (Central Cinema, 1411 21st Ave, central-cinema.com, 7 pm, $7 adv/$9 DOS, Jan 10–15) PAUL CONSTANT
More than 550 literary events, 1,900 presenters, & 650 exhibitors
February 26–March 1, 2014
Keynote Speaker Annie Proulx
Featuring
Washington State Convention Center & Sheraton Seattle Hotel Discounted registration rates are available through January 22, 2014
Exhibitors Include
Chris Abani, Elizabeth Alexander, Sherman Alexie, Coleman Barks, Frank Bidart, Richard Blanco, Timothy Egan, Gretel Ehrlich, Ben Fountain, Cristina Garcia, David Guterson, Joy Harjo, Robert Hass, Jane Hirshfield, Gish Jen, Rachel Kushner, Erik Larson, Chang-rae Lee, Ursula K. LeGuin, Barry Lopez, W.S. Merwin, Harryette Mullen, Sharon Olds, Carl Philips, Mary Ruefle, Brenda Shaughnessy, Gary Snyder, Amy Tan, Colm Tóibín, Tobias Wolff, and hundreds of other writers, teachers, editors, publishers, and literary tastemakers.
American Poetry Review, Bedford / St. Martin’s, BookForum, Center for Fiction, Copper Canyon Press, the Council of Literary Magazines & Presses, Graywolf Press, n+1 Magazine, National Book Critics Circle, National Endowment for the Arts, New Directions, The New York Review of Books, Poetry Foundation, Red Hen Press, Richard Hugo House, The Rumpus The Sun Magazine Tin House, Univ. of Pittsburgh Press, W.W. Norton & Company, Writers in the Schools, and hundreds of other presses, journals, magazines, and literary organizations.
BY JEN GRAVES
Linda Davidson’s newest puzzle, Nearer to Thee, was inspired by a video shot by a father and daughter in East Texas. They were in their car on the side of the road watching black plumes rise from a burning oil plant. A sudden ball of color burst out—a new explosion. It stunned them. You think you know what you’re seeing, then it explodes. Davidson depicted that real-life 2013 explosion in a scatter of 236 square panel paintings.
media, Acrylic transfer, Resin, Melted plastic garbage, Things torched, Spraypaint, Paper, Collage, Scrap metal, Leather.”
Room 104 is a little tight. But step back as much as you can, and those 236 disparate paintings agglomerate into a view of that Texas oil fire, an amorphous explosion spreading up and out. Individual panels—depicting a falling man, a lick of red paint (or head-wound blood), a corner from a dot-printed news photograph, the scribbled words “lust” and “waste” and “woops”—have individual relationships to the conglomerated catastrophe.
Linda Davidson: Nearer to Thee Room 104 Through Feb 22
Together, they form a whole full of holes. There are spaces between the paintings, which are arranged in a grid spanning two walls. Each panel is six by six inches, but their size is all they have in common. Otherwise, they look like they were made by 236 different artists: Davidson is a one-woman show containing many characters with many voices. Monochromes line up next to Asiantextile-influenced pattern paintings. A thick square of neon-orange-tinged whitecaps of oil—a vision conjured by an urban ironist— lines up near a smooth, serene view of a distant flock of birds in a dreary sky. The radiating Borrowed Sunset—each panel has its own title—has to be a smeary quote from J.M.W. Turner himself.
The panels are plastered with such disparate materials that I asked the artist for a list. She sent: “Sheet lead, Plaster, Oil (impasto, glaze, wet on wet, poured), Watercolor, Casein, Gouache, Chalk pastel, Graphite, Charcoal, Blood (mine! Head wound!), Pomegranate juice, Paint rag, Cotton sheets, Lace, Burlap, Linen, Glue, Gesso, Acrylic paint and
Davidson teaches at Cornish; she moved to Seattle in 1997 after studying illustration at the Rhode Island School of Design (she made fashion drawings for a while), then traveling and living abroad. Nearer to Thee is her seventh grid installation since 2003. They’re elaborate and happen only once every several years. In the meantime, you’re likely to run into her larger, unified, single-voiced landscapes. At SAM Gallery this week, I saw two of her placid, woodsy scenes. Until I read the labels, I thought they were by two different artists, each old-fashioned in her way. I was happily tricked.
BY PAUL CONSTANT
You’ve never seen an author photo quite like this one. Every chapter of Gary Shteyngart’s new memoir, Little Failure (Random House, $27), opens with a photograph of Shteyngart from the corresponding time period, but it’s the picture from chapter four, “Moscow Square,” that captures your
lends itself to commenting on the raptures and disillusionments of childhood. Moreover, here and there throughout the last third of Little Failure, Shteyngart casually mentions that this or that situation led directly to a scene in his novels Absurdistan or The Russian Debutante’s Handbook. His adult life has already been processed and related to us by way of fiction. Little Failure, with its childlike account of the Cold War and the Soviet Union’s criminal treatment of its Jewish citizens, feels like the fable that unfolds before the novels can begin.
BY BRENDAN KILEY
here
TThere begins with the absence of an actor. Christopher Walken, we are told, has been touring Russia with his one-man show based on a character from Chekhov—the troubled, troubling Captain Soleni who ends The Three Sisters by killing the closest thing he has to a friend in a duel— but has mysteriously fallen off a ladder and cannot perform.
imagination. Shteyngart—this was before his name was Americanized, so here he’s still named Igor—is standing on a ladder and smiling at us. He’s all ears and he’s dressed in the style for Soviet boys of the time. And the caption reads:
To become a cosmonaut, the author must first conquer his fear of heights on a ladder his father has built for that purpose. He must also stop wearing a sailor outfit and tights.
In some ways, Little Failure feels like a heavily annotated slide show, with thousands of words of sheepish and self-conscious explanation buffering the photographs of Shteyngart wearing ghastly shirts, making awful hair decisions, and proudly showing off a gigantic digital watch that played tinny renditions of “The Star-Spangled Banner” and the Russian song “Little Guelder Rose.” But that description doesn’t do justice to the quality of the prose. Shteyngart’s nonfiction is at least as vivacious as his fiction: “Coming to America after a childhood spent in the Soviet Union is equivalent to stumbling off a monochromatic cliff and landing in a pool of pure Technicolor.”
Little Failure moves forward, sharklike, in straight chronological order, although it lingers heavily in memories of childhood. Some readers might become impatient for Shteyngart to stagger out of his awkward Young Republican phase and into puberty. But after Shteyngart discovers drugs at Oberlin College and is welcomed into the publishing industry with surprising ease in the book’s final third, you understand why Little Failure focuses on the Little part of the journey: Shteyngart understands that his writing
PREVIEW
There There On the Boards Jan 9–12
A proofreader named Karen, who has read the script only once, explains that she was chosen to perform in Walken’s place alongside a real-time Russian translator. “Tell them to pretend I have a mustache,” Karen tells her translator to tell us. “Christopher Walken had a mustache, but I didn’t have time to grow one.” The duo eases its way into Walken’s adaptation of Chekhov’s play, dutifully reciting its epigraphs and pausing for its flyleaf before launching into its opening line: “Am I sorry I did it? I don’t know. I’m not even sure I did it.”
A collaboration between writer/performer Kristen Kosmas, director Paul Willis, and designer Peter Ksander, There There delicately and repeatedly turns itself inside out like a contortionist flower in perpetual bloom. At first, Karen’s English and the translator’s Russian gently entwine, but tension builds as Karen goes off script (talking about her dreams, her mistakes, and the fact that her hair is falling out) and they begin crashing into each other. “Karen!” the translator (Larissa Tokmakova) yells after one reverie about wearing a short skirt to a party and being carried around on someone’s shoulders. This duet is on the verge of becoming a duel.
There There is a gorgeously cracked mirror of a play, and Kosmas’s direct but emotionally intricate writing has a Chekhovian way of infusing concrete, mundane details with an urgency and yearning. “Perhaps, after all, there will be a future,” Karen says wistfully. (Is she speaking for herself? Walken? Captain Soleni? All three?) “And in it we can sit around in the yard in cotton clothes, barefoot, and we won’t get ticks and bees won’t sting us and we won’t be in love with anyone and we won’t need to have jobs.” In this imaginary Eden, Karen/Walken/Soleni says, we can finally enjoy a nice picnic, shove bits of bread into our mouths, and “stop talking—for just long enough.”
It’s as if Karen, in yet another inversion of her dizzying kaleidoscope, is trying to explain herself into silence.
BY CLARE GORDON
Nordic desserts do not leap to mind at the mention of “fine pastry.” Offerings beyond the cheese Danish are rare, and general ignorance of the genre is common. While the
crackle of a croissant is the pride of a Parisian breakfast and often offered at your local coffee shop, Scandinavian sensibilities revel in softer textures like jams, custards, and creams, supported by eggy laminated doughs. The Danish pastry is, famously, the work of Austrian scabs; in the late 1800s, talent from Vienna was imported to replace the bakers of Denmark as they went on strike for better pay, bringing with them a flaky, ready-to-be-filled revelation that became a national sensation.
Byen Bakeri
15 Nickerson St, 218-1000 byenbakeri.com
Nielsen’s Pastries
520 Second Ave W, 282-3004 nielsenspastries.com
Seattle has two bakeries that specialize in Scandinavian sweets, one new and one old. I stopped by both for sweets I could barely pronounce with a straight face and that my great-grandmother would have no trouble chewing.
Aterrifyingly vast case of options confronts sugar-cravers who enter Byen Bakeri. I spent the better part of my time in the shop interrogating the counterperson as to the subtle differences between them, from familiar Danish varieties to obscurely named rolls with unidentifiable fillings. I spent the other part of my time marveling at a wedding cake shaped like a pregnant woman’s abdomen with a raised outline of a baby foot (does the blue fondant mean it’s a boy?). Marketing itself as “Seattle’s Designer Bakery,” Byen opened its doors a little more than two
months ago with a Norwegian theme and an enormous range of sweets and breads, including a simple and delicious Kringle (a giant pretzel-shaped ring of puff pastry filled with almond cream, sold whole or by the slice), a sinfully large slab of blueberry–cream cheese strudel with a spot-on streusel topping, and their house Royal Croissant (a plain croissant soaked in brandy, filled with almond paste, and baked a second time into a new and chewier identity, a flavor more fruity than alcoholic). Less traditional experiments don’t always end well, as in the case of the intriguingly named Weekender: a cinnamonbased coffee cake drowning in an excess of maple frosting, adorned with dog-treat-tough chunks of bacon. Some savory options looked intriguing, especially an architecturally inspired “egg boat” (quiche filling baked into a mini-baguette).
Owner and baker Brian Morck was inspired by his grandparents and a love of all things almond-filled to fill Seattle’s Scandinavian pastry void. Having worked in both the production and supplier sides of the industry over the last few decades, he especially prides himself on his knowledge of ingredients. A reserved attitude characteristic of his Nordic roots marked our interaction, save for passionate bursts of description of his latest pastry creations, promising new things to come from the little Norwegian bakery on Nickerson Street.
As I waited for a surprisingly pleasant eternity at Nielsen’s Pastries for their barista to package enough pastries for one customer’s presumably massive or astonishingly hungry office, my patience was rewarded with an aggressive aroma of butter and the unmistakably salty-sweet smell of ham. As early as I stopped in, the pastry case was laden with assorted sweet and savory options, but the cold case was yet to be filled. One of the bakery’s most popular items, their “potato,” had not yet been prepared, but at my apparent disappointment, the owner/ baker offered to assemble one fresh for me. A Nielsen potato, folks, can kick your everyday eclair’s ass: A chubby choux shell contains thrice a healthy serving of fluffy whipped cream, replete with a marzipan cape and generous dusting of cocoa powder. An apple Kringle was similarly enjoyable, while the Snitter (a cinnamon-spiked roll of dough adorned with lines of icing and custard) was as fun to eat as it is to say out loud.
Byen Bakeri has a terrifyingly vast case of pastries.
The bakery’s founder, John Nielsen, is a Copenhagen native in his late 70s who still comes in to bake his native specialties on a regular basis. Current owner Darcy Person says she started working at the bakery 27 years ago and took over operations from her old boss. My barista was alarmingly chatty and will convince you to come to their daily happy hour: If you buy a coffee drink between 2:30 and 3:30 p.m. Monday through Friday, you’re welcome to a free pastry (which never makes coffee worse, in my opinion). In any case, Nielsen’s has been charming Lower Queen Anne for almost 50 years now, and fortunately I don’t see any reason it won’t continue to do so indefinitely.
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Wed 1/8
NEW YORK PARTY FOR FOOD LIFELINE
Chef John Howie and Seahawks alum Craig Terrill host this party that is New York themed because, apparently, that is where the Super Bowl will be. Proceeds go to the very worthy Food Lifeline. Sport Restaurant , 140 Fourth Ave N, Suite 130, 404-7767. sportrestaurant. com. $50. 6:30 pm.
Thurs 1/9
KURT TIMMERMEISTER WITH DAN SAVAGE
See also Stranger Suggests, page 15. The Stranger ’s own renowned sex-advice expert and gay Jesus—who, as far as we know, has never set foot on actual dirt—talks with local restaurant legend Kurt Timmermeister about his Vashon Island farm and his second book, Growing a Feast: The Chronicle of a Farm-to-Table Meal Town Hall , 1119 Eighth Ave,
652-4255. townhallseattle. org. $5. 7:30 pm.
Fri 1/10
OLD BAWDY VERTICAL TASTING
A vertical tasting is one where you taste a succession of vintages from one producer to compare differences over the years. It has nothing to do with what position you are in after tasting a lot of barley wine. Pike Pub & Brewing Company, 1415 First Ave, 622-6044. pikebrewing.com. $20/adv, $25/door. 6-9 pm.
Sun 1/12
DINNER WITH GABRIEL RUCKER
T-Doug welcomes superstar chef Gabriel Rucker of Le Pigeon in Portland... oh, wait, this is (unsurprisingly) already SOLD OUT, but you can get on the waiting list. Dahlia Lounge, 2001 Fourth Ave, 682-4142. tomdouglas.com. $85. 6 pm.
MEANS WE RECOMMEND IT. SEND EVENT INFO TO: chow@ thestranger.com
ESPRESSO AND CRYPTOGRAPHY AT ADA’S TECHNICAL
Danielle Hulton Co-owner, Ada’s Technical Books and Cafe 425 15th Ave E, 322-1058
Ada’s Technical Books and Cafe—named after Ada Lovelace, who is considered the very first computer programmer—is a purveyor of science, science fiction, and an eclectic array of nonfiction books in the former home of Horizon Books on Capitol Hill’s 15th Avenue. The space is bright and airy, with many of its original architectural features—it was once a house—reassembled attractively into bookshelves. The cafe’s glass tabletops showcase rocks, butterflies, and rows of compasses that wiggle when a cell phone slides over them (the compasses, not the rocks and butterflies). Co-owner Danielle Hulton is an electrical engineer who says that her experience in “learning how to learn” in the ever-changing field of engineering has greatly helped her in getting Ada’s off the ground. Ada’s hosts a series of readings and events—Danielle is especially excited for an event about e-bikes coming up on January 25. Cafe manager Crystal Blaylock Gee designed the cafe’s smallplates menu: mac and cheese, potpies, a winter Caprese sandwich, warm lentil salad, etc. I tried the risotto cake with asparagus and arugula ($9.25). The risotto was golden brown with a creamy interior, complemented by light, tangy vegetables. I wish only that there had been about five of them. The cafe carries Kuma coffee—the Borboya Ethiopia espresso with its dainty mineral water accompaniment was the perfect thing to sip while perusing books about lock picking and post-quantum cryptography. SARAH GALVIN
Find the full calendar online. In Wednesday, January 29th
WED/JANUARY 8 • 7:30PM red molly w/ anne and pete sibley
THU/JANUARY 9SAT/JANUARY 11 • 7PM elvis alive w/ vince mira & special guests
SUN/JANUARY 12 • 7PM school of rock performs: the beatles
TUE/JANUARY 14 • 7:30PM emily asher’s garden party
THU/JANUARY 16 • 7:30PM kelly joe phelps w/ dave mcgraw & mandy fer
FRI/JANUARY 17SUN/JANUARY 19 • 8PM los lobos - 40th anniversary
WED/JANUARY 22 • 7:30PM KBCS 91.3 WELCOMES george kahumoku jr and led kaapana
BY EMILY NOKES
Before Seattle’s Capitol Hill neighborhood became crowded with fedora jerks and fusion noodle condo hybrids, there was a magical venue called Moe’s Mo’Roc’N Cafe out in the middle
of nowhere. The year was 1994—a good time for music, and an especially good time for music in Seattle. Northwest indie bands were playing, and the world finally wanted to hear them; national and global acts were touring and finally wanted to stop in Seattle.
Moe’s 20/Neumos 10 Anniversary w/Truly, Goodness, the Posies, Hyperlung, Alcohol Funnycar, the Thermals, Telekenesis, and more Jan 9–16, Neumos
There was a high demand for music, and Moe’s had perfect timing, opening a venue in a non-downtown neighborhood that hosted the thriving local acts, but also taking pride in pulling off inconceivably big shows with megastars. Yes, Neil Young played there with Pearl Jam. Portishead, the Flaming Lips, Radiohead, the list goes on and on. There was nothing like it—a medium-sized venue determined to offer the sound, lights, and hospitality of a stadium several times its size, in a neighborhood where nothing was happening yet. The staff loved to be there, the bands loved to be there, so you loved to be there, too.
Moe’s reign lasted only four short years (27 in human rock-star years), but its legacy lives on not only in its later reincarnation of Neumos, but in that tight-knit music community that has helped shape this city’s music scene for the last two decades.
In anticipation of the Moe’s 20/Neumos 10 Anniversary, I talked to a few folks who owned, worked at, played, hung out at, lived in, and/or appreciated Moe’s during its heyday. Read it and weep, current hill dweller.
JERRY EVERARD
(Moe’s/Neumos co-owner)
When and why did you buy Moe’s? There
were three of us—Graham Graham, Eric Shirley, and myself—who were part of the core team that started the Crocodile. We split with Stephanie [Dorgan] in 1992 and started working on a deal with the Salvation Army, who were in the building at the time, to move them down the street. Our first public show was January 27, and we were off and running from there.
What was the first public show? This is how bad my memory is [laughs], but I’m pretty sure it was Love Battery.
So before you were doing Moe’s, you were doing the Crocodile. What were you doing before that? I was a lawyer. That’s how Stephanie and I knew each other. We were both in our second year out of law school at a big downtown law firm when we got the crazy idea to open up a club that had hard alcohol and live music in it. Everyone was whining— why can’t Seattle be a normal town where you can go and see a show and have a cocktail?
So were you a big music fan before you decided to open a club, or did you just learn as you went? I learned as I went, for sure. We both could see that something was happening in Seattle—we’d go out to shows, and it was a great scene. We met Graham Graham when he was installing art at the law firm. He designed out the original Crocodile and then he came up to Moe’s with me and designed Moe’s Mo’Roc’N Cafe.
And didn’t you live above the venue? Or inside the venue somewhere? I lived below
a European band, and you wanted to make it big in the US, you started in Seattle and you started at Moe’s. So we had bands like Bush, Radiohead, Oasis—bands who were big in Britain and used to playing giant stadiums— and at first, they were really taken aback. I remember Gavin [Rossdale] just talking with such disdain like, [in a goofy British accent] “You know, we play giant arenas.” [Laughs] I really loved having the local bands. Like the Presidents. Jason Finn did local booking for us, and [his band] the Presidents would play. It was always just so much fun. And bouncy—a contrast to the other stuff that was happening there at the time.
I heard you were really good at fulfilling rider requests. Oh yeah! We wanted to make Moe’s a place where when bands come through, they’d think, “This is the best place for us.” That was a big focal point for us—having a great space for the bands and making them really feel important. So whenever we’d get rider requests, we would try and come up with some way to exceed expectations. I guess one of the best was Alice Donut’s rider, at the very bottom it gave you a choice of something “or a Gravitron,” and we were like, “What the hell’s a Gravitron?” And clearly it was a joke, but underneath the stage—and it’s still there, you can see the painted polka dots in the closet there— we took the closet, painted it all up, and hung a chair in there on surgical tubing so it would bounce up and down. It was the antigravity room. That became the great, epic thing—all the bands would say, “We heard you have a Gravitron. Where’s the Gravitron?” [Laughs]
the mosh pit [laughs]. Back then, 20 percent of your revenue had to come from food, and 60 percent of your space had to be dedicated to the restaurant, because you technically couldn’t serve alcohol except as incidental to a meal. So I had to run an operation where we served breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day, and we did food catering for all the festivals to get our food sales up to compensate for the alcohol sales at the shows. It quickly turned into a thing where I had to be there all the time. It was opening at 7 in the morning, and the last people were leaving at 3 at night, so I built out a little space and it happened to be right under the mosh pit. You could see the ceiling flex during shows [laughs].
What were some of the most memorable shows? Everyone always goes right to the Neil Young show, and that was huge for me, having Neil Young play with the guys from Pearl Jam. But then there were things like the first time No Doubt came through. It was a Tuesday and I think there were 10 people at the show, before anyone knew who they were. I remember hanging out with them afterward, talking about how it sucks to play to 10 people but that “it’s going to be so much better next time.” [ Laughs ]
There was the Flaming Lips show. Their light system was designed for much bigger venues. We had to rent two generators just to power the lights! They started with “Turn It On,” and the lights were dim, and then they went on and thousands and thousands of those little LED lights lit up all at once—it was just like a total visual assault. It was awesome.
Whoa. What was the capacity at Moe’s? Well, it was 500.
That’s so small for those giant shows! Oh I know, I know! And for a while there, it sort of became this thing where if you were
When and why did Moe’s close? And then how did Neumos come about? The last shows were in June of 1998. There was a little bit of drama around that, but we were just cranking along, and I was feeling burned-out personally, and the music scene was changing. Bands like Soundgarden were breaking up, and what was really popular was stuff coming out of the rave culture—all the electronic music. There was a group in town called Tasty Shows—Alex Calderwood, who recently passed, and Jared Harler—doing shows at Moe’s. They did Spice, which was every Sunday night, and they’d pack it out. It was much more electronic, dance, sort of ecstasy-focused [laughs], for lack of a better word. The live indie-rock thing was going
“We had bands like Bush, Radiohead, Oasis— and at first, they were really taken aback.”
through a post-hype crash, and it just felt like it was time to get out of the basement and have a real life [laughs].
The Tasty guys had bought the building where Sam’s Tavern is now, with Bruce Pavitt from Sub Pop, but the seismic requirements made it impossible for them to actually make that work. So they wanted a club, their music was what was on the rise, I didn’t have a connection with it—all these things coalesced, and it was like, all right, come in and take it over. They opened it as ARO.space. They tried a couple different things in there, and I believe Noiselab was the last iteration.
After they ran their course, Marcus Charles—who at the time had the Bad Juju—had been talking to me for years about reopening Moe’s. So I said all right, let’s do Neumos. So he and I relaunched Neumos in February of 2004. After a couple years, Marcus decided he wanted to go back and get his MBA, so Jason [Lajuenesse], Mike Meckling, and Steven Severin bought out Marcus’s half of the business. I think those guys have done
an amazing job capturing the spirit of Moe’s.
What is the contrast like—Neumos now versus Moe’s back then? It’s a totally different world. Back then, we decided to come up here and take over a Salvation Army warehouse precisely because it was in the middle of nowhere [laughs]. There was the Comet across the street, which was a plus, and a little coffee shop called Cafe Paradiso where Vita is now, but there was nothing else around. We saw all these people streaming down the hill to RKCNDY and the Crocodile and thought, let’s build it here. Now Neumos is in the heart of this crazy scene where there are a million people all the time [laughs].
CARRIE
AKRE
(Hammerbox, Goodness)
What years did your bands form? Hammerbox formed in 1989, when I was 23. Goodness started in 1995.
Did you have previous bands? No, those were my very first! I had done choir all my life!
Did you play at Moe’s a lot? YES! I think I’ve done more than 10 shows there. It was such an amazing club with the coolest interior. It had so many hidden nooks and crannies with circus and arcade feel/items all over. Great booths and show space as well.
What was the best show you caught there? Worst show? Weirdest show? Best show was Sage. Worst show, even though I LOVED the band, was Heatmiser. Elliott [Smith] was doing his noncommittal attitude and even fell offstage at some point. Weird show: Goodness, where one of our fans decided to return to the bottle and yell at me from the audience that it was my fault that he was drinking again. He also was clearing out the front with his wild swinging-arms-and-legs dancing, which was pissing everyone off.
How did you feel about Moe’s closing? What about the opening of Neumos? After all the grunge hubbub, the music scene felt like it lost its course for a bit. The established bands move up, break up, or get lost. The next generation comes along. It was particularly cool to see how quick the Presidents took off—Moe’s was their home away from home. It was so different from the gloom and doom of grunge, and that room shook and sweated when they played. It was impressive. It was sad when Moe’s closed. ARO.space was not really my thing—although the food was great (Alex Calderwood was always ahead of things), and I was happy music was still happening there. I was psyched when I heard Jerry Everard was working with Steve Severin, Jason Lajuenesse, and Mike Meckling (and now Eli [Anderson]). All good guys with a long history in the music community.
I just hope that as the neighborhood finishes completely gentrifying (because “Capitol Hill is such a vibrant neighborhood”), Neumos doesn’t get shut down because the retirees and software soldiers complain too much about the noise. Here’s to another 20!
“Elliott Smith was doing his noncommittal attitude and fell offstage.”
How do you feel about playing the anniversary show? I am highly flattered and excited to play the show. Lucky Me I’m totally psyched about, but also These Streets, and Gerald Collier, who I go way back with to Hammerbox days when he was in the Best Kissers in the World.
BEN LONDON (Alcohol Funnycar)
Tell me a little bit about the music scene in Seattle, before and during the days of Moe’s. When I moved to Seattle in 1989, the majority of bands lived on Capitol Hill, but most of the venues for punk/weirdo music were downtown. The Vogue on Tuesday and Wednesday nights was the epicenter for the whole Sub Pop/grunge thing. Then came Sunday nights at the Off Ramp. Even when the Crocodile and RKCNDY opened, people still had to trudge up and down the hill to go to shows. When Moe’s opened, there was finally a place close to home to see shows.
What was Moe’s like? In those days—as I’m sure it is now, if you’re in a band that plays clubs regularly—you get to know all the door staff, the sound people, and the bartenders and booking agents. I don’t think I paid to go to a show or bought a drink for a few years. One of the only ways I survived as a musician when I wasn’t on tour. I remember seeing tons of shows from the little VIP balcony. Too many to list, but there was one Redd Kross show that I think warped my brain forever.
You were/are in Truly. Can you run me through the Truly timeline? My first band broke up, and I was trying out to be Nirvana’s second guitarist (their other guitarist had just replaced Hiro Yamamoto in Soundgarden). A week after Kurt told me they’d decided to try being a three-piece, Kelly Canary from Dickless gave me Mark Pickerel’s phone number. He played my demos for Sub Pop, they became interested, and a year later Hiro joined, and we released our first EP October ’91 as Truly. We signed to Capitol Records in ’93, then after a big shake-up at Capitol, we weren’t getting proper support and so we asked to leave. After releasing one more record on Thick Records, we went on an extended hiatus in 1998. The lineup is still Hiro, Mark and myself, plus Ty Bailey and/or Robert Mitchell on keyboards. We started working on new material in 2009 and playing occasionally, and we’re a little more than two-thirds deep into a new record.
So your practice space was near Moe’s, right? What was it called? It was called the Chophouse, and it was in operation until just recently. We shared it with 7 Year Bitch for a little while and a band called the Cuckoos.
What are some Moe’s memories? I don’t know if it was an official policy, but it seemed like if you played there, you could get in free almost any time. The doormen were cool; the bartenders remembered everybody. Many, many of my nights were spent going back and forth between the Chophouse and Moe’s. Play music, go watch some bands, head to the gas station at 1:45 a.m. for beer, go back to the Chophouse, play some more, stumble home at sunrise. Rinse and repeat the next night. When I came back from a monthlong Truly tour in Europe, I took a cab from SeaTac back to Capitol Hill and had the driver drop me at Moe’s instead of my apartment.
What were the best shows you caught there? I think the most memorable for me was seeing the Flaming Lips play the week of the Oklahoma bombing. They were still playing as a four-piece “rock band” with all of the Christmas lights and fog around them. They didn’t mention the bombing until right before their encore, then they played “What a Wonderful World.” It was incredibly moving. I cried. I also saw an amazing Spiritualized show there the night before leaving for tour.
They played this strange, hypnotic music before they went on that I later found out was called “drum and bass,” which I would hear a lot more of when we got to Europe.
What did you think about Moe’s closing? What about the opening of Neumos? I remember it turning into a very sterile “electronica” type dance club for like a year or something, which was really alienating in comparison to the warmth and community of Moe’s. Things got pretty lame around here for a little while. When they reopened as Neumos, it felt like they were reclaiming something that I had thought was lost forever.
JON STONE (Hyperlung)
When did Hyperlung start? What was the scene like? Hyperlung formed in 1991 and ran through 1997. There was an absolutely incredible live music scene on the hill in the early ’90s. Lots of experimental stuff, lots of avant-garde stuff. I mean really, really good stuff. The hill was swimming in great bands. Jessamine, Sage, Ovarian Trolley, Bali Girls, Laundry, and on and on.
Then one day, the whole Pearl Jam/ Nirvana/Soundgarden thing happened. Everything changed overnight. In terms of Hyperlung, we tended to be a little put off with the whole grunge thing and copped a sarcastic attitude about it. So we went through a period where we more or less just tried to piss people off and not deliver what they thought they were paying to get. Through that juvenile attitude, we ended up in the same circles as a lot of great bands that you’d never hear on the radio: Sun City Girls, Neurosis, Caroliner Rainbow, Loaf, Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, Faster Tiger. And for reasons I still don’t understand, that kind of worked for us.
We broke up because we were offered a multi-album deal with Will Records, who, along with everyone else, had just moved into Seattle and was attempting to sign everyone. Some of us wanted to make that leap, others did not, and that was the end of that. It’s really exciting to get a chance to go back to Moe’s and do one more show proper.
What kind of work were you doing? I’d be called in whenever the need was to squeeze a way-inappropriately-sized band in—Neil Young/Pearl Jam, Portishead, Boy George, that kind of thing. Often, it meant finding ways to rig Paramount-or-largersized stage shows into the room. Moe’s was pulling off shows nightly that were WAY out of a club’s league.
What was the best show you played there? Opening for Mercury Rev. When we walked out onto the stage, the house was absolutely packed for us, and one of the Moe staffers, Masha, had covered the stage and our instruments in roses. The best part about playing at Moe’s, other than the fact that it was home turf, was that the sound in the room was stadium-quality. Absolutely top notch. Kelly Berry had that place dialed in. The sound and stage staff always gave a shit. Enough time has gone by now that I find it increasingly difficult to explain to my younger colleagues some of the stuff we managed to pull off there. At the time, it all seemed normal. Now I realize what we had happening there was about as far from normal as one could ever get. During a time when Seattle was the music capital of the world, Moe’s was the epicenter of Seattle, and I think in many ways Moe’s foreshadowed the amazing things that have happened to this town in the past 20 years…
MARK LANEGAN SHARES HIS GREENROOM GRAPES
Mark Lanegan is a serious man. An unflinching man. With a low, tremored baritone, the Ellensburg native sings his seared, sorrowful songs. His voice, like a well-worn hearth, heats sketches of characters in barren but beautiful scenes. In 1985, Lanegan’s band Screaming Trees put out an EP on Sub Pop called Other Worlds, and he’s been unceasing ever since. As reapers go, Lanegan is more grave than grim. He does what he does, with no pomp or fluff. He’s a singer-songwriter, and he’s one of the finest there’s ever been. Besides Screaming Trees and nine solo albums, his work includes Queens of the Stone Age, collaborations with Belle and Sebastian’s Isobel Campbell, Slash, Mad Season, the Gutter Twins with Greg Dulli, and more. On January 14, Seattle’s own, very great Light in the Attic Records is releasing an impressive two-CD, three-LP collection of Lanegan material called Has God Seen My Shadow?
An Anthology 1989–2011. It’s 32 tracks in all, 12 unreleased, featuring appearances by PJ Harvey, Josh Homme, and J Mascis. I interviewed Mark in the Neptune Theatre before his show there this past October. He shared his greenroom grapes and sipped Red Bull from a can. Tattoos on his fingers and hands are fading. Late-afternoon sun landed slanted on the wall behind him and in his eyes. He spoke in a near whisper.
The characters in your songs seem so familiar. Like “Mescalito.” I feel like I know that person. How do your songs usually fall to you? I never wonder where a song comes from. I’m just happy that they do. I don’t do too much thinking about what they mean—that’s too much work. The seeds are usually from something in real life. Maybe somebody I know. In that case, it was somebody I know.
What affects you? What makes you write? Life in general. Things that I do, or see in the newspaper. I remember one song—Ben Shepherd and I were eating breakfast and reading the Seattle Times, and there was an article on Shackleton’s Antarctic Endurance photographs. On the next page was a story about a guy who tried to drive a Metro bus off the Aurora Bridge, and what his apartment looked like inside. We were both like, “God damn, that sounds exactly like our apartment.” It was profiling this guy who’d gone nuts. He shot the driver and tried to drive the bus off the bridge. It crashed with part of it hanging off. I ended up writing a song out of those two things that day.
So did you and Ben change your apartment after that? [Laughs] No.
Do you find yourself writing much on the road? Yeah. It’s definitely something that I do. I’ve written entire records in a Motel 6 bathroom.
How did Black Pudding come about? What made you and Duke Garwood want to do an album? I was a fan of Duke’s records. We met by chance. We had a mutual friend, and he was playing in that friend’s band, opening for a band I was playing with. We started touring together. Did quite a few tours where he was the support act. We were talking and
thought it might be fun to make a record. And it was. He sent me a lot of ideas. I went through them and found the ones I could make into songs.
Is there a phase of making an album that you like more than others? I enjoy all aspects of music. I like making records. I like playing live. There’s not one phase that’s more difficult than another. I’m too old for difficultness.
How did you decide what songs to cover for Imitations? In the ’90s, I made a covers record, and I tried a couple songs that didn’t work out that were loosely based on the same genre that I pulled from for this record. Those songs didn’t fit for that record at the time, but I thought someday I’d make a whole record fully committed to that late-’60s, early-’70s pop music.
What drew you to cover Nancy Sinatra’s James Bond song “You Only Live Twice”? I first heard it in the ’90s—it was on the B-side of a Scientists’ single, a live version. Sounds quite different than the Bond theme. It’s just a great song. I wanted to make it smaller. It was so big to start with. Her version is so great, with huge string arrangements and themes and all that. I just wanted to make it smaller.
Were there any songs that you chose that were harder to do once you actually got in the studio to record them? That happens all the time. Especially when you’re doing covers. I found that out the first time around. There were fewer this time, but still a few that went by the wayside.
You’ve been touring in support of Nick Cave recently in Australia. How’s Australia, and touring with Nick Cave? Australia’s great. I’ve been there many times. Touring with Nick is cool—he’s popular, so there are large audiences. And they’re good guys, all friends of mine. I got up and sang with them every night, so it was fun.
How do you go about choosing songs for a set? When I find a set that I like, I usually stick with it. But when I’m playing with a bigger band, I have a tendency to switch out songs more often. When it’s just a guitar player and myself, I’ll stick with something that works because it’s not as easy to find a set that works that way, you know?
What’s the magical Mark Lanegan preshow ritual? Eating grapes, drinking Red Bull, and answering texts…
Jeannette Sorrell, conductor & harpsichord Mark Robbins, horn / Demarre McGill, flute Elisa Barston, violin / Cordula Merks, violin
J.S. BACH: Orchestral Suite No. 2
TELEMANN: Horn Concerto in D major
VIVALDI: Concerto for Two Violins in A minor, Op. 3, No. 8
J.S. BACH: “Brandenburg” Concerto No. 5 VIVALDI / arr. SORRELL: La folia
Lose your even more weed every night this week! For the full music calendar, see page 29 or visit thestranger.com/music For ticket on-sale announcements, follow twitter.com/seashows
Giraffage, Dutty Wilderness, DJAO, D’Nelski, DJ Hojo
(Q Nightclub) See Data Breaker, page 31.
Red Molly, Anne and Pete Sibley (Triple Door) Folk trio Red Molly have the oldfashioned American twang thing down pat. Augmented with the occasional gorgeous three-part harmony, their sneakily seductive, banjo-laced tunes will get toes reliably tapping and squares appropriately dancing. Openers Anne and Pete Sibley play a more stripped-down, slightly haunting take on folk, elevated to moments of transcendence by Anne’s beautiful, earthy voice. KYLE FLECK
Expo 91: Black Hat, Nice & AO, Health Problems, Dragging an Ox Through Water, and more (Cairo) See Underage, page 34.
Telekinesis, the Comettes, the Wild Ones
(Neumos) See preview, page 21.
Huge Rock, FF, Olivia NeutronJohn, Naomi Punk (Heartland) See Underage, page 34.
Maxxi Soundsystem, Pezzner, Wesley Holmes (Q Nightclub) See Data Breaker, page 31.
Elvis Alive: Vince Mira (Triple Door) For those who don’t know, Vince Mira is the California-born/Texas-bred/Seattle-based musical artist who was discovered busking in Pike Place Market, where his so-perfect-it’s-almost-eerie channeling of Johnny Cash marked him as something special. Roughly 10 years later, he’s an old pro, having recorded one EP and one full-length record at Johnny Cash’s legendary Cash Cabin and touring all over as the veritable second coming of Cash. For his latest run of shows at the Triple Door, Mira aims his Americana-music-making talents not at Johnny Cash but another of his Sun Records buddies: Elvis Presley, whose life and music will be commemorated by Mira and a handful of guests, including Fly Moon Royalty’s Adra Boo, burlesque queen Caela Bailey, and musical comedian Mark Siano. DAVID SCHMADER
Expo 91: Black Hat, Nice & AO, Newaxeyes, and more (Cairo) See Underage, page 34.
Krautrock Tribute: A Night of Cosmic German Music with Tredecimal, Low Hums, DJ Mamma Casserole, DJ Explorateur, DJ Veins (Lo-Fi) Some of the greatest music in history happened in late-’60s/early-’70s Germany, as restless jugend strove to carve out musical identities detached from their parents’ Nazi-tainted culture and distinct from dominant Anglo-American rock traits. Voilà, krautrock. Tonight, in the second edition of a concept spawned by DJ Mamma Casserole, several bold Seattle musicians pay tribute to this rewarding
vein of adventurous rock by covering songs from the catalogs of Can, Kraftwerk, Neu!, Faust, Manuel Göttsching, Guru Guru, and others. It’s going to get very kosmische. (Disclosure: I’m DJing part of the night.) DAVE SEGAL
The Posies (Neumos) I don’t think Bellingham, Washington, has ever produced a band with sweeter hooks than the Posies. Formed in 1987 and led by Jon Auer and Ken Stringfellow (with an ever-changing rhythm section), the Posies signature sound is harmony-laden (those voices!), catchy power pop à la albums Dear 23 and Frosting on the Beater. They kinda, sorta, for real broke up around 1998, but then actually didn’t break up because they continued to put out albums (their later efforts took an experimental turn—understandable in the tight boundaries of pop, but a little less satisfying nonetheless). They play tonight as part of the weeklong Moe’s 20/Neumos 10 Anniversary in the good company of other Northwest glory-days bands (Truly, Goodness, Alcohol Funnycar, Hyperlung, and more), as well as some of the newer generation of Pacific NW (Telekenesis, the Thermals, Brent Amaker and the Rodeo, and more). EMILY NOKES See also preview, page 21.
Califone, the Luyas (Crocodile) Califone arose out of the fertile ground of Red Red Meat, who robustly repurposed the country-blues aspects of the Rolling Stones’ Beggars Banquet. For 15 years, Califone have been electrifying and twisting roots music into starkly beautiful shapes, topped by Tim Rutili’s weathered drawl, his soul-stirring emissions making him sound like a septuagenarian emphysema sufferer. That they’ve managed to maintain their output of ramshackle blues-rock with elements of musique concrète for so long is testament to Califone’s wily, emotionally resonant songwriting skills. Their latest album, Stitches, is their most conservative-sounding, but Califone’s catalog runs deep with compelling, challenging gems. DAVE SEGAL
Mystery Ship, Candy’s River House, Black Wolf Men’s Club (Blue Moon Tavern) Mystery Ship sound perfectly
ripe for a Sub Pop contract—if this were 1989. Recording with the masterly Jack Endino, Dave Hillis, and Gordon Raphael (budgets!), the Seattle quartet plays a burly brand of Northwest hard rock that occasionally flares into psychedelic configurations or slouches into bluesy postures. Their music’s usually better when it veers toward the former style. The more convoluted the rhythms get and the noisier and more distorted the guitars become, the better Mystery Ship sound. They’re best when bruising your ears a Deeper shade of Purple and giving you Machine Head or zooming out into the great Captain Beyond. DAVE SEGAL
Thao & the Get Down Stay Down (Neptune) Though their stuff has always sounded way too plucky and country-influenced for my liking (and their latest full-length, We the Common, seems to be no exception), Thao & the Get Down Stay Down have been putting out records since 2005 and are headlining the Neptune Theatre, which means they must be doing something right. And though Thao Nguyen seems to be a pretty able songwriter and lyricist by most standards, the group’s twangy-folky tunes don’t really seem to be that easy or inviting to get down, much less stay down, to. But if this does happen to be your thing, don’t let one negative opinion impede YOUR getting down.
MIKE RAMOS
Chastity Belt, Tacocat, Atomic Bride, Summer Babes, Lures (Vera) This benefit for local nonprofit Skate Like a Girl (which is just what it sounds like—a provider of educational programs and classes aimed at teaching young girls and women how to skateboard) rightfully features an all-local and largely femalefronted lineup of bands whose songs wouldn’t sound that out-of-place in a skate video. Chastity Belt, who put out one of the strongest Seattle non-rap releases of the year with their debut, No Regerts, an enjoyably rough-hewn and surprisingly deep collection of DIY power-chord jams about parties and “Pussy Weed Beer,” will headline. Longtime local favorites/best band featuring a Stranger editor Tacocat also perform, and will likely be debuting new material from their upcoming Hardly
Art release, NVM, in addition to their tried-andtrue hits about cats, late buses, and even more weed. MIKE RAMOS
Expo 91: Health Problems, Weed, Childbirth, and more (Cairo) See Underage, page 34.
Lusine, Michael Manahan vs. Nordic Soul, J. Alvarez (Re-bar) See Data Breaker, page 31.
Goodness, These Streets, Lucky Me, Gerald Collier, Faster Tiger (Neumos) See preview, page 21.
The Pharmacy, L.A. Drugz, Brain Drain, Nervous Talk, Mythological Horses
(Highline) Now this is a lineup. Certified fuzz-pop geniuses the Pharmacy remain one of the most reliably fresh live experiences in town, but they’re just the frosting on this all-too-delicious evening of noisy goodness. Mythological Horses melt hearts and shred eardrums with a grunge-infused take on Sebadoh’s whiny-but-still-tough anti-folk, while Nervous Talk rock out in a stoned-sounding, lo-fi garage squall. According to L.A. Drugz’s Facebook page, they “don’t read Rimbaud,” which is really all you need to know about those erstwhile scuzz punks. KYLE FLECK
Tulsi, Wizdumb, Sintax, DJ Able One (High Dive) One of the many pleasures on Wizdumb’s Basementality, which stands as my fifthfavorite local hiphop album of 2013, is the track “Vaudeville.” Featuring raps by Man Danno, and running just under three-and-a-half minutes (Wizdumb almost never makes a beat overstay its welcome), “Vaudeville” has a drum sequence that slams without being hard, a bass that is deep and rubbery, and a happy (even circus-like) melody as its sole ornament. As for the raps, Man Danno has a chorus that swings with the melody and rhymes that have lip-exploded kicks when the track is
stripped down to bass and drums. Wizdumb is one of the few who has not forgotten how to make a tune. CHARLES MUDEDE
Princess, Smooth Sailing, Grenades (Blue Moon Tavern) Seattle is home to no shortage of excellent metal and post-hardcore outfits, but one of the most criminally under-recognized (at least thus far) is Princess, who over the summer released the stellar seven-song Selling Sulphur. Recorded by Conrad Uno at Egg Studios, Sulphur is by turns punishing and precise, and at times it’s downright beautiful. (See especially the title track.) If you’ve not done so already, get it into thy earholes STAT. You can find it at Bandcamp, but as you’ll notice while you’re there, the gorgeous cover art belongs on its own big ol’ record sleeve. GRANT BRISSEY
Expo 91: Dragging an Ox Through Water, Lori Goldston with Dan Sasaki, Elissa Ball, and more (Cairo) See Underage, page 34.
Truly, Bali Girls, Sage, Hyperlung (Neumos) See preview, page 21, and Stranger Suggests, page 15.
WEDNESDAY 1/8
TUCK AND PATTI
TUE, JAN 7 - WED, JAN 8
American jazz guitar and vocal duo, celebrating 35 years!
JEFF LORBER FUSION
Featuring BRIAN BROMBERG, PATRICK LAMB AND GARY NOVAK
THU, JAN 9 - SUN, JAN 12
Trailblazing Grammy-nominated keyboardist, composer and producer with his fusion band
MARK HUMMEL’S BLUES HARMONICA BLOWOUT FEATURING JOHN MAYALL, CURTIS SALGADO, RICK ESTRIN, LITTLE CHARLIE BATY AND MORE
TUE, JAN 14 - WED, JAN 15
A Tribute to Sonny Boy Williamson II
91.3 KBCS PRESENTS
AMEL LARRIEUX
THU, JAN 16 - SUN, JAN 19
Urban soul singer returns in support of her new release Ice Cream Everyday KPLU 88.5FM PRESENTS
GRACE KELLY
with THE MARC SEALES TRIO
TUE, JAN 21 - WED, JAN 22
21 year old music fusion master - singer, songwriter, saxophonist, composer, arranger, and educator melds her background in jazz with groove, pop and boths of world music.
2033 6th Ave. | 206.441.9729
all ages | free parking full schedule at jazzalley.com
Andy Coe Band (Blue Moon Tavern) Well, it’s Monday night again, the worst time of the week for live-music entertainment… theoretically. But Seattle-area citizens do have an option that’s better than putzing around on the internet or zoning out in front of the tube. The five-piece Andy Coe Band do free shows at the Blue Moon Tavern every Monday. This arrangement allows guitarist Coe to stretch out for hours at a time and loose his peak-time Jerry Garcia–like excursions. It helps to have a long attention span here, but you can dip in, leave, and come back at any point and enjoy Andy Coe Band’s river of song. These guys can do those sing-along-worthy country-rock ramblers and improv space-outs with equal aptitude. It’s like the Grateful Dead never died…
DAVE SEGAL
Hey Marseilles, Cataldo (Neumos) Orchestral-pop outfit Hey Marseilles make the sort of romantic, wide-eyed music that would be all over love-struck teenagers’ mixtapes, were such things still in existence (mixtapes, that is—love-struck teenagers will be with us for eternity). Which is not to besmirch their craft: Immaculately produced, peppered with swooping
LOUNGE
strings and marching-band drums, the songs on their recently released sophomore album, Lines We Trace sound positively panoramic, with Moleskineworthy lyrics that could go toe-to-toe with the Decemberists’ Colin Meloy any day of the week for literary-dude indie dominance. Expect to see some tears in eyes and hearts on sleeves. KYLE FLECK See also preview, page 21.
Benjamin Verdoes, Valley Maker (Tractor) Today, Benjamin Verdoes (ex–Mt. St. Helens Vietnam Band, current Iska Dhaaf) is celebrating the release of his first solo adventure, The Evil Eye (Brick Lane Records). Verdoes is a talented songwriter, as indicated though his other projects, but Evil Eye clears away some of the more complicated tendencies (say, the mathy/changey-ness of MSHV Band) and goes right in for the honest, emotional pop song, sung in a high/sandy voice to a loved one who seems to scare, exhilarate, disorient, and complete him. With the soothing indie folk of Valley Maker. EMILY NOKES
(Chop Suey) Seattle’s music scene has a history of side projects unexpectedly becoming main projects. Examples? United State of Electronica sprouting from Wonderful, Bruno Pronsato overshadowing Bobby Karate, Truckasauras usurping Foscil. Childbirth—which consists of members of Chastity Belt, Tacocat, and Pony Time—probably won’t overtake the players’ mother-ship groups, but they do have potential to bloom into something special. This observation’s based on two songs: “I Only Fucked You for a Joke” and “Marination Station.” The former’s a sinister garage rocker powered by coiled guitar, hip-swiveling rhythms, and mean spirits; the latter’s a chunky, moving rocker about the female astronaut who drove from Houston to Orlando while wearing a diaper in order to kidnap a woman romantically involved with her fellow astronaut lover. These songs stick in your head with a quickness, and there are surely more where they came from.
DAVE SEGAL
AN AMERICAN FORREST
ETERNAL FAIR, SIDNEY YORK
$6 • 9PM
THURSDAY 1/9
CLUTCH DOUGLAS
BEACHDICK, WISCON
$6 • 9PM
FRIDAY 1/10
THE CROCODILE & THE SUNSET PRESENT SURFER BLOOD WITH HIBOU
$10 • 9PM
SUNDAY 1/12
DEL BARBER FEATURING
SAMANTHA CRAIN
SPECIAL GUESTS
$8 • 8PM
WEDNESDAY 1/15
COLIN BRADFORD
HAND IN THE ATTIC, CAMI LUNDEEN
$6 • 9PM
THURSDAY 1/16
WIND BURIAL
GOLDEN GARDENS, KYLMYYS
$6 • 9PM
1.9 Thursday (Hip-Hop)
SADISTIK + No Bird Sing
Graves 33
Thad Wentachee & 3rd Degree
$5adv. / $7 dos, 8pm, 21+
1.10 Friday (Afrobeat / World)
Nectar and Wo’Pop Present: PUBLISH THE QUEST
Cascadia ‘10
Dusu Mali Band, DJ Darek Mazzone
$8 adv / $10 dos, 8pm doors, 21+
1.11 Saturday (Funk / Pop / Tribute)
ENDANGERED SPECIES (A Tribute to Parliament Funkadelic)
ELTON JAH (A Dub Tribute to Elton John)
Chaotic Noise Marching Corps
Imaginary Friends
$7 adv / $10 dos, 8pm, 21+
1.12 Sunday (Rock / Alternative)
Nectar & The Northend Roar Present: LUCKY BUNNY FOOT
Mugatu!
The Affordable Lawyers, Lunasphere
$5adv / $8dos, 8pm Doors, 21+
1.15 Wednesday (Electronic / Bass)
Nectar & Bassdrop music presents: ILL-ESHA
Buku, Bizzara, Ganjaology
$12 adv/ $15 Doors, 8pm, 21+
1/16 Left Coast Country 1/17 Theoretics
&
The Luyas All Ages
100.7 The Wolf & The Crocodile Present AUSTIN JENCKES 1/9: Polecat 1/11: Cody Beebe & The Crooks All Ages
The Crocodile & The Sunset Present: SURFER BLOOD @ THE SUNSET TAVERN 21+
School of Rock Presents SCHOOL OF ROCK PERFORMS:
Dead Nation Presents WOODEN SHJIPS Kinski 21+
Team MCC & Flywheel Present: MCC 3 YEAR ANNIVERSARY
Dave B, Cam the Mac, Kung Foo Grip, Porter Ray, Thaddeus David and more! All Ages
Caribbean Blu Presents ANTHONY B AND THE BORN FIRE BAND Mista Chatman, ZJ Redman, Soul One, Selector Rhoan 21+ MONDAY 20 JANUARY
1/24 DJ QUIK, RAZ SIMONE, GIFTED GAB Saturday 2/1 SLOW BIRD
& COMING EVERY TUESDAY LIQUID COURAGE KARAOKE 1/22 MOON TAXI 1/24 PATTERSON HOOD 1/25 TRUE SPOKES & IAN MCFERON BAND 1/31 JOHNNY FLYNN 2/4 ONEOHTRIX POINT NEVER 2/7 ZION I 2/8 PASSAFIRE & BALLYHOO! 2/14 BOWIEVISION 2/15 SHEARWATER 2/15 MOTHER FALCON @ THE SUNSET 2/18 ANE BRUN 2/26 WILD FEATHERS 2/27 THE FRATELLIS 3/1 CIBO MATTO 4/6 DELTA RAE 4/22 MOBB DEEP 5/3 WE ARE SCIENTISTS Tuesday 1/21 CROOKS ON TAPE
WAID’S Marmot vs Mammoth, Blood Drugs, Ghost Pains, $5 DJ
BALTIC ROOM Crunk: DJ Henski, Marty Mar, Blue Eyed Soul, Bgeezy, guests
CONTOUR Rotation Tryouts:
Guests
THE EAGLE VJDJ Andy J
HAVANA SoulShift: Peter Evans, Devlin Jenkins, Richard Everhard, $1
LAST SUPPER CLUB Vibe
Wednesday: Jame$Ervin, DT, Contagious
LAVA LOUNGE Mod Fuck
Explosion: DJ Deutscher
Meister
MOE BAR The Hump: DJ Darwin, DJ Swervewon
NEIGHBOURS Undergrad: Guest DJs, $5/$8
SEE SOUND LOUNGE Fade: DJ Chinkyeye, DJ Christyle
WILDROSE 2nd Hand: Mother Church, Pavone, free
Canteloupes Jazz Jam
a STUDIO SEVEN A Faylene Sky, the Words We Use, O’ Kingdom, $10/$12
SUNSET TAVERN An American Forest, Eternal Fair, Sidney York, $6
TRACTOR TAVERN Locomotives, Ten Speed Music, Goodbye Heart
TRIPLE DOOR Red Molly, 7:30 pm, $15 / $18
TULA’S Bellevue College Jazz Orchestra, 7:30 pm, $10
LIVE
2 BIT SALOON Maleficent Vigor, Cold Blooded, Chemical Castration, Dislich
AQUA BY EL GAUCHO Ben Fleck, 6 pm
BLUE MOON TAVERN Wild Berries, Western Tilt, Cream City Cowpokes
CAN CAN Vince Mira
CENTRAL SALOON Filthy Clean, J Reed & the Collective
CHOP SUEY Grasp Logic, Murder Weapons, Prehumanity, 8 pm, $5/$8
COLUMBIA CITY THEATER The Bismark, Seminars, Mitts
CONOR BYRNE Blake Noble, Planes on Paper, the Holy Broke, $8, 9:30 pm
CROCODILE Austin Jenckes, Polecat, 8 pm, $12
DISTRICT LOUNGE Cassia DeMayo Quintet, 8 pm, free JAZZ ALLEY Jeff Lorber Fusion, 7:30 pm, $24.50 LITTLE RED HEN Buckaroosters, $3
LUCID The Hang: Caffeine, 9:30 pm, free NECTAR Sadistik, No Bird Sing, Graves 33, 3rdegree, Thad Wenatchee, $5 NEUMOS Telekinesis, the Comettes, the Wild Ones, 8 pm, $15
PINK DOOR Bric-a-Brac
Q NIGHTCLUB Maxxi Soundsystem, Pezzner, Wesley Holmes
THE ROYAL ROOM Will Kimbrough SCARLET TREE How Now Brown Cow, 9:30 pm, free SEAMONSTER The Suffering Fuckheads SHOWBOX AT THE MARKET
Reverend Horton Heat THE STEPPING STONE PUB
Open Mic: Guests
STUDIO SEVEN Tracii Guns, Andrew Freemen, guests
SUNSET TAVERN Wiscon, Beachdick, Clutch Douglass
TRACTOR TAVERN Whitey Morgan and the 78’s, Old Tinder, 8 pm, $10
a TRIPLE DOOR Elvis Alive with Vince Mira, 7 pm
TULA’S Rick Mandyck Trio
VITO’S RESTAURANT &
LOUNGE Casey MacGill
WAID’S Greenhorn
Bluehorn, Vigilante Santos, Black Giraffe
DJ
BALTIC ROOM Revolution:
DonnaTella Howe, Olivia LaGarce, guests
THE EAGLE Nasty: DJ King of Pants, Nark
HAVANA Sophisticated
Mama: DJ Sad Bastard, DJ Nitty Gritty
LAST SUPPER CLUB Open House: Guests
MOE BAR Saucy: DJ
Rad’em, DJ 100 Proof, free
NEIGHBOURS Jet Set Thursdays: Guest DJs
NEIGHBOURS UNDERGROUND The Lowdown: DJ Lightray, $3
OHANA Chill: DJ MS
SEE SOUND LOUNGE
Damn Son: DJ Flave, Sativa Sound System, Jameson Just, Tony Goods
THERAPY LOUNGE
DUH.: DJ Omar, guests
TRINITY Space Thursdays: Rise Over Run, DJ Christyle, Johnny Fever, DJ Nicon, Sean Majors, B Geezy
THE WOODS Pure
Thursdays: Omar Valadez, MMars, Chris T, 10 pm, free
CLASSICAL
BENAROYA HALL
Big Nightmare Music: Igudesman & Joo
FRI 1/10
LIVE
AQUA BY EL GAUCHO Ben Fleck, 6 pm
BLUE MOON TAVERN
Mystery Ship, Candy’s River House, Black Wolf Men’s Club, $6
CAFE RACER BaniszewskiLeblanc, Geological Creep
CENTRAL SALOON Scott
MX Turner, Mandolin Hooper, Tyler Hamilton
CHOP SUEY Half Kingdom, iji, Imaginary Lines, $7
COLUMBIA CITY THEATER Wild Arms, Exohxo, Dark Hip Falls, $6/$8
CONOR BYRNE Tripwires, Evening Bell, Moonspinners a CROCODILE Califone, the Luyas, 8 pm, $12
EL CORAZON School of Rock Performs the Big Four: Metallica, Anthrax, Slayer, Megadeth, 5:30 pm
HEARTLAND Sick Sad World, KMVP, Celibacy
Ever wake up wickedly hungover with a mysterious strip of photo booth pictures in your pocket? A strip of photos you don’t remember paying for or even taking? Yes, you know you have! And so I propose a contest: E-mail your booziest photo booth picture to drunk@thestranger.com by January 12. The winner will receive one box of lightbulbs and get their photo published in the January 15 issue! KELLY O KELLY O
BY DAVE SEGAL
WEDNESDAY 1/8
DIAL UP OFFICIALLY LAUNCHES WITH “CHILLTRAP” DUDE
GIRAFFAGE
Dial Up—a new weekly sponsored by No Sleep that happens every Wednesday at Q—looks like it’ll be a zeitgeisty celebration of electronic music’s more chilled, R&B-fortified realms. Resident selectors D’Nelski (KEXP and Hush Hush Records’ Alex Ruder), Data Breaker favorite DJAO, and DJ Hojo possess deep knowledge of this territory, and headliner Giraffage (Charlie Yin) is one of the West Coast’s foremost purveyors of heavily FX’d, post-hiphop lovemaking tracks, as releases like Comfort and Needs prove. Someone on the internet called Giraffage’s music “chilltrap,” and that coinage is just annoying enough to work for me. With Dutty Wilderness and visuals by Frankie Crescioni Q Nightclub, 8 pm, free, 21+.
THURSDAY 1/9
MAXXI SOUNDSYSTEM, PEZZNER
Just because we’re in the deadest zone of the calendar year for clubbing doesn’t mean the Decibel organization is going to hibernate. Oh, no. This is the first of two dB events happening this week (see below for the other one). All evidence points to Brighton, England’s Maxxi Soundsystem (Sam Watts) filling Q’s luxurious environs with sensual, panoramic house music that’s low on cheese and high on tease. Bloke seems like a class act, as DJ support from moguls like Morgan Geist and Tiefschwarz attest. So is Seattle’s Pezzner, a veteran of the house/techno scene who’s escalated to world-traveler status over the last five years. His 2013 sophomore album, Last Night in Utopia, exemplifies sophisticated, immaculately detailed house music geared for illicit nocturnal activities. With Wesley Holmes Q Nightclub, 9 pm, $10 adv, 21+.
SATURDAY 1/11
LUSINE’S GLEAMING TECHNO POP, J. ALVAREZ’S HEADY ELECTRO Seattle producer Lusine is the antiDeadmau5 or the anti–Steve Aoki or the anti–[insert another style-oversubstance EDM character here]. In other words, Lusine (aka Jeff McIlwain) is all substance, no flash or gimmicks. For more than 14 years, he’s simply made very good electronic music, moving from industrial-leaning IDM to more melodic abstract electronica to smooth, poporiented techno and down-tempo styles. He’s also scored a few films, including David Gordon Green’s Snow Angels and The Sitter. Lusine’s last two albums for Ghostly International—2009’s A Certain Distance and 2013’s The Waiting Room—have seen him flexing more ambitious melodic muscles and polishing his textures to a radiant gleam while keeping the beats punchy but never bludgeoning. Seattle’s J. Alvarez (aka 214, real name Chris Roman) is a master of cerebral-yet-body-poppin’ electro that doesn’t sound embalmed in the atmosphere of Herbie Hancock’s “Rockit” video—a rare feat in the 21st century. (All proceeds from tonight’s show go toward the medical expenses incurred by Decibel Festival artist management director Blake Peterson.) With Nordic Soul vs. Michael Manahan Re-bar, 10 pm–3 am, $10 adv/$15 DOS, 21+.
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/TAKEWARNINGPRESENTS TWITTER @TAKEWARNINGSEA
ADVANCE TICKETS @ WWW.TICKETFLY.COM
TUES JAN 28TH @ THE VERA PROJECT INTO IT. OVER IT. THE WORLD IS A BEAUTIFUL PLACE & I AM NO LONGER AFRAID TO DIE, A GREAT BIG PILE OF LEAVES, SPECIAL EXPLOSION ALL AGES - 6:30 PM
TUE JAN 28TH @ EL CORAZON LOUNGE RED CITY RADIO
ELWAY, DIRECT HIT!, SUCCESS, POKE DA SQUID ALL AGES (BAR W/ ID) - 7:00 PM
TUE FEB 4TH @ THE VERA PROJECT REGGIE AND THE FULL EFFECT DADS, PENTIMENTO, HONORABLE MENTION ALL AGES - 6:30 PM
1/25 THE MAD CONDUCTOR @ 2BIT, 1/31 A LOT LIKE BIRDS @ VERA PROJECT, 2/13 MAD CADDIES @ CHOP SUEY, 2/20 PETER BRADLEY ADAMS @ HIGH DIVE, 4/1 LA DISPUTE @ EL CORAZON
Maronzio’s stand up special, “Maronzio Vance: The Half Hour” can currently be seen on Comedy Central. He’s appeared on Wanda Sykes: Wanda Does It, Jamie Foxx’s Laffapalooza, the seventh season of Last Comic Standing and will debut on Fox TV’s new show “Enlisted” this Friday, 1/10!
carefully curated snapshot of Seattle’s sprawling
scene featuring only the
and
and sprinkled with sketches, storytelling, videos, and other amusements; featuring Brian Haigh, Danielle Gregoire, Silas Lindenstein, Wilfred Padua and Brett Hamil.
1303 NE 45TH ST
LAKE CITY RECORD SHOW
Sunday February 23rd - 10am-4pm
Albums, 45's, 78's, Sheet Music, Memorabilia, 8-tracks, Posters, etc.
LAKE CITY COMMUNITY CENTER
12531 28TH AVE NE, SEATTLE, WA CONTACT US AT 206-850-1588 US ON FACEBOOK
FRIDAY JANUARY 10 | 7:00 PM
GIRLS THAT SHRED: A BENEFIT FOR SKATE LIKE A GIRL CHASTITY BELT, TACOCAT, ATOMIC BRIDE, SUMMER BABES, LURES
$10 ADV
FRIDAY JANUARY 17 | 7:30 PM SPEED OF SOUND IN SEAWATER, POST MADONNA
$7
SATURDAY JANUARY 18 | 6 PM, 8:30 PM
SUNDAY JAN 19 | 1PM, 3:30 PM, 6 PM REAL ESCAPE GAME: ESCAPE FROM WEREWOLF VILLAGE
$18-$22
TUESDAY JANUARY 28 | 7:30 PM INTO IT. OVER IT., THE WORLD IS A BEAUTIFUL PLACE AND I AM NO LONGER AFRAID TO DIE, A GREAT BIG PILE OF LEAVES, SPECIAL EXPLOSION $10
ALWAYS ALL AGES
Now!, Smear Lord, 8 pm
HIGH DIVE Ocelot Omelet, Plains, Piano Piano, Lightning Kills Eagle, $8
HIGHLINE Ubik, SpaceWaster, Barefoot Barnacle, Dogs of War, Blood of Kings, $6
HIGHWAY 99 The Missionary Position, 8 pm
JAZZ ALLEY Jeff Lorber Fusion, 9:30 pm, $24.50
LITTLE RED HEN $5 Fine, $5
LO-FI Krautrock Tribute: A Night of Cosmic German Music: DJ Explorateur, DJ Veins, Tredecimal, Low Hums
NECTAR Publish the Quest, Cascadia 10, Dusu Mali Band, DJ Darek Mazzone
NEPTUNE THEATRE Thao & the Get Down Stay Dow
NEUMOS The Posies
PARAGON Levi Said, free SKYLARK CAFE & CLUB Paula Boggs Band
SLIM’S LAST CHANCE Finger Guns
SUNSET TAVERN Surfer Blood, Hibou, $10
TRACTOR TAVERN Nick Foster, Big Medicine, $8 a TRIPLE DOOR Elvis Alive with Vince Mira, 7 pm
a VERA PROJECT
Chastity Belt, Tacocat, Atomic Bride, Summer Babes, Lures
DJ
BALLROOM DJ Tamm of KISS fm
BALMAR Body Movin’ Fridays: DJ Ben Meadow, free
BALTIC ROOM Dirty Work: Rotating DJs including Sean Majors, BGeezy, Mikey Mars, Sir Kuts, guests
CENTURY BALLROOM
Century Tango: DJ Anton
CONTOUR Afterhours, 2 am
HAVANA Rotating DJs: DV One, Soul One, Curtis, Nostalgia B, Sean Cee, $5
LAST SUPPER CLUB
Madness: Guests
NEIGHBOURS UNDERGROUND Caliente
Celebra: DJ Polo, Efren
OHANA Back to the Day: DJ Estylz
TRINITY Tyler, DJ Phase, DJ
Nug, guests, $10
VERMILLION The Jam: DJ Able, Absolutemadman, free
WILDROSE Lezbro: L.A.
Kendall, Tony Burns, 9 pm, $3
THE WOODS Deep/Funky/ Disco/House: Guest DJs
CLASSICAL
BENAROYA HALL Bach’s
Coffehouse: Seattle Symphony
CHAPEL PERFORMANCE
SPACE Wayne Horvitz
SAT 1/11
LIVE AQUA BY EL GAUCHO Ben Fleck, 6 pm
BARBOZA Maria Taylor
BLUE MOON TAVERN
Princess, Smooth Sailing, Grenades, $8
CAFE RACER Ask the Ages
CENTRAL SALOON The D*Mags, Mrs. Howl, Astro Castro
CHOP SUEY The Bend, the Dolly Rottens, Letters from Traffic, Gunn, guests, 7 pm
COLUMBIA CITY THEATER the Georgetown Orbits, the Longshots, DJ Kid Hops, $8
CONOR BYRNE Pablo Trucker, Nu Klezmer Army, the Lonely Mountain Lovers
CROCODILE The Lost Heroes of Grunge: School of Rock, 5:30 pm, $10
EL CORAZON Voltaire, Trance to the Sun, $15/$20 HARD ROCK CAFE Hammontree Band, 8 pm
HEARTLAND Nana Grizol, Your Heart Breaks, 8 pm
HIGH DIVE Tuisi, Wizdumb, Sintax, DJ Able One HIGHLINE The Pharmacy, L.A. Drugz, Brain Drain, Nervous Talk, Mythological Horses, $8
HIGHWAY 99 Hot Wired Rhythm Band, 8 pm, $15
JAZZ ALLEY Jeff Lorber Fusion, 9:30 pm, $24.50 NECTAR Endangered Species, Elton Jah, Chaotic
THURSDAY 1/9
Noise Marching Corps, Imaginary Friends, $7
NEUMOS Goodness, These Streets, Lucky Me, Gerald Collier, Faster Tiger
PARAGON Solbird, free
RE-BAR Lusine, Michael Manahan, Nordic Soul THE ROYAL ROOM
Permanent Record, Urban Achievers, 8:30 pm
SEAMONSTER Porkchop
Express
SHIP CANAL GRILL Kelley Johnson, 8 pm
a SHOWBOX AT THE MARKET Reel Big Fish
SKYLARK CAFE & CLUB Matt the Hoopla, guests
SLIM’S LAST CHANCE Tomb of Ligeia, Black Queen, Babylon, Coughin’ Nails STUDIO SEVEN Martha Davis and the Motels, 7 pm
TRACTOR TAVERN California Honeydrops, the Dip, $12 a TRIPLE DOOR Elvis Alive with Vince Mira, 7 pm
TULA’S Bill Anschell Trio
DJ
BALLROOM DJ Warren
BALTIC ROOM Good Saturdays: Guest DJs
BARBOZA Inferno: Guests, 10:30 pm
CONTOUR Europa Night CUFF Sensorium: DJ Almond Brown
HAVANA Rotating DJs: DV One, Soul One, Curtis, Nostalgia B, Sean Cee, $5
HEARTLAND CAFE & BENBOW ROOM Candylandia: DJ Cotton Candy, DJ Christophett, DJ Deep Parris, free LO-FI Emerald City Soul Club: Kenny Mac, Gene Balk,
BY ADRIAN RYAN
WORSHIPPING THE WEDGE Hullomosexuals! And welcome to this shite and briney New Year that the kids are calling “2014” or whatever. So much promise! So much to look forward to! So let us begin all of our forward-looking-ness properly, with a good, hard, icy glance back. I mean, really! No one ever speaks of Erasure anymore, now do they, and that indeed sucks the big, hairy balls of donkeys. And old Yaz? Nary a peep is heard! And Depeche Mode! Well, people still speak of Depeche Mode, but those who do all do things like go to Madison Pub on a Tuesday and wear wedges in their hair. But please to not despair! As ever, our good friend Pony seeks to right the sad wrongs of a sick, sad world, and shall right this particular wrong tonight with the latest Hero Worship, featuring, as you might suspect, the music of Erasure, and Yaz, and, duh, Depeche Mode, too. DJ Al Niño (HA!) and Dee Jay Jack preside. Pony, 9 pm, free, 21+.
FRIDAY
THE SHADY BIRD IS SHADY
The Eagle is vigorously endeavoring to fill every queer’s every Friday night with a filthy sort of magic—starting now, there is a new flesh-drenched event with a new theme and cast of DJs and performers every single Friday. Tonight, the crusty old bird brings us Shade, an all-queer-forqueers dance and face-sucking event that you may remember “soft-launched” last month. (Tragic term, “soft launch,” I’m sure you agree.) Anyway, it is from
here on out to happen on the second Friday of every month (got that? The SECOND!), and event organizers encourage us all to “Come be your filthy, unapologetic, queer self, in one of the last true homo-havens left on the Hill.” They certainly don’t need to ask me twice. The Eagle, 9 pm, $7, 21+.
SUNDAY 1/12
A NIGHT OF NIGHT CADET
I am deeply in love with Night Cadet, so let’s just not split hairs about it. Their dreamy, hypnotic strains are right up my naughty little alley. First of all, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF THEM? Who are you? Where do you come from? Where are your manners? (Gurl, have you LOST YOUR MIND?) Also, YOU’RE WRONG! You’ve heard them before, all right, as they are composed of members of our old friends the Secret Shoppers (dreamy dollface Garrett Vance, specifically), Perfume Genius, the Fancy, and even more bands you have definitely heard and definitely loved. Tonight, they will be appearing with Abdu Ali, who is lovely, and Golden Space, who are great, but make no mistake, we are going for NIGHT CADET, and you’re going to love them just as much as I do Chop Suey, 8 pm, $7, 21+.
Samantha Crain, 8 pm, $8
TRACTOR TAVERN Red Sun
Revue, the Blue Tracks
TRIPLE DOOR School of Rock Performs the Beatles
TULA’S Jazz Police Big Band, 3 pm, $5; Jim Cutler Jazz Orchestra, 8 pm, $8
VITO’S RESTAURANT & LOUNGE Ruby Bishop, 6 pm; the Ron Weinstein Trio
DJ
CONTOUR Broken Grooves: DJ Venus, Rob Cravens
THE EAGLE T-Bar/T-Dance: Up Above, Fistfight, free THE HIDEOUT DJ Night: Guests
MERCURY Blender: Guests
MOE BAR Chocolate Sundays: Sosa, MarsONE, Phosho, free
NEIGHBOURS Noche Latina: Guest DJs
PONY TeaDance: DJ El Toro, Freddy King of Pants
Q NIGHTCLUB Revival: Riz Rollins, Chris Tower
RE-BAR Flammable: DJ Wesley Holmes, 9 pm
SEE SOUND LOUNGE Salsa: DJ Nick
THE STEPPING STONE PUB
Vinyl Night: You bring your records, they play them
CLASSICAL
BRECHEMIN AUDITORIUM
Littlefield Organ Series: Michael Partington, Eunyoung Kim
TULA’S Dave Marriott Big Band, 7:30 pm, $5
DJ
BALTIC ROOM Jam Jam: Zion’s Gate Sound, $5
BARBOZA Minted: Icon Mondays: Sean Majors, guests, free, DJ Swervewon, 100proof, Sean Cee, Blueyedsoul, free
COMPANY BAR Rock and Roll Chess Night
CONOR BYRNE Get the Spins: Guest DJs, free HAVANA Manic Mondays: DJ Jay Battle, free
THE HIDEOUT Industry
Standard: Guests, free LO-FI Jam Jam: Zion’s Gate, Sound Selecta, Element, Mista Chatman, $5
THE MIX Bring Your Own
Vinyl Night: Guests, 6 pm MOE BAR Minted Mondays: DJ Swervewon, 100proof, Sean Cee, Blueyedsoul, free NEIGHBOURS
UNDERGROUND SIN: DJ Keanu, free
OHANA DJ Hideki
PONY Dirty Deeds: Guest DJs
Q NIGHTCLUB Electric
Penetration
CLASSICAL
UW MEANY THEATRE
Melia Watras:
You can always depend on Cairo for a lovely poster. This one by local designer Drew Donaghy (drewdonaghy. com), for Cairo’s sixth annual music and art expo, is one of the best yet. Find more info on EXPO 91 at templeofcairo. com. AARON HUFFMAN
LIVE
AQUA BY EL GAUCHO Ben Fleck, 6 pm
LIVE
2 BIT SALOON Pill Brigade, Test and Control, $5
AQUA BY EL GAUCHO Jerry Frank
BLUE MOON TAVERN Andy
Coe Band, 10 pm, free
COASTAL KITCHEN Pork Chop Trio, 9:30 pm, free
KELLS Liam Gallagher
MAC’S TRIANGLE PUB Jazz and Blues Night: Guests, free
NEUMOS Hey Marseilles, Cataldo, 8 pm, $15
NEW ORLEANS The New Orleans Quintet, 6:30 pm
SEAMONSTER Monday Night
Open Mic: Travis Hartnett Trio, free, 10 pm
BASTILLE CAFE BAR The Djangomatics, 8 pm, free CAFE RACER Jacobs Posse CHOP SUEY Childbirth, Half Breed, 8 pm, $5
CONOR BYRNE Ol’ Time
Social: the Tallboys, 9 pm CROCODILE The Lonely Drivers, the Ram Rams, Pirex
HIGH DIVE Plastic Boner Band, Jacob Sundstrom, Abe King, Charlie Dickey HIGHLINE Lord Dying, Ancient Warlocks, Wounded Giant, $9 JAZZ ALLEY Blues Harmonica Blowout
KELLS Liam Gallagher LITTLE RED HEN 1 Uppers
THE MIX Jazz Night: Don
THURSDAY 1/9
EXPO 91 w/Newaxeyes, Black Hat, Health Problems, and many more Jan 9–12, Cairo
Mock, Steve Kim, Jacques Willis, 8 pm PINK DOOR Michael Navedo, 8 pm SEAMONSTER Synthesis, free, McTuff Trio, 10 pm, free TRACTOR TAVERN Benjamin Verdoes, Valley Maker a TRIPLE DOOR Emily Asher’s Garden Party VERA PROJECT The Belle Game, 7:30 pm, $11/$10 with club card
DJ 95 SLIDE Chicken & Waffles: Supreme La Rock,
BY BRITTNIE FULLER
NAOMI PUNK, OLIVIA NEUTRON-JOHN, FF, HUGE ROCK
DJ Rev, free BLUE MOON TAVERN Blue Moon Vinyl Revival Tuesdays: DJ Country Mike, A.D.M., guests, 8 pm, free
THE EAGLE Pitstop: DJ Nark HAVANA Word Is Bond LO-FI Stop Biting: Introcut, guests, $5 MOE BAR Cool.: DJ Cory Alfano, DJ Cody Votolato, free
NEIGHBOURS UNDERGROUND Vicious
Dolls: DJ Rachael, 9 pm, $5 WILDROSE Taco Tuesday: Guest DJs
enting postindustrial plane.
Also tonight: Electronic-pop act Youryoungbody, addled beats from Newaxeyes, and crafty IDM duo USF
Olympia trio Naomi Punk’s aggressively woozy garage rock is suspiciously palatable for the lo-fi-averse, maybe even perfecting the “swamp grunge” nongenre with their distinctly slowed-down, hyper-sludged riffs. Phoenix duo Olivia Neutron-John’s no-wave-y, sax-infested synthmares are delivered with a serious bedroom-pop smirk, while local electronic acts the Numbs (Jeff Johnson) and Secret Colors (Matt Lawson) should also incite experimental delight with their collaborative project Huge Rock Heartland, 8 pm.
THURS–SUN 1/9–12
EXPO 91
EXPO—Capitol Hill’s multipurpose art space Cairo’s four-day freakfest of fun—is now in its sixth year, curated with willful weirdness to include some of the best Northwest bands and artists. Go to all the shows if you can, but if you (or your clone) can’t make every set, here are some unmissables:
FRIDAY: Nice & AO. Together, Seattle hiphop producers DJAO and Nice Nate construct a fully chopped-and-screwed, nearly subliminally funky brand of slow-headnodding, future-feet-shuffling, post–FlyLo/ Dilla beat science to get subtly down to. Black Hat. Primitive IDM ambience to elevate your senses to a pleasantly disori-
SATURDAY: Health Problems. Vocalist Ian Kurtis Crist contorts, howls, and generally reanimates Iggy in his prime fronting this noise punk trio. Also worth checking: his synthier, ’80s-obsessed projects Bat and Uneven Eyeliner.
Weed. This Vancouver, BC, band released one of 2013’s best Northwest albums, Deserve. Walking the sludgy, Dinosaur Jr.–indebted line between emo and ’gazey indie rock, Weed’s fuzz-swirl is massively refreshing in a humdrum tornado of dull contemporaries.
Also tonight: Everyone’s favorite nap connoisseurs Wimps, garage “supergroup” Childbirth, saxy no-wavers Stickers, and Portland indie rockers Hornet Leg
SUNDAY: Dragging an Ox Through Water. Portland’s Brian Mumford writes bucolic, old-timey country songs skewed with an industrial/noise twist, kind of like being serenaded by an attic full of broken circus memorabilia.
Also tonight: Stranger Genius Award–winning cellist Lori Goldston with Dan Sasaki, Maryjane Dunphe of Olympia punk band Vexx, Corey J. Brewer (Cold Lake, Triumph of Lethargy Skinned Alive to Death), and punk feminist poet Elissa Ball Cairo, various times, $7 per day.
August: Osage County dir. John Wells Guild 45th
In August: Osage County, Meryl Streep finally goes full monster. As Violet Weston, the cancer-ridden matriarch of the Weston clan, she sucks cigarette smoke through a mouth full of cancer and spits poison at her nearest and dearest. When her husband disappears after one of their routinely vicious fights, she summons her three daughters home to her side, setting the stage for an epic, toxic, and thoroughly entertaining family showdown.
Violet has a pill addiction and a mean streak, and her daughters have coping mechanisms: Ivy (Julianne Nicholson) is withdrawn and self-sufficient, ditzy Karen (Juliette Lewis) bounces from man to man, and while Barbara (Julia Roberts) seems to have the strongest claim to normalcy, she’s also the most like her mother (this is a bad thing). As the three sisters try to figure out what to do with their sick, aging mom, Violet rails furiously against their intervention, forcing the sisters to confront the limits of their own relationships.
If you require movie characters to be “likable,” give this one a pass; the few tolerable characters (played by Benedict Cumberbatch and Chris Cooper) are steamrollered by the oversize personalities of the Weston women. These people are awful: They say terrible things to each other, make each other unhappy on purpose, and have elevated passive-aggressive and vindictiveness to an art form.
Often, miserable characters make for miserable movies. But Osage County, which was adapted from Tracy Letts’s Pulitzer Prize–winning play, is in the Tennessee Williams school of storytelling—not because we’re dealing with a cast of seriously dysfunctional, heat-addled alcoholics, but because of the
to understand, is a pleasure to watch. The film—which was photographed by Bruno Delbonnel, the French cinematographer who lensed Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince—opens with the professor (Johannes Zeiler) searching for the human soul in the guts of a corpse with a small penis. Later, he is on the streets of a small but dense town, walking about and meeting people who are as odd as he is. In one scene, a moneylender (Anton Adasinsky), the devil of the film, is naked in a village spa for women. His body is ugly and fleshy, and his small penis hangs above his ass like a tail.
But there is great beauty in this ugly world. Her name is Margarete (Isolda Dychauk), her age is about 20, and her face appears not to have a single fault. Faust becomes more and more obsessed with Margarete; he follows the beauty, stares at it with the most desperate eyes, and eventually makes a deal with the devil to possess the impossible. And how does all this end? With the same old lesson: Never sell your soul for anything. CHARLES MUDEDE
sheer melodramatic pleasure it offers. When Meryl and Julia go at it, it’s like watching two drag queens fight—wigs are strewn. Letts’s screenplay is surprisingly funny, and the cast delivers all-in performances, anchored by Streep’s ferociously monstrous turn. Likable? No. Perversely fun? Absolutely. ALISON HALLETT
CIwould not be telling the truth if I said I could see any connection between Faust and the first three films in Alexander Sokurov’s “Men of Power” series. It all began with Moloch (1999), which is about Hitler, followed by Taurus (2001), which is about Lenin, and then The Sun (2005), which is about Emperor Hirohito. The first three films are about real men who once held an enormous amount of political power, while the last is about a fictional doctor who wants to solve the ultimate riddle of life: death. Also, the first three films humanize monsters of the 20th century, whereas Faust is already very human, very much in the world, and, though he is an intellectual, always dead broke. Why slam Faust in with the other films? Your guess is as good as mine.
Nevertheless, Faust, which is not easy
ult hero writer/director Jon Moritsugu (Fame Whore, Scumrock, Mod Fuck Explosion, Hippy Porn) hasn’t made a film in more than a decade. His new partiallyKickstarter-funded lo-fi feature Pig Death Machine—cowritten by and starring his longtime muse and partner Amy Davis—is an exercise in garbage aesthetics not unlike Harmony Korine’s 2009 film Trash Humpers. Both directors gleefully mine the gutters and recognize the importance of their respective roles in the underground. Both seemingly LOVE to remind you that all the accepted mainstream rules about making films can and should be smashed into tiny bits, and both Moritsugu and Korine hate wimpy soundtracks, instead using the butchiest and best punk, metal, and weirdo rarities they can find.
Unlike Korine, Moritsugu finds broad comedy in the world, and like much of his past work, Pig Death Machine is an absurdist social satire—this time featuring a small New Mexico town and two women who eat some freaky contaminated pork. One of the women, played by Davis, enjoys a higher IQ and some spiritual enlightenment after eating the bad meat. The other, played by the young Hannah Levbarg, can suddenly hear the voices of all of her houseplants after she eats the same rotten pig. Moritsugu makes a scene-stealing cameo in the film’s intro, playing a pig-tailed, freckle-faced prostitute. It’s all great weirdo fun. KELLY O
More reviews and movie times: thestranger.com/film
LIMITED RUN
THE BOONDOCK SAINTS
Twin vigilantes who believe they’re doing God’s work are being pursued by an FBI agent (Willem Dafoe) through the mob-ridden streets of Boston. Central Cinema, Fri-Tues 9:30 pm.
EVANGELION: 3.0 YOU CAN (NOT) REDO
The third in a series of sci-fi anime films based on a super-popular anime TV show. Grand Illusion, Fri 6, 8 pm, Sat-Sun 4, 6, 8 pm, Mon-Tues 7, 9 pm.
FAUST
See review, page 35. Northwest Film Forum, Fri-Tues 7, 9:30 pm.
GO FOR SISTERS
In the latest feature by the great John Sayles, a parole officer and a vigilante cop help a woman try to locate her son, who went missing on the Mexican border. SIFF Film Center, Fri 5:20, 8 pm, Sat-Sun 2:40, 5:20, 8 pm, Tues 9:15 pm.
HERE COMES THE DEVIL
Losing your children in a Mexican cave is pretty much every parent’s worst nightmare. But what if the nightmare actually starts when your children return, seemingly unharmed? That’s the premise of this supernatural thriller, which juggles several horror themes, including killer children and the occult. Grand Illusion, Fri-Sat 10:15 pm.
THE MUPPET MOVIE
See Stranger Suggests, page 15. Central Cinema, FriSat 7 pm, Sun 3, 7 pm, Mon-Tues 7 pm.
PIG DEATH MACHINE
See review, page 35. Northwest Film Forum, Fri-Tues 7, 9 pm.
ROADMAP TO APARTHEID
A documentary that takes a close look at apartheid and its use in the context of the Israeli-Palestinian predicament. Narrated by Alice Walker. Keystone Church, Fri Jan 10 at 7 pm.
SCIENCE FICTION AND FANTASY SHORT FILM FESTIVAL ENCORE
All the best short films from the crazy popular short-film fest. SIFF Cinema Uptown, Sun Jan 12 at noon.
THE SPROCKET SOCIETY’S SECRET SATURDAY MATINEE
A family-friendly series featuring classic movie serial episodes plus secret classic feature films, all shown on 16 mm. The serial: 1949’s Batman and Robin. The secret feature film: secret, but this month’s theme is “superheroes.” Grand Illusion, Sat Jan 11 at 2 pm.
SUNRISE
F. W. Murnau’s epic pastoral, with a live score performed by Jim Riggs on the Paramount’s Wurlitzer organ. Paramount, Mon Jan 13 at 7 pm.
NOW PLAYING
AMERICAN HUSTLE
It’s hard to pull off a con movie these days, when the
impulse to get too elaborate has taken over. But American Hustle has a realistic sense of scale. Christian Bale plays Irving Rosenfeld, a two-bit hustler from the Bronx who sells counterfeit artwork and scams people out of a few thousand dollars at a time. He leads a large and excellent cast, including Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence, Amy Adams, and Robert De Niro. The movie withholds pertinent information about characters until just the right moment, and it knows how to show its hand before things get too complicated. A good con pulls you close so you can’t see it’s hiding something important from you; American Hustle works exactly like that. (PAUL CONSTANT)
HER
Despite the dangerously high-concept premise—“a man falls in love with Siri”—Her is one of the best sciencefiction movies I’ve seen in a good long while. It’s not flashy rockets-and-robots sci-fi: The artificial intelligence that Theodore Twombly (Joaquin Phoenix, rumpled and wearing a big, friendly, Vonnegut-like mustache) falls in love with feels less like a quantum leap ahead of Google Now and Siri and more like a couple of well-paced quantum skips. But the AI, which immediately names itself Samantha, is voiced by Scarlett Johansson with a remarkable warmth. Once Twombly powers her into existence, she’s chipper like an enthusiastic retail employee, but she quickly grows fond of him. It’s such an organic progression that only the most cynical viewers will fight it. (PAUL CONSTANT)
INSIDE LLEWYN DAVIS
Joel and Ethan Coen’s caustic, marvelous depiction of the Greenwich Village folk-music scene of the early ‘60s follows down-on-his-luck folksinger Llewyn Davis (Oscar Isaac). Llewyn is not a bad guy, necessarily, but there’s just something about him that pisses people off. Llewyn is the latest in the string of feckless antiheroes that populate the Coen brothers’ best movies, and Isaac turns in an exceptional performance that not only fulfills the role’s technical challenges—that’s Isaac singing every note and plucking every guitar string you hear—but allows you to find some affection for this prickly, troubled character. (NED LANNAMANN)
THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty is a terrible movie. Directed by and starring Ben Stiller (and costarring a visibly bored Kristen Wiig and Adam Scott’s terrible beard), here’s how it “improves” upon James Thurber’s famous short story about a downtrodden man who daydreams his way through his life: (1) It throws in a romantic subplot. (2) It turns Walter Mitty’s daydreams into a self-helpy parable about the need to live a fully actualized life. (3) Walter Mitty is good at skateboarding! Overall, there’s less a “plot” than a series of handsprings from one product placement to the next. (ALISON HALLETT)
THE WOLF OF WALL STREET
While Leonardo DiCaprio and his desperate, cash-slobbery pals do their best to redefine debauchery, Scorsese blows the roof off the goddamn place. After Shutter Island Hugo and Shine a Light, it was easy to worry that the 71-yearold director was ossifying, but The Wolf of Wall Street annihilates those concerns. This is a movie that’s funny and alive and furious, and it often feels like a live-action cartoon, outsize and ludicrous, but Scorsese’s not content with that: When Terence Winter’s screenplay turns dark and intense, Scorsese doesn’t let up. (ERIK HENRIKSEN)
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When: Tuesday, December 31, 2013. Where: Tiny Ninja Cafe. You: Woman. Me: Man. #920185
MET DAWN AT DINA MARTINA Dawn (sp?)--my wife and I met you and your friend Jay on Monday, Dec. 30th 2013 @ the Dina Martina show at Re-bar. We felt a connection with you and regretted not asking you for some kind of contact information. When: Monday, December 30, 2013. Where: Re-bar in Seattle. You: Woman. Me: Man. #920184
NEW YEAR’S BELLEVUE WAY You: Tall Tacoma guy waiting for car repair that chatted me up on Bellevue Way: wish we could’ve continued our talk. It’s looking like another lonely New Year’s. Hope you got home alright. Me: Tall guy in black down jacket. When: Tuesday, December 31, 2013. Where: Bellevue Way near mall. You: Man. Me: Man. #920183
5TH & OLIVE - WALKING
I don’t want to post one this, but I’ll probably never see you again. We were walking, you looked at me, I looked at you and couldn’t look away. I was in a yellow coat. You made my stomach flip. When: Monday, December 30, 2013. Where: 5th & Olive. You: Man. Me: Woman. #920182
KATE AND CLEVELAND Evening of Dec. 26th. You were walking your dog, I had just finished working at the zoo. Wish I’d asked for your number. Drinks, dinner sometime? I’ll pick a dog friendly establishment if Cleveland wants to go too. When: Thursday, December 26, 2013. Where: Phinney Ave. N. You: Woman. Me: Man. #920181
ONE STOP ON THE 49
you got on the 49 at one stop and got off the next. in that distance we exchanged glances, smiled, said hi and bye. meet again? for longer? maybe two stops? you: army green jacket, straight dark hair under beanie. When: Tuesday, December 24, 2013. Where: 49 capitol hill pike broadway. You: Woman. Me: Man. #920180
MATTHEW...WWU...2001
We were at Western in 2001, you were in the Colmena Collective...We met at my friend’s party back then (I think you played with my hair).
Saw you recently, and realized I was curious about you... When: Sunday, July 15, 2012. Where: Capitol Hill. You: Man. Me: Woman. #920179
GOT TOTS
You: eating tots, chatting with your shoe salesman boyfriend...me: hoping we could dance on the bar and get that dang bartender to bring more tots...@bleachers! I’ll be there waiting on Tuesday, it seems to be our day. When: Thursday, December 26, 2013. Where: Bleachers. You: Woman. Me: Woman. #920178
TALKING BITTERS AND TONIC
We chatted at DeLaurenti’s, I gave you recommendations, and we discussed some of our favorite flavors... and yet I blanked on asking for your number. That was such a fortuitous meeting I should buy you a drink sometime. When: Monday, December 23, 2013. Where: DeLaurenti’s. You: Woman. Me: Man. #920173
FISHYADAM, HOMO FOR THE HOLIDAYS
You: Adam- you study fish, have begun to dabble in beard-growing. Me: biologist, Santa hat, with my friend Britt. You gave me a high-five when I won the door prize(12/20).Your beard was pretty sweet for an amateur. Let’s hang out. When: Friday, December 20, 2013. Where: HOMO for the Holidays. You: Man. Me: Woman. #920172
WORK NEIGHBORS
We work across the street from each other and you come in often. You seem very shy, but I find that attractive. If you end up reading this and want to have a drink and a chat I am down!
When: Sunday, December 22, 2013. Where: Belltown. You: Man. Me: Woman. #920171
LELAND @ MOMO
You: blue shirt, “Nice” pin, gorgeous smile. Me: gray jacket, purchased “Naughty” pin. Couldn’t help glancing over; it may have been the shortest day of the year, but you lit up the room. Too late to ask you to coffee? When: Saturday, December 21, 2013. Where: MoMo in International District. You: Man. Me: Man. #920167
BLONDE AT THE FOUR SEASONS
You needed directions to restroom so suggested you turn left at the cookies. How did the rest of your night go, as it seemed like you had other things in mind? When: Friday, December 20, 2013. Where: Four Seasons. You: Woman. Me: Man. #920166
SGN DELIVERY BOY ON 15TH
Cute and scruffy, your eyes sparkled an amazing blue. I held the door for you. You said, “Thanks, bro,” and thought you might have wanted to connect. Felt electric. kept moving, but I could feel you behind me. When: Friday, December 20, 2013. Where: 15th and Harrison. You: Man. Me: Man. #920165
NORTHGATE QFC HOLIDAY CHAT
Mrs. Cook’s U Village. You: tall handsome vegetarian pancake maker, shopping for a skillet! Me: white bearded know-it-all you joked with about pans and vegetarianism. Would like to exchange recipes for hotcakes. Bacon not included.
When: Saturday, January 4, 2014. Where: Mrs. Cook’s U Village. You: Man. Me: Man. #920192
CHRISTMAS AT THE REEF
I gave you my menu as I headed to the bar area, I don’t work there but I do work close by and have waited on you before. Would have rather spent Christmas with you. Arrow tattoo? Please explain. When: Wednesday, December 25, 2013. Where: King Solomon’s Reef Olympia. You: Man. Me: Woman. #920176
CHRISTMAS DAY GIFT TO HOMELESS
You handed a homeless man a wrapped gift around 4pm. He looked at the gift with disbelief. I’ll never know what was in the package, but I’ll never forget the kindness. Day changer! Merry Christmas to you and yours! When: Wednesday, December 25, 2013. Where: 6th and Pine. You: Man. Me: Woman. #920175
SUNDAY NIGHT SALTY’S ON ALKI
You were the tall lady with black hair. We Exchanged smiles as we walked by. It was around 9 P.M. dream of Love And Commitment in my life with someone just as Gracious And Passionate as You! Merry Christmas When: Sunday, December 22, 2013. Where: Salty’s On Alki. You: Woman. Me: Man. #920174
BENAROYA HALL 12/22
PLAID JACKET
12/22 you were definetly interested, you complimented my peacock shawl.
I would of like to talk to you. I wish you were more brave. You wore a plaid jacket, have beautiful hair, and a sexy smile...sitting orchastra center When: Sunday, December 22, 2013. Where: in the benaroya hall. You: Man. Me: Woman. #920170
JOHN AT TRADER JOES I was shopping for wine for a friend and you struck me as a really nice cool person! The second time saw you had checked me out you asked about the wine, maybe we could share a glass sometime? When: Sunday, December 15, 2013. Where: Trader Joes Queen Anne. You: Man. Me: Woman. #920169
49 TO CAPITOL HILL
You had a sweet smile, blonde hair, blue eyes, and awesome leggings! I was wearing nothing that would stand out, except perhaps my red beanie. wanted to say something to you, but my nerves got the better of me. When: Saturday, December 21, 2013. Where: 49 to Harrison. You: Woman. Me: Man. #920168
Me, auburn hair up and wearing a gray scarf. You chatted me up about holiday plans and were looking pretty sharp in that overcoat. thought about giving you my business card... then wimped out! Life is too short. When: Wednesday, December 18, 2013. Where: QFC on Northgate. You: Man. Me: Woman. #920164
CAFE VITA (PIONEER SQUARE)
Hello, We always smile at each other. commented on your X-Mas sweater. We joked about butts on the reindeer. I thought you said you got it from China? I find your very easy to talk too. And very adorable. When: Tuesday, December 10, 2013. Where: Cafe Vita ( PIONEER SQUARE). You: Woman. Me: Man. #920163
FRIDAY THE 13TH
We met at the Aphersand. You bought me two drinks and invited me to hangout at the Rabit Hole. gave you my number, but lost my phone that same night. If you’re still interested, we should definitly hangout soon. When: Friday, December 13, 2013. Where: Amphersand Lounge. You: Man. Me: Woman. #920162
TANKGIRL AT RUDY’S BARBERSHOP, UDIST
Pa-pa-pa-POW! Colorful girl, you light up my heart every time see you. You got mad skills with the snip snips. Adventure to Mars with me? When: Sunday, December 15, 2013. Where: Rudy’s Barbershop, U District. You: Woman. Me: Woman. #920161
RUSHING TO SEE MOVIE...
was in a hurry to get a movie ticket when I saw you, Alexandra. You were the pretty and charmingticket lady at the Lynnwood AMC who complimented me on my cat shirt. I regret not staying to chat more. When: Saturday, December 14, 2013. Where: Lynnwood AMC Theater. You: Woman. Me: Man. #920160
MACKLEMORE THURSDAY
NIGHT
Lee(Angelo?), After the MACKLEMORE concert Thursday we were in the street, you took my picture with Macklemore on your phone. I Gave you my email address, but no pic yet. I would LOVE to get that from you!!! Sommer When: Thursday, December 12, 2013. Where: Outside Macklemore show Thursday. You: Man. Me: Woman. #920159
HANDSOME BEARD AT SULLY’S SNOWGOOSE
You: Dark hair, beautiful beard, olive coat, sitting at the bar alone. Me: Black hair, blue scarf, by the door,with a guy pal, unable to avert my eyes from you. You left without finishing your beer. Finish one with me? When: Friday, December 13, 2013. Where: Sully’s Snowgoose. You: Man. Me: Woman. #920158
BY ROB BREZSNY
For the Week of Jan 8
ARIES (March 21–April 19): You can blame it on the coming full moon. You can blame it on the gorgeous storm or the epic dream or the haunting song or the suffering you’re struggling to vanquish. All I ask is that you don’t blame it on the alcohol. Okay? If you’re going to do wild and brave and unexpected things, make sure they are rooted in your vigorous response to primal rhythms, not in a drunken surrender to weakness or ignorance. I’m all for you losing your oppressive self-control, but not the healthy kind of self-control.
TAURUS (April 20–May 20): When was the last time you did an experiment? I’m not talking about scientific tests and trials that take place in a laboratory. I’m referring to real-life experiments, like when you try out an unfamiliar experience to see if it appeals to you… or when you instigate a change in your routine to attract unpredictable blessings into your sphere. Now would be an excellent time to expose yourself to a few what-ifs like that. You’re overdue to have your eyes opened, your limits stretched, and your mind blown.
GEMINI (May 21–June 20): To help take the edge off the darkness you have been wrestling with, I offer you these lines from a poem by Kay Ryan: “The day misspent,/ the love misplaced,/has inside it/the seed of redemption./Nothing is exempt/from resurrection.” In other words, Gemini, whatever has disappeared from your life will probably return later in a new form. The wrong turns you made may lead you to a fresh possibility. Is that what you want? Or would you prefer that the lost things stay lost, the dead things stay dead? Make a decision soon.
CANCER (June 21–July 22): “Human beings are often unable to receive because we do not know what to ask for,” says the writer Malidoma Somé in his book Of Water and the Spirit. “We are sometimes unable to get what we need because we do not know what we want.” With that in mind, Cancerian, hear my two pleas: First, that in the next six weeks, you will work diligently to identify the goodies you want most, and second, that you will cultivate your capacity to receive the goodies you want most by refining your skill at asking for them.
LEO (July 23–Aug 22): Julia Morgan (1872–1957) was the first woman licensed as an architect in California. She designed more than 700 buildings in the course of her brilliant career, and thrived both financially and artistically. One key to her
success was her humility. “Don’t ever turn down a job because it’s beneath you,” she advised. That’s a helpful message for you to hear, Leo. It applies to the work-related opportunities you may be invited to take on, as well as the tasks that your friends, associates, and loved ones ask you to consider. You can’t possibly know ahead of time how important it might ultimately be to apply yourself conscientiously to a seemingly small assignment.
VIRGO (Aug 23–Sept 22): One of Beethoven’s music teachers said, “As a composer, he is hopeless.” When Thomas Edison was a kid, a teacher told him he was “too stupid to learn anything.” Walt Disney worked at a newspaper when he was young, but his editor fired him because “he lacked imagination and had no good ideas.” I’m sure there was a person like that in your past—someone who disparaged and discouraged you. But I’m happy to report that 2014 will be the best year ever for neutralizing and overcoming that naysayer’s curse. If you have not yet launched your holy crusade, begin now.
LIBRA (Sept 23–Oct 22): As a child, French philosopher and writer Blaise Pascal (1623–1662) loved math. But his father, who homeschooled him, forced him to forego math and concentrate on studying the humanities. Blaise rebelled. When he was 12 years old, he locked himself in his room for days and immersed himself in mathematical investigations. When he emerged, he had figured out on his own some of Euclid’s fundamental theorems about geometry. Eventually, he became a noted mathematician. I see the coming weeks as prime time to do something like the young Pascal did: Seal yourself away from other people’s opinions about who you’re supposed to be and explore the themes that will be crucial for the person you are becoming.
SCORPIO (Oct 23–Nov 21): In 1609, sea explorer Henry Hudson sailed to America and came upon what we now call Coney Island. Back then it was a barren spit of sand whose main inhabitants were rabbits. But it was eventually turned into a dazzling resort—an “extravagant playground,” according to the documentary film Coney Island. By the early 20th century, there were three sprawling amusement parks packed into its two square miles of land, plus “a forest of glittering electric towers, historical displays, freak shows, a simulated trip to the moon, the largest herd of elephants in the world, and panoramas showing the Creation, the End of the World, and Hell.” I mention this, Scorpio, because 2014 could feature your very own Henry Hudson moment—a time when you will discover virgin territory that will ultimately become an extravagant playground.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22–Dec 21): “If men had wings and bore black feathers, few of them would be clever enough to be crows,” said 19th-century social reformer
Henry Ward Beecher. That might be an accurate assessment for most people, but I don’t think it will be true for you Sagittarians in the foreseeable future. Your animal intelligence will be working even better than usual. Your instinctual inclinations are likely to serve as reliable guides to wise action. Trust what your body tells you! You will definitely be clever enough to be a crow.
CAPRICORN (Dec 22–Jan 19): Can you guess what combination of colors makes the most vivid visual impact? Psychologists say it’s black on yellow. Together they arrest the eye. They command attention. They activate a readiness to respond. According to my reading of the astrological omens, this is the effect you can and should have in the coming weeks. It’s time for you to draw the best kind of attention to yourself. You have a right and a duty to galvanize people with the power of your presence. Whether you actually wear yellow clothes with black highlights is optional as long as you cultivate a similar potency.
AQUARIUS (Jan 20–Feb 18): I’m guessing that in a metaphorical sense, you’ve been swallowed by a whale. Now you’re biding your time in the beast’s belly. Here’s my prediction: You will be like the biblical Jonah, who underwent a more literal version of your experience. The whale eventually expelled him, allowing him to return to his life safe and sound—and your story will have the same outcome. What should you do in the meantime? Here’s the advice that Dan Albergotti gives in his poem “Things to Do in the Belly of the Whale.” “Count the ribs,” he says. “Look up for blue sky through the spout. Make small fires with the broken hulls of fishing boats. Practice smoke signals. Call old friends. Organize your calendar. Dream of the beach. Review each of your life’s ten million choices. Find the evidence of those before you. Listen for the sound of your heart. Be thankful that you are here, swallowed with all hope, where you can rest and wait.”
PISCES (Feb 19–March 20): How do you like your tests? Short, intense, and dramatic? Or leisurely, drawn-out, and low-pressure? Here’s another question: Do you prefer to pick out the tests you take, making sure they’re good fits for the precise lessons you want to master? Or do you find it more exciting and adventurous to let fate determine what unpredictable tests get sent your way? Ruminate about these matters, Pisces. You’re due for a nice big test sometime soon, and it’s in your interest to help shape and define how everything unfolds.
Homework: Imagine that one of your heroes comes to you and says, “Teach me the most important things you know.” What do you say? Tell at freewillastrology.com.
BY DAN SAVAGE
Is there a term that is preferred to “transgendered”? I recently wrote an article that described a MTF person I know as transgendered. The article was positive about transgendered persons I have known (she is one of many). Upon seeing a draft prior to publication, this person flipped out so hard that I felt compelled to cut off all contact with her. I also killed the article. One of her complaints was that I used the word “transgendered” to describe her, and she identifies as something other than that. I feel like an old fart even asking, but have you heard of this? What is the new term if it’s not okay to say “transgendered” anymore?
Confused In Straightland
“Let’s assume CIS got the subject’s identity right (versus genderqueer or agender) and is being respectful,” said Shadi Petosky, a writer, a trans woman, and the cofounder of PUNY Entertainment. “Even if CIS showed her respect, CIS isn’t showing respect for the English language.” Transgender is an adjective like blue or tall, Petosky pointed out. It’s not a noun or verb. So the correct term is “transgender man,” “transgender woman,” or “transgender person,” not “transgendered man.”
less safe around you and she blew up. Hopefully you two will be able to patch things up once the glitter has settled.
“It might help if CIS thinks about the adjectives gay or black,” said Petosky. “You’re a gay man or you’re gay. You’re not ‘gayed.’ The president is a black man. He’s not a blacked man. Only an ignorant person or a bigot would get gayed/ blacked wrong. And to say that Dan Savage is ‘a gay’ or Barak Obama is ‘a black’ sounds homophobic or racist because it dehumanizes. Trans people want dignity, CIS, so if you are saying transgender or trans outside of ‘they’re transgender,’ you have to put man, woman, or person (or human) after it. Because that is what we are.”
If all you got wrong was that one thing, CIS, and your transgender friend blew up at you, well, that’s unfortunate. (We’re both giving you the benefit of the doubt, CIS, and assuming that “transgendered” was the only issue.) You were trying to do right by your friend, her anger was misplaced, an opportunity to educate a well-meaning ally was lost, a friendship was nuked, and a transgender angel didn’t get her wings that day.
But let’s zoom out for a second: Trans folks have an awful lot to be angry about, CIS, from absolutely staggering levels of anti-trans violence to discrimination against trans people in employment to a lack of access to basic health care. But at times, righteous trans anger seems to get directed at whoever is nearest at hand, however well-intentioned or otherwise supportive that person might be. (Cough, cough.) But blowing up at you was easier than blowing up at, say, highprofile anti-trans bigot Bill O’Reilly because you were in the room and O’Reilly wasn’t.
But Petosky would like you—and glittery me—to keep that misdirected anger in perspective. “People mostly seem to be fascinated by trans people right after we come out,” said Petosky. “If CIS’s friend recently came out, then CIS was dealing with a person who is probably going through a lot of trauma and anxiety. When I transitioned, I thought I was going to lose my business, kill my dating chances, and end up homeless. Many trans people do. People called me ‘he’ most of the time in those early months. My self-image was in shambles. I lashed out at some gay friends for saying things that were less than supportive. Gay men were actually some of the worst because they could be—they can be—sarcastic about stuff I was really sensitive about. It’s not like we trans people have no sense of who the real bad guys are. We’re just getting tons of shit thrown at us all at once and want some minor wins. We’re just trying to feel safe close to home first.”
So something about your article rubbed your trans friend the wrong way—maybe it was the way you brandished her as proof of your own high-mindedness?—and she suddenly felt
On a related note: Media Matters for America has extensively covered the outrageous and damaging anti-trans bigotry that Fox News routinely spews into American homes, hotels, airports, and waiting rooms. (These two posts at MediaMatters.org will bring you up to speed: “Experts: Fox News’ Coverage Contributes to Violence, Discrimination Against Transgender Community” and “Fox News’ Transphobia Problem.”) Far be it from me to give the trans-rights movement marching orders… but… if a coalition of queer and transrights groups came together and called for a big demonstration outside the Fox News studios in midtown Manhattan, I would be there along with tons of other gay, lesbian, straight, and bi cissies. How about it?
I’m a 37-year-old straight male and I’ve never had a girlfriend. I lost my virginity when I was 25 and proceeded to have sex with dozens of women over the next five years, but none lasted more than a night or two. Over the next few years, I dated with the goal of finding a relationship, not sex, and found neither, then a few years of depression. The question is: Am I screwed? Will women my age be willing to date someone with no relationship experience? Is it something I should be up front about?
Hope Over Personal Experience
There are tons of women your age who have similar dating histories—there are tons of women your age with no dating histories at all—and you won’t be at a disadvantage, experience-wise, if you’re willing to date one (or more) of them. Create a few online personal profiles, HOPE, and be up front, honest, and unapologetic about your dating history and your desire for a relationship. State that you are looking for a woman understanding enough to look past your inexperience and offer that you are willing and able to do the same. Good luck.
Any tips on getting over unrequited love? I’m a 30-year-old straight male who fell in love with a girl who didn’t want to proceed with a relationship. I have tried the gym, movies, socializing, and dating other women, but I still can’t get her off my mind. To make matters worse, I will be running into her a lot in a professional setting in a few months. It has been 1.5 years, and I still haven’t gotten over her. I fear that my future interaction with her will make it impossible to move on. She Moved On
For two years, I pined for a guy I couldn’t have, certain I would never get over him. So I called him one day and asked him to have lunch. The plan: throw myself at him and convince him to leave his boyfriend for me. Failing that, convince him to resume cheating on his boyfriend with me. But five minutes into lunch, I realized I wasn’t attracted to him anymore. It wasn’t that I couldn’t get over him during those two years, SMO, but that my ego wouldn’t let me get over being dumped. With that realization, the spell broke. We ate our sandwiches and said our goodbyes. Maybe you’ll have the same spell-breaking experience when you run into this woman in a professional setting? If not, keep trying the gym, movies, dating, etc. until the spell breaks or your life ends, whichever comes first.
You can follow Shadi Petosky on Twitter @shadipetosky.
On the Savage Lovecast, family law for the polyamorous: savagelovecast.com.
mail@savagelove.net @fakedansavage on Twitter
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