The Stranger Vol. 23, No. 8

STUDY GUIDE

QUESTIONS FOR THE STRANGER , VOLUME 23, ISSUE 8

1. The news section of The Stranger this week is almost entirely a house organ for the candidates and causes that The Stranger endorsed in this year’s election. DOMINIC HOLDEN chastises Ed Murray’s backers for using battered women as a wedge issue. ANNA MINARD tries to imply that the GMO initiative is going to fail because of big-money donations. And CIENNA MADRID chastises the voting public for not being more supportive of measures that could change the way that the city council is elected. Choose one of the following prompts and write a reaction to this week’s news section:

a. Do you believe these articles are sincere attempts to address issues that matter to the city, or are they three desperate campaign ads thinly disguised as news?

b. Or do you believe The Stranger is self-aware enough to understand that all of their endorsements are going to fail in this year’s election? Perhaps these articles are merely “ass-covering” techniques, allowing Stranger staff to point back on election night and say, “Well, we knew this was coming. How unfair it all is!”

c. Really, does any of this matter?

2. Here is a table comparing and contrasting regular Last Days writer David Schmader with guest Last Days writer CIENNA MADRID:

AuthorMaleFemaleFunny

Schmader

Madrid

Considering the empirical evidence displayed in this table, do you believe that Cienna Madrid is qualified to write Last Days simply because she’s a woman? Or does the fact that she’s a woman, and therefore more “diverse” than Schmader, trump the fact that Ms. Madrid has never once been funny in her life?

3. Ms. Madrid also contributes a very long feature about a he-said, he-said disagreement involving a frozen piece of fecal matter. Discuss.

4. What amount of money do you estimate would be enough to convince Ms. Madrid to stop writing altogether? Would such a fundraising project be more suited for Kickstarter or Indiegogo?

5. MEGAN SELING crosses a career milestone in the music section, writing her 100,000th overwrought story about a pop punk band. Do you believe that one day, a human being will read one of Ms. Seling’s stories, or is she destined for a Kafkaesque career as a writer eternally unread?

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LAST DAYS

The Week in Review

BY CIENNA MADRID

2013:

THE LINEUP!

MONDAY, OCTOBER 14 This week of criminal candy stops, tax thieves, and dystopian dream cars kicks off in Maryville, Missouri, with a two-year-old rape story that grew furious new legs, thanks to thorough reporting from the Kansas City Star . “Few dispute the basic facts of what happened in the early morning hours of January 8, 2012: A high school senior had sex with [Melinda] Coleman’s 14-year-old daughter, another boy did the same with her daughter’s 13-year-old friend, and a third student video-recorded one of the bedding scenes. Interviews and evidence initially supported the felony and misdemeanor charges that followed,” the Star writes. “Yet, two months later, the Nodaway County prosecutor dropped the felony cases against the youths, one the grandson of a longtime area political figure.” Coleman says that her family was systematically harassed because of her daughter’s rape allegation. The details are ugly: Coleman lost her job, her daughter was encouraged to kill herself (and made several suicide attempts), and their family home was eventually burned to the ground. Today, the world turned one huge hairy eyeball on the town of Maryville—led by the “hacktivist” group Anonymous—and by next week, a special prosecutor will be appointed to reinvestigate the case. “This is a victory, not just for me, but for every girl,” now-16-year-old Daisy Coleman writes on the website xojane.com, where she told her story and thanked Anonymous for publicizing her case. “I just hope more men will take a lesson from my brothers. They look out for women. They don’t prey on them.”

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 15 The week continues with a federal civil rights lawsuit filed against the City of New York and several NYC police officers by a 25-year-old who was

IT’S WAR, BITCH

I let you read a draft of my novel. You know, the one I have been nurturing for five or six years. You were the first one to see it besides me, and I thought that you would feel flattered. After all, we’ve known each other about that same span of time. Well, apparently I don’t mean shit to you. You not only didn’t read it, but have now refused to give my book back to me. For the last six months, I have been politely requesting that you return this draft, and last week you finally agreed to return it. I got the day off work to meet you, but then you canceled at the last minute, and then made fun of me when I pointed out that I lost a good deal of money to try to meet. Well, it’s war, bitch, and you’re not gonna win.

arrested this summer for possession of methamphetamine. Court documents obtained by The Smoking Gun state that shortly after Love Olatunjiojo and a friend exited a Coney Island candy store, they were stopped by two cops who searched them and seized six “crystalline rocks of solid material.” Four of the rocks were blue, and two were red. According to Olatunjiojo’s lawyer, the “crystalline rocks” were still encased in their Jolly Rancher wrappers. Nevertheless, a “criminal court complaint alleged that officers seized a ‘quantity of methamphetamine’ that field tested positive for a controlled substance,” states The Smoking Gun. “One of the arresting officers ‘has had professional testing as a police officer in the identification of methamphetamine.’” Making matters more stupidly worse, a third suspect was arrested for reportedly yelling, accurately, “It’s candy!” as the cops arrested his two friends. Two days after the incident, the NYPD’s Controlled Substance Analysis Section confirmed that the candies were indeed candy.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 16 In much better news, today Congress cast an 11th-hour vote to raise the federal debt ceiling and end a 16-day government shutdown that forced the closure of national parks and the National Zoo’s panda cam, kneecapped investigations of food-borne-illness outbreaks, stalled scientific research projects, left low-income women and children without food-assistance programs, and furloughed hundreds of thousands of federal employees, among other things. The good news in all this is that Republicans walked away with nothing after holding the country hostage for weeks in an attempt to defund or delay Obamacare. “We fought the good fight, we just didn’t win,” Speaker John Boehner told Cincinnati station WLW-AM, which is only half a lie. The bad news is that their temper tantrum cost the country up to $3.1 billion in lost revenue, reports the New York Times, and Republicans have vowed to keep fighting the health care law Three cheers for the Grand Old Party of fiscal responsibility!

SPIDERS)

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 17 The week continues with a dystopian nightmare, courtesy of Toyota, which announced that it is recalling 870,000 vehicles because of recurring problems with its air-bag-deployment system. The problem? Spiders. Specifically, webs built within a range of car models were found to be deploying air bags “with explosive force” reports CNN Money. “Toyota is aware of three air bag deployments as a result of this and 35 cases of warning lights coming on,” the website reports. “In the cases Toyota has investigated, the only consistent cause of the blockages has been spider webs.” •• Meanwhile in dystopian dreamscapes: Some generous soul dropped 2.5 pounds of marijuana into a thrift store donation bin in North Seattle, prompting the Seattle Police

The season of HUMP!—The Stranger’s annual, freakishly beloved amateur porn competition—is now upon us! The festivities begin November 1 in Seattle at On the Boards, carry through a second weekend at On the Boards, and then spread out to Bellingham, Portland, and Olympia. For a full schedule of showings and to buy tickets, go to thestranger.com/hump. Here’s a list of the films that’ll be playing at every single HUMP! screening. HUMP! HUMP! HUMP!

THE LEGEND OF GABE HARDING: A documentary about a renowned fluffer on a gay porn set!

SEX HOUSE: A hipster house party inspires hot lezzie sex (including a woman who gets her pussy eaten while smoking a joint on the toilet)!

HIS: Hot heterosexual domination and bondage in the woods!

MOUTHPIECE: A real-life marching band gets figuratively sexy!

ART PRIMO: Gorgeously stylized (plus hot and sweaty) sex between women!

PLANET GIRTH: An animated short about horny rabbits!

TRAN AM: LAID OVER: Crossdressing flight attendants fuck a pilot!

MAYBE ME TIME: One woman’s private masturbation session flowers into a fullfledged orgy!

FUCK: Slam poetry about fucking! (Fuck poetry about slamming?)

JAPANESE CATHOLIC LESBIAN

SCHOOL GIRLS IN LOVE: Just what it says, and animated!

Department to issue this friendly PSA: “Donating to thrift shops is a terrific way to give a second life to your well-loved velcro sneakers, keyboards, or flannel zebra jammies. However, thrift stores cannot accept the following items: tires, soiled mattresses, laptops, large bags of marijuana.” The weed was collected into evidence and will be destroyed, the department states.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 18 The week continues with a sentence our fingers already regret typing, as today two New York teenagers were arrested for allegedly shoplifting from a lingerie store in Manhattan and one was found to be carrying around a dead fetus in a shopping bag. Seventeen-year-old Tiana Rodriguez was stopped by a Victoria’s Secret security guard who “discovered the fetus when their bags were searched,” reports News12 Brooklyn. “Rodriguez allegedly told police she delivered the baby at a friend’s house and didn’t know what to do.” Police say the fetus was born several months premature and then suffocated, but a medical examiner says further testing is needed to confirm that scenario. “The bag also contained a pair of pants that were allegedly stolen from the store, valued at $44.50,” reports News12 Brooklyn. The two girls were

BEDTIME STORIES: The Goldilocks story reimagined with big, hairy, boner-having bears!

INSPIRED SURREALITY: A corseted lady starts out looking at Tumblr porn and winds up with jizz on her face!

FUN WITH FIRE: Starring flash paper placed in close proximity to a human clit!

PORN ALL THE TIME: A rap song/video about excessive porn intake!

DADDY’S DOLLS: A genderqueer dream ballet of dolls, wine, fucking, and pee!

BEETHOVEN’S STIFF: While a penis conducts Beethoven’s Fifth, a vagina plays a French horn!

RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARSE: Sexy animated Disney parody!

SOME MOTHERFUCKING AMATURE

PORNO: Featuring teddy-bear pegging and tree fucking!

NINETEEN EIGHTY-WHORE: In a dystopian future, a woman dildos herself until she is forced to have sex with a man in a rat head!

arrested on shoplifting charges, and Rodriguez could face more charges pending further results from the medical examiner.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 19 Nothing happened today.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 20 Nothing happened today, unless you count the Robin Hood–esque religious zeal of Seattle accountant Cleo Reed, the operator of We B Tax Services who faces up to four years in prison for cheating the IRS out of millions of dollars for his poor clients. “I had a spiritual calling to give aid, support, and guidance to the underemployed, disabled, and veterans of this great land,” Reed said in a letter to the court, which was published today on Seattlepi.com. “My services were not about me exploiting others to gain financial compensation, but rather to give something back to the people who have contributed in some form or fashion to the economical rebounding of our country during our recession period.” After a 2010 sting, Reed admitted to faking income claims for unemployed clients, who would not otherwise be able to claim a low-wage tax credit because they earned no paycheck. “Doing so, he ensured they received thousands of dollars in taxpayer money they weren’t due,” explains Seattlepi.com. Investigators claim that Reed filed at least 1,305 fraudulent tax returns worth $4.3 million for destitute clients. The government has requested that Reed be ordered to repay that amount.

Send hot tips to lastdays@thestranger.com. Follow me on Twitter @ciennam.

at THESTRANGER.COM/SLOG

Using Women

Ed Murray’s Backers Are Running Dishonest Ads That Use DomesticViolence Survivors as Political Pawns

BY DOMINIC HOLDEN

Earlier this year, state senator Ed Murray warned that if he faced Mayor Mike McGinn in a two-man battle for mayor, this would “be the ugliest campaign Seattle has

ever seen.” Now Murray is on the ballot against McGinn, and, sure enough, a political action committee supporting Murray seems intent on using the dirtiest, most dishonest politics Seattle has seen in years.

Their weapon is a commercial that began airing last week. Paid for with $63,000 to buy air time just as ballots arrived in mailboxes, the TV spot makes a big claim: Mayor McGinn “eliminated the city’s office of domestic violence; now domestic violence aggravated assaults are up 60 percent.”

Terri Kimball, the former director of the city’s anti-domestic-violence program, adds sternly in the video, “To McGinn, domestic violence just wasn’t a priority.”

Sounds awful, right?

It would be—if it were true. Although the commercial argues that McGinn left abused women without city services, the opposite happened. During McGinn’s time as mayor, city funding for domestic-violence prevention increased by 19 percent, roughly 5 percent more women received domestic-violence services annually, and law enforcement got tougher on abusers.

“We suggest that you take that ad down, as it does not speak candidly to the truth,” said Patricia Hayden, cochair of the Seattle Human Services Coalition, speaking at a press conference last Thursday flanked by domestic-violence and human-trafficking prevention leaders.

The women, mostly immigrants, were furious. They argued that the ad actually does harm by broadcasting a message that the city has no services to help abused women, when, in fact, caseworkers are standing by.

If this ad were one slipup, that would be one thing. But Murray and his backers have been increasingly deceptive lately.

Murray claimed in a TV debate this month that McGinn didn’t create the innovative Community Police Commission (the mayor did create it). Last month, Murray claimed violent crime is up across the city (even though violent crime is mostly down). And an endorser at one of Murray’s campaign press conferences even declared the economy was nosediving under McGinn, when it’s actually on an upswing. Transportation is no different: Murray announced recently that he opposes North Seattle bike lanes because, he said, they “got rid of all street parking.” That is not true. Murray has refused to comment on his inaccurate claims or the ad that uses beaten women for his political gain.

Rather, Murray has stuck to a succinct script that blames the mayor for being “divisive” and “dividing people.” But on issues of crime, Murray is the one dividing people—even victimized women.

In fact, there’s more money for domestic-violence work now. During the dip of the recession, it dropped slightly from $4.2 million in 2010 to $4 million in 2011. But in the next two years, funding rebounded. Money for domestic-violence services hit what appears to be a record $5 million in 2013.

More women were helped, too. In McGinn’s first year, operating with a budget set by the Greg Nickels administration, domestic-violence caseworkers helped 8,424 women. That number increased to 8,856 by in 2012, city figures show. This year, caseworkers will help between 9,000 and 9,200 women.

But the pro-Murray PAC’s misleading attack will probably work.

A consultant for the ad was reportedly Tim Ceis, dubbed “the shark” when he was deputy mayor for former mayor Nickels. The ad exploits McGinn’s low rating among women in recent polls. It takes only a slick 30-second commercial to smear a candidate, but it requires lots

Due to a switch in computer systems, Martin said he could not provide complete data for the following two years. But the trend is obvious: Strengthening the law created a snowball of felony prosecutions for domestic violence—exactly the criminal charge that the pro-Murray camp cites as rising. “Specifically strangulation was the second most common domestic-violence felony charged” in the most recent two quarters of 2013, second only to violating a court order, Martin said.

“This tool is being used by police and prosecutors for its intended purpose, which is to hold batterers accountable,” Martin said.

In addition to the debunking on The Stranger’s blog, Slog, the Seattle Times reported that the ad was “mostly false.”

Does the PAC still stand behind the commercial?

“Absolutely,” said spokesman Dean Nielsen. Nielsen was speaking on behalf of the pro-Murray independent political action

of reporting and analysis to deconstruct it.

Still, the facts belie this smear.

So what’s the pro-Murray PAC argument?

In fact, funding to prevent domestic violence rose 19 percent during McGinn’s term.

“We shouldn’t make women’s lives a campaign issue,” argued Dr. Sutapa Basu, executive director of the Women’s Center at the University of Washington. She called it a “deceptive” attack.

SOURCES SAY

BY RICHARD CONLIN

• “We can’t do rent control at the Seattle City Council,” incumbent council member Richard Conlin told the audience at a debate last week with his challenger Kshama Sawant, calling Sawant’s campaign platform to regulate certain rents “a cruel illusion.” Likewise, of Sawant’s proposed tax on millionaires, Conlin insisted: “We don’t have the

While it’s true that the city’s Office of Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Prevention was technically eliminated, that’s simply because in 2011 the mayor and city council folded it into another division in the city’s Human Services Department, the Community Support and Self-Sufficiency Division. The city goal was to streamline management, thereby saving money. The domestic-violence work was protected (as well as its caseworkers) and remained in the same department.

authority. We can’t do that in this city.”

• Cyclists, rejoice: On October 21, a vibrant green bicycle lane opened on Broadway, running from Union Street to Denny Way (and soon all the way to Yesler Way). The lanes are physically separated from traffic by concrete curbs for much of the route, which helps safeguard against car-bike collisions. This should be just the beginning of Seattle’s new biking landscape, but mayoral challenger Ed Murray—who’s leading in the polls—is campaigning against cycle tracks. Seattle Bike Blog reported that Murray opposes North Seattle

The pro-Murray ad refers specifically to one type of felony: aggravated assault related to domestic violence. The legislature in 2007 expanded the law that covers that crime to include strangulation. David Martin, who has supervised the Domestic Violence Unit for the King County Prosecuting Attorney’s Office for the past 12 years, said after the law changed, “there was an increase in the number of felony assaults in the second degree as domestic-violence charges, and the reason is that we took cases that were previously charged as misdemeanors.”

Felony strangulation charges for domestic violence in King County rose to 185 the next year, up to 201 the next, 238 by 2010, and then 80 in the first five months of 2011.

bike lanes because, he says, they “got rid of all street parking,” which the bike blog points out is a “factual error,” but Murray

Ed Murray is campaigning against bicycle lanes and raising money on an anti-bicycle platform.

sure makes ’em sound threatening! Murray also denounced finishing the Burke-Gilman Trail’s missing link with a cycle track as

committee behind the ad, People for a New Seattle Mayor.

Murray himself refuses to comment on the claims in the ad.

While this sort of deception may be common in politics, fighting crime is one of the paramount duties of a mayor. We don’t want politicians to mislead us into believing crime is spiking everywhere, which can lead to misdeploying limited resources in ways that make people feel good but may actually make certain parts of the city more dangerous. And we absolutely do not need dishonest smears that use battered women as political props, particularly when it sends a message that services don’t exist when they do exist.

Watch the ad and comment on this story at THESTRANGER.COM/NEWS

“potentially dangerous.” What’s worse, he’s raising money on this anti-bike platform. The driving force of a “Paid for by Ed Murray for Mayor” fundraiser earlier this month were people who sought to “oppose Mayor McGinn’s cycle track” on Westlake Avenue. Murray hasn’t replied to comment on his factual errors or anti-bicycle activities.

• But Murray looks like he’ll be the next mayor anyway. Strategies 360 released the results of a survey on October 21 that, like other recent polls, shows state senator Murray with a robust lead and a majority

The Bank Was Coming

Two Days Before Eviction, Phyllis Walsh Killed Herself and Left a Note About the “Foreclosure Vultures”

BY ANSEL HERZ

The last time neighbors saw her alive, 65-year-old Phyllis Walsh was walking her dog, Arnie, as she did nearly every day. But Walsh’s life was in turmoil. Her husband, a factory worker named Jerry, died in 2009, and Walsh had struggled to pay the mortgage on the small white bungalow in South Seattle that she was now solely responsible for. “When he passed, it was very hard on Phyllis,” says Joell Rhyner, who lives across the street. “But she was active, trying to go out and do things.”

Walsh, who was retired, had been trying to refinance her mortgage so she could keep the home. Still, Walsh had not been able to stave off US Bank, which, according to King County property records, was trying to collect more than $15,000 in past-due payments and had sold her home at auction.

On the evening of Tuesday, July 30, Rhyner saw a police car in front of Walsh’s home. Walsh had fired a single pistol shot into her head, killing herself, in the front yard. A note pinned to her shirt mentioned the “foreclosure vultures” were coming.

The note began mundanely:

About the stuff

The foreclosure people will be here on thurs. they may or may not be reasonable. So, any trinkets, mementos, art Whatever should be removed quickly. Any thing too large, heavy, cumbersome or difficult let the foreclosure vultures handle…

Except for a hard decision, the last couple weeks have been filled with wonderful days, each of them perfect. Family, Church, friends, music, Arnie, enjoying the back yard…

Everything is in a terrible muddle, the house got foreclosed

While I was in the middle of a refinance (!) jeez

Jerry’s been gone four long years and I’m not

Doing so well. This is too hard to do alone.

The family had to race against the eviction. Walsh’s niece Brenda Fasoli, who provided a copy of the note to The Stranger, says she got the news from her mother that evening. “She just said, ‘Your aunt’s dead. We have to go to the house today and sort things out. The bank is taking the house tomorrow.’

“They sold the house out from underneath her,” Fasoli says angrily. Walsh had a huge record collection, “all kinds of Beatles and

Continued from the bottom of page 9

of voters backing him, placing incumbent mayor Mike McGinn outside of conventional striking distance. In the survey of 400 likely voters, Murray held a 17-point advantage with backing from 51 percent of the general electorate. McGinn has 34 percent (the remaining respondents didn’t answer or were undecided).

• Gun nuts vandalized the window of a Capitol Hill storefront sporting a Gun Free Zone sticker, tagging it with a swastika and the words “Nazi Zone”—because one gun-free Brenthaven electronics store is apparently the moral equivalent of fatally gassing millions of people.

Rolling Stones.” The neighbors came over to help move out the music as well as a piano.

Walsh’s death is just one piece of a Seattlewide epidemic of foreclosures affecting more than 20,000 homeowners long after the housing crisis sent the country into a recession. A combination of state and federal foreclosure laws were written with the spirit of encouraging banks to negotiate with homeowners and

let them keep their homes—but those laws are effectively a Swiss cheese of loopholes. City lawmakers have been considering new options to help people like Walsh before the burden becomes a crisis. But it’s not clear the will exists at city hall.

Walsh was born on November 15, 1947. She grew up in the little white house, which was built three years earlier, with her mother, who lived there until she passed.

In 1978, Walsh married Jerry, who was later disabled in a medical operation gone awry. At some point, the two of them were living on retirement and disability payments. He died four years ago following complications from heart surgery, family members say.

Walsh

Sandy guitar lessons and brought her neighbor’s daughter books from the library. One next-door neighbor calls her “life-affirming.”

Being life-affirming, though, doesn’t pay the bills. Those close to her say Walsh lived frugally, but it was clear she was struggling. Her neighbors say they’d bring her extra food. Walsh didn’t have money to fix her car, so she took the bus everywhere.

Walsh and her husband had purchased the family home in 1992, King County property records show. It appears they took out two mortgages in 2004 and 2006 with US Bank and Countrywide Home Loans, respectively. They fell $15,000 behind on the first loan and defaulted last year (I could not track down records on the second loan). US Bank signed her mortgage over to Bishop, White, Marshall & Weibel, a firm that carries out foreclosures, the records say.

including Walsh’s journal, Fasoli says it looked like the bank “passed her from specialist to specialist,” and the last specialist wouldn’t return her phone calls or the number wouldn’t go through.

People should pay their mortgages, Fasoli says. But, she adds, “small town relationships don’t exist anymore, where you can go to your banker and say, ‘Listen, I’m sick, or you know, I lost my husband.’”

More than 20,000 Seattle-area homeowners—17.4 percent of all households, according Zillow’s data—are underwater on their mortgages, meaning they owe more than the property is worth. The figure rises to 28 percent for the Seattle metro area.

“Seriously—20,000 people are underwater on their mortgages with the possibility of being foreclosed on,” says Seattle City Council mem-

The home was sold off at auction earlier this year. “We offer our sincere condolences to the family,” US Bank says in a statement, and adds that for customer confidentiality reasons, it can’t respond to questions about whether Walsh was in the midst of refinancing her mortgage.

The real estate agent who purchased and is now selling the home, David Albers, says he thinks about Walsh often. “In my business, we’re pretty hardened, and sometimes we forget that this is people’s lives we’re dealing with,” he says. “We are the foreclosure vultures, in a sense… But I don’t think the problem lies with us. After the bank auctions it off is where we come in.”

lived frugally, but it was clear she was struggling.

Walsh always stood out, with her bright red hair and unconventional fashion sense. All six people interviewed for this article remarked on the same qualities: She was smart, well-read, musical, sweet, and kind. She gave her friend

• The anti-estate-tax-obsessed Seattle Times has urged a “repeal” vote on the pointless, nonbinding advisory vote on Washington’s estate tax, calling the tax “economically wrong.” Huh. We’re not sure why Seattle Times publisher Frank Blethen is so obsessed with the estate tax—it’s not like his estate is going to be worth anything

• While the national media shits bricks over the many technical woes at the federal government’s HealthCare.gov, the website for Washington State’s health insurance exchange, WAHealthPlanFinder.org, is chugging along just fine. More than 35,000 applicants have enrolled in Obamacare health coverage in the site’s first three

“One of the harder parts is that she didn’t reach out to any of us and tell us what was going on,” Fasoli, her niece, says. “I think that’s because she was trying to do something about it, she was trying to refinance. She was trying to work with the bank to find an alternative to foreclosure.”

From the papers the family looked through,

weeks. In dramatic contrast, news outlets in Alaska report that between a mere two and seven people have signed up for the health care exchange there. “It’s clear that residents here in Washington are very interested in this new opportunity and the health insurance options that are available,” said Washington Health Benefit Exchange CEO Richard Onizuka.

• Mayor Mike McGinn popped up on Reddit on October 21 for an Ask Me Anything, the highlight of which was a question about McGinn’s fiber optic broadband program called Gigabit Seattle, set to roll out in 2014. Redditor jdsamford asked: “What will happen with Gigabit should you not win?” To which

ber Nick Licata. “That’s a real problem.” People lose their homes, he says, which contributes to homelessness and neighborhood blight.

The city council commissioned a report, released last month, that suggested the city use eminent domain to buy up homeowner debt—also known as “principal reduction”— across the city. This is in the public interest, the report says, because so many of the loans were fraudulent to begin with, and homeowners have not been able to get meaningful relief. Licata says he supports any legal strategy to achieve principal reduction.

Richmond, California, became the first city in the country to approve just such a plan this summer. Last month, a judge tossed out a lawsuit against the eminent-domain strategy by Wells Fargo and Deutsche Bank.

Evictions of homeowners like Walsh are dispatched with quickness and totality. Can policymakers muster the same urgency to protect citizens?

“I honestly believe that the majority of the council is concerned,” Licata says. “The question is what they feel comfortable doing about it.”

McGinn replied, “I don’t know, but I do know Comcast gave Murray a big pile of money.” Comcast has given $700 to Murray directly and contributed more to Murray-supportive PACs. A second poster, SeattleandStuff, advised the mayor: “This should become a bigger part of your campaign. If Ed Murray is the Comcast candidate, the entire internet will vote for you.”

• In a less impressive Reddit moment, McGinn sent those questioning his record to the website wtfmcginnhasdone.com, which just has a list of spammy links to payday loans and cat pictures. He eventually corrected it to wtfhasmcginndone.com, a list of his accomplishments as mayor.

Just Look Behind the Curtain

The Donor Lists for the GMO

Initiative Say Everything

BY ANNA MINARD

In one corner, you’ve got people—lots of people.

The campaign to pass I-522, the initiative that would mandate labeling most genetically modified (or GMO) food, can point to its parades of supporters. More than 350,000 voters signed their petition, making it the second most popular initiative in Washington State history after pot legalization. Their donor list on the Washington State Public Disclosure Commission’s website is a stunning 471 separate pages long. And then there’s more: Elizabeth Larter, a 522 spokeswoman, explains that because campaigns aren’t required to report contributions under $25, they’ve actually received more than

campaign finance violation of its kind. The GMA has since disclosed their donors, which include more than $1 million each from Pepsi, Coke, and Nestlé; half a million from General Mills; and about a quarter million each from Hershey, Campbell Soup, and ConAgra. That kind of money will buy you a lot of eyes and ears. After a month of saturating the airwaves—and the computer screens and mobile devices—of Washington State residents, what had been about a 40-point lead for the yes side in an early Elway poll has dwindled into a statistical tie, according to another Elway poll released this week. That poll pegs it at 46–42 in favor, with 12 percent undecided and a 5 percent margin of error.

13,000 donations. It’s a model of widespread, grassroots organization to make big businesses disclose what’s in their products.

Then there is the other corner.

The No on 522 campaign has a decidedly different kind of backing. For all their TV ads full of amber waves of grain and local farmers, their entire donor list can be counted on your fingers. The top five are the Grocery Manufacturers Association (GMA)—a conglomerate of food manufacturers—Monsanto, DuPont Pioneer, Bayer CropScience, and Dow AgroSciences.

“These are the same people who gave us DDT, PCBs, Agent Orange, and napalm,” says PCC Natural Markets spokeswoman Trudy Bialic.

She’s not exaggerating for effect—those dangerous chemicals were all manufactured and sold by Monsanto or Dow Chemical. The total raised by the corporate food and chemical giants? Just over $17 million, the most money ever spent opposing an initiative in this state.

As for actual people, there are only four individual human beings on the no side’s entire donor list. They gave, altogether, just $500.

Making matters worse, the GMA is an umbrella group that gave $7.2 million, but for a while it wasn’t clear who the donors behind the curtain were. Washington State attorney general Bob Ferguson brought a lawsuit last week accusing the GMA of soliciting funds from their members specifically to block I-522 and then not reporting it. If true, that would break another state record—for the largest

“We didn’t pick this fight,” says No on 522 spokeswoman Dana Bieber. She calls the initiative “inconsistent, incomplete, and inaccurate” and “an attack on our family farmers.” She says big pesticide manufacturers support their campaign because they’re just “supporting their customers,” i.e., farmers.

“These are the same people who gave us DDT, PCBs, Agent Orange, and napalm.”

(I’m not going into the politics, arguments, and science around GMO labeling here—we’ve written about it at length before. I’m just going to stick with the dough and the donors.)

While Bieber says “tens of thousands of farmers” are behind the No on 522 campaign, Larter says plenty of farmers support a yes vote, too, then goes a step further: “Our farmers have actually, as individuals, chosen to donate to 522,” she notes, citing campaign contributors as well as a separate Political Action Committee called Farmers and Friends of Initiative 522. That PAC, she notes with a smile, is “fully transparent and [is] following the letter of the law.”

And while Bieber says, “There’s big out-ofstate money on both sides,” Yes on 522 boasts just a single million-dollar-plus donor: hippie soap company Dr. Bronner’s, from California.

Voters Don’t Like the City Council

But They Won’t Pay $7 a Year to Fix It

BY CIENNA MADRID

Only about one-quarter of Seattle residents approve of the job our city council is doing, according to an October 14 SurveyUSA poll, and yet voters seem unwilling to support two ballot measures that would fix problems with the way we elect council members—measures that would encourage more challengers and promote more competitive races.

The survey, which questioned 557 likely Seattle voters in the upcoming election, found that only 28 percent of respondents “approve” of our city council’s job performance. By contrast, controversial mayor Mike McGinn has an approval rating of 36 percent—making him more popular. But while McGinn is losing in polls to retain his job against a well-funded, politically pedigreed opponent, of the four council incumbents up for reelection this year, Richard Conlin is arguably the only one facing a serious challenge, from socialist Kshama Sawant (and even that is a long shot).

Why are poor-performing council members not attracting viable challengers? The prohibitive cost of running a citywide council campaign scares many off (winning a council race usually requires $250,000), leaving a small crop of wealthy donors free to max out contributions to incumbents every election (some have already maxed out contributions for city council races slated for 2015), essentially buying a legacy of political influence.

political candidates would need to raise at least $10 each from 600 Seattle residents, at which point those donations would be matched sixto-one with public funds. Sound expensive? Not really. It would cost the average property owner less than $7 a year. The other is Charter Amendment 19, which would make seven council members elected by districts instead of citywide (leaving two at-large seats). Proponents say that campaigning in smaller districts makes it easier for challengers to reach voters and run a competitive race on a smaller budget.

But despite the dissatisfaction with our city council, a measly 15 percent of SurveyUSA respondents planned on voting for public campaign financing. Districts faired slightly better—30 percent of respondents

By contrast, controversial mayor Mike McGinn has an approval rating of 36 percent— making him more popular.

said they’d vote for Charter Amendment 19. Still, those numbers aren’t great.

Two November ballot measures would disrupt that cycle: Proposition 1 would establish a public campaign financing system to encourage challenges from candidates who don’t necessarily have a quarter-million dollars. Participating

“Since ballot measures coast-to-coast (not just in the city of Seattle) almost always underperform their poll support levels, it is unclear whether Charter Amendment 19 has enough momentum to pass,” the SurveyUSA poll notes. “The measure could go either way.”

The Stranger Election Control Board has endorsed both measures. Read why at thestranger.com.

VOTER OPINIONS ABOUT THE CITY COUNCIL

Even though only a small minority of voters approve of the city council’s job performance, they also show little enthusiasm for two measures that would give the council stronger challengers.

It’s Official: State Trying to Destroy Medical Pot Law

Legislative Work Group Suggests Repealing Rights for Sick and Dying BY

BEN LIVINGSTON

Earlier this month, The Stranger uncovered a draft document outlining the state’s plan to gut the medical cannabis law approved by Washington State voters in 1998. This week, a work group created by the legislature announced recommendations even more severe than the ones we reported. In addition to eliminating medical marijuana dispensaries, the current proposal would: (1) terminate the rights of patients to grow cannabis at home, (2) block legal defenses in court raised by patients who use cannabis under a doctor’s supervision, (3) create a taxpayer-funded patient registry program, (4) reduce possession limits from 24 ounces to three ounces, (5) require doctors to register pot patients with the state, (6) forbid doctors from specializing in medical cannabis, (7) negate every pot authorization in the state when retail pot stores open, and (8) allow newly registered patients a tax exemption at legal pot shops.

Part of the state’s goal has been to implement Initiative 502, which is the recreational marijuana law passed last fall that will allow for strictly regulated retail stores, but that law says nothing about medical marijuana. The four-page memo is a charade. It

ostensibly represents a spectrum of government interests (including the state’s departments of health, revenue, and liquor), but it is written on liquor board letterhead. And even though the budget rider that created this work group made no mention of the governor’s office, Governor Jay Inslee’s senior policy adviser took a seat on the work group—which met in secret and claimed to be exempt from public disclosure laws—and appears to have approved all of these proposals.

To be absolutely clear, the state’s medical marijuana law was never supposed to be governed by an alcohol board. And I-502’s language was not intended to affect the medical marijuana law—not by those who sponsored it or the voters who passed it. Yet opportunistic bureaucrats are using I-502 as justification to remove such basic rights as legal defenses and home cultivation for the sick and dying.

Ironically, this blow to civil liberties can be tracked back to the original backers of I-502, the American Civil Liberties Union of Washington. The ACLU and I-502 sponsor Alison Holcomb promised voters the recreational pot law wouldn’t affect our medical cannabis law. They have the most credibility to denounce this recommendation to the legislature. “The ACLU opposes elimination of home growing and the affirmative defense,” confirmed Holcomb.

The City of Seattle can also flex its lobbying power. City council members, City Attorney Pete Holmes—a sponsor of I-502—and Mayor Mike McGinn should steadfastly stand in support of patient rights. The rest of us can call the legislative hotline at 800-562-6000 and tell them to leave the medical marijuana law intact.

The Stranger Election Control Board CHEAT SHEET

For the November 5, 2013, General Election

STATE

INITIATIVE MEASURE NO. 517 No

INITIATIVE MEASURE NO. 522 Yes

ADVISORY VOTES NO. 3, NO. 4, NO. 5, NO. 6, NO. 7 Maintained

KING COUNTY

CHARTER AMENDMENT NO. 1

COUNTY DEPARTMENT OF PUBLIC DEFENSE Yes

PROPOSITION NO. 1

MEDIC ONE—EMERGENCY MEDICAL

SERVICES RENEWAL OF EXISTING LEVY Approved

EXECUTIVE

Dow Constantine

COUNCIL DISTRICT NO. 1

Rod Dembowski

COUNCIL DISTRICT NO. 5

Dave Upthegrove

COUNCIL DISTRICT NO. 9

Shari Song

PORT OF SEATTLE

COMMISSIONER POSITION NO. 1

John Creighton

COMMISSIONER POSITION NO. 2

Courtney Gregoire

COMMISSIONER POSITION NO. 3

Stephanie Bowman

COMMISSIONER POSITION NO. 4 Tom Albro

CITY OF SEATTLE MAYOR Mike McGinn

COUNCIL POSITION NO. 2

Kshama Sawant

COUNCIL POSITION NO. 4 Sally Bagshaw

COUNCIL POSITION NO. 6 Nick Licata

COUNCIL POSITION NO. 8 Mike O’Brien

PROPOSED CHARTER AMENDMENT NO. 19 Yes

PROPOSITION NO. 1 Yes

SEATTLE SCHOOL DISTRICT

DIRECTOR DISTRICT NO. 4

Sue Peters

DIRECTOR DISTRICT NO. 5

Stephan Blanford

CITY OF SEATAC

PROPOSITION NO. 1 Yes

The Case of the Mystery Turd By Cienna Madrid

Alone on a hot night , he was the only witness to a nighttime deposit he was sure was committed by an entitled dame with no shame or conscience.

It was a warm night late this past summer, the kind of night that leaves you panting between yawns like a horny-dull lover. A familiar craving drove an unsuspecting Seattle man from his condo: He needed a cigarette. He stepped outside. A few clouds hung in the breezeless sky, partially obscuring the waxed gleam of a fat gibbous moon, but not enough to dispel its brightness.

The 35-year-old man rolled a cigarette, alone. He’d lived in the small, L-shaped condominium building long enough to know the rules—if you wanted a smoke, you had to take it outside, either in the condo’s gated parking

JAMES YAMASAKI

lot or on the sidewalk. He was a computer programmer, not a rule breaker.

Laughter and muted conversation spilled out from a nearby bar. More horny-dull people struggling to make a connection in this crazy, horny-dull world. But that wasn’t what captured his attention as he took a drag off his cigarette. It was the empty, nice car he says he saw parked illegally, partially blocking his condo’s driveway. As he walked toward the rear of the car, he says, he saw an elegant woman shitting right where the driveway and the street meet.

“I definitely saw her bare ass,” he tells me over the phone.

I lean back in my office chair, pressing

When police arrived, there were no suspects to question and there wasn’t much of a crime scene to investigate. There was just an angry man holding a turd in a bag.

him for details. “And you’re sure it was a turd you saw?” I know better than most what a hot summer night can do to a lonely man’s imagination. I’m a reporter at The Stranger. It’s my business to know that kind of thing.

But he insists the combination of night air and nicotine had sharpened his senses, not dulled them. His voice is firm. “I saw her squatting, with her skirt hitched up, and a substance leaking out of her,” he says.

man walked across the street to the market where the man in the suit had bought his ice cream and casually inquired if the suit had paid for his ice cream with a credit card, because he wanted to know the man’s name.

Turns out, the suit had.

He stood on the sidewalk, cigarette in his mouth, as the well-dressed woman finished her business and stood from her crouch, he says. From her appearance, he took her to be well-to-do, someone more accustomed to reclining in the lap of luxury than squatting in the street. As he watched, he says, the woman walked to the front of the illegally parked car and slid into the driver’s seat.

That’s when he saw it. “Poo—stools,” he says. “She actually pooped right there in the driveway, when there’s a bar and a little market with a bathroom across the street.”

The man took a wild look around. The street was empty. No one else had witnessed the woman’s curbside drop-off. Just then, a man in a suit exited the neighborhood market and headed for the car with two tubs of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream.

“I said to him, ‘Hey, tell your wife not to fucking shit on my driveway,’” the man recalls. “He didn’t even look at me, just kept walking. He maybe thought I was a crazy person. I said, ‘TELL YOUR WIFE TO NOT SHIT ON MY DRIVEWAY. COME CLEAN IT UP.’”

The man in the suit did not offer to clean anything up. Instead, he slid into the passenger seat and locked the door. The outraged witness continued to curse—curse the turd, curse the couple, curse the circumstances that led to him being there, alone on a hot night with an unashed cigarette, the only witness to a nighttime deposit he is sure was committed by an entitled dame with no shame or conscience.

As a final sign of frustration, the man flicked his cigarette at the departing car. The only response was a fleeting “Fuck you!” shouted from the man in the suit as the car peeled into the night.

“What happened then?” I ask. “To the turd, I mean.”

“I did what they should’ve done,” the man says. “I cleaned up their mess.”

The man returned to his house, grabbed a plastic bag normally reserved for his red heeler’s daily deposits, and picked up the turd himself. It was robust, he recalls. The man then called the Seattle Police Department’s nonemergency hotline to report the crime. Police records show two officers were dispatched to the scene at 9:53 p.m. on August 19. As soon as he was off the phone, the

When police arrived minutes later, there were no suspects to question and there wasn’t much of a crime scene to investigate. There was just an angry man holding a turd in a bag. He gave officers the man in the suit’s name, lifted off his credit card receipt. But since the couple had already left the scene, and there were no other witnesses, there was very little officers could do. Their write-up of the incident (in which “complainant” is abbreviated to “compl”) is brief and perfunctory: “See compl about witnessing wife of susp defecating on side walk/driveway. Susp became confrontational when compl reported it to him. Susps left area in unk direction.”

That’s the entirety of SPD’s report.

The officers declined to take the turd in as evidence.

“What became of the turd?” I ask, leaning forward in my chair, intrigued.

“I threw it in the trash.”

“Can you retrieve it?”

“I suppose so,” the man says. “Why?”

“I’ll be right over.”

The day after the wife’s alleged bowel movement, August 20, I get the man in the suit on the phone. “It’s absolutely not true,” he says. “We have an outstanding reputation in town, businesswise and personal-wise. We give to charity.” He says, “In fact, I’m considering taking legal action for defamation of character.” Because they have not been charged with any crime, and because each party alleges a very different set of facts, The Stranger is not naming anyone involved in this story.

“My wife is a very dignified lady,” the man in the suit continues. “She’s 62 years old. She’s going to take her dress off and go to the bathroom in someone’s driveway in the middle [of the street]? Does that make any sense at all?”

The man in the suit acknowledges that he and his wife, who’ve been married for 40 years, were illegally parked in the driveway. They are wealthy entrepreneurs and live in a $1.3 million condo less than half a mile away. As the man in the suit tells it, he and his wife had been out enjoying dinner with friends on the Monday night in question, and since it was so hot out, they stopped by the neighborhood market on their way home to pick up two pints of Ben & Jerry’s—a choco-

late of some kind for him, caramel for her. When the man in the suit exited the store, he says, he saw an “idiot kid” shouting at his car. But the “idiot kid” wasn’t screaming about his wife, the man in the suit claims.

“I came across the street… There was this guy… he got obnoxious, and said, vulgarly, that the dog had gone to the bathroom in his driveway,” the man in the suit says. He and his wife have a 13-pound poodle.

When I start to ask why he and his wife would bring their poodle along with them to a dinner date—and presumably leave the poodle in the car on a warm night (it was 69 degrees at 10 p.m. that night), unless they were eating somewhere dog-friendly—he cuts me off and starts talking about defamation. As he brushes my questions aside, he staunchly defends his wife’s character, and his dog’s. They “never left the vehicle,” he repeats several times. “I couldn’t have been in the grocery store more than two minutes—I would’ve seen them.”

The man in the suit also claims that the condo owner, aka the “idiot kid,” never accused his wife of shitting in the driveway, just his dog, and speculates that he “either had to be drinking or on drugs.” (The 35-year-old man claims he only consumed one glass of red wine that night. He also says he never saw a dog anywhere, either in the car or on his driveway, “just that woman’s bare ass in the exact spot that turd was found.”)

“I can’t even tell you how disturbed I am that someone would make this accusation against us,” the man in the suit says. He threatens legal action against the “idiot kid” and The Stranger for pursuing this story, and says, “We should do some kind of a test on whatever he thinks was in the driveway,” before hanging up.

Roughly three weeks later, I’m sitting in a bar with a scientist who has electric-blue hair. She picks up the triplebagged specimen I’ve been harboring in my freezer ever since and says, “This looks like human poop.”

“Yeah?” I say.

“I’ve seen a fair amount of poop in my day, and yeah, this appears human, not dog.”

Finding her—finding anyone willing to run some free tests to determine this sample’s origins—was harder than a threeweek-old frozen turd. I met her on the internet. She used to test diseased human stool for a living, she tells me, and still has access to a lab. We discuss its heft as I polish off my Scotch. As dog owners, both of us, we agree that it seems larger than something a 13-pound poodle could produce. If my 15-pound terrier tried to pass something that size, he’d need an epidural first and a few stitches afterward.

That said, without a DNA sample to check it against, my blue-haired scientist tells me that identifying the origins of a turd—at least distinguishing between human and dog, which are visually similar in shape—is surprisingly complicated. Turns out, turds contain very little genetic material for scientists to examine. As the scientist explains it, human turds are about 75 percent water; the rest is made up of dead and live bacteria, indigestible foodstuffs like seeds and plant cellulose, fats, bile, dead red blood cells (which give turds their hue), and intestinal mucus. This mucus is made up of epithelium cells, which contain DNA, which is what scientists can test for (that said, the healthier the host, the easier it deposits its turds without the aid of intestinal mucus). And while scientists are adept at identifying the components of a turd, they’re less often

asked to take an unidentified sample and name the species that secreted it. Unfortunately, the man in the suit did not respond to my request for a DNA cheek swab from his wife, so my scientist friend had no way to compare the genetic makeup of the stool to that of its accused depositor.

Later, on her own time, the scientist cut the thawed stool into quarter-sized pieces in a pathogen lab with biosafety gear. There, she made a discovery that further bolstered her gut suspicion that the sample was human: It contained red chili flakes and sunflower seeds. The sample also tested positive for traces of cow DNA and negative for wheat, which could indicate a healthy human diet—the sort of protein-heavy, glutenfree diet one might expect from someone who’s well-to-do. But were the sunflower seeds and chili flakes the equivalent of a turd-embedded red herring? Maybe so. My scientist friend cautioned that her findings didn’t rule out the possibility of a well-fed dog living off of grain-free, generously spiced pet food.

From there, she cultivated control DNA samples by swabbing her dog’s cheek and her own cheek, then ran a battery of tests in which she amplified a piece of DNA cultivated from the turd and compared it to the DNA of her two controls. The results?

“Both controls reacted positively to the sample, but none could be proven definitively as dog or human,” says the scientist.

“I’m confident that whatever animal it came from, it was relatively healthy. There was no mucus, no blood. The host had a fiber-rich diet. It didn’t look like it came from a dog, but it could’ve just been a dog with a diet completely unlike my dog’s.”

Well, shit.

Days pass. I sit at my desk, engaged in a staring contest with a slice of now-dehydrated turd, wishing it had a mouth with which to surrender its secrets.

Then I pick up the phone and dial a number I know by heart. A familiar voice answers, a voice I haven’t heard in months— not since I called him a fool for silly reasons and he returned the compliment.

“I owe you an apology,” I say, breaking the silence. “And I need a favor.”

My friend is a vet tech. He couldn’t test the sample against human DNA, but he had enough dog samples lying around to potentially strike a match.

A few days later, he calls me with the results.

“I didn’t find a strong match for canine DNA, which I would expect to see,” my vet tech friend reports.

“You’re telling me that you can neither confirm nor rule out that turd came from a dog?” I ask.

“That’s right,” he says. “Based on how much dog shit I see every day, I suspect it didn’t come from a dog. I couldn’t find evidence of dog hair or parasites, and if this is a dog, it’s eating better than me.”

That said, he stressed that his tests were inconclusive. It seems that only two people, give or take a dog’s asshole, will ever know the truth of what happened while the man in the suit was in the market. This news was more bitter than sweet for the victim of the alleged shit-and-run.

“If it were some poor unfortunate bum doing it, I would’ve been grossed out and laughed,” the 35-year-old man who instigated this whole story says. “But since it was a well-off woman doing it, right there when there was a bar across the street and a market nearby with a bathroom, that’s awful. I wouldn’t drop trou right there in the street and expect someone else to clean it up,” he says. “She basically used my doorstep as a bathroom and then walked away like it was nothing. She should be ashamed of herself.”

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SOUNDS OF HORROR

“EMOTIONAL

RESCUE”

BY THE ROLLING STONES

“Emotional Rescue” starts out so innocently. It’s vintage Rolling Stones white-boy soul, the hi-hat tinging, the bass deep, Mick Jagger’s harmless falsetto chiming in—it’s catchy, and you can’t quite understand the words, and you’re ready to dance, aren’t you? When I heard it on the radio as a child, it always fooled me with its innocuous beginning: “I was dreaming… last night…” Dreams are nice. Not like nightmares. I’m just a little girl, living life, listening to some rock and roll while playing paper dolls or whatever. No problem. “You could be mine, mine, mine, mine, all mine,” the man in the song says. Okay, like “Be mine” on a valentine… okay. Things that are horribly creepy are all the more creepy when you’re not expecting them. Children are forgetful. “Mmmmmm,” the man on the radio says with monstery relish, and the happy bounce of the bass falls away. “Yeeessssssss, you could be mine. Tonight and EVERRRRY night. I will be your KNIGHT in SHINING ARMOR, coming to your eeeeee-MO-tional rescue.” Nooooo. Incantatory, casting a spell, now: “You will be mine you will be mine all mine…” over and over and over. The saxophone here sounds terrorized, like it’s bleating a warning before it gets slashed with this monster-man’s claws. Now, wait—no, stop—“I will be your knight in shining armor, riding across the desert, on a fine Arab CHARRRRGER.” He inhales with a hisssss. NO NO NO NO NO. Run across the room, turn off the radio, heart beating fast. Even a girl can see that this is not a rescue, emotional or otherwise. This is a demon looking for a host.

The rest of the song, should one be able to stand it, is more saxophone bleats and disturbing slipped beats, as the universe falls apart. Only now, today, do I know the rest of the lyrics, including:

I come to you, so silent in the night

So stealthy, so animal quiet

I’ll be your savior, steadfast and true

I’ll come to your emotional rescue

I’ll come to your emotional rescue

According to a Stones biography, Mick Jagger said “Emotional Rescue” was about “a girl who’s in some sort of manhood problems,” one who’s “just a little bit screwed up and he wants to be the one to help her out.” You’re not making things any less creepy there, Mick. Can you even ride a horse?

Shudder. BETHANY JEAN CLEMENT

The Stranger Staff on Songs That Scare the Shit Out of Us

“DON’T

WORRY, BE HAPPY”

BY BOBBY McFERRIN

Sometimes the happiest songs are also the most sinister. Filmmakers know this all too well. Remember how creepy “Singing in the Rain” was in A Clockwork Orange? Or “Stuck in the Middle with You” in Reservoir Dogs, “Mr. Sandman” in Halloween II, “Sussudio” in American Psycho, and “Tiptoe Through the Tulips” in the horror flick Insidious? When something innocent turns evil, it packs a pretty hellish punch. For me, this evil song will always be the cheery late-1980s reggae a-cappella radio hit “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” by Bobby McFerrin. On the album cover, McFerrin is grinning with every single one of his upper teeth, and the title is written in all caps, with an exclamation point, and is centered between two yellow smiley faces. It demands that you BE HAPPY. In the MTV video, he played two people—himself (always HAPPY) wearing a white tux and no shoes, and another very UNHAPPY man in a brown business suit and round glasses. There’s a quick close-up of this businessman’s face over a blurry background, his tongue protruding a bit, the whole scene washed in red light, right before he jumps off a window ledge in a post-stock-market-crash suicide. It was the song that was quietly playing on the radio the night I stumbled, barefoot, wearing only blood-soaked pajamas, into a 7-Eleven looking for a police officer to help my boyfriend after he’d slit both of his wrists. It was eerily playing in the waiting room at my Friday the 13th appoint-

ment with an oral surgeon in Ann Arbor, Michigan, named Dr. Fear (google him if you don’t believe me) on the day I had to get all four of my wisdom teeth pulled before my health insurance ran out. I kicked a clock radio across my college dorm, smashing it to bits, when the song came on as an alarm one morning—the morning I was about to call my mom and tell her that, even though she did an excellent job of making birth control 100 percent accessible to me, even in my early teens, I’d fucked up and was pregnant in only the first semester at an expensive college we both worked really hard to get me into. I fully believe that whenever the shit’s about to hit the fan in my life, “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” is playing SOMEWHERE, at a creepy low volume, whether I can hear it or not. And even though the song is now older than dirt (and not a classic or even “classic rock”) and has pretty much vanished from most of the world’s playlists, I fully expect it to pop up somehow on the day of my funeral. Oh yes, ol’ Bobby McFerrin will try to take one last jab at me, I just know it. “Hey, Kelll-leeeeeee… here’s a little song I wrote, you might want to sing it, note for note?”

KELLY O

ANY RADIO HIT BY JOHN COUGAR MELLENCAMP

John Cougar Mellencamp’s shaggy brand of blue-skies-blue-jeansblue-collar-red-white-and-also-blue Heartland, USA, rock is so disturbing, so claustrophobia-inducing, that if it comes on

the radio while I’m in the car, I will pull over, heart racing, and mash my hand against the console until it shuts off. You realize how terrifying his songs are, right?

“Small Town” is about being born in a small, middle-American town that secretly feeds sedatives into the water supply to ensure you work there, go to school there, and visit your parents every day there—your whole entire life—until you die and are then subsequently buried there. I’m sweating just typing that. “Jack & Diane” is a little ditty about peaking at the age of 16, somewhere in the Bible Belt, when your high-school boyfriend knocks you up after eating a chili dog. “I Need a Lover” is about the world’s worst one-night stand with a sociopath. And “Pink Houses” isn’t even a real song, it’s a prop song played on an hourly loop in the aforementioned Small Town to further instill complacency by (a) vaguely naming two kinds of men you might find in America, and (b) reminding you that you are, in fact, “free,” but that (c) leaving Small Town will end in bills and pills that kill (because you went after— you guessed it—thrills).

The most sinister element of the Coug’s music is the bright, strumming, hot-applepie way it’s delivered. The minute you sense anything creepy, a shrill harmonica tases you until you’re screaming the pledge of allegiance from the top of your pickup truck made of Styrofoam, red meat, cigarettes, and incandescent lightbulbs.

Okay wait, the actual scariest thing about the Cougster has to be the hair-raising occasion when a loved one or respected peer turns out to be under his breadbaskety

spell. Imagine: You’re in the car. Your buddy turns on the radio. “Small Town” is playing. You instinctually reach your hand out to mash to another station. Your pal stops you: “I love this song!” they exclaim. You look up in horror. They’re smiling, eyes glazed over. You’re trapped. They sing along. Gonna die in this small town! AHHHHHHHHHH!

EMILY NOKES

“OLD MAN JACOB’S WELL” BY

WBOOGIEMONSTERS

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Creative Deadline: Wed 11/6

Space is limited. Be sure to book your ad early for this very special guide!

hat is it about wells—stony, dark, deep reservoirs of terror—that creep me the fuck out? See, I’m a city (as in inner-) boy, and I’ve always gotten my fluoridated fix from a tap, whether it was the rusty LA vintage of my youth or Seattle’s clean, bright brand. Wells, which I always associate with farms, conjure images of the usual countrified horror we all know—bloodthirsty rednecks, sharp pitchforks, endless silent woods—but also have a certain elemental creep-out that’s hard to pin down. It’s a fucking hole in the ground, deep as shit. Does it go to the center of the earth, where undiscovered creatures and evolutionary throwbacks still flourish—and occasionally feast on a hapless spill-taking drunk—or is it a flume straight to hell? Visions straight out of pre-censorship EC Comics dance in my head, even though the only encounter I’ve had with a well was the slimy, filmy-feeling water-softened shower I took in Wisconsin at my girl’s dad’s place. Violent Femmes did it first with the blood-freezing “Country Death Song” (allegedly based on a real incident from 1862, when a man threw his daughter down a well before hanging himself), but it was the New York–based rappers Boogiemonsters (once obscure and now mostly, sadly, forgotten) that perfectly crystallized the creeping dread inherent in this man-made abyss. “Old Man Jacob’s Well” is told (in chilling voicealtered verses) from the perspective of the titular child-killer, Jacob (“I kill to forget, the devil doesn’t even dare me anymore”), and from that of his latest victim, who before his capture declares himself “the fastest kid around.” It’s the kid’s verse that makes my chest the most tight—he goes from strong and quick to running, tripping, caught; he fears rape as Jacob sticks a sock in his mouth. Jesus. The hook chants, “14 souls dwell, in Old Man Jacob’s well,” but by the end, Jacob will “wipe the blood off [his] knife and drop the 15th body down into the well.”

After I first heard this song, every time I played The Underwater Album (underappreciated, natch), I always skipped track nine. LARRY MIZELL JR.

“HOW MUCH LONGER” BY THE POP GROUP

The Pop Group’s For How Much Longer Do We Tolerate Mass Murder? came out in 1980, and it hit me like machine-gun fire when I heard it as an 18-year-old. Led by the hysteria-prone vocalist/provocateur Mark Stewart, this

British post-punk band thrust a hardcore left-wing ethos during Margaret Thatcher’s reign, buttressed by some of the most savage funk, avant-jazz, dub, and noise rock ever laid down. The track “How Much Longer” especially sent a chill down my spine—and every other bone—upon initial contact during that summer before my freshman year of college. In it, Stewart makes indignant accusations against the world’s corrupt, greedy, warmongering forces (“There’s a hell of a lot of money to be made from wars,” “Why let sadistic mass murderers control our world?” “Nixon and Kissinger should be tried for war crimes”). He really seems to be at the end of his tether. Meanwhile, the scathing guitar echoes that from James Brown’s “Papa’s Got a Brand New Bag,” but tightened up with battlefield urgency, and the bass and drums agitate into militant dub maneuvers. Because of those dub influences, there’s a lot of space in this piece, and in those lacunae, tension and menace thrive. Near the end, a calamitous noise-rock/free-jazz clamor bursts forth, signifying apocalypse and/or the Pop Group’s infernal rage at the state of things. Then everything drops out except a deep, bubbling cauldron sound. That is the final straw, the element that pushes things into nightmare realms. It always makes me think of human bodies boiling, of unspeakable agony. Stewart whispers, “They’re planning the holocaust,” and you feel an urge to yank the needle off the record/hit pause. But instead, masochistically, you play it again. Because might as well admit it, you’re addicted to horror.

DAVE SEGAL

“BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO” BY

NEIL SEDAKA

This song has always given me the willies, like the family friend who encourages you to call him “uncle” even though there is no relation. Something about the dissonance between the lyrics, rife with pleading and blatant emotional manipulation (“I beg of you, don’t say goodbye,”), and the jaunty doo-wop has always conjured images of a blank-faced ventriloquist dummy, with no puppeteer in sight, singing from inside a darkened closet. The verbiage of the carpet doesn’t match the audible drapes! Sedaka’s signature lilting falsetto only adds insult to injury as far as the stalkerish, flowerbed Peeping Tom vibe is concerned. This is the song Marky Mark would have crooned through the keyhole to Reese Witherspoon in Fear, had it been a musical. I appreciate that it’s an attempt

at sweetening a particularly somber topic usually fraught with mascara-laced tears and the rupturing of a shared record collection (breaking up sucks, y’know?), but a world in which folks don’t make the necessary changes in their life just because it would be a bummer is far more terrifying to me than any potentially lonely singledom. There are other more outwardly disturbing songs from this same era, like “He Hit Me (And It Felt Like a Kiss)” by the Crystals and “Wishin’ and Hopin’” by Dusty Springfield (“Do the things he likes to do/Wear your hair just for him”). But every time I hear the sniveling yet chipper shoop-bopbop of “Breaking Up Is Hard to Do,” I can’t help but picture Sedaka, pomaded hair all a mess, wielding a kitchen knife: “Don’t take your love away from me, don’t you leave my heart in misery!” KATIE MARTIN

“LAND OF CONFUSION” BY GENESIS

Iblame goddamn Genesis and their goddamn “Land of Confusion” video for a reoccurring nightmare I’ve suffered since I was at least 8 years old. Is the song itself scary? No. But the video damaged me. Even today, in my 30s, I can’t hear “Land of Confusion” without seeing flashes of the video, with its lumpy, freaky puppets, the heads being plucked out of the swamp, the tongue sandwich. Oh god! The TONGUE SANDWICH!

“Land of Confusion” was the first time I remember a song pointing out that we are fucked. Hearing Phil Collins sing, “There’s too many men, too many people, making too many problems,” it made my adolescent brain face man’s inevitable destruction and It… Was… Terrifying.

It was too much for my little mind to comprehend, in fact, and it has haunted me ever since. My nightmare picks up where the video leaves off (after Ronald Reagan

I blame goddamn Genesis for a reoccurring nightmare

accidentally nukes everyone): I’m at my parents’ house, in the backyard, and I’m just realizing that everyone else in the world has ceased to exist. I hear something, though— tiny giggling. It’s coming from under the cars parked in the driveway. It’s coming from inside the house. I’m frozen, petrified. I see a flash of a creature run through my peripheral vision. I turn around. Another one! IT’S ONE OF THE LAND OF CONFUSION HEADS. They’re surrounding me, bouncing around, bodyless and giggling horrible high-pitched giggles, darting up into trees and under porches. And then I wake up, screaming. MEGAN SELING

STRANGER SUGGESTS

Movable Type BOOKS

Movable Type is a mixer with a bewitchingly simple premise: Bring the book you’re reading to the bar. Buy a drink. Talk to a stranger about the book they brought. Be ready to talk about the book you brought. (Genres spotted at past Movable Types include mysteries, poetry, sci-fi, classics, philosophy, and biographies of bookstore cats.) Buy more drinks. Repeat. How often in Seattle do you get a chance to be in a space that gives you permission to strike up a conversation with a total stranger based on the book they’re carrying? Come try it; it’s fun! (Vermillion, 1508 11th Ave, facebook.com/movabletypemixer, 7:30 pm, free) PAUL CONSTANT

Lit Crawl BOOKS

This literary choose-your-own-adventure spans 20 events in venues all over downtown and Capitol Hill. You could see 2012 Stranger Genius Ellen Forney talking about comics at Hugo House, followed by 2013 Stranger Genius Maged Zaher reading work-related poetry at Office Nomads, and 2009 Stranger Genius Stacey Levine telling bedtime stories back at Hugo House. Or you could see Ivan Doig at Town Hall, followed by Will Self at the Central Library, and Copper Canyon poets Elaina Ellis, Matthew Dickman, and Ed Skoog at Sole Repair. Unlike most choose-your-ownadventure books, there are no bad endings. (Nineteen locations, litcrawl.org/seattle, 6 pm–midnight, free, some venues 21+) PAUL CONSTANT

Javier Sicilia

DRUGS/POLITICS

What does Washington’s legalization of marijuana look like from a Mexican perspective? Javier Sicilia is coming to tell us at two events today, the first at Seattle University and the other at the South Park Community Center. In 2011, after his son and six others were killed by narcos, Sicilia—a poet, journalist, and novelist—began leading estamos hasta la madre (or “we’ve had it”) protests across the country. He became the face of public indignation about corruption and the drug war. Both events are free and highly recommended. (Seattle University Law School, Lecture Hall C6, 901 12th Ave, 1 pm; South Park Community Center, 8319 Eighth Ave S, 6 pm; see aclu-wa.org for details) BRENDAN KILEY

Collide-O-Scope

VIDEO

Night of the LTD MUSIC

The acronym “LTD” might make some people think of “living the dream.” Others may think of “limited,” as in “precious” and “rare.” This show is both, and kids under 21 should jump RIGHT NOW at this chance to see four—count ’em FOUR—of Seattle’s newest, red-hottest hiphop acts under one roof: Kingdom Crumbs, OCnotes, Jarv Dee, and ILLFIGHTYOU

This all-ages show will be hosted by El Mizell, aka Larry Mizell Jr.—who DJs one of my most favorite KEXP shows, Street Sounds, and is The Stranger’s best (and only) hiphop columnist. This show will get wild. There’s a bar for the 21+ heads, too. (Neptune Theatre, 1303 NE 45th St, stgpresents.org, 8:30 pm, $15, all ages) KELLY O

‘Rinse | Reuse | Repeat’ ART

For three years, the women behind Interstitial Theatre have been working hard to present video art anywhere they can. They started out in a closet. Now, thanks to Storefronts Seattle, they have more than 15,000 square feet of dedicated space for three months in the former Egbert’s furniture store in Belltown. Rinse | Reuse | Repeat is the first exhibition and will deal with “the tension that builds through the repetitive actions we take in an effort to achieve happiness.” Artists include Erin Elyse Burns, Dakota Gearhart, and Sarah Bliss. Plus, yoga while watching video art happens once a week. (Belltown Collective, 2231 First Ave, interstitialtheatre.org, 1–7 pm, free, through Nov 8) JEN GRAVES

Created and hosted by the ace video-foraging duo Shane Wahlund and Michael Anderson, Collide-OScope is the twice-monthly Re-bar night featuring hours of enrichingly freaky video, from news bloopers to 1970s variety-show disasters to mindbending found treasures. The theme of tonight’s show is Halloween, so expect thrills, chills, creepycrawly gross-outs, Halloween-inspired modern dance routines, and full-frontal Witchiepoo, all presented in a room serving free popcorn and Red Vines (and any booze you want, for a price).

(Re-bar, 1114 Howell St, rebarseattle.com, 8 pm, $6, 21+) DAVID SCHMADER

‘Wadjda’ FILM

Monday Night Specials

CHOW Who wants to go out on Monday night? Not that many people, which is why restaurants and bars have enticing specials for you. Beer lovers should get themselves to Quinn’s on Capitol Hill for half-price on all large-format bottles of beer (more than two dozen kinds!). Montlake favorite Cafe Lago’s wood-fired pizzas are $10 tonight (usually $16), with $5 glasses of Chianti. At Terra Plata on Capitol Hill, the great Tamara Murphy makes paella for $15 per person And on Madison, the BottleNeck Lounge serves $5 Evan Williams manhattans. Happy Monday! (Info at thestranger.com/ chowevents) BETHANY JEAN CLEMENT

Wadjda is a 10-year-old girl who doesn’t quite fit in: She listens to pop music, wears high-top Converse, has a friend who’s a boy, and really wants a bicycle. Her all-girls school teaches proper moral behavior for women, and she gets in trouble for her entrepreneurial endeavors and uncommon ideas. At home, her father is being pressured to take another wife in order to have a son. Writer-director Haifaa al-Mansour’s debut is the first feature filmed entirely in Saudi Arabia, and it’s a remarkable look inside an intensely religious and closed society. (Harvard Exit; 807 E Roy St; 323-0587; 4:45, 7:15, and 9:30 pm; $8–$10.50) GILLIAN ANDERSON

ART

Open-Air Dealer People Will Do Anything to Sell Art

BY JEN GRAVES

Beth Cullom is a polite, pretty, neatly dressed lady keeping one eye out for the authorities. She’s staked out a spot at the Olympic Sculpture Park pavilion, a privately owned place like any cafe or bar suited to freelance wheeling-and-dealing, but full of natural light and with incredible views of water and mountains and monumental outdoor sculpture sometimes foregrounded by a couple practicing tango in full view on the patio or people doing tai chi. Cullom has not asked permission to be here. She plans to stay four hours, the duration of a single parking sticker.

This is not what Cullom had in mind when she opened an art gallery in the International District five years ago. Before that, she apprenticed with elder Japanese prints dealer Carolyn Staley, a job defined by the study of beautiful arcana and jetting off to Asia and Europe.

Cullom’s own gallery, Cullom Gallery, specialized in art on paper, mixing antique prints with delicate works of today. When

art—discovering it, learning about it, hanging it, talking about it—and selling it. Even after Cullom closed her gallery this summer, she made clear she’d continue to promote her roster of artists online and through house calls. She had two more ideas, too: unsanctioned stakeouts and Amazon.com. What one has, the other lacks.

Amazon promises the potential of a mass audience but brings some weird circumstances. There’s a function where you click to see a photo of an artwork hung in an upscale room—the room is always the same: gray chair, ottoman the color of pea soup, art above soup—a function that has the effect of rendering artworks indistinct specks unless they are a certain size and type. In a short time, Cullom has sold two prints on Amazon. Both were antique prints that went to faraway buyers, one-click transactions that ended there, slightly to Cullom’s disappointment, though she is quick to say, with hope, that it’s too early to know anything about Amazon art, really.

The unsanctioned stakeout—a sort of art fair in dark glasses—is another float in an endless parade of attempts to find ways to sell art outside The Old Model (the gallery system, although artists have also sold on streets for centuries). It seems people will do just about anything to get art attention. Artists give it away in the mail, just give it away— Seattle’s Carl Chew has been doing this to a small crew of devoted, unpaying “subscribers” for decades. This past summer, an art dealer in Atlanta bought a clunking VW bus and drove to 10 cities to show photography, calling it Crusade for Art.

In the food business, a pop-up might be expansionist. Here’s another story involving a vintage vehicle: Skillet, the Airstream food truck that’s grown into a sparkling (simulation of a) diner in two full restaurant versions. (Your prices make your food taste less cute, Skillet.)

LOOSE LIPS

• Berlin seems to be shaping up as the next Williamsburg for Seattle. Not only do rumors say that former Northwest Film Forum programmer Adam Sekuler plans to relocate there, but it’s become home in recent years to at least two Stranger Genius winners, visual artist Alex Schweder and Implied Violence performer Mandie O’Connell, plus writers like Steven Blum, a former contributor to this paper. In 2007, Blum wrote about helping a veterinarian squeeze a dog’s anal glands for The Stranger, and more recently caused something of a scandal among the Jewish intelligentsia worldwide with a piece called “Tackling Casual Racism in the Berlin Startup Scene.” Who will be the next Seattleite to move to Germany’s capital?

• E-booksellers including Amazon. com are reportedly cracking down on self-published authors who specialize in “erotica” with graphic titles including Animal Rape and Lactation Sex with My Two Dogs and Daddy Rapes Me. Self-published authors are up in arms over online booksellers cutting those books from their backlists, but the booksellers fear the prospect of those books attracting the attention of the mainstream media. There’s literally no one to cheer for in this story.

sales didn’t pay the rent, Cullom closed the gallery on Main Street. That was July. Now, last Thursday, she enters the pavilion at the Olympic Sculpture Park clutching a large white portfolio marked “MUST RIDE FLAT.” Out of the portfolio she slides a pile of original drawings, paintings, and prints. She sets them on the table, all the ingredients of a full tabletop art exhibition—one that can be packed up in a hurry, like a display of knockoff watches glinting in a trench coat in an informal System D economy on a city street anywhere in the world.

This isn’t really System D: Cullom will pay taxes if she sells anything. She just doesn’t have permission to be here, which has its own experiential quality, and if someone from the Olympic Sculpture Park is reading this, one hopes that person will not begin to spoil anything by either explicitly furnishing permission or denying it, that s/he will put down this story, walk away, and forget this ever happened.

Other equipment: a checklist of titles and prices for the art, a Square credit card reader, wrapping materials. Once set up, Cullom sits down, begins typing on her laptop to keep a low profile, and waits for her first customer to arrive. She’s told Facebook she’ll be here 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. It’s her first time doing this, but she plans to make it a twice-monthly event.

Her first customer approaches shyly, wearing a baseball cap over a long gray ponytail and sneakers, as if she, too, is incognito.

Art dealers like two things: presenting

Cullom’s pop-up has no “pop” and no “up,” being so low-profile that one customer had to ask someone at another table, “Isn’t there supposed to be art here?” It’s unlikely to generate a shiny new Cullom Gallery. Yet as an art experience, it turns out to be pretty great. Nothing is framed. Nothing’s behind glass. Everything’s soft and bright as it wants to be.

“I’ll start with the really quiet work,” Cullom starts, quietly, with a customer.

She spreads out 11 black-on-white-paper prints by Juliet Shen, inspired by an informal residency Shen spent on the polluted Duwamish River. Cullom and her customer sit talking about the ancient waterway, about speaking and painting, typography and art. Cullom turns over the portfolio like book pages, introducing another artist: Mugi Takei, whose eight bizarre, bravely confessional paintings look extra vulnerable this naked and close up.

Cullom’s third and final artist—all are based in Seattle—is Robert Hardgrave. She has 18 of his pieces, a full, respectable solo show. One has dark hard forms suspended like fuselage on a milky piece of hand-marbled rice paper. It feels like Hardgrave’s work has never looked so good, loose and wild like this.

Hardgrave himself arrives at the end of the day, the last of eight total visitors over four hours. No sales.

“But I did all that,” Cullom says, “and I wasn’t paying rent!” On October 29, Cullom will set up at a downtown bar for a night for the first time—trying out the nighttime version of the stakeout. Anything could happen. “I suppose if I show up and there’s a giant bachelor party going on…”

“I was skeptical at first, but I trust her,” Hardgrave says. About the dual experiences of being represented on the world’s largest corporate website and in this whispery live show, he shrugs. “This is the world we live in.”

• Sinner Saint Burlesque decided not to hold its upcoming postshow talkbacks at Storyville Coffee in Pike Place Market after learning of the cafe’s ties to creepy, superconservative Mars Hill Church. “As a feminist performance group, we have no affiliation with Mars Hill Church, nor do we wish to establish one,” they said. They’ll announce the new location for the discussions at their “The Inheritance Series” shows at the Can Can, starting October 24.

• The new Ballard location of Bauhaus is open on Market Street and is Ballardy and adorable. The baristas are friendly and sweet, the space is airy and well windowed, and they’ve been handing out free cookies decorated with that Bauhaus motorcycler. Twice Sold Tales is set to open next door in a matter of weeks, and the B&O already has its Ballard spot nearby. The Capitol Hill Bauhaus is set to reopen next month in the former Capitol Club space on Pine.

• While his previous feature Waxie Moon in Fallen Jewel continues its hit monthly screening at Central Cinema, Seattle filmmaker Wes Hurley has announced the core creative team for his next feature, an “autobiographical queer epic” about growing up gay in the collapsing Soviet Union, starring burlesque star Lou Henry Hoover as the young Hurley, celebrated stage actor/ Stranger Genius Marya Sea Kaminski as his mother, and the ace producer duo of Mel Eslyn and Lacey Leavitt behind the scenes.

• Poet Sandra Simonds wrote an open letter to the Chicago-based Poetry Foundation accusing the nonprofit organization of squandering a $200 million endowment on things like a new building and an online collection when it could be benefiting “the welfare of the many poets facing unprecedented economic challenges in this unstable economy.” A Change.org petition has gathered a thousand signatures, and local poets including Rauan Klassnik are agitating on social media.

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Real-Estate Snuff Porn

A Photographic Chronicle of the Housing Market

BY JEN GRAVES

Ross Sawyers began with the simple observation that the newly constructed housing he was seeing delivered a shock of cognitive dissonance: It was bright, cheerful—and feeble. That was in 2007. Bright, cheerful, poorly made housing was going up all over the University District and other parts of Seattle; Sawyers was here getting his MFA in photography at the University of Washington. His 2007 photographs of empty, pre-lived-in rooms are pretty and eerie. They looked like they knew what was about to happen.

REVIEW

Ross Sawyers: This Is the Place Platform Gallery Through Nov 23

Sawyers moved to Chicago for a teaching gig at Columbia College, but he’s shown every two years like clockwork at Platform Gallery in Seattle. Added up, those four shows are four chapters of a Great American Novel about real estate and photography, and those descriptors can be scrambled in various ways that still describe what he’s wrought: stately, fake American photography; estate photography for (dead) Great American realities. What you see is, first, a house badly built and ready to be moved into (Divided Spaces, 2007); next, a house shrouded and then abandoned (Contained Within, 2009, and Dismantled Rooms, 2011); and, finally, in the new exhibition This Is the Place, a house not inhabited by anybody at all, stripped of everything, bearing only scratched codes on the walls left by hoboes. Nobody lives here anymore; they just pass through.

Back in 2007, Sawyers would go to open houses on Sundays posing as a would-be buyer to do research. He’d go back to his studio, build dioramas of the rooms, elaborately light them, and print large photographs. Later, since nobody was hosting open houses for foreclosed-on properties, Sawyers’s images became more imagined and imaginary. In 2009, he introduced the first evidence of an outside-world infiltration in the pre-livedin rooms: A pile of dirt appeared inside, unexplained. In 2011, a sunny room dominated by a bright yellow circle of light did not have its own sun, it just had an ugly circular tear in one wall—Sawyers twisting the knife in the warm, light-filled space of real-estate porn.

This Is the Place is glam. It’s a blackmetal, lens-flare phantasmagoria. Sawyers is shooting in color, but the palette is mostly black and white, with the exceptions of those luminescent flares. There’s one untitled photograph, the only one that doesn’t contain code, no hobo symbol. It’s just a spotlight shot at a black wall. The wall has that orange-peel texture, and the bright light silverizes and caresses every stupid little groove, blowing them all up big, an ugly situation yielding a sarcastically pretty picture. Not all the pictures are so sarcastic. Some are downright bad pictures, like the ones hastily shot by banks when they list foreclosed-on properties. Some look almost like drawings. The works raise questions about poverty porn and offer no easy answers. Their reliance on black-and-white toys with the documentary tradition.

Is it obnoxious, righteous, or some unholy combination of the two for

to appear in the white cube of an art space in 2013? The emotional tenor of these new pictures is rage—they’re artier and angrier than Sawyers’s prior stuff, and more potent for it. Who’s the angry party? The hobo code in Dishonest House is a curved blade, meaning a dishonest person lives here. Sawyer has it so it’s almost invisible—scratched out of a layer of paint, then covered over with a layer of that same paint so it’s camouflaged. The symbol doesn’t speak, it just glares.

BOOKS

Circular Logic

Dave Eggers Wants to Warn You About the Internet

BY PAUL CONSTANT

When Katherine Losse heard about Dave Eggers’s new novel, The Circle, she felt ripped off. Losse hadn’t read The Circle, but the description of the book— a young woman starts working at a huge social network—sounded awfully close to her memoir The Boy Kings: A Journey into the Heart of the Social Network, about her experience as one of the few women to work at a new startup called The Facebook. Losse wrote a blog post accusing Eggers of plagiarism: “From all appearances, it is the same book, and I wrote it first (and I imagine mine is more authentic and better written, because I actually lived in this world and am also a good writer).” Eggers claims not to have read The Boy Kings. Losse later deleted the post, but not before the text of it churned around on the usual literary blogs. Now that The Circle has been released, the truth is clear. Anyone who reads both books knows they bear no more relation than a chunk of basalt does to a hummingbird. Losse is at best a competent writer. The language of The Boy Kings does nothing more than lurch along the page. Her best observations are on the subject of Facebook’s brogrammer culture. In 2006, for Mark Zuckerberg’s birthday, male employees were asked to wear Zuckerberg’s trademark Adidas sandals to work, while women were asked to wear T-shirts with his face printed on them. “The gender coding was clear,” Losse writes. “Women were to declare allegiance to Mark, and men were to become Mark, or at least to dress like

him.”

But outside of a few interesting anecdotes, The Boy Kings is vapid. One of Losse’s recurring insights is that Facebook is like the Eagles song “Hotel California.” If that strikes you as deep, you may have found your next favorite book. The story goes nowhere; Losse decides to write a book about Facebook, so she quits Facebook. The end.

Outside of the fact that the protagonist, Mae Holland, is a woman starting work in customer support for a tech company, The Circle bears no resemblance to The Boy Kings. Unlike Losse, who was at Facebook from nearly the start, Holland is a cog in a galaxy-sized machine. The Circle is an internet goliath that seems to have eaten nearly every other online service you can think of, from PayPal to Twitter to YouTube. The corporate culture combines the zaniness of Google’s extravagant sense of play with Facebook’s intense, almost religious fervor for transparency. The employees barely want for anything; the company provides free clothes and shelter and food. All it asks of them in return is their continuous and unwavering devotion.

REVIEW

The Boy Kings by Katherine Losse (Free Press, $26) The Circle by Dave Eggers (Knopf/McSweeney’s, $27.95)

After an especially welcoming first day on the job as a customer service rep, the Circle starts to heap more and more responsibilities on Holland. At first, she’s answering customer questions—the company expects near-perfect scores from their employees on customer satisfaction surveys. Then she learns she has to maintain social networking graces, too. She’s expected to accept online invitations to parties, network with strangers who send her messages, mark products and services with a smile or a frown, send frequent Twitter-like “Zings,” and comment on coworkers’ blogs. She’s chastised for spending a weekend away from work when there were so many fun events taking place on the sprawling Circle campus, “all of which are of course totally optional.”

Eggers clearly did his homework; the chameleonic affinity he displays for the enthused corporate drivel of tech companies is almost up to David Foster Wallace’s standards. When you parse all the inane dot-com language about Zings and InnerCircles and OuterCircles, you realize that Holland’s job is to see everything, share everything about her own life, and to be a relentlessly positive and eternally contributing member of the digital society.

Eggers has never been so funny, and rarely has his outlook felt so bleak. There

are several good running jokes rippling The Circle, and Eggers understands that a believable satire has to slowly pile on the absurdities or risk toppling. It’s a delicate balance, and it’s not clear until the book’s final two pages that Eggers has managed to sustain it all the way through.

This is not to say that The Circle is the best work of Eggers’s career. His previous A Hologram for the King, addressed many of the same themes—the relationship between alienation and technology, the damning distance created by modern language—in a more economical fashion. The plot of The builds to a revelation that feels unearned and even unnecessary. But if you work on the internet for a living, or if you’re just looking for a convincing argument against the attention-starved monstrosity that our online life has become, The Circle is the most full-throated defender of the dignity intrinsic to privacy that I’ve ever read. For instance, Losse might have maintained more dignity had she kept her complaints private.

BOOKS

Too Big to Fail Everybody’s Reading in This Year’s Lit Crawl

BY PAUL CONSTANT

ATHEATER Theater Review Revue

Sea Monsters, Carnal Chickens, and an Orphaned Tomboy

The Underneath Annex Theatre Through Nov 16

The Underneath opens with big pink scuba flippers flopping up and down on a pier. They’re attached to the legs of a girl, who’s on top of a boy in an amorous beachside writhe, flippers waving clunkily up and down. In moments, at least one of those flipper-encased feet won’t be attached to a leg anymore. And so a show about the evil ocean, or an evil ocean monster, or maybe an ancient evil fish— it’s never entirely clear—begins with humping and gore, which is a good precursor to the rest. In a Twin Peaks–like small town, where the local sheriff is honest and heartily mustachioed, where the exhausted diner waitress complains of bunions and reminisces about high school, a developer is planning a huge water park that’s expected to rake in the dough. Of course, the development disturbs the old town square, which hides ancient oceanic secrets. It’s hackneyed on purpose—playwright Kelleen Conway Blanchard is drawn to pulp material, injecting it with funny grotesquery and ear-catching details. Take the opening scene, where the two lovers fight over infidelity. “You know I can’t help it,” whines the guy. He has a deep pain inside himself, “and that makes me want to be inside someone else.” She retorts with a list of regrets she has about their relationship:

I regret losing my daddy’s car keys somewhere inside that pay toilet where we had the threesome. I regret buying you that pound of amyl nitrate just so you could have very long sex with the girl we met under the overpass who didn’t have any fingers.

couple years ago, lit crawls seized the imagination of Seattle’s literary events planners. It started with the APRIL Festival, which led a few dozen lovers of literature around Capitol Hill bars and restaurants one cold March night. It was a lot of fun; Sarah Galvin read poetry to a hostile room of karaoke lovers, and Tara Atkinson read a story about Burger King while being pulled in a wagon from one venue to the next. More than fun, it was inspiring: literature leaving the formal constraints of a bookstore behind, forcing poetry into places where poetry was never discussed! Of course, copycats immediately emerged: One group hosted no less than five seasonal lit crawls in Greenwood, and San Francisco’s Litquake organization brought a huge multi-track crawl to Seattle. The idea marched from novel to cliché without any stops in between.

But this Thursday, Litquake is back with the second in a projected annual series of proper-noun Lit Crawls—find the full schedule at litcrawl.org/seattle/schedule—and though the idea doesn’t feel so much joyous as overstuffed, the copious talent attached to this one-night festival simply can’t be ignored. The evening starts at 6 p.m. with a first “phase” consisting of seven events running in venues around downtown and on Capitol Hill and First Hill, ranging from a discussion about comics to a spotlight on the exciting iPad magazine The Magazine to a panel of memoirists. The second phase is made up of six events including publisher previews from Dark Coast Press and Tin House, along with a presentation of music writing. Poets Karen Finneyfrock, Ed Skoog, Rebecca Hoogs, and the new Stranger Genius of literature, Maged Zaher, read in venues ranging from timeshare office spaces to wine bars. The third phase gives way to a big wrap party at Hugo House that is expected to stretch from 9 p.m. to midnight. It’s all been planned down to the last strangled second, but hopefully spontaneity will ooze in along the way; messiness and accidents are the ingredients that make events like this memorable.

With those details—the missing fingers, the pay toilet—Blanchard surprises and entertains you anew, even with a predictable plot. But for all its fun language, the show as a whole lacks cohesiveness and has a way of going off the rails. Action scenes get convoluted, characters’ motivations switch haphazardly, actors seem lethargic. It’s hard to figure out if anyone really gives a shit about saving the town—or even their hot diner-booth sex. Maybe director Pamala Mijatov just needed to give the production stronger guidance. While the sheriff (James Weidman) and the waitress (Tracy Leigh) seem a little sleepy, smaller characters pick up the slack. Meaghan Halverson as the innocent Winnie Smelter, an adorable pigtailed girl who carries a hissing tentacle around in a jar as a pet, nails her character’s cutesiness and then a reversal that is genuinely creepy. John McKenna as your standard pirate-voiced, washedup sailor-turned-cook spews a winning monologue about his seafaring days, full of “coral nipples” and a woman like a “much-ridden ship.” It’s these moments, where actors have the freedom to just let loose with strings of Blanchard’s perfectly deranged rambling, that make the show worth checking out.

For example: Mandy Price as Kimmi, a future water-park employee practicing her manic recitation of “dolphin fun facts!” that reveals her obsession with dolphin penises. It builds to a climax that includes an exuberantly shouted “Dolphins are full of slits!”

Which is a wonderful sentence, both to hear in a theater and, later, to recite to friends.

ANNA MINARD

Animal Cruelty

Printer’s Devil Theater/Theatre Off Jackson Through Nov 9

I

t can’t be easy to imbue a chicken-shaped piece of cardboard on a stick with a personality. Scot Augustson, the talent behind Sgt. Rigsby & His Amazing Silhouettes, doesn’t aim for “expressive” in his puppetry: Though Chicken Jenny is onstage for most of Animal Cruelty, she doesn’t move all that much, unless she’s being chased by another more-menacing-shaped hunk of cardboard on a stick. So most of the credit for Chicken Jenny’s liveliness goes to Stephen Hando, one of the four stellar voice actors sitting onstage during Animal Cruelty, reading their lines into microphones like an old-timey radio play. Hando’s Chicken Jenny acts like a Southern lady, but she’s really a world-weary dame with unmet wants and carnal needs who can’t shake her rotten past, no matter how hard she tries.

Noir parodies have been done to death, but when you find a rare noir-fueled comedy that works, it’s as delicious and welcome a surprise as finding a $20 bill in a $5 thriftstore jacket. Augustson and Hando’s Chicken Jenny makes the perfect central character for a down-and-dirty noir. Animal Cruelty ignores the obvious jokes—no hard-bitten private eyes here, no bad voice-overs—and instead delivers a story about a bunch of shady people (or animals) with questionable motivations bumping into each other in increasingly more desperate situations. Which means it’s a noir parody that actually respects and follows the conventions of the genre it’s mocking.

When we first meet Chicken Jenny, she’s trapped in an abusive relationship with a loser. She pursues an affair with the first halfway-decent man to come along (the human/chicken sex is depicted in as much hilariously graphic detail as a silhouette puppet show can possibly muster), and soon she’s on trial for murder. The story is peppered liberally with flashbacks that are portrayed on smaller screens to the side of the main stage, and singer Shawnmarie Stanton and bassist Kathie Whitehall provide musical interludes in the form of torch songs and snappy vacation-spot theme music for a seedy sex-tourist destination called Tipperando.

Every character Chicken Jenny meets in her escape from justice, including a defrocked-priest-turned-hobo and a lamb rent boy named Two Shakes, seems to have a corpse somewhere in the recent past. Everyone has a lot of sex. (“Behind that door,” someone explains in a flashback, “pleasure was being taken like a mussel sucked from its shell.”) Characters fall in love and then find themselves in dire trouble. (“Love ain’t nothin’ but a barbed-wire dress,” Chicken Jenny bitterly observes.) And in the middle of all the sex and murder, Augustson manages to squeeze in arson, a topless-mermaid variety show, a train wreck, an earnest discussion about whether the sound of a foghorn could be more accurately described as lonely or melancholy, and a whole bunch of anal sex jokes. Honestly, could you ask for anything more out of a night of theater? PAUL CONSTANT

The Daughter of the Regiment

Seattle Opera at McCaw Hall Through Nov 2

T his production of Gaetano Donizetti’s 1840 comedy The Daughter of the Regiment is a complete blast and the perfect way for Seattle Opera to open its 50th anniversary season. The leads, Lawrence Brownlee (and, for two performances only, Andrew Stenson) as Tonio and Sarah Coburn as Marie, are

alumni of the Seattle Young Artists program, which, since its beginning in l998, has become essential for finding, training, and encouraging the next generation of opera makers. If Seattle continues to help create artists of this caliber for the next 50 years, we’ll be the next Naples, Milan, New York. People and whatever will be rocketing in from Mars to see opera will come here.

The Daughter of the Regiment tells the story of Marie, an apparently orphaned tomboy who is found on a battlefield (this production is set in France in the l940s), gets raised by a regiment, falls in love with a civilian named Tonio, and is “adopted” against her will by a wealthy marquise (Joyce Castle, hilariously channeling a tweed-encased Margaret Thatcher) who wants to turn the tomboy into a “lady.” This being a comic opera, the lovers are brought together despite what’s trying to keep them apart, the proud are humbled, the chilly are warmed by love, and though the whole thing takes place during war, no one gets killed. As happens a lot in opera, there’s play with class: The rich folks’ homes are built on lies; the not-rich folks both serve and parody the pretensions of the rich. There’s also play with gender roles: The girl is

ELISE BAKKETUN

THE DAUGHTER OF THE REGIMENT Nobody dies! Hooray!

scrappy, foul-mouthed, and hot; the boy is tender, sweet, and short and, at one point, wears minor nurse drag (a hat with a red cross).

Full drag is saved for the final scene when Seattle Opera stalwart Peter Kazaras (a very large, usually bearded man who has sung such sturdy tenor roles as Loge in Das Rhinegold and Herod in Salome) plays the Duchess of Krakenthorp. Kazaras doesn’t mince or resort to any cheap affect of “femaleness.” He plays the role, well, straight as a kind of in-her-mind-formidable-but-actually-downat-the-heel Lady Bracknell. The upper-class action is shadowed by a silent but guffawinducing Robert Mead as a servant with a wonderfully Chaplin-esque plasticity of body.

In fact, take your binoculars. Emilio Sagi’s direction is full of perfect, smart visuals, and you’ll want to catch the details: Brownlee’s face as he listens, Coburn’s pseudo-smile for her ridiculously pompous “Aunt” Berkenfield, Stenson’s comic-book-wide frightened eyes— and on the serious side, the chiaroscuro of the painting-still soldiers at a bar, contemplating the loss of their much-loved daughter.

The Sunday I attended was “family day,” a new Seattle Opera program designed to introduce kids, with their parents, to opera. The kids around me giggled at the funny parts and didn’t shuffle around in the sad parts. With the Young Artists Program helping create the future of opera, these young audience members are helping create the next generation of opera fans. Seattle Opera is getting it right in so many ways. REBECCA BROWN

ART

Museums

SEATTLE ART MUSEUM

Peru: Kingdoms of the Sun and Moon: The museum turns its focus southward to Peru this season, with a great big sparkling exhibition of rarely seen sculpture, painting, and textiles surveying 3,000 years of patrimony, from the Incas to the viceroys and the saints. $20. Wed-Sun. Through Jan 5. 1300 First Ave, 625-8900.

Gallery

Openings

PHOTOGRAPHIC

CENTER NORTHWEST

Holly Andres: The Homecoming: Tableaux photography that portrays an eerie heightened suburban reality. Free. Reception Thurs Nov 8, 6-8 pm. Oct 24-Dec 15. 900 12th Ave 720-7222.

PROGRAPHICA

RUMI KOSHINO

Koshino has been a great part of Seattle’s art scene since she moved here a few years back to attend the University of Washington. Now, she’s moving to California (boo!), and this one-night farewell party is also a retrospective show inviting people to elaborate on one of her works. Vignettes, El Capitan Apartments, 1617 Yale Ave. Free. Thurs Oct 24 at 7 pm.

SAM REMIX

A big museum party. With a live trumpet performance, a DJ, all sorts of other activities, and plenty of Peruvian gold and Catholicism. Seattle Art Museum, 1300 First Ave, 6258900. www.seattleartmuseum. org. $12-$25. Fri Oct 25 at 8 pm-midnight.

SEA-CAT

Sea-Cat, which stands for Seattle Catalogue, is a collective title for local artists Gretchen Bennett, Wynne Greenwood, and Matthew Offenbacher. These three people will be presenting a program they call

Disaster shows “how connected natural disasters from earthquakes and volcanoes to torrential floods are.” Town Hall 1119 Eighth Ave, 624-6600. www.townhallseattle.org. $5. 7:30 pm.

Sat 10/26

DIANA LANHAM Promotional materials for The House of Aegea promise sex, violence, and mermaids. Third Place Books 17171 Bothell Way NE, 366-3333. thirdplacebooks.com. Free. 6:30 pm.

JEAN-CHRISTOPHE VALTAT Luminous Chaos is the second novel in a series that began with Aurorarama Elliott Bay Book Company, 1521 10th Ave, 6246600. www.elliottbaybook.com. Free. 7:30 pm.

Mon 10/28

attitude, and fearlessness you might imagine from Mabley herself. ‘Moms ain’t dead yet!’ she hollers at us from the stage— and, for a few moments, it’s easy to believe her.” (Brendan Kiley) Langston Hughes Performing Arts Center , 104 17th Ave S, 684-4758. langstoninstitute.org. $10-$20. Thurs-Fri at 7 pm, Sat-Sun at 2 and 7 pm. Through Oct 26. IAN BELL’S BROWN DERBY SERIES: FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH

Three Photographers: Ellen Garvens, Caroline Kapp, Graham Shutt: “The common thread between these three artists is that they start with the camera.” Free. Reception Sat Oct 26, 2-4 pm. Wed-Sat. Through Nov 30. 3419 E Denny Way 322-3851.

WINSTON WACHTER

FINE ART

Tracy Rocca, Christopher Boffoli: Rocca’s super-blurry airbrushish paintings occasionally evoke out-of-focus landscapes, but more often are completely nonrepresentational color studies. This show opens precisely a year after Rocca lost paintings to Hurricane Sandy. Boffoli’s photography depicts the tiniest of tiny people walking and bicycling and running around doing things on pieces of food. Free. Reception Tues Oct 29, 6–8 pm. Mon-Sat. Through Dec 20. 203 Dexter Ave N, 652-5855.

Continuing Exhibitions

JAMES HARRIS GALLERY

Roy Dowell : Painting, sculpture, collage, all patterned with glyphic flatness. Am I Not a Man and a Brother? Am I Not a Woman and a Sister?: A small show of photo work by African artists who turn the camera on themselves, using costumes, props, and projections to express ideas of cultural and personal identity. Free. Wed-Sat. Through Nov 27. 604 Second Ave, 903-6220.

PATRICIA CAMERON

GALLERY

Tatiana Garmendia : Intimate, delicate, and erotic mixed media drawings in two- and three-dimensional forms. Free. Mon-Fri. Through Dec 20. 234 Dexter Ave N 343-9647.

PLATFORM GALLERY

Ross Sawyers : See review, page 30. Free. Wed-Sat. Through Nov 30. 114 Third Ave S, 323-2808.

WRIGHT EXHIBITION

SPACE

9 from L.A.: This winter, it’s L.A. in Seattle at the Wright Space. Virginia Wright, in conjunction with the Getty Conservation Institute, has brought together works from her collections, Seattle Art Museum’s, and loans that include works by postwar L.A. artists including Larry Bell, Ed Ruscha, Robert Irwin, John McCracken, Peter Alexander, and De Wain Valentine.

Highlighted is Valentine’s Gray Column, which is exactly what it claims to be: 12 feet tall and 8 feet wide of grey polyester resin. It’s like the monolith from 2001, but a bit more squarish and tapered at the top. We, the audience, will play the part of the apes, as we gather around it to receive its eternal, cosmic, Seattle-colored wisdom. Free. Thurs-Sat. Through April 25. 407 Dexter Ave N 264-8200.

Events

LUCÍA SANROMÁN

Sanromán is an independent curator currently working at UCSD. She will be giving a talk about what she does. Henry Art Gallery , 4100 15th Ave NE, 543-2280. www.henryart. org. $10 suggested. Thurs Oct 24 at 7 pm.

“The Title Becomes a Decorative Border.” School of Art, University of Washington 4000 15th Ave NE, 543-0970. Free. Wed Oct 23 at 6:30 pm. visualart@thestranger.com

READINGS

Wed 10/23

JOHN FREEMAN Freeman’s How to Read a Novelist is a collection of smart profiles and essays about writers and literature. Elliott Bay Book Company 1521 10th Ave, 6246600. www.elliottbaybook.com. Free. 7 pm.

MOVABLE TYPE

See Stranger Suggests, page 27. Vermillion, 1508 11th Ave, 709-9797. www.vermillionseattle.com. Free. 7 pm.

Thurs 10/24

JO BAKER

This is a tea party to celebrate the new novel Longbourn, which tells the story of Pride and Prejudice from the perspective of the servants. Queen Anne Book Company, 1811 Queen Anne Ave N, 284-2427. Free. 2 pm. LIT CRAWL See Stranger Suggests, page 27. Various locations. www. storefrontsseattle.wordpress. com. 6 pm.

MARK HELPRIN The beloved Winter’s Tale author returns with In Sunlight and in Shadow , which is a book haunted by a glimpse of a beautiful young woman in 1946. Town Hall 1119 Eighth Ave, 652-4255. www.townhallseattle. org. $5. 7:30 pm.

Fri 10/25

DONNA TARTT

Tartt’s debut novel, The Secret History is a great, twisted literary thriller about students who attend an exclusive school that was reportedly based on Vermont’s Bennington College. Her third book is titled The Goldfinch Central Library , 1000 Fourth Ave, 386-4636. Free. 7 pm.

EARL LOVELACE

The Trinidadian author reads from his new novel, Is Just a Movie which Junot Diaz says “takes us on a wild loving, absurdist journey to the heart of a contemporary Trinidad.” University Book Store, 4326 University Way NE, 634-3400. www.bookstore.washington.edu. Free. 7 pm.

KARL OVE KNAUSGAARD

Norwegian author Knausgaard’s memoir, My Struggle received adoring reviews and plenty of attention from small press fanatics. Now, he’s bringing the newly translated sequel, A Man in Love: My Struggle 2, to Seattle for a very special debut reading. It’s not every day you get a chance to meet an author who people are eagerly comparing to Proust. Elliott Bay Book Company 1521 10th Ave, 6246600. www.elliottbaybook.com. Free. 7 pm.

SUSAN W. KIEFFER Kieffer is a MacArthur “Genius.” Her book The Dynamics of

JOHN CURRENCE Here is a real sentence in promotional copy for this event supporting the release of the book Pickles, Pigs & Whiskey: “Chef John Currence would rather punch you in the mouth with his fantastic flavors than poke you in the eye with fancy presentation.” The Book Larder, 4252 Fremont Ave N, 397-4271. www.booklarder. com. Free. 6:30 pm.

ALEX PRUD’HOMME Prud’homme is the coauthor of Julia Child’s memoir My Life in France. How does one get from there to a new book titled Hydrofracking: What Everyone Needs to Know? That seems like an interesting question for the Q&A part of the night. Town Hall, 1119 Eighth Ave, 652-4255. www.townhallseattle. org. $5. 7:30 pm.

Tues 10/29

DAIVD LASKIN

The Family: Three Journeys into the Heart of the Twentieth Century is the story of Laskin’s family in the 20th century. Jewish Family Service 1601 16th Ave, 624-6600. Free. 7 pm.

HELEN FIELDING Fielding goes back to the trough one too many times with Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy Town Hall, 1119 Eighth Ave, 634-3400. www.townhallseattle.org. Free. 7:30 pm.

WILLIAM TODD SCHULTZ

The author of Torment Saint: The Life of Elliott Smith talks with Mark Baumgarten, the new editor in chief of the Seattle Weekly Town Hall, 1119 Eighth Ave, 652-4255. www.townhallseattle. org. $5. 7:30 pm.

readings@thestranger.com

THEATER

Opening and Current Runs

ANIMAL CRUELTY

See review, page 33. Printer’s Devil at Theatre Off Jackson 409 Seventh Ave S, 340-1049. printersdevil.org. $15-$18. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm. Through Nov 9. THE DAUGHTER OF THE REGIMENT

See review, page 33. Seattle Opera at McCaw Hall , 321 Mercer St, 389-7676. seattleopera.org. $15-$177. Wed at 7:30 pm, Fri-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through Nov 2. FLAME IN THE MIRROR

A drama about the challenges of being an Irish immigrant at the turn of the 20th century by local playwright John Ruoff. Eclectic Theater, 1214 10th Ave, 6793271. eclectictheatercompany. org. $12-$25. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through Nov 3. HELLO DARLIN’S: MOM’S GOT SOMETHING TO TELL YOU!

“Jackie ‘Moms’ Mabley is a keystone of American comedy—an African-American woman who came out of the closet in the 1920s, was telling jokes about dangerous subjects back when Bing Crosby was America’s idea of a good time, and influenced everyone from Richard Pryor to Sarah Silverman. In Hello, Darlins!, a world-premiere solo show, Josephine Howell plays Mabley with the sauciness,

Another in Ian Bell’s longrunning habit of mauling movie scripts for comic effect. This attack on the classic slasher movie stars Andrew Tasakos as the last surviving counselor, Cory Nealy as “the joker,” Freddy Molitch as “a bad girl with the nice rack,” Jason Sharp as a young Kevin Bacon, and many more. Re-bar , 1114 Howell St, 233-9873. rebarseattle. com. $17. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm. Through Oct 26. MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING One of the first rom-coms, this one starring Jennifer Lee Taylor and Matt Shimkus and directed by George Mount. Seattle Shakespeare Company at Center Theatre, Seattle Center Armory, 684-7200. seattleshakespeare.org. $22-$45. Tues-Sun at 7:30 pm. Through Nov 17. THE UNDERNEATH See review, page 32. Annex Theatre , 1100 E Pike St, 728-0933. annextheatre.org. $5-$20. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm. Through Nov 16.

THE WALWORTH FARCE “A high-strung, gothic Irish comedy by Enda Walsh about a shut-in father (Peter Crook, whose performance has bipolar glints of mad glee and deep despair) who keeps his two adult sons (Darragh Kennan and Peter Dylan O’Connor) hostage in their London apartment. Each day, he forces them to re-perform a perverse play about why the family had to flee from Ireland and how the father is definitely not responsible for the death of his brother on a kitchen floor back in Cork. That’s the gallowscomedy premise, but things get even worse when someone knocks at the three mad men’s front door and interrupts their daily ritual.” (Brendan Kiley) New City Theater, 1404 18th Ave. wearenctc.org. $27-$30. ThursSun at 8 pm. Through Oct 27. THE WITCHING HOUR STARRING JOEY ARIAS

“The impression a Joey Arias performance leaves on your psyche is like the impression the sun makes on your eyeballs— blink all you want, it’s never going away. He crackles with dark electricity and sings like Billie Holiday and radiates enigmatic sexuality. Basically, it’s like he and Klaus Nomi were best friends and collaborators and lived together, which they were and did.” (Christopher Frizzelle) Teatro ZinZanni, 222 Mercer St, 802-0015. dreams.zinzanni. org. $25-$35. Sat Oct 28 at 10:30 pm.

Dance THE DRACULA SHOW Dracula gets the Nutcracker treatment in this touring balletization inspired by Bram Stoker with music by Astor Piazzolla, George Enescu, and Charles Gounod. International Ballet Theatre at Meydenbauer Center 11100 NE Sixth St, Bellevue, 425-637-1020. brownpapertickets.com. $25$40. Fri-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through Oct 27. EXIT/EXIST

South African choreographer Greogry Maqoma, who founded his company while studying with Anne Teresa de Keersmaeker, has created a piece about his ancestor, the 19th-century Xhosa chief Jongum-sobomvu Maqoma, who waged guerilla warfare against British colonizers after they claimed his father’s land. Featuring live music by Italian guitarist Giuliano Modarelli and four singers. On the Boards , 100 W Roy St, 217-9888. ontheoboards.org. $12-$25. Thurs-Sun at 8 pm. Through Oct 27.

theater@thestranger.com

WORN OUT

MARTI JONJAK

HALLOWEEN WEAR, A HANDY WHERE-TO GUIDE

Halloween is almost here, and the holiday’s finest house parties bring the right blend of recreational drugs, candy corn, inappropriately intimate conversations in a stranger’s kitchen, and, most importantly, the visual splendor of costumes flung hastily together from combinations of trash, nudity, and other low-budget items For those who prefer to wear clothes and need shopping direction, Sodo’s pay-perpound Goodwill Outlet offers frowsty piles and unbeatable savings. Red Light and Value Village are also popular choices, but go now before the stores are teeming. If you’ve got at least $50 to spare, head to Roosevelt’s Vintage Costumers—a rental store that’s been in business for 35 years and rests in a converted three-story house embedded with creaky wood and residual cigarette smoke.

Vintage Costumers’ garment racks are everywhere and crammed real tight, so use the binders with images of lightly run-down and stunned-looking mannequins wearing apparel categorized by decade. The 1970sera looks are heavy on sparkle, with wet-looking synthetics and assorted Frederick’s of Hollywood gowns. Tux-wise, they’ve got pastel-orange, mintgreen, and powder-blue versions, paired with ruffle-front shirts. Renaissance-inspired getups feature tights, pumpkin shorts, and lego’-mutton sleeves the size of a damned watermelon. Or you can wear an authentic 1920s-era raccoonfur coat. Or be a slutty Roman-era slave boy in a skimpy white micro-tunic. Or pick the priest, bishop, or nun vestments, and showcase your unshakable faith in God’s infinite wisdom.

On to the next store. Occupying a stark warehouse in Lower Queen Anne, Greg Thompson Productions develops and builds glitzy stage shows for cabarets, casino revues, cruise ships, and the like. They produce the costumes, too, and though they’re not usually open to the public, they recently hosted a sale that would’ve been perfect if your Halloween-wear aspirations put you in the market for used G-string leotards, tear-away denim slacks flanked with leather-fringed concho medallions, or filmy peignoirs trimmed in ostrich feathers. (Perhaps you’re going as a casually-sexed-out time-traveling country-line-dance aerobics instructor and pajama-party hobbyist.) If you missed this event, watch for it next year. Bin rummaging produced some seemingly valueless items, such as fabric remnants and worn-out balconette bras. But there was also a spangled jockstrap, a Vegasshowgirl headpiece in the shape of a giant fucking pretzel, and—resembling an art sculpture—an arrangement of preowned wigs that hung in forlorn mounds from a vertical plywood panel.

Send fashion tips to marti@thestranger.com

10/29

The Life of Elliott Smith William

(10/24) LitCrawl: Ivan Doig with Mary Ann Gwinn

(10/24) Mark Helprin ‘In Sunlight and in Shadow’ (10/25) Susan Kieffer The Dynamics of Disaster

(10/25) LUCO: Britten & Brahms

(10/26) Earshot Jazz Festival The Patricia Barber Trio

(10/27) Seattle Festival Orchestra Brahms’ ‘Violin Concerto’ with Felicity James

(10/27) Seattle Radio Theatre Halloween

(10/28) Reclaiming Prosperity Living Wage Ordinances

(10/28) Alex Prud’homme What Everyone Needs to Know about Hydrofracking

(10/29) University Book Store Helen Fielding

(10/30) ACLU Hospital Mergers and Religious Restrictions on Health Care

(10/30) Darrin McMahon The Concept of ‘Genius’ Throughout History

Captain Blacks is a bar with two decks, a slight nautical theme, and fried chicken and waffles. The po’ boys and sliders are also quite good. Most of the food here glistens: beerbattered onion rings, deep-fried Beecher’s cheese curds. The namesake is a pipe tobacco; the

CHOW

perfect swirl of cinnamon frosting. Because vegan bakers often replace butter with flavorless shortening, frostings can feel heavy and greasy and taste flat. But Violet Sweet Shoppe’s frosting isn’t at all greasy—it’s fluffy, even. I tasted it over and over, melting tiny bites against my tongue, trying to figure out how it got to be so light and smooth without butter.

I talked to baker Crystal Rice, who runs the shop with her husband, Michael Chinn. They moved to Seattle a couple of years ago after running a bakery in San Francisco, and they’re both incredibly friendly and incredibly tattooed, and usually listening to pretty great music in Violet’s small kitchen (Billy Idol, the

I brought a box of Violet’s baked goods to an editorial meeting. I was sure someone would take a bite and scream, “THESE ARE VEGAN!”

Cure, etc.). She said their frosting is a simple mixture of vegan margarine, shortening, and powdered sugar, mixed and mixed until airy in a 300-pound industrial mixer. No wonder I can’t achieve that texture at home.

Violet Sweet Shoppe’s Secret

Trick AND Treat: No One Can Believe It’s Not Butter BY

MEGAN SELING

Ivividly remember the first time I brought homemade cupcakes to the office. They were vanilla, filled with homemade caramelized pineapple compote (with lots of butter

and brown sugar), and topped with maraschino cherry buttercream. I was nervous. Would people like them?

Cienna Madrid bit into one and cried out, through a mouthful of cake, “Oh my god, you can taste the butter!”

I felt so accomplished! As a baker, I want people to taste each element of whatever I make. Cupcakes shouldn’t taste like buttercreamtopped sugar bombs, they should have layers of flavors—pineapple, cherry, brown sugar, egg, vanilla, salt, and, of course, butter.

Butter—obviously delicious, and celebrated at borderline obnoxious levels—is a crucial part of the science behind many different pastries. Because it’s about 80 percent fat to 20 percent water (many butter replacements like shortening are 100 percent fat), baking with butter can put fat into a pastry without making it too greasy. And how integral is fat in baking?

shortbread made at Violet Sweet Shoppe, a very small, very adorable bakery in the University District that has been open since May.

The golden cookies, flavored with things like lemon, vanilla bean, rose water, lavender, and pistachio (my favorite), are perfectly crispy and some of the best shortbread cookies I’ve ever had. They’re not too dry, not too sandy— they’re just right.

Violet Sweet Shoppe 3612 NE 45th St, 523-3711 violetsweetshoppe.com

Very. Have you ever had a low-fat cookie or piecrust? They’re generally textural nightmares. Blech. Butter is the best!

You can really taste the butter in the

The thing is, there is no butter in Violet Sweet Shoppe’s shortbread. Everything in the store is vegan, totally free of dairy and eggs. (They’re right next door to Bill the Butcher.)

Violet’s snickerdoodle cookies are textural marvels, too—and I really, really love snickerdoodles. I’m kind of a snickerdoodle snob, in fact. The best snickerdoodles, made with generous portions of both eggs and cinnamon, taste like rice custard in cookie form. The cookies should be flat, with crispy outsides and tender insides, not at all cakey, and that’s just how Violet’s snickerdoodles are! But they’re egg-free? HOW DO THEY DO IT?

I tried a pumpkin cupcake, too, topped with a

I brought a box full of Violet’s baked goods to a recent editorial meeting, telling no one they were vegan (their to-go boxes allow for such deception, too, saying only “Violet Sweet Shoppe” on the front, and everything they make is just gorgeous—no lumpy, hippielooking stuff here). The assortment included a few flavors of shortbread, a mini pumpkin bundt cake with cinnamon frosting, a brownsugar scone, a couple chocolate peanut-butter cups, and a few other treats.

I was sure someone would take a bite and scream out, “THESE ARE VEGAN!” ruining the entire experiment. But no one did.

The mini pumpkin bundt cake was the biggest hit—Dominic Holden went back for seconds, and Paul Constant said, “It was just about the perfect moistness for me, and the cream-cheese frosting was an awesome kick at the end.”

The peanut-butter cups—the richest, most decadent peanut-butter cup I’ve ever eaten— went quickly, too. “The flavors don’t merge together the way they do with peanut-butter cups made with inferior ingredients. I could taste every component in every bite,” noted Paul.

The only complaint about the shortbread was that both the vanilla and lemon could’ve had stronger flavors (I agree—more lemon, please!), but the lavender was a hit. Emily Nokes, a vegan baker herself, declared it “Super!” She couldn’t tell it was vegan.

No one complained about the texture of the pastries; vegan baking has a bad reputation because of its problem with texture. Cakes can be heavy and dry, cookies can be as hard as wood. But Cienna said, after praising the pumpkin hazelnut muffin for being wonderfully nutty and not too sweet, “I think that place has cornered the market on perfect pastry texture.”

“What would you say if I told you it was vegan?” I asked.

“Holy shit—they were outstanding. I never would’ve expected that.”

Comment on vegan baked goods at THESTRANGER.COM/CHOW

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HOT CAKES • Ballard: Autumn Martin, former Canlis pastry chef and Theo head chocolatier (and fourth generation Washingtonian), makes all-organic desserts from carefully sourced, local ingredients. The Ballard shop— a hybrid soda fountain/dessert cafe—features classic desserts (bread pudding, crème brûlee, salted butter toffee) and original treats, plus boozy milkshakes and cocktails. Eat them immediately, or take-and-bake their most popular item, a molten chocolate cake in a fourounce mason jar. (5427 Ballard Ave NW, 420-3431, getyourhotcakes.com, $)

HOT MAMA’S PIZZA • Capitol Hill: When you’re looking for the kind of slice that was made to be folded in half—the kind that drips a little grease down your arm—Hot Mama’s is the place. The corner space is tiny, so it can get crammed, and beware of the long line on popular drinking nights (though said line is a great spot for random conversations with strangers). Regarding Hot Mama’s delivery: It can take more than an hour for a pie to show up on weekend nights, so if you’re looking for instant gratification (stoner), phone your order in and then pick it up yourself. (700 E Pine St, 322-6444, hot-mamaspizza.com, $)

HOW TO COOK A WOLF • Queen Anne: How to Etc. is the Upper Queen Anne branch of Ethan Stowell’s lauded upscale Italianate restaurant empire. The name is the title of an M.F.K. Fisher book, and the place is smaller and more intimate than Stowell’s others, and the rustic cuisine is local/seasonal/delicious. (2208 Queen Anne Ave, 838-8090, $$–$$$)

HUE KY MI GIA • International District: This Vietnamese-run “Chinese noodle” diner is extremely yummy, clean, and cheap—a giant plate of noodles (egg, rice, chow mein, chow fun, etc.) with your choice of meat and still-crunchy veggies will run you about $7. The braised duckling egg noodle with bok choi, mushroom, and little bits of crackly pig fat—served either as soup or dry—is extra great. Kids are more than welcome and are entranced by the shiny goldfish in the aquarium. (1207 S Jackson St, Suite 101, 568-1268, $)

ICEBOX GROCERY • Queen Anne: The Icebox is a reportedly charming grocery/cafe owned by Brigid McVeigh and Linda Hegg, who used to own the Dish in Ballard. (1903 10th Ave W, 708-6742, iceboxgrocery. com, $)

IL BISTRO • Pike Place Market: At Il Bistro, hidden under Pike Place Market, the old-fashionedness is marvelous—the ceilings are low, the arches are original, the bar is marble, and the roses are red. The bar at Il Bistro is famous, and rightfully so; it’s a bartenders’ bar—witness the 30-plus kinds of Scotch lined up tantalizingly all along it. And now the bartenders’ bartender, Murray Stenson, is back after a long absence, mixing stellar

Murray Stenson is back at Il Bistro on Sundays and Mondays!

drinks on Sundays and Mondays. The lighting at the bar is perfect—not too bright, not too dim, bathing everyone in a 62-percent-more-attractive pinky-gold. The rest of Il Bistro is also low-lit and romantic, but the Italian food is only passable (and notably pricey). It’s the bar that’s great. (93-A Pike St, 682-3049, ilbistro.net, $$$)

IL CORVO • Pioneer Square: Il Corvo, which means “the crow,” is a place for handmade pasta lunches brought to you by Mike Easton, the former chef of Lecosho (and also the former owner of Bizzarro in Wallingford). Easton makes his pasta with vintage hand-cranked machines, tops it with made-to-order sauces, and serves it to you for under $10 per plate. It’s really, really good. Also, completely decent wines by the glass for as little as $4 each, and yay for that! Formerly located on the Pike Street Hillclimb near the Zig Zag, Il Corvo moved to a slightly less tiny spot in Pioneer Square in the beginning of 2013. (217 James St, 538-0999, ilcorvopasta. wordpress.com, $–$$)

IN THE BOWL • Capitol Hill: In the Bowl is a tiny, no-frills diner with a vast, completely vegetarian menu that’s a linguistic delight, with courses identified as “Episodes”—drinks are “Beverages Episode,” side dishes are “Accompany Buddies Episode,” curries are “Curry Episode” (yikes). To make decisions even harder, dishes can be ordered with four different veggie protein constructs (e.g., fried tofu, fake duck) and four different kinds of noodles. Especially popular: an appetizer called Melting Culture, served with grill-crisped, savory roti rice flour bread that may make you cry (with joy!). Noodle and curry dishes have un-overcooked veggies, and two stars gets you significant heat; soups are good, too. Prices aren’t quite as low as the surroundings might merit, but vegetarians (and some normal people) really love In the Bowl. (1554 E Olive Way, 568-2343, inthebowlbistro. com, $–$$)

INAY’S ASIAN PACIFIC RESTAURANT • Beacon Hill: Inay’s on Beacon Hill—one block away from the

Sound Transit depot, across the street from the Shell station famous for its fried catfish—is one of the city’s most magical outposts of awesomeness. The lighting’s bright, the staff is smiley, and the Filipino food is very cheap, very tasty, and very home-style. (It’s like mama used to make, literally: The recipes come from the owner’s dear departed mother, and inay means “mother” in Tagalog.) Try the peppery pancit, glass noodles with chicken, sausage, and veggies; tilapia in a spicy coconut milk, jalapeño, and ginger broth; and/or tender pork adobo. Also try to come on Friday night—call ahead!—for the amazing one-person drag show. You will not regret it. (2503 Beacon Ave S, 325-5692, $)

THE INDEPENDENT PIZZERIA • Madison Park: The Independent Pizzeria has a rotary phone (brrringgg!), a glowing old stereo receiver, jelly-jar glasses, and thriftstore dishware, but this makes it sound kitschy, and it’s not. The building is a lovely 1957 modernist oddity, and the walls are practically all windows; the triangular room, with its tiny bar and itty-bitty open kitchen, is full of lightness and air. Outside, Madison Park people walk fluffy dogs, while inside, you’ve got a view of the lake, wholly decent wine for $4 to $7 a glass, and very good, not-horribly-expensive pizza. The pie is slightly thicker than Neapolitan style, holding up to more cheese and high-quality toppings (Mama Lil’s peppers, Fra’ Mani Italian sausage), and yay for that. It’s got big, beautiful, blackened bubbles along the edge. Service can be a little lackadaisical, but the pizza comes to the table bubbling hot, even if the chef has to bring it out himself. The Independent is pretty great. (4235 E Madison St, 860-6110, theindiepizzeria.com, $–$$)

THE INNKEEPER • Belltown: The Innkeeper stands one block down First Avenue and across an aesthetic divide from the owners’ first bar and restaurant, Black Bottle. (The Innkeeper is where Marco’s Supperclub used to be.) Black Bottle is a fashionable gastropub; the Innkeeper is a low-key, friendly bar with good, simple Latin American food—a thing that Belltown needed, even though it didn’t know it. The queso fresco, toasted brown on the grill and served in a pool of tart, spicy, smoky, tomatillo salsa, is an arguably perfect snack—especially with the tortilla chips, made to order, delivered greaseless, wellsalted, still hot, and cheap. The Innkeeper’s hospitality is available from three in the afternoon until two in the morning every day. You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here. They should really get some cots. (2510 First Ave, 441-7817, innkeeperseattle.com, $–$$)

INÈS PATISSERIE • Madison Valley: Inès Patisserie’s owner/baker, Nohra Belaid, is from Charleville-Mézières, France—birthplace of Arthur Rimbaud and home to a marionette festival. The shop is named after her daughter. Here you will find authentic, excellent sweet and savory French pastries, with croissants that aren’t overinflated for American eyeballs and stomachs. (2900-B Madison St, 915-7379, $)

ITALIAN FAMILY PIZZA • Downtown: Seattle’s got a lot of fancied-up thin-crust pizza places, and a lot of them are really good. But if you want truly great pizza pie without having to wait an eternity for a table, without being surrounded by people who use the word “foodie,” and without emptying the contents of your wallet, just go to Italian Family Pizza downtown. It’s got cinderblock walls, red-and-white-checkered tablecloths, and a large pie for $22 that is way, way, WAY too big for two people to eat. Bonus: The actual Italian family that runs it is super-friendly in that inimitable East Coast way, and actual East Coasters endorse the pizza here wholeheartedly. (It’s run by one of the Calozzis, though it is legally separate from the two local Philly cheesesteak places of the same name—the two brothers split.) (1206 First Ave, 538-0040, facebook.com/pages/Italian-FamilyPizza/219510294841158, $)

IVAR’S SALMON HOUSE • North Lake Union: Out front, a walk-up fish-’n’-chips-’n’-chowder bar faces Northlake Way. Inside, Ivar’s Salmon House is a beautiful cedar replica of a Pacific Northwest longhouse, decorated with native artifacts. The bar, the Whalemaker Lounge, has a sparkly water view and a big lakeside deck, and it does in fact contain whalemakers: two preserved Orca phalli, which Ivar is said to have acquired from the Hells Angels of Alaska. (There’s also a pretty damn good happy hour that you can kayak up to in the summertime.) Ivar’s doesn’t make the best seafood in the city—not by a long shot—but it’s a Northwest icon. Stop by, have a drink, touch a whalemaker, and look around. (401 NE Northlake Way, 632-0767, ivars.net, $$)

IZUMI • Kirkland: Stranger commenter mt allen says, “Most likely the best Japanese comfort food outside of Maneki,” and commenter Reg says, “This is where we take Japanese executives who are tired of eating steak and want some comfort food,” and, furthermore, commenter laterite says, “Izumi is the shiznit.” (12539 116th Ave NE, Kirkland, 425-821-1959, izumikirkland.com, $$)

CHOW EVENTS

Wed 10/23

MUSTACHE

WEDNESDAYS

Have a mustache on your face (real, fake, or drawn, just “No Hitler mustaches”) and get $1 off everything at the Canterbury on Wednesdays (before it closes down sometime later this year, SIGH). Canterbury Ale and Eats, 534 15th Ave E, 322-3130.

COOKING WITH JIM DROHMAN

great, and they’re making a local/organic/seasonal/ etc. vegetarian dinner at a time when local vegetables are fucking outstanding, so do with this information what you will. The Corson Building , 5609 Corson Ave S, 762-3330. thecorsonbuilding.com. $40.

SQUEEZE OUT HUNGER

the night. Bring a game to share or borrow from Raygun’s collection. It is FUN. The Raygun Lounge , 501 E Pine St. gammaraygamestore.com. No cover. 5 pm.

PELLEGRINI AWARDS DINNER

their new wood-fired oven. Green Plate Special Community Garden , 2115 25th Ave S, 3107393. greenplatespecial. org. FREE.

SIX-DOLLAR SUNDAYS On the last Sunday of every month, everything on Tini Bigs’ regular food menu is only $6 from 4 to 10 p.m., which will help cushion the martinis you’ll have more money for. Tini Bigs Lounge, 100 Denny Way, 284-0931. tinibigs.com.

Join chef Jim Drohman (Le Pichet, Cafe Presse) for a class on French kitchen basics (which means learning how to make his excellent roasted chicken! And chocolate mousse! And more!). Jim Drohman is great, and we should all be lucky enough to learn to cook a thing from him, plus dinner and wine are included. Chouette! The Kitchen at Mallet, 2700 Fourth Ave S, Suite C. jimdrohman.com. $125. 6:309:30 pm.

Wed 10/23–

Thurs 10/24

SEATTLE RESTAURANT WEEK

It’s a two-week “week” that comes twice a year: Sunday through Thursday, 150-plus restaurants offer set-menu, three-course dinners for $28 (and some $15 lunches). How much do you save? Depends, but generally, it’s like getting dessert free (and not getting to choose from the whole menu). If you go, tip well—these things are hell for servers. Various locations. seattletimes.com/ seattlerestaurantweek. Through Oct 24.

Thurs 10/24

VEGETARIAN DI NNER AT THE CORSON BUILDING

The Corson Building is

It’s a terribly named “fun evening of juicing and entertainment” benefitting Northwest Harvest, which provides more than 1.7 million meals a month to hungry families across Washington, so, starred. Note: You can just straight-up donate at the website. Melrose Market Studio , 1501 Melrose Ave. northwestharvest.org. $50-$75. 7-11 pm.

WHIP, BEAT, AND FRY HUNGER

At this benefit for Northwest Harvest (see above re: name/star) at Blue Ribbon Cooking School, you can take four mini–cooking classes, then eat the fruits of your labor. (Or, again, just make a donation to this very worthy cause online.) Blue Ribbon Cooking School, 2501 Fairview Ave E, 3282442. northwestharvest. org. $125. 7 pm.

Fri 10/25

SLOG NERD

HAPPY HOUR

On the last Friday of every month, the Stranger Testing Department (aka the STD, aka Paul Hughes, Rob Lightner, and Mary Traverse, and sometimes special guests!) takes over the Raygun Lounge for beer-and-board/cardgame goodness, starting at 5 p.m. and on into

Celebrate the good life in the spirit of the late Pacific Northwest food great Angelo M. Pellegrini at this annual dinner—prepared this year by Armandino Batali of the legendary Salumi and Roy Breiman of Copperleaf Restaurant—and find out who wins the Foundation’s highest honor. The Canal, 5300 34th Ave NW. pellegrinifoundation.org. $150. 6:30 pm.

Sat 10/26

UMAMI KUSHI Yakitori catering company Umami Kushi brings their traditional Japanese yatai (street food) “at its most basic and best” to the excellent little sake shop Sake Nomi, meaning “fantastic premium Japanese sake and microbrews to compliment the skewers.” Sake Nomi , 76 S Washington St, 4677253. sakenomi.us. Yakitori $2-$3. 8 pm-midnight.

Sun 10/27

GREEN PLATE SPECIAL GARDEN GALA

Green Plate Special is the great after-school/field-trip/ camp program that gets low-income Seattle students into growing food and cooking. This evening, celebrate the opening of their new teaching-garden in Rainier Valley, with free food provided by the Ruins featuring GPS’s produce, plus flatbread made in

Mon 10/28

BENEVENTO POP-UP

Chef William Belickis returns to the cuisine of his ancestors—from the city of Benevento, near Naples in southern Italy, also the birthplace of the grammarian Lucius Orbilius Pupillus (114 BC–c. 14 BC)—with a four-course menu with optional wine pairings. Mistral Kitchen , 2020 Westlake Ave, 623-1922. mistral-kitchen.com. $50 (wine pairings $30).

CALAMITY JANE’S BINGO Bingo plus booze equals FUN, and this Monday night bingo game has $2.50 PBR tallboys with all-youcan-eat spaghetti for $9.13 (plus meatballs “as big as your head” for a bit more). Calamity Jane’s , 5701 Airport Way S, 763-3040. calamityjanes.biz. 6-10 pm. FOODPORTUNITY The Foodportunity series of networking events is about “connecting Seattle’s vibrant food community”—it’s FOOD plus OPPORTUNITY, get it? Available for connection this time around: Mark Fuller of Ma’ono, Heather Christo of HeatherChristo. com and Heather Christo’s Generous Table: Easy & Elegant Recipes Through the Seasons ,

, 2100 Fifth Ave, 448-2001. foodportunity.com. $25/$30. 6-9 pm.

Tues 10/29

EAT FISH TO BENEFIT FISH Ivar’s is donating all proceeds, all day today, at all its outlets, to the Seattle Aquarium. Nice. Various locations. ivars.com.

CARVE FOR A CAUSE

Check out architects’ crazy-ass jack-o’-lanterns while enjoying snacks and adult beverages, with prizes and an auction of the pumpkin-works, too. It all benefits the local chapter of Architects Without Borders, doing projects for communities in need in Kenya, Haiti, Peru, Nepal, and South Seattle. Copperworks Distilling Company 1250 Alaskan Way,

504-7604. awb-seattle. org. $25-$500. 6-9 pm.

THE CORNER TABLE Come to Cafe Presse for a delicious monthly family-style French supper paired (optionally, but vive a little!) with wine. Cafe Presse , 1117 12th Ave, 709-7674. cafepresseseattle.com. $27, $42 with wine. 6:30 pm.

ÜBRLOCAL DINNER

Seattle startup ÜbrLocal has launched its online marketplace “where local gardeners can swap or sell their produce and consumers can peruse the listings, making it easy for the urban food economy to grow.” In honor of this launching, the VPC hosts a locally sourced dinner. Volunteer Park Cafe , 1501 17th Ave E, 328-3155. ubrlocalvpc. brownpapertickets.com. $50. 6:30 pm.

MEANS WE RECOMMEND IT. SEND EVENT INFO TO: chow@thestranger.com

Find the full calendar online.

FIENDING FOR PUDDING AT CEDERBERG TEA HOUSE

Natasha Robson-Lovato Owner, Cederberg Tea House 1417 Queen Anne Ave N, 285-1352

Natasha Robson-Lovato opened Queen Anne’s Cederberg Tea House with her husband and parents when they decided they needed a brick-and-mortar location for their catering business, which specializes in traditional South African afternoon tea. They still do catering at different locations—recently, at a Sherlock Holmes convention—but prefer to host events at Cederberg because of the difficulty of moving elaborate tea sets and trays that resemble towering pastrycovered chandeliers. The teahouse specializes in rooibos tea, ground and brewed like espresso. Rooibos isn’t caffeinated, though it’s been known to cause an energy burst, perhaps because of the massive quantity of antioxidants it contains.

My creamy, honey-drizzled rooibos cappuccino came with a pleasantly light and salty shortbread cookie. Cederberg is the only place in town you can get South African pastries like koeksisters, braids of syrup-soaked fried bread that taste like the ultimate doughnut, and the reportedly wildly addictive mulva pudding. “People come in three days in a row and say in hushed tones, ‘I need a mulva pudding,’” Natasha said. “And I tell them, ‘You know, they’re not illegal.’” The teahouse has developed a following of former catering clients (whom I like to imagine are mainly costumed Sherlock Holmes fans), native South Africans, and a growing number of local mulva pudding fiends. SARAH GALVIN

THU " OCTOBER 24

ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK? MARATHON

ENJOY CHILLING DRINK SPECIALS, OUIJA BOARD AND SPOOKY GAMEPLAY WITH CARD KINGDOM, AND TRIVIA WHILE WATCHING SIX OF THE BEST EPISODES FROM ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK? FREE, 5:00PM–8:00PM, POP KITCHEN+BAR, 21+

SUN " OCTOBER 27

THE DARK CRYSTAL SCREENING + AUTHOR QUEST WITH LISA HENSON, CEO, THE JIM HENSON COMPANY

LISA HENSON WILL INTRODUCE THE FILM AND HIGHLIGHT THE DARK CRYSTAL AUTHOR QUEST, A CONTEST OPEN TO ALL ASPIRING AND PROFESSIONAL WRITERS TO IMAGINE THE NEXT CHAPTER IN THE DARK CRYSTAL SAGA AND BECOME THE AUTHOR OF THE NEW NOVEL. 5:00PM, TICKETS AT EMPMUSEUM.ORG

THU " OCTOBER 31

MONSTER FEST: KIDS HALLOWEEN EXTRAVAGANZA FREE ACTIVITIES IN SKY CHURCH INCLUDING TRICK-OR-TREATING, FRIGHTENINGLY FUN CRAFTS,

HALL WEEN 2013!

All the Halloween Parties, Concerts, Haunted Houses, and Events You Need to Know About!

Wednesday 10/23

Hurry! Finish getting your costume ready!

Thursday 10/24

The Can Can Presents

This Is Halloween

The Can Can Castaways perform the seventh annual cabaret show inspired by Tim Burton’s

The Nightmare Before Christma s. Featuring live music from Orkestar Zirkonium and members of Circus Contraption. Through Thursday, October 31. The Triple Door, 216 Union St, 838-4333, thetripledoor. net, $20–$40.

KUBE 93.3 FM’s Haunted House

The Georgetown Morgue has been turned into KUBE 93.3’s annual haunted house, housing 30 live zombies and a “crew specifically trained to terrorize.” Scary. Open daily through Halloween. Georgetown Morgue, 5000 E Marginal Way S, 762-2067, seattlehaunts.com, 7 pm, $18 general admission/$28 VIP express, all ages.

First Degree the D.E.’s

Halloween Horror Night

With live hiphop from First Degree the D.E., Blue Nose Music, Beanz & Rize, and Awall AKA 2piece. Wear your costume, of course. 88 Keys, 315 Second Ave, ilove88keys.com, $15, all ages.

Are You Afraid of the Dark? Marathon

Yes! The EMP is showing six episode’s of Nickelodeon’s beloved

Are You Afraid of the Dark? . There will be drink specials, Ouija boards,

and trivia, too. POP Kitchen + Bar, 325 Fifth Ave N, popkitchenseattle. com, 5 pm, free.

Friday 10/25

FreakNight 2013

The United State of Consciousness presents the 17th annual FreakNight Festival, featuring music from Dillon Francis, Dirtyphonics, Claude Vonstroke, Boys Noize, and dozens more DJs and musicians. The twoday festival also includes carnival rides, aerialists, costume contests, and more! See the full schedule at uscevents.com. WaMu Theater, 800 Occidental Ave S, freaknightfestival.com, $160 two-day general admission passes/$300 VIP passes, through Saturday.

Halloween Booootie

Music from A Plus D, DJ Freddy, King of Pants, and DJ Destrukt, a midnight costume contest, and more “spooky surprises” throughout the night. The first 100 people get a free limited-edition Halloween Booootie CD. Chop Suey, 1325 E Madison St, chopsuey.com, 9 pm, $10 before 10 pm/$15 after.

Eclectic Approach:

Costume Party

With live music from James Redfern, Redwood Son, and Goodnight Argent. The Crocodile, 2200 Second Ave, 441-4618, thecrocodile.com, 8 pm, $10.

Nightmare on EDM Street

With J.Quest, E.N.D., Jame$ Ervin, Nikolay Cloud, and more spinning EDM, house, and electro remixes in two rooms. Table reservations are available. See Sound Lounge, 115 Blanchard St, 979-3733,

206-453-3292

4730 University Way NE, #104 - Seattle WA 98105

seesoundlounge.com, 9 pm, free before 10:30 pm.

Zombie Party at Trinity

KISS 10 6.1 will be broadcasting live with Tyler and DJ Phase, and face painters will be on hand if you’re too lazy to make your own oozing zombie wounds! Trinity, 111 Yesler Way, 447-4140, trinitynightclub.com.

Halloween

Costume Party

With three sets from Good for You, a rock and roll cover band. High Dive, 513 N 36th St, 632-0212, highdiveseattle.com, 9:30 pm, $8.

Hallows in the Cathedral

A special spooky concert from the Seattle Women’s Chorus! Through Saturday. Saint Mark’s Cathedral, 1245 10th Ave E, saintmarks.org, 8 pm, $28–$48.

Spectrecle

This experimental spooky art display appears in conjunction with Georgetown Haunted History Tour. Through Sunday. Airport Way S, between S Lucille St and 13th Ave S, doublenasty.com, 6 pm, free.

Halloween at Tim’s Tavern

With live music from Curse of the Black Tongue, All New Material, and guests. Plus costume contests and drink specials. Tim’s Tavern, 602 N 105th, 789-9005, 9 pm

Saturday 10/26

The Fourth Annual ER Costume Crawl

Three bars, one party! Vito’s, the Hideout, and the Hunt Club are

teaming up for their annual costume crawl. There will be dancing, drinking, music from the Pornadoes and absoluteMadman, and lots of candy. Best costume wins $500! The Hideout, 100 Boren Ave, hideoutseattle.com, 8 pm, free.

All Hallows’ Cleave

A special spooky Halloween edition of Blood Squad, Seattle’s own horror-film obsessed improv troupe. The Erickson Theatre, 1524 Harvard Ave, balagantheatre. org, 8 pm.

Freak Like Me at FRED

Wildlife Refuge

DJ Hyro is spinning both classics and current hiphop and dance tunes, and they’ve also got costume contests, a photo booth, and VIP seating. FRED Wildlife Refuge, 127 Boylston Ave E, fredwildliferefuge.com, $10/$5 before 11 pm in costume.

Market Ghost Tour and Tubaluba at Post

The Market Ghost Tour is offering a special 75-minute Halloween tour through Pike Place Market. See the city’s first mortuary, an old graveyard, a former brothel, and more. The ghost tours are offered every night in October. On Saturday, after going on a Market Ghost Tour, stop by Post for a Halloween party and parade with music from Tubaluba. Market Ghost Tour, 1499 Post Alley, 805-0195, seattleghost.com, 5, 7, and 9 pm, $16.50, tour is all ages, party is 21+.

Risque Halloween Party

With DJ Mack-Long, J Battle, Eye Candy GoGo Girls, palm readers, costume contests, and more. Showbox at the Market, 1426 First Ave, 8 pm, $30.50/$65 VIP.

Bonza Bash Halloween 2013 Masquerade Costume Ball

Wear a costume or come in black-tie attire and a mask, and dance to music from DJ Gigahurtz. There will be prizes for best costume, best masquerade, best group costume, sexiest costume, and funniest costume, as well as complimentary coat check and red carpet photos. VIP seating is available, and includes a hosted bar, food, a swag bag, and more. Fremont Studios, 155 N 35th St, 838-9080, shindig.com, 8:30 pm, $40 general admission/$125–$295 VIP.

Steamcon V

The annual Steampunk convention has all kinds of different events happening through Sunday, including tea parties, art exhibits, vendors, games, and a performance from Abney Park. See the full schedule at steamcon.org. Hyatt Regency, 900 Bellevue Way NE, Bellevue, 425-462-1234, steamcon.org, $20–$60.

Pulse: The Ultimate Halloween Bash

With music from Brand X and DJ Funkdaddy. To enter the costume contest (they’re giving away more than $4,000 in prizes!), you must check in to the judging station before 11 p.m. Winners are announced at midnight. EMP, 325 Fifth Ave N, 770-2700, empmuseum.org, 8 pm, $39 general admission/$125–$250 VIP, 21+.

The Best ’80s Halloween Party Ever (So Far)

Featuring ’80s music (obviously) from Nite Wave and DJ Indica Jones. With a costume contest, too! Nectar Lounge, 412 N 36th St, 632-2020, nectarlounge. com, 8 pm, $10 adv/$12 DOS.

Inferno Halloween

With Lady Jane DJ and a $50 grand prize for best couple costume and favorite heroine costume. Neighbours, 1509 Broadway, infernodances.com, 6 pm, $10

Halloween Costume Contest

Tim’s Tavern hosts a party with live music from 9 Lb. Beaver, Suburban Vermin, and Wolfsblood, a Misfits tribute band. With a costume contest and drink specials, too! Tim’s

Jagermeister’s Official

Halloween Bash

Two floors of music with J.Quest, Kryspin, Joey Roxville, Austin Payne, and Jordan Hooks, $3,000 in prizes for best costumes, Jagermeister drink specials, and more. Last Supper Club, 124 S Washington St, 784-9975, lastsupperclub.com, 9 pm, $10 general admission/$20 VIP.

TRUST: The Final Edition

TRUST, a dance night that’s been going for more than four years, goes out with a bang tonight, throwing a big Halloween costume party with music from Kid Hops and Justice & Treasure. Costumes are strongly encouraged. Lo-Fi Performance Gallery, 429 Eastlake Ave, thelofi. net, 9 pm, $10.

Nevermore: A Halloween Spooktacular

A night of spooky belly dance and burlesque from Grace Constantine, La Petite Mort, Maureen, Paige Lawrence, Seraphine Fiero, Kindle, and more. Velocity Dance Center, 1621 12th Ave, nevermore-show. brownpapertickets.com, 8 pm, $20, all ages.

Nocturnal Illusions

Phoenix Jones, Henry the muralist, and Ramiro from Uniting Souls will be making an appearance; the night also includes burlesque, fire dancers, local food trucks, live music, prizes, and more. Two Beers Brewery, 4700 Ohio Ave S, nocturnalillusions.bpt.me, 8 pm, $18 adv/$25 DOS.

Bollywood

Halloween Bash

The Crocodile is turning into a haunted house, with free candy, prizes for best costumes, drink specials, and music from DJ Aanshul and DJ VJ. The Crocodile, 2200 Second Ave, thecrocodile.com, 441-4618, 9 pm, $8.

Madhouse

With DJs Wesley Holmes, Gene Lee, Jeromy Nail, and Bryce. Table reservations are available. See Sound Lounge, 115 Blanchard St, 979-3733, seesoundlounge.com, 9 pm, free before 10:30 pm.

The Teeny Tiny Pumpkin Fest

Celebrate the season with all things pumpkin! Pumpkin ale, pumpkin porter, pumpkin cider, and La Calabaza margaritas. And! Get a free pumpkin cookie when you bring a canned good to donate to Northwest Harvest. Bottleneck Lounge, 2328

E Madison St, 323-1098, bottlenecklounge.com, 4 pm, free.

Halloween Organ Concert

Heart Bach’s Toccata and Fugue in D minor played on the UW’s Littlefield Organ. Spooooky! Walker-Ames Room, Kane Hall, University of Washington, 6858384, music.washington.edu, 7:30 pm, $15, all ages.

Trick-or-Treating at Pike Place Market

There will be a kid-friendly haunted house, friendly witches, a vintage photo booth, Dracula pinball, and, of course, lots of candy. Pike Place at Pine St, near City Fish, pikeplacemarket.org, 11 am–4 pm, free, all ages.

Metalween Halloween and metal! Local musicians will perform classic metal covers from Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, Black Sabbath, and more. Shout at the devil! Rendezvous, 2322 Second Ave, 441-5823, jewelboxtheater.com, 9 pm, $8 with metal costume/$10 without.

Dudley Manlove Quartet Halloween

With special guests the Dropshadows. Sunset Tavern, 5433 Ballard Ave NW, 784-4880, sunsettavern.com, 9:30 pm, $10.

Toker’s Bowl & Masquerade Gala

With dinner, a full bar, a chocolate fountain (!!), and a pumpkin-carving contest. The Luxe, 5220 Roosevelt Way NE, hempfest.org, 6 pm, free to Hempfest members/memberships start at $15.

Trinity’s Annual Costume Contest

With music from Guy, VSOP, and Rise Over Run, and a $1,000 grand prize for best costume. Trinity, 111 Yesler Way, 447-4140, trinitynightclub.com.

Sunday 10/27

Ali Spagnola’s Halloween Power Hour

Somehow this involves 60 songs and 60 shots of beer in 60 minutes. Nectar Lounge, 412 N 36th St, 632-2020, nectarlounge.com, 6 pm, $5 adv/$8 DOS, cover does not include beer.

An Electric Halloween Party

Aradia celebrates the release of her new EP with Coreena and Furniture Girls. Nectar Lounge, 412 N 36th,

632-2020, nectarlounge.com, 7 pm, $5 adv/$8 DOS.

KEXP’s Halloween

Kids Dance Party

Dancing and crafts for the whole family, with host John Richards and grand marshal DJ El Toro. Advance tickets are sold out, but a limited number of tickets will be available at the door the day of show. Tractor Tavern, 5213 Ballard Ave NW, 789-3599, tractortavern. com, 11 am, $8.

Devils Night

Masquerade Ball

Burlesque, belly dancing, and music from DJ TNT Enigma. Highline, 210 Broadway Ave E, highlineseattle. com, 8 pm, $10.

Rocky Horror Pastie Show

A burlesque version of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, starring Zora Phoenix, Noah Mickens, Miss Kennedy, Rian Ryn, Isaiah Esquire, and many more. Prizes for the best Rocky Horror costume. Columbia City Theater, 4916 Rainier Ave S, columbiacitytheater. com, 7 pm, $15 adv/$20 DOS.

The Dark Crystal Screening with Lisa Henson

Come watch The Dark Crystal with Lisa Henson, CEO of the Jim Henson Company. JBL Theater at EMP Museum, 325 Fifth Ave N, empmuseum.org, 5 pm, $8 for EMP members/$10 general public.

Trick-or-Treat on the Waterfront

Families are invited to come trickor-treat along Seattle’s waterfront, starting at the Ferry Terminal and all the way down to the Olympic Sculpture Park. T HERE WILL BE SO MUCH CANDY. Seattle Waterfront Park, 1301 Alaskan Way, seattlewaterfront.org, 11 am–5 pm, free, all ages.

Halloween Brunch at Salty’s Alki

Salty’s hosts a Halloween-themed brunch with a kids’ costume contest and treats. Salty’s, 1936 Harbor Ave SW, 937-1600, saltys.com, 8:45 am, $15.95–$45.95, all ages.

Wednesday 10/30

Capitol Hill Ghost Tour

Wear your Halloween costume and get an approximately 90-minute tour of some of Seattle’s most haunted locations, famous ghosts (Kurt Cobain! Frances Farmer!), and local ghost stories. The tour starts in front of Elliott Bay Book Company and

$8/9:30PM

halloweeN

10/26 MATINEE MAYHEM PROBLEM CHILD - AC/DC TRIBUTE

$8 ADVANCE (BPT), $10 DAY OF SHOW/4PM

SAT 10/26 HIGH DIVE PRESENTS: INDIE/ROCK BLACK NITE CRASH TOKYOIDAHO, SOUVENIR DRIVER, THE PURRS $8/9PM

ends at Harvard Exit Theater. Starts at Elliott Bay Book Company, 1521 10th Ave, nwlegendsmuseum.com, 523-6348, 7 pm, $5 suggested donation (cash only).

Horror Fest II

Featuring Charlie Drown, Mixtape Minus, We Were Heroes, Honor Among Thieves, Raw Dogs, and Regional Faction. Studio Seven, 110 S Horton St, studioseven.us, 6:45 pm, $10 adv/$12 DOS, all ages.

Hitchcock’s Psycho

Watch Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho at Benaroya Hall while the Seattle Symphony performs the soundtrack live! Through Thursday. Benaroya Hall, 200 University St, seattlesymphony.org, 7:30 pm, $19–$112, all ages.

Thursday 10/31

BUMP!’s 30th Anniversary Party

Jake Shears of the Scissor Sisters will be performing a special DJ set along with DJs Sammy Jo, Nark, and Trouble. And there will be a performance from Alyssa Edwards of RuPaul’s Drag Race season five! Hosted by Ben DeLaCreme, too! Neighbours, 1509 Broadway, strangertickets.com, 9 pm, $30 general admission/$65 VIP.

R-Rated Underworld Tour

This is like the usual Underground Tour, but “raunchier” and only for adults! Admission includes a cocktail. Underground Tour, 608 First Ave, 682-4646, undergroundtour.com, 7, 8, and 9 pm, $25.

An All-Hallows Eve Rock ’n’ Roll Party

With Hell’s Belles, Seattle’s own all-female AC/DC tribute band, HalloQueen, playing Queen songs, duh, and Belles Bent for Leather, a tribute to Judas Priest. Yeow! Showbox at the Market, 1426 First Ave, 7 pm, $20

Black Weirdo Halloween Party

Presented by THEESatisfaction! With DJ sets from Shabazz Palaces and SassyBlack, special guests Gift Uh Gab and Malitia MaliMob, and the Stranger’s own Larry Mizell Jr. as your host. A Stranger Suggested event—see thestranger.com/suggests for more info! Lo-Fi Performance Gallery, 429 Eastlake Ave, thelofi. net, 9 pm, $12 adv/$15 DOS/$18 after 2 am.

Hula Hula Halloween Party and Costume Contest

The costume contest starts at 9 p.m., the winner will be announced after midnight, and the grand prize is two tickets to see Macklemore at KeyArena in December! With karaoke all night and prizes for the runners-up, too. Hula Hula Lounge, 106 First Ave N, 284-5003, 9 pm, free.

Halloween Bash at the Tractor

With McTuff and Crack Sabbath featuring Skerik on saxophone! Tractor Tavern, 5213 Ballard Ave NW, 7893599, tractortavern.com, 9:30 pm, $12 adv/$15 DOS.

Happy Hallows: An EDM Benefit for R.O.A.R.

This is an alcohol-free all-ages show with music from Anarctica, Jimni Cricket, and C3llar Dw3ll3r, and prizes for best homemade costumes, too. Kids under 14 are welcome with an accompanying adult. Washington Hall, 153 14th Ave, happyhallows.brownpapertickets. com, 8 pm, $10.

7th Annual Halloween Bash

Neumos, Barboza, and Moe Bar unite for a big Halloween bash featuring performances by Grynch, the Good Husbands, DJ 100 Proof, Swervewon, Jeff Hank, Nostalgia B, and more. There will also be candy, costume contests, and drink specials. Neumos, 925 E Pike St, 709-9442, neumos.com, 8 pm, free.

Halloween at the Blue Moon

Cover is only $5, with live music from Boners in Space, Wayfinders, Bad Love, and Kurly Somthing. Blue Moon, 712 NE 45th St, 675-911, bluemoonseattle.wordpress. com, 9 pm, $5.

Flavr Fright Nite

An all-ages costume party with the Flavr Blue, Don’t Talk to the Cops!, Mack Ned, and DJ 100Proof! The Vera Project, Warren and Republican, theveraproject. org, 7 pm, $10 adv/$12 DOS, all ages.

City of Screams

With music from Grammy-nominated DJ/Producer Dirty South, Darrius, Rion, and Matei Craciun. Best costume

gets $500! Foundation, 2218 Western Ave, foundationnightclub.com, 9 pm.

Halloween with Hoodie Allen

The Party with Your Friends Tour comes to the Showbox Sodo with performances by Hoodie Allen, Moosh & Twist, D-Why, and Shelton Harris & Tyler Dopps. Showbox Sodo, 1700 First Ave S, showboxonline. com, 7:30 pm, $21.50 adv/$25 DOS.

Halloween Bash at the Crocodile With DJ Sharadawn, door prizes, drink specials, and Seahawks tickets for best costume! The Crocodile, 2200 Second Ave, 441-4618, thecrocodile.com, 8 pm, free if you RSVP at facebook.com/underdogseattle, otherwise $10 DOS/$20 VIP.

Halloween at Chop Suey

A very punk rock Halloween with the Accüsed, Millhous, Triple Sixes, and Brainscraper. Chop Suey, 1325 E Madison St, chopsuey.com, 8 pm, $5 adv/$8 DOS.

Halloween Party at Bogart’s With the Unlimited Horrors (a Roky Erickson Tribute), Coconut Coolouts, and the Gallow Swings! It’ll be great. Bogart’s Airport Way, 3924 Airport Way S, 622-1119, bogartsairportway.com, 9 pm, $5.

Stephen Kingo

It’s Stephen King Bingo! It sounds scary, whatever it is. Pop Kitchen + Bar, 325 Fifth Ave N, empmuseum. org, 5 pm, free.

Monster Fest: Kids Halloween Extravaganza

Trick-or-treat in the Sky Church and go on a scavenger hunt through the rest of the EMP. There will also be face painting, crafts, screenings of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow and Hotel Transylvania, and other family-friendly surprises. EMP Museum, 325 Fifth Ave N, empmuseum.org, 2-8 pm, kids under 12 are free, adults in costume get $5 off museum admission.

Hopvine’s 5th Annual Halloween Karaoke

Costumes are encouraged, of course! Hopvine, 507 15th Ave E, 328-3120, 9 pm, free.

The Green Halloween & Costume Party

Featuring Longstride and Elton Jah, the “ultimate reggae tribute to Sir Elton John!” Also, prizes for scariest, funniest, and sexist costumes. Nectar Lounge, 412 N 36th St, 632-2020, nectarlounge.com, 8 pm, $5 adv/$10 DOS.

Zombie Apocalypse Costume Bash

With an “open casket” buffet, cocktails, and a guest DJ spinning Top 40 and ’80s music. And a costume contest! You’ll have 20 second to win over the crowd, and the person with the loudest applause wins. The Belltown Pub, 2322 First Ave, 448-6210, 9 pm, free.

Soul Funky Halloween

With music from Radio Raheem and Shady Bottom. Conor Byrne, 5140 Ballard Ave NW, 784-3640, conorbyrnepub.com, 9 pm.

632-0212, highdiveseattle.com, 8 pm, free before 10 pm/$5 after.

Halloween at the Barrel Thief Music, dancing, trivia, games, and $5 drink specials. A fashion runway costume contest starts at 9 p.m. The Barrel Thief, 3417 Evanston Ave N #102, 4025492, 7 pm, free.

Slim’s Halloween Party With live music from Patitude and Snakes of Christ. Slim’s Last Chance Chili Shack & Watering Hole, 5606 First Ave S, 762-7900, slimslastchance.com, 9 pm, free.

Halloween at the Highline With Blowfly, Ronald McFondle, the Fabulous Downey Brothers, and the Blue Ribbon Boys. Things will probably get a little weird. Highline, 210 Broadway Ave E, highlineseattle.com, 8 pm, $15.

All Hallows Eve at the Haunted Theater

With a full-costume tribute to Hedwig and the Angry Inch, zombie Talking Heads tribute Talking Deads, and the female Ramones tribute the Dee Dees. Hosted by Dr. Frank-N-Furter and Elvira, too. Yes! Columbia City Theater, 4916 Rainier Ave S, columbiacitytheater.com, 8 pm, $12 adv/$15 DOS.

Halloween at Cichetti

With “spooky food,” drink specials, and a costume contest at 10 p.m. Cicchetti, 121 E Boston St, 8594155, free.

La Carta de Oaxaca and Mezcaleria Oaxaca’s Annual Dia de Muertos Party

A day filled with festivities including live banda music, a special Dia de Muertos menu, a costume contest, and more at both the Ballard and Queen Anne locations! Also: the best tortillas in Seattle. Mezcaleria Oaxaca, 2123 Queen Anne Ave N, 216-4446, mezcaleriaoaxaca.com, noon; La Carta Oaxaca, 5431 Ballard Ave NW, lacartadeoaxaca.com, 11:30 am.

Halloween at Trinity

First place in this year’s costume contest wins two trips to Las Vegas! Trinity, 111 Yesler Way, 447-4140, trinitynightclub.com.

Friday 11/1

Spookhaus

Halloween isn’t over yet. Satori’s dance party features a bedbug room! A guy with a chain saw! Eyeballs! Booze! Live music! And more! All proceeds benefit Satori’s spring production. LAB@Inscape, 815 Seattle Blvd S, satori-group.com, 9 pm, $10.

Halloween Costume Bash

With live ’80s rock (butt rock/glam rock/etc.) from Platinum Spandex and $500 for the best costume. Hard Rock Cafe, 116 Pike St, 204-2233, 8 pm, $20.

The Funky Horror Picture Show

A “freaky Halloween dance party” presented by the Braxmatics. With Soul Senate, Tip to Base, and DJ Funky Rey V, too. High Dive, 513 N 36th St, 6320212, highdiveseattle.com, 9 pm, $8.

10th Annual Cabaret Macabre

A night of music, dance, burlesque, and more with the Bad Things, Baby Gramps, Nu Klezmer Army, Sweet Violets, Danse Carouselle, Iva Handfull, and aerialist Michele Frances. FRED Wildlife Refuge, 127 Boylston Ave E, fredwildliferefuge.com, 8 pm, $18 adv/$20 DOS.

Halloween Party at Waid’s

With Fox and the Law, Branden Daniel and the Chics, Psychedelephant, and the Mama Rags. Doors open at 8:50 p.m., show starts at 9 p.m. Waid’s Restaurant & Lounge, 1212 E Jefferson St, 328-6493, 9 pm, $5.

Come As You Aren’t

A bunch of your favorite local bands (Friends and Family, Post Adolescence, In Cahoots, Gibraltar, the Mangles, and more) are covering a bunch of your favorite not-so-local bands (Heart, Lou Reed, G.G. Allin, the Replacements, and Talking Heads)! Cool! Skylark, 3808 D elridge Way SW, 935-2111, skylarkcafe.com, 8 pm, free.

MUSIC

Get Upset

Ali Koehler Talks Pop Punk and Dogs Wearing Sunglasses

BY MEGAN SELING

Get stoked, pop punk fans, your favorite record of 2013 is out this week! Upset, the new trio featuring Ali Koehler (Vivian Girls), Patty Schemel (motherfucking Hole!), and Jennifer

Prince, are releasing their debut, She’s Gone, on October 29, and it is the best sugary delight one could hope to find in the bottom of their trick-or-treat bag.

The songs—nearly all of them falling under the three-minute mark (as any decent pop punk song does)—bounce through memories of going back to school, dealing with mean girls, and messing around with crushes. While its youthful energy is definitely fun enough to still resonate with adults, it’s also the record you should pass on to any tweens and teenagers you know—Upset’s perfect balance of confidence and unpretentiousness will inspire anyone who listens to pick up a guitar or drumsticks (or at least have a very loud sing-along in their bedroom).

Singer Ali Koehler kindly answered my questions about pop punk, mean internet commenters, and, of course, the fluffy white sunglasses-wearing dog in their promo photo.

My first question, the most important question: What is the name of the dog in your promo photo, the one wearing sunglasses? That’s Maddie, the photographer’s dog. We took all these serious photos, and then she jumped into our lap, and the dog’s owner was like, “Oh, I’ve got a good idea,” and put some sunglasses on her. It was really funny.

I read that you met Patty Schemel on Twitter. Is that really how it went down? That is true, she followed me ’cause she’s a fan of Vivian Girls and I was the drummer, and I was like, “Oh, holy shit, Patty Schemel follows me.” So I direct messaged her, I offered to watch her daughter for her ’cause I’m a nanny, and we exchanged numbers. A little bit later, we were texting and talking about music and decided to play together. I had already been toying around with the idea of starting a band with my friend Jenn as well, so it just morphed into one band.

then I loved Bikini Kill. My boyfriend was like, that doesn’t make any sense, to like both of those types of music. I don’t know—you just get sick of hearing a bunch of dudes shitting on girls, even though the music is really good.

Do you deal with any of that misogyny in the modern day, as a female musician? I’m sure it’s going to happen. With Vivian Girls we used to get the harshest shit said about us. Like, really fucking hateful, unwarranted nastiness. But so far with Upset, maybe just because it’s on a smaller scale, we haven’t really had that yet. I’ve kind of been waiting for it. I’m like, “Has the internet grown up in three years? This is crazy! Nobody’s commenting about whether or not they’d fuck one of us!” Which is sad that that’s what I expect.

I’d love for internet commenters to get to a point where three women can be in the same photo and it doesn’t turn into a game of Fuck, Marry, Kill. Yeah! When Vivian Girls started, Rookie didn’t exist—I feel like that’s a really positive website. And people are taking steps to moderate their comments a little bit more, which is good, because people don’t need to read that stuff. It has nothing to do with the purpose of music, so why are these websites condoning it by leaving it up? It’s stupid.

• LA/Oakland brats Hunx and His Punx played a sweaty, sold-out show at Chop Suey on Friday (the occasion also marked Chop Suey booker Jodi Ecklund’s 40th birthday—happy birthday, Jodi!). Opening band Wimps were dressed as ZZ Top, complete with long gray beards. Overheard in the all-ages audience after the show: “Who is ZZ Tops?”

• It was totally worth the wait. Italian progrock/horror-film-soundtrack legends Goblin, playing their first ever North American tour after four decades as a band, lived up to their lofty reputation with a staggering show of fiery instrumental interplay and chilling atmospheres at Neumos on Friday. Reanimating several songs from peak albums like Profondo Rosso, Roller, Suspiria, Dawn of the Dead, and Tenebre, Goblin appeared to be having even more fun than the audience, taking numerous photos of themselves and the crowd, and glad-handing adoring fans.

I was a big fan of Hole growing up, and I really love pop punk, and then I wondered, “How the fuck do you ask Patty Schemel to be in your pop punk band?” [Laughs] It’s funny. I love pop punk, and she really likes the Descendents, but at one practice I was like [hesitantly], “Do you like Jawbreaker? I wanna cover Jawbreaker.” And she was like, “Yeah! I love Jawbreaker!” “Oh, awesome!”

Which other old pop punk bands are you still in love with? I was really into emo more than pop punk—I got into pop punk a little bit later, at least pop punk that’s cool to like. Like the Ergs. The Ergs are cool.

I love that you name-dropped them in your bio, too, as a similar-sounding band. I went to college in New Jersey; I went to Rutgers. I used to see the Ergs a lot, and I really love them. It’s funny because the woman who wrote our bio, she wrote that we sound like

“You just get sick of hearing a bunch of dudes shitting on girls, even though the music is really good.”

the Ergs and Lemuria, and I was like, “That isn’t that big of a selling point for that many people,” [laughs] but I like it, so whatever. I agree with the sentiment.

As I’ve gotten older, I feel like it’s a little harder to have a relationship with pop punk, given the “whiny dude who hates all women” mentality that seems to happen a lot. My friend tweeted something like “Early 2000s pop punk and emo turned me into a radical feminist.” I was like, that was my journey, too! I loved the Get Up Kids, and

I don’t know how you feel about revealing what songs are about, but in the song “Don’t Lose Your Dinosaur,” what’s the dinosaur referring to? That’s referencing a quote from the movie Step Brothers. There’s a part at the end where they get their shit together, and then they come to a Catalina wine mixer and play this song after they haven’t played instruments in so long, and it’s really ridiculous, but the dad is basically telling them, “Live your dreams, man, don’t lose your dinosaur,” because Dale told a story about how he wanted to be a dinosaur when he grew up.

Nice, I like that. I was worried you were going to tell me it didn’t mean anything. No, I feel if I don’t have a connection in some way to what I’m saying, it feels really insincere, and I just scrap it.

In that Rookie interview, you said the reason you chose the band name Upset is because that’s often how you feel. Does songwriting help? No, I find that if I’m really depressed, I can’t play music at all. It’s only when I’m feeling better that I can. I don’t know, it comes and goes. That’s how it happens for me. Like, for a year I can’t imagine writing a song, and then all of a sudden one day I’m like, “I’m gonna write 15 songs!”

I don’t know if this will be taken as an insult, but while I really love your record now as an adult, I also wish I had it when I was in high school. No, that’s not an insult at all. I really like that.

It’s something I would love to give to all 15-year-old girls. I loved bands so much when I was 15, and I miss that. I wish I could feel that way again. I just wanted to make something that would make someone feel that way. I still get that feeling every so often, it just comes in smaller spurts, so I feel like I have to capture it when it happens.

Upset play Black Lodge on November 15.

• Kanye West’s KeyArena show on Saturday—the first date on his Yeezus tour—opened two hours late. He didn’t even go on until after 11:30 p.m. Duuuuude! West played for about two hours, though, and the live show featured a huge pyramid, a statue of the Virgin Mary, an onstage conversation with “White Jesus,” and possibly rapping.

• We recently reported that Cairo booker/ former Stephanie guitarist Ian Judd is leaving Seattle for New York City at the end of October. Now we know why: He’s going to be managing the Captured Tracks label’s retail outlet. Replacing Judd are James Scheall, Cameron McCreery, and Troy Ayala. Good luck to all.

• If you’re a fan of hilariously flagrant trash-talking and occasional bursts of ’90shued nostalgia (“I’m gonna watch that funny episode of ‘saved by the bell’ where jessies on adderall does anybody know what season that is?”), you need to get down with Nacho Picasso’s Twitter feed He’s on some stream-of-consciousness Tourette’s shit.

• “Werewolves of London” = HOT ; “Monster Mash” = NOT.

• Daniel Enders, drummer/vocalist for Seattle power-spaz duo MTNS, suffered the theft of a Boss MICRO BR digital recorder that he says “has all of my teenage recordings, samples from Spain, and many field recordings. If anyone sees this in a pawnshop, used gear store, Craigslist, or even a Guitar Center, please let me know. Since I do not have the serial number, I’d rather buy it back than have it gone forever. It’s beat up around the edges with paint a little worn off.” It was last seen at the Montana bar on Capitol Hill. Let us know if you’ve seen it: lineout@ thestranger.com.

Comment on this shit at THESTRANGER.COM/MUSIC

Already Rich

Central District MC Porter Ray Has the Goods and the GLD

BY ANDREW MATSON

On Aurora Avenue, in the remodeled house/marijuana dispensary called “Cesar’s Salad,” hiphop music plays loudly, and a circle of engineers, producers, rappers, and DJs huddle around Porter Ray like he’s a light. Taking in the attention, the 25-year-old Central District MC with the high-pitched voice does glow, a little. The circle huddles because Porter Ray Sullivan, or simply Porter Ray (rap name equals real name), is playing new, unreleased music for the first time. And when it comes to this rapper, whom Seattle hiphop god Ishmael Butler calls “the golden child,” that’s an event.

album and groups like Ghetto Children and Narkotik, which created a special, samplebased haze. “I’m a good listener,” Porter says. He’s also a minor historian of his home area, since that’s all throwback music to him.

Porter Ray w/Pete Rock & CL Smooth, Camp Lo, Supreme La Rock Fri Nov 1, Crocodile, 8 pm, $20 adv, all ages

Porter’s debut album, BLK GLD, came out last spring, and it is one of the mustdownloads of Seattle rap music in 2013 (I would argue it is the main must-download, along with ILLFIGHTYOU’s debut album). It’s an online song bundle that holds together as a complete musical thought, beats working with the rhymes, to showcase Porter’s sparkling voice—a light, slangy, and relaxed instrument he should be thanking the stars he doesn’t have to go to the trouble of putting on. He has a gift. In conversation, it’s the same voice. That’s just the way Porter sounds. The highlight of BLK GLD is “Blackberry Kush,” a song that’s trippy and rainy like Seattle, and deep and compassionate like Porter. You have already heard it if you listen to KEXP’s Street Sounds, where he did an in-studio performance and was interviewed by host Larry Mizell Jr. Porter’s double EP WHT GLD/RSE GLD—out October 18— sounds just like BLK GLD because it’s from the same recording sessions two years ago, and thou shalt download that, too. It’s all excellent fall music, jazzy and muted in an underground 1990s fashion—truly something to carve your pumpkin to.

“People say I sound like Nas in Ish’s voice,” says Porter, meaning Butler, “who are the people I’ve been modeling my style after my whole life.”

He also sounds a lot like Central District hiphop from the 1990s, which is where/when he grew up. The neighborhood is a cradle of Seattle hiphop with an ancient history that includes Sir Mix-A-Lot doing shows at the Boys & Girls Club in the 1980s. But Porter’s Central District influence is the heady ’90s era, marked by Tribal Productions’ Do the Math

In the studio, Porter plays several other albums he’s working on, in various stages of completion. All of them come back to his voice, which never fails to twankle and glisten. And his diction is dope; he picks good words. As he sits back with his MacBook, the inner circle quotes lines. Cesar Clemente III—proprietor, artist, supplier of the studio—shakes his head, reciting raps from an untitled, unreleased song he heard for the first time seconds ago: “I think bro had his phone tapped/Feds turning homies into known rats/Selling dope on his iPhone/Either end up booked or get his dome blapped.”

This is where hiphop evolves in Seattle: unknown MCs rapping in secret studios over beats by unheard-of producers. Everybody vibing. It’s a level that will always exist. But now, major label A&Rs are interested. Where’s the next Macklemore?

(Hint: There is no next Macklemore. Sub-hint: The next Macklemore is hiding in a bunker with the next Kurt Cobain.)

didn’t take music seriously until he was 21, when his brother Aaron John Sullivan (the graffiti writer “Orke,” then 18) was murdered in Leschi after a disagreement: “That lit the fire under my ass. I was hella depressed, but it gave me hella shit to talk about.”

Using tiny, precise penmanship, Porter penned 800 pages of lyrics and ideas in black-and-white notebooks (800 pages, people)—material he would use for the GLD sessions. What kind of young person writes 800 pages longhand? A person with great dedication who spends time alone and is trying to process something. One of the songs from BLK GLD, “5950s,” is about people getting shot in Seattle. Porter’s coping mechanism is to be neutral and stoned: “Everybody beefin’/I just ride around chiefin’.”

What kind of young person writes 800 pages longhand?

Managers are jumping out of the woodwork. Speculators are speculating. Labels are offering deals (ask your rapper friends). Porter has been approached, and although he’s flattered by that, he’s playing it cool for now—staying in the studio surrounded by old-school homies. “I’m really just working on my craft,” he says.

A possible model for that could be THEESatisfaction, the recently ascendant and prolific duo that released several albums and mixtapes independently before signing to Sub Pop, and still continue to do it themselves from time to time (they featured Porter at one of their seasonal Black Weirdo parties). In an interview on the Sway’s Universe website, Porter said he respects Macklemore’s hustle because “he’s a great example of an artist that isn’t relying on the major labels.”

Porter is recording all the time now, but historically, slowness has been a part of his process. He rapped casually since birth and

He tends to rap about crime and violence through the window of a car. Since the GLD material comes from this long gestation period, and because Porter is such a close listener to his surroundings, his perspective is different than more shallow rappers. Also, he’s different in general. A romantic, you could say. Porter is uncommonly sentimental about the breeze blowing ashes off girls’ North Face fleeces, for instance (in the song “Float”). On “Prolly,” he raps with odd compassion: “My managers look at me and see dollar signs/I look at them and I see that we all can shine.” Porter looks at individuals and sees “us.”

The craziest new music he shares in the Cesar’s Salad studio is sci-fi electronic, a project in progress with Seattle/San Francisco producer Tele Fresco. It’s very 2013—with notes of producers like Arca, Burial, and Clams Casino—proof that Porter is not stuck in his ’90s bubble. One song features autobiography: “In middle school, I was passing fiends/Walking home through these active streets/Central District they trapping deep/ Officers quick to blast their heat/Snitches talk, watch how you speak/Floating eighths and blasting beats/Everyone out here trying to eat/The difference is we took a leap/And that’s what makes us so unique.”

Comment on the golden child at THESTRANGER.COM/MUSIC

NEVER HEARD OF ’EM

BY ANNA MINARD

Anna Minard claims to “know nothing about music.” For this column, we force her to listen to random records by artists considered to be important by music nerds.

THE MISFITS

Static Age (Caroline)

Finally, these famous skull guys! I’m glad to get around to them. Their signature janky skull-print back patch is so ubiquitous, it seems funny to realize I’ve absolutely never heard the music. I didn’t even know whose skull art that was until it finally appeared in a K-pop video a couple years ago, and I had to look it up. Once your fashion is being appropriated in Asian pop music, you’ve really made it, y’know?

And it turns out the Misfits are totally palatable for someone like me who isn’t so patient with punk. I did have to listen to them on literally the lowest volume my computer would make (one little volume dot!). So what? I can hear it just fine like this, thanks! They have good driving drums and “whoa-ohhh”s and they’re not using a whole garage worth of tools to make sounds. It’s just dudes hanging out, having some semi-angry feels, and trying to sound tough.

I’ll warn you, though, it’s not innocuous. Bobbing your head along, you may realize you’re rocking out to the peppy “Last Caress,” with lyrics like “I got something to say/I killed your baby today… Well I got something to say/I raped your mother today.” Erm, okay. Kind of a predictable direction for your shock value. But each song is only like two minutes long, so you just zing along to the next one and forget he was ever killing anybody. For all their back-patchery and the grodiness of some of their lyrics, I expect ’em to be way more screamy. But they hold it together for the whole album, just punking along and singing over actual tunes. The beginning 10 seconds of drumbeat on “Come Back” is almost worth listening to the whole album; it’s a thing your brain gets stuck on but can’t repeat by itself. It’s okay to replay it a bunch of times.

According to all relevant research tools, the lead singer of the Misfits is Glenn Danzig, who sounds familiar. Apparently he was really into horror movies and had a resulting devilish hairstyle. I wanted to find a lot of earnest rebellion and political leanings in their biography, but found only skulls. So while this is a good Halloween pick, it was disappointing, since I turned to it in a rebellious mood, hoping for a little substance. I listened to it outside in the cold and fog drinking whiskey and chain-smoking, but all that happened was Danzig crowing, “Little Angelfuck, little Angelfuck” and something about wounds. Not revolutionary. Still, if you’re looking for an old punk band to start with, this is a totally listenable choice that your ears can survive and enjoy. Don’t hurt your neck nodding along—it’s contagious.

I give it a “just wait for the rock piano” out of 10.

MY PHILOSOPHY

NIGHT OF THE LTD, FLATBUSH ZOMBIES, BODEGA BAMZ

Now that the lunar phase is new, I lay my game flat: My latest conflict of interest has to do with LTD, the artist management company I cofounded. Hence Night of the LTD on Friday, October 25, at the Neptune, an all-ages showcase of all the artists we work with: Kingdom Crumbs, ILLFIGHTYOU, Jarv Dee, and OCnotes, with DJ Suspence and myself hosting. (Funny story: I was actually a vocal advocate of all these acts before I worked with any of them, and still am.) I just want to be totally transparent (as I roll out the blatant promo), because it’s been made clear to me how much trust a bunch of people place in me in regards to thinking and speaking about our hiphop scene here, and I take that shit very serious.

Flatbush Zombies (coming to the Crocodile on Sunday the 27th for an all-ages show) are a group that has exactly one rapper I like and whose beats I enjoy (Eric Arc Elliott), one dude who at best only annoys the shit out of me half the time (Meechy Darko), and one dude whose raps consistently blow any vestiges of a high I might have even tried to have (Zombie Juice). Which puts them on par with—off the top of my head—Tha Outlawz, or something. Queens’s Action Bronson, even restrained as he is on “Club Soda,” handily cleans every plate at the table—“The pepper steak was salty/But I ate it ’cause I love her/She put sugar in the vegetables/She grew up in the gutter.” Danny Brown twists his voice up into an unhinged blackboard-scrapescreech (even more than usual), a trick the Zombies can’t do without sounding theatrically contrived, which is pretty much all the time. FZ put me in mind of Onyx’s cornier aspects, even though I liked those grimee bald heads about a million times better. “I’m hot, bitch,” ya boy Juice says on “Nephilim,” “I ain’t Nelly, this ain’t Mims, I’m something deadly.” Brah, even a rapper with no shame—say, the guy who rapped on Rebecca Black’s “Friday”—would’ve crossed that shit out, crumpled the paper up and ate it, then shit it out in secret, somewhere deep in the woods, covered the shameful turd with leaves and branches, and then burned the forest down, before dedicating the rest of his life to helping people.

There are reasons to go, though—another known A$AP collaborator, Bodega Bamz, head of the Spanish Harlem–made Tan Boys collective (I’d advise you to check his Strictly 4 My P.A.P.I.Z. tape, awesomely tagged on iTunes as “Latin Trap”), is opening up, as well as the consistently superrocking tandem of Kung Foo Grip

Lastly, a couple local must-haves that have come out recently: Porter Ray’s WHT GLD/RSE GLD EP—which captures young Porter flavin’ at his best—and THEESatisfaction’s latest self-released tape, And That’s Your Time. The latter’s highlights include “Moon God” (very apropos) featuring JusMoni and “Queen County (4 Women),” which sees Stas and Cat paired up with Moni and Moor Gangstress Gift Uh Gab to life-affirmingly ill effect. More of this, please.

EARL SWEATSHIRT AND THE CURSE OF THE TELL-TALE FLEA

Earl Sweatshirt (Thebe Neruda Kgositsile, born February 24, 1994) is one of the spryest rap minds alive. As LA’s unassuming imp-laureate, he goes as far in as he does out, dispensing words from the city’s canon like they were preprogrammed in his brain. Stemming from the Odd Future conglomerate, Sweatshirt hangs meaning in beats and inflections that appear nonchalant at first. In “Hive,” he casts patterns like latticework: “Desolate testaments trying to stay Jekyll-ish/But most niggas Hyde, and Brenda just stay pregnant/Breaking news: Death’s less important when the Lakers lose/It’s lead in that baby food, heads try to make it through.” Sweatshirt’s release Doris doesn’t fool you into listening, it lulls you in. Once you’re within his murk, Sweatshirt’s words hook you. When Sweatshirt called, he said he didn’t feel like talking. He’d done too many interviews. So I read him the following nightmare instead:

Earl

taught himself how to hop and scuttle-walk on his exo-legs. He needed blood.

On the fourth day, someone came in the room—the principal from his school, Sydney Loren Bennett. Thebe sprang into the cuff of her slacks from 10 inches away. Inside was a violent ride. Bennett drove home and walked into her kitchen where her partner was eating chicken and soup.

Thebe waited until Bennett was asleep to climb up the sheets and find a nice spot on the principal’s calf to sink his stabber into. Bennett didn’t flinch. Finally, blood. Bennett was a Columbia psychology grad—her blood was a warm, salty, graduate-level nectar.

w/Vince Staples Wed Oct 30, Neptune Theatre, 9 pm, $21.50 adv/$25 DOS, all ages

Two weeks went by. Sometimes he’d tap Bennett’s partner. Her blood was sweeter. This life as a flea was boring. A month passed. Bennett and her partner occasionally scratched at their bite marks but never noticed. Six months as a flea, and Thebe only thought in terms of blood, settling into a rhythm of feeding. He slept deeply, embedded into the carpet under the bed, and dreamed of Jupiter’s moons. When the Bennetts had people over, Thebe would feed on the guests. Bennett’s niece was nice, too; all she ate was Junior Mints. She tasted like a Christmas tree.

In the autumn of 1961, Doris died while reading the last sentence of Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Tell-Tale Heart”: “‘Villains!’ I shrieked, ‘dissemble no more! I admit the deed!—tear up the planks! here, here!—it is the beating of this hideous heart!’” Doris passed away with a red pen in her hand. She always read with a red felt-tip pen in her hand, for underlining important passages.

Doris was also paranoid about fleas. She was paranoid her expensive dhurrie rug was going become infested, even though she didn’t own a dog or cat. When she was a child, her blind, cold, concrete-souled father, Golf, had forbade her to have a pet. Golf lost his eyes during WWI—a German bayonet nearly took his face off. Doctors grafted skin from his ass onto his cheek and left him with a permanent scowl. He’d say, “You bring a pet in this house, I’ll kill it. We’ll get fleas! Fleas are vile devils. Never in this house. Never!”

When her brother Thebe found her body, her red pen was still her grasp. It was a good pen. Thebe taught high school English and always needed pens, so when he cleaned her room after the funeral, he put it in his pocket. Two mornings later, he began to grade essays, but as soon as he touched the pen to paper, he was struck blind. The pen started writing on its own, controlling his arm and hand.

Thebe was powerless. When he tried to pull his arm back to stop, bayonet pain ran through his eye sockets. Thebe wrote blindly across the desk and onto the floor. After seven lengths back and forth across the carpet, his hand stopped writing. He dropped the pen and could see again. He stood looking at the last words he wrote: This hideous heart. The pen had written “The Tell-Tale Heart” word for word.

After a year, Thebe was ready to leave the house and try his hand as a flea in the world at large. He overheard Bennett say she was taking students on a class trip to the White House. And it hit him: There were advantages to being the size of a flea—places one could go without detection. He’d ride inside Bennett’s pant cuff to

the White House and find JFK and Jacqueline’s bedroom. He’d listen to the secrets of the world and feed on power-ripened global-leader blood. Maybe Marilyn Monroe would come over, or Nikita Khrushchev, with real Russian vodka in his system.

Thebe was a sane, tenured, competent man. He didn’t know the Poe story word for word. He looked out the window, and in a flash, saw Doris in a German uniform stabbing Golf in the eyes with a bayonet screaming, “Der teufel! Devils! Filthy dog!” Suddenly, a wrecking, imploding sensation hit his chest, and Thebe turned into a flea. He tried to speak, but he couldn’t. Thebe had a thorax and antennae. He was hard and polished, with tiny spines around his head and mouth. Three days passed. He

The day of Bennett’s White House trip came, and the plan went off unhitched. He scoured the rooms until he found the biggest one, with the biggest bed. The next morning, Thebe woke from Jupiter dreams to voices he recognized from the news. It was the president and the first lady waking up. JFK ordered coffee and eggs over a phone, then he went into the bathroom to take his presidential morning piss. Up the sheets Thebe climbed, to get a better angle on Jacqueline. He was inches from first lady blood. He was about to stab her when she said, “Johnny, you’ve got to get the Germans to take down that wall. Khrushchev is a devil. A der teufel.” Thebe changed from a flea back into a man. Thebe lay there nude on the bed next to First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy. Her scream pierced as she jumped up. JFK ran back in, and within seconds, there were three Secret Service agents pointing pistols at his head. Thebe said, “No, see, I was a flea. I just wanted y’all’s blood.” THE END. Earl Sweatshirt: So he didn’t get her blood? That’s bullshit. What happens next?…

UP&COMING

Lose your clunky Iron Man 3 costume every night this week! For the full music calendar, see page 61 or visit thestranger.com/music For ticket on-sale announcements, follow twitter.com/seashows

Wednesday 10/23

Haim, IO Echo

(Neumos) The LA-raised Haim sisters, Este, Danielle, and Alana (along with boy drummer Dash Hutton), make extremely familiar, cooled-out, ’80s-style pop music that blends smooth R&B with inspirational Phil Collins, coked-up Fleetwood Mac, and choppy/ androgynous Annie Lennox. Start to finish, their hotly hyped debut full-length, Days Are Gone (out last month), is somewhat exhaustingly slick and deadpan for my sloppy taste, but I’ve heard their live show is a treat and the sisters let their literal and figurative hair down. Oh, and FYI, it rhymes with “time.” EMILY NOKES

Keep Shelly in Athens, Chad Valley (Barboza) Greek duo Keep Shelly in Athens sound a lot like many other American and English duos these days: They deploy distant, wispy female vocals (by Sarah P.) over gauzy, Day-Glo keyboard textures, and uncomplicated, unobtrusively danceable beats by . (We used to call this “chillwave” back in the night.) Everything seems to be coated in a sugary frost, and it comes off as manicured as exurban lawns. The appeal is understandable: Keep Shelly in Athens’s music makes you feel securely enwombed and sweetly anaesthetized. It provides a safe sort of escapism. DAVE SEGAL

Lamar Lofton Trio

(Vito’s) Lamar Lofton is a local bassist who received his advanced education in jazz from Cornish College of the Arts, has played in almost every venue in Seattle, worked for Seattle’s reggae master Clinton Fearon, and is a well-rounded human being.

Indeed, his style of playing cannot be separated from his personality, which is at times boisterous, always honest, never too confident or shy, and humorous. Lofton, who is tall and distinguished by his glasses, and who was featured in the A&P jazz section a year ago, has been in the business for more than two very productive decades. Indeed, a city is only a city if it can support a musician like Lofton.

CHARLES MUDEDE

Widowspeak, Pure Bathing Culture, Case Studies

(Chop Suey) I wonder how many albums, by how many different artists, have been recorded in our big green womb of rainy wilderness—in tiny damp cabins scattered throughout the Pacific Northwest. Case Studies’ latest record, This Is Another Life, released in June on Brooklyn label Sacred Bones, was born in a tiny rental cabin (with no running water or plumbing) in Sequim, Washington. The folkrock LP combines warm and hopeful instrumental sounds with the beautifully gloomy lyrics of former Duke (of Dutchess and the Duke) Jesse Lortz. He channels some of the majestic sadness that one sometimes feels while living in the rain shadow of the Olympic Mountains, not unlike a fellow named Steven Paul “Elliott” Smith once did, after living for some time in Portland, Oregon. KELLY O

Thursday 10/24

Bonobo, Grey Reverend (Showbox at the Market) See Data Breaker, page 67.

Blowpony, the Witches Titties (Highline) See the Homosexual Agenda, page 63.

Useless Eaters, Unnatural Helpers, Lindseys, Freak Vibe (Bogart’s) Thank god for Useless Eaters, who remind people that not everything that comes out of Tennessee is a Lumineers rip-off and/or country music (I mean, let’s hope you know that, but you’d be surprised how many others don’t—FOOLS). Useless Eaters play lo-fi and jangly new-wave-laced punk jams that will make you dance, but not too hard. In fact, they’ll make for a really nice comedown after Seattle’s own Unnatural Helpers get you shakin’ your hips so quickly you’ll have to make a physical therapy appointment on Monday. Ouch! But also, yes! MEGAN SELING

Scribes, Cam the Mac, DJ Swervewon, Leezy Soprano (Barboza) Seattle/LA angel-voiced rapper Scribes balances the rapping/singing thing pretty well with poetic lyrics and a knack for catchy hooks with R&B flair. This is one of two record-release parties (one here, one in LA) for his new EP SeaCal Drive, which includes the most tasteful song—titled “Backseat (New Ride)”—I’ve ever heard about a booty call in the back seat of a newly purchased vehicle, ladies choice. EMILY NOKES

The Shondes, Led to Sea, the Rainiers (High Dive) The Shondes are named after the Yiddish word meaning “shameful” or “disgrace,” and the outspoken queercore band may be the only musicians I know who embrace Jewish radicalism

COFFEE, SPIRITS, AND MUSIC

to write political songs influenced by Jewish liturgy, riot grrrl, punk, and folk. Their set is full of energetic punk songs, punctuated by unexpected bursts of violin over the raucous vocals of bassist/ singer Louisa Solomon. Although the NYC-based group has been around since 2006, they have recently gotten a bump in attention for their newest release, The Garden, from Entertainment Weekly, Rolling Stone, and Spin. Also on the bill is Led to Sea, the solo project of NW treasure Alex Guy, who has played violin/viola on records by Xiu Xiu, the Dead Science, the Pharmacy, and Parenthetical Girls. BREE MCKENNA

Friday 10/25

Night of the LTD: Kingdom Crumbs, OCnotes, Jarv Dee, ILLFIGHTYOU, DJ Suspence, El Mizell (Neptune) See Stranger Suggests, page 27 and My Philosophy, page 53.

Thee Samedi, Vex, Orange King, Drug Problems, Bad Noids (Hollow Earth Radio) See Underage, page 65.

Motorheadz Supergroup, Cinkrillian Weight, HOM, RMS (Lo-Fi Performance Gallery) See Data Breaker, page 67.

Roy Hargrove Quintet (Jazz Alley) See Saturday.

Hobosexual

(Easy Street Records) Earlier this month Seattle’s monster-rock duo Hobosexual celebrated the release of their second full-length, II. The rock-androll concept album is about a BMX gang in 2071 (sexy!), and while it’s technically about the future, it’s also about the past, musically achieving the same boisterous attitude and energy as some of the cockiest of cocky ’70s and ’80s rockers, with driving guitar riffs and pummeling drumming. While the CD has been in stores for a couple weeks (and the number one selling local release at Easy Street

Records), tonight Hobosexual will be, for the first time, selling “extremely limited edition individually foil numbered” vinyl copies of the record. Get it while the gettin’s good. MEGAN SELING

Wolvserpent, Addaura, A Story of Rats (Highline) Straight out of Boise, Idaho, Wolvserpent purvey a very serious strain of stark folk and noisy goth rock, informed by minimalist composition and apparitional drones. At times on their recent album, Perigea Antahkarana (average track length: 20 minutes), Blake Green’s distant, guttural male vocals undergird a remorseless guitar turbulence that makes you understand why Relapse Records signed Wolvserpent. At others, the duo (which includes Brittany McConnell) seem to have infiltrated the conservatory with mournful, string-laden airs that seek to out-haunt Dead Can Dance. Kindred Seattle spirits A Story of Rats—who also forge long pieces that embrace gothic folk and epic, grave drones—open. DAVE SEGAL

Kingdom of the Holy Sun, Magic Castles, Cabana (Rendezvous) Brian Jonestown Massacre almost have become the Velvet Underground of 21st-century psych rock, in that legions of musicians who’ve heard them have gone out and formed bands similar in style to BJM. Mark down Magic Castles as another group that owes a bucketful of gratitude to Anton Newcombe and company. What that means is Magic Castles dip their toes into two of their mentor’s main, acid-laced styles: mellow, tuneful strum-alongs and meandering amoeba rides to the center of your lava lamp. These they execute with poise, if not blinding distinctiveness. But then again, Brian Jonestown Massacre are essentially an artful amalgamation of myriad canonical ’60s and ’70s rock bands’ elements, too. Ersatz all, folks.

DAVE SEGAL

Saturday 10/26

Hand of Doom, At the Spine, Thunderpouch, Maiden Seattle (Rendezvous) Running across a truly awesome trib-

ute band is rare. For every solid Led Zeppelin cover band, there are easily another 15 to 20 terrible-tosubpar Bon Jovi, Deep Purple, and Kiss tribute bands murking up sports bars on any given night—many of which are located in Everett or Kent. Hand of Doom, Seattle’s premiere Black Sabbath tribute band (both in sound and image), are undoubtedly a cut above the rest, replicating metal’s forefathers flawlessly. Iron Maiden cover band Maiden Seattle is opening, so show up early for a double dose of classic UK metal by way of the Northwest. KEVIN DIERS

Roy Hargrove Quintet (Jazz Alley) One of the things I admire about the talented jazz trumpeter Roy Hargrove is not so much his strong sense of musical history but that he places great weight on technical mastery. Now, as much as I think music technology has never changed for the worse, and as much as I support the innovations of hiphop production, I can never truly part with the feeling that jazz is a high form of art because it demands a kind of technical sophistication and knowledge that takes years to

Fri Oct 25 - Halloween Costume Party w/ All New Material (punk tribute), Curse of the Black Tongue, Regional Faction

Sat Oct 26 - Halloween Costume Party #2 w/ Suburban Vermin + guests

10.24 Thursday (Phish Tribute)

SHAFTY - Portland’s Tribute to PHISH 2 sets, no openers w/ “Kurodaesque Light Show”

$7 adv / $10 dos, 7pm doors, 21+

10.25 Friday (Reggae) KORE IONZ

With New Kingston, DJ Kid Hops

$10adv / $12 Doors, 8pm, 21+

10.26 Saturday (80s Tribute Halloween Party) Nectar and Showbox Present: Best 80’s HALLOWEEN Party Ever...(So Far) featuring live 80’s New Wave music from NITE WAVE

For details visit www.nectarlounge.com

$10 adv/$12 dos, doors 8pm, 21+

10.27

Hour!

Thu Oct 31 - Tim’s Tavern Scary-oke! Get ghoulish and wear your most horrifying and original costumes! Prizes will be awarded for the scariest and most creative. Stick around for the Spooky Sing-Off and devilishly delightful drink specials!! 8-close NECTAR LOUNGE 412

ANI DIFRANCO

learn. Meaning, I can understand a professor of jazz but never a professor of R&B. Hargrove knows his instrument and knows the world he lives in, and though he has worked with rappers and soul singers, he has clearly never broken with the jazz conservatism of Wynton Marsalis—one of the greatest musicians of the 20th century. CHARLES MUDEDE

Sunday 10/27

Maria Minerva, Cherushii, YourYoungBody (Chop Suey) See Data Breaker, page 67

Roy Hargrove Quintet (Jazz Alley) See Saturday.

Flatbush Zombies, Bodega Bamz (Crocodile) New York’s Flatbush Zombies (Meechy Darko, Zombie Juice, and Erick Arc Elliot, the last of whom also handles most of the group’s production) have a lot going for them. Their dark, drugged-up, eyes-rolled-back aesthetic and highly “rebloggable” streetwear fashion sense have made them one of the most buzzed/tweeted/ Tumblr’d-about new rap groups on the internet, but their music has mostly been a mere sidenote to this popularity. And though their latest effort, BetterOffDEAD, is a definite improvement from their lackluster debut, D.R.U.G.S., it still sounds like a distilled, less-talented version of Tech N9ne or a Gravediggaz-type Wu-affiliate. Unless you’re a teenager or brand-new rap fan, Flatbush Zombies will likely have you reminiscing on the time when New York rappers started trends instead of chasing them. MIKE RAMOS See also My Philosophy, page 53.

Monday 10/28

Kevin Devine and the Goddamn Band, Now, Now, Harrison Hudson (Vera) See Underage, page 65.

Tuesday 10/29

Lo There Do I See My Brother, He Whose Ox Is Gored, A Province of Thay, Witch Ripper (Vera) Speaking of music that scares the shit out of us (see pg. 23), this show is packed with tunes that’ll terrify you. Seattle’s He Whose Ox Is Gored sound like a rock band started by the ghosts that haunt our basements and attics. They’re trying to communicate their reason for sticking around through gazey, doomy instrumental songs. So spooky. As I’m sure you could tell by the name, Witch Ripper also deliver a perfect pre-Halloween party soundtrack. If you’re a fan of Neurosis and/ or Mastodon, Witch Ripper will make your ears bleed with delight, as they combine some of the breathtaking moments of Neurosis with punishing stoner rock. MEGAN SELING

Tangerine, Maiah Manser, Lures

(Barboza) Local four-piece Tangerine (powered by sisters Marika and Miro Justad, with Toby Kuhn and Ryan Baker) make soulful pop with sprinklings of hazy Camera Obscura elements, or girlgroup throwback masters like the Carrots, or hell, maybe even a little Bananarama “Cruel Summer,” for good measure. The press release for this Halloween-eve-eve show says costumes are encouraged, and I’m seconding that encouragement! But my advice would be to wear something you can easily dance in—or slow-dance in—because you’re going to be doing a lot of that, and you don’t want to arrive in your clunky Iron Man 3 costume expecting to get wild. EMILY NOKES

Mallethead Series

(Meany Hall) Acclaimed percussionist Alex Acuña, known for his work with Weather Report, is joined by University of Washington percussion studies chair Thomas Collier, bassist Dan Dean, and pianist Don Grusin in a program of original works for percussion ensemble. JEN GRAVES

CRYSTAL BALL READING ROOM

COMING UP: 11/9 BARSUK 15 11/10 A$AP FERG 11/14 RA SCION 11/15 OBITS 11/16 RAVENNA WOODS 11/17 CULTS 11/18 MELLOWHIGH 11/19 BIG FREEDIA 11/20 BILL CALLAHAN 11/22 MONSTER MAGNET 11/23 WIRE 11/27 NIGHTMARES ON WAX 11/29 NADASTROM 11/30 SANDRIDER 12/6 EL TEN ELEVEN 12/13 PERE UBU 12/14 THE MOONDOGGIES + THE MALDIVES 12/20 DEEP SEA DIVER 12/21 ROSE WINDOWS 12/27 & 12/28 BUILT TO SPILL 12/30 & 12/31 STRFKR 1/17 TRIBAL SEEDS 1/22 DARKSIDE 4/17 GODFLESH

COMING UP: 10/29 TANGERINE 10/30 GOLDROOM 11/1 WHITE LUNG 11/2 RUBBLEBUCKET 11/3 STRANGE TALK 11/4 JEF SHOCKI AND THE WORKFORCE 11/5 LUKE RAIN 11/6 RAC 11/10 DIEGO GARCIA 11/12 CROCODILES 11/13 JILLETTE JOHNSON 11/14 CATALDO 11/15 THOSE DARLINS 11/17 THUNDERCAT 11/18 DALEY 11/19 PAPA 11/20 NOBUNNY 11/21 EARTH 11/22 SHELBY EARL 11/23 PAWS 11/24 MIKEY DAVIS 11/29 PINK BEAD 12/1 BRENDAN CANNING 12/3 BRENDAN CANNING

HOMETOWN FREAK SHOW

pm, $33

PIES & PINTS Live Rotating Bands: Guests, 8:30 pm

PINK DOOR Casey MacGill & the Blue 4 Trio, 8 pm

RENDEZVOUS Laura Ganci, Absent, Crystal Fuzz

SEAMONSTER Rippin Chicken, 10 pm, free SHIP CANAL GRILL The Canteloupes Jazz Jam, 7:30 pm

a SHOWBOX AT THE MARKET David Nail, Brothers Osborne, 8 pm, $17.50/$20

a SHOWBOX SODO Walk the Moon, 8 pm, $20/$22

SUNSET TAVERN Braids, Hundred Waters

The Bend, Poverty Bay, 8 pm, $5

99 Little Ray and the Uppercuts, 8 pm, $5 JAZZ ALLEY Ginger Banker’s Jazz Confusion, $30.50 NECTAR Las Cafeteras, the Cumbieros, 8 pm, $7 a NEUMOS Haim, 8 pm, sold out NEW ORLEANS Legacy Band, Clarence Acox OHANA Live Island Music PARAMOUNT THEATRE Empire of the Sun, 7:30

TRACTOR TAVERN Dave Alvin, Chris Smither, Peter Case, 8 pm, $25

TULA’S Frank Kohl Quartet, 7:30 pm, $10

VITO’S RESTAURANT & LOUNGE Lamar Lofton Trio, the Tarantellas, 6 pm

DJ

BALTIC ROOM Crunk: DJ Henski, Marty Mar, Blue Eyed Soul, Bgeezy, guests

CONTOUR Rotation Tryouts: Guests

THE EAGLE VJDJ Andy J

ELECTRIC TEA GARDEN Passage: Jayms Nylon, Joey Webb, guests

HAVANA SoulShift: Peter Evans, Devlin Jenkins, Richard Everhard, $1

LAST SUPPER CLUB Vibe

Wednesday: Jame$Ervin, DT, Contagious

LAVA LOUNGE Mod Fuck Explosion: DJ Deutscher Meister

MOE BAR The Hump: DJ Darwin, DJ Swervewon, guests, 10:30 pm, free

NEIGHBOURS Undergrad: Guest DJs, 18+, $5/$8

Q NIGHTCLUB All Bands on Decks: C-Leb and the Kettle

Black SEE SOUND LOUNGE Fade: DJ Chinkyeye, DJ Christyle, 10 pm

THURS

10/24

LIVE a 88 KEYS Halloween Horror Night: First Degree the D.E., Blue Nose Music, Beanz & Rise, Awall, $15

AQUA BY EL GAUCHO Ben

ELI THE UNEMPLOYED ZOMBIE

What’s a zombie, cut from season 4 of The Walking Dead, supposed to do with all his newfound free time, now that’s he’s on funemployment? For starters, he should put on his best baby-blue tuxedo, hit the town, and find himself a pretty lady. He should be careful, though, ’cause lady zombies can drink a lot of booze. Hundreds of dollars’ worth of martinis! They eat a lot, too. Man, all they want to do is eat, eat, eat. Zombies aren’t cheap dates. To be honest, they’re even what some people call “high maintenance.” KELLY O

Fleck, 6 pm

BARBOZA Scribes, Cam the Mac, DJ Swervewon, Leezy Soprano, 8 pm, $7

BLUE MOON TAVERN

Breag Naofa, Gladiators Eat Fire , X Suns, A Province of Thay, $5

BOGART’S Useless

Eaters, Unnatural Helpers, Lindseys, Freak Vibe, 9:30 pm, $6

CAFE RACER the Guardians , the Moonspinners

CAN CAN Vince Mira

CHAPEL PERFORMANCE

SPACE Earshot Jazz Festival: Syrinx Effect, Naomi Siegel Quartet, 8 pm, $5-$15

COLUMBIA CITY THEATER

King Tears Bat Trip, Pinkish, Burn List, 8 pm, $10/$12

CONOR BYRNE Science!, Robert Deeble , Natalie Quist , $7

CROCODILE Ms. Mr., Wildcat! Wildcat!, 8 pm, $13

DARRELL’S TAVERN

Ian Jones & the Fremont Whiskey Team, Burly Mountain, $5

DISTRICT LOUNGE Cassia

DeMayo Quintet, 8 pm, free EL CORAZON Capsula, the Vandies, $8/$10

a EMPTY SEA STUDIOS

David Brewer, John Weed, Stuart Mason, 7 pm, $14/$18

FREMONT ABBEY Chuck Prophet, Lincoln Barr

a GUAYMAS CANTINA

Oleaje Flamenco, 8 pm, free

HARD ROCK CAFE Direct Divide, the Reaching , the Wiled, 8 pm, $5

HIGH DIVE The Shondes, Led to Sea, the Rainiers, 8 pm, $6

HIGHLINE Blowpony, the Witches Titties, guests, $10

HIGHWAY 99 Deems, 8 pm, $7

JAZZ ALLEY Roy Hargrove Quintet, $26.50

LITTLE RED HEN Buckaroosters, $3

LUCID The Hang: Caffeine, 9:30 pm, free

MEANY HALL University Symphony, 7:30 pm, $15

NECTAR Shafty, 8 pm, $10

NEPTUNE THEATRE Gov’t Mule, 7:30 pm, $31.50/$35

NEUMOS Godflesh, Prurient, Nails, House of Low Culture, 8 pm, $25

PINK DOOR Bric-a-Brac,

8 pm

THE ROYAL ROOM

Jovino Santos Neto , the Expanded Correo Aereo Project, 7 pm

SCARLET TREE How Now Brown Cow , 9:30 pm, free a SHOWBOX AT THE MARKET Bonobo, 8 pm, $20/$25

SLIM’S LAST CHANCE Sir Coyler, King County Queens

SUNSET TAVERN Us on Roofs , Winnebago, $6

TRACTOR TAVERN Elephant Revival, $15

TULA’S Sarah Slonim, 7:30 pm, $15

VITO’S RESTAURANT & LOUNGE Kaylee Cole, Casey MacGill, 5:30 pm, free

THE WHITE RABBIT Marmalade, $6

DJ

BALLROOM DJ Rob, free

BALTIC ROOM Revolution:

DonnaTella Howe, Olivia LaGarce, guests

THE EAGLE Nasty: DJ King of Pants, Nark

HAVANA Sophisticated Mama: DJ Sad Bastard, DJ Nitty Gritty

LAVA LOUNGE Rock DJs: Guests

NEIGHBOURS Jet Set Thursdays: Guest DJs

NEIGHBOURS UNDERGROUND The Lowdown: DJ Lightray, $3

OHANA Chill: DJ MS SEE SOUND LOUNGE

FRIDAY

SUNDAY

ECLECTIC APPROACH: COSTUME PARTY

James Redfern, Redwood Son, Goodnight Argent 21+ SATURDAY

BollyGrooves Presents BOLLYWOOD ANNUAL HALLOWEEN BASH DJ Aanshul, DJ Vinit 21+

The Crocodile & ReignCity present: Better Off Dead Tour FLATBUSH ZOMBIES

Bodega Bamz, Kung Foo Grip All Ages

Mark Pickerel and His Praying Hands All Ages

Underdog Sports Leagues Presents HALLOWEEN BASH 21+

Singers and instrumentalists from Inner Mongolia dig deep into Mongolian traditions and unearth forgotten musical

Camp Lo, Porter Ray, Supreme La Rock All Ages SATURDAY 2

POLYRHYTHMICS & PICOSO

DJ Chilly 21+

Thursday Nov. 7th ERIC ANDRE SHOW LIVE! Thursday Dec. 12th MIDLAKE UP & COMING EVERY TUESDAY LIQUID COURAGE KARAOKE

The Crocodile & ReignCity Present PETE ROCK AND CL SMOOTH REUNION TOUR

11/2 FRED WILDLIFE REFUGE GLASSER 11/8 CASS MCCOMBS 11/9 THE FRATELLIS

11/12 THE BESNARD LAKES 11/14 TURQUOISE JEEP 11/15 THE POLISH AMBASSADOR

11/16 LATYRX 11/21 THE MEAT PUPPETS 11/22 HELMET 11/23 BAND OF HEATHENS

12/19 SALLIE FORD & THE SOUND OUTSIDE 12/26 WAX 1/17 WOODEN SHJIPS Friday Jan. 24th PATTERSON HOOD

11/26 JON HOPKINS 11/30 VINTAGE REGGAE NIGHT 12/3 CHURCH OF MISERY, SAVIOURS, WIZARD RIFLE 12/4 MOWGLI’S 12/05 LISSIE 12/10 JAKE MILLER 12/13 & 12/14 PICKWICK

Damn Son: DJ Flave, Sativa Sound System, Jameson Just, Tony Goods, $5 after 10:30 pm

THERAPY LOUNGE DUH.: DJ Omar, guests

TRINITY Space Thursdays: Rise Over Run, DJ Christyle, Johnny Fever, DJ Nicon, Sean Majors, B Geezy, guests, free FRI

10/25

LIVE

AQUA BY EL GAUCHO Ben Fleck, 6 pm

BARBOZA Feverton, 6 pm, $7

BLUE MOON TAVERN The Springboards

BOGART’S Head, Thee Sgt. Major III , Spy Device , $5

CAFE RACER Twins, Stalebirth, Funky Fotos, Geological Creep

COLUMBIA CITY THEATER Wages of Sin, Bottlenose Koffins, $10/$12

CONOR BYRNE Cloud Person , Lowlands, Lanford Black, $8

CROCODILE Eclectic Approach Costume Party: James Redfern, Redwood Son, Goodnight Argent, 8 pm, $10

DARRELL’S TAVERN The Modern Relics, Palatine Ave, Fredd Luongo, $7

a EASY STREET

RECORDS Hobosexual free a EL CORAZON Electric Children, WMD, guests, 8 pm, $8/$10

EMPTY SEA STUDIOS Misner & Smith, 8 pm, $12/$15

HEARTLAND Upside Drown, Night Cadet, Lovers Without Borders, 8 pm

HIGH DIVE Good For You, 9:30 pm, $8

HIGHLINE Wolvserpent, Addaura, A Story of Rats, 8 pm, $10

HIGHWAY 99 Kalimba Band, 8 pm, $17

a HOLLOW EARTH

RADIO Thee Samedi , the

Vexx, Orange King, Drug

Problems, Bad Noids

JAZZ ALLEY Roy Hargrove Quintet, $26.50

KIRKLAND PERFORMANCE

CENTER Damon Buxton

LITTLE RED HEN Dirty Shame, $5

LO-FI Motorheadz Supergroup, Cinkrillian Weight

NECTAR Kore Ionz, New Kingston, DJ Kid Hops, 8 pm, $10

a NEUMOS Cocorosie, 8 pm, $25

PARAGON Levi Said, free

PONCHO CONCERT HALL

Earshot Jazz Festival: Nicole Mitchell Ice Crystal Quartet, 8 pm, $11-$22

RAVIOLI STATION

TRAINWRECK Dizzy, guests

RENDEZVOUS Kingdom of the Holy Sun , Magic Castles, Cabana, 10 pm a THE ROYAL ROOM Piano Royale, 5:30 pm, Steve Treseler Group, 8 pm, $8-$16

SEAMONSTER Funky 2 Death, 10 pm, free SHOWBOX AT THE MARKET Okkervil River, $20/$22

SLIM’S LAST CHANCE Baby Gramps

STUDIO SEVEN Rorschach Test, Sausage Slapper, $10/$13

SUNSET TAVERN Two Cow Garage, Jackrabbit, 10 pm, $10

TIM’S TAVERN Halloween Party: Curse of the Black Tongue, guests, Curse of the Black Tongue, All New Material, guests

TOWN HALL Lake Union

Civic Orchestra, 7 pm

TULA’S Stephanie Porter Quartet, 7:30 pm, $15

a VERA PROJECT Clara C, Aijia, 7 pm, $15

VITO’S RESTAURANT & LOUNGE 4th Annual ER Costume Crawl: The Yada Yada Blues Band, the Pornadoes

WAMU THEATER FreakNight 2013: Dillon Francis, Dirtyphonics, Claude

Vonstroke, Boys Noize, and many more, $160-$300 for two-day passes

THE WHITE RABBIT We Already Signed: Guests, $5/$7

DJ

95 SLIDE DJ Fever One

BALLROOM DJ Tamm of KISS fm

BALMAR Body Movin’ Fridays: DJ Ben Meadow, free BALTIC ROOM Dirty Work:

Rotating DJs including Sean Majors, BGeezy, Mikey Mars, Sir Kuts, guests

BARBOZA Just Got Paid: 100proof, $5 after 11:30 pm

CHOP SUEY Halloween

Booootie: A Plus D, DJ

Freddy King of Pants, guests, $10 before 10 pm/$15 after CONTOUR Afterhours, 2 am

CUFF C&W Dancing: DJ Harmonix, DJ Stacey, 7 pm; TGIF: Guest DJs, 11 pm, $5 FUEL DJ Headache, guests

HAVANA Rotating DJs: DV One, Soul One, Curtis, Nostalgia B, Sean Cee, $5

LAST SUPPER CLUB

Madness: Guests

LAVA LOUNGE DJ David James

NEIGHBOURS UNDERGROUND Caliente

Celebra: DJ Polo, Efren

OHANA Back to the Day: DJ Estylz

RE-BAR TRIBAL!: Rob Noble, Michael Manahan, Guest DJs, 10 pm, $10

SCARLET TREE Oh So Fresh Fridays: Deejay Tone, DJ

Buttnaked, guests

SEE SOUND LOUNGE Nightmare on EDM Street: J. Quest, E.N.D., Jame$ Ervin, Nickolay Cloud, guests, free before 10:30 pm

THERAPY LOUNGE Rapture: Guests, $3 after 11 pm

TRINITY Tyler, DJ Phase, DJ Nug, guests, $10

THE WOODS Deep/Funky/

Disco/House: Guest DJs

THURSDAY 10/24

THE WITCHES TITTIES, DARK ARTS

Feel that? It’s Halloween creepy-crawling up your leg. And isn’t it simply scrumptious? Indeed. Especially for us big gays, who do seem to go ever so frickin’ bonkers for the unholy holiday. Goodness knows that I usually start celebrating in June and pitter off around Thanksgiving sometime, but this year we’re all are going to start celebrating a bit early—tonight to be exact!—with some of the most darksome, delightful, and talented witches I know (and, baby, that’s saying something). You might recall that last year I introduced you to Kook Teflon, a true Renaissance witch who wears a lot of (pointy) hats: She’s an artist, a guide for Pike Place Market Ghost Tours, and, most importantly here, lead witch in the witchy witchcore band the Witches Titties! The Titties will be witching it up in their singular grinding/throbbing/punkrock sort of way tonight with a few very

SAT 10/26

LIVE

AQUA BY EL GAUCHO Ben

Fleck, 6 pm

BALMAR Rotating DJ Night: Guests, 9:30 pm

BARBOZA Kodaline, Diane Birch, 7:30 pm, $13/$15

BLUE MOON TAVERN

Sweet Jesus , Kingswood Estate, $6

CAFE RACER The Winterlings

CHAPEL PERFORMANCE

SPACE Earshot Jazz Festival: Beth Fleenor, 8 pm, $5-$15

CONOR BYRNE The Gloria

Darlins, Tallboys, Gin Jars

DARRELL’S TAVERN

Swindler, Soul Finger, the Wordsmith, $7

a EL CORAZON Moneta

Crooked Veils, Kight, 7:30 pm, $10/$12; Into the Flood, the Ongoing Concept, 8 pm, $10/$12

EMP Pulse: The Ultimate Halloween Bash: Brand X, DJ Funkdaddy, $39-$250

EMPTY SEA STUDIOS Leo MacNamara, 8 pm, $15/$18

FADO Scared Stiff: Junior on the Prowl, free

HEARTLAND CAFE & BENBOW ROOM Tacoma Finish, F-Holes , Vigilante Justice

HIGH DIVE Black Nite Crash , Tokyoidaho, Souvenir Driver, the Purrs, $8

HIGHLINE Noise-a-tron, Mico De Noche, $6

HIGHWAY 99 Sugaray Rayford, Kevin Selfe and the Tornadoes, 8 pm, $17

JAZZ ALLEY Roy Hargrove Quintet, $26.50

NECTAR The Best ’80s Halloween Party Ever (So Far): Nite Wave, DJ Indica Jones, 8 pm, $10/$12

a NEPTUNE THEATRE Two Door Cinema Club, $27.50 a NEUMOS The 1975, 8 pm, $15

PARAGON Solbird, free

PARAMOUNT THEATRE

Sarah Brightman, 8 pm

special guests, including Raja, winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race season 3, our own dearly beloved hometown freak show, Jackie Hell, and the amazing dark artist and performer from New Orleans, Vinsantos (I spent last Halloween with him in his very scary haunted studio on Rampart Street in old N’awlins—I’m still a little terrified). There will be guest DJs from all over the damn place and (ironically) live performances. A carnival of dark delights! I encourage you to be afraid—very, very afraid. Highline, 9 pm, $5, 21+.

FRIDAY 10/25

‘FRIDAY THE 13TH,’ LIVE AND EFFED UP

Ian Bell is a crazazy brilliant man (emphasis on the crazazy), a mad comedic mastermind (emphasis on the mad), and his Brown Derby series is one of the universe’s very best things: always a hit and never failing with the funny. Tonight, in support of our Halloweenie pursuits, he and his merry band of devils bring us the classic age-old morality play that’s known as Friday the 13th, but all live and spoofed up, Brown Derby–style. (I can hear the fart jokes now.) If you can manage to not drink, smoke, or get laid somehow, you might just make it out alive. So, you know. Rest in peace. Re-bar, 8 pm, $17, 21+, Oct 24–26

WITH DJ JAKE SHEARS

THURSDAY, OCT 31 9PM - LATE NEIGHBOURS NIGHTCLUB

THURSDAY, OCT 31 9PM - LATE NEIGHBOURS NIGHTCLUB

PHINNEY CENTER Brother Sun, 7:30 pm

QUEEN CITY GRILL Faith Beattie, Bayly, Totusek, Guity, free

RENDEZVOUS Hand of Doom, At the Spine Thunderpouch, Maiden Seattle, 9:30 pm, $10

THE ROYAL ROOM The Schimscheimer Family Trio, New Radios

SEAMONSTER Role One, 10 pm, free

SHIP CANAL GRILL Eugenie Jones, 8:30 pm

SLIM’S LAST CHANCE Gunn & the Damage Done

STUDIO SEVEN Spiderface, HadesMachine, White City Graves , guests, 7 pm, $12

SUNSET TAVERN Dudley Manlove Quartet, 10 pm, $10

TIM’S TAVERN Halloween Party: 9 Lb Beaver Suburban Vermin, Wolfsblood, guests

TOWN HALL Patricia Barber, Patrick Mulcahy, Ross Pederson, 8 pm, $13-$35

TRACTOR TAVERN

Supersuckers, Hellbound Glory, the Shivering Denizens, 9:30 pm, $15

TULA’S Tom Collier, 7:30 pm, $15

UW KANE HALL Littlefield Organ Series: Halloween Organ Concert, 7:30 pm, $15

a VERA PROJECT Con Bro Chill, Cherub, Mansions on the Moon, 7:30 pm, $11

VITO’S RESTAURANT & LOUNGE Ruby Bishop, 6 pm

WAMU THEATER FreakNight

2013: Dillon Francis, Dirtyphonics, Claude Vonstroke, Boys Noize, and many more, $160-$300 for two-day passes

THE WHITE RABBIT

Prehumanity, Mixed Messages, Jose Fang , 8 pm, $8

DJ BALLROOM DJ Warren

BALTIC ROOM Good Saturdays: Guest DJs

BARBOZA Inferno: Guests, 10:30 pm, free before 11:30 pm/$5 after CHOP SUEY Talcum: Gene

Balk, Mike “Mooseknuckle” Nipper, Marc Muller, Mike Chrietzberg, Last 9 pm, $5

CONTOUR Europa Night:

Misha Grin, Gil

CROCODILE Bollywood

Halloween Bash: DJ Aanshul, DJ Vinit, $8

CUFF Bliss: DJ Harmonix

ELECTRIC TEA GARDEN Shameless

FRED WILDLIFE REFUGE

Freak Like Me: DJ Hyro, guests, $5/$10

FREMONT STUDIOS Bonza

Bash Halloween 2013

Masquerade Costume Ball: DJ Gigahurtz, $40-$295

HAVANA Rotating DJs: DV One, Soul One, Curtis, Nostalgia B, Sean Cee, $5

LAST SUPPER CLUB

Jagermeister’s Official Halloween Bash: J. Quest, Kryspin, Joey Roxville, Austin Payne, Jordan Hooks, $10/$20

LAVA LOUNGE DJ Matt

LO-FI TRUST: The Final Edition: Kid Hops, Justice, Treasure, $10

MOE BAR Panther Down: DJ N8, Anthony Diamond, free

NEIGHBOURS Powermix: DJ Randy Schlager

NEIGHBOURS UNDERGROUND Club

Vogue: DJ Chance, DJ Eternal

Darkness

OHANA Funk House: DJ Bean One

PONY Stiffed: DJ Pavone

RE-BAR Cherry: Amateur Youth , Mathematix, 10 pm, $5/$7 after 11 pm

SEE SOUND LOUNGE Guest

DJs

SHOWBOX AT THE MARKET

Risque Halloween Party: DJ

Mack-Long, J Battle, guests, 8 pm, $30.50/$65

TRINITY ((SUB)): Guy, VSOP, Jason Lemaitre, guests, $15/free before 10 pm

THE WOODS Hiphop/R&B/ Funk/Soul/Disco: Guest DJs

SUN 10/27

LIVE AQUA BY EL GAUCHO Ben Fleck, 6 pm

BARBOZA Leagues, Kye Kye, 8 pm, $10

BLUE MOON TAVERN The Bokonomists, Caleb and Walter

CAFE RACER The Racer

Sessions

CENTURY BALLROOM Valse Cafe Orchestra, 1 pm

CHOP SUEY Maria Minerva, Cherushii, YourYoungBody, 8 pm, $10/$12

CROCODILE Flatbush Zombies, Bodega Bamz, 8 pm, $13

EMPTY SEA STUDIOS

Eli Conley & the Hip For Squares, Hitch the Pony, 7 pm, $12/$15 a GREAT HALL Seattle Festival Orchestra, 2 pm, $20

HIGH DIVE Fast Romantics, Melville, 8 pm, $6

JAI THAI BROADWAY Rock Bottom Soundsystem, free JAZZ ALLEY Roy Hargrove Quintet, $26.50

KELL’S Liam Gallagher

LITTLE RED HEN Davanos, $3, guests, 4 pm

NECTAR Ali Spagnola, 6 pm, $5

NEUMOS Au Revoir Simone, 8 pm, $15

PIES & PINTS Sunday Night Folk Review: Guests, free

PONCHO CONCERT HALL

Earshot Jazz Festival: Lucian Ban, Mat Maneri, 8 pm, $9-$18

THE ROYAL ROOM Conjunto Rovira, 8 pm, $12/$15

SHIP CANAL GRILL Jay Thomas, Sun, noon

STUDIO SEVEN Eidola, the Further, No Choice, guests, 6 pm, $6/$8

SUNSET TAVERN Burning Lamps, Window View, Shakey Blankets, 8 pm, $6

TRACTOR TAVERN Young Dubliners, the Bog Hoppers, 8 pm, $15

TULA’S Elnah Jordan, 3 pm, $10, Jim Cutler Jazz Orchestra, 8 pm, $8

BY JACKSON HATHORN

FRIDAY 10/25

THEE SAMEDI, VEX, ORANGE KING, DRUG PROBLEM, BAD NOIDS

Orange King might not have taken their name from the U-District burger/teriyaki joint, but damn if they don’t both overpower your senses with their heavy amalgamations. With the band, you get a potent serving of noise rock that’s brought to life with droning guitars, walloping drums, and sprightly experimental flourishes. The vocals often emerge as withdrawn, but can quickly take you by the ears with some emotive, highpitched screams. Whereas Orange King the restaurant has been ubiquitous for generations of Ave denizens, Orange King the band is only just now drawing attention. They’ll be celebrating the release of their new EP tonight. Elsewhere

VITO’S RESTAURANT & LOUNGE Ruby Bishop, 6 pm; the Ron Weinstein Trio, 9:30 pm

THE WHITE RABBIT

Compass Points North, Folkstar, 8 pm, $6

DJ

BALTIC ROOM Mass:

Guest DJs

CONTOUR Broken Grooves:

DJ Venus, Rob Cravens, guests, free

THE EAGLE T-Bar/T-Dance:

Up Above, Fistfight, free a FULL TILT ICE CREAM

Vinyl Appreciation Night:

Guest DJs, 7 pm

HIGHLINE Devils Night

Masquerade Ball: DJ TNT Enigma, $10

LAVA LOUNGE No Come

Down: Jimi Crash

MOE BAR Chocolate

Sundays: Sosa, MarsONE, Phosho, free

NEIGHBOURS Noche Latina: Guest DJs

PONY TeaDance: DJ El Toro, Freddy King of Pants, 4 pm

Q NIGHTCLUB Revival: Riz Rollins, Chris Tower, 3 pm, free

RE-BAR Flammable: DJ

Wesley Holmes, 9 pm

SEE SOUND LOUNGE Salsa:

DJ Nick

THE STEPPING STONE PUB

Vinyl Night: You bring your records, they play them

MON

10/28

LIVE AQUA BY EL GAUCHO Jerry

Frank

BLUE MOON TAVERN Andy Coe Band, 9 pm, free

CHOP SUEY Imaginary Lines, Half Kingdom, Goodbye Heart, Little Birds, 8 pm, $7

COASTAL KITCHEN Pork Chop Trio, 9:30 pm, free CROCODILE The Sadies, Mark Pickerel and His Praying Hands, 8 pm, $12

a EL CORAZON Outlaw

Nation, guests, 8 pm, $10/$12

KELL’S Liam Gallagher

on this bill you will find Thee Samedi young masters of rickety bayou freak jams, alongside the caterwauling Oly punks Vex, and two mind-altering bands from Cleveland: Drug Problem and Bad Noids Hollow Earth Radio, 9 pm, $5–$7.

MONDAY 10/28

KEVIN DEVINE AND THE GODDAMN BAND, NOW, NOW, HARRISON HUDSON

On the night of November 6, 2012, election results gave way to partying in the streets of Seattle, as President Obama won a second term, and both marijuana and same-sex marriage became legal in Washington State. Almost a year later, you will be hard-pressed to find anything in politics worth celebrating, but a punk troubadour like Kevin Devine is well-suited for this moment. With two new Kickstarter-backed albums out this month, Bulldozer and Bubblegum, Devine can sound sweet even as he sings turbulent songs of strife. Wounded and barbed lyrics often give way to emphatic choruses that are made for singing along to, with rollicking and zigzagging guitars that never let up. It’s ideal music for digging in, honing your anger, and finding resolve in the most perilous times. Joining Devine and his Goddamn Band at the Vera Project tonight are Now, Now, a doleful pop band that sounds right at home on Chris Walla’s Trans- label, and the slick Nashville alterna-crooner Harrison Hudson Vera Project, 7:30 pm, $13/$12 with club card.

$8/9:30PM

$8/9PM

$6/8PM

Thursday, Oct 24th - Saturday, Oct 26th

SEAN KENT

Sean Kent, a former winner of the Seattle International Comedy Competition, is currently starring on A&E’s “Modern Dads.” Unlike his Mr. Nice-Guy TV image, Sean’s stand-up comedy is cutting edge. He truly follows in the Lenny Bruce tradition. He’ll have the audience thinking about heading for the hills but they’ll be too captivated to go anywhere.

XM Radio has dubbed his full-length CD, “Sex, Drugs and Politics,” “An Instant Classic!” It gets a lot of air time but there’s nothing like seeing a comedian live in an intimate setting with a full-service bar and friendly waitresses. e , g

MELROSE VINYL MARKET CLOSING SALE!

V I N Y L

S A L E ! ! !

MELROSE VINYL MARKET CLOSING SALE!

10-50% OFF THROUGHOUT THE STORE. NEW/USED VINYL.

$10 SILKSC R EENED ROCK POSTERS. OUR FINAL DAY WILL BE SUNDAY, OCTOBER 27TH.

1525 MELROSE AVE (BETWEEN PIKE/PINE)

NEUMOS Bernhoft, 8 pm, $16 NEW ORLEANS The New Orleans Quintet, 6:30 pm THE ROYAL ROOM Ben Thomas & His Tangent Project, 8 pm

STUDIO SEVEN Goliath, A Memoria Brooded, Umbra, 7 pm, $8/$10

TRACTOR TAVERN The Tallboys , 7:30 pm, $5

TRIPLE DOOR Musicquarium: Free Funk Union, free

TULA’S Jim Knapp Orchestra , 7:30 pm, $10

a VERA PROJECT Kevin Devine and the Goddamn Band, Now, Now, Harrison Hudson, 7:30 pm, $13

THE WHITE RABBIT Michael Shrieve’s Spellbinder, $6

DJ

BALTIC ROOM Jam Jam: Zion’s Gate Sound, $5

BARBOZA Minted: Icon Mondays: Sean Majors, guests, free, DJ Swervewon, 100proof, Sean Cee, Blueyedsoul, free COMPANY BAR Rock and Roll Chess Night: DJ Plantkiller, 8 pm, free

CONOR BYRNE Get the Spins: Guest DJs, free

CONTOUR Manic Mondays: Guests

HAVANA Manic Mondays: DJ Jay Battle, free THE HIDEOUT Introcut, guests, free LAVA LOUNGE Psych/Blues: Bobby Malvestuto

LO-FI Jam Jam: Zion’s Gate, Sound Selecta, Element, Mista Chatman , $5

THE MIX Bring Your Own Vinyl Night: Guests, 6 pm

MOE BAR Minted Mondays: DJ Swervewon, 100proof, Sean Cee, Blueyedsoul, free

NEIGHBOURS UNDERGROUND SIN: DJ Keanu, 18+, free

OHANA DJ Hideki

PONY Dirty Deeds: Fruit:

Q NIGHTCLUB Reflect, 8 pm, free

TUES 10/29

LIVE AQUA BY EL GAUCHO Ben Fleck, 6 pm

BARBOZA Tangerine, Maiah Manser, Lures, 8 pm, $7

CAFE RACER Jacobs Posse

CHOP SUEY Lost Animal, Display, Le Sang Song, 8 pm, $8

CONOR BYRNE Ol’ Time Social: The Tallboys , 9 pm

CROCODILE Gilbere Forte & Nylo, 7 pm, $15

ELECTRIC TEA GARDEN Monktail Creative Music Concern, DJ Shonuph, free HIGH DIVE Ian Jones, the Good Luck Number, 8 pm, $6

JAZZ ALLEY Roberta Gambarini, 7:30 pm, $26.50

KELL’S Liam Gallagher

LO-FI Stop Biting: Introcut, guests, $5

THE MIX Jazz Night: Don Mock, Steve Kim, Jacques Willis, 8 pm

NECTAR Lindsey Pavao, Whitney Myer, guests, $5

NEUMOS Example, 8 pm, $15

SEAMONSTER McTuff Trio, 10 pm, free

STUDIO SEVEN Periphery, Born of Osiris, Dead Letter Circus, guests, 6 pm, $17.50/$20

SUNSET TAVERN The Beards

TRACTOR TAVERN Jay Brannan, Courtney Marie Andrews, 8 pm, $13/$15

TULA’S Critical Mass Big Band, 7:30 pm, $10 a VERA PROJECT Lo There Do I See My Brother, He Whose Ox Is Gored , A Province of Thay, Witch Ripper, 7 pm, $8

THURSDAY 10/24

Icame across this rather manic poster by Nate Duval about a week ago, and now I put it on my desktop whenever I need a little afternoon jolt to the system. Check out more of Nate’s amazing work at nateduval.com. AARON HUFFMAN

Okkervil River w/Matthew E. White Fri Oct 25, Showbox at the Market

DJ 95 SLIDE Chicken & Waffles: Supreme La Rock, DJ Rev, free

BALTIC ROOM Drum & Bass Tuesdays: Guests

BLUE MOON TAVERN Blue Moon Vinyl Revival Tuesdays: DJ Country Mike, A.D.M., guests, 8 pm, free THE EAGLE Pitstop: DJ Nark HAVANA Word Is Bond: Hoot and Howl, $3 after 11 pm

BY DAVE SEGAL

BONOBO’S ORCHESTRAL FUNK IS NO MONKEY BUSINESS

Bonobo just played Seattle in May, but apparently we can’t get enough of British producer Simon Green’s elegant orchestral funk and soul balladeering. For this tour supporting the 2013 LP The North Borders, Green is bringing honey-toned vocalist Szjerdene to supplement his deftly arranged compositions. This is for mature Ninja Tuned-In audiences, mainly. Formal attire is encouraged. With Grey Reverend Showbox at the Market, 8 pm, $20 adv/$25 DOS, all ages.

FRIDAY 10/25

DARK, ACIDIC TECHNO FROM MOTORHEADZ SUPERGROUP, CINKRILLIAN WEIGHT, ETC. The eighth edition of Sam Melancon’s MOTOR shindig features Motorheadz Supergroup, consisting of Airport, Bankie Phones, Patternmaster, and Chris Davis (the latter two are members of cosmic tone scientists Brain Fruit). Regular Data Breaker readers have heard me chatter on and on about the extraordinary merits of these Seattle musicians, so I will only mention here that the combined firepower these guys wield with their analog synths and laptops should be infiltrating venues like the Paramount Theatre. Go and get your fill of rugged, acidic techno and heroic, erotic disco. Oakland’s Cinkrillian Weight (Sean Dimentia) creates techno and electro bristling with dystopian atmospheres; you’ll dance to it, but your sweat will

LAVA LOUNGE Metal: Doctor Jonze

MERCURY Die: Black Maru, Major Tom, $5

MOE BAR Cool.: DJ Cory Alfano, DJ Cody Votolato, free NEIGHBOURS UNDERGROUND Vicious Dolls: DJ Rachael, 9 pm, $5

OHANA DJ Marc Sense

WILDROSE Taco Tuesday: Guest DJs

reek of fear. Fellow Oaklander RMS (Barrett Clark) traffics in the interstellar turbulence of hardware-based electro and techno that shows some fealty to classic Detroit productions in those styles. Olympia’s HOM makes stoic, tunneling techno that gives one a bunker mentality—in the best way possible. This night’s going to be, like, whoa Lo-Fi Performance Gallery, 9 pm, $5, 21+.

SUNDAY 10/27

MARIA MINERVA’S 100% SILKY CLUB CREEPERS

Estonian producer/vocalist Maria Minerva established herself as one of the most interesting new artists in the hypnagogicmusic quasi movement with 2011’s Cabaret Cixous and 2012’s Will Happiness Find Me? (both on LA’s Not Not Fun label). In those works, she balances supremely dreamy, diaphanous ambience with sleek, subliminal dance rhythms and a singing style redolent of downers and ZE Records chanteuse Cristina’s dulcet nonchalance, all of it submerged in an aquatic-dub production style that makes the listener feel gloriously weightless. Minerva’s new Bless EP—on NNF’s dance sublabel 100% Silk—unsurprisingly shifts things more forcefully into the discotheque with more overt beats and upfront vocals, and a linguistically dazzling George Carlin sample in “Soul Searchin.” It’s still a million kilometers from your Lady Gagas and Beyoncés, but Minerva is giving the Miracles Club’s Honey Owens a run for her underground-diva money. With Cherushii and YourYoungBody Chop Suey, 8 pm, $10 adv/$12 DOS, 21+.

SATURDAY OCTOBER 26 | 7:30 PM CON BRO CHILL CHERUB, MANSIONS ON THE MOON $11 ($10 W. CLUB CARD)

MONDAY OCTOBER 28 | 7:30 PM KEVIN DEVINE AND THE GODDAMN BAND, NOW, NOW HARRISON HUDSON $11 ($10 W. CLUB CARD)

TUESDAY OCTOBER 29 | 7:00 PM LO THERE DO I SEE

ROY HARGROVE QUINTET

THU, OCT 24 - SUN, OCT 27

Grammy winning jazz trumpeter traverses from straight ahead to swing to funk.

ROBERTA GAMBARINI QUARTET

TUE, OCT 29 - WED, OCT 30

“The true successor to Ella Fitzgerald, Sarah Vaughan, and Carmen McRae.”

- The Boston Globe

91.3 KBCS WELCOMES

STEVE SMITH and VITAL INFORMATION

TUE, NOV 5 - WED, NOV 6

A formidable jazz/fusion juggernaut whose longevity surpasses every major fusion group.

RACHELLE FERRELL

THU, NOV 7 - SUN, NOV 10

Ferrell has made her mark not as a straightahead jazz singer and pianist, but as a crossover artist who is equally at home with gospel, pop, classical music and jazz.

TAJ MAHAL TRIO

FRI, NOV 22 - SUN, DEC 1

(CLOSED ON MON, NOV 25TH & THANKSGIVING)

Composer and multi-instrumentalist, Mahal is a two-time Grammy winner and one of the most influential America blues and roots artists of the past half-century.

2033 6th Ave. | 206.441.9729 all ages | free parking full schedule at jazzalley.com

FILM

Satan, Scarecrows, and Skin

Thirty Horror Films That Are Actually Scary

BY KELLY O

When I was in fifth grade, my family had both a Betamax and a VHS player. I’ll never forget how much I loved Fridays. My mom would pick me up from school, and we’d head straight to

the video store, where I could rent any movies I wanted. At only 11 or 12 years old, I was magically deemed “mature enough” to watch R-rated tapes, though I didn’t care to rent much else besides horror films—or, as my mom called them, “SPOOKERS.” After the video place, we’d stop at Little Caesars, and then my mom and dad would pull on their bowling jerseys and leave my brother and me home alone for the night with a large pizza and a big pile of movies.

Often they’d come home and we’d be hiding together in a closet. Once, after renting three editions of the Friday the 13th series, our mom found us huddled under blankets in the bathtub (the bathroom door had a lock, unlike most other rooms in our farmhouse that sat on 22 acres of woods in the middle of nowhere).

It was like that for a long time—every Friday, we’d turn off the lights in the house and watch spookers until we were high as kites on fear. The cat would knock something over, and we’d scream like banshees for five minutes straight. One time, some black bears that lived in our woods came right up to the house and rattled our big metal trash cans. I think my brother, forever tougher than me, peed his pajama pants with that one. No matter how scared we ever got, though, the following Friday, we wanted to do it again.

That initial high is what I’m still addicted to. Only the best scary movies, the REALLY scary ones, stick with you after the credits roll and the lights are back on. They’re the ones that linger in the corners of your mind during a weekday trip to the post office, when some little old man shoots you a mildly strange look, and you spin on your heels and RUN for the car and fumble for your keys

with sweaty hands. Depending on what strikes your rawest nerve, there’s a horror movie out there for every single human—a film with power so great, it can scare a little bit of the pee out of your bladder and into your pants, and make you pleased to have done so. Here are 30 of them, assigned to their ideal victims.

So you’re afraid of DEMONIC

POSSESSION

There’s probably no more terrifying concept than some sort of angry, ugly pal of Satan shoving you out of your body and claiming it as his/her own. The Exorcist, the Academy Award–winning granddaddy of all possession films—directed by William Friedkin, and starring a young actress named Linda Blair and a real-life Catholic priest named Reverend William O’Malley—blew people’s minds on its release in 1973. (After a filmgoer broke his jaw on the seat in front of him during an Exorcist screening, he sued the film’s producers, claiming the use of subliminal imagery caused him to pass out in the theater.) Forty years later, The Exorcist still makes people react violently. The Exorcist III (1990) was a rare case of a sequel being almost as good as the original. Starring George C. Scott, the film scared the bejesus out of people, especially during its “nurse decapitation” scene, where a woman loses her head to a large pair of surgical shears.

Directed by James “Saw” Wan, 2013’s Exorcist-inspired The Conjuring had a similar effect—during its exorcism scene (starring Lili Taylor), the girls behind me couldn’t stop screaming, all the while kicking the back of my seat (a horror-movie standing O!). And no

born with a real-life genetic condition that prevents him from having any hair (no eyebrows!) or fingernails. Dark Night of the Scarecrow (1981), a made-for-TV movie set in the Deep South and featuring a mentally challenged man named Bubba, will make you forever nervous around scarecrows, and 1980’s Motel Hell features an incredibly creepy farmer whose special smoked meat products are actually humans that he plants in the ground up to their necks after he cuts their vocal cords to prevent his “garden” from screaming. GAAAAAHHHH!

So you’re afraid of PEOPLE WHO WEAR OTHER PEOPLE’S SKIN

Who can ever forget the scene where Julia gets busted wearing her dead husband’s face in Clive Barker’s 1987 masterpiece Hellraiser? Or most famous of all, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’s Leatherface running around in his floppy dead-skin mask?

So you’re afraid of HANGING AROUND SLUTTY, HORNY TEENAGERS

You should steer completely clear of these people, because they’re the number-one prey of A-list mega-horror superstars Jason Voorhees (Friday the 13th), Freddy Krueger (A Nightmare on Elm Street), and my personal fave, Michael Myers (Halloween).

So you’re afraid of THOSE YUCKY UNDEAD PEOPLE

one can avoid squirming when the possessed girl in 1981’s The Evil Dead eats her own (spoiler alert!) hand.

So you’re afraid of DEMONIC LITTLE KIDS

No one, after seeing Children of the Corn (based on a Stephen King novel and made into a film in 1984), will ever walk through a field of corn again without thinking about that murderous redheaded adolescent superfreak Malachai. The Omen (1976) still makes babysitters a little afraid of child care. And 2013’s Mama has one the best depictions of feral children walking on all fours (second maybe only to the way the girl moved in the terrifying 1998 Japanese classic Ringu , and also Linda Blair’s infamous “spider walk” down a staircase in the Exorcist director’s cut).

Sweet Mary Mother of God, there are a lot of zombie movies, but the ultimate zombie blast remains a triple feature of the slow, bumbling zombies in George A. Romero’s original black-and-white Night of the Living Dead (1968), followed by the lightning-fast postapocalyptic zombies in 2002’s 28 Days Later, and the original Haitian voodoo undead in 1988’s The Serpent and the Rainbow

So you’re afraid of YOU KNOW, ANIMALS (AND BUGS)

Who can ever forget Julia wearing her dead husband’s face in Hellraiser ?

So you’re afraid of SATAN, THE ACTUAL DUDE

You’ll love/hate watching Viggo Mortensen play the devil (alongside Christopher Walken) in 1995’s The Prophecy, and you’ll freak the fuck out when Mia Farrow gets dream-raped by the guy in 1968’s psychological horror classic Rosemary’s Baby

So you’re afraid of HILLBILLIES AND REDNECKS

Director Wes Craven’s 1977 cult classic The Hills Have Eyes stars one of the scariest hillbilly-cannibals ever to hit the big screen, thanks to an actor named Michael Berryman, who was

Every single person in America was afraid to go swimming after seeing 1975’s shark thriller Jaws. I’m still slightly afraid of more than two avian specimens hanging around together after Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds (1963). And both Cujo (1983) and David Cronenberg’s The Fly (1986) gave me realdeal nightmares.

So you’re afraid of FRICKIN’ GHOSTS

This is my thing to be afraid of. There are spectacular-looking ones in The Shining (1980), some seriously pissed-off ones in Poltergeist (1982) and the original The Amityville Horror (1979), and extra creepy little kid ones in The Devil’s Backbone (2001). I think my heart will always belong to a sickly and sad ghost named Joseph in one of the best haunted-house films of all time, The Changeling. Set in 1980s Seattle, The Changeling gets everything right, and it will haunt you for years.

FILM SHORTS

More reviews and movie times: thestranger.com/film

LIMITED RUN

AFTER TILLER

Dr. George Tiller was murdered in 2009. He was the fourth abortion provider in the United States to be assassinated in 11 years. This documentary examines the work and lives of the only four doctors left in the United States who perform third-trimester abortions. SIFF Cinema Uptown, Thurs 7, 9 pm. SIFF Film Center Sat 5, 7:30 pm, Sun 7:30 pm.

THE BEST OF NATIONAL THEATRE LIVE

One-off rebroadcasts of the UK’s National Theatre’s stage productions of Othello (on Monday) and Hamlet (on Tuesday). Tragic! SIFF Cinema Uptown, Mon-Tues 6:30 pm.

CABIN IN THE WOODS

A bunch of kids head to a cabin in the woods despite encountering an over-the-top hillbilly who prophesies doom. Soon enough, there is murder and mayhem and intrigue, and to tell you too much more about the plot would be a crime. The actors all hold up their end of the bargain, the script is witty, and there are homages to hundreds of horror films. (PAUL CONSTANT) Central Cinema, Fri-Tues 9:30 pm.

COUNTER-INTELLIGENCE

An examination of the state-within-a-state (or, more sinisterly, “deep state”) that operates, this documentary argues, outside of the jurisdiction of the constitution. Free screening. Keystone Church, Fri Oct 25 at 7 pm.

DEEP RED

Two years before collaborating on Suspiria , Dario Argento directed and Goblin scored this horror film about a hatchet-toting murderer with uncanny powers. Presented on 35 mm. Grand Illusion, Mon-Tues 8 pm.

FRENCH CINEMA NOW

See Festive, this page. Francophonic film fête. SIFF Cinema Uptown, Fri-Sun. SIFF Film Center, Mon-Tues. For complete schedule and showtimes, see siff.net.

HELLRAISER

The man with pins in his face is the leader of an extradimensional S&M club, essentially. There are several other details about the film, but that’s the pivot point. Stephen King famously called its director, Clive Barker, “the future of horror.” Presented on 35 mm. Grand Illusion, Fri-Sat 8 pm.

HORROR ANTHOLOGY TRIPLE FEATURE

Three mystery movies that may or may not include “voodoo, murderous plants, killer dolls, homicidal insects.” There will be pizza on hand to get you through the 290 minutes of terror. Grand Illusion, Sun Oct 27 at 3 pm.

THE LADY FROM SHANGHAI

Orson Welles adopts an uncompromising Irish accent for this noir, which he directed and in which Rita Hayworth femmes the fatale. The film is best known for its iconic “hall of mirrors” sequence, which probably appears in every cinema history textbook and is a genuine joy to behold on screen. Presented on 35 mm. Seattle Art Museum, Thurs Oct 24 at 7:30 pm.

THE LAST TIME I SAW MACAO

Tastefully ignoring the obvious pun, we’ll just say that this new, noir-influenced film is set in, and an homage to, the city known as “the Vegas of the East.” Northwest Film Forum, Fri-Sun 7 pm, Mon 9 pm, Tues 7 pm.

THE LESSER BLESSED

Lovelorn teenage angst, the isolation of a small town in the Northwest Territories, and racial tensions are three of the ingredients in this chilly high school drama. Northwest Film Forum, Sat 5, 7 pm.

THE LOST BOYS

Unarguably Corey Haim’s best film and arguably the best film of all time. Commence arguing. Central Cinema, Fri-Tues 7 pm.

THE SHINING

The Stephen King/Stanley Kubrick horror classic about a

FRENCH CINEMA NOW AT SIFF

There are two films in SIFF’s French Cinema Now festival that are not actually French: Tenderness and Grigris. The former is directed by a Belgian, Marion Hansel, and the latter by a Chadian, Mahamat-Saleh Haroun. The former begins on the slopes of the Alps; the other begins in a nightclub in an unnamed Chadian city. The former is about a white European upper-middle-class family (they live in modernist homes, drive SUVs, work in ski resorts, and have bank cards); the latter is about a black working-class family (they have small businesses, live in a compound, and have no savings or bank accounts).

When an accident occurs to a young snowboarder in Tenderness , his divorced parents (Marilyne Canto and Olivier Gourmet) go on a road trip (utopian wind turbines rising over trees, romantic farmhouses here and there, a little trouble at a rest stop) to the resort where it happened. Here, they help deal with his medical issues and lack of insurance, enjoy the presence of his beautiful girlfriend, meet a handsome Arab who shares the room with him at the hospital, and enjoy the mind-clearing air of the Alps. When the father of the family in Grigris suddenly becomes ill, he ends up in a deep financial crisis (the hospital wants 700,000 francs) that forces his stepson, Grigris (Soulémane Démé), to join a violent gang that smuggles petrol. When Grigris is not with the gang, he is either dancing for money at a local nightclub or falling in love with a gorgeous and light-skinned prostitute, Mimi (Anaïs Monory). In short, Tenderness is in line with what the film critic Stephen Dalton calls the “bourgeois chamber dramas of the late Eric Rohmer,” whereas Grigris is the Africanization of the noir underworlds we find in the films of Jean-Pierre Melville. But here is a good question to ask: Is Grigris, a movie that deals with poverty, debt, and crime, more real than the bourgeois Tenderness? No. Both films are very real. The thing you have to understand about our neoliberalized world, about migration and capital flows, is that it is not impossible for Grigris to have been in the hospital bed next to the wounded snowboarder. And it would be the same Grigris: the Grigris with a bad leg, the Grigris in love with a prostitute, the Grigris who wants to be a dancer. With this understanding, what we can better see is that poor people really do suffer, that they never get used to hunger or the dangers of police corruption, that they have the same structure of feeling as anyone else. When a person sleeps on a street, they really are sleeping on the street with as much discomfort and worry as you would.

(CHARLES MUDEDE)

French Cinema Now runs Oct 24–30 at

man dealing with alcoholism, writer’s block, snowstorms, Shelley Duvall’s contorted face, and a psychotic 5-yearold. Harvard Exit, Sat Oct 26 at midnight.

STAR WARS ORIGINAL TRILOGY TRIVIA

NIGHT

That means you can net a perfect score on this thing even if you’ve never heard the word “midi-chlorian” before. Presented by MAP Theater. Central Cinema, Wed Oct 23 at 7 pm.

TIGER EYES

The first feature film made of the work of the great Judy Blume, directed by the writer’s own son! Northwest Film Forum, Fri 7 pm, Sat 3, 5 pm, Sun 3, 5, 7 pm, Mon-Tues 7 pm.

TURANDOT

A video presentation of Puccini’s final opera, performed onstage by the UK’s Royal Opera House. Guild 45th, Thurs Oct 24 at 7 pm.

WAXIE MOON IN FALLEN JEWEL

Wes Hurley’s goofy, campy, and local-star-packed comedy continues its once-a-month screening at Central Cinema. This month’s is a benefit for the Seattle Counseling Service, and Hurley and Waxie Moon will be in attendance! Central Cinema, Fri Sept 27 at 9:30 pm.

ZAYTOUN

The cinema of Israeli director Eran Riklis has one goal: the humanization of Jews and Arabs caught in the seemingly endless Middle East conflict. This humanization does not come without a price; Riklis is completely aware of the arguments on both sides of the dispute, and makes sure they are fully (and at times brutally) expressed in his films. Once we are aware of what has been lost (life, property, pride) and what is to be gained (social respect, a sense of justice, religious affirmation) on either side—only then does he look for the universals that can bring a group, a family, or two persons into an awareness of their shared humanity. Riklis’s new film Zaytoun is set during the Lebanese war of 1982 and centered around a Palestinian boy (whose father has been recently killed by Israeli war planes) and an Israeli fighter pilot, who is captured by the PLO after his jet is shot down. The boy is played by an unknown Abdallah El Akal and the Israeli pilot by the fairly wellknown American actor Stephen Dorff. One is a man, the other is a child; one has a lot of power (“the pilot is worth 1,000 of us”), the other is powerless and also an orphan. Nothing, it seems, could ever reconcile their differences. But an unexpected turn of events requires them to do the impossible: work together. As the plot progresses, the human element begins to erode the cultures and histories that separate the two. (CHARLES MUDEDE) Varsity, Fri 4:40, 7:05, 9:30 pm, Sat-Sun 2:15, 4:40, 7:05, 9:30 pm, Mon-Tues 4:40, 7:05, 9:30 pm.

NOW PLAYING

ALL IS LOST

Like Captain Phillips and Gravity All Is Lost is about confronting one’s own death; unlike those films, All Is Lost works with a bare-knuckled, blue-collar unflashiness. Writer/director J.C. Chandor sets a few pieces in motion, then watches as everything falls apart. The nearly wordless All Is Lost focuses, with exhausting intensity, on a single man. (In the closing credits, he’s listed only as “Our Man.” He’s played by Robert Redford—wrinkled, presumably, from both years and water.) When a yacht he’s sailing hits a shipping container in the middle of the Indian Ocean, water rushes into his cabin with startling speed; everything that follows charts his attempts to stay alive. We’re only given a few hints about who he is: He’s rich (that’s a nice boat); he’s alone, in more ways than one; and when it comes to sailing, he’s hardly an expert, though he seems to be, at least, competent. Whether competence will be enough, Redford’s weary, determined face tells us, is profoundly doubtful. Grim and quiet and melancholy, All Is Lost is tough and relentless—but perhaps the most impressive thing about it is that Chandor and Redford make this story as exciting and as touching as it is harrowing. (ERIK HENRIKSEN)

BLUE JASMINE

The title character, played by Cate Blanchett, is (or was) a wealthy Manhattanite. When her ex-husband Hal (Alec Baldwin) turns out to be a Madoff-like crook, she loses everything, so she relocates to San Francisco to stay with her working-class sister Ginger (Sally Hawkins). Everyone is lying to themselves—about who they are, what they want, and what they feel they deserve. Blanchett is amazing as this supremely deluded neurotic, and it’s refreshing to see Woody Allen’s jangly, sometimes unpleasant protagonists channel that energy toward masking something potentially more sinister: a measure of complicity in their personal disasters. (MATT LYNCH)

CAPTAIN PHILLIPS

Captain Phillips should be mass-market sap. But it’s the opposite of that: Lean and smart and intense, it’s a film that’s happy to kick you in the stomach to make a point. The broad strokes: Tom Hanks plays Richard Phillips, who captained the shipping vessel Maersk Alabama in 2009 on what was supposed to be a routine trip around the Horn of Africa. It wasn’t routine: Somali pirates took the ship, then took Phillips as a hostage. And in Captain Phillips, it’s in the details where things get interesting and blurry. Not satisfied with telling the story from Phillips’s white, American perspective, the story also follows the life and the motives of Muse (Barkhad Abdi, excellent), who hijacks the Alabama with a tiny crew and desperate determination. (ERIK HENRIKSEN)

ENOUGH SAID

All of Nicole Holofcener’s films involve the same building blocks: They’re about self-deception and unhappiness and relationships and how to be a good person. Catherine Keener is always in them. But from this toolbox of feelings and Catherine Keeners, Holofcener consistently constructs perceptive, emotionally acute

that

(R) Fri: (4:20)*, 7:10*, 10:00* Sat: (2:10)*, (4:20)*, 7:10, 10:00* Sun: (2:10)*, (4:20)*, 7:10 Mon: (4:20)*, 8:00 Tue: (4:20)*, 8:00^ Wed & Thu: (4:20)*, 8:00 CAPTAIN PHILLIPS (PG-13) Fri: (4:10), 7:00*, 9:50* Sat: (1:15), (4:10), 7:00*, 9:50 Sun: (1:15), (4:10), 7:00* Mon: (4:10), 7:50* Tue: (4:10), 7:50*^ Wed & Thu: (4:10), 7:50*

GRAVITY IN 2D (PG-13) Fri: (4:55)* Sat: (2:00)*, (4:55)*, 7:20*, 9:35* Sun: (2:00)*, (4:55)*, 7:20* Mon: (4:55)*, 8:10* Tue: (4:55)*, 8:10*^ THE FLY (R) Fri: 9:00

are clear-eyed about human frailty. And while it doesn’t let any of the characters off the hook for their bullshit—it wouldn’t be a Holofcener joint if it did—Enough Said is her warmest movie to date, thanks to the insanely likable Julia Louis-Dreyfus and a great turn from James Gandolfini, in one of his last performances. (ALISON HALLETT)

GRAVITY

Parts of Gravity are so incredibly beautiful that I couldn’t do anything but watch with my mouth hanging open, blown away by the amazing spectacle. It opens in the soundless void of outer space. A new, somewhat reluctant astronaut named Ryan Stone (Sandra Bullock) and a seasoned space walker (George Clooney) are repairing a satellite. Gravity follows Stone as her shuttle (and contact with Mission Control) is destroyed by space debris and she’s forced to try to find a way to safety. Bullock is outstanding, and I say this as someone who doesn’t generally enjoy her work. She’s on-screen for almost the whole movie, and she’s riveting to watch. (PAUL CONSTANT)

I TELEVISION TM

BY WM. TM STEVEN HUMPHREY

LESS “SEXY” PLEASE!

[Editor’s Note: Wm.™ Steven Humphrey is vacationing this week, so please enjoy the following old-timey column from the I Love Television™ archives—which proves “old” advice is still the “best” advice.]

Pro tip! Did you know there was a federal law passed this year specifically prohibiting certain “sexy” Halloween costumes? (Pro tip! This is absolutely not true—but tell everyone it is… you’ll understand why in a bit.) Thanks to recent “Anti–Halloween Annoyance” legislation passed by Congress, women will no longer be allowed to dress up in any of the following annoying Halloween costumes:

Sexy French Maid. Sexy Cheerleader. Sexy Schoolgirl. Sexy Native American. Sexy Kitten. Sexy Bee. Sexy Ladybug. Sexy Pirate. Sexy Cave Girl. Sexy Policewoman. Sexy Disney Princess (any and all). Sexy Witch. Sexy Red Riding Hood. Sexy Power Ranger. Sexy Olive Oyl. Sexy Strawberry Shortcake. Sexy Eskimo. Sexy Prisoner. Sexy Angel. Sexy Devil. Sexy Angel/Devil Hybrid. Sexy Fairy. Sexy Captain America. Sexy Clown (there is absolutely nothing sexy about that, by the way). Sexy Skunk. Sexy Hippie (again, nothing sexy about that). Sexy Robot. Sexy Statue of Liberty. Sexy Sherlock Holmes. Sexy Hillbilly (this goes triple for guys!!). Anyway, you can read the complete list of costume restrictions at sexyhalloweenrestrictions.gov. (Pro tip! Not really… but annoying people don’t have to know that!) HOWEVER! I’m happy to report that NONE of the I Love Television™ brand of Halloweeny Costumes™ are on the government’s restricted list. Here are just a few I’m sure you’ve seen referenced in my column:

WADJDA Wadjda is a 10-year-old girl who doesn’t quite fit in: She listens to pop music, wears high-top Converse, has a friend who’s a boy, and wants a bicycle. Her all-girls school teaches proper moral behavior for women, and she gets in trouble with her strict principal for her entrepreneurial endeavors and uncommon ideas. At home, things are strained because her father is being pressured to take another wife in order to have a son. Writer-director Haifaa al-Mansour told the New York Times that she based the story on her niece, who is “feisty” but being pressured to conform, saying: “To me, that’s a great loss… [girls] could change the world if they were given the chance.”

The first feature filmed entirely in Saudi Arabia, Wadjda is a remarkable look inside an intensely religious and closed society. (GILLIAN ANDERSON)

SEXY ANGRY DONKEY! The boys will get a “kick” out of your delightfully whimsical and sexy “Angry Donkey” costume. Besides the donkey mask and accompanying donkey bustier, you’ll also receive pneumatic legs—which, when activated by a man’s pinch to your bottom, will… KAPOW!!! Kick the offending douchebag into the next century. ONLY $159.99!

SEXY DIAPER GRAVY! The term “diaper gravy” is a beloved I Love Television™ staple—as well as the perfect sexy Halloween costume! You’ll be every man’s fantasy as you cruise the party dressed in a giant, sopping adult diaper filled with liquid excrement. (Sexy colostomy bag not included.) ONLY $89.99!

SEXY TV CHARACTERS! Why dress up like a sexy zombie from The Walking Dead when you can be “Sexy Rock Dripping with Zombie Brains”? ONLY $79.99! You like Breaking Bad, right? Then may I interest you in “Sexy Gus with Half His Face Blown Off”? Comes complete with a tie you can straighten. ONLY $59.99!

SEXY HUMPY™! If you’re looking for the #1 sexy-sexy costume for Halloween, look no further! Now you can dress up as “Sexy Wm.™ Steven Humphrey™,” America’s most beloved and trusted television columnist! This one-of-a-kind costume is made out of my actual skin—which I’ve spent years exfoliating and keeping in a jar next to my toilet. But what you’ll love are the tiny details: the trademarked whooptywhoo curl on top of my head, trained to hide early-onset male pattern baldness; Totino’s Pizza Roll crumbs dotting the slightly sagging man-boobs; and a perfectly shaped foam replica of my honey-baked ham (voted “a model of structural perfection” by the engineering department at MIT). OH! And Velcro pants closure for easy access to genitalia. ONLY $199.99—and don’t delay! It’s sure to make next year’s “government restricted” list! (Wink! Wink!)

Read Humpy’s weekly TV listings at THESTRANGER.COM

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY

BY ROB BREZSNY

For the Week of Oct 23

ARIES (March 21–April 19): “I’m greedy,” says painter David Hockney, “but I’m not greedy for money—I think that can be a burden—I’m greedy for an exciting life.” According to my analysis, Aries, the cosmos is now giving you the go-ahead to cultivate Hockney’s style of greed. As you head out in quest of adventure, here’s an important piece of advice to keep in mind. Make sure you formulate an intention to seek out thrills that educate and inspire you rather than those that scare you and damage you. It’s up to you which kind you attract.

TAURUS (April 20–May 20): French philosopher Simone Weil described the following scene: “Two prisoners in adjoining cells communicate with each other by knocking on the wall. The wall is the thing that separates them but is also their means of communication.” This muted type of conversation is a useful metaphor for the current state of one of your important alliances, Taurus. That which separates you also connects you. But I’m wondering if it’s time to create a more direct link. Is it possible to bore a hole through the barrier between you so you can create a more intimate exchange?

GEMINI (May 21–June 20): “I had tended to view waiting as mere passivity,” says author Sue Monk Kidd in her memoir. “When I looked it up in my dictionary, however, I found that the words ‘passive’ and ‘passion’ come from the same Latin root, pati, which means ‘to endure.’ Waiting is thus both passive and passionate. It’s a vibrant, contemplative work… It involves listening to disinherited voices within, facing the wounded holes in the soul, the denied and undiscovered, the places one lives falsely.” This is excellent counsel for you, Gemini. Are you devoted enough to refrain from leaping into action for now? Are you strong enough to bide your time?

CANCER (June 21–July 22): “Venice is to the man-made world what the Grand Canyon is to the natural one,” said travel writer Thomas Swick in an article praising the awe-inciting beauty of the Italian city. “When I went to Venice,” testified French novelist Marcel Proust, “my dream became my address.” American author Truman Capote chimed in that “Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs at one go.” I bring this up, Cancerian, because even if you don’t make a pilgrimage to Venice, I expect that you will soon have the chance, metaphorically speaking, to consume an entire box of chocolate liqueurs at one go. Take

your sweet time. Nibble slowly. Assume that each bite will offer a distinct new epiphany.

LEO (July 23–Aug 22): Do you have any interest in reworking—even revolutionizing—your relationship with the past? If so, the coming weeks will be an excellent time to do so. Cosmic forces will be on your side if you attempt any of the following actions: (1) Forgive yourself for your former failures and missteps. (2) Make atonement to anyone whom you hurt out of ignorance. (3) Reinterpret your life story to account for the ways that more recent events have changed the meaning of what happened long ago. (4) Resolve old business as thoroughly as you can. (5) Feel grateful for everyone who helped make you who you are today.

VIRGO (Aug 23–Sept 22): “As a bee seeks nectar from all kinds of flowers, seek teachings everywhere,” advises the Tibetan Buddhist holy text known as the Dzogchen Tantra. That’s your assignment, Virgo. Be a student 24 hours a day, seven days a week—yes, even while you’re sleeping. (Maybe you could go to school in your dreams.) Regard every experience as an opportunity to learn something new and unexpected. Be ready to rejoice in all the revelations, both subtle and dramatic, that will nudge you to adjust your theories and change your mind.

LIBRA (Sept 23–Oct 22): Don’t you wish your friends and loved ones would just somehow figure out what you want without you having to actually say it? Wouldn’t it be great if they were telepathic or could read your body language so well that they would surmise your secret thoughts? Here’s a news bulletin: IT AIN’T GOING TO HAPPEN! EVER! That’s why I recommend that you refrain from resenting people for not being mind readers, and instead simply tell them point-blank what you’re dreaming about and yearning for. They may or may not be able to help you reach fulfillment, but at least they will be in possession of the precise information they need to make an informed decision.

SCORPIO (Oct 23–Nov 21): Scorpios are obsessive, brooding, suspicious, demanding, and secretive, right? That’s what traditional astrologers say, isn’t it? Well, no, actually. I think that’s a misleading assessment. It’s true that some Scorpios are dominated by the qualities I named. But my research shows that those types of Scorpios are generally not attracted to reading my horoscopes. My Scorpios instead tend to be passionately focused, deeply thoughtful, smartly discerning, intensely committed to excellence, and devoted to understanding the complex truth. These are all assets that are especially important to draw on right now. The world has an extraordinarily urgent need for the talents of you evolved Scorpios.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22–Dec 21): “If

you’re in pitch blackness, all you can do is sit tight until your eyes get used to the dark.” That helpful advice appears in Norwegian Wood, a novel by Haruki Murakami. Now I’m passing it on to you, just in time for your cruise through the deepest, darkest phase of your cycle. When you first arrive, you may feel blind and dumb. Your surroundings might seem impenetrable and your next move unfathomable. But don’t worry. Refrain from drawing any conclusions whatsoever. Cultivate an empty mind and an innocent heart. Sooner or later, you will be able gather the clues you need to take wise action.

CAPRICORN (Dec 22–Jan 19): Have you thought about launching a crowdfunding campaign for your pet project? The coming weeks might be a good time. Have you fantasized about getting involved in an organization that will help save the world even as it feeds your dreams to become the person you want to be? Do it! Would you consider hatching a benevolent conspiracy that will serve as an antidote to an evil conspiracy? Now is the time. You’re in a phase of your astrological cycle when you have more power than usual to build alliances. Your specialties between now and December 1 will be to mobilize group energy and round up supporters and translate high ideals into practical actions.

AQUARIUS (Jan 20–Feb 18): In 2008, writer Andrew Kessler hung out with scientists at NASA’s Mission Control as they looked for water on the planet Mars. Three years later, he published a book about his experiences, Martian Summer: Robot Arms, Cowboy Spacemen, and My 90 Days with the Phoenix Mars Mission. To promote sales, he opened a new bookstore that was filled with copies of just one book: his own. I suggest that you come up with a comparable plan to promote your own product, service, brand, or personality. The time is right to summon extra chutzpah as you expand your scope.

PISCES (Feb 19–March 20): Right now, you have a genius for escaping, for dodging, for eluding. That could be expressed relatively negatively or relatively positively. So for instance, I don’t recommend that you abscond from boring but crucial responsibilities. You shouldn’t ignore or stonewall people whose alliances with you are important to keep healthy. On the other hand, I encourage you to fly, fly away from onerous obligations that give you little in return. I will applaud your decision to blow off limitations that are enforced by neurotic habits, and I will celebrate your departure from energydraining situations that manipulate your emotions.

Homework: Imagine you get three wishes on one condition: They can’t benefit you directly but have to be wished on someone else’s behalf. Testify at freewill astrology.com.

SALONS

SKILLED TRADE/CRAFT

APARTMENTS

QUEEN

ART STUDIO/CREATIVE

for rent in Seattle. Month-to-month, no last or deposit. Fabulous neighborhood and large friendly art community. Work among painters, photographers, sculptors, printers and more. Exceptional location and energy. GASWORKSGALLERY.com MUSIC REHEARSAL/ARTIST

-Stephanie

ROOMMATES

LIKE A JAPANESE Hot Springs - At The Gated Sanctuary you

CARS/TRUCKS

Web site at DreamscapeMassage.com / 206-568-3771

ENJOY A SOOTHING massage on Capitol Hill. Relaxation, deep tissue, and hot stone masssage. Last minute appointments welcome. 14years experience as an LMP. www.broadwaymassage.com Jeff 206-650-0542 All are welcome. $55.00 an hour and 80.00 for 90 minutes.

LAURIE’S MASSAGE (206)919-2180

ONE SHARED REHEARSAL room

@ $220/month including 36hr/month & private closet. Visit wildersoundstudios.com. Located in SODO Seattle. Contact Samantha 425-445-9165. s.wilder@wildersoundstudios.com

MUSIC INSTRUCTION & SERVICES

MUSICIANS AVAILABLE

AVANT-ROCK BAND SEEKING keyboardist to complete personnel. Bass/Guitar/Violin/Cello/Voice. Swans, Glenn Branca, Godspeed You!Black Emperor, Zero 7, Jarboe, Live Skull, Saint Vitus, Black Sabbath, Painkiller. No drugs. We have a rehearsal space. 206.547.2615/omaritaylor@gmail. com www.myspace.com/branavinix/ www.branavinix.com

BEGINNING FIDDLE, VIOLA and Piano lessons for all ages. Includes music theory and sight reading. Learn from a professional fiddle player of over 20 years. $45/hr or $35/half hour. Contact Annie if interested at anniefordband@gmail.com or call 540660-4083.

GREAT SAX SOLOS for your studio/live project. All styles. Call Danny Welsh at (206)501-7559 or dannywelsh@mac.com For more info and music go to: www.dannywelsh.com or www.myspace.com/dannywelshjazz

I SING, WRITE, PLAY SYNTH. Call 206 860 3534

LEGENDARY PIANIST AVAILABLE

Opened for Jeff Bridges! I’m Richard Peterson, 65 year old composer, arranger, and pianist. I’m available to play parties, weddings, clubs, shows, etc. $200/gig. Covers and originals. Please call 206-325-5271, Thank You! CD available. Must have a piano.

NEW YEAR’S EVE Soiree With Paul Pauper In Concert Costume Ball Begins At 11 C & P Coffee Company; 5612 California Avenue SW, Seattle, WA 98136 206.933.3125 candpco@ comcast.net bit.ly/paulkuniholmpauper

SEATTLE VOCALIST/

SONGWRITER/KEYBOARDS CALL MURPHY 206 860 3534

MUSICIANS WANTED

AVANT-ROCK BAND SEEKING guitarist. We are currently drums, bass and voice. We will be adding more instrumentation in time. Swans, My Bloody Valentine, Angels of Light, and traditional Spanish, Irish, Mediterranean, and Arabian music. No drugs. www.myspace.com/branavinix/ 206.547.2615

BROTHER JAMES & the Soul-Vation

Needs You! Established 60’s Garage/ R&B band with gigs in Dec. Need that missing element -Steve Cropper style guitar. Semi-obscure covers and originals. jamesbeat64@yahoo.com

DRUMS WANTED - blues/rock coverband. Infl: Bonham, Kirk, Baker, etc. Please be pro, hard hitting with lots of exp. 40s+. Call for details 206-755-3044 or 206-919-0514

NEED A PRODUCER? MUSICIANS, DJs, VOCALISTS...YOU NEED A PRODUCER THAT WILL MAKE YOUR VIDEOS AND RECORDINGS COME ALIVE AND GET YOU THE ATTENTION YOU NEED. CALL MURPHY AT 206 860 3534.

POST-PUNK NEO-POP GUITAR

seeks Bass/Drum/Keys/Throat for interesting proje(k)ct. Direction: Siouxsie, Pixies, the Fall (Witch Trials), Joy Division, Pere Ubu & Cocteaus. Age/ experience no probs; beginners welcome, so queue up. Ern / Thunderclap Headache: 253-670-3718.

BAND REHEARSAL SPACE SUPERIOR COURT OF WASHINGTON COUNTY OF KING

1 Shared Rehearsal Room @ $220/month Incl. 36hrs/month & Private closet Visit wildersoundstudios.com Located in SODO Seattle. Contact Samantha 425.445.9165 s.wilder@wildersoundstudio.com

In re the Parentage of: Callie Jean Sutton, Child, Jeffrey Fosie, Petitioner And Respondent: Cori J. Sutton, Mother TO THE RESPONDENT: CORI J. SUTTON

1. The petitioner has started an action in the above court requesting that there be a determination of parentage. Additional requests, if any, are stated in the petition, a copy of which is attached.

2. You must respond to this summons and petition by filing a written response with the clerk of the court and by serving a copy of your response on the person signing this summons.

If you do not file and serve your written response within 20 days (60 days if you are served outside of the state of Washington) after the date this summons was served on you, exclusive of the date of service, the court may, without further notice to you, enter a default judgment against you ordering the relief requested in the petition. If you serve a notice of appearance on the undersigned person, you are entitled to notice before an order of default may be entered.

3. Your written response to the summons and petition must be on form WPF PS 01.0300, Response to Petition for Establishment of Parentage (RSP). Information about how to get this form may be obtained by contacting the clerk of the court, by contacting the Administrative Office of the Courts at (360) 705-5328, or from the Internet at the Washington State Courts homepage: http://www.courts.wa.gov/forms

WOMEN SEEKING MEN

A SWEET TREAT

I’m a loyal affectionate girl, who just wants that in return. I’d like someone who enjoys the little pleasures in life, like a good lunch, or going for a walk. Someone that pulls me out of my comfort zone just little. chubbyhuggs, 25

CURIOUS, ENGAGED AND INTRIGUED

I am really passionate about a lot of things... it’s the one thing people notice about me and comment on...you don’t have to agree with me, however... I like a good discussion/debate. warhem, 39

I LOVE LAMP

I’m smart and funny and usually making things. I love to travel. I’m looking for someone that is honest, fun, active(but still likes to lay low and relax), funny and wants to partake in life in a positive way.

Without_PenAndPaper, 28

COUNTRY TIME

I live in the loveliest mountain valley, a heaven of sagebrush and big skies, the Methow. I’m seeking someone to join me here for a life of small-scale homesteading, frequent travel, warm social times, and occasional mind-blowing adventures. woodsy_artsy_smartsy, 40

I SWALLOWED A BUTTERFLY

I love used books with sweet inscriptions. Kitten purrs make every thing better. I am dedicated to my personal work and seek a partner who is committed to his personal work too while we make time for fun and connection. Lady_Grey, 37

MUST LOVE NERDS

MEN SEEKING WOMEN

TOKEN BLACK SURFER

I’ve recently arrived from Toronto, after a 7 year vacation, but because I never said Eh! enough time in my sentences had to relocate. Big sports fan, avid bookworm, and overall fun loving guy. datfunnyguy, 36

CALM AND FUN

Honestly, I’m a hopeless romantic but not looking for anything serious. I would be the best person you ever find a friend in and will make you feel like the world is a better place. But,ask for honesty and sanity. newguyseadt, 25

WITH RESPECT TO ALL THINGS

I invite one woman for investing a mere few moments of her time to share together and see if we want to build on a moment creating and communicating

PROFILE OF THE WEEK

CLASSY WOMAN WITH FIERCE PERSONALITY

FIT GREAT GUY

Open on what I’m looking for.... at the very least fwb.... open to dating, possible ltr.. I’m in good shape, and wanting someone to spend time with.. i’m 5’11, redblonde hair, blue eyes, 185 lbs. live in Lake Stevens... LookingForU, 39

INTROSPECTIVE INDIE NERD, LOW MILES

Hi there! Oh boy, shy and back to dating, Hopeful/cynical, too weird for the squares and too square for the weirdos... or just right? Into indie stuff, the Golden Rule, black humor, low-key fun, potential physical affection. Yes? LangdonAlger, 41

BRAINS ARE SEXY.

Superficial aesthetics are no substitute for intellect.

30 year old Woman Seeks a Man for Casual Dating, Long-term Relationship www. com

4. If this action has not been filed with the court, you may demand that the petitioner file this action with the court. If you do so, the demand must be in writing and must be served upon the person signing this summons. Within 14 days after you serve the demand, the petitioner must file this action with the court, or the service on you of this summons will be void.

5. If you wish to seek the advice of an attorney in this matter, you should do so promptly so that your written response, if any, may be served on time.

6. One method of serving a copy of your response on the petitioner is to send it by certified mail with return receipt requested.

This summons is issued pursuant to RCW 4.28.100 and Superior Court Civil Rule 4.1 of the state of Washington.

Dated: Pro Se Jeffrey Fosie Signature of Petitioner or Lawyer/WSBA No. File original of your response with the clerk of the court at: Clerk of the Court

I am an optimistic, fun loving, energetic personality that loves to explore new places, meet new people, and challenge my wits. I welcome all opportunities for laughter and new experiences in this life. melacase31, 31

DOWNTOWN GIRL

I Am A Hippie Chick Who Doesn’t Want To Be Judged By How I Look But What Is Inside. I Am A Kind Person . Laid Back. I Am Unconventional And Considered A Little Wierd By Less Enlighten Souls. Downtowngirl69, 44

SWEET, FEISTY,DOWN TO EARTH

I’m a career driven woman who hasn’t forgotten the value of good relationships, and I’ve reached a point of wanting to find one. As my career begins to take off, I would love to find someone I can share my life with. Whether they are in the same industry as me (film) or not; I want someone I can put my guard down with and turn the business off every once in a while. I’m drawn to intelligent creative men who allow themselves to be young at heart. And good kissers ;) sweetp83

Let us know if you would like to be featured in the Stranger. If selected, you will receive a 2 week complimentary subscription. Visit: thestranger. selectalternatives.com/gyrobase/Personals/Contact

into one very special connection we both can grow into. Realized_Dreamer, 37

SMART FUN AND RELIABLE

I’m the one for you if you like sweetness combined with a direct, no-nonsense approach to life, communication, and relationships.I’m looking for someone to date, have amazing sex with, and see if a longer term companionship/partnership develops. ardorgirl, 42

TATTOED HOPELESS ROMANTIC

I’m looking for someone to challenge me. A best friend to have adventures with. I like to be silly and make the most out of every moment. I have a fairly decent collection of tattoos and plans for many more. baby_firefly, 35

I WROTE THIS SONG

I guess I’m somewhere between a Den Mother and a Sex Kitten. You will probably not understand at first why you like me so much unless you are WAY smart. I think “Drunk History” is hilarious. My dresses are pretty. RedOne, 40

Im a easy laid back guy just looking to see if maybe i can find a match.I keep things simple and drama free and know how to have fun.Outdoor activities is also a plus or stay in and watch movies. dekreame, 32

LIFE IN IT’S FULLEST

Hello, I am interested in an intelligent woman, who is active, funny, compassionate and passionate for good and stupid conversations, good food, passionate encounters and a general fun time. I have a good life, Join me on an adventure. Wanderingbob, 59

HOMEBODY LISTENER LOVER

Hi, facing my fears! Friendly, kind, caring, waiting for that right lady to come into my life. Even though I am older I am trying to start my lovelife which I have recently found to be ready and willing! balint, 42

water (kayaking, sailing, ), looking for creative compatible “partner in crime, “ depending what NSA thinks is worth reviewing. Bonus points if you can make it through drink without checking phone. squashman, 44

WOMEN SEEKING WOMEN

PESCATARIAN, MUSIC JUNKIE, TATTOOED, PISCES. Hopes of meeting an interested girl or just making some new friends. I’m 21, a cosmetology graduate, and on the path to bartending. Love anything creative and pleasing to the senses. I like to dance, cook, adventure, and have fun. ModifiedMisses, 21

CHILL, HONEST, FUN, OPENMINDED, ARTISTIC I’m a hairstylist and I live in Seattle.I like live music, traveling,trying new things,going out,going to mov ies,walks,skateboarding,cam ping,hiking, etc. My biggest turn off is dishonesty or people who play games.I’m interested in people who will eventually like to meet in person. Jonesy, 37

MEN SEEKING MEN

ENERGETIC, EASY GOING, PEOPLE PLEASER

I am a selfless person, always looking to make someones day just a little bit better. Tell me what you dont like about yourself, and I will find a way to change your mind. Little bit of a hopeless romantic. Nocturnal_Flame, 20

SMART, FUNNY & INTO IT

Successful guy has some passionate impulses that he likes to act on often. Well traveled, worldly/sophisticated, sociable, charismatic, thoughtful, creative but grounded, reality based but provocative, love performing arts, intelligent, driven, ambitious, hysterically funny if you get smart humor.... m4mORALguy, 52

SAVAGE LOVE

Lotion Up BY

DAN SAVAGE

My girlfriend always responds positively when I initiate sex with her, but she hardly ever initiates sex with me. I’m a no-beat-around-thebush kind of guy, but I realize that this can be a sensitive topic, and I don’t want to scare her by saying, “Please initiate sex more often!” So I do small things to coax her and let her know that I want her to initiate. I will lotion up in front of her after we shower. Or I’ll say something like “I wanted to fuck last night—maybe you can wear one of your sexy bras and thongs one day soon?” But it hasn’t worked. The only time she’ll initiate is if I haven’t initiated for a while and she’s sexually frustrated. But that can take days!

Girlfriend Rarely Initiates Naked

hostage to get what he wants. But if you’re worried—maybe his mother is neglectful and/or nuts—you might want to listen to Episode 364 of the Savage Lovecast (you can find that episode, and 363 others, at savagelovecast.com).

Wow, GRIND, your girlfriend is pretty fucking dense. I’m surprised she remembers to breathe in her sleep.

I mean, she actually heard you say, “I wanted to fuck last night—maybe you can wear one of your sexy bras and thongs one day soon?” and somehow didn’t realize that what you meant was “Please initiate sex more often.” And she’s seen you smearing lotion on yourself after showering and somehow didn’t realize that you wanted her to start initiating sex once in a while. Amazing. A boyfriend smearing lotion on himself—who doesn’t know what that means?

Um. Yeah. No.

Sorry, GRIND, but you’re the dense one in this relationship. The likely takeaway from “I wanted to fuck last night—maybe you can wear one of your sexy bras and thongs one day soon?” is “I wanted to fuck last night, but the granny panties/pajama bottoms/hazmat Spanx you were wearing were such a turnoff that I couldn’t get it up. You suck at this girlfriend shit.” And while seeing your boyfriend “lotion up” after a shower may inspire lust, it doesn’t communicate a very specific need like “Please initiate sex more often.” The only thing it communicates for sure is “My boyfriend isn’t going to put up with dry skin.”

You want your girlfriend to initiate sex more often? Tell her you want her to initiate sex more often. Trust me, GRIND, that straightforward request will display more sensitivity to your girlfriend’s feelings—and will be less crazy-making—than a potentially confidence-shredding statement like “Hey, I wanted to fuck you last night but you were wearing the wrong panties” or the conspicuous application of skin moisturizer. But even if you’re straight with her, GRIND, things are unlikely to change. She initiates when she’s horny/sexually frustrated, but she obviously has a lower libido than you do and gets horny/sexually frustrated at intervals that leave you frustrated. Your desire for her cranks her up, so she’s good to go when you initiate. But she’s unlikely to feel the urge to initiate as often as you would like her to regardless.

I’m a 21-year-old female college student going to school on the East Coast. Two days ago, I broke up with my manipulative, controlling, insecure, long-distance boyfriend of one year. I truly care for this man, but I need to live my life the way I want to, and that wasn’t possible in this relationship. The problem is, he’s been leaving voice mails, texting, and e-mailing me threatening suicide. I’ve told his mother about this, but I don’t think she’s taking it seriously. I feel horrible, but I refuse to get sucked back into his problems. How can I deal with this serious threat without getting personally involved?

Single And Worried

Your ex-boyfriend’s mom presumably knows her son better than you do, SAW, and she isn’t taking his threats seriously. So it’s possible that he has a long history of manipulating people with idle suicide threats, essentially taking himself

I took a question from a man whose girlfriend threatened suicide when he tried to dump her. Jill Harkavy-Friedman of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention had some excellent advice for him. Summing it up: Alert his friends and relatives, and pass the AFSP’s hotline number (1-800-273TALK) on to them and on to the person making the threat. I would add: Don’t respond to his texts or voice mails, consider blocking his number, and forward any truly worrying e-mails to his mother.

My girlfriend snooped on my browser history the other day specifically to see what porn I had been looking at. I’ve told her I look at porn a few times a week, and she said she didn’t mind. She asked me what type of stuff I usually look at, and I was mostly honest. My viewing habits are pretty vanilla except for BBW porn. It’s not my go-to, but it was what she found in my browser history the day she snooped. She had some issues, and I don’t know how to address them. I’m not more attracted to overweight women than other women, but sometimes that type just does it for me. Compounding this, my girlfriend is overweight—not on par with the women in the videos I watched—and now she’s worried that her weight is the only reason I’m attracted to her. It’s not! How can I explain this to her and put her mind at ease?

Busted Boyfriend Worries

If you looked only at porn that featured conventionally attractive women—all those skinny bitches—your girlfriend would be worried that you’re not attracted to her because of her size. But she caught you looking at BBW porn, and now she’s worried that her size is the only reason you’re attracted to her. I don’t think you can win this one, BBW, but you can try saying this to her: “I like women of all shapes and sizes, honey, including yours—as you can clearly see if you look at all the porn sites I’ve visited, instead of just obsessing about that particular one.” I don’t think it’ll do much good, because your girlfriend probably doesn’t want you looking at porn at all—saying it’s okay, snooping, and grilling aren’t signs of “okay with porn.” So use private browsing, clear your browser history, or watch porn on a secure computer in a secret, undisclosed location.

HATE CRIME: One of the shitbags invited to speak at the gay-bash-a-thon known as the Values Voter Summit in Washington, DC, earlier this month called homophobia a myth. He said gay people are not victims. We are the violent and intolerant ones, he argued, and Bible-believing Christians like him are the real victims. Later that very same day—October 12—a gay man was attacked in New Glasgow, Nova Scotia, in an apparent hate crime. Scott Jones was stabbed twice in the back and his throat was slashed. He survived the attack, but his spinal cord was severed and he is now paralyzed from the waist down. Scott is Canadian and has access to high-quality medical care because socialism. But Scott faces a long struggle, and there will be expenses—retrofitting his home, loss of income—that he’ll need help with. If you have a few bucks or loonies to spare, please consider making a donation at supportscottjones.com.

Subscribe to a new season of the Save Lovecast at savagelovecast.com.

mail@savagelove.net @fakedansavage on Twitter

Donahue, MA, LMFT (206) 486-2655 www.nicoledonahue.com

University of Washington Research Study Department of Medicine Testosterone & Prostate Study

Men are needed to participate in a study looking at the effects of testosterone on the prostate gland. This study will be conducted at the University of Washington, Seattle. It involves the use of two investigational drugs and a prostate biopsy. The study involves 9 visits over a period of 5 months.

To be eligible you must be: 25-55 years of age, Male, In good health, Not taking medications on a daily basis. Volunteers will be reimbursed for their time and inconvenience for each study visit completed and may be compensated up to  $1,000.

If interested, call 206-616-1818 (volunteer line) and ask for more information about the PROS-2 study. Stephanie Page, MD, PhD; William Bremner, MD, PhD; John Amory, MD, MPH; Daniel Lin, MD

ADOPTION

Devoted, nurturing, loving gay couple looking to adopt first baby into a family offering education, fun, travel, laughter, and unconditional love and support. Call, TEXT, or email anytime about Kyle & Adrian; 971-238-9651 or kyleandadrianfamily@gmail.com or visit kyleandadrianadoption.com

Ahh! Time to get *Ahh-thorized* 24/7 Patient Verification

Doctor-Nurse Owned Holistic Center 425-243-2441 or 888.508.5428

Seattle - Issaquah - Ellensburg AdvancedHolisticHealth.org

Be an Egg Donor

Are you a healthy woman in your 20’s who loves to help others, or know someone who is?

We would love to talk with you! Generous compensation. $250 Referral Bonus Call: 206-515-0042 or email: DonorEggBank@pnwfertility.com

Donate Your Car, Truck or Motorcycle

Support Big Brothers Big Sisters of Puget Sound. We offer free pickup of used vehicles in most cases running or not. Tax deductible. (206) 248-5982

GrowRa~ All You Need is a Seed

The first 20 GrowRa’s sold will be $300 OFF the regular price. This is a complete grow system see our website for more details. www.GrowRa.com

Major credit cards accepted LEGENDARY PIANIST AVAILABLE Opened for Jeff Bridges! Clubs, Weddings, Parties

I’m Richard Peterson, 64 year old composer, arranger, and pianist. I’m available to play parties, weddings, clubs, shows, etc. $200/gig. Covers and originals. Please call 206-325-5271, Thank You! CD available. Must have piano!

SEX OFFENDER REGISTRATION GOT YOU DOWN? We may be able to help to remove that requirement. The Meryhew Law Group, PLLC (206)264-159 www.meryhewlaw.com

TEASE Pin-Up Be a pin-up! Featuring costumes, hair + makeup, and retouching. Women-owned and operated. www.teasepinup.com