OUT OF BODY (AND MECHANICAL) EXPERIENCES
Divorce, Italian-Style: Take Two It’s been a while since I wrote my piece “Divorce, Italian-Style” (in the August 2015 issue of New Jersey Automotive, to be exact). That said, I honestly can’t tell you how traumatic the last six years have been. To recap briefly, I had been hooking up with a local pizzeria in Nutley since 1962. It got serious as I grew into puberty, and it became a marriage not too long after. For over 50 years, I was madly in love with her. Her sauce, her cheese (sigh). I lived for it every Sunday. But after a rough few years and one final incident (all documented in the August 2015 article), I could not take it anymore and just had to say goodbye forever. Now, let me be honest. Although she was BY FAR the best I had ever had and I was monogamous for at least the first 20 or so years, I did stray here and there. I mean, I lived in North Jersey all my life. How can any person be expected to be loyal to only one pizzeria forever in this area of the world? Still, I was discreet. And I always went back on Sundays.
10 | New Jersey Automotive | July 2021
by THOMAS GRECO, PUBLISHER
But since I left, it’s been one one-night stand after another. I went back to some of those old mistresses to see if there was any chance of taking the next step. I dated Star Tavern in Orange. She’s one hell of a slice, but she isn’t you-know-who. There was Pizza Town USA in Elmwood Park more than a few times. She has a hell of a body and texture, but she’s boardwalk pizza. I was used to a higher class. After her, I hit on some of the social media darlings. Santillo’s Brick Oven Pizza in Elizabeth, the Kardashian of pizza, was amazing. But like a Kardashian, she couldn’t live up to the hype. I made my way north to the immortal Pizza Land, the place we all know from the beginning of The Sopranos. She was very good, but I like curves. Pizza Land was a little too thin for my taste. Bruno’s in Clifton was a damn good companion. The Sicilian was as unique as Sophia Loren, but I wasn’t interested in a long-distance romance. (In other words, the pizza would be cold by the time I got home.)
