The Stranger Vol. 23, No. 16

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STUDY GUIDE

Questions for The Stranger, Volume 23, Issue 16

1. In the news section, GOLDY champions a hopeless proposal to create a state-run bank to handle funds raised in the marijuana business. Since Goldy has expressed very little opinion on the matter of the legalization of marijuana, it’s fairly easy to deduce that it’s not the marijuana that attracts him to this plan—he’s drawn in by the fact that it’s a lost cause. If you’ll pardon the dangling preposition, from Darcy Burner’s endless campaigns for any public office at all to a Hindenburgian quest for state funding for higher education, Goldy has never met a quixotic cause he did not start relentlessly humping the leg of. On a separate sheet of paper, propose a public program that is so wildly unlikely that Goldy could not help falling in love with it. (Examples: a proposal to ban all gun sales in the United States, a program to bestow upon every Democratic voter a red panda and a nice ham sandwich, a national Hug a Hygiene-Challenged Middle-Aged Blogger Day.) Send your proposal to Goldy and watch him fall for it hook, line, and sinker. Wasn’t that fun?

2. DAN SAVAGE has written an overlong, self-important “review” of the introduction to Sarah Palin’s new book about Christmas. In the introduction to his own latest book, American Savage, Savage writes “Very few people read introductions… It seems that most readers skip the introduction and go straight to the first chapter and start reading the actual book. So it doesn’t matter what I say here.” Do you think it’s fair that Savage reviewed a part of the book that by his own admission doesn’t even matter? Could you imagine the nightmare of bruised-ego Slog posts and Twitter bullying that would unfold were a Christian to review solely the introduction of Savage’s book? Why does Savage seem to enjoy wallowing in his own hypocrisy like this? Does professional self-victimization pay off that well, after all?

3. Meanwhile, in the music section, a person named DANIELLE HENDERSON makes her Stranger-writing debut by proclaiming the importance of a self-titled album by the singer Beyoncé. A certain amount of hyperventilation over popular culture is to be expected from easily excitable writers with a word count and a nagging hyperbole addiction to feed, but the album was released last week, and the rest of the world has moved on. Wouldn’t this piece have been better as a blog post to be scanned and forgotten immediately, rather than a mummified print piece that now feels as stale as a glowing Lawrence Welk profile? Why did The Stranger decide that anyone should care about this “news”? Can you even remember as far back as last week? Check your Twitter feed and see if you even relate to the person who wrote those posts anymore. How does that make you feel?

COVER ART

Flowers and Fabric 1 by JENNIFER ZWICK jenniferzwick.com

Now showing at SAM Gallery—along with Troy Gua’s Hybrid—through Jan 19.

23, Issue Number 16 December 18–24, 2013 THE STRANGER 1535 11th Avenue, Third Floor, Seattle, WA 98122 VOICE (206) 323-7101 FAX (206) 323-7203 SALES FAX (206) 325-4865 HOURS Mon–Fri, 9 am–5:30 pm E-MAIL editor@thestranger.com Find podcasts, videos, blogs, MP3s, free classifieds, personals, contests, sexy ads, and more on The Stranger’s website.

LAST DAYS

The Week in Review

BY DAVID SCHMADER

MONDAY, DECEMBER 9

This week of illiterate arms, remorseful drunks, and murderous newlyweds kicks off with a pervy blast from the not-too-distant past. Our subject: Bob Filner, the 71-year-old politician who gained notoriety as the mayor of San Diego after he was slathered with accusations of inappropriate conduct and, like a thin, Southern Californian proto–Rob Ford, refused to relinquish his mayoral powers. (Eventually they locked him out of City Hall and he stepped down.)

REMEMBER ME?

Today brought the legal reckoning for former mayor Filner’s misdeeds, which allegedly involved the kissing and groping of nearly 20 women, ranging from a retired navy officer to a great-grandmother volunteering at City Hall. Charged with one felony count of false imprisonment and two misdemeanor counts of battery, Filner was sentenced to three months of home confinement and three years of probation. “When he was mayor of San Diego, Bob Filner waited to be alone with women to kiss, grope, and manhandle them without any witnesses, according to a probation officer’s report released after he was sentenced Monday to home confinement,” reports the Associated Press. Filner “apolo-

innocent and guilty.

STUDS SUCK

To all you studded-tire folks: If you only knew how much damage your precious studs cost us taxpayers, you probably would think twice about buying them. They don’t help 99 percent of the time. The state patrol does not recommend them because they actually increase the stopping distance on wet pavement, which is 99 percent of the time in Seattle during the winter months. It’s a waste of money, it’s hard on the pavement, and, worst of all, I hate the sound of your stupid four-wheel-drive SUV grinding its way through a parking lot with four studded tires on bare pavement when the only snow or ice is 50 miles away on Snoqualmie Pass. You are a paranoid bunch of suburban dwellers who have never been east of the mountains where studded tires are for pussies. And if you can’t drive in some inclement weather, then leave your four-wheel-drive SUV in the heated parking garage and take the bus.

gized and told the judge he would try to earn the trust of those he betrayed and recover his integrity—a sharp contrast to his defiant resignation speech nearly four months ago in which he said he was the victim of ‘a lynch mob’… The former 10-term congressman cannot seek or hold elected office while on probation and will be monitored by GPS during home confinement, which begins January 1.”

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 10 Meanwhile in South Africa, President Obama and an array of world leaders gathered in Johannesburg to eulogize Nelson Mandela, only to be totally upstaged by a fake sign-language interpreter, who stood feet from Obama and waved his arms and hands in a nonsensical fashion while the president delivered his eulogy. “Shame on this male so-called interpreter on the stage,” wrote deaf South African parliament member Wilma Newhoudt on Twitter during the memorial service. “What is he signing? He knows that the deaf cannot vocally boo him off. Shame on him!”

“LIAR!”

As the week progresses, the fake interpreter—identified as Thamsanqa Jantjie—will confess to being in a dreamlike trance during Obama’s speech. Worse, he’ll be identified as one of a group of people who allegedly executed two suspected thieves by placing tires around their necks and setting the tires on fire. (“Jantjie never went to trial for the 2003 killings when other suspects did in 2006 because authorities determined he was not mentally fit to stand trial,” reports CBC News.)

•• In lighter dishonoring-the-memory-ofNelson-Mandela news, the week continues with Toto , the 1980s soft-rock band whose all-Caucasian members squirmed along with the rest of the world as their soulful lounge anthem “Africa” was used as a soundtrack for CBS This Morning’s coverage of Nelson Mandela’s memorial. As Toto’s David Paich told the Hollywood Reporter, “As the cowriter of the song, if I had been asked for sync approval, the answer would have been a decline with a recommendation they honor the musicians of South Africa, setting their sights on indigenous repertoire.”

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 11

The week continues with a legal reckoning for a notorious Northwest villain: Jamie W. Larson, the 50-year-old Federal Way man who made headlines last autumn when he attacked a Sikh cab driver in a drunken rage. “Larson, who seriously injured the man during the vicious beating, apparently believed the Sikh driver to be Muslim,” reports Seattlepi.com.

“Larson tore out chunks of the man’s beard, loosened one of the driver’s teeth, and caused internal injuries which saw the Indian immigrant hospitalized for eight days and miss[ing] two months of work. During the attack, Larson shouted hateful comments about Arabs, Persians, and, more generally, Muslims.” Which brings us to yesterday’s sentencing hearing, where Larson was given three and a half years in prison on federal hate-crime charges. “I have no excuse,” said Larson in his letter to the court. “I chose to drink. My actions could have resulted in [the man’s] death… An innocent man goes to work to provide for his family,

WIN A FABULOUS CANADIAN GETAWAY!

MACKLEMORE & RYAN

LEWIS PEARL JAM HOLIDAY CHARITY CHALLENGE! VS.SLOG

IVS.

n case you haven’t heard, Seattle’s greatest hometown heroes—that’s Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, Pearl Jam, and (of course!) The Stranger’s elf-powered blog, Slog—have joined forces this holiday season to raise money for YouthCare’s Orion Center Together, we can keep our city’s homeless youth safely fed, clothed, and sheltered for the next year—these kids are literally surviving day to day. YouthCare also takes them forward, with help with permanent housing, education, and jobs—help that no one else is going to give.

The question is: Whose fans will do the most to help our homeless youth? As of press time, we’ve raised $85,266.76 of our $100,000 goal! And as of press time, Slog is not in the lead with, um, $9,903.35 raised. But that’s okay! There’s still plenty of time (until December 24) for Slog fans to pull ahead and CRUSH Macklemore & Ryan Lewis fans and Pearl Jam fans, proving that Slog fans are the best fans EVAAAARRR!

DONATE to YouthCare’s Orion Center now:

• Macklemore & Ryan Lewis fans: GO TO youthcare.org/Macklemore TO DONATE!

• Pearl Jam fans: GO TO youthcare.org/PearlJam TO DONATE!

• Slog fans: GO TO youthcare.org/Slog TO DONATE!

Need an incentive to give, there, Grinchy? Our lovely neighbors to the north are here to light a polite fire under your ass. Canada, aka America’s Hat™, has donated a weekend getaway for two in beautiful Victoria, BC, including round-trip transportation from Port Townsend on the scenic Coho Ferry, a two-night stay at the historic and awesome Fairmont Empress Hotel, and two passes to the Victoria Butterfly Gardens (sounds festive!). Thanks, Canada! We will totally take Rob Ford off your hands—he belongs down here, anyway.

How do you win the fabulous Canadian getaway? Just donate by noon on Friday, December 20 (any amount counts!), then forward your receipt to charity@thestranger. com and tell us in 100 words or less why Canada and butterflies are the greatest. The best reason wins! The winner will be announced Friday afternoon on Slog.

The Holiday Charity Challenge goes through December 24! Donate now, and find out whose fans are winning (and win more prizes yourself!) on Slog at slog.thestranger.com! Fa la la la la!

and is savagely beat down for no reason. I feel frustration and am angry at myself. What is wrong with me?”

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 12 Speaking of courtroom confessions, today brings some closure to the case of Jordan Linn Graham, the Montana newlywed accused of shoving her new husband off a cliff to his death last summer, who today confessed to shoving her new husband off a cliff to his death last summer. “I just pushed,” said Graham today in court, as she pleaded guilty to second-degree murder Describing her crime to the court, Graham explained how she and her husband of eight days were hiking through Glacier National Park in July and got into a disagreement. “The newlywed couple was arguing when he grabbed her and she told him, ‘Let go,’” reports CNN, summing up Graham’s allocution. “She thought he was going to hold her down. She put one hand on his back and another on his shoulder and then pushed him face-first to his death, she told the court.” The 22-year-old Graham now faces a sentence between 19.5 years and life in prison, with her sentencing scheduled for March 27.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 13 In worse news, the week continues in Centennial, Colorado, where today an armed and disgruntled student took over Arapahoe High School, where he set off an explosive device and opened fire with a shotgun, seriously wounding a fellow student before fatally shooting himself. (Karl Halversen Pierson, 18, “legally purchased the

shotgun he used to wound his schoolmate and kill himself,” reports the New York Daily News. “He bought the weapon December 6.”)

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 14 The week continues with an appropriately solemn funeral for Nelson Mandela, whose flag-draped coffin was laid to rest in Qunu, South Africa, in a ceremony free of both fake interpreters and the songs of Toto.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 15 The week ends with another dazzling win for the Seattle Seahawks , who clobbered the New York Giants 23–0 in what KIRO identified as “the last road game of the regular season.” Go Hawks!

Send hot tips to lastdays@thestranger.com, and follow me on Twitter @davidschmader.

Say no to Toto at THESTRANGER.COM/SLOG

A State-Run Marijuana Bank

SIt Would Solve Two Problems at Once

BY GOLDY

tate senator Bob Hasegawa (D-11) has been championing a state-run bank for years, based on a successful state bank in North Dakota, and if you’ve been wondering what

he’s been smoking in pursuit of this seemingly quixotic effort, well, he may have just answered your question. The latest iteration of Hasegawa’s bill attempts to recast his proposed state bank as “the sole depository for in-state marijuana producers, processers, and retailers.”

It’s a clever hack on top of Hasegawa’s previous state bank proposal that provides all the benefits of helping state government while addressing a huge unmet need created by the passage of Initiative 502: the lack of access to legal banking services by Washington State’s large and growing legal marijuana industry.

“I run a legitimate business that is compliant with state law,” says Alex Cooley, vice president of Solstice, a marijuana grower. “Having full banking services would be of massive value.” Banks are reluctant to provide services to state-sanctioned marijuana businesses out of concern of running afoul of federal money-laundering laws— although there is no history of the Feds prosecuting banks for serving medical marijuana businesses. And some in the marijuana industry are reluctant to deposit large sums in banks out of fear of leaving their assets open to federal seizure.

tax revenue in the trust, although businesses would be free to use private banks if they chose. The state, rather than the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation, would guarantee deposits, providing additional protections from federal seizure, while profits from banking operations would be returned to the state. As a lending institution, the trust would also help the state with an additional mission to “facilitate investment in, and financing of, public infrastructure systems that will increase public health, safety, and quality of life, improve environmental conditions, and promote community vitality and economic growth.”

Its mission would be promoting health, safety, and the economy.

But the big news for marijuana businesses is that they would finally have a bank willing to serve them. “Oh God, I’d love that,” exclaimed one hashoil manufacturer, who insisted on remaining anonymous for fear of losing his current bank account. “We all have problems banking. I’d be able to trust people more. I wouldn’t feel like I could be robbed.”

The result is a largely cash-based business in a state industry that is projected to soon generate more than $2 billion of legal revenue a year. It’s not even clear that banks will accept deposits from the state of the $533 million a year in marijuana tax revenue Washington is expected to clear by 2015.

SB 5955 would address these problems by creating the “Washington publicly owned trust” to accept deposits from government agencies and legal marijuana businesses. The state would be required to deposit marijuana

In addition to services that most businesses take for granted, like credit card processing and lines of credit, Cooley says he is eager to free himself of the burdens that come with a cash business. To avoid flags that could freeze his account, Cooley limits cash deposits to less than $10,000 at a time and less than $20,000 a month. Which is difficult to do, Cooley explains, “when the majority of your customers are on an all-cash system.”

“Forcing us into an all-cash system makes us targets for crime,” Cooley explains, while making appropriate regulation difficult.

Hasegawa’s state pot bank would solve this. And if the legislature really wants to make I-502 work, it will finally give his state bank proposal the serious consideration it deserves.

Murray Spends More

The New Mayor Boosts Salaries for Top Staff at City Hall by Tens of Thousands of Dollars

BY ANNA MINARD

When Mayor-elect Ed Murray announced new staffers last week, one thing stood out: These new hires will be making a lot of money. And not just compared to a bunch of dropouts-turned-reporters working for an alternative weekly, either. Virtually all of his senior staff and new department heads will make substantially more than the comparable people they replace in the McGinn administration.

On average, Murray’s executive staff (deputy mayors, budget director, and communications director) will make $29,000 more per year than those holding equivalent positions under Mayor Mike McGinn. It’s an average of 21 percent more a year based on current salaries.

One, pushed by the Seattle Times, is that McGinn hired inexperienced people, while Murray’s better picks simply deserve more.

Wrote Seattle Times’ Lynn Thompson of Murray’s announcement, “The hires represent a sharp contrast with those of departing Mayor Mike McGinn, who initially filled his executive team with campaign workers and activists with little experience in city government.”

Murray transition team cochair Dwight Dively notes that McGinn had to hire during the recession and thus “was able to hire people at lower salaries,” but he says the differential also represents “different philosophies about the type of individuals it takes to run a large, complex government.”

Understandably, the implication that his ragtag crew just didn’t have enough experience to earn big bucks rankles McGinn, who says by phone that his staff “viewed it as a privilege to work on behalf of the city” and did a “great job” dealing with a tough economy.

On average, top staff

Murray’s two deputy mayors will each make $170,000 a year, while the current one, Darryl Smith, earns just over $129,000. New budget director Ben Noble, coming to the mayor’s office from the city council’s central staff? He’ll also make $170,000, even though outgoing budget genius Beth Goldberg made $152,584 this year. Boosts in salaries continue down the ranks. For example, the city’s Office for Civil Rights director, Julie Nelson, doesn’t quite make $113,000 a year, but her replacement, Patricia Lally, will draw a salary of $151,000—almost $40,000 more.

This has started some fun new memes among journalists and political nerds (aside from the obvious “Why didn’t we go into politics, because holy shit is that a lot of money”).

To Serve and Reject?

City Hall Could Push Away the SPD’s Best Option for a Chief

BY DOMINIC HOLDEN

Mayor-elect Ed Murray and the Seattle City Council recently spent $30,000 on a law-enforcement adviser who flew to town on December 9 for several important dates, including a meeting with the interim police chief, Jim Pugel. In their meeting, the adviser had a stunning message: He reportedly told Pugel he will be ineligible for the permanent position of chief, according to three sources at city hall familiar with the discussion who provided information on the condition of anonymity.

Why? According to the sources, the adviser, Bernard Melekian, said the council wants the chief to be hired from outside the department—not from within the ranks, as the city did with its last police chief, John Diaz, who was criticized throughout his tenure for failing to rein in and discipline bad officers. Compounding the memory of Diaz’s poor leadership, the entire council is up for reelection in 2015, and they must appear strong on police reform (the SPD is under a federal court order to quash a pattern of misconduct), the sources attest to Melekian saying. Appointing an outsider will show that the council is reforming the SPD.

But the implication of a subpar staff doesn’t stand up to scrutiny—Nelson has worked for the city for decades; Goldberg came from King County’s budget office. There were certainly some scruffy campaign volunteers on McGinn’s staff, but that’s not a real explanation for the salary differentials.

There’s one more important thing at work here: While Murray touts his Office of Policy and Innovation as a “major staffing innovation,” as if the idea for such an office was his own brainchild, there was, of course, a policy office before McGinn—it was slashed by the council (which was at loggerheads with McGinn his entire term) before he was even sworn in, along with $500,000 in mayoral staffing money. After Murray was elected, the council, most of whom endorsed Murray, added $750,000 in mayoral policy staffing. Just a coincidence, we’re sure.

This raises a problem: Seattle wants the best chief possible—as good as Pugel or better. But if Pugel is the best candidate available, yet we pick another candidate based solely on his or her status as an outsider, Seattle won’t get the best.

Nonetheless, many political insiders are fine with this. An op-ed in the Seattle Times last week by attorney David A. Perez (a member of Murray’s transition ream) and former prosecutor Maurice Classen declared that Murray should “choose an outsider.” It’s also widely known that Council Member Tim Burgess opposes an insider and is backing a bill that would let an outside chief import staff from other cities. Given two opportunities, Burgess refused to comment.

Their reasoning is simple. Any cop who currently works for the SPD “has been part of the problem, so they can’t be part of the solution—that’s the logic flow,” explains Council Member Bruce Harrell, who chairs the council’s public safety committee. But Harrell dismisses that argument as “too superficial.”

“To automatically exclude Pugel because of his experience is, to me, shortsighted,” Harrell says. “I think he needs to be evaluated in the context of other people.”

A request to speak with Melekian, who will get another lucrative contract in 2014 to help lead the search for a new chief, was denied by Murray’s staff. But Murray went on the record to say that he remains open-minded and Melekian doesn’t make the final decision.

“I don’t know if an inside or outside

TIGER HEALTH

candidate is a preference,” Murray said. “I said during the campaign that I would conduct a national search for chief and that includes Seattle.”

Murray also says he may ask Pugel to step down from his role as interim chief if he wants to apply for the permanent job. That raises concerns, however, that a placeholder would be a lame-duck chief who cannot implement reform while the search is conducted in 2014.

Anyone who considers this article advocacy for Pugel misses the point. (Full

Let Adults Grow Three Plants Each

The State Is Already Amending the Pot Law, so It Should Do This, Too

BY BEN LIVINGSTON

I

n October, The Stranger broke the news that state regulators had a plan to repeal most of Washington State’s voter-approved 1998 medical marijuana law, a deal that included prohibiting patients from growing plants at home. Patients voiced outrage, of course. The state liquor board, which was in on the strategy, has since taken a baby step backward, suggesting patients could grow three mature plants instead of the 15 currently allowed.

Pardon me if this sounds ungrateful, but what the hell are state regulators thinking?

Voters didn’t declare a new war on medical cannabis growers when they passed Initiative 502, which legalized recreational pot. Legislators should not change cultivation rules for patients at all. Suggesting we send police and prosecutors after the sick and dying—who grow cannabis with a doctor’s recommendation—is not just immoral, it is the opposite of what voters wanted. They wanted an end

SOURCES SAY

• On December 17, Boeing announced that its regular quarterly dividend will increase by roughly 50 percent, even as the profitable company demands its unionized Washington employees give up their pensions in exchange for keeping their jobs—that is, the employees Boeing hasn’t already fired. “Congratulations! This is going to be one of the last e-mails that I ever send from my Boeing e-mail account,” 26-year-veteran employee Richard Webb wrote to The Stranger on December 13. “While Boeing has been promising (?) that they might keep (some) jobs in Washington if the machinists accept their ‘offer,’ I’m one of 1,200 people that are being laid off today… And that pension? That’s the only thing that will keep me alive for three and a half more years until I can access my 401K account without penalty.”

• Unless there’s a coup in January, the Seattle City Council has decided who will lead the most powerful committees. Most interesting: Tim Burgess is headed for the council presidency, Mike O’Brien will not be chairing the transportation committee he so desperately wants (he gets the byzantine land-use committee), and Sally “There Are Three Sides to Every Coin” Clark will

disclosure: Pugel was my babysitter when I was an infant, a period before I have memories. But he was not the source of this story.) Pugel’s record speaks for itself—he’s been a leader on progressive policing, admitted department mistakes, and recently demoted subordinates who were obstacles to reform— and he deserves a fair evaluation. If someone better comes along, we should hire them. But the rampant advocacy to dismiss Pugel without comparing him to others in the field would be bad policy that puts political showboating ahead of picking a good chief.

to prohibition and a means to undercut an illegal drug market.

Which is why all adults should be allowed to grow three pot plants at home, even if they are not medical marijuana patients.

That would mirror Colorado’s legalization law. Moreover, we actually need more marijuana than regulations currently allow.

As Seattle city attorney Pete Holmes pointed out in a letter to state regulators on December 3, onerous restrictions on pot stores mean there won’t be enough retail outlets to meet Seattle’s demand. Right now, only 21 stores will be allowed in the entire city. “We urge you to award at least 50 such retail licenses initially,” Holmes wrote. He wasn’t calling for home growing, but he should be—because that’s another way we can make legalization work and undercut the illegal pot market.

This would be like home-brewing beer, which is legal. Fermenting a keg isn’t a threat to the state’s sin taxes—ostensibly the liquor board’s concern—and a few pot plants in our windows wouldn’t either.

Some lawmakers will argue that voters didn’t intend to allow home gardens, but that’s a specious argument. Many lawmakers in Olympia support changing the law to vacate marijuana misdemeanors and to license medical pot shops. If they’re already changing the pot law to be more practical, they should make another practical change by allowing all adult recreational users to grow three plants each.

chair a committee on human services and economic development, where a muchanticipated bill on a $15 minimum wage is likely to land. Newcomer Kshama Sawant, as had been widely rumored, will head up the City Light committee, where she will literally seize the means of production for the power to the people. Confirmation is scheduled for January 6.

• Get busted for smoking pot in public, and you’ll soon be subject to a $27 fine, the same fine you’d pay for drinking in public. Council Member Nick Licata’s measured legislation on the subject passed on Monday, enshrining a city pot-smoking ticket into law along with a host of cautionary measures—the bill requires SPD to track the demographics of who they issue tickets to, mentions that pot enforcement is still cops’ lowest priority, and says offenders should get a first warning instead of a ticket

• We’re also one step closer to a more regulated rideshare market—sorry Lyft, Sidecar, and Uber. The city council’s finally gotten around to drafting some legislation. The draft language looks to limit the number of cars in operation for each company (100) and the number of hours per week each car can operate (16), set up some inspection for these cars (though not at the level of taxis or for-hire cars), and force the businesses to pay for annual business licenses (around $50,000), among other regulations.

PROPERTY MANAGEMENT

My

Standoff with

a

Landlord After I Kept Getting Rent-Increase Notices in Violation of My Lease

BY MARTI JONJAK

My life hasn’t been all cupcakes and limousines since my article “The Rent Hike” was published in The Stranger last January. That piece described what happened when my apartment building at 20th and Madison was bought by a new company, and the new property managers, Pacific Living Properties (PLP), began to remodel and serve alarmingly steep rent increases to tenants, in some cases doubling the rents. In the months after that piece was published, all the tenants would move out.

Except for me. The days went weirdly by, jammed with laborers and roving renovation entrepreneurs. Nights were especially rough. The building is enormous, and all the gutted units gave it a lonesome, postapocalyptic vibe. But I stuck around anyway, waiting out my 13-month lease.

My rent was fixed under its protection, but that didn’t stop PLP from administering a series of rent-increase notices that I understood to be in violation of tenant laws. Every couple months, I’d get a notice taped to my door or delivered by e-mail. (I didn’t know this then, but to have legal bearing, rentincrease notices must be served in person, or delivered with verifiable mail receipts. I don’t believe any of mine were. I certainly don’t remember signing for anything.) There were three notices in all, slating monthly $480 to $580 rent increases to begin before the expiration of my lease, and/or the notices failed to provide the proper 60-day notice, as required when housing costs increase 10 percent or more, as specified in Seattle’s Rental Agreement Regulation Ordinance. As I mentioned in my article last January, PLP rescinded the first increase after I mailed them a copy of my lease. The next two rent-hike notices occurred after that article was published. I’d contact PLP apartment manager Lorrie Bowen and/or regional manager Jason Alldredge explaining why I believed the notices were in violation, and neither would respond, so I continued to pay my previously agreedupon rent by the first of each month.

Perhaps this all wasn’t as bad as I thought it was, PLP CEO Jeff Miller told me during a face-to-face interview after I’d moved out. The unanswered e-mails or phone calls to Bowen and Alldredge demonstrated the virtues of his company, he said: “When you showed them they made a mistake, they did not try to force the issue. They rescinded it, by not responding.”

Miller’s view aside, I found it profoundly disquieting to get repeatedly hit up at random and then left in the dark. Returning home from work every day, I braced myself for whatever might be taped to my apartment door. Shit would only continue to get real. Bowen confronted me on my building’s lawn

one afternoon, saying the company decided I owed them money, and a three-day pay-orvacate notice was looming. “We’ve given you three rent increases, and you’ve ignored them all,” she said, from what I remember.

“But none have been legal,” I said. I felt both rushed and clogged inside, trying to control that conversation. I showed her a notice and pointed to the effective date,

fucked, with only two options: pay them the money or pack up everything I own in three days and get out.

Opting to do nothing was not a choice. Even though I believed PLP was in the wrong, ignoring this notice would have been deeply reckless. If a three-day pay-or-vacate notice is properly served, property managers can file an eviction action against you, also known as an “unlawful detainer,” with very little evidence, said Jim Metz, the City of Seattle’s owner/tenant assistance supervisor at the Department of Planning and Development (DPD). This can suggest you’ve failed to pay rent and you’ve failed to respond to a threeday pay-or-vacate notice. “Once it’s filed in court, this becomes public record,” said Metz. “It’s so deadly to tenants because the record doesn’t go away, even if the case is dismissed. The fact that it was even filed becomes a mark against your current tenancies.” If you were applying for apartments, this eviction summons “would appear during screening processes, and in a tough rental market, you’d

I don’t remember signing for them. Bowen did not produce the receipts, and soon after, she rescinded the three-day pay-or-vacate notice, left me a voice-mail apology, and fully refunded my security deposit.

I moved to another Capitol Hill apartment, a two-bedroom I now share with a roommate. It’s smaller, but the rent is the same as it was in my old one-bedroom, so I can afford to stay on the hill (for now). I’m relieved I escaped PLP and their constant hassles, though I was compelled to hear their side. Bowen declined to be interviewed for this article. Alldredge did not respond to my voice mail requesting an interview. But as I said, CEO Jeff Miller did talk to me, and he went so far as to say: “I think based on what I’ve heard about your experience, I can understand why it’d be negative. I apologize for that. You shouldn’t have gone through it.”

“I felt your company was bullying me,” I said.

“If that’s in fact what happened, that’s not the same as bullying somebody… What I would say is [my company] made a series of mistakes, but your rent was never actually increased, and you chose to move out. Were you charged the higher rent? No. In the end, they did not charge you the higher rent.” Miller is correct, in a way. I did move out on my own accord, even if it’s because I was exhausted by the repeated and powerfully

Returning home from work every day, I braced myself for whatever might be taped to my apartment door.

stressful sessions with PLP that threatened my housing and left me scrambling to prove my innocence or face serious consequences. Although companies like PLP can’t always collect money from sloppily administered rent increases and verbal warnings and three-day pay-or-vacate notices, they’re still free to administer as many as they want:

“There’s nothing practical that would stop it. It doesn’t serve tenants well, but it’s not against the law,” said Metz.

slated to begin before my lease’s expiration.

“I’m just the messenger,” she said again and again, suggesting that my proof made no difference. I remember calling Alldredge that evening and getting no response. I then emailed Bowen and Alldredge the next day; again, no response.

So I waited, because I didn’t know what else to do. The promised three-day pay-orvacate notice arrived a couple weeks later. The balance showed $1,010. I was sure I was

probably lose good opportunities,” potentially confining one’s living options to sublets or bad locations or seedy apartments.

Being a Capitol Hill–based renter with no long-term home-owning prospects, such a filing could be my doom. Immediately after I received the notice, I spoke with DPD staff, who corresponded with Bowen directly and requested the notices’ proofs of service. From my understanding, Bowen claimed she’d sent them all through certified mail, though, again,

“What would you recommend for tenants in a similar situation?” I asked.

“If you get into a dispute with your landlord that could potentially threaten your housing, you need to address it immediately. Don’t assume an internet search is going to turn up the right answers. Call us. If I knew about us, I’d call us,” said Metz. He’s at 6150808.

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Good Grief and Great Tits

Sitting Down to Read Sarah Palin’s Christmas Book While I Bake Christmas Cookies for My Family By Dan Savage

There’s something I should probably come clean about at the start of this piece. I didn’t read the whole thing— but why should I have to read the whole thing? Lord knows Sarah Palin didn’t write the whole thing.

Another confession: I haven’t even started to read the thing.

I’ve been carting Sarah Palin’s new book around with me for weeks. My copy of Good Tidings and Great Joy: Protecting the Heart of Christmas has accompanied me to work and to the gym and back home again. This book has been to bars in four states, it’s been stuffed in the lockers of three gyms, it’s been stowed under the seat in front of me on six flights—it’s even been to a kink-world-famous dungeon in San Francisco that I recently toured for professional reasons. (You know how Jen Graves visits artists’ studios and Bethany Jean Clement eats in nice restaurants? It was like that, just with hooks in the ceiling.)

About the only place this book hasn’t been is in my hands, open and upright, with my eyes pointed at it. But that’s about to change. Because I’m going to read this book in 20-minute bursts over the next eight hours. Why 20-minute bursts? Because that’s how long it takes for a batch of my mother’s Slog-famous Christmas Snowball cookies to bake. I’m going to put a tray in the oven, read, swap trays out, read some more.

And I think it’s fair to say that by the end of the day today—after all my Christmas cookies are baked—I will have read more of this book than Sarah Palin wrote.

10–10:20 AM Palin dedicates the book to her mother and father. “It’s fun to watch you live like every day is Christmas,” Palin writes on the dedication page. “Our world needs more of that.”

Ma and Pa Palin don’t “keep Christmas in their hearts” all year long, à la Dickens, they live every day like it’s Christmas. And the world needs more of that? Really? Does it? I

Sarah surprised Todd with a “nice, needed, powerful gun” last Christmas.

like Christmas—I love Christmas (my Christmas cookies are in the oven right now!)—but wouldn’t it drain December 25 of all its specialness if you left the tree up 365 days a year? And every morning began with presents? And are Christmas-like levels of mass consumption sustainable on a daily basis?

Jesus. Look at me. I’m being ridiculous. I’m nitpicking. I haven’t even gotten to the first page of the actual book and I’m arguing with Sarah Palin. And I just took the Lord’s name in vain. This is the effect Palin has on liberals. She’s the ultimate right-wing troll.

And that’s why Palin will never have to do an honest day’s work again in her life.

Turning the page…

Here’s a picture of Sarah Palin’s grandson—who for a time was the most famous fetus on the planet (2008, Republican National Convention)—and a quote:

“‘All this for me? And I wasn’t even very good!’

—My grandson, Tripp Easton Mitchell [Johnston], upon seeing the presents beneath the Christmas tree, 2012”

All this for me—and I wasn’t even that good. Translate that into Latin and it could be on the Palin family’s coat of arms.

10:20–10:40 AM

Okay… I’m diving into the actual book. God help me.

Hey, it turns out that Sarah Palin and I have something in common: Sarah bakes for her family at Christmas. Me too! Sarah bakes cinnamon rolls on Christmas Day; I bake apple cakes. That’s nice. Humanizing even. I have to say that, here on page 2, Palin is coming across as very nearly warm-blooded. That didn’t last.

Page 5: Here I learn something I didn’t know and, if I were Sarah Palin, something I wouldn’t want anyone to know. But Sarah hustles this fact to the front of the book because she sure as hell wants us to know it: Sarah surprised Todd with a “nice, needed, powerful gun” for Christmas in 2012. It was a “small act of civil disobedience,” Palin writes, prompted by “the antigun chatter coming from Washington.”

What was inspiring that anti-gun chatter in Washington in December of 2012? Oh, right: Twenty children and six teachers were shot dead in their classrooms by a deranged asshole with a “powerful gun.” And before the grieving mothers and fathers of Newtown, Connecticut, could put their dead children in the ground, Sarah Palin ran out gun shopping. Buying Todd a gun in the wake of the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary was “fun,” Palin writes—and, again, an act of “civil disobedience.” Because gun nuts are a persecuted minority.

This paragraph about gun shopping in December of 2012—one first grader at Sandy Hook was shot 11 times—ends with Palin bragging about her tits. I’m not kidding.

Okay, I have to put the book down. I’m five pages into Good Tidings and Great Joy and… Jesus Fucking Christ… I have got to put down this toxic little shitstain of a book. I’m going to go wash my eyes out with hydrogen peroxide. Be right back.

11–11:20 AM

So…

I’m still deep in the weeds of the introduction, which is mostly about the special awesomeness that is a Palin Family Christmas: cinnamon buns in the oven, grandchildren

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playing in the snow, powerful guns and high-capacity ammo clips under the tree. But the Palin family’s Christmas is in danger. Storm clouds are gathering. Sarah fears her family won’t be able to “joyfully and openly celebrate” Christmas with fresh-baked cinnamon rolls and guns powerful enough to murder 20 first graders in five minutes. Years of “relentless attacks” on Christmas—people saying “happy holidays” instead of “merry Christmas,” the ACLU insisting that the First Amendment (“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion”) applies just like the Second Amendment—are threatening to “drain the joy from our public spaces as well as from our minds and hearts.”

What a fucking drama queen.

There are lots of Americans out there whose religious holidays aren’t also national holidays. The country doesn’t shut down— and public spaces aren’t turned into temples—on Yom Kippur or Diwali or Naw-Ruz. Now, either Jews, Hindus, and Zoroastrians are made of stronger stuff than Sarah Palin… or Sarah Palin is a shit-talking pimp who makes money playing to the carefully cultivated persecution complexes of conservative Christian rubes who wouldn’t know what religious persecution was if it sat on their faces and shit in their mouths. (Maybe that’s not an either/or.)

And if I may: Gay people have been persecuted for years, for centuries, for motherfucking millennia. Really persecuted, primarily by people of faith. And our persecution didn’t take the form of straight people wishing us well but failing to use precisely the right phrase. No, we were burned at the stake, arrested, imprisoned, committed, lobotomized, thrown out of our homes, and fired from our jobs; our children were taken from us, our partners were barred from our hospital rooms during medical emergencies, and on and on and on. And yet… somehow… the joy of giving and receiving blowjobs wasn’t drained from our minds and hearts.

If centuries of persecution didn’t ruin blowjobs for gay people, Sarah, “happy holidays” isn’t going to destroy anyone’s Christmas.

By the way, the persecution of gay people by people of faith continues: Gay sex was recriminalized in India last week after a coalition of Muslim and Christian organizations, among others, asked the Indian Supreme Court to overturn a lower court ruling that had legalized consensual gay sex. People will go to prison.

Someone wished you “happy holidays” at the mall, Sarah? Cry us a fucking river.

11:40 AM–12 PM

Still slogging through the intro.

Secularists have a vision for Christmas— and Sarah doesn’t care for it, not one bit.

“The other vision is a secular winter festival, which launches on Black Friday and ends sometime after Kwanzaa. People who hold Christmas in contempt believe the holiday can be ‘saved’ from its religious heritage. The secular vision wants the ‘peace’ and the ‘goodwill toward men’ without the miracle of the Virgin Birth—forgetting, of course, that there is no ultimate peace apart from Christ, and it is Christ who empowers every act of ‘goodwill toward men’ in our otherwise fallen hearts.”

Two things:

1. Who holds Christmas in contempt? Who? Where are these people? I’m a secular humanist—there’s an award from the Freedom from Religion Foundation on my mantel just inches from my Christmas tree—and here I am, at home on a Saturday morning, baking Christmas cookies for my family. Not holiday cookies. Christmas cookies. I’ll be taking some across the street to share with my Jewish neighbors later today. They love Christmas. And no one is trying to “save” Christmas from its heritage. We have a

crèche for the baby Jesus and strings of lights for the Roman god Saturn. We honor Christmas’s religious heritage—the Christian and non-Christian bits.

2. You read it here first: No Jew—or Muslim or Hindu or Buddhist or atheist—ever performed a kind, loving, or selfless act. Or if a Jew ever did such a thing, that Jew was “empowered” to do so by Christ. Unwittingly inspired. And no human being ever performed a kind, loving, or selfless act before Christ was born.

I just threw Sarah Palin’s book across the room—no, scratch that. I just threw it clear across the house. If our front door had been open, her book would’ve sailed across the street and onto our Jewish neighbor’s porch across the street.

Sorry, gang, but I gotta take another hydrogen peroxide break.

12:40–12:42 PM

“Terry? Where’s Sarah Palin’s book? It was by the front door.”

“I threw it away. I’m sick of listening to you rant about it. And you could’ve hit me with it when you hurled it across the room. So now it’s gone.”

“I have to finish my review!”

“Well, you can’t.”

“I only read the introduction!”

“So just review the introduction!”

“I love you, Terry.”

1–1:20 PM

I was never a “happy holidays” guy. Christmas was a big deal in my home growing up, and it’s a big deal in the home I share with Terry. December is Christmas. I’ve always wished people “merry Christmas” without really giving it a thought. Ho-ho-ho.

But that’s over now.

Sarah Palin and Bill O’Reilly and Fox News and the Family Research Council and the woman who allegedly punched another woman outside Walmart earlier this week for saying “happy holidays” instead of “merry Christmas” managed to break me of the “merry Christmas” habit. I suspect I’m not alone. This constant bitching from the right about “happy holidays”—a perfectly lovely expression that embraces Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, Pancha Ganapati, New Year’s Eve, New Year’s Day, Hanukkah, the Epiphany, Saint Nicholas’s Day, Hogmanay, Twelfth Night, and Kwanzaa— has made one thing clear. Not that there is now, or ever was, a war on Christmas. But that saying “merry Christmas” is an asshole move. Just as conservatives made patriotism toxic during the Vietnam War by conflating it with blind obedience to authority (“My country, right or wrong!”), modern conservatives have made “merry Christmas” toxic by associating it with Christian fundamentalism, religious intolerance, and the politics of imagined persecution.

Unfortunately, the war on Christmas is a game Palin and O’Reilly and Fox News and the Family Research Council can’t lose. The more they complain about people saying “happy holidays” instead of “merry Christmas,” the fewer people will say “merry Christmas.” This will be held up as proof that the war on Christmas is real. But people like me aren’t replacing “merry Christmas” with “happy holidays” to be “politically correct,” as Palin insists in the introduction to her stupid book, we’re doing it because we don’t want people to think we’re assholes

So happy fucking holidays to you, Sarah. I hope you choke on a cinnamon bun.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to run some of these Christmas cookies over to the Jews across the street.

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STRANGER SUGGESTS

‘Hedwig and the Angry Inch’ THEATER

Balagan’s remounted Hedwig isn’t so much a full production of John Cameron Mitchell’s dramatic glam-rock musical as it is a rock ’n’ roll showcase for the awesome Jerick Hoffer, the Seattle-based performer best known as his RuPaul’s Drag Race–winning alter ego, Jinkx Monsoon. Banged out by Balagan’s crack band, the Hedwig compositions sound great live, and Hoffer rules the stage as he was born to do. (Moore Theatre, 1932 Second Ave, stgpresents.org, 7:30 pm, $30, through Dec 22) DAVID SCHMADER

TJ Max MUSIC

Roger Reeves BOOKS

It’s time to celebrate Roger Reeves’s debut poetry collection, King Me (sample passage: “The Mike Tyson in me sings like a narwhal/Minus the nasally twang of sleeping in a cold ocean”), which on its own would be a great reason to throw a party But Reeves’s publisher, Copper Canyon Press, is also inviting local poets to read and promising that “the first 100 RSVPs will receive a complimentary book of poetry at the door.” Since Sherman Alexie calls Copper Canyon the best poetry publisher in the US, this is kind of a huge deal. (Hugo House, 1634 11th Ave, hugohouse.org, 7 pm, free) PAUL CONSTANT

‘The Laurelton: No Place Like Home’

PERFORMANCE/ART

The dirty-cream-colored Laurelton building went up in 1928, and over the years it’s become the best dilapidated classic in the city, housing artist after artist, drawn to its underdog charm and prices. This show includes residents, former residents, and other artists they’ve slept with. You can guess who’s who, and tonight at Vermillion there’ll be performances and live music in addition to what’s on the walls. The list of artists is long, including Amos Miller, Kelly O, Ellen Forney, Jake Fennel, NKO, Stefan Gruber, Tessa Hulls, and Whitney Ford-Terry. After you leave, walk the few blocks up to 1820 16th Avenue and wave at the old lady herself (Vermillion, 1508 11th Ave, vermillionseattle.com, 4 pm–midnight, performances start at 7:30 pm, free) JEN GRAVES

In Seattle right now, a handful of musicians are renovating disco for these darker, more ominous times. Near the top of this 4/4-rhythmloving heap are TJ Max, consisting of Jayson Kochan and Timm Mason, bassist and guitarist, respectively, for psych-rock luminaries Midday Veil. As TJ Max, they get down to the important business of launching ye olde hedonistic disco into comet-laden regions of space, adding dozens more IQ points to it in the process. (Chop Suey, 1325 E Madison St, chopsuey.com, 9 pm, $10 adv/$12 DOS, 21+) DAVE SEGAL

Dancer and Prancer MUSIC

To borrow a factual statement from the Beach Boys: Christmas comes this time each year! Which also means it’s time for the talented Dancer and Prancer, Seattle’s best December-only band! Consisting of five snappily dressed jingle babes bearing the gift of holiday surfrock covers, Dancer and Prancer have been spreading winter joy for nearly seven years and have the art of Christmas down to a science. If you like snow, the Ventures, and/or dancing the night away, then grab a mistletoe-worthy someone and get to the Grotto— it’s the first day of winter, and you’re going to need some cheer. (Rendezvous Grotto, 2322 Second Ave, jewelboxtheater.com, 9 pm, $5, 21+) EMILY NOKES

The Music of ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’ JAZZ

It is one of the most beautiful pieces of jazz ever composed. Listening to it is like watching falling snow through a window. The room is warm, something is roasting in the oven, and outside, the flakes are falling faintly through the universe. This is where you want to be forever. This is Vince Guaraldi’s “Christmastime Is Here.” Tonight, the Piano Starts Here series, curated by Wayne Horvitz and Tim Kennedy, features music from Guaraldi’s score for the TV special (and American cultural institution) A Charlie Brown Christmas, with music performed by Dawn Clement, Chris McCarthy, Michael Stegner, and others. (Royal Room, 5000 Rainier Ave S, theroyalroomseattle.com, 5:30 pm, by donation, all ages) CHARLES MUDEDE

Laura Castellanos ART

A Hot Toddy CHEER

Borrowed Tribe wraps around your body when you go into the gallery. Its walls are lined with dolls, their hands close enough to link together, and you’re in the middle. Look closer and they break into specific selves, each made of sacred handme-downs and discarded socks given to Seattle artist Laura Castellanos, who tethers the unwanted to the cherished. Walking back into the center of the room, the group closes ranks again, a reminder of the condition of being on the inside or on the outside, part of the group or all alone and made of different stuff, as comforting and scary as either can be. (Gallery4Culture, 101 Prefontaine Pl S, galleries.4culture.org, 9 am–5 pm, free, through Dec 24) JEN GRAVES

Whether or not you’re expecting Santa to come down the chimney or Baby Jesus to be born (again?!), a hot toddy makes today more holly jolly. Just pour some bourbon in a mug (nice bourbon is arguably wasted here—Trader Joe’s brand works great), squeeze in some lemon juice, add a dollop of honey, then top it off with boiling water (about twice as much as the bourbon) and a slice of lemon for garnish. Stir and adjust to taste—more lemon, more honey, more bourbon. Optional (but arguably overkill): cinnamon stick, whole cloves. Merry whatever, friend! BETHANY JEAN CLEMENT

ARTS

ART Mortal Combat

LaToya Ruby Frazier, Levi’s, and Fierce Photography

BY JEN GRAVES

People love to shoot movies and ads in Braddock, Pennsylvania. From a certain angle, it is the perfect postapocalyptic backdrop. It’s where the new Christian Bale movie Out of the Furnace was shot, as well as parts of The Road. It’s the setting for the 2010 Levi’s “Go Forth to Work” campaign, featuring real residents in black-and-white photographs with the tagline “Everybody’s Work Is Equally Important.” For burnishing Braddock’s image and attracting new workers from “creative industries” to rehab old houses and buildings, the town’s Harvard-educated mayor, John Fetterman, has become a pop star. Held as an exemplar in many art and media circles, he wears a tattoo of his adopted town’s zip code on his arm. In Out of the Furnace, Christian Bale wears a tattoo in tribute to Fetterman’s tattoo. Fetterman also gets a tattoo every time somebody is murdered in Braddock while he’s mayor.

stayed. She was born in 1982. It made perfect sense when, as a teenager, she began photographing her family as a stand-in for the story of her town, including herself, her mother, and her grandmother at the center of her work. Her first exhibited works, made in her stately grandmother’s doll-crowded house, are modest, intimate, black-and-white additions to the American documentary tradition, with twists of feminism and performance that are sometimes playful and sometimes edgy. Her next series was a collaboration with her mother. The two women, wearing messy house clothes like they’re home sick, stare at the camera. Their bodies are Braddock’s body: The medical wires from yet another round of tests on her mother’s body echo the wires slithering out of Braddock’s excavator-bitten hospital seen halfway through demolition.

of protests on the streets, Frazier took to the skies. She was inspired by words from W.E.B. Dubois, who wrote, “Was there ever a nation… civilized from the bottom upward? Never; it is, ever was and ever will be from the top downward that culture filters.” Frazier got in a helicopter and shot her newest photographs. They’re full-color aerial views of the large-scale changes to Braddock, printed and displayed large at Seattle Art Museum. The shift in her approach is striking. The helicopter pictures continue to contain the signals of Frazier’s study of art history; in an interview at SAM, she named references from Vermeer—she loves the way he set women in rooms near the light of windows—to the Bauhaus’s László Moholy-Nagy. All three use tight visuals in the service of broad ideas.

LOOSE LIPS

BY STRANGER ARTS GOSSIP SQUAD

• A Budget rental truck containing seven paintings by Whiting Tennis was stolen early last Thursday morning from the parking lot at the Holiday Inn Express at Aurora and 145th. Greg Kucera Gallery is offering a reward for the art’s return. Kucera doesn’t believe the thieves took the truck to get the art. The truck was found in West Seattle on Sunday morning, according to SPD spokesman Mark Jamieson, but the art was not in it. “The question is now, what do they do to the art?” Kucera said. If you have information, call Greg Kucera Gallery at 624-0770.

• Meanwhile, Rodrigo Valenzuela, the visual artist who won a Stranger Genius Award this year, was robbed while sleeping in a house in Costa Rica, where he’s working on a new project. The thieves took four MacBooks, three iPhones, both of Valenzuela’s cameras (5D and Pentax 67), all his gear, memory cards, credit cards, passport, and green card—“all of my worldly possessions, as well as my livelihood.” He is dreading crossing borders back to the United States. (And police response in Costa Rica has been underwhelming, he said.) To restart his project Maria TV—“an experimental video/soap opera centered around Latina domestic workers (nannies, maids)” mixing interviews and reenactments by real workers with TV and film representations—he has an Indiegogo campaign. Donate at indiegogo.com/projects/ maria-tv.

• There were 120 canines in the audience at closing night of The Hound of the Baskervilles at Seattle Rep. Seconds into the show, the sight of a man in the dark holding a lantern immediately set the dogs barking—and the barking lasted a good two minutes. One actor had to turn his back to the audience to conceal his laughter. Gunfire, stage fighting, thunder, and howling-dog sound effects produced similar results. It was the third such Dogs’ Night Out the theater has hosted. And it was amazing.

• Rumor has it SIFF could be moving into the Egyptian Theater sometime in 2014, if talks with Seattle Central Community College continue as they’re going now. Fingers crossed!

LaToya Ruby Frazier: Born by a River Seattle Art Museum Through June 22

LaToya Ruby Frazier’s family goes back three generations in Braddock, spanning the entire 20th century. As the population plummeted from 20,000 to 2,000 between 1920 and 2010 due to toxic corporate citizenship, political neglect, the crack epidemic, and white flight, her people were part of the 2,000 who

Frazier’s grandmother, also named Ruby, died in 2009 in Braddock’s six-story brick hospital, built in 1906. Controversially, the hospital was torn down in 2010, while its owner, the nonprofit University of Pittsburgh Medical Center, spent hundreds of millions of dollars to build a branch in a more affluent suburb instead. The hospital had become Braddock’s community center. It housed Braddock’s only restaurant. It was the largest employer of town residents and their source of health care, and many who’ve lived for decades in Braddock are sick from the steel mill the town was built around—Andrew Carnegie’s first plant of many—which still pumps away day and night next to the Monongahela River. Braddock is hazardous to the human body. Frazier has lupus; her mother has an as-yet-undiagnosed neurological disorder involving seizures. The Fraziers have Braddock in their bodies, not on surface tattoos.

After the hospital closed despite months

Only a few of Frazier’s helicopter pictures are at SAM. There are many others, and all together, they form a time-stamped map.

The town’s only restaurant was in the hospital.

This map—she will continue to create it—is in competition with another map, the one drawn by developers and city planners in the new success story about revitalization. Frazier is especially motivated by the rankling fact that art and creativity are marshaled to drive the new Braddock, when from Frazier’s perspective, the forces of money and power are conspiring against the neediest with greater ferocity than maybe at any other point in Braddock’s history. At times, it must feel like her two great passions—her people and art—are in mortal combat. (Many artists are poor because they’re artists, which means they’re actually just middle-class, exercis-

• The acclaim train keeps chugging for Bob Nelson, the former Almost Live! cast member whose script for Alexander Payne’s Nebraska was nominated last week for a Golden Globe for best screenplay. Stay tuned, as we’ll be covering this story until Nelson is clasping a golden statuette.

• Excellent local poet Kim-An Lieberman, a finalist for a Stranger Genius Award in 2009, passed away last week at the age of 39. She will be missed. A scholarship to the Evergreen School is established in her name; donate at kalscholarship.com.

• Peter O’Toole, legendary actor and alcoholic, died after a long disease of some kind. He will be remembered for his performances in Lawrence of Arabia and The Lion in Winter and for providing definitive proof that human ears never stop growing.

CHALLENGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE.

We all know that people look different. While these differences are socially and culturally real, contemporary scientific understanding of race and human variation is complex and may challenge how we think about it.

RACE: Are We So Different? builds understanding of what race is and is not, providing tools to recognize racial ideas and practices in contemporary life in the U.S.

In conjunction with this exhibit, the Seattle Race and Social Justice Initiative is offering free workshops for groups to expand their understanding of racial equity in the community. Learn more at seattle.gov/rsji

ing options the way the middle-class does.)

Frazier is winner of the biannual Gwendolyn Knight and Jacob Lawrence Fellowship at SAM, which gives her $10,000 and the exhibition, titled Born by a River after lyrics in Sam Cooke’s civil rights anthem “A Change Is Gonna Come.” Mounted on the walls of the galleries, there are two small Surface tablets developed in conjunction with Microsoft Research and Brown University for visitors to watch videos of Frazier talking and see more of her work. One of the videos shows her response to the Levi’s campaign, where outside a pop-up Levi’s shop she scraped herself along the concrete sidewalk until her Levi’s jeans tore open all the way down both legs. The tearing revealed a sight with significance—that her legs were completely covered in protective pads. She may have destroyed the denim, but she kept her body conspicuously safe, marking an important departure from the metaphorical martyring acts of artists like Chris Burden, who had himself shot in the arm, nailed to a car temporarily, et cetera. That self-inflicted pain is an aesthetic contrast to a healthy body. Frazier’s body is perpetually in pain. Similarly, her building body of work, unlike the temporary art plunked around Braddock to make it a nicer-looking place, is fighting to preserve the distinction between symbols and actual things. It’s a perfect show for us in “progressive” Seattle.

BOOKS

A Writer’s Prayer

Before Flannery O’Connor

Wrote, She Talked to God

BY REBECCA BROWN

Flannery O’Connor’s first brush with fame came when she was 5 and the Pathé News people—who made the brief, often humorous human-interest clips that movie houses ran in the 1930s between the news and the feature—came to film a short of her. Mary (not Flannery yet) was chosen because she was famous locally for having trained her pet chicken to walk backward. The movie crew came to the farm in rural Georgia where O’Connor lived with her parents to film. The chicken is the star, but O’Connor is in the video, too. She later said she was there “to assist the chicken”; mostly she just stood there looking somber. Big-city moviegoers might have seen her as an earnest country rube, but even as a child, O’Conner was ironic: She knew how to stand just so in that video, how to present a stony

serious face instead of a smirk; she knew the value of presenting oneself as a quirky but lovable caricature.

After her father died of lupus, a disease she would get later in her life, O’Connor’s mother urged her to work on the high school paper.

This book is excruciating. It’s a cry.

REVIEWS

Flannery

O’Connor: The Cartoons by Flannery O’Connor (Fantagraphics, $22.99)

A Prayer Journal by Flannery O’Connor (Farrar, Straus and Giroux, $18)

O’Connor consoled herself and entertained others with cartoons. Her Thurber-esque females do schoolgirl things like wait for holidays, grouse about studying, waddle together in fat-one-skinny-one Laurel and Hardy–like buddy pairs (Oliver Hardy was the first famous person from O’Connor’s small hometown), or sit alone eying, through big glasses, couples at a dance. Cartooning, as Kelly Gerald suggests in the terrific essay in Fantagraphics’ handsome Flannery O’Connor: The Cartoons, demonstrated O’Connor’s ability to satirize gestures that perfectly capture a character’s selfimportance, cluelessness, ridiculousness. You can see in some of these early renderings images that will later appear in O’Connor stories: two ladies wearing identical hats (as in “Everything That Rises Must Converge”), the pompous pseudo-intellectual (“Greenleaf,”), etc.

Unlike most Southern females of her era, O’Connor got to go to college. She went to the University of Iowa in l946 to study journalism and become a cartoonist. But as soon as she got there, she realized she wanted to write fiction. Her father’s death had led to one form of art; her loss, by dislocation, led to another. Displaced from the Southern and Catholic cultures in which she knew how to fit, and with her funny accent, very out-of-it manners, and minority beliefs, she began to feel very alone.

Maybe everyone feels alone and maybe everyone is. But O’Connor’s loneliness began articulating itself in her writing. In addition to beginning to craft the fiction she would show in class and submit to magazines, she began to keep a diary. As Roman Catholics in the Deep South, O’Connor and her family had

been members of a religious minority, bound together by family and geographic stability. In the academy, O’Connor’s faith was regarded as not merely curious, but intellectually ridiculous, if not actually reviled. As her faith was called into question, O’Connor began to keep the private diary Farrar, Straus and Giroux has published as A Prayer Journal

This book is excruciating. It’s a cry. It’s full of embarrassingly intimate, often desperate pleas to God. “I don’t want to be doomed to mediocrity in my feeling for Christ. I want to feel. I want to love.” “I am afraid of pain…” It’s also, not coincidentally, the petition of a young writer trying to figure out how to follow what she hopes is her vocation: “Dear God, I am so discouraged about my work… Please help me dear God to be a good writer and to get something else accepted.” She also feels ashamed of the vanity of wanting that: “[To be published] is so far from what I deserve, of course that I am naturally struck with the nerve of it.”

For O’Connor, writing became an expression of faith. For many artists, regardless of what they think or not of the divine, making art is an act of, and requires, faith. You do it out of longing, from what William Gass has called “a reckless inner need”; you do it as you would an act of love.

There is some uncomfortable desire or want in you, and outside of you is nothing— an empty page or screen or room. But then out of your fear or hope or loneliness or anger or desperation, you do things with words or movements or images that try to show or give. There may be material rewards from what is made—someone may say they like it or tell you “thanks,” or someone will thoughtfully critique you, or somebody might even pay you. There will also, though, be others who’ll try to take you down—try to ignore them and write what you must, the way O’Connor said you would in Mystery and Manners

O’Connor’s art was part of her longing for God. She wanted her words to show what she saw of God, how the acceptance of or resistance to the divine could shape a life. She also thought her job was to write with, from, for God:

Dear God, tonight is not a disappointing one because you have given me a story. Don’t even let me think, dear God, that I was anything but the instrument for Your story—just like the typewriter was mine. Please let the story dear God, in its revisions be made too clear for any false and low interpretation because in it I am not trying to disparage anybody’s religion although when it was coming out, I didn’t know exactly what I was trying to do or what it was going to mean.

O’Connor’s handwritten manuscript, cursive writing in an old Sterling cardboard covered notebook, is reproduced in the final pages of this volume. The handwriting is clear, with few visible edits. Though she initially wrote it as a private diary document, she rewrote a fair copy with an eye to legibility by others.

When Franz Kafka knew he was dying, he asked his best friend, Max Brod, to destroy all his manuscripts. He also told Brod exactly how the manuscripts were organized, which stories were complete, which went together, the order of composition, etc. Though overtly humble, if not actually guilty, about his writing, Kafka clearly wanted his words to

have a life after his own. Brod, who knew and loved Kafka more than anyone, read between the lines of Kafka’s awkward request and saved the manuscripts, which is why we can read Kafka’s work.

I think a similar thing was going on with O’Connor. Though she did not try to publish this journal during her lifetime, she made sure it would be a complete and legible text for the friends she trusted to find and make known. She was a writer, one who grew from being an entertaining cartoonist to a profoundly serious, though also hilarious, shower-of-God in words. She wanted, I believe, to be seen by God and us; she wanted to be read.

THEATER

Queer Holiday Cheer

Homo for the Holidays and Holiday of Errors

BY BRENDAN KILEY

December is to theater what St. Patrick’s Day is to bars and Christmas morning is to churches—amateur hour, when the seldom-seens turn up in hordes to remind themselves what the inside of a theater, bar, or church looks like.

I mean “amateur” in the best sense of the word, of course, as a lover but not a scholar. Which is great. Not everyone can or should be a full-time theater geek, barfly, or believer, but the influx of amateurs gives holiday theater a soothing, easy-listening kind of quality as people fan out across the city to revisit their annual favorites: families indulg-

Christmas—with its tinsel, carols, and gay apparel—is Pride in a different color scheme.

ing their little bunheads at The Nutcracker, the mild class consciousness of A Christmas Carol, the pleasantly surreal psycho-drag of Dina Martina. (Some longtime fans say Dina’s 2013 show, a “greatest hits” compilation, is her best one in years.) Each year also brings younger contenders for the title of

HOMO FOR THE HOLIDAYS It’s the most wonderful time to be queer.

Clutch Theatre Merry & Bright

New Holiday Theater Tradition.

Muscling in on the drag front is Homo for the Holidays, a loosely themed variety show and unruly glitter-ball of camp produced by drag queen BenDeLaCreme, burlesque performer Kitten LaRue, and gender-scrambling dancer and choreographer Lou Henry Hoover. As DeLaCreme sings in this year’s opening number, Christmas—with its tinsel, carols, and gay apparel—is just Pride in a different color scheme: “It’s the most wonderful time to be queer./Though most holiday specials/Omit homosexuals/The truth just beneath the veneer/Is that no one does holiday cheer like a queer.”

The plot hardly matters, but for what it’s worth: Kitten LaRue plays a randy Southern angel who wants to earn her wings by turning DeLaCreme into a more skillful hostess. At its heart, Homo for the Holidays is an excuse for an avalanche of puns and a parade of drag and burlesque stars to try out new routines: Cherdonna and Lou as berserk reindeer, Faggedy Randy (of the Can Can Castaways) as a muscular and hyperactive gingerbread man who lusts after a glass of milk, and ilvs strauss reprising the role of Jesus being bummed out that everyone else has forgotten His birthday. Now in its sixth year, Homo has gotten a serious boost from the most recent season of RuPaul’s Drag Race, which dubbed Homo hero Jinkx Monsoon a national drag star.

holiday-theater constellation and an addition to the micro-genre of comedies about Shakespeare as a working playwright, stuffed with winking references to his plays. (See Shakespeare in Love, Wittenberg, and so on.) Theater about making theater has a high risk of being intolerably geeky and self-referential. But playwrights Frank Lawler and Daniel Flint skirt the edge of that chasm without falling into it.

REVIEWS

Homo for the Holidays

DeLouRue Productions at Odd Fellows Hall Through Dec 24

The play begins with Shakespeare (Lawler), broke and cold on Christmas Eve, trying out and throwing away new lines. “O for a moose on fire!” he shouts and scribbles at the same time, then frowns and crumples up his paper before trying again. “Beware the thighs of Marge!” (Hee-haw.) His charmingly dumb leading actor, Richard Burbage, realizes he’s forgotten to tell Shakespeare that they’d gotten a letter a few months ago, which turns out to have been a commission from Queen Elizabeth to present a new play at her palace on Twelfth Night—that is, in less than two weeks.

Holiday of Errors (Or, Much Ado About Stockings)

Sound Theatre Company at Center Theatre Through Dec 21

Monsoon and her partner Major Scales nearly steal the first act as fauxDickensian/“community theater” waifs with fake British accents who briefly break character to give us a vain and preening rundown on their meticulously threadbare style: “It’s called street urchin chic—you should check out our Etsy site… If Mary-Kate Olson was in Tale of Two Cities, this is what it would look like. If Oliver Twist had lived to meet Anna Wintour, this is what he’d be wearing… hashtag totally bubonic, hashtag thin-dustrial revolution.” Then they dive into a Kiki and Herb–style routine of demented Christmas carols, including a growling, dubstep version of what I think was “O Come All Ye Faithful” and a crotch-slapping, piano-top stripping routine. They electrified the crowd—and it was more than just Jinkx’s recent Drag Race hype. Toward the end of their bit, my companion leaned over, nodded toward Jinkx, and whispered: “Who’s that actress? You should keep an eye on her. She seems like she could be big.”

Holiday of Errors (Or, Much Ado About Stockings) is an even newer star in Seattle’s

Shakespeare despairs, the gay ghost of his rival Christopher Marlowe (Daniel Stoltenberg) shows up, Christmas Carol–like, to goad him into inspiration, and the comedy of errors is on. Directed by Teresa Thuman, Holiday merrily bumps along as Shakespeare and his company of goofballs go to the palace to write and rehearse, tangling themselves in a variety of romantic and political intrigues.

Lawler and Flint cram their script full of familiar Shakespeare tropes—boozy courtiers, scheming power brokers, naive twits, women disguised as men, and witty characters (in this case, Shakespeare and the ghost of Marlowe) who drift just above the action while constantly commenting on it. Elinor Gunn is especially peppy as the redheaded, effusive, and lusty Queen Elizabeth (the so-called “virgin queen”), who cares less about the play than scoring with some of the players. Gunn delivers an unexpectedly scathing monologue toward the end of Holiday about how men can’t abide the idea of a powerful woman who also has a powerful libido—and knows how to both enjoy it and leverage it for practical purposes—earning her a burst of applause that nearly tipped over into a standing ovation.

Like Homo for the Holidays, Holiday of Errors chews up and spits out the usual cultural baggage of late December—carols, Dickens, puritanical killjoys—with easygoing intelligence. Neither show is likely to change anyone’s life, but they’re both good bets for lightening your mood.

ARTS CALENDAR Only the most noteworthy stuff.

ART Museums

legendary Frenchwoman in person; she’ll still be working remotely, but no longer will she just be available at her desk inside the old Seattle home adapted into her gallery. Farewell and thank you, Francine Seders Gallery. The

final exhibition features Dale Lindman’s bars of color, overcast landscapes and shadowy interiors by Norman Lundin, and Diann Knezovich’s mischievous urban shrubbery. Free. TuesSun. Through Dec 24. 6701 Greenwood Ave N, 782-0355.

Events

HOLIDAY GIFT SALE

Over 200 paintings, priced between $40 and $100, just waiting to be wrapped and given to your mom. Kate Alkarni Gallery, 5701 Sixth Ave S, 4530043. katealkarnigallery.com. Free. Thurs Dec 19, 6-9 pm.

PHILIP H. RED EAGLE

Red Eagle is a writer and poet of Dakota and Puget Sound

Salish heritage who’ll speak as part of the series “How Are We Remembered?,” centered around Seattle’s history and legacy. The Project Room , 1315 E Pine St. Free. Wed Dec 18 at 6 pm.

visualart@thestranger.com

READINGS

Wed 12/18

LANGDON COOK Cook’s new book, The Mushroom Hunters: On the Trail of an Underground America travels from Seattle to New York in search of people who go out into the forest in search of a fungus to eat. University Book Store, 4326 University Way NE, 634-3400. bookstore. washington.edu. Free. 7 pm. WHO WILL SPEAK? — AN EVENING IN CELEBRATION OF POETRY AND READERS

Poet Roger Reeves will read from his debut collection, local poets and performers will read work written by Copper Canyon poets, and “the first 100 RSVPs will receive a complimentary book of poetry at the door.”

Since Sherman Alexie says that Copper Canyon is the best

OUT NOTES ON FASHION BY MARTI JONJAK

THE DURANTASTIC FASHIONS OF DURAN DURAN

Andy “Durandy” Golub is a Duran Duran archivist, blogger, and haver of vast knowledge, and his book Beautiful Colors: The Posters of Duran Duran comes out this month. (Check durandy.com for details.) Culled from eBay and fan sites and Durandy’s distant travels, the book’s posters feature everything from the ritziest glossies to the far rarer flyers, duplicated with copy machines and updated with handwriting when the band was still an opening act. Durandy’s been gathering these and other memorabilia for decades. In his Bellevue storage unit, you’ll find: luxury satin tour jackets, a hilariously complicated Duran Duran board game, and, to promote a single, a sealed bottle of hot sauce from 1985 that has settled into a watery gasoline-yellow fluid that looks “like a discharge,” Durandy says.

There are also trillions of articles and promo pics, of course, organized by date and size and country of publication. The earliest images show the members folded neatly inside the New Romantic fashion movement, back when people couldn’t decide whether to be transsexuals or punks or gypsies or harlequins or frilled-out French revolutionaries, and just went for them all at once. Duran Duran made the look a little preppy, too, because why not—throwing in pastels and pleat-front khakis and rolled-up sleeves alongside the musketeer blouses,

poetry publisher in the US, this is a hell of a deal. Hugo House 1634 11th Ave, 322-7030. hugohouse.org. Free. 7 pm.

readings@thestranger.com

THEATER

Opening and Current Runs

FAMILY AFFAIR

A monthly cabaret, hosted by Jennifer Jasper ( I Can Hear You... But I’m Not Listening ), in which guest artists “will be sharing their sick, hilarious, and ultimately relatable familial skeletons.” Rendezvous 2322

Second Ave. $10. Every third Wed at 7:30 pm.

HEDWIG AND THE ANGRY INCH

“How did some slip of a girly boy from communist East Berlin become the internationally ignored song stylist barely standing before you?” The return of Jerick Hoffer (aka Jinkx Monsoon) to the role of Hedwig, as directed by Ian Bell. A coproduction of Balagan Theatre and Seattle Theatre Group. Moore Theatre 1932 Second Ave, 812-3284. balagantheatre.org. $15. Tues-Thurs at 7:30 pm, FriSat at 7:30 and 10 pm, Sun at 2 and 7:30 pm. Through Dec 22.

HOLIDAY OF ERRORS (OR MUCH ADO ABOUT STOCKINGS)

See review, page 27. Center Theatre, Seattle Center Armory, 856-5520. soundtheatrecompany.org. $25. Thurs-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 21.

HOMO FOR THE HOLIDAYS

See review, page 27. Odd Fellows Hall, 915 E Pine St, Ste 200, 324-7263. strangertickets.com. $25. Wed-Thurs at 8 pm, Fri-Sat at 7 and 10 pm, Mon Dec 23 and Tues Dec 24 at 7 and 10 pm. Through Dec 24.

OLIVER!

“The orchestra, conducted by Joel Fram, is flawless. But the principal actors singing over the orchestrations (Merideth Kaye Clark as Nancy and David Pichette as Fagin) convey the sense that they got no attention from director David Armstrong and really don’t know what they should be doing with themselves. Only two performances are really good: Hans Altwies plays Bill Sikes, the oldest of Fagin’s thieves, with an icy brilliance. The other exceptional performance is Jack Fleischmann as a charming, pitch-perfect, and blameless Oliver. But two performances only go so far.” (Christopher Frizzelle) 5th Avenue Theatre 1308 Fifth Ave, 625-1900. 5thavenue.org. $45-$129. TuesWed at 7:30 pm, Thurs-Fri at 8 pm, Sat at 2 and 8 pm, Sun at 1:30 and 7 pm. Through Dec 31.

THE SANTALAND DIARIES

This Christmas play by David Sedaris is “for mature elves only” and stars Patrick Lennon as Crumpet the Elf. Directed by Kelly Kitchens. Seattle Public Theater, 7312 W Green Lake Dr N, 524-1300. seattlepublictheater.org. $15-$32. Thurs at 7 pm, Fri at 9 pm, Sat at 7 and 9 pm, Sun at 7 pm. Through Dec 22.

THE DINA MARTINA CHRISTMAS SHOW

“The Christmas shows of Dina Martina—the monstrously untalented chanteuse brought to life by the monstrously talented Grady West—are the stuff of legend, and this year’s installment is a veritable Whitman’s Sampler of that legend, cherry-picking the best bits from all 14 of Dina’s previous Christmas shows. Expect punny songs, awkward transitions, stupid gifts, astounding outfits, cheerful blasphemy, and interstitial stories that will bend your brain.” (David Schmader) Re-bar 1114 Howell St, 2339873. rebarseattle.com. $20$25. Thurs-Fri at 8 pm Sat at 2 and 8 pm. Through Dec 31. theater@thestranger.com

SO SERIOUS But probably wearing scrunch socks. means we recommend it. Tons more listings at THESTRANGER.COM

cravats, and side-knotted pirate-sash headbands cinching their feathery bales of hair. Separately, the guys looked just as great. In his own book, bassist John Taylor mentions the “skintight leopard-print ski pants with loops under the boots” that Simon Le Bon wore when he auditioned for lead singer. “I thought anyone who looks that stupid… is positively the one,” keyboardist Nick Rhodes is rumored to have said. Taylor tucked the cuffs of his black latex pants into chunky white scrunch socks. And Rhodes loaded on the lip-wear: “He was into Perfectly Lancome #5 Pink Gloss lipstick,” says Durandy.

Rhodes was also Andy Warhol’s favorite member, and Warhol famously told the Face journalist Fiona Russell Powell, “I masturbate to Duran Duran videos.” They were

always so exquisitely crafted. Moment after moment, glamorous things kept appearing: lone saxophonists on tropical shores, hairstyles aswirl in ocean breezes, bikinied women leaping sexily around, and the men’s pretty faces, tarted up with cosmetics, cast in the slatted shadows of venetian blinds.

Send fashion tips to marti@thestranger.com

CHOW

Less Would Be More

Le Petit Cochon Is Not Perfected Yet BY BETHANY

JEAN CLEMENT

Coco Chanel famously said that a lady should get all ready to go out for the evening, then take one accessory—scarf, bracelet, bejeweled hairpin—off. Le Petit Cochon—that’s

“the little pig” in French—looks great, and the space is not overdressed at all. It’s upstairs from Chiso in Fremont, with the windows looking out onto the treetops, which right now are twinkling just right with plain white Christmas lights. It’s cozy up there, above the Fremont party fray. The low wood-beamed ceiling makes it feel a little like a tree house, and the ring-the-buzzer-around-the-corner entry makes it feel like a private club. There’s a divider made of hanging windowpanes and some countrified knickknacks on a shelf, but the space is mostly left to be its naturally pretty self, with music like the Beastie Boys cutting through the upscale feeling.

Le Petit Cochon

701 N 36th St, Suite 200, 829-8943

The chef/owner is Derek Ronspies, who has previously cooked with his brother, Dustin Ronspies, at Dustin’s Art of the Table—a Wallingford spot that also has a clubby feel, with weekends reserved for intently local/seasonal prix-fixe menus that are pricey but reportedly worth every penny. I’ve never been, but in a 2007 review in The Stranger, Angela Garbes called Art of the Table “comfortable, satisfying, quietly revelatory… While there are a lot of flavors going on in [Dustin] Ronspies’s food, all the dishes are carefully balanced, almost perfectly executed, and absolutely delicious.”

There are also a lot of flavors going on in Derek Ronspies’s food at Le Petit Cochon (and he’s also religiously sourcing locally/seasonally), but the balance isn’t there yet. Nearly every plate needed the Chanel treatment, sometimes twice. A salad called “Let Me See That Escarole” ($11) was like two (or maybe three) salads combined: grilled escarole,

beets, baby lettuces, watermelon radishes, bacon-and-blue-cheese dressing, and pistachio butter. The pistachio butter especially clashed with the dressing, and its putty-textured nuttiness under everything else was just odd. A scallop “ceviche” ($13) had quotation marks for a good reason: The scallop was raw, and its unexpected texture would’ve been fine if it weren’t paired with a squash puree—the oceanic, jellylike scallop and the sweetish, slippery puree were just not meant for each other. The other components—parsley root, pieces of fried lemon, plus a truffle vinaigrette to boot—didn’t help matters. Another night, seared scallops ($14) got all the same accompaniments, but at least the textural problem was solved—except that the scallops were overcooked to that sad state where they become almost stringy, and the taste goes from delicate to fishy.

A dish called “Zoom a Shroom” ($14) had tons of delicious autumnal wild mushrooms— hedgehogs, king oysters, maitakes, and black trumpets—with radicchio mixed in (good), a dollop of polenta (really good), crispy shallots (great idea), pine nuts (who doesn’t love a pine nut?), annnnddd… a piece of Kurtwood Farms’ Dinah’s Camembert. This is an excellent local cheese, but a lump of it melting in a gluey way on one side of the plate, competing against the creamy polenta (and losing), combined with its assertive, funky flavor—this cheese was not a friend to these mushrooms.

“A Snail Tale” ($17) had one thick-skinned and somewhat greasy oxtail ravioli, with escargot, chard, arugula pesto, cipollini onions, and more puree (roasted garlic)—elements

that seemed randomly placed together on one plate. A perfectly cooked Neah Bay black cod (called, in a welcome failure of imagination, “Neah Bay Black Cod,” $20) had carrots, kale, squid ink aioli, octopus tapenade, and the strange scattered crunch of fried chickpeas. Duck breast (“Get Ducky,” $20), also perfectly cooked, came with a nearly tasteless gizzard confit wrapped up in bitter, stringy greens. The only irredeemable dish was chickpea and chestnut fritters, which were relatively austerely dressed with a little vadouvan cream sauce and almonds ($7). It sounded like a great international variation on a holiday song, but it tasted like bitter paste—bad hummus mixed with burned nuts—and it was so sticky, remains of it clung to the fork. We left one of the three untouched, and the (very nice) server apologized and said they’d just put it on the menu that night, and that it was possibly “not perfected yet.” Then Derek

A salad called “Let Me See That Escarole” was like two (or maybe three) salads combined.

Ronspies came out and explained he’d just tried the fritters at the same time that we had, and that they were not what they should be; he would take them off the bill, he was very sorry, and would we like to try something else instead? It was peculiar to feel like a guinea pig, but he was completely charming. We tried a corn dog made with a piece of pork belly ($9, though he comped it), and it was so fatty-tasty that you could feel your cholesterol rising as the grease ran down the stick onto your hand.

The kind of highly composed, high-minded food that’s being attempted at Le Petit Cochon is an art. Ronspies is sometimes near the mark, but more often, it feels like he’s throwing things against the plate and using lots of beds of puree to make them stick.

Comment on this review at THESTRANGER.COM/CHOW

Join us: Monday, Dec.16 through Saturday, Dec. 21

All-day happy hour with specials on mezcal flights and shots and top-shelf tequila margaritas + complimentary bar snacks with a mezcal flight order

Live serenade music:  Wednesday, Dec. 18 starting at 6pm

Open Sunday, Dec. 22 from 10am-8pm with brunch options and a special holiday menu

11:30am-3pm  Dinner: Monday-Thursday, 5pm-11pm Friday-Saturday, 5pm-12am (206) 782-8722 | lacartadeoaxaca.com

BY CHARLES MUDEDE

THE BETWEEN SPACE AT EL QUETZAL

El Quetzal 3209 Beacon Ave S, 329-2970

There is a curious space in El Quetzal, a Mexican joint on Beacon Hill. It exists exactly between the bar and the restaurant. Now, we have heard of Starbucks’s concept of a “third space”—the cafe as between home space and store space (the resulting space being a public living room). But El Quetzal has a table and two chairs set in a niche that’s not the bar and not the restaurant. What to call it? The maximum capacity for this small space is two. A third person could only stand and block the communication between the dining area and drinking area. And the two who sit here face each other and are separated by a lamp that looks like a miniature lighthouse and the vermicular etchings on the surface of the table. On the east side of the furniture is a wall that holds a long painting of a woman with dark and large breasts. On the west side, a window that boasts a view of busy Beacon Avenue, some old apart-

ments, some big trees, and a salon, Hair Skill Design, with a reputation for being cheap and yet professional. Written on the glass itself are the remarkable words “A BOOK ABOUT DEATH.” More remarkable yet, the last three letters in the word “DEATH” are upside down.

What is this death business about in the between space? El Quetzal is also a gallery space: Quetzalcoatl Gallery. The writing on the window is related to an exhibit, A Book About Death Seattle, that happened here in the fall of last year. The walls in the bar, which has its own name, El Quetzal Lounge, display contemporary pieces of art that are part sculpture and part painting. And the walls in the restaurant have copies of Diego Rivera’s lily paintings, the most recognizable of which (at least for me) is Vendedora De Alcatraces (a young, kneeling woman hugging white lilies in her earth-brown hands).

A quick word about the food and drinks at El Quetzal. The bar has everything you need and is not costly, though the house wine, which is $6.50 a glass after happy hour, needs to not be so sweet. The food, however, is very good. During my visit, I enjoyed a fish taco that involved thick apple slices. This was the first time I ate such a taco in my life—and it really worked, this mixing of the fruits of the land with the fruits of the sea—and I thought that maybe it was popular in some region of Mexico. “No, it is not,” said the young bartender to me. “My uncle has a big imagination. He came up with the idea by himself. He thought it might be good, and he was right. It is good.”

regions, southern and northern. Appointments are highly recommended to ensure your much deserved quality time. Take a trip down to Alki, we’re located right across from the beach.

Chow Events

Sat 12/21

TAMALE-MAKING CLASS

Embrace the pork lard and learn the secrets: You’ll take home a dozen tamales of your own making at the end, plus the ability to make tamales for the rest of your natural life. Class fees support Centro de la Raza’s Senior Wellness Program. El Centro de la Raza , 2524 16th Ave S, 957-4611. elcentrodelaraza.com. $75. Sat 10 am-12:30 pm.

CARAMEL-MAKING CLASS Learn “the old-world techniques used to make Hot Cakes’ dark, smoky, true caramel sauce,” plus how to jar it and how to make caramel chews, from the great Autumn Martin in this two-hour, $75 class. Hot Cakes Molten Chocolate Cakery, 5427 Ballard Ave NW, 4203431. getyourhotcakes. com. $75. Noon-2 pm.

Sun 12/22

BRUNCH AT THE CORSON BUILDING

January 15: Italians. Marché, 1600 Post Alley, 728-2800. marcheseattle. com. $45 per class. 6-7 pm.

Thurs 12/19

This family-style, hollyjolly brunch at the Corson building ought to be lovely. The Corson Building , 5609 Corson Ave S, 7623330. thecorsonbuilding. com. $40. 10 am and 1 pm.

FREE COOKIES AT ODDFELLOWS It’s Oddfellows’ fifth birthday, and they’re giving away 1,000 Oddfellows Chip cookies to celebrate, maybe one of them to you. Free cookies! Oddfellows Cafe + Bar , 1525 10th Ave, 325-0807. oddfellowscafe.com.

OLIO NUOVO DINNER AT THE CORSON

The announcement: “In Italy, the tasting of freshly pressed olive oil is an annual tradition.” The Corson building is great, and they’re hosting a dinner to celebrate this annual tradition, so do with this information what you will. The Corson Building , 5609 Corson Ave S, 762-3330. thecorsonbuilding.com. $65.

“BEST DAMN HAPPY HOUR”

On the third Thursday of the month, the “Best Damn Happy Hour” (their title) has live DJs, mini golf, board games, giant Jenga (T IMBERRRR R!), and deals on cocktails and food at the many places inside the Armory, the food-court-ish building formerly known as the Center House at Seattle Center (21+ only). Seattle Center, 305 Harrison St, 684-7200. seattlecenter. com/happyhour. No cover. Third Thurs 5-8 pm.

Fri 12/20

LUTEFISK TASTING NIGHT

So there are (at least) two types of lutefisk. The Swedish kind is seasoned with white sauce and hand-ground mustard, whereas the Norwegian kind has bacon and peas. Try both of them and choose one to swear your undying allegiance to. And eat some meatballs while you’re at it, because there’ll be be meatballs too. Swedish Cultural Center, 1920 Dexter Ave N. swedishclubnw.org. $25. 5:30 pm.

Mon 12/23

THE FEAST OF THE SEVEN FISHES A family-style Christmas Eve eve Feast of the Seven Fishes (namely: oysters, escolar, octopus, Dungeness crab, anchovy, cuttlefish, and branzino). Anchovies & Olives , 1550 15th Ave, 838-8080. ethanstowellrestaurants.com/anchoviesandolives. $75.

ANNUAL HOLIDAY

WINEMAKER DINNER Aqua by El Gaucho invites you to a multicourse, seafoody holiday feast with winemakers Chris Sparkman of Sparkman Cellars, Mark McNeilly of Mark Ryan Winery, and Trey Busch of Sleight of Hand Cellars—plus their wines, of course. Aqua by El Gaucho, 2801 Alaskan Way, Pier 70, 956-9171. elgaucho.com/Aqua-byEl-Gaucho.html. $150. 6:30 pm.

Tues 12/24

HAVE A HOT TODDY See Stranger Suggests, page 23. At home, at a friend’s, at a bar, wherever!, Price varies. All day long!

Wed 12/25

CHRISTMAS DINNER AT THE 5 POINT

If you’re in the mood for a delightfully divey Christmas, the 5 Point Cafe offers a choice of two five-course meals on Christmas day: a ham dinner and a prime rib dinner. After Xmas gorging, you can come back for the 5 Point’s free New Year’s Eve party, where you can watch the fireworks (including via the periscope above the urinal). 5 Point Cafe, 415 Cedar St, 448-9991. the5pointcafe.com. $22.

X-MESS DRINKING For a (partial) list of bars open on Xmas, see page 38 (and add/find more in comments on that column

at thestranger.com/chow).

Bars around town, today. Merry X-mess!

Ongoing/Etc.

DO SOMETHING NICE

AT DRAGONFISH

If you’re doing some elf work (or, later, returning crappy presents) down in the marvel of capitalism that is Seattle’s retail core, pick up an extra toy or child’s garment and drop it off at Dragonfish, which is collecting these all month for the extremely worthy nonprofit Treehouse. Dragonfish Asian Cafe, 722 Pine St, 467-7777. dragonfishcafe. com. Through Dec 31.

GEEKS WHO DRINK

Geeks Who Drink is a company that hosts trivia quizzes at different bars every damn day of the week, here in Seattle and all over creation, usually free (except for bar owners, who pay a “reasonable” rate). Starred for geeks who drink who like pub trivia. Various locations geekswhodrink. com. Ongoing.

LA CARTA DE OAXACA

BIRTHDAY HAPPY HOUR

LCdO celebrates its 10th birthday with a week of happy hours, with specials on mezcal flights/ shots and top-shelf tequila margaritas, plus complimentary bar snacks with a mezcal flight order. Also: live music on December 18 starting at 6 p.m., and brunch on December 22.

La Carta de Oaxaca 5431 Ballard Ave NW, 782-8722. lacartadeoaxaca.com. Through Dec 21. Tues-Sat 11:30 am-3 pm, Mon-Thurs 5–11 pm, Fri-Sat 5 pm–midnight.

MUSTACHE

WEDNESDAYS

Have a mustache on your face (real, fake, or drawn, just “No Hitler mustaches”) and get $1 off everything at the Canterbury on Wednesdays until it closes down at the New Year...

SIGH. Canterbury Ale and Eats , 534 15th Ave E, 322-3130. Wed.

HOLIDAY COOKING CLASS WITH BRUCE NAFTALY

Learn how to make alltime-great holiday foods

OLAF’S TUNNEL OF LOVE AND CORN DOGS

David Chilson, Sara Moot, and Pete Pigott

Owners, Olaf’s 6301 24th Ave NW, 297-6122

I was about to ask David “Cheeto” Chilson, Sara Moot, and Pete Pigott of Ballard’s newish bar Olaf’s to explain the Pussy Room I’d heard about, when I saw it—a hallway right off the bar made to look like an enormous cartoon vagina. The light at the end of the tunnel is a pinball room containing the world’s only autographed Elvira pinball machine. The anatomically correct hallway was installed by the space’s previous inhabitant, Copper Gate, famous for its vintage pinup photos and functional shower.

Olaf’s, named after the mascot of the beloved, now-closed bar the Viking, serves classic bar food and drinks in ideal combinations. There’s a can of Rainier with a side of bacon, plus hand-dipped, jalapeño-battered corn dogs with sriracha mayo—something like a corn dog inside a jalapeño popper, this was the realization of a dream I didn’t know I had. This is no accident: Sara has an impressive résumé, including Le Gourmand and Persimmon Cheeto worked at Stumbling Goat and Ma’ono. Most of Pete’s experience is in flying planes, but he says he’s done plenty of industry research— probably the kind he was doing at the Viking when he met Sara and Cheeto. “We should thank our fourth business partner, cans of Rainier,” said Cheeto. SARAH GALVIN

with an all-time-great chef (Bruce Naftaly of the dear departed Le Gourmand, who is also really nice), with eating and wine included. The socks of your family and friends will be knocked off! Pacific Crest School 620 NW Bright St, 7843463. legourmandrestaurant.com. $75. Sat Dec 21, Sun Dec 22.

BOTTOMLESS MIMOSAS

Bottomless anything is good, especially if it involves champagne. Just order brunch at Ma’ono or Agrodolce, and your mimosa ($12 and $14, respectively) will have no bottom. Ma’ono and Agrodolce, maono.springhillnorthwest.com, agrodolcerestaurant.net. Sat-Sun 10 am-2 pm.

$12 CAVA SUNDAYS AT CURE

Tiny, inviting Cure invites you to “celebrate or lament” the end of your

weekend with a $12 bottle of Spanish sparkling wine and a view of Cal Anderson Park on the Lord’s day. Cure 1640 Nagle Place, 568-5475. cureseattle.com. $12. Sun 4 pm-2 am.

MOON TEMPLE BAR TRIVIA SUNDAY

Wallingford’s Moon Temple is one of the highest-quality dive bars this city is privileged to still contain, and now the Moon Temple is going to be razed for so-called progress sometime in the not-too-distant future. Trivia night here is fueled by strong-ass drinks. Go before it’s too late! Moon Temple Restaurant 2108 N 45th St, 6334280. $2 (registration fee per player). Sun at 8 pm. MEANS WE RECOMMEND IT. SEND EVENT INFO TO: chow@thestranger.com

Find the full calendar online.

FALLING OFF THE SLEIGH

Christmas has such a drawn-out, overbearing lead-up that by the time the actual holiday arrives, everyone’s pretty much ready for it to be over. And by everyone, I mean me. So sneak out the back when no one’s looking, close the screen door ever-so-softly, and saunter down to the closest bar, where you can wrap yourself in a thick, leaden haze of drunkenness. In a matter of just an hour or two, you should be able to render yourself completely incapacitated, and thereby exempt from any remaining social obligations of the holiday. A number of bars around town will be open to accommodate you.

Liberty (Capitol Hill) has sushi, and what better time to sample some Japanese whiskey? The Baranof (Greenwood) will be doing a Christmas potluck of sorts. Of course, there’s the 5 Point (Belltown), which may be Seattle’s quintessential Christmas dive and is also serving Christmas dinner. Big Mario’s (Capitol Hill) will be offering a special white crab pizza, which is not an offer you should feel obligated to accept. King’s Hardware (Ballard), Linda’s (Capitol Hill), and Bait Shop (Capitol Hill) are all open and pouring as well. The Rickshaw (Greenwood) is always open on Christmas, because it’s a Chinese restaurant bar. Tini Bigs (Lower Queen Anne) hasn’t closed for a single day in the past 17 years, so count on them to be open. I asked the guy at the Eastlake Zoo (Eastlake) if they’d be open, and he said, “I think so.” I asked him if he was sure, and he said, “Yes.” KRISHANU RAY

Know of another bar open on Xmas? Put it in comments at

MUSIC

The Unbearable

Heaviness of Being

Feeling Doom-Drone Classic Earth 2’s Tremors 20 Years On

BY DAVE SEGAL

Can you feel it? That massive, mind-blotting buzz from the planet’s core? That’s Earth 2: Special Low Frequency Version. Sub Pop released this record by Seattle duo Earth in early

1993. Its truculent tremors still ripple through the heavy-music underground. Nobody’s made a big deal about 2013 being the landmark album’s 20th anniversary. We need to redress this oversight. Admittedly, Earth 2 is no Nevermind in terms of sales (understatement, ahoy!), but its impact on subterranean metal may be just as historical as Nirvana’s breakout LP has been in mainstream circles.

On Earth 2, guitarist Dylan Carlson—with help from bassist Dave Harwell—invented ambient metal, a devouring swarm of downtuned guitar and bass dirges that coalesced into a threnody for forward motion… and possibly the human race. Never has sonic stasis been so domineering and exhaustive. Unlike most metal, Earth 2 insinuates doom. It needs no lyrics to convey the dread aura at its molten center. Earth 2 pulverized metal’s cartoonishness and took the genre to the ashram.

To commemorate this vastly influential recording, The Stranger interviewed some of the key figures in the making of Earth 2, as well as a musician inspired by it.

BRUCE PAVITT Sub Pop cofounder

What were your first thoughts when you heard Earth 2? The first time I heard the Earth tapes, I was struck by the conceptual nature of the tracks. Ambient metal. I was fascinated by the extreme nature and artistic vision of the band.

Did you and Jonathan Poneman have any arguments about whether Sub Pop should release the album? Jon and I both recognized that we needed some “sub” to go along with the “pop.” It was important for the

label to find a balance between the commercial and the adventurous.

Did Earth 2 present any particularly difficult marketing problems? Do you know how many copies it’s sold? As for selling it, we felt that people would either get it or not. We didn’t have high expectations. By allowing for elaborate packaging (double album, clear vinyl), we hoped that it would attract the interest of collectors and those who appreciated high-concept projects. At the time of release, we only pressed 2,000 copies of the record, which we knew would sell out. We did manage to sell some additional CDs… most likely another 2,000.

Where do you think Earth 2 fits in the grand scheme of rock music? I’ve always felt very proud of Earth 2. In the grand scheme of rock music, I think it stands next to Metal Machine Music by Lou Reed. Conceptual, ambient, challenging.

DYLAN CARLSON Earth mastermind

What was your state of mind when you went into the studio to record Earth 2? There were a couple of ideas. We’d already done long songs. So we wanted to do one album-length piece. Unfortunately, this was before Pro Tools; you only get 30 minutes max per reel of tape, running at 15 ips [inches per second]. That’s why there are three parts to [Earth 2]. At the time we were doing that, the CD was like 75 minutes long, and we wanted to fill the entire CD. The first stuff we had done at a little eight-track studio. This was our first time using two-inch tape, so we wanted to use every track. The idea was to try to make it as big as the live thing that we did. It’s funny, because

when I was working with Stuart [Hallerman of Avast! Recording Company] again on Angels of Darkness, we were talking about how if we had to do that album now, how differently we would have gone about it. We loaded all our gear in there that we used in the live show, then turned everything up and did a bunch of stuff that is technically incorrect [laughs]. Did you conceive of this album as having a functional value, as the text on the back of the record suggests? That kind of came after we did it, when I was coming up with the cover. I had worked at a record store at the time [Peaches, then Beehive], over there on 45th. I grabbed a bunch of stuff when I worked there, and a series of meditational cassettes Atlantic Records did in the ’70s caught my eye. It seemed to fit the mood. There was one that was sea sounds, one that was nature sounds. It went along with a series of Medical records that I had. It’s funny when I listen to Earth 2—not that I listen to it that often or anything—we were trying to make this really huge record, but in a weird way it has this claustrophobic feel to me. Because of the way we did it, it has this weird murkiness. If I had to do it now, it would sound a lot more expansive.

Do you view Earth 2 as the band’s ultimate statement? Maybe the first iteration of the band, but even then I’m not sure, because Pentastar I really like a lot. But I don’t think it’s Earth’s ultimate statement. That’s another thing about redoing stuff like that—a record is a snapshot of a certain time and mental state and environment. You can’t re-create that. There was some talk of doing Earth 2 stuff again this year. The only idea that sounded cool to me, I had been talking with Lori [Goldston] about doing an arrangement of it for strings and an orchestra. Something like that would be appealing to me more than a “here we are cranking out the hits on tour” kind of thing.

Do you remember how Sub Pop reacted when they first heard the record? They seemed into it, especially Bruce. Bruce asked us to be on the label. They put a lot of effort into it. They did the nice vinyl version and made some nice shirts for it. It didn’t get a

“Earth 2 stands next to Metal Machine Music: conceptual, ambient, challenging.”

lot of reviews at the time, other than British press. I remember being excited because the header said “Slow Death, Immense Decay.” Any reference to a Slayer song in a review of something I did I was pretty happy about.

STUART HALLERMAN

Earth 2 engineer, owner of Avast! Recording Company

Can you discuss the recording sessions for Earth 2? What was the mood like in the studio when the tracks were being laid down? It went quite smoothly. They had a plan laid out. It was mostly the two of them—Dave and Dylan. Some things took me by surprise. After tuning up their guitars and getting a good roar going, it was time to get the first bass and guitar tracks; I walked back to the control room, and they followed me there and sat down and said it was time to roll tape [laughs]. The guitars were being played by EBows out there. Okay, interesting. I hit

congratulates Dave Voorhees for 40 years of selling records to music fans in Seattle and around the world! We invite our readers to visit Bop Street Records during the holidays,and thank Dave for his passionate service!

“record,” and that was the bed of the first piece of music. Then they went back to retune their guitars and got the EBows going again, and again followed me back into the control room. They said, “All right, that’ll be our second track.” I thought, “What have I gotten myself into here? This is going to be the most boring week on earth.” It was already an interesting mood there, but as soon as the layers of the two instruments two times were there, the magic tapestry began to appear. So while filling reels of tape with sounds that way, it was a very relaxed vibe. I wish more days went by like that.

Did you feel like something momentous was happening during the recording of Earth 2? Did it stand out among the sessions you’d done? To me, it just seemed like this really cool drone record that I personally liked when it was done. To me, it was almost a parlor trick or experimental music, lovely in its own little porcupine way. It faded into obscurity, and then [in 2003 Autofact Records] reissued it and the label wanted me to write liner notes for it. I had a story or two—the preproduction meeting and first day of the session and whatnot, a few anecdotes, a short remembrance of the making of. Then, while checking the spelling of the members, I learned that unbeknownst to me, in the intervening years, around the world, people were doing doom-drone rock.

STEPHEN O’MALLEY

Guitarist for Earth-influenced band Sunn O)))

What thoughts were going through your mind the first time you heard Earth 2? What sort of associations did this music trigger in your head? I was living in a house in the U-District. A friend of mine, Curtis Pitts, worked at Sub Pop—he brought over a promo of Earth 2. He wanted to give it to

WHAT'S CRAPPENING?

• Food fight! The original pizza punk rockers, Personal & the Pizzas, have it in for Macaulay Culkin’s new pizza-themed Velvet Underground tribute band, the Pizza Underground. Personal gave this statement to eMusic.com last Thursday:

“Yeah……………Here’s my fuggin’ review; First we’re gonna kill em/ THEN! we’re gonna sue em/ DONT MESS WITH THE FUCKIN’ PIZZAS, PRICK./ I CAN REED MOTHERFUCKER /I CAN REED.”

• Last week, anyone who has social media connections with members of Seattle’s hiphop community saw Macklemore who recently played three sold-out KeyArena shows, providing lots of backstage photos (which filled one’s Facebook feed) and shout-outs to local and unknown artists (which erupted on one’s Twitter). It seems the Mack wants the 206 to know that superstardom has not erased his memory.

me because Dylan was wearing a Morbid Angel T-shirt on the promo photo. I was really into death metal. I think I was 19 or something. It was my first year at the University of Washington. I was totally getting into LSD and black metal, as a graduation from death metal. Earth 2 was very different from anything I’d heard before. It’s kind of a gateway into minimalist music and experimental music—something that now over the years I’ve been educated on. But at the time, hearing purely instrumental guitar music was rare. To a 19-year-old death-metal kid, it sounded like slow Slayer.

I actually saw the Earth duo of Dylan and Dave Harwell play at that time at the Sub Pop Ultra Lame Fest. I think they played right before Mudhoney and right after Seaweed. Earth played some riffs that I recognized from Earth 2, but the audience was not into it. It was at the Paramount Theatre, and after a stage-diving Seaweed set, it was like, “What the fuck is this?” [Laughs] Did Earth 2 sound to you like an ultimate statement, a kind of ground zero for heavy music? No, it never did. I think people give it more credit than it deserves. I think it’s a great experimental record. I don’t know if Dylan was trying to make an ultimate statement about music. I think he was trying to follow his ideas and interests into another area. He follows his own path.

What do you think about Earth 2 today, 20 years after its release? Do you think the album has gotten its due from the press and the public? I think it’s a historical album—it’s 20 years later, and people still consider it to be a very important record. Every time Sunn O))) puts out a record, [Earth 2] gets mentioned—which is a compliment for us. It’s a tower in the musical world.

Read a longer version of this story at THESTRANGER.COM/MUSIC

first “visual album” on Friday via iTunes without any warning or promotion Containing 14 tracks and 17 music videos, the album is naturally titled Beyoncé—the only word synonymous with audio and visuals working together harmoniously. See Danielle Henderson’s review on page 43.

• Sick of Grand Theft Auto V? The Thermals released a lo-fi video game titled Sword by My Side based on their hit track of the same name from their most recent album, Desperate Ground

• Soon after falling in love with the singular songwriting prowess of up-and-coming country star Brandy Clark (whose debut album, 12 Stories, is topping year-end lists by major critics, from New York magazine’s Jody Rosen to NPR’s Ann Powers), The Stranger learned a few things about Ms. Clark that made us appreciate her even more: Not only does she hail from Washington State (Lewis County, represent!), she’s an out-and-proud lesbian. And dear God, she’s good at her job. (For proof, google “Brandy Clark Hungover.”)

• Girls, what’s my weakness? Uhhh, computers! (Okay then.) The Gates Foundation held its holiday party on Thursday evening—the event was nice, the drinks were nice, the food was nice, and the DJ was… SPINDERELLA of Salt-N-Pepa!

• Christmas came early this year: Beyoncé startled the planet by dropping her

• Albums by two Seattle bands made it into prestigious British publication the Wire’s year-end top-15 chart: Midday Veil’s The Current and Master Musicians of Bukkake’s Far West. Cool to see an internationally respected highbrow mag digging our Northwest psych rock so hard.

Comment on this shit at THESTRANGER.COM/MUSIC

THURSDAY

The Crocodile, ReignCity, & KEXP Present: THE PHYSICS DIGITAL WILDLIFE ALBUM RELEASE Dave B, Tangerine, Shelton Harris & Tyler Dopps, DJ Nick Beeba All Ages

ReignCity & Dead Nation Present WAX

Dumbfoundead, EOM, Anderson Paak All Ages

BLACK BREATH Paralyzer, Old Skin, Countdown To Armageddon All Ages

RainCityAmbience.com Presents: RAIN CITY AMBIENCE HOLIDAY SHOW Amsterdam, v=x, Canary, The GNU Deal, Rebel Alley All Ages THURSDAY

Jan. 4th, 10th, & 17th

SURFER BLOOD @ THE SUNSET Tuesday Jan. 21st CROOKS ON TAPE UP & COMING EVERY TUESDAY LIQUID COURAGE KARAOKE

The Crocodile, ReignCity & We Are LTD Present: NEW YEARS EVE: THE FLAVR BLUE X NIGHTMARE FORTRESS Kingdom Crumbs, DJ 100 Proof 21+

Saturday Mar. 1st CIBO MATTO

1/3 & 1/4 BIG ASS BOOMBOX 1/8 & 1/9 AUSTIN JENCKES 1/10 CALIFONE

1/11 AUSTIN JENCKES 1/17 WOODEN SHJIPS 1/18 ANTHONY B AND THE BORN FIRE BAND

1/22 MOON TAXI 1/24 PATTERSON HOOD 1/25 TRUE SPOKES & IAN MCFERON BAND 1/31 JOHNNY FLYNN 2/4 ONEOHTRIX POINT NEVER 2/7 ZION I 2/8 PASSAFIRE & BALLYHOO!

2/14 BOWIEVISION 2/15 SHEARWATER 2/15 MOTHER FALCON @ THE SUNSET 2/18 ANE BRUN 2/28 AER 3/26 LOST IN THE TREES 4/6 DELTA RAE 5/3 WE ARE SCIENTISTS

Bey Day

Beyoncé’s Intensely Beautiful Album Is a Giant Middle Finger to Anyone Who Claims She Isn’t a Real Feminist

BY DANIELLE HENDERSON

In the wee hours of the morning last week, with no warning or promotion, Beyoncé ruined the productivity of a nation by releasing a 14-song, 17-video visual album titled Beyoncé on iTunes.

The collective freak-out was astonishing—reactions ranged from tears to clothes rending to actual shitting of pants, and with a record this good, all of them were appropriate responses. I couldn’t throw my money at her fast enough.

We’ve spent most of this year watching pop artists jockey for who can be the most shocking and irreverent, with most of them failing miserably. Miley Cyrus’s golden grill and pathetic attempts at twerking, Katy Perry’s ridiculously racist costuming at the American Music Awards, and Lady Gaga shoving her ArtPop down our throats as a pathway to artistic respectability are no match for Beyoncé’s explosion of dance, costuming, ballet, and fire. Instead of big talk and heavy promotion about her unique approach to music, she just throws down intensely beautiful shit and drops the mic. She’s not hanging out with Jeff Koons and Marina Abramovic for street cred; instead, she’s making mini-movies with Jonas Akerlund about some kind of sexy, demented hotel where TVs flash brain scans, elderly women in white capes hold hairless cats, and goth twins wearing circus-tent-inspired jumpsuits slink around corners. With Beyoncé, it’s more of a do as I say and do as I do.

should all be doing anyway), but it didn’t include the snippet of a TED talk by Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie urging all women to be feminists. Now it does. The lyrics give a sly nod to any detractors who were pissed off that she called her upcoming tour “The Mrs. Carter Show,” or anyone who claimed she wasn’t a real feminist role model: “I took some time to live my life/But don’t think that I’m just his little wife/Don’t get it twisted/It’s my shit/Bow down, bitches.” I was on my knees and genuflecting before the first verse ended.

And it’s not just that she’s claiming her feminism—she’s specifically claiming black feminism, which is an important distinction to make, since the mainstream feminist movement largely ignores women of color. Her feminism is informed by her race, and since a large portion of her fans are black women, it’s like she made an album just for us. This is a fully realized Beyoncé, saying you can be a feminist and wear high heels, be devoted to your family, wear a freakum dress and Day-Glo spandex, and still come to feminism on your own terms despite what some uppity white bastards think you should be doing. Generally pretty private, Bey lets us into her world through the videos, showing us her carefree, dancing-drunk-on-a-beach side, playing soccer with kids in Brazil, riding the Cyclone at Coney Island with a giant blinking bow on her head, spinning her daughter around on a beach, and enjoying her life and success, all the while claiming every inch of it as feminism.

I’d never purchased an entire Bey album—I’m more of a “Run the World (Girls)” here, “Get Me Bodied” there listener, preferring her danceable upbeat tunes to her more maudlin love songs, so I’m super surprised that I find every song on this album worthwhile, or at least not boring. Beyoncé did the impossible by reviving the concept of the full-length release and making albums appealing again; you can piecemeal the songs, but it’s a more immersive experience to listen to them in order, which is doubly true for the videos. She worked with veteran directors Jonas Akerlund, Hype Williams, and Ricky Saiz to create sweeping, breathtaking works of art (and a few incredibly sexy, sweaty, ass-slapping ones, too).

MON/DECEMBER 30 • 7:30PM (17+) showgirls! the movie hosted by david schmader

TUE/DECEMBER 31 • 7PM DINNER SHOW & 10:30PM DESSERT AN NEW YEAR’S EVENING WITH storm large

THU/JANUARY 2 • 7:30PM CD RELEASE PARTY! seth freeman w/ the cody rentas band

While she’s always been gracious in interviews, Beyoncé is a giant middle finger to her critics. There’s even a part in the video for “Blow” when she bends herself over a bar, lifts a leg in the air, and makes her entire body look like a middle finger. She’s criticized for being too safe, too bougie, and too beauty-queenish, but in my circles, she’s mostly criticized for not being feminist enough. How can a woman with so much power default to her husband, Jay Z, so often, or produce songs like “Cater 2 U”? When she was on the cover of Ms. magazine in June as a “fierce feminist,” the feminist blog world had a collective seizure, convulsing over all the ways they could prove her wrong. And Beyoncé let people speculate about her feminism or lack thereof without saying a word—until she produced the song “Flawless.”

The feminist blog world had a collective seizure, convulsing over all the ways they could prove her wrong.

And whoa, Beyoncé isn’t shy about telling you exactly how, when, and where she likes it. As a nation, how did we ever care so much about JLo’s butt when Beyoncé’s butt was just walking around unnoticed? She is on fire , busting out lyrics like “I want you to turn the cherry out” in “Blow,” wearing a leather bustier with pierced nipples and getting licked by models in “Yoncé,” writhing around in bathtubs in “Rocket,” and basically serving her jewel-encrusted ass on a platter in “Partition.” The entire middle part of this album could be the soundtrack to a porno, and I’ll be shocked if the videos aren’t on heavy rotation at RPlace, but somehow your grandma would still be able to listen to it and say, “Oh yeah, I remember those days,” before telling you a wildly uncomfortable story about her having sex of any kind

SAT/JANUARY 4 • 7:30PM the brian nova all star big band - a tribute to frank, ray and nat

“Flawless” is an anthem, no doubt, but it’s also a definitive answer to any claims about where she stands as a woman and an artist when it comes to feminism. The song leaked this summer as “Bow Down” (which we

This album is surprising, but still in line with the traditional Beyoncé sound. The biggest trick Beyoncé ever played was making you think you could pin her down.

Comment on this story at THESTRANGER.COM/MUSIC

Burial’s Slow Year

The King of UK Dubstep Releases an EP with No Dubstep Beats

BY CHARLES MUDEDE

One year ago, Burial released his sixth EP, Truant/Rough Sleeper

The two tracks on this work were long (“Truant” running almost 12 minutes, and “Rough Sleeper” running almost 14 minutes) and altogether sounded like the fragments of musical ideas for an epic album that existed only in its maker’s mind. But despite the EP’s messiness, it felt strangely organic, like some urban animal that comes out only at night and whose habitat features the moon-glistening tracks of subways, the iridescent pools of leaked and soil-thickened oil, and the sparks of electric cables that link the dead underground city with the living surficial one. The beats on Truant/ Rough Sleeper come alive, hobble for a bit, and then collapse into hisses and crackles. Ghosts enter and exit the tracks. Angels appear and glow in the ambient fog before being extinguished like the lamp on a faulty streetlight. The record has no narrative or theme, no beginning or end. And certain parts—the roughest, rawest parts—seem to have no designer. The sounds are as blind and godless as evolution itself.

But I have made a mistake. I have written the first paragraph of this review under the impression that the whole world knows who Burial is. Because this surely cannot be the case, some of us live in caves and other remote and disconnected parts of this planet, I will take a step back and discuss Burial’s latest EP , Rival Dealer, and contrast it with his 2012 EP, only after this quick background. Burial is a London-based producer who first released an EP , South London Boroughs, in 2005, but became famous in 2006 soon after the ice queen of UK dubstep, Mary Anne Hobbs, played a mix of Burial’s first, self-titled album on the BBC. (The mix was by Steve Goodman, the founder of Hyperdub, Burial’s label.) Though his beats were fundamentally consistent with the sound emerging at that time (a blend of two-step, dub, and jungle), Burial introduced elements that were either completely new or deliberately or unknowingly imported from other regions of electronic music—such as the distortions and tapelike noises of Berlin’s Basic Channel. Burial, whose identity is still in the shadows (though Wikipedia claims it’s a chap who attended secondary school with producer Four Tet, William Bevan), also inaugurated, in my opinion, a whole new genre of music—and I will have more to say about this after my review of Rival Dealer

the first three minutes of his four-minute “Hiders.” It also has the damned ghosts and barely bright angels we expect from a Burial tune. But what unifies the three tracks on this EP, two of which (“Rival Dealer” and “Come Down to Us”) are long, are the beats, which lack the richness and innovation of his other productions. One tune has a disco beat, another an old-school Public Enemy–like beat, and another a generic hiphop beat. Though these beats do not inspire

amazement or change/challenge your sense of time (check out “Ghost Hardware” or the unreleased “Gaslight”), they are by no means bad enough to kill Rival Dealer. The EP has a place in Burial’s world.

He wanted to make a record that was as dark as finding the bloody body of your best mate in an elevator.

Burial’s latest release is actually more coherent than Truant/Rough Sleeper, and it’s more human, more personal, and more existential. I recall Burial once saying (or writing—I used to communicate with him on MySpace) that he wanted to make a record that was as dark as finding the bloody body of your best mate in an elevator. Rival Dealer is not that record, but in parts it does have some of this elevator heaviness—particularly

As I said earlier, Burial not only helped to establish UK dubstep in the mid ’00s, but he also launched a whole new branch of music. There is no name for this new sound yet, but it definitely has its source (shards of R&B or reggae vocals, rattley beats and shaky snare snaps, deep and dubby distortions) in Burial’s first two LPs. For example, Downliners Sekt, a duo that’s based in France but is originally from Barcelona, do not so much imitate Burial as continue, contribute to, enrich his sound in much the same way that Flying Lotus contributes to the sound founded by J Dilla. Locally, Burial is well-represented by Slow Year, whose recent self-titled album was released by Hush Hush Records, a label run by KEXP DJ Alex Ruder. Slow Year is Edward Haller (with occasional help from Brian Binning), and what he does to the Burial sound is deemphasize its beats and expand its gorgeous ghostly melancholy. Slow Year’s gem is “Guts,” which shows Haller not only listened to Burial deeply, but he has something very new and very personal to add to this line of musical dreaming. Slow Year has put Seattle on the Burial map.

Comment on the damned ghosts at THESTRANGER.COM/MUSIC

MY PHILOSOPHY

NACHO PICASSO,

THE

PHYSICS, NOTTUS TRE

Ladies and gentlemen and lowlifes! No, especially lowlifes—Nacho Picasso is having an album-release party for his dumb-slap High & Mighty over at Neumos on December 19. Let the “Duck Tales” commence, just try not to look like “The Lick.”

Back in March of 2011, Seattle’s cornerstone crew the Physics dropped a song via their Bandcamp called “Fix You.” The song’s pulsating electronic sound was a clear departure from their characteristic organic, dusty-meets-live warmth—as exemplified by the album they dropped a handful of months later, the sumptuous summer-fling soundtrack Love Is a Business. “Fix You,” it was said, would be on an album called Digital Wildlife, further mining this sultry electro-soul dimension. That year, and the next, played out with no more mention of Wildlife—2012 instead brought us Tomorrow People, another home run from the Physics, but still mostly in their established comfort zone. I back-burnered thoughts of this alleged new direction from their camp, thinking that the tracks might have gotten stolen during their February studio robbery. Last month, however, brought us two new singles from Digital Wildlife

“Am I Crazy” and “Play It Off” (which had nothing to do with Keyboard Cat, sadly)—and now, the fairly long-awaited album from one of our city’s most sterling collectives has arrived. Happily, it was well worth the wait. Smoky and spare, this is every bit the futuristic boudoir soul they promised—euphoric synths caress, well-chosen drums tap, (sampled?) guitars lick, songs spend themselves pleasantly before bouncing back for unexpected second rounds. Justo, who’s gone from promising bedroom beat-maker to pro-class business, has turned in his best work to date, bridging the vibes of currently in-vogue future-soul to the airy atomic funk of Dam-Funk. Thig Nat is on his Idris Elba dapper deal, cool as a fan while spitting his minimalist come-ons, even better with the love-buzzed, cognac-smooth choruses—every now and then, just a touch 808’s Ye–ish, and quite possibly mechanically assisted, but never harshly or obviously so. Their catalog stands up, just like you ought to, Seattle—do just that as they release Wildlife at the Crocodile on December 21, with Dave B, emergent indie-pop sweethearts Tangerine, Shelton Harris & Tyler Dopps, and BFA’s smilin’ DJ Nick Beeba Roll out west with me real quick—I got ahold of The Methadone Musical from West Seattle MC Nottus Tre. Like the name might imply,w Musical is straight paraphernalia, opioid-sick with a seriously confident Tre outlining his lyrical supremacy and underworld bona fides. Guests Smoke DZA, Fatal Lucciauno, and Cam the Mac—not to mention some decent production from Traq Addicc and T-Kewl—all assist his poker-faced dope-slang punch-line-thick stylings. Check highlights “Feel Right,” “Go Westside,” and “I’m Flavin,” among others. I never lived out that way (though I finished out middle school at Madison), but I’m definitely digging the recent rise of Westside rap pride, so y’all keep it lit—but please, don’t do drugs, kids. Jesus.

COMING UP

TUESDAY 1/7 TENNIS

WEDNESDAY 1/15 CLOUD CONTROL

THURSDAY 1/16 RICHIE ALDENTE

SATURDAY 1/18 THE BGP

FRIDAY 1/31 THE PACK AD

TUESDAY 2/11 DELOREAN

COMING SOON 1/11 Maria Taylor • 1/17 Stag • 1/20 Superhumanoids • 1/21 Drenge • 1/22 Mutual Benefit • 1/23 Robert DeLong • 2/10 Quilt • 2/19 Lawrence Rothman • 2/22 DJ Spooky • 2/24 Xiu Xiu • 2/25 A Tribe Called Red • 2/26 Hospitality • 2/28 Agesandages • 3/2 together Pangea • 3/7 Angel Olsen • 3/14 Pigpen Theatre Co. • 3/22 Yellow Ostrich

THURSDAY 1/9

FRIDAY 12/20

JUST GOT PAID FRIDAYS INFERNO SATURDAYS 925 E. PIKE STREET

NEUMOS LOWER LEVEL DANCE NIGHTS THEBARBOZA.COM

NEVER HEARD OF ’EM

BY ANNA MINARD

Anna Minard claims to “know nothing about music.” For this column, we force her to listen to random records by artists considered to be important by music nerds.

PHIL SPECTOR

A Christmas Gift for You (Philles)

They want you to write about this fuckin’ convicted murderer, huh? No way. You are not doing that. You have principles. Right? They say you’ll love it anyway, but you’re not going to. No! Not this woman-murdering, horrible-wig-wearing dude. So it’s not actually him singing. So it’s cheerful and wholesome and Christmas-y. Doesn’t matter! Ignore this.

It’s hard to ignore, because this is great I mean, the producing isn’t great! Nuh-uh! The producing sounds totally, y’know, murder-y! But… it’s all pretty goddamn catchy. “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town” with retro pop-soul wonderfulness, a “Ding-a-ling, ding-dong-ding” chorus behind “Sleigh Ride”? Who are these vocalists?! (The Crystals and the Ronettes.) Amazing! I mean, Christmas music is crap; we’re all exhausted by it. But who can argue with these jingle bells and the horses in the background and the smiling girl-group style? I bet they’re wearing matching outfits. It’s hard to hate. No! You are not liking this! Distract yourself! I always find a good distraction to be getting drunk and playing Oregon Trail. Did you know you can still play that online? I always forget how much everyone always drowns in this game! Try to ford one river and bam, half your party is dead. Also interesting: If you played this in elementary school, were you someone who named all the characters after your friends (like me) or someone who named all the characters Butts, Poop, and Boogers? A friend was reminiscing about the hilarity of reading “Butts has died of dysentery.” I didn’t even think of that as a kid. What a prude. Wait, what is that squelchy horn in the background of “Marshmallow World”? Oh god, am I enjoying a saxophone this much? That’s just embarrassing. And on the second half of the album, there’s a new addition of these tik-tik-tik musical sticks knocking together—it’s fantastic. “Parade of the Wooden Soldiers” opens with shining trumpets—you can just see the trumpeters, at least three in a row, also in matching outfits, moving back and forth in unison— then a verse, then a tikka-tik-tik-tik-tik solo. Is it just drumsticks?

Okay, crap: Obviously, this music is pretty wonderful. Liking it doesn’t mean you have to condone murder. Just enjoy it, and ignore the specter of Spector. WAIT, HE RUINED IT! AT THE VERY END! DAMN YOU, PHIL SPECTOR!!! The last track is: Phil Spector talking directly to the listener. “Hello, this is Phil Spector.” He’s talking about his feelings and music and Christmas. Ewww! Do yourself a favor: Find a way to delete the last track

I give this a “Merry Christmas, nonmurderers!” out of 10.

HE WHOSE OX IS GORED HOLIDAY STOPMOTION OX SPECIAL

He Whose Ox Is Gored are the Seattle guardians of doomgaze. Their guitar-synth alloy metal carves with deep boring drill bits made of diamond. Guitarist Brian McClelland rips riffs meticulously. His adroit shit is absolutely on fire in the domain of legerdemain. Lisa Mungo’s array of synths cake and pave the tunnel of their sound. Bassist Mike Sparks and drummer John O’Connell stomp with girth. This Ox hits heavy, but smoke rings rise from its amethyst crater in perfect violet ovals. The band has been working with Randall Dunn, Matt Bayles, and Robert Cheek in Red Room Studio, Avast!, and ExEx Audio on a forthcoming full-length called The Camel, the Lion, the Child.

And now we present you with the He Whose Ox Is Gored Stop-Motion Holiday Ox Special. Basically, just the 1964 Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer after lots of beer. Starring David Lee Roth.

Can I say Oxmas? Has anyone said that before? You can say whatever you want.

Instead of Rudolph’s nose glowing, what if it’s his balls? No wrong answers here. Okay.

What goes on at Santa’s factory? Do we need a plot? Why is Santa so into David Lee Roth? Rob Ford as Santa? Macklemore or Russell Wilson as Rudolph? Glenn Danzig as Donner? Santa is fat and fucked up, but nice sometimes. Macklemore is Rudolph.

What if we just argued about who would voice the characters and never really told the story? Sounds good.

Santa wraps his cock in bacon and has priests eat it off in a special Cock-Bacon Priest Fondle Lounge. Dickeating priests voiced by Dick Cheney, Arnold Schwarzenegger, John Boehner, and Jerry Sandusky. Schwarzenegger keeps thinking he’s in the sequel to Wreck-It Ralph I thought we were just going to argue about who voices the characters. But all that sounds good.

your album and recording. What’s the status? Brian McClelland: Well, we started in August at Red Room where we tracked drums and bass with Robert Cheek (Tera Melos, Deftones) and followed him to ExEx Audio, his studio. We tracked all of the guitars there and most of the keyboards. We mixed everything down with Matt Bayles. Then we hit the vocals at ExEx.

Lisa Mungo: From there, I called Randall Dunn (Earth, Sunn O))), Rose Windows) and we tracked the rest of the keys at Avast!. He even did a couple takes on one song.

When is it coming out? What does the title The Camel, the Lion, the Child mean? Talk about the new track “Cairo.” BM: “Cairo” is a sequel to an earlier song of ours called “Pyramids on the Horizon,” which is featured on our new Nightshade 10-inch EP, out now on Vita Records on black and clear with black splatter vinyl, available at Chop Suey on December 21. The track itself is about trying to find something in the unknown, and for this record, the desert becomes a wasteland of being. The Camel, the Lion, the Child is a Nietzsche reference about self-actualization where the sands become an element of uncertainty. The sessions were intense.

I saw a picture of Lisa in a studio, and it looked like there were 17 keyboards. Which ones did she end up liking and recording with? What synth sounds fit for the Ox? LM: Yeah, that’s Randall’s studio. We definitely pulled out the toys for that one. We used his grand piano, a Hammond with a Leslie, and a number of his monophonic analog synth dudes. I can’t even remember what was in tow, he had such a cool library of sound.

Define doomgaze. BM: A title bequeathed to us by a troll. Doomgaze refers generally to a fullness created from texture and depth in the heavy scene, made by bands like Jesu and Isis. Typically, it’s a mixture of synth and down-tuned guitar to create a lilting, brooding tone, á la Blut Aus

Nord. Or from Wing Wednesday at the Victory Lounge, like frowning at your Chucks, wishing you hadn’t ordered that extra side of buffalo sauce.

Michele Bachmann plays Heat Miser. She runs around banging baby elk in the ass with a strap-on dildo/tusk made out of ivory. Yes.

Maybe Santa and his elves make all the gifts, but there are no children because they all died of cancer from Fukushima. Who plays the Abominable Snow Monster? That Lorde chick.

Who voices Yukon Cornelius? Who is Mrs. Claus? Shawn Kemp: Cornelius. Mrs. Claus: Chris Cornell.

The end. Now get me up to date on

You toured in October. Do tell of some high jinks that went down. LM: You mean besides shooting off fireworks from a Jacuzzi and smoking weed with hookers on the strip in Vegas as the sun came up? We tried to break into a paintball course in Utah, but the bolt cutters we stole from Reno didn’t work. Luckily, we got some free taquitos out of that whole ordeal, but other than that, not much this time.

BM: Yeah, pretty tame this time around.

LM: Nothing compared to coming back to Big Mario’s, ha-ha…

Read the rest of this interview at THESTRANGER.COM/MUSIC

Her bizarre upbringing, tales of a babyobsessed mother and an unwavering desire to stay independent all play a part in making this sweet 5’1” spitfire one of the most unique stand-up comedians around. Named Seattle’s Best Comedian by Seattle Weekly!

UP&COMING

Lose what your mama gave ya every night this week!

For the full music calendar, see page 53 or visit thestranger.com/music For ticket on-sale announcements, follow twitter.com/seashows

Wednesday 12/18

Capsula, Special Explosion (El Corazón) This looks like the most interesting thing happening tonight: ornery, sexy, tuneful garage rock of Argentinian descent. The trio of Duchess (bass, vocals), Martin Guevara (guitar, vocals), and Natxo Solimo (drums, percussion) generate classic Stooges-esque swagger, epitomized by Guevara’s Iggy-ish sneer and Ron Asheton–ic guitar musculature. One may also detect a fondness for Boss Hog, the short-lived band powered by Cristina Martinez and Jon Spencer, and Mexican freaks Los Dug Dug’s. While they’re far from original, Capsula do capture the visceral thrill of quick-reflexed, sinewy rock that’s not allergic to melody. Bonus: Their repertoire includes a luminous, lambent cover of Black Sabbath’s eerie psych ballad “Planet Caravan.” DAVE SEGAL

Thursday 12/19

Sallie Ford & the Sound Outside, And the Kids, Red Jacket Mine (Crocodile) Portland-residing Sallie Ford’s amazing voice, sounding like it time-traveled through a scratchy 1950s portable radio, is the real star of this show. It’s a rough, sass-mouthed croon that curls at times into a punkish-rockabilly shout. So recognizable, so familiar, but unique, too. The tickles and licks of bass, guitar, and drums behind her are smart and solid, shrinking and swelling from melody to noise, and the lyrics are badass. Sexy, feminist, strange. This is a perfect show for a winter night. ANNA MINARD See also Underage, page 58.

Nacho Picasso

(Neumos) Nacho Picasso has become some type of super-antihero to Seattle underground fans over the last few years, since his collaborative albums with production duo Blue Sky Black Death helped pioneer a new, much darker, and way more intoxicated wave of local rap in 2011 and 2012. Though trends come and go faster than ever these days and some naysayers have doubted Nacho’s solo staying power, his new release, High & Mighty, is a backhanded slap to the face of all of them. Stepping up every aspect of his rapping, from his writing and punch lines to switching up styles and deliveries, Nacho half-cruises/half-shreds through 12 different-sounding tracks (everything from Bay Area “hyphy”/DJ Mustard “ratchet” bangers to syrupy Auto-Tune hooks can be found here) produced by a host of talent (notably including Jake One, Vitamin D, and Raised Byy Wolves), and it’s more than enough to prove he’s still the (lizard) king of local underground rap. MIKE RAMOS See also My Philosophy, page 45.

Bigtime, 3rd Degree, Dil Withers, Black Magic Noize, Vaughnilla

(Lo-Fi Performance Gallery) For fans of the crackling boom-bap of sorely missed producer J Dilla and/or beat wizard Madlib, Lo-Fi presents an evening of (mostly) instrumental hiphop goodness. Triscuits Vaughnilla’s latest release, sees the Kirkland producer in a subdued mode, all soulful vocal snippets and dusty breaks. Excellent mood music for the leafless trees and heavy skies this time of year. The mysterious Dil Withers weaves together tapestries of jazz, soul, and mean-mugging old-school rap. Headliners Bigtime are a bit more straightforward, favoring up-rocking electronic beats, sultry vocals,

get your Kangol bopping. KYLE FLECK

Friday 12/20

RL Grime (Neptune) See Data Breaker, page 57.

Motor IX: Pete Swanson, Chris Davis, TJ Max, DJ Slow (Chop Suey) See Data Breaker, page 57, and Stranger Suggests, page 23.

Mike Servito, DJ Struggle, DJ Energy Flash (Re-bar) See Data Breaker, page 57.

X, the Blasters (El Corazón) Even on their now-33-year-old debut records, X and the Blasters had deeper musical roots than their peers in the LA punk scene, with X powering their punk with rockabilly beats and deep folk harmonies, and the Blasters mining the golden intersection of rock ’n’ roll and country & western. Now, they’re the elder statespersons they started out emulating, and still kicking hard. Landing at El Corazón for two-night run, “A Family X-mas with X and the Blasters” finds both bands (who’ve shared a member or two over the years) banging out classics from their respective, vast, brilliant songbooks. DAVID SCHMADER

Scriptures, Kingdom of the Holy Sun, Hypatia Lake, House of Light (Waid’s) Tonight the Central District gets a heap-

And the Kids Thursday 12/19 at Crocodile

ing vat of Northwestern psych rock. Hypatia Lake and Scriptures have been dealing in epic, elemental songwriting/soundscaping for years, the former conjuring Mercury Rev–like expanses of space through deftly FX’d guitars and the latter forging a dustier brand of broad-shouldered, big-skied instrumental rock à la Godspeed You! Black Emperor. Newer Seattle group Kingdom of the Holy Sun just dropped their Surya’s Smile II album, which reins in their more sprawling tendencies for a tighter, slightly sunnier take on psychedelia while still maintaining a serpentine grandeur. And, yes, vocalist Guido Anselmi sounds like Jim Morrison; get over (or under) it. Portland via Berlin and Melbourne’s House of Light boast solid songwriting chops and trade in a surging, romantic strain of psych rock that recalls ’80s stalwarts the Church and Echo and the Bunnymen. DAVE SEGAL

The Comettes, the Young Evils, the Hoot Hoots (Tractor) The Comettes show promise in the new reverb-psych world in much the same way that the Black Angels did—by revisiting familiar themes without getting too nostalgic for what’s already been done. Drummer Jettie Wilce rolls into their tom-heavy, icy psychedelic jams, while Farfisa master Timmy Sunshine’s organ swells and grooves complement guitarist Sager Small’s fuzzy, reverb-drenched shredding. There is a unique immediacy to their aural explorations; they manage to both reference previous psychedelic expeditions and somehow still break new ground. Seattle trio the Young Evils create sweet and tangy poprock nuggets, their ultra-catchy songs bursting with bubblegum/sunshine by way of twee punk: Think Elephant 6 vibes, in the best way possible. Every Young Evils song’s a potential hit. BREE MCKENNA

LOUNGE

12.19 Thursday (Holiday Bluegrass) DAROL ANGER & THE CASCADIA ALL-STARS

“Keep-It-In-The-Fam Holiday Show”

$15 adv / $20 dos, 7pm doors, 8pm show, ALL AGES w/ 21+ bar

12.20 Friday (Funk)

LITTLE BIG BAND w/ special guests BERNIE WORRELL and SKERIK w/ Tip To Base, DJ Darek Mazzone

$10 adv / $15 dos, 8pm doors, 21+

12.27 Friday (Funk)

THE MOTET

World’s Finest, DJ Leopold Bloom

$12 adv / $16 dos, 8pm doors, 21+

12.28 Saturday (Bhangra / Dance)

JAI HO! Masquerade Ball

Pre New Year’s Eve Bollywood Party

Hosted by Prashant - Singer, Dancer, DJ

$10 before 10pm / $12 after 10pm*

*Subject to increase, 9pm doors, 21+

More info & tickets here: jaihoparty.com

12/29 Jeff Crosby & the Refugees 12/31 Nite Wave NEON NYE 1/4 Bad Tenants 1/9 Sadistik 1/10 Publish The Quest 1/11 Elton Jah 1/15 Ill-Esha / Buku

Yogoman Burning Band, Guardian Alien, DJ Marc Muller (Columbia City Theater) Yogoman Burning Band are all about upbeat, maximalist, horn-laden funk. Fronted by charisma-oozing vocalist/conductor/ drummer Jordan Rain, the Bellingham-based collective are influenced by Jamaican rocksteady as well as the party-starting brass bands of New Orleans. The Burning Band allows no idle asses; booties must move. So uncross your arms and shake what your mama gave ya, all ye cool kids. KYLE FLECK

Saturday 12/21

Dancer and Prancer (Rendezvous Grotto) See Stranger Suggests, page 23.

X, the Blasters (El Corazón) See Friday.

He Whose Ox Is Gored, Grenades, Drunk Dad, Caligula (Chop Suey) Despite them having the most hustle of any band in Seattle’s cerebral underground metal scene, it’s been over two years since we’ve heard any new He Whose Ox Is Gored recordings. But after listening to Ox’s 2011 two-song Nightshade EP, one can easily understand that these kinds of songs don’t come to fruition quickly. “Charming the Snake” and “Nightshade” feature the kind of textures, dynamics, and technical musicianship that require some serious hours in the practice space. The band is currently in the studio wrapping up mixes for its next full-length with Matt Bayles, whose past work with Mastodon and Isis makes a perfect match for Ox’s combination of agile guitar work and layered ambience. Tonight’s show commemorates the vinyl release of Nightshade and provides a sneak peek for material off the upcoming album. BRIAN COOK See also Sound Check, page 47.

Brain Fruit, Plankton Wat, Total Life, DJ Veins

(Machine House Brewery) Quite a heady lineup tonight for this newish Georgetown bar. You get Brain Fruit’s kosmische synths-and-drums explorations, Total Life’s Zen-noise drones, and the gentlesouled psychedelia of Plankton Wat (ex–Eternal Tapestry/Edibles guitarist Dewey Mahood). Plankton Wat draws on the powerful tributaries of the Grateful Dead’s seemingly paradoxical pastoral/ astral proclivities, but makes them more interiorized. His oracular, pretty songs evoke the feeling that you’re in on a mystical secret that’s only revealed through the vibrations of Mahood’s pensively strummed and plucked guitar strings. Last but least, DJ Veins, who (full disclosure) is the fool writing this blurb. DAVE SEGAL

Rose Windows, Unnatural Helpers, Low Hums (Neumos) Seattle’s Rose Windows play hazy folk-

JOEY DEFRANCESCO TRIO

TUE, DEC 17 - WED, DEC 18

The finest jazz organist on the planet!

THE GYPSY ALLSTAR feat. GIPSY KINGS FAMILY MARIO

REYES and GEORGE REYES

THU, DEC 19 - SUN, DEC 22

The Indo-gypsy fusion project returns by popular demand! An All-Star global sound featuring Gipsy Kings family Mario Reyes and George Reyes

PONCHO SANCHEZ AND HIS LATIN JAZZ BAND

FRI, DEC 27 - TUE, DEC 31

NYE CELEBRATION 4 PACKAGE OPTIONS

Grammy-winning Master Conguero Poncho Sanchez and his legendary 7-piece firey Latin jazz band

KPLU 88.5FM PRESENTS PEARL DJANGO with special guest BUCKY PIZZARELLI

THU, JAN 2 - SUN, JAN 5

Seattle-based gypsy jazz favorites with jazz guitar great!

TUCK AND PATTI

TUE, JAN 7 - WED, JAN 8

American jazz guitar and vocal duo, celebrating 35 years! 2033

psych that swirls and shifts like earth-toned kaleidoscopic images formed with ribbons of incense smoke. The band’s seven members each bring heaps of talent to the table, from lead singer Rabia Qazi’s deep and versatile voice to Veronica Dye’s enchanting flute to Chris Cheveyo’s songwriting, which mixes in sounds that hark back to mid-’60s San Francisco and the drug-tinged alterna-rock of the late 1980s. With the blistering sweat jams of the Unnatural Helpers and the desert drone rock of Low Hums. EMILY NOKES

The Physics, Tangerine, DJ Nick Beeba (Crocodile) The Physics, one of the 206’s leading hiphop acts for the past six years, have just released a new album called Digital Wildlife. The mode of this work is very mellow, very clean (in terms of production), and robotically romantic (in terms of mood), but it also does not break with their other releases—Tomorrow People, Love Is a Business, and Future Talk. True, there is an unusually large dose of singing on this recording (and one track, the lovely “Pay It Off,” is all soul vocals), but as a whole, Digital Wildlife still sounds and feels like the other beats made by the talented trio of Thig Nat, Monk Wordsmith, and Justo. CHARLES MUDEDE See also My Philosophy, page 45.

11th Annual Benefit Show for MUSICARES: Aaron Daniels, the Chasers, Robb Benson, Eldridge Gravy and the Court Supreme, and more (Tractor) Don’t you dare call any one of these bands and ask them to “put you on the list” for this night. Nearly all of the $10 you spend at the door goes directly to MusiCares, an amazing and muchneeded safety net for musicians and people in the music biz—people who often have to work crappy jobs without dental or health insurance, so that they can take time off to tour and stay focused on making actual music. When a financial or medical emergency strikes, sometimes MusiCares is the only place that does care. It’s a worthy cause. And these six bands/artists will perform Pink Floyd’s album The Wall in its entirety, which is a damn worthy album. Everybody wins! KELLY O

Sunday 12/22

The Music of ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’ (Royal Room) See Stranger Suggests, page 23.

Monday 12/23

Eagles and Aliens, Wildlife Indoors, Dead End Friends

(Crocodile) Listening to Eagles and Aliens is a little like sitting in on your friends’ band practice: You’re nodding your head encouragingly, but you sort of just want to play games on your phone. It’s vaguely aggro, decently executed rock music, and that’s pretty much it. More intriguing to these ears are the sounds of Wildlife Indoors, who traffic in spoken/sung, slightly shaggy post punk. Their track

“Come to Your Door” could almost pass for Slint at points, which is no small praise. Newish Seattle duo Dead End Friend will open with their heavy yet harmonious combination of blues and classic rock.

KYLE FLECK

Tuesday 12/24

McTuff Trio

(Seamonster Lounge) If you want organ-centric jazz for free (no free jazz, though), you can’t do much better than Seattle’s McTuff Trio. Led by Hammond organ maestro Joe Doria, McTuff also contain one of the region’s most dexterous guitarists, Andy Coe, drummer Tarik Abouzied, and, sometimes, wild-card saxophonist Skerik. Along with Afrocop but in a bit more of straightahead manner than that younger group, McTuff Trio write alluringly malleable tunes, redolent of soul, ablaze with technical virtuosity, and often funky. And they do a radical reinvention of the Beatles’ “She’s So Heavy” that deserves a Nobel or something. They play Seamonster for free every Tuesday, so it’s easy to take them for granted, but these guys would be a bargain at $20 a gig.

DAVE SEGAL

TUE

Hear both traditional and jazzy excerpts of Tchaikovsky’s beloved Nutcracker, Gershwin’s famous Rhapsody in Blue with Canadian pianist Jon Kimura Parker, music from Star Wars and much more. Then, count down to midnight at a post-concert party with H.B. Radke and the Jet City Swingers in Benaroya Hall’s beautiful Grand Lobby.

Bands: Guests, 8:30 pm

PINK DOOR Casey MacGill & the Blue 4 Trio, 8 pm

THE ROYAL ROOM Pamela Yasutake, 8 pm, $15/$18 SEAMONSTER Rippin Chicken, 10 pm, free SHIP CANAL GRILL The Canteloupes Jazz Jam, 7:30 pm

SKYLARK CAFE & CLUB

Open Mic: Guests

STUDIO SEVEN Gary Ho Ho Hoey, Stonebender, 7 pm SUNSET TAVERN My Cartoon Heart, Nick Drummer, Oliver Franklin, $6

TRACTOR TAVERN Blackheart Honeymoon, Kite Repair, Rory James and the Majestic, 8 pm, $8

TULA’S Dave Marriott Big Band, 7:30 pm, $10

VITO’S RESTAURANT & LOUNGE The Wally Shoup Quartet

DJ

BALTIC ROOM Crunk: DJ Henski, Marty Mar, Blue Eyed Soul, Bgeezy, guests CONTOUR Rotation Tryouts: Guests

THE EAGLE VJDJ Andy J ELECTRIC TEA GARDEN Passage: Jayms Nylon, Joey Webb, guests

HAVANA SoulShift: Peter Evans, Devlin Jenkins, Richard Everhard, $1 LAST SUPPER CLUB Vibe

Wednesday: Jame$Ervin, DT, Contagious

LAVA LOUNGE Mod Fuck Explosion: DJ Deutscher Meister

MOE BAR The Hump: DJ Darwin, DJ Swervewon, guests, 10:30 pm, free NEIGHBOURS Undergrad: Guest DJs, $5/$8 PONY Body 2 Body: 10 pm SEE SOUND LOUNGE Fade: DJ Chinkyeye, DJ Christyle, 10 pm

THURS

12/19

LIVE a THE BLACK DOG Laura Meyer, 7:30 pm, donation BLUE MOON TAVERN Not a Real Flag, Blackburn, Good Men and Thorough CAFE RACER Earl Brooks CAN CAN Vince Mira CHOP SUEY Nouela, Cristina Bautista + Gold Parts, Jeff Shocki, 8 pm, $7/$8

COLUMBIA CITY THEATER Sam Russell and the Harborrats, Justin Froese, Jeff Grant, 8 pm, $6/$8

CONOR BYRNE John Totten, Pete Jordan, Tabitha Antionette, 9:30 pm

DRUNK OF THE WEEK

DEAR SANTA…

Please don’t call me a cougar (or a fag hag again!), but for Christmas this year, I’d like for you to use your magical powers to make it so that more of the men in Seattle bars go topless (especially the ones with nice, hairy chests). I know it’s a weird request, but I think it’s a positive one. Also, last year I asked you if you’d move that Portland club Silverado up here, but I’m still waiting—any news? Thanks! Oh, and I left you some cookies (and a vodka soda). With love, KELLY O

a CROCODILE Sallie

Ford & the Sound Outside, And the Kids, Red Jacket Mine, 8 pm, $15

DISTRICT LOUNGE Cassia

DeMayo Quintet, 8 pm, free EL CORAZON I Like Science, Out on the Streets, Not From Brooklyn, 8:30 pm, $5/$7

a GUAYMAS CANTINA

Oleaje Flamenco, 8 pm, free

HARD ROCK CAFE Jeff Ferrell, Jamie Nova, 8 pm, $5

HIGH DIVE Blood Hot Beat, Virgin, the Rainiers, $7

HIGHLINE Ocelot Omelet, 9:30 pm, $6

HIGHWAY 99 A Tribute to Billie Holiday: Guests, 8 pm, free

JAZZ ALLEY The Gypsy Allstars, 7:30 pm, $26.50

LITTLE RED HEN

Jukehouse Hounds, $3

LO-FI Bigtime, 3rd Degree, Dil Withers, Black Magic Noize, Vaughnilla

LUCID The Hang: Caffeine, 9:30 pm, free

NECTAR Keep It In the Fam Holiday Show: Darol Anger & Friends, 7 pm, $15

a NEUMOS Nacho Picasso, 8 pm, $10

NEW ORLEANS The Joseph Barton Trio, 8 pm

PINK DOOR Bric-a-Brac, 8 pm

THE ROYAL ROOM Richard Thompson Tribute Show: Guests, 9:30 pm, $20/$25

SCARLET TREE How Now Brown Cow, 9:30 pm, free

SEAMONSTER Black

Zabrek, free

THE STEPPING STONE PUB Open Mic: Guests

STUDIO SEVEN Allegience, Silence the Messenger, Confines, Among The Mayans, 7 pm

SUNSET TAVERN Bear Cove, Heels to the Hardwood, Alotau, $6

TIM’S TAVERN Steel Beans

TRACTOR TAVERN Dismal

Tide, Keaton Collective, Lanford Black, 8 pm, $8

TULA’S Fred Hoadley’s Sonando, 8 pm, $10

VITO’S RESTAURANT & LOUNGE Jennifer Kienzle and Friends, Casey MacGill, 5:30 pm, free

THE WHITE RABBIT Marmalade, $6

DJ

BALLROOM DJ Rob, free

BALTIC ROOM Revolution:

DonnaTella Howe, Olivia LaGarce, guests

THE EAGLE Nasty: DJ King of Pants, Nark

HAVANA Sophisticated

Mama: DJ Sad Bastard, DJ

Nitty Gritty

LAST SUPPER CLUB Open House: Guests

LO-FI Noctum Caro: Guests

MERCURY Dark Industry Night: Guests, $5

MOE BAR Soundsystem: DJ Panamami, free

NEIGHBOURS Jet Set Thursdays: Guest DJs

NEIGHBOURS UNDERGROUND The Lowdown: DJ Lightray, $3

OHANA Chill: DJ MS

PONY Billion Dollar Babies: DJ Aykut Ozen, Pretty Baby

SEE SOUND LOUNGE

Damn Son: DJ Flave, Sativa

Sound System, Jameson Just, Tony Goods, $5 after 10:30 pm

THERAPY LOUNGE

DUH.: DJ Omar, guests

TRINITY Space Thursdays: Rise Over Run, DJ Christyle, Johnny Fever, DJ Nicon, Sean Majors, B Geezy, guests, free

THE WOODS Pure

Thursdays: Omar Valadez, MMars, Chris T, 10 pm, free

CLASSICAL

CHAPEL PERFORMANCE

SPACE Christian Pincock

Cathy Sorbo

EL CORAZON X, the Blasters, 8 pm, $25/$30 HARD ROCK CAFE Prelude to a Pistol, Victims of Eternity, the Last Great Love, $10/$13 HIGH DIVE Omni, Metameric, the Filthy None, $10 HIGHLINE Load Levelers, $6

HIGHWAY 99 A Tribute to Billie Holiday: Guests, 8 pm, free

JAZZ ALLEY The Gypsy Allstars, 9:30 pm, $26.50

JOSEPHINE Medieval

Eternity, Headless Pez, Northern Bastard, guests, 7:30 pm

LITTLE RED HEN Train Wreck, $5

LO-FI Cute Lepers, the Hugs, Branden Daniel and the Chics, Brother James and the Soul-vation, $7

LUCID Fade Jazz Quartet, Acoustic Fantasy, 6 pm

NECTAR Little Big Band, Bernie Worrell and Skerik, Tip To Base, 8 pm, $10 a NEPTUNE THEATRE RL Grime, $16.50/$18

NEUMOS Deep Sea Diver, Bryan John Appleby, 8 pm, $12

PARAGON Levi Said, free RAVIOLI STATION TRAINWRECK Dizzy, guests

a THE ROYAL ROOM

Piano Royale, 5:30 pm, Sunchasers, Crystal Beth, Pigpen, 8:30 pm

SEAMONSTER Funky 2 Death, 10 pm, free

SKYLARK CAFE & CLUB

We Say Bang, the Loveless Building, Dangerfield Newby

SLIM’S LAST CHANCE Stafford and the Bentz Bros.

STUDIO SEVEN Mayhem Holiday Havok: Guests, $5/$10

SUNSET TAVERN Annie Ford Band, Evening Bell, Dean Johnson, 10 pm, $8

TIM’S TAVERN Butterflies of Death, Rainy Day Devils, Indecent Liberty

TRACTOR TAVERN The Comettes, the Young Evils,

the Hoot Hoots, $8

TULA’S Scenes Trio, 7:30 pm, $15

VITO’S RESTAURANT & LOUNGE The New Triumph

WAID’S Scriptures, Kingdom of the Holy Sun, Hypatia Lake, House of Light

THE WHITE RABBIT Hunter Destroyer, Infinite Flux, Hammontree Band, $6

DJ

95 SLIDE DJ Fever One

BALLROOM DJ Tamm of KISS fm

BALMAR Body Movin’ Fridays: DJ Ben Meadow, free BALTIC ROOM Dirty Work: Rotating DJs including Sean Majors, BGeezy, Mikey Mars, Sir Kuts, guests

BARBOZA Just Got Paid: 100proof, $5 after 11:30 pm

CHOP SUEY Motor IX: Guests, $10

CONTOUR Afterhours, 2 am CUFF TGIF: C&W Dancing: DJ Harmonix, DJ Stacey, 7 pm, Guest DJs, 11 pm, $5

ELECTRIC TEA GARDEN All Ours: D-t3ch, Mikey V, Jason Curtis, the Architects, 10 pm, $10

FUEL DJ Headache, guests

HAVANA Rotating DJs: DV One, Soul One, Curtis, Nostalgia B, Sean Cee, $5

LAST SUPPER CLUB

Madness: Guests

MERCURY Black Light District: Psyop, Skinlayers

NEIGHBOURS

BY ADRIAN RYAN

UNDERGROUND Caliente

Celebra: DJ Polo, Efren

OHANA Back to the Day: DJ Estylz

PONY Shenanigans: DJ Porq,

DJ kKost

SCARLET TREE Oh So Fresh

Fridays: Deejay Tone, DJ

Buttnaked, guests

THERAPY LOUNGE Rapture:

Guests, $3 after 11 pm

TRINITY Tyler, DJ Phase, DJ Nug, guests, $10

THE WOODS Deep/Funky/ Disco/House: Guest DJs

CLASSICAL

BENAROYA HALL Seattle

Symphony Presents Handel’s

Messiah: Seattle Symphony

CHAPEL PERFORMANCE

SPACE Noisegasm + Distorrent, 290-1601

SAT

12/21

LIVE

2

BIT SALOON Theories, Lb!, Phantom Tank, Hurry Up and Die, Earthmother

BALMAR Rotating DJ Night:

Guests, 9:30 pm

BLUE MOON TAVERN

Yucca Mountain, Mean Street

Meanie, Hopeless Jack and the Handsome Devil

CAFE RACER Erika Lundahl, Kyle Levien

CENTRAL SALOON The Lounge Vultures, Ready Steady Go

WEDNESDAY 12/18

FOR THE HOLIDAYS, SOME HAM Ham for the Holidays opened last week, and I failed to mention it entirely because HOMO FOR THE HOLIDAYS is what. I am now firmly on record with the opinion that it is the best holiday show in the known universe, and so that naturally grants it a certain precedence. However, I would be negligent if I overlooked this show any further, so this week it’s all about the Ham. I’ve never met a soul who doesn’t JUST FUCKING LOVE the delightful duo that is Peggy Platt and Lisa Koch (or Dos Fallopia, as the kids are calling them these days)—they are a beloved Seattle institution on par with, oh, say, Rudy’s Barbershop perhaps (RIP, dear Alex Calderwood) or maybe even The Stranger. (Kidding! Kidding!) Their annual Christmas show brings us the very best of them—the wit, the whimsy, “The Spudds.” It wouldn’t be Xmess without a nice big chunk of Ham—now in its 13th year! ACT Theatre, 8 pm, $28, all ages, through December 22.

THURSDAY 12/19

FOR THE HOLIDAYS, DRUNKEN GROUP KARAOKE!

Central Cinema’s Jason Miller produces three sing-alongs of note each year—at Pride, Valentine’s Day, and

Christmas—and I adore the freakishly fun and gaily besotted things beyond the telling of it. Tonight it’s all about the Xmess jams, so! Glug-glug-glug, LA-LALA! Central Cinema, 8 pm, $10 adv/$12 DOS, all ages.

FRIDAY 12/20

FOR THE HOLIDAYS, SOME HEDWIG

I am also on record with the opinion that Nick Garrison and his super-longrunning Hedwig and the Angry Inch was the best Hedwig ever, and I’m not about to change that now, not even for Jinkx Monsoon—she’s dripping in fame and universal adulation aplenty anyway. This in no way should distract from the fact that SHE’S PRETTY EFFING AWESOME in the role (there are even wild rumors that she’ll step in for Neil Patrick Harris when he’s all done with the part on Broadway— you’ve heard?), and oh! The thrill! She’s jumping back into the big blond Farrah Fawcett wig for us this week fresh from her own new holiday show (Unwrapped, they calls it) AND Homo for the Holidays (how DOES she find the energy? I ask you). Glutted with the cheery myriad of big gay yuletide shows? There could be no better palate-cleanser than this punk with no penis and her musical tale of woe. Moore Theatre, 8 pm, $30–$35, all ages, through December 22.

CHOP SUEY He Whose Ox Is Gored, Grenades, Drunk Dad, Caligula, $8

COLUMBIA CITY THEATER

L’Orchestre D’Incroyable, Nu Klezmer Army, Miss Mamie Lavona, $8/$10

CONOR BYRNE the Lonely Mountain Lovers, Hand in the Attic, Mariko Ruhle

a CROCODILE the Physics, Tangerine, DJ Nick Beeba, $10

DARRELL’S TAVERN Special Guests, the Stereo Creeps, Infinite Flux

EL CORAZON X, the Blasters, Sat, Dec 21, $25/$30

a GROUND ZERO

(BELLEVUE)

Darkmysticwoods, Greengoes, Sun Thieves, 7 pm

HARD ROCK CAFE Enzian, Orison, Rendetta, $10/$13 HIGH DIVE Eric Tollefson Band, Sarah JacksonHolman, Kate Lynne Logan, 9:30 pm, $10/$12

JAZZ ALLEY The Gypsy Allstars, 9:30 pm, $26.50

LITTLE RED HEN Train Wreck, $5

MACHINE HOUSE

BREWERY Brain Fruit, Plankton Wat, Total Life, DJ Veins, 8 pm

NEUMOS Rose Windows, Unnatural Helpers, Low Hums, 8 pm, $12

PARAGON Solbird, free THE ROYAL ROOM Lushy

SEAMONSTER The 350’s, 6 Demon Bag, Porkchop Express, 10 pm, free

SHOWBOX AT THE MARKET Ivan & Alyosha

SLIM’S LAST CHANCE The Juke Joint Gamblers, Hard Money Saints, Eryn Starr, Jack Rainwater

SUNSET TAVERN Big Sandy and His Fly-Rite Boys, 9:30 pm, $15

TRACTOR TAVERN 11th Annual Benefit Show for

MUSICARES: Eldridge Gravy And The Court Supreme, the Chasers, Jeff Fielder, guests, $10

TULA’S Jovino Santos Neto, 7:30 pm, $15

VERA PROJECT Rat Path, Malice, Cast Out, 6:30 pm, $7

VITO’S RESTAURANT & LOUNGE the Tarantellas, 6 pm; the Fig Trio, 9:30 pm

THE WHITE RABBIT The Requisite, the Bitter Roots, Half Japanese Girls, the Cedars, $6 DJ

BALLROOM DJ Warren

BALTIC ROOM Good Saturdays: Guest DJs

BARBOZA Inferno: Guests, 10:30 pm, free before 11:30 pm/$5 after CONTOUR Europa Night: Misha Grin, Gil

CUFF Gear Night: DJ Mattstands, no cover if wearing fetish gear, otherwise $5 for men and $15 for women

HAVANA Rotating DJs: DV One, Soul One, Curtis, Nostalgia B, Sean Cee, $5 HAZLEWOOD Gayzlewood: DJ Tanner, guests, free

MERCURY Machineries of Joy: DJ Hana Solo

NEIGHBOURS Powermix: DJ Randy Schlager

NEIGHBOURS UNDERGROUND Club

Vogue: DJ Chance, DJ Eternal Darkness

OHANA Funk House: DJ Bean One

PONY Meat: Amateur Youth, Dee Jay Jack

RE-BAR Ceremony: DJ Evan Blackstone, guests, 10 pm, $5

SEE SOUND LOUNGE Guest DJs

THERAPY LOUNGE Dance Yourself Clean: Guests

TRINITY ((SUB)): Guy, VSOP, Jason Lemaitre, guests, $15/free before 10 pm

THE WOODS Hiphop/R&B/ Funk/Soul/Disco: Guest DJs

CLASSICAL

BENAROYA HALL Seattle Symphony Presents Handel’s Messiah: Seattle Symphony

CHAPEL PERFORMANCE

SPACE Unsilent Night: Phi Kline

SUN 12/22

LIVE BLUE MOON TAVERN J.P. and the Geminis, 8 pm, free CAFE RACER The Racer Sessions a CHOP SUEY Hatters for Hire, Matt Bacnis, Saving Sunsets, Laser Fox, Rob Domos, 5:30 pm, $10/$15

CONOR BYRNE Open Mic: Guests, 8 pm

a CROCODILE Hedon, Hereticon, Inseige, $5 EL CORAZON Best of Friends, Josh Withenshaw, Dylan Jakobsen, 7:30 pm, $10/$12

HIGH DIVE Analogue Mistress, Maxfinger, 8 pm, $6

HIGHLINE Dynamite Nugget, Absent Tiger, Skunk Rider, $6 HIGHWAY 99 Nearly Dan, 7 pm, $15

JAI THAI BROADWAY Rock Bottom Soundsystem, free

JAZZ ALLEY The Gypsy Allstars, 7:30 pm, $26.50

KELLS Liam Gallagher

LITTLE RED HEN Open Mic

Acoustic Jam with Bodacious Billy: Davanos, free, guests, 4 pm

NECTAR Iron Krill, Waysayer,

BY DAVE SEGAL

FRIDAY 12/20

RL GRIME’S BOOMING TRAP ON ACID

After debuting in 2012 with his Grapes EP, Los Angeles producer RL Grime (aka Henry Steinway) has sped to the upper reaches of the electronic-music domain, where his tracks get love from Diplo, Flosstradamus, and A-Trak, among other rich jockeys of disc. His grandiose yet nuanced fusion of new-school hiphop and future-bass music makes such success understandable. Booming beats and bass + melodies that trigger rave flashbacks and tender/raunchy feelings = hands in the air and feet in motion. Neptune Theatre, 9 pm, $16.50 adv/$18 DOS, all ages.

CAUTION: PETE SWANSON’S TECHNO WAR ZONE AHEAD

When an electronic musician calls a record Punk Authority, you can expect tunes that deviate from club protocol. Which is

Down Goes Frazier, Mosby, guests, 6:30 pm, $11

PIES & PINTS Sunday Night

Folk Review: Guests, free

SEAMONSTER Tim Kennedy

SHIP CANAL GRILL Jay Thomas, Sun, noon

SKYLARK CAFE & CLUB

Axis of Symmetry

TULA’S Easy Street Band, 4 pm, $5, Jim Cutler Jazz Orchestra, 8 pm, $8

VITO’S RESTAURANT & LOUNGE Ruby Bishop, 6 pm; the Ron Weinstein Trio, 9:30 pm

DJ

BALTIC ROOM Mass: Guest DJs

CONTOUR Broken Grooves:

DJ Venus, Rob Cravens, guests, free

THE EAGLE T-Bar/T-Dance:

Up Above, Fistfight, free a FULL TILT ICE CREAM

Vinyl Appreciation Night: Guest DJs, 7 pm

MERCURY Classic EDM: DJ Trent Von, $5

MOE BAR Chocolate

Sundays: Sosa, MarsONE, Phosho, free

NEIGHBOURS Noche Latina: Guest DJs

PONY TeaDance: DJ El Toro, Freddy King of Pants, 4 pm

Q NIGHTCLUB Revival:

Riz Rollins, Chris Tower, 3 pm, free

RE-BAR Flammable: DJ

Wesley Holmes, 9 pm

SEE SOUND LOUNGE Salsa:

DJ Nick

THE STEPPING STONE PUB

Vinyl Night: You bring your records, they play them

CLASSICAL

BENAROYA HALL Seattle

Symphony Presents Handel’s Messiah, 2 pm; Play it Again, Santa: Seattle Men’s Chorus,

what ex–Yellow Swans member Pete Swanson did with the 2013 mini LP by that title. This is techno encrusted with toxic sludge and bolstered by beats that sound like cannon shots. Listening to Swanson’s music is like being in an active war zone, with all the attendant adrenaline that that scenario implies. One of his most powerful tracks is the 13-minute epic “Life Ends at 30”; it feels like being riddled with drum-machine bullets and pelted by analog-synth shrapnel. We’re in for a night of painful ecstasy. This edition of Sam Melancon’s Motor event, the ninth, also features excellent locals Chris Davis (Brain Fruit), TJ Max (Jayson Kochan and Timm Mason), and DJ Slow Chop Suey, 9 pm, $10, 21+.

MIKE SERVITO’S BRASHLY THRUSTING HOUSE MOVES

DJ Mike Servito blossomed in the fertile soil of Detroit to become a prime mover in the techno and house fields. He spent several solid years in Ghostly International’s stable of disc jockeys along with Matthew Dear, Tadd “Dabrye” Mullinix, Derek Plaslaiko, and Ryan Elliott and spun at some of the Motor City and Ann Arbor’s most adventurous club nights. Now a resident at Brooklyn’s renowned Bunker club, Servito did a Boiler Room DJ set earlier this year that’s one of those brashly thrusting outings with plenty of testifying diva action. It sounds firmly in the house tradition without coming off as stodgy—a difficult feat to pull off. He’s supported by Seattle DJs Struggle and Energy Flash, two of this city’s most knowledgeable and technically proficient decknicians in the left-field techno and house realms. Re-bar, 9 pm, $10 adv, 21+.

SOURMASH

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/TAKEWARNINGPRESENTS TWITTER @TAKEWARNINGSEA

TICKETS @ TICKETFLY.COM

*THIS WEEKEND!* FRI DEC 20 & SAT DEC 21  @ EL CORAZON “TAKE WARNING, EL CORAZON THE STRANGER & KEXP 90.3 FM PRESENT: A FAMILY X-MAS” TWO NIGHTS WITH X & THE BLASTERS

(FRI W/ THE BAD THINGS SAT W/ GIRL TROUBLE) 21+ ONLY 7:00 PM Tickets @ www.elcorazonseattle.com, El Corazon Box Office & Singles Going Steady (avoid the fees)

*JUST ANNOUNCED* WED FEBRUARY 12TH @ NECTAR LOUNGE BLACK UHURU

SATURDAY DECEMBER 21 | 6:30 PM RAT PATH, MALICE, CAST OUT, GUESTS $7

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 28 | 7:30 PM THE WORKDAY RELEASE, SLEEP FOR SLEEPERS, ABOUT THE AUTHOR $11/$10 (W. CLUB CARD)

FRIDAY JANUARY 10 | 7:00 PM

GIRLS THAT SHRED: A BENEFIT FOR SKATE LIKE A GIRL CHASTITY BELT, TACOCAT, ATOMIC BRIDE, SUMMER BABES, LURES $10 ADV

FRIDAY JANUARY 17 | 7:30 PM

SPEED OF SOUND IN SEAWATER, POST MADONNA $7

SATURDAY JANUARY 18 | 6 PM, 8:30 PM SUNDAY JAN 19 | 1PM, 3:30 PM, 6 PM REAL ESCAPE GAME: ESCAPE FROM WEREWOLF VILLAGE

TUESDAY JANUARY 28 | 7:30 PM

INTO IT. OVER IT., THE WORLD IS A BEAUTIFUL PLACE AND I AM NO LONGER AFRAID TO DIE, PLUS MORE! $10

ALWAYS ALL AGES

1/25 THE MAD CONDUCTOR @ 2BIT, 1/28 INTO IT. OVER IT. @VERA PROJECT1/28 RED CITY RADIO @ EL CORAZON, 1/31 A LOT LIKE BIRDS @ VERA PROJECT, 2/4 REGGIE & THE FULL EFFECT @ VERA PROJECT, 2/13 MAD CADDIES @ CHOP SUEY

MON 12/23

LIVE

2 BIT SALOON Sacred Serpent, Nordus, Sumo, $5

AQUA BY EL GAUCHO Jerry Frank

BLUE MOON TAVERN Andy Coe Band, 10 pm, free COASTAL KITCHEN Pork Chop Trio, 9:30 pm, free a CROCODILE Eagles & Aliens, Wildlife Indoors, Dead End Friend, 8 pm, $5

DARRELL’S TAVERN JP and the LP’s JAZZ ALLEY David Lanz, 7:30 pm, $29.50

KELLS Liam Gallagher

MAC’S TRIANGLE PUB Jazz and Blues Night: Guests, free MOLLY MAGUIRES Open Mic: Hosted by Tom Rooney, free NEW ORLEANS The New Orleans Quintet, 6:30 pm

THE ROYAL ROOM Mulherkar Brothers Quintet, 7 pm, $12/$15

SEAMONSTER Monday Night Open Mic: 10 pm

TRACTOR TAVERN the Tallboys, Every other 7:30 pm, $5

TRIPLE DOOR

Musicquarium: Free Funk Union, free TULA’S Rick Mandyck Trio, 7:30 pm, $10

THE WHITE RABBIT

Michael Shrieve’s Spellbinder, $6

DJ

BALTIC ROOM Jam Jam: Zion’s Gate Sound, $5

BARBOZA Icon Mondays: Sean Majors, DJ Swervewon, 100proof, Sean Cee, Blueyedsoul, free

COMPANY BAR Rock and Roll Chess Night: DJ Plantkiller, 8 pm, free

CONOR BYRNE Get the Spins: Guest DJs, free CONTOUR Manic Mondays: Guests

HAVANA Manic Mondays: DJ

Jay Battle, free

THE HIDEOUT Industry Standard: Guests, free LO-FI Jam Jam: Zion’s Gate, Sound Selecta, Element, Mista Chatman, $5

THE MIX Bring Your Own Vinyl Night: Guests, 6 pm MOE BAR Minted Mondays: DJ Swervewon, 100proof, Sean Cee, Blueyedsoul, free

NEIGHBOURS UNDERGROUND SIN: DJ Keanu, free

OHANA DJ Hideki

PONY Dirty Deeds: Guest DJs

Q NIGHTCLUB Electric Penetration, Every 6 pm, free, Reflect, 8 pm, free

CLASSICAL

BENAROYA HALL A Festival of Lessons and Carols: Northwest Boychoir

TUES

12/24

LIVE BASTILLE CAFE BAR The Djangomatics, 8 pm, free CAFE RACER Jacobs Posse

CONOR BYRNE Ol’ Time Social: the Tallboys, 9 pm ELECTRIC TEA GARDEN Monktail Creative Music Concern, DJ Shonuph, free HEARTLAND CAFE & BENBOW ROOM Open Mic: Guests KELLS Liam Gallagher MAC’S TRIANGLE PUB Open Mic: free THE MIX Jazz Night: Don Mock, Steve Kim, Jacques Willis, 8 pm

OUTWEST Wine and Jazz Night: Tutu Jazz Quartet, free OWL N’ THISTLE Jazz Improv Night: Guests PARAGON Queen Anne Sessions: Guests, free PINK DOOR Michael Navedo, 8 pm

SEAMONSTER McTuff Trio, 10 pm, free TIM’S TAVERN Open Mic: Linda Lee, 8 pm

There are two good posters for this show out on the streets this week, but ’tis the season, so Ariel and Corey Smith’s understated Christmas tree design wins. AARON HUFFMAN

Deep Sea Diver w/Bryan John Appleby Fri Dec 20, Neumos

DJ 95 SLIDE Chicken & Waffles: Supreme La Rock, DJ Rev, free

BALTIC ROOM Drum & Bass Tuesdays: Guests

BLUE MOON TAVERN Blue Moon Vinyl Revival Tuesdays: DJ Country Mike, A.D.M., guests, 8 pm, free

THE EAGLE Pitstop: DJ Nark

HAVANA Word Is Bond: Hoot and Howl, $3 after

BY JACKSON HATHORN

THURSDAY 12/19

SALLIE FORD & THE SOUND OUTSIDE, AND THE KIDS, RED JACKET MINE

Sallie Ford & the Sound Outside hate being pigeonholed. While their earlier work has often been unfairly described as coy rockabilly, the group directly challenges listeners on their latest album, Untamed Beast. Singing more pointed lyrics with a newfound rawness, Ford is declarative about who she is and what she isn’t. On “Rockabilly,” the band hoots and hollers with carnal urgency, recalling the hellfire rock of the Gun Club, while Ford rails against critics who “tell me I’m like the rockabilly queen/Won’t you tell me who the hell is she?” (The lyric’s

11 pm LO-FI Stop Biting: Introcut, guests, $5 MERCURY Die: Black Maru, Major Tom, $5 MOE BAR Cool.: DJ Cory Alfano, DJ Cody Votolato, free

NEIGHBOURS UNDERGROUND Vicious Dolls: DJ Rachael, 9 pm, $5 OHANA DJ Marc Sense

WILDROSE Taco Tuesday: Guest DJs

possibly in reference—and deference—to Wanda Jackson, a rock ’n’ roll pioneer known as the “Queen of Rockabilly,” who once brought Sallie Ford & the Sound Outside on tour.) Elsewhere on Untamed Beast, you can hear Ford and company further flexing their sinewy musical chops; the roaring surf rumble “Bad Boys” and slithering romantic lament “Shivers” both stand out, but what makes Ford really distinctive is her willingness to take supposedly static genres and update them to her liking. While another songwriter might hew close to the thematic concerns of her forbears, Ford can give her music a harder edge, or gleefully vamp up the innuendo, to create a modern take on some of rock’s oldest and most cherished forms. Opening for Ford tonight are And the Kids. The Northampton, Massachusetts, band’s newest EP, Neighbors, sounds tight-knit and mighty, like a group of kids who have been cooped up inside for too long and are now ready to explore the outside world. With songs about isolation and growing up, And the Kids’ yelping, processional baroque pop is warm and youthful, but with a sense of danger—even the most joyous song will subtly allude to something dark, unseen, and perilous. So basically what I’m trying to say is that if you liked Arcade Fire before they fell into turgid frippery, And the Kids might be your new favorite band. Crocodile, 8 pm, $15.

FILM

American Russell

Christian Bale Leads a Smarmy Scorsese Riff into the Gaudy 1970s

BY PAUL CONSTANT

Christian Bale has transformed himself in all sorts of ways, but his turn as Irving Rosenfeld is something else again. It’s such a striking transformation that the camera can’t tear away from Bale’s

body throughout the opening scene of American Hustle. His pasty beer gut juts forward proudly, suggesting chronic constipation. We watch him construct a mindboggling comb-over that another character describes as “elaborate.” He dresses like a clown, all loud prints and ascots and wide lapels and materials that can’t support even the barest suggestion of a natural fiber. But Bale instinctually finds the dignity in Rosenfeld, a two-bit hustler from the Bronx. At least

American Hustle dir. David O. Russell Wide release

he’s got a realistic sense of scale. Rosenfeld sells counterfeit artwork and scams people out of a few thousand dollars at a time. Nothing grandiose, nothing fancy. Bale leads a cast of excellent actors who are becoming regulars in David O. Russell productions: Bradley Cooper is Richie DiMaso, a jittery FBI agent with a tightly wound perm; Jennifer Lawrence is a lively young mother who knows her big mouth will be the thing that keeps people paying attention

That Darn Cat!

Folk Music and Fur Balls in Inside Llewyn Davis

BY NED LANNAMANN

Let’s start with the cat. The orange tabby in Inside Llewyn Davis might be the greatest on-screen feline since the Courybrand-demanding cat at the beginning of The Long Goodbye. We end up seeing much more of the kitty in Inside Llewyn Davis, Joel and Ethan Coen’s caustic, marvelous depiction of the Greenwich Village folkmusic scene of the early ’60s. Down-on-his-luck folksinger Llewyn Davis (Oscar Isaac) totes the furball around with him for much of the movie, after he accidentally lets it out of a friend’s apartment and locks the door behind them both.

Inside Llewyn Davis dir. Joel Coen, Ethan Coen Harvard Exit

You probably know someone like Llewyn—a bearded musician who surfs from couch to couch without a penny to his name, bumming cigarettes and meals

wherever he can. He doesn’t even own a winter coat. Llewyn’s not a bad guy, necessarily, but there’s just something about him that pisses people off. “Everything you touch turns to shit—like King Midas’s idiot brother,” a fellow folksinger (Carey Mulligan) tells him after revealing he may be the one who got her pregnant. Llewyn’s the latest in the string of feckless antiheroes that populate the Coen brothers’ best movies, and Isaac turns in an exceptional performance that not only fulfills the role’s technical challenges—that’s Isaac singing every note and plucking every guitar string you hear—but allows you to find some affection for this prickly, troubled character. Indeed, Inside Llewyn Davis excels at every challenge the

to her long after her looks are gone. Robert De Niro makes a short but spectacular appearance. And some new names are added to the Russell Regular Role Call: Louis C.K. and Michael Peña have small but important parts, Jeremy Renner plays the good-hearted goombah mayor of Camden, New Jersey, and most notably, Amy Adams stars as Rosenfeld’s partner in crime, an ambitious con artist named Sydney Prosser.

It’s hard to pull off a con movie these days, when the impulse to get too elaborate has taken over. Sometimes big and dumb works (Ocean’s Eleven) and sometimes it doesn’t (Matchstick Men). But Hustle shares Rosenfeld’s good sense of perspective, even as its

cons enlarge to contain several reversals of fortune and shifts in scope and size. The movie withholds pertinent information about characters until just the right moment, and it knows how to show its hand before things get too complicated. A good con pulls you close so you can’t see it’s hiding something important from

A good con pulls you close so you can’t see it’s hiding something important from you; American Hustle works exactly like that.

you; American Hustle works exactly like that.

Some of Hustle’s more lavish embraces don’t work. The wardrobe and hairstyles are so 1970s period-piece absurdist that they pull you out of the film. And the one thing Jennifer Lawrence can’t do, it seems, is maintain a believable New Jersey accent for more than two seconds at a time. All the noise, both from the loudmouthed actors and the gaudy period detail, can get overwhelming.

But with its big-talking swagger, its period-piece glamour, and its huge, dirty-dealing cast, Hustle feels like a response to Scorsese’s classic crime films, only built to a less epic, more human scale. These are the characters you see running around in the background of Goodfellas or Casino, trying to scrape together a living while the fat cats live out their huge Greek tragedies. Russell packs the film with popular music, but while Scorsese leans on the iconic rock of the Rolling Stones, Russell prefers the glitzy letdown of “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.”

The interplay between Bale and Adams is Hustle’s sturdy spine. Prosser and Rosenfeld’s romance is unlikely, but their relationship feels believable. In their quest to con everyone else out of their money, the pair must try to forge some sort of honesty together. You can’t bullshit a bullshitter.

Coen brothers put up to it, succeeding not just as a richly appointed period piece or a movie musical, but also as the sort of riddlelike cinematic puzzle the Coens concoct so well. (The film’s Möbius-like structure and symbolic undercurrents will have Coen fans obsessing for endless rewatches.) It’s also the Coens’ funniest since The Big Lebowski; a showstopping scene of Isaac, Justin Timberlake, and Girls’ Adam Driver recording the novelty song “Please Mr. Kennedy” is riotous. And that cat!

FILM SHORTS

More reviews and movie times: thestranger.com/film

LIMITED RUN

ELF

In which Will Ferrell plays a grown man who has spent his entire life laboring under the delusion that he’s one of Santa’s elves. The side effects of this include a deeply ingrained sense of whimsy and a proclivity for concentrated sugars. Zooey Deschanel sings. Central Cinema, Sat-Sun 7, 9:30 pm.

FEEDING FRENZY

An hour-long documentary about the state of obesity in America, focusing on the established practices in the food industry that encourage overeating and poor nutrition. Like all screenings in the “Meaningful Movies” series, this is a free event, and will be followed by a facilitated discussion of the issues addressed in the film. Keystone Church, Fri Dec 20 at 7 pm.

FRAMING PICTURES

A monthly roundtable discussion with three Seattle film critics, moderated by Robert Horton. Free admission! Northwest Film Forum, Fri Dec 20 at 6 pm.

IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE

Shortly after It’s a Wonderful Life’s 1946 release, James Agee, the most astute and eloquent American film critic of all time, noted the film’s grueling aspect.

“Often,” he wrote, “in its pile-driving emotional exuberance, it outrages, insults, or at least accosts without introduction, the cooler and more responsible parts of the mind.” These aesthetic cautions are followed, however, by a telling addendum: “It is nevertheless recommended,” Agee allowed, “and will be reviewed at length as soon as the paralyzing joys of the season permit.” Paralyzing joys are the very heart of George Bailey’s dilemma; they are, to borrow words from George’s father, “deep in the race.” The sacrifices George makes for being “the richest man in town” resonate bitterly even as they lead to the finale’s effusive payoff. Those sacrifices are what make It’s a Wonderful Life, in all its “Capraesque” glory, endure. (SEAN NELSON) Grand Illusion, Fri 7:30 pm, Sat 5 pm, Tues 6, 8:30 pm.

MS. 45

Even in the older, meaner, pre-Giuliani New York, it’s hard to believe that some shy ghost of a woman could be raped by two different creeps in just one afternoon. It’s even harder to believe that she could crack the rapey-robber-dude in the head with an iron so hard that it would kill him (or that she’d have the balls to cut him into pieces in her bathtub using just a bread knife). BUT! In an exploitation flick, you must believe the unbelievable. Made in 1981, Abel Ferrara’s “feminist” take on a vengeful, vigilante murder spree has recently been restored and released for 2013. Can a modern audience survive Thana’s rape scene(s) (or all the wailing saxophone music)? Or will they simply be satiated with her much-deserved vengeance (and/or how sexy she looks in a nun’s habit)? Gotta go see for yourself. (KELLY O) Grand Illusion, Fri-Sat 10 pm.

THE PRINCESS BRIDE QUOTE-ALONG

Watch Inigo Montoya fight for his father’s legacy with a legion of Princess Bride fans carrying fake swords. (Word on the street: Rodents of Unusual Size may be

lurking around the auditorium!) SIFF Film Center, Fri 5, 9:45 pm, Sat 12, 5, 9:45 pm, Sun 2:30, 7:30 pm, MonTues 5, 7:30 pm.

THE PUNK SINGER

So many music documentaries feel like laurel-buffing victory laps, but Sini Anderson’s The Punk Singer feels like a revelation. Its subject: Kathleen Hanna, cofounder of riot grrrl, creator of the bands Bikini Kill and Le Tigre, coiner of the phrase “smells like teen spirit,” and spouse of Ad-Rock, who’s captured in all her explosively multifaceted glory. I’ve been a Kathleen Hanna fan for decades; this film introduced her to me as someone new. To quote talking head Carrie Brownstein, it’s “an empowering and surreal experience.” (DAVID SCHMADER) SIFF Cinema Uptown, Fri-Sun 9:45 pm.

VHSXMAS II

A showcase of extremely rare Christmas footage on VHS, including music, commercials, and cartoons from Scarecrow’s archives. Free screening! And Scarecrow sells fancy beer now, by the way, which you can drink in the screening room. Scarecrow Video, Sat Dec 21 at 7 pm.

WILLY WONKA & THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY

The fantastic—and fantastically creepy!—’70s classic returns to the big screen in appropriately fantastic fashion. Guests will receive goody bags filled with sights, sounds, and smells (!!!) that will enhance all journeys to Wonkaland. Bring the kids! SIFF Film Center, Fri 7:15 pm, Sat 2:30, 7:15 pm, Sun 12, 5 pm, Mon-Tues 2:30 pm.

NOW PLAYING

BLACK NATIVITY

Written by Langston Hughes and first performed in 1961, Black Nativity is a retelling of the classic Christmas story featuring gospel music and an all-black cast. It’s essentially a full-length Christmas music video about the power of love and forgiveness, but the star-packed cast makes it all float by like a dream. (DAVID SCHMADER)

BLUE IS THE WARMEST COLOR

Blue Is the Warmest Color ranks among the best love stories I’ve ever seen. High schooler Adèle falls for blue-haired college student Emma the first time she sees her. Adèle is needy, aimless, and libidinous, and the two enter into a beautifully adolescent relationship, all hungry sex and deep, pseudo-intellectual conversations. As the years pass and the women age, the beautiful, vague Adèle slowly begins to come into focus, but it’s not until she screws things up with Emma that she—and we—understand how much the relationship really means to her. (ALISON HALLETT)

ENOUGH SAID

While it doesn’t let any of the characters off the hook for their bullshit—it wouldn’t be a Nicole Holofcener joint if it did—Enough Said is her warmest movie to date, thanks to the insanely likable Julia Louis-Dreyfus and a great turn from James Gandolfini, in one of his last performances. (ALISON HALLETT)

FROZEN

Frozen is the first Disney musical in a long time that I can

AMERICAN HUSTLE (R) Fri: (4:10)*, 7:25*, 10:00 Sat - Mon: (1:00)*, (4:10)*, 7:25*, 10:00 Tue: (1:00)*, (4:10)*^ Wed: (1:00)*, (4:10)*, 7:25* Thu: (1:00)*, (4:10)*, 7:25*, 10:00

SAVING MR. BANKS (PG-13) Fri: (4:40)*, 7:15, 10:25* Sat - Mon: (10:20 AM)*, (1:20), (4:40)*, 7:15, 10:25* Tue: (10:20 AM)*, (1:20), (4:40)*^ Wed: (1:20), (4:40)*, 7:15 Thu: (10:20 AM)*, (1:20), (4:40)*, 7:15, 10:25* THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG (PG-13) Fri: (4:00), 7:05*, 10:15*

Sat - Mon: (10:00 AM), (1:10)*, (4:00), 7:05*, 10:15* Tue: (10:00 AM), (1:10)*, (4:00)^ Wed: (1:10)*, (4:00), 7:05* Thu: (10:00 AM), (1:10)*, (4:00), 7:05*, 10:15*

remember making me grin, laugh, and tear up, all while stunning my eyes with some of the most magical computer animation I’ve ever seen. (DENIS C. THERIAULT)

IS THE MAN WHO IS TALL HAPPY? AN ANIMATED CONVERSATION WITH NOAM CHOMSKY

You only need to watch the documentary for 10 minutes to realize that Chomsky’s 1971 debate with Michel Foucault on Dutch TV will not be registered in the history books as his strangest encounter with a famous Frenchman. That honor goes to Michel Gondry, the director and interviewer of An Animated Conversation. Though dealing with a very complicated intellectual, Gondry tries to keep the questions simple. Chomsky answers Gondry with the certainty of an old and huge computer printer. To make

THE SPECIALS BEFORE XMAS

There are those who rush around during the holidays, sending unasked-for Christmas cards, buying terrible presents for everyone (including people they hate), and begging you to attend their caroling performances— which sound like someone threw a bag of cats into a cement mixer. Then there are those who pull down the shades, drain a bottle of Jim Beam, eat an entire pan of far-too-hot Totino’s Pizza Rolls, and watch TV Christmas specials while cleaning their firearms. (Sound familiar?)

Anyway, for those in the second group, I want to make it nice and eeeeasy for you to find all your fave holiday specials this week, especially since you’re drunk and holding a crossbow. So here’s a list of the heavy hitters that you won’t want to miss, and… umm… I think the arrow goes in the other direction. Mmm-kay.

• A Home for the Holidays (CBS, Dec 18, 8 pm). This holiday special is hosted by Celine Dion—who is perhaps certifiably insane and sings songs like she’s got a giant alien worm trying to force its way out of her body. I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!! (It will also feature a few terribly sad stories about foster children, so run off to the kitchen for a sandwich during those parts if you’re feeling particularly suicidal. You’re holding a crossbow, for Christ’s sake!)

• Michael Bublé’s 3rd Annual Christmas Special (NBC, Dec 18, 10 pm). The Grammy Award winner sings the holiday

some lightness out of Chomsky’s academic heaviness, Gondry decorates the responses with whimsical animations. (CHARLES MUDEDE)

NEBRASKA

An elderly man named Woody (Bruce Dern) with a drinking problem and what seems to be early-stage dementia receives a letter announcing he’s won a sweepstakes prize. His adult son (Will Forte) tries to convince him that he’s actually won nothing beyond the opportunity to buy magazines, but Woody will not be deterred, and soon, father and son are on a prize-related road trip from Montana to Nebraska. Alexander Payne’s Nebraska is a VIP artwork packed with the type of tiny, messy interactions that flower into something almost mythic when writ large in black and white. (DAVID SCHMADER)

songs you love—while making me want to stab my eardrum out with a roasting fork. Look. I can sing circles around this dickbone—and yet do I get a holiday special? NO, I don’t! All I get is this stupid column in which I get paid to call Michael Bublé a dickbone!!

• The Little Drummer Boy (ABC Family, Dec 21, 7:30 am). EASILY the most depressing and darkest of all the creepywooden-puppet Christmas specials. A hate-filled boy gets the opportunity to play his drum for Baby Jesus, who is all like, UGH! You’re no Tito Puente. NEXT!

• The Year Without a Santa Claus (ABC Family; Dec 21, 1:30 pm; Dec 22, 7 am; Dec 23, 7 pm). Featuring the most beloved of all creepy wooden holiday puppets—the Heat and Snow Miser! (Sorry, Rudolph, we’ll send you your severance check in the mail.)

• Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town (ABC Family; Dec 21, 2:30 pm; Dec 22, 8 am; Dec 23, 6 pm). Put one foot in front OF the ooother!/And soon you’ll be walkin’ ’cross the floo-ooo-OR!/Put one foot in front OF the ooother!/And soon you’ll be headin’ out the DOOR! (But don’t bring the crossbow.)

• It’s a Wonderful Life (NBC, Dec 24, 8 pm). Jimmy Stewart stars as a man who loses everything—but when he takes a hallucinogenic drug (street name: Zuzu’s Petals), he imagines a drunk angel who shows him what life would’ve been like if he’d never been born. Here are three things that would’ve happened to the world if I hadn’t been born: Totino’s Pizza Rolls stock would tumble. Roughly 73 children would know who their actual father is. And I wouldn’t have just accidentally shot my neighbor’s rooftop inflatable Santa with a crossbow. Whoops.

Read Humpy’s weekly TV listings at THESTRANGER.COM

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RETAIL

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AVANT-ROCK BAND SEEKING keyboardist to complete personnel. Bass/Guitar/Violin/Cello/Voice. Swans, Glenn Branca, Godspeed You!Black Emperor, Zero 7, Jarboe, Live Skull, Saint Vitus, Black Sabbath, Painkiller. No drugs. We have a rehearsal space. 206.547.2615/omaritaylor@gmail. com www.myspace.com/branavinix/ www.branavinix.com

MUSIC INSTRUCTION & SERVICES

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Opened for Jeff Bridges! I’m Richard Peterson, 65 year old composer, arranger, and pianist. I’m available to play parties, weddings, clubs, shows, etc. $200/gig. Covers and originals. Please call 206-325-5271, Thank You! CD available. Must have a piano.

SEATTLE VOCALIST/ SONGWRITER/KEYBOARDS CALL MURPHY 206 860 3534

MUSICIANS WANTED

KEYBOARD AND/OR MULTIINSTRUMENTALIST wanted for part time participation in modern rock band. Being able to play by ear helpful but not completely necessary. Open-minded and good sense of humor a plus. gotsova@ comcast.net Established and wellequipped band.

AVANT-ROCK BAND SEEKING guitarist. We are currently drums, bass and voice. We will be adding more instrumentation in time. Swans, My Bloody Valentine, Angels of Light, and traditional Spanish, Irish, Mediterranean, and Arabian music. No drugs. www. myspace.com/branavinix/206.547.2615

BASSIST/FRONTPERSON SOUGHT. NEED male or female bass player & frontperson for original blues-based/rockabilly project. Rehearse twice weekly in Auburn, must have all the usuals.

BAND REHEARSAL SPACE

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY

BY ROB BREZSNY

For the Week of Dec 18

ARIES (March 21–April 19): “Life is best organized as a series of daring ventures from a secure base,” wrote psychologist John Bowlby. Some of you Aries enjoy the “daring venture” part of that formula, but neglect the “secure base” aspect. That’s why your daring ventures may on occasion go awry. If you are that type of Ram, the first half of 2014 will be an excellent time to correct your bad habit. Life will be offering you considerable help and inspiration in building a strong foundation. And if you already appreciate how important it is for your pursuit of excitement to be rooted in well-crafted stability, the coming months will be golden.

TAURUS (April 20–May 20): Here’s a tale of three renowned Taurus brainiacs: Immanuel Kant, John Stuart Mill, and Bertrand Russell. They all had IQs over 175 and all made major contributions to philosophy. Yet all three were physically inept. Kant had trouble keeping a sharp point on his writing instrument, the quill, because he was clumsy using a knife. Mill was so undexterous he found it a chore to tie a knot. Russell’s physical prowess was so limited he was incapable of brewing a pot of tea. Chances are that you are neither as brilliant nor as uncoordinated as these three men. And yet, like them, there is a disconnect between your mind and body—some glitch in the way the two of them communicate with each other. The coming year will be an excellent time to heal the disconnect and fix the glitch.

dissolve any old structures that have been standing in the way of the future. You will have to eliminate as many of the “yes, but”s and “I can’t”s and “not now”s as you possibly can.

LEO (July 23–Aug 22): When did you first fall from grace? Do you remember? It has happened to most of us. We spend time being privileged or cared about or respected, and then, suddenly, we no longer are. We lose our innocence. Love disappears. Our status as a favorite comes to an end. That’s the bad news, Leo. The good news is that I think the months ahead may be time for you to climb back up to one of those high states of grace that you fell from once upon a time. The omens suggest that even now you’re making yourself ready to rise back up— and sooner than you think, there will be an invitation to do so.

VIRGO (Aug 23–Sept 22): Leonardo da Vinci created the painting St. Jerome in the Wilderness around 1480. It now hangs in the Pinacoteca Vaticana, a museum in Vatican City. For several centuries, though, the treasured work of art was missing. Legend tells us that in the early 19th century, Napoleon’s uncle found the lower half of the painting in a junk shop in Rome. Years later he stumbled upon the top half in another back alley, where it was being used as a wedge in a shoemaker’s bench. I foresee the possibility of a comparable sequence unfolding for you in 2014, Virgo. You just may manage to restore a lost beauty to its proper place of honor, one step at a time.

riences on the open road. To get yourself in the mood, ruminate on the theme of pilgrimage.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22–Dec 21): Many farms in California’s Tulare County grow produce for supermarket chains. Here’s the problem: Those big stores only want fruits and vegetables that look perfect. So if there are brown spots on the apples or if the zucchinis grow crooked or if the carrots get too big, they are rejected. As a result, 30 percent of the crops go unharvested. That’s sad, because a lot of poor people who live in Tulare don’t have enough to eat. Fortunately, some enterprising food activists have begun to work out arrangements with farmers to collect the wasted produce and distribute it to the hungry folks. I gather there’s a comparable situation in your life, Sagittarius: unplucked resources and ignored treasures. In 2014, I hope you take dramatic action to harvest and use them.

CAPRICORN (Dec 22–Jan 19): Derrick Brown has a poem entitled “Pussycat Interstellar Naked Hotrod Mofo Ladybug Lustblaster!” I hope that at least once in 2014 you will get up the nerve to call someone you love by that name. Even if you can’t quite bring yourself to utter those actual words, it will be healing for you to get to the point where you feel wild enough to say them. Here’s what I’m driving at, Capricorn: In the coming months, you will be wise to shed any inhibitions that have interfered with you getting all of the free-flowing intimacy you’d love to have.

GEMINI (May 21–June 20): A horticultural company in the UK is selling TomTato plants to home gardeners. Each bush grows both cherry tomatoes and white potatoes. The magic was accomplished through handcrafted hybridization, not genetic engineering. I foresee a comparable marvel in your long-term future, Gemini. I’m not sure about the exact form it will take. Maybe you will create a product or situation that allows you to satisfy two different needs simultaneously. It’s possible you will find a way to express two of your talents in a single mode. Or perhaps you will be able to unite two sides of you that have previously been unbonded. Congratulations in advance!

CANCER (June 21–July 22): “To destroy is always the first step in any creation,” said the poet E E. Cummings. Do you buy that idea, Cancerian? I hope so, because the cosmos has scheduled you to instigate some major creative action in 2014. In order to fulfill that potential, you will have to metaphorically smash, burn, and

LIBRA (Sept 23–Oct 22): The Italian painter Tintoretto (1518–1594) was a Libra. He worked with such vigor and passion that he was nicknamed Il Furioso— The Furious. One of his crowning achievements was his painting Paradise, which is 74 feet long and 30 feet tall—about the size of a tennis court. It adorns a huge wall in the Doge’s Palace, a landmark in Venice. I propose that Tintoretto serve as one of your inspirational role models in 2014. The coming months will be an excellent time for you to work hard at crafting your own personal version of paradise on earth. You may not be so wildly robust to deserve the title “Il Furioso.” But then again, you might.

SCORPIO (Oct 23–Nov 21): Between 2002 and 2009, Buddhist monk Endo Mitsunaga spent a thousand days meditating as he did a ceremonial walk around Mount Hiei in Japan. In 2006, English writer Dave Cornthwaite took 90 days to skateboard across the entire length of Australia, a distance of 3,618 miles. The first man’s intentions were spiritual, the second man’s adventurous. The coming months will be prime time for you to contemplate both kinds of journeys, Scorpio. The astrological omens suggest that you will generate extra good fortune for yourself by seeking out unfamiliar expe-

AQUARIUS (Jan 20–Feb 18): “Artists who are content merely to hone their gifts eventually come to little,” says the Belgian writer Simon Leys. “The ones who truly leave their mark have the strength and the courage to explore and exploit their shortcomings.” I’d like to borrow that wisdom and provide it for you to use in 2014, Aquarius. Even if you’re not an artist, you will be able to achieve an interesting kind of success if you’re willing to make use of the raw materials and untapped potential of your so-called flaws and weaknesses. Whatever is unripe in you will be the key to your creativity.

PISCES (Feb 19–March 20): In 2014, you will have the mojo to escape a frustration that has drained you and pained you for a long time. I mean you can end its hold on you for good. The coming months will also provide you with the chance to activate and cultivate a labor of love that will last as long as you live. While this project may not bloom overnight, it

I’ve talked to my girlfriends, my mom, and his mom, but I need some unbiased advice. I’m a 28-year-old woman in a relationship for 3.5 years with a wonderful man, also 28. I hit the jackpot: He is loving, sweet, kind, driven, active, handsome, generous, etc. We’re very committed to each other and planning our future together. We’ve lived together for 2.5 years. Life is so great! Enter the issue: We’ve been discussing marriage since January of this year. Until May, he was opposed to it. Not in the can’t-see-spending-the-restof-my-life-with-you way, but in the not-wanting-to-marryanyone-in-the-near-future way. “I don’t feel old enough yet,” he says, which makes me want to slap him, because my baby-making years are flying by. We talk about wanting the same things in life, like a family and a home, but those are things I won’t do with him unless we are married and also things I don’t want to start doing when I’m 35. We’ve talked about not wanting to be old parents and we seem to agree on everything—except he won’t pull the trigger. I just don’t get it! We did make some progress. In August, he mentioned the possibility of a proposal around the holidays, which are upon us. But when his mom asked if they should go shopping for a ring, he told her no! That blows a holiday engagement! I am ready for the next phase. He says he is too, but he won’t propose. I don’t get it! Some guidance would be great.

SAVAGE

Breederville. But it’s not unheard of for someone to make a marriage proposal to a man. Just ask my husband.

Hello from Hong Kong! I’m a 28-year-old gay guy living happily with my boyfriend. My sexual interests have always been men, but a few months ago, I stumbled across femdom porn on the internet. Images of submissive men under the control of dominant women are so fascinating to me that I have been masturbating three times a day watching femdom porns. I have never been interested in straight porn or fucking someone without a cock, and I have no experience in BDSM at all. Gay BDSM porns don’t get me as aroused as femdom porns. I now fantasize about being dominated and humiliated by a woman. I began looking at pro-dom ads on the internet and I hesitate to see one. I love my boyfriend, and emotionally we connect, but my femdom fantasy has become a taboo between us. My questions: Is seeing a pro dom considered cheating on my boyfriend? Should I go see a pro dom and keep it a secret? How can I talk to my boyfriend about my new sexual interest?

Gay Man Seeks Lady Dom

Put Off Proposal Depresses A Queenslander

This is going to seem random, POPDAQ, but indulge me for a second. There was an article in the New York Times recently about how young men still aren’t doing their fair share of the cooking and cleaning. “Women today make up 40 percent of America’s sole or primary breadwinners for families with children under 18,” Stephen Marche wrote. “[But] men’s time investment in housework has not significantly altered in nearly 30 years.”

Reading Marche’s piece—in which he makes the case not for men to do more housework (God forbid), but for men and women to live together in filth —made me say, “So glad I’m gay.” Out loud. On an airplane. I sometimes have that reaction when I read stories about “the gender wars,” which Marche is currently writing a book about, or when I read smut-shaming bullshit about straight men and porn. But Marche’s essay elicited a different sort of so-glad-I’mgay response. It went something like this: “I’m so glad I’m gay because my husband and I don’t have the option of defaulting to the stupid gender norms, roles, expectations, neuroses, and riptides that plague so many straight couples.”

So despite the fact that we’re both men, my husband and I do not live together in filth When a bed needs to be made or a dish needs to be washed or a floor needs to be mopped—or a spouse’s cock needs to be sucked—one of us makes, washes, mops, or sucks it. When there’s something that needs doing, we do it. We don’t sit around staring at an unmade bed or a dirty dish or a grimy floor or an unsucked spousal cock and think, “I have a dick—so bed-making/dish-doing/ floor-mopping/cock-sucking isn’t my job.”

Do you see where I’m going with this, POPDAQ? There’s something at your place that needs doing—a proposal needs making—and you’re sitting around waiting for him to do it. Why? Because he has the dick.

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” Mahatma Gandhi said that*, POPDAQ, but I don’t need to tell you, right? Because that quote was at the bottom of your e-mail. So here’s a thought: Be the change you want to see in your own fucking relationship. You want to get engaged to this guy? Propose to him

Yes, yes: He has a penis, and traditionally the penis-havers** do the proposing in

If your boyfriend considers it cheating, then it’s cheating. But I nevertheless think you should see a pro dom for a no-sex domination session. (Most pro doms offer only no-sex sessions.) You might find the reality of being abused by a dominant woman less arousing than the fantasy, GMSLD, so a single session could snap you out of it, i.e., this out-of-sexual-character fever could break. And if it doesn’t? Then you need to have a talk with your boyfriend about your evolving sexual identity, your newly discovered kinks, and whether you can have him and your femdom fantasies and/or realities, too. Good luck.

I’m a straight 18-year-old girl, and I have been dating my boyfriend for eight months. He recently told me that he wishes we never had sex because he feels like he raped himself by doing it. He has had some bad sexual experiences in the past, but he has initiated almost all of our sexual activity. He says he has problems and a low sense of self-worth. I told him that we can take it slow, but I’m not sure he’s ever going to be all right with sexual things. He said that he doesn’t mind if I get sex from other people, but I want to help him understand that he’s a good person and that sex isn’t a bad thing. How do I do this?

My Sad Boyfriend

P.S. We’re both fairly sure that he could be asexual. Can asexual people enjoy sex at all?

Your boyfriend doesn’t need a girlfriend, MSB. What he needs is loving, concerned friends (you could be one) and a trained, competent therapist (you are not one). If having a girlfriend with sexual interests and needs traumatizes your boyfriend, then he shouldn’t have a girlfriend with sexual interests and needs. If he’s a miserable, game-playing jerk who likes to make other people miserable, MSB, and he’s discovered that playing the victim after sex (that he enjoyed) makes his girlfriend miserable, then you shouldn’t have him.

* Gandhi did not say that. He said: “If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change.”

** Do not confuse penis-havers with penishalvers. Something else not to do: a Google Images search on “genital bisection.”

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ADOPTION

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Female Social Drinkers interested in dating men wanted for a study on alcohol & dating experiences. Single women of all ethnic backgrounds aged 21-30 can earn up to $320 for a multi-part study. Call Project FRESH at (206) 543-5536 or visit www.fresh.uw.edu. UW Psychology research project.

FREE CERVICAL CANCER SCREENING

Age: 21+. Volunteers will receive either self-collected at home HPV testing or regular Pap test screening. Up to $200 compensation for study completion. Call 206-543-3327 or e-mail homehpv@uw.edu.

Get Strong - Live Long

Quantum Martial Arts!

964 Denny Way, Seattle. (206) 322-4799 Quantumseattle.org

HAPPY HAULER.com

Debris Removal

206-784-0313 Major credit cards accepted Learn to WELD!

http://allmetalarts.eventbrite.com contact@allmetalarts.org Gift Certificates Available

LEGENDARY PIANIST AVAILABLE

Opened for Jeff Bridges! Clubs, Weddings, Parties

I’m Richard Peterson, 65 year old composer, arranger, and pianist. I’m available to play parties, weddings, clubs, shows, etc. $200/gig. Covers and originals. Please call 206-325-5271, Thank You! CD available. Must have piano! Grand Opening MMJ

The Purp sPot - Fremont Academy for Cannabis, Research, Education & Providence Services 412 N 35th St. Suite B, Fremont. (206) 708-6626

SEX OFFENDER REGISTRATION GOT YOU DOWN?

We may be able to help to remove that requirement. The Meryhew Law Group, PLLC (206)264-1590 www.meryhewlaw.com

Winterlife Cooperative

Cannabis Delivery - No Card Required 7 days a week! 1-888-490-3666 Winterlifecoop.com

If you have SEVERE