N.10 / V.46
BECOME AN OFFICER. GAIN EARLY RESPONSIBILITY AND LEADERSHIP SKILLS.
ACCELERATEYOURLIFE.CO.NZ
ZDF0537
SCAN AND SEEK OUT MORE.
nexus magazine
EDITOR RACHAEL ELLIOTT
CONTENTS
EDITOR@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ DESIGN HAYLIE GRAY MANAGING EDITOR JAMES RAFFAN CONTRIBUTORS
— _03
Editorial
_04
Lettuce to the Editor
_05
News
_08
News from the University
_09
Sport
_10
Ridiculist & Vox Pops
_11
Reviews
_14
Honest Matt
_15
Horoscopes & Playlist
_16
Auteur
_17
Arts and Stuff
_18
Travel
_19
Awesome Dead Person
_20
G.I.Y. Grow it Yourself
_22
How to get a Fashionable Flat on a
Student Budget
_25
D.I.Y.: Lego for Adults
_28
We Want You!... To Home Brew
SPORTS GUY GABRIEL BANKIER-PERRY CHRISTOPHER YOUSEF-KADER ANARU WARREN SARA LEMME DR RICHARD SWAINSON BLAIR MUNRO HP KEVIN PRYOR ALEX BARLOW MIKE BILODEAU JULES CRAFT MATT HICKS BEATS BY J PETER DORNAUF TEE-SHIP LOUISE HUTT AUNTY SLUT MELODY WILKINSON ZAC LYON MEL MARTIN ALIX HIGBY JESSICA WILSON AMBER CARDALE RYAN WOOD AARON LETCHER CHRISTIE SHAW BETH PEARSALL MACAILA PESCUD DANIEL COLLINS CARL UNTERNAHRER THE PIE MEN MARK SAVAGE PHOTOGRAPHY LOUISE HUTT DESIGN INTERNS ELLIE BROOKS OLIVIA PARIS ROSE ROGERS
_30 Columns
ADVERTISING ADS@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ
_37
The Bank Blind Date
OFFICES
_38
The President's Column
_39
Advice
GROUND FLOOR STUDENT UNION BUILDING GATE ONE, UNIVERSITY OF WAIKATO KNIGHTON ROAD, HAMILTON ONLINE
_40 Notices
NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ FACEBOOK.COM/NEXUSNZ
_41 Recipe
@NEXUSMAG SPOTIFY: NEXUSMAGAZINE
2
nexusmag.co.nz
_42 Puzzles
nexus magazine
EDITORIAL RACHAEL ELLIOTT
—
T
his editorial was supposed to be about DIY. I even had a cool story
get very, very wet.
to tell. But let’s be honest, you don’t want to hear about the sick
The guy who set up the tank assured me that the hose had been lying
treehouse I built when I was ten, do you? You want to hear about
in the burning sun for hours before he filled it up, so the water was nice
me getting dropped in the dunk tank. Sadists. It was a typical Waikato winter morning- cold, damp and miserable, and
for those of you who haven’t been up before 10 all year (jealous), it’s fuck-
and warm. But I’m no fool, I saw Dom come out steaming. I knew it was more likely to be the temperature of my horse’s water trough, which I had broken a film of ice on earlier that morning.
ing cold at 8am- people were wearing scarves. But when I walked onto
So I relinquished my NIN hoodie, and climbed up onto the seat. I
the green and saw that tank, I just knew I’d end up in it. I’m not normally
instantly regretted giving up my hoodie even though I knew I’d want it
the first to volunteer for shit like this, and I considered hiding, but the
later, (and I was also just a little bit worried that I might drown with all that
thing about having ginger hair to my ass is that I’m pretty noticeable. So
fabric holding me under.) Dom had warned me that he’d hit the bottom of
I wandered over to say hello to the Edge crew, glad I wasn’t wearing
the tank fairly hard, and despite the fact that I weigh about half of what
anything that might get wrecked, and resigned to the fact that I was get-
he does, I still had misgivings: a broken tailbone is NOT on my to-do list
ting in a bucket.
right now. Worrying about that took my mind off the water- for about three
Dom was much taken by my vulva necklace, (I encourage anyone interested in a piece of vulva art to check out vulvalovelovely on facebook- you
seconds. And then someone yelled “Cool story bro” and the tiny seat I was on gave way.
won’t regret it) and they were all very keen to get me involved in their
It wasn’t as cold as I thought it would be- but it was still pretty cold. I
“Cool Story Bro” segment. (Someone calls in with a cool story, if it’s actu-
didn’t have time to grab my nose, so my sinuses are still full of water. I
ally cool they win $100, if it’s lame, they get nothing, and someone ends
think I’m thawed out, but this could be some kind of skewed hypothermic
up in the water.)
reality. I didn’t hit the bottom though, my tailbone is intact. Dignity? Not so
But I knew that no matter how cool the story was that I was about to
much. But check out the photo- it was totally fucking worth it.
3
LETTUCE
nexus magazine
Rap to the Editor PART 7
need support sometimes too. Maybe you should actually read and try to comprehend one of her articles, they're not there just for a laugh or for entertainment, her articles are helping girls and women around campus, (although i'm sure you don't really care about them).
Patiently waiting for the numbers to come up in the lottery, hair as fine as the brush strokes on the Mona Lisa, perfectly sculpted mind like Xi'an's terracotta pottery.
Love, Evil Feminist.
If thoughts ever turned to reality, it would make my heart so f@#king jittery, and be as magical as David Blaine disappearing the Statue of Liberty.
Ironically, this is an Opinion
Slurp It CONCERNED OF NGARUAWAHIA
ANONYMOUS
Nexus suddenly reads like someone had just started printing off tumblr blogs. Thoughtless snippets instead of news stories, social justice warriors acting like special little snow-
Dear Aunty Slut,
flakes, and review columns tailored to hipsters and only
If you threw a dinner party, is this what you’d serve? And do
hipsters. Could you go back to journalism and print less
you even have time to cut carrots into flowers?
opinion? Ta.
And More Cunt ANONYMOUS
I read Nexus every week so was shocked to see a lettuce having a go at Aunty Slut. Maybe the best feature the magazine has seen in awhile. So to see some “red blooded New Zealand male” having a go at the content. Real men are not
Cunt
scared about sexually crude material, maybe those that have short comings. At the end of the day you don’t like it don’t read it. Muppet.
EVIL FEMINIST
DISCLAIMER: Letters published contain the opinion of the writer and the writer alone. Nexus publications take no responsibility for the content or opinions so expressed. By submitting your letter you give consent to its
Dear A Red Blooded NZ Male, I'm so sorry. It must be really hard for everything to not revolve around you for once. How dare there be an article that is focussing on women!
publication in Nexus and subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors own work and Nexus will not edit to compensate for lack of intelligence or coherency. Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse to publish any letter which breaches any
Nobody has the same interests and opinions, nobody is going to find every single thing interesting and personally, I love reading Aunty Slut's articles because they make me feel more secure as a woman, and her page is the first I always flip to in a new nexus edition.
law, is defamatory to any person, or con-
I think that you have to learn to deal with the fact that not
tains threats of violence or hate speech.
everything revolves around men, and that women actually
4
nexusmag.co.nz
Got something to say? Email editor@nexusmag.co.nz
nexus magazine
NEWS
KILLER ROBOT REGULATION ON THE CARDS FOR UN
IMAGINE A WORLD WHERE STUDENTS CAN AFFORD TO RUN THE HEATER IN WINTER SARA LEMME
—
ANARU WARREN
— Legislation governing prospective arsenal technology dubbed "killer robots", as well as other lethal autonomous weapons is to be discussed during informal talks at the UN Convention on Certain Conventional Weapons in Geneva this November. The technology is yet to be released, or even developed, but advances will bring fully autonomous robots that can select and engage a target with only human initiative as its control. Despite controversy surrounding drones, they will not be discussed at the convention. Professor Arkin from the Georgia
The New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations
from a benefit into study, or from a low-paid job into
has highlighted a problem that many students might
having a qualification that could potentially move
not be aware of. That is, if you weren’t a student, your
someone out of poverty, if that choice is completely
accommodation supplement would be a lot higher. When you receive the student allowance, you’re also entitled to help with rent, if you need it. The
unaffordable”, said Haines who would like to see the cap at least adjusted to appropriately reflect rent increases.
accommodation benefit was calculated initially
In Auckland the housing rental market is a grow-
at 50% of the average rental cost in certain areas,
ing problem for students and non-students alike.
with the cap at $40 per week. This cap has been in
Since 2009 the median average for a two bedroom
place since 2001. The Accommodation Supplement
room has risen 15 percent across Auckland’s 30
that non-students are entitled to is capped at $145
suburbs. In the same time period inflation only rose
per week in certain parts of Auckland, and $100 for
8.9 percent while average wage in Auckland rose 9.7
Institute of Technology hopes killer robots would significantly reduce non-combatant casualties but also feared they would be rushed into battle before this was accomplished. "I support a moratorium until that end is achieved, but I do not support a ban at this time" said Professor Arkin.
LONDON: BILLIONAIRE CENTRAL ANARU WARREN
—
“WHERE’S THE INCENTIVE TO MOVE FROM A BENEFIT INTO STUDY, OR FROM A LOW-PAID JOB INTO HAVING A QUALIFICATION THAT COULD POTENTIALLY MOVE SOMEONE OUT OF POVERTY, IF THAT CHOICE IS COMPLETELY UNAFFORDABLE...”
those in Hamilton (and other expensive areas such
percent. Those wage rises are high when compared
as Wellington).
with the national average of 4.6 percent across the
The cap has been reached by all the main cities
same period however it is still significant when you
over the past years, with Auckland first in 2003 and
consider the impact on students who are usually in
even holes-in-the-walls-for-waste Dunedin reached
low paid part time jobs. If rent continues to rise at a
theirs. NZUSA has made the message clear, rents
rate significantly faster than either wage or inflation
have gone up and the support has not.
then there is a real chance that Auckland will become
London supersedes Moscow and New York as home to more
NZUSA President Daniel Haines made the very
billionaires [sterling pounds] than any other city. The Sunday
well-known point that “In Wellington and Auckland
a desolate hellscape where everyone is simply fighting for scraps and survival. Either that or (god forbid)
Times reported that overall, the U.K. is home to more billionaires
in particular, the total student support available – the
they all have to go and study in Massey where they
per capita than any other country. The capital city is home for
allowance plus the accommodation benefit – is less
can afford to live.
more than 72 dynasties worth more than £1bn ($1.94bn NZD),
than the average rent”.
Let us here in Hamilton, who can afford an avocado
with the majority being born abroad. The second most billion-
“The fact is, every other low-income New Zealander
every now and then, take a moment to remember our
aire dense city is Moscow (48), followed by New York (43) and
qualifies for rent assistance based on the cost of their
Auckland unemployed student comrades living on
San Francisco (42).
rent, students don’t. Where’s the incentive to move
noodles and gin.
5
nexus magazine
HPV JAB COULD BECOME UNISEX GABRIEL BANKIER-PERRY
— Funding from the Health Research Council has allowed Dr Helen Petousis-Harris the opportunity to examine the predominance of human papillomavirus (HPV) in New Zealand, particularly in males. HPV is currently known as a leading contributor causing cervical cancer in women as well as being related to other cancers of the mouth, throat, penis and anus in men. Harris, Director of Immunization Research and Vaccinology, at the University of Auckland Immunization Advisory Centre, articulates the increasing incidence of HPV-related cancers among men overseas. The statistics in New Zealand may be similar to Australia, but are not yet understood clearly. A particular highlight of the
cer in homosexual men, which is shown to be twenty-fold higher
FORESTRY SHAME
than in the general population. “Many issues relating to HPV and
CHRISTOPHER YOUSEF KADER
study will be afforded to the concerning occurrence of anal can-
vaccination in males are poorly understood in the New Zealand context. There are no data on HPV prevalence among males, and little understanding of HPV awareness and vaccine acceptability among men for a vaccine promoted to date as an intervention to prevent cervical cancer,” says Dr Petousis-Harris.
— New Zealand's forestry industry has the highest number of fatalities in any workplace and six times the number of accident compensation applications. 31 people died in forestry accidents between July 2007 and August 2013.That's four times the number of forestry workers killed in Canada in the same period, a country which had 29,000
“HPV IS CURRENTLY KNOWN AS A LEADING CONTRIBUTOR CAUSING CERVICAL CANCER IN WOMEN AS WELL AS BEING RELATED TO OTHER CANCERS OF THE MOUTH, THROAT, PENIS AND ANUS IN MEN.”
workers in the industry, compared to New Zealand's 4500. Australia had 6,800 forestry workers. In the past year we've had 10 deaths, surpassing Australia's average workplace fatalities in forestry by 7 times. These facts are back in the media due to the inquest by Coroner Wallace Bain into two forestry deaths. Dr Bain said it was hoped the inquests would prove "the beginning of a path" to prevent forestry deaths.
6
nexusmag.co.nz
nexus magazine
RIGHT TO BE FORGOTTEN SARA LEMME
— The EU Court of Justice has ruled that Internet
A FIDDLER IN THE ROOF CHRISTOPHER YOUSEF KADER
— Members of the House Judiciary and Foreign Affairs committees have heard that Israel's current espionage activities in the United States are "unrivalled and unseemly". A series of reports currently making the rounds on the internet lay out some of the allegations senior American counter-
“inadequate, irrelevant, or no longer relevant”. While the
Companies such as Google can be required to remove
result is a victory for ordinary individuals, whose rights
irrelevant or excessive information from their search
to control over their personal data have been deemed
results. The precedent arose when a Spanish man
paramount, a “public interest defence” still exists to
searched his name on Google and kept coming across
preserve certain information relating to public figures.
links about bad debts he resolved through the sale of
Google sees the result as censorship, in line with the
his house in 1998. His subsequent action for infringe-
lobby group “Index of Censorship” describing the ruling
ment of privacy against the search giant highlighted an
as “violating the fundamental principles of freedom of
ongoing tension between free speech advocates and
expression” and akin to “marching into a library and
the supporters of privacy rights.
forcing it to pulp books”. It’s good to know that Google
This ‘control’ specifically means that search engines
and the Index of Censorship defend the display of our
could be required to, on request, remove informa-
dirty laundry.
tion which related to people where it appeared to be
intelligence experts have brought against Israeli spying operations in a classified briefing. The primary target of the spying was said to be America's industrial secrets. One former American official said Israel regularly tries to pump US scientists and defense industry officials for information at conferences
BANKING ON A GREEN FUTURE
and trade shows. Many who testified were shocked by the brazen offers of drugs and sex "no matter how high the official".
GABRIEL BANKIER-PERRY
— “SO THE ROOM WAS ALL QUIET, HE WAS JUST MEDITATING ON HIS TOES, AND HE HEARS A NOISE IN THE VENT. AND HE SEES THE VENT CLIPS BEING MOVED FROM THE INSIDE.”
One of the weirder incidents which was mentioned occurred in 1998 in the bathroom of then-Vice President Al Gore during a stay in Israel. After Secret Service agents had swept his room one decided to stay behind for
The Green Party have proposed to set up a govern-
Greens co-leader Russel Norman grilled Finance
ment-backed investment bank to support 'green
Minister Bill English during question time over the
capital' enterprises in clean energy and technology.
Government's rejection of the proposal. English main-
The bank would be funded by ramping up tax on oil
tained that private enterprise is doing a sufficiently
companies by over half from 46% to 70%, which is more
good job at changing to sustainable practices, and that
in line with international norms. It would be expected
politically motivated investment institutions are always
to meet operational costs from returns on investment,
a highly risky idea. Norman countered by pointing to
and be financially self-sufficient.
Australia’s profitable Clean Energy Finance Corp, which
“Without the right policies, price signals and supportive
runs on a similar model.
a moment. “So the room was all quiet, he was just meditating on his toes,
partner institutions in place, private capital has contin-
If it went ahead, Greens predict up to $100 million could
and he hears a noise in the vent. And he sees the vent clips being moved
ued to fund carbon and resource intense investments
be invested in its first year, building up to a goal of $1
from the inside. And then he sees a guy starting to exit the vent into the
in New Zealand while starving the emerging clean-tech
billion in investments by 2020. It would seek private
room" a senior official reported. Rather than react forcefully, “he kind of
sector of the capital it needs to take off,” read a policy
sector partners, and initially target the areas of carbon
coughed and the guy went back into the vent.”
document the Greens released.
reduction and energy efficiency.
7
nexus magazine
NEWS FROM THE UNIVERSITY
CHANGES TO STUDENT EMAIL ADDRESSES — From 5 July 2014 the University is removing the @waikato. ac.nz alias for all University-supplied student email addresses. This means that from this date you will only be able to use your username@students.waikato.ac.nz email address and will no longer receive any emails sent to the @waikato.ac.nz alias. This change will improve the speed and security of our email network for all users. Make sure to let your contacts know, and check that your website login and subscriptions details are updated before 5 July 2014.
FREE PUBLIC LECTURE ON EDUCATION ASSESSMENT THIS WEEK —
NEED CAREER ADVICE? —
This month’s Inaugural Professorial Lecture is by Faculty of Education’s Professor Bronwen Cowie, Director of the Wilf Malcolm Institute of Educational Research. In her lecture, The
Do you need advice on CV and cover letter writing or job searching? Career Development
politics of evidence: Assessment agenda, Professor Cowie considers the influence of one-
Services holds drop-in sessions every Wednesday between 10am and 12pm in the Student Centre,
size-fits-all global testing regimes and whether they work for New Zealand students and
room 2.31, next to the Student Administration Desk. No appointment needed.
teachers. The lecture is on Tuesday 20 May at 6pm at the Academy. The Opus Bar is open from 5pm.
SHARE YOUR OPINION, WIN CASH/PRIZES — The University is giving you the opportunity to tell us what you think about life at Waikato Uni. Complete our Domestic Student Barometer Survey and you will be in the draw to win some awesome prizes, including tablets, smart phones, and $1,000 cash. This survey is open to all domestic students
THANK YOU FOR NOT SMOKING —
and runs until Friday 6 June. Check your inbox for the link (sent Wednesday 14 May). International students were surveyed in 2013.
A reminder to students that the entire University of Waikato campus is totally Smokefree. This includes areas by the lakes, under trees, and anywhere that is part of the campus grounds or adjoining school grounds. If you smoke, please leave the campus grounds completely before lighting up. More information, including a map showing the campus boundaries, is available at www.waikato.ac.nz/about/smokefree.shtml
8
nexusmag.co.nz
nexus magazine
THE IMPORTANCE OF A PITCHER. SPORTS GUY - OPINION
— This week we talk baseball. Generally, all the fame of a big win goes to the big guy who hits the walk off home run, or the guy who hits any walk off ball for that matter. Too often, a pitcher’s performance can be overlooked or overshadowed. Well no more. Here are a few of the best pitchers in Major League Baseball at the moment, their stats and their team records. Adam Wainwright (starting pitcher) – St. Louis Cardinals (19-19) Wainwright tops my list. Why? Because when he is at the mound, the Cardinals are near impossible to stop. No doubt they have the power in their batting line up that makes them capable of scoring runs, but it is Wainwright’s ability to stop the opponents scoring runs that appeals to me. He has an ERA of 2.02 and a record of 6-2. Other pitchers on the roster have similar records (Lynn 4-2, Miller 5-2) but Wainwright’s ability to stop the opposing hitters from scoring is incredible. In 58 innings (a minimum of 174 batters faced), Wainwright has given up only 40 hits (an average of .193) and 13 runs, and has also struck out 52 people. His intense defence makes him my favourite pitcher in the league right now. Max Scherzer (starting pitcher) – Detroit Tigers (21-12) Max Scherzer is a beast; a strike out machine. Boasting an ERA of 2.04 and a win-loss record of 5-1, Scherzer his head and shoulders above the rest of the pitchers in the league. He has pitched a total of 53 innings so far this season, allowing 38 hits (at an average of .200) and only 12 runs (5 of these being home runs), while he has stuck out a huge 66 batters. There is a reason Detroit have always been a feature of the post season in recent years – their bullpen is stacked. A pen containing Justin Verlander, Rick Porcello and Max Scherzer are always going to be tough to beat. Jordan Lyles (starting pitcher) – Colorado Rockies (23-17) Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d be giving credit to anything about the Rockies, who have been extremely mediocre in recent years. This season they’ve turned things around completely, following the lead of their ace, Jordan Lyles. Lyles has been playing some strong baseball at this early stage in the season. With a record of 5-0, he’s yet to register a loss. Lyles is an interesting watch for me, because he owes credit to his hitters, as they do to him. His ERA is slightly higher than that of Scherzer and Wainwright (Lyles’ ERA is 2.66) yet he hasn’t been beaten yet. In 50.2 innings, he has given away 41 hits and 16 runs (only 3 home runs), and has struck out 32. The Rockies boast the best run difference in the entire league (+55). Meaning their hitters can hit and their pitchers don’t let the other team; Lyles being the leading light of the latter. If the Rockies continue to play this way then they’ll be fun to watch down the stretch. Francisco Rodriguez (closer) – Milwaukee Brewers (24-14) Closers play a very important role in the game of baseball. The ability to close out a game and earn the save is a highly sought after talent. None have been better at this so far this season than Milwaukee’s Francisco Rodriguez. Having only earned 1 win (0 losses), it is not the job of the closer to earn wins; it is their job to secure them. Rodriguez has had 16 opportunities, converting on a huge 15 of them. He has an ERA of only 0.45 and only allowed 9 hits and 1 run (which was a home run) in 20 innings pitched. The Brewers have found an extremely reliable option to help them close out games and secure victories; something they’ve been looking for for a long time.
9
nexus magazine
RIDICULIST
VOX POPS
Shit people expect me to do now I’m an adult.
Vox populi is a Latin phrase that literally means voice of the people.
1 Wake up before 11am Lectures? Work? Fuck that noise, stay in bed!
2
Conor, English. Have you ever made anything DIY, or what would you make if you were going to? I would build a shed, they’re made of basic shapes, they seem easy. Describe the person you like: She’s a superbabe. And funny. And intelligent and pretty and funny and smart. What’s the best piece of advice your mum ever gave you? Don’t do the bad drugs.
Not spend the day building a blanket fort The feeling of achievement this brings can only be superseded by drinking in your rad blanket fort.
Iris, Grad Dip Management & Comms. Have you ever made anything DIY, or what would you make if you were
3
going to? I helped my Dad make a chicken shed once. It was pretty swish,
Not climb trees with booze taped to my hands
glasses and a meerkat face. What’s the best piece of advice your mum ever
Trees were made for climbing, and if you do it with cider
gave you? When you’re feeling shitty- do something, like baking, go for a
taped to your hands that means you’re an adult, right?
4
it had a tile roof. Describe the person you like: He has brown/blonde hair,
walk or kill someone. It will make you feel better. Danny, Grad Dip Graphic Design. Have you ever made anything DIY, or what would you make if you were
Wear anything other than a hoodie and track pants
going to? I made a case for a Grandfather clock out of some nice rose
Go and buy seven hoodies and seven pairs of track pants.
coloured pine. Describe the person you like: Faaabulous and pretty awe-
(Or like, two of each.) Winter wardrobe = sorted.
some. She has all of the awesomes plus like, 15 awesomes. What’s the
5 Feed myself Pizza is a vegetable/Scurvy is a life choice.
6 Be nice to stupid people
best piece of advice your mum ever gave you? Don’t wear those shoes.
Haakon, Law. Have you ever made anything DIY, or what would you make if you were going to? I would make a kitchen table. Describe the person you like: Tall, blonde, blue eyes and a nice way of dressing. What’s the best piece of advice your mum ever gave you? Use a condom.
When a kid asks if you were dropped on your head as an infant it’s funny. When I do it it’s ‘unprofessional’.
7 Budget I never ask myself ‘would I rather buy food for the week, or vodka for tonight?’ I ask myself ‘how much vodka can I afford, I’ve got 2 minute noodles’.
8 Pay Bills See above.
Emma, Criminology. Have you ever made anything DIY, or what would you make if you were going to? I’ve made a bookshelf, a desk, a dresser, a fence... my dad’s a carpenter so. Describe the person you like: Usually tall, dark and handsome. What’s the best piece of advice your mum ever gave you? You’re smarter than you believe and braver than you think.
Jazz, Primary Teaching. Have you ever made anything DIY, or what would you make if you were going to? I’ve made fences, dressers and I spray painted some antlers once. That’s DIY. Describe the person you like: Not my ex. What’s the best
9
piece of advice your mum ever gave you? I’m special and can do much better than my sisters.
Clean Things The mould on the bathroom ceiling adds character, and the spiders are natural pest control.
Gregory, Education. Have you ever made anything DIY, or what would you make if you were
10 Know what I want to do with my life See all of the above.
10
nexusmag.co.nz
going to? I’ve built log cabins, shelves, shelters, tables, chairs. I build a lot of stuff. Describe the person you like: Honest, loyal and someone who remains true to themselves. What’s the best piece of advice your mum ever gave you? Try everything once.
nexus magazine
Belle FILM REVIEW BY DR RICHARD SWAINSON
The Amazing Spider-Man 2 FILM REVIEW BY BLAIR MUNRO
After the brutalities of the 2013 Oscar winner, Belle may seem to some a far too tame and oblique take on slavery. Nonetheless, it is as true and in some ways as extraordinary a tale as was 12 Years a Slave. The story of Dido Elizabeth Belle is a unique one which is well suited to bringing out the ironies of both that wretched institution of human bondage and the bizarre constrictions of the British class system. Belle - known as 'Dido' - was born in 1761, the illegitimate daughter of a well-bred Royal Navy captain and a slave. Raised in the household of her father's uncle, Lord Mansfield, the Lord Chief Justice of England, she is at once an aristocrat and a second class citizen. When Dido's father dies, leaving her a fortune, the situation becomes even more ironic. Though socially an outcast on account of her skin colour, as an heiress she offers money as well as position. Well-paced, pleasant on the eye and consistently engaging, Belle succeeds as a drama and history lesson. Gugu Mbatha-Raw and Sarah Gadon are charismatic screen presences as Dido and her cousin, capable thespians with heaving period bosoms. Acting wise the film is stolen by the incomparable Tom Wilkinson who plays Mansfield as a cross between a legal pedant and a wise if emotionally distant elder statesman. The only disappointment is how little Emily Watson and Miranda Richardson have to do. These once great actresses offer merely superficial performances, as much the fault of the script as the players.
I am a bigger Spider-Man fan than anyone I know, and I genuinely have more affection for Spider-Man than I do for most real people (and at least one of my pets). I am, therefore, uniquely qualified to review this movie. Despite my initial misgivings about Andrew Garfield, he humanises Peter Parker in a way Tobey Maguire and few of his contemporaries could. This, in my opinion, is one of the strongest parts of the film. Garfield's portrayal of Spider-Man rings true to the source material, cracking wise while dodging bullets, all to hide his fear for his own safety and the safety of New York. But it's Jamie Foxx who steals the show as Max Dillon. The electricalengineer-turned-supervillain is driven by his unhappiness with his own insignificance. In a city as populous as New York, it's all too easy for one man to become lost among the millions, something most of us have felt at one point or another. Max Dillon is piteous, which makes his transformation to the villain Electro that much more jarring; the aesthetic and attitude change, but the underlying man and motives do not. Those familiar with the comics may have discerned the conclusion of the film from the trailer. Even having done so myself, I was unprepared to see the events unfold on screen. It was completely unlike anything I've ever experienced in a movie. It was a very powerful, touching moment, and had me in tears.
11
nexus magazine
No Broadcast
Nocturnal
ALBUM REVIEW BY HP
ALBUM REVIEW BY JAMES RAFFAN
What’s so impressive about these Christchurch-based alternative rockers
Hollie Fullbrook probably didn’t dream about writing boring songs when
is the huge level of sound they get out of a three piece band. The barri-
she was a kid. She probably wanted to be an artist who only wrote about
cades of noise on their new album are no small feat for what is essentially
experiences that were true to her. The problem is that somewhere along
garage rock with minimalist production. This band was were previously
the course of her career she started getting praised for her work from every
named Anthesiac and having released two recordings under that name,
half credible music hack. Unfortunately as a country we seem too quick to
have revived under the name No Broadcast. This sees their return with an
praise lyrical complexity and convince ourselves that it is a musical state-
album of layered and aggressive rock.
ment. We are all looking for the next Lorde or Liam Finn and in the absence
Opening track, Reset the Sun is massive. The intricacies of guitar work lay
of real substance we convince ourselves of the merits of the mirage.
gently over greyscale guitar fuzz and smashing drumming. This album bur-
Fullbrook’s second release Tiny Ruins comes on the back of a supporting
rows down deeper from this point, finding tunnels and enclaves of metal
tour for Neil Finn and while she has inherited some of Finn’s sombre tone
amongst sweet moments of melody. The clear influence of American metal
she has very little of his accompanying charisma. In many respects Tiny
juggernaut Deftones is right through this band, however, No Broadcast
Ruins is the antithesis of last week’s album Iggy Azaleas “New Classic.”
keep their feet grounded in a number of sub-genres. They swell around
Azalea seems to have mastered the art of saying nothing of any value
the strings of drifting songs like Realise and punch right in the chest with
and allowing fresh beats and smart Cameos to hook in the audience.
songs like Constricted.
Meanwhile Tiny Ruins has some real substance to the music but the pre-
The album has a very distinct tone and feel to it that on first listen can
sentation is so boring it makes Coldplay look like Metallica.
seem impenetrable. Those great swathes of guitar noise and the dragging
Brightly Painted One meanders through songs like Me at the Museum,
vocals seem initially without hooks or choruses. These can be found with
You in The Wintergardens, Chainmail, and Jamie Blue, while never really
a bit more delving, however, a punchy anthem or rousing hook could bring
varying the style or tone and relying on Fullbrook’s haunting naked vocal to
these three from alternative rock on the fringes, to the kind of audiences
carry the album. Sadly it does not and the narrative never really progresses.
who have been waiting a long time for rock music to revive in New Zealand.
Perhaps the indictment is a bit too strong because I would listen to this
Download for free/koha from bandcamp.com.
album if I was stoned on a Sunday afternoon and drinking cider. Would I listen to this album at any other point in the week? No.
12
nexusmag.co.nz
nexus magazine
Banksy: The Man Behind the Wall
BurgerFuel GIG REVIEW BY ALEX BARLOW
BOOK REVIEW BY KEVIN PRYOR BurgerFuel occupies a strange middle ground between a restaurant and a fast food chain. They have stores all over New Zealand, Australia and the Who exactly is Banksy? I'm not referring to the loser Kiwi politician, but to the mysterious creator of 'Exit through the Gift Shop.' If it's a name you're looking for you won't find it reading this. What you will find is as revealing a portrait as you are going to get in an unauthorised biography. The lack of permission from the subject is apt – considering Banksy's origin as an illegal street artist. Although as he has become more famous, his work has become less a criminal act, and more a coveted possession. This biography is the most obvious symbol of the transformation from outlaw to art icon. Does that make him a sell-out? Only to hardcore graffitists; to the world he's famous because of his witty street stencils and his unique marketing method – remaining anonymous. Ellsworth-Jones successfully probes the paradox of this hidden identity. Banksy wants anonymity because he loathes celebrity, yet this is the characteristic that has made him into a star. This is the most interesting piece of the puzzle. The analysis of underground street art, and how Banksy managed to bypass traditional galleries to become famous in his own right. What is also revealed is a man who relentlessly tries to control his public image. Naturally he wouldn't approve of this effort to document his life. This is all the more reason why you should read it.
Middle East. It’s probably not somewhere you would take your grandparents but it is a far cry from the likes of Burger King. They may not be the best gourmet burgers money can buy but that would be a big ask from a busy chain store. They are innovative with the burger fillings trying out ingredients you don’t usually see in burgers like the ‘PBJ’ which is a beef burger smothered in peanut sauce and strawberry jam made from balsamic strawberries. The melted cheese tastes like melted cheese not a slab of plastic and most importantly you can taste that the meat is real and has not been sitting in a freezer for months stewing in a pool of chemicals. The chips are not greasy and are served with aioli and the drinks come in glass bottles. The food arrives ten minutes after ordering and is made freshly in front of you. You’re looking at around $10 a burger and just under $20 if you want a drink and chips. The staff are friendly and the atmosphere is relaxed and informal. To the outsider BurgerFuel may seem like a gimmicky Americanised burger chain trying to draw you in with flashy neon signs, but if you want a decent sized burger for your money, BurgerFuel is your best bet. Especially if you are hungover.
13
nexus magazine
HØNEST MATT MEETS LOUIS BAKER Honest Matt Matt Hicks
Matt Hicks has a chat to supremely talented Wellington singer-songwriter
couldn’t have asked for any more. We understand some of the songs on
Louis Baker about his new EP, recording in London and what he learnt
the EP were written when you were just 17. Did you have any reserva-
during his time at the Red Bull music academy in New York. So, Louis, you recorded the new EP in London under the watchful
tions about including them? Did you ever worry they wouldn’t reflect who you are as a person now? No. I never worried about them being
eye of Andy Lovegrove (Breaks Co-Op). How did the opportunity to
a part of the debut EP. Some of those songs, written when I was 17, are
record in London come about? It was all made possible by my manager
perhaps some of the more intriguing depictions of my art, because they
Cushla Aston at Aston Road. She was the one who put me in touch with
were written in that rocky teenage time of growth and understanding. I’m
Andy initially, and planned all the logistics of the trip. Did you learn any
really happy with how it turned out. What artists/bands/things inspire/
new tips/tricks working with Andy? Yes. I was constantly asking Andy
influence Louis Baker? All fragments of life are a potential means for
questions in the studio. He taught me some really interesting microphone
inspiration. I tend to feel that surge of creativity when I read books, listen
placement techniques and numerous other things about gear and musical
to the waves lapping, or the wind blowing. Sometimes I hear a new song
approach. How long did your new EP take to make? 4 days of recording
and listen to it over and over again. What are some must-do activities
and a lot more time to write it. Any standout tracks on the album you
for when we visit Wellington? Go to these spots: Death Ray Records in
think we’ve really gotta listen out for? Birds. You had a stint at the Red
Newtown, Phoenician Cuisine Cuba St. and The Hangar on Dixon Street.
Bull music academy in New York. How did you enjoy the experience?
Any final words/shout outs? Big shout out to my management Aston
Make some good connections? It was quite honestly the most amazing
Road and to all the musicians out there creating things. Let’s continue to
trip I’ve ever been on. I learnt a ridiculous amount of stuff in such a short
follow the heart and work hard.
amount of time. The people I met there were outstandingly lovely and hospitable, and I was lucky enough to work next to some prolific artists. I
14
nexusmag.co.nz
More at sounzgood.co.nz.
Whoever came up with the saying “never judge a book by a cover,” is a dickhead. There are literally no other ways to judge a book when you first see it. You should always judge books and people in your life by their appearance first. Later on judge them by other stuff. As for books, judge them by their description in the kindle library. That shit never lies.
If you can take 12 steps you probably don’t have a drinking problem. Besides nobody likes a quitter. Except Steve Jobs. He quit school and it turned out ok for him. I guess the lesson is quit if you think you can become a millionaire otherwise have another drink.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
The stars are telling you in the most direct way they know how that you need to get laid. Often times most of life’s first world problems can be solved with a little bit of strange. Be safe though. Otherwise you might find that this week’s nameless pre-exam stress relief becomes next months baby daddy.
Mark Twain wrote “Man is the only animal that blushes or needs to.” While no one can be sure, it seems pretty obvious that he was thinking about the type of people you have been taking home lately.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
If you find that doubt is creeping into your life and you’re unsure of who you want to be when you grow up then perhaps it’s time you considered doing cocaine. Its gluten free, low in calories and helps stave off any existential crisis. When was the last time you saw a cokehead doubt his choices in life? NB Cocaine will wreck your life but it soothes the throat and clears the nose.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Like student radio, you are getting the feeling that no one is listening to you this week. Scream out loud. Dance while people watch, jump up and down while reciting poetry. If none of that works and you still feel like no one cares what you are doing you will have truly discovered what it feels like to be a member of the Labour Party.
Sometimes you can’t win. You have people bullying you in real life, people cyberbullying you and the really creative ones doing it via instagram. Demand it stops. Demand trial by combat. It’s what all the cool kids are doing these days. Choose your champion wisely though.
This week you are reaching the un-enviable conclusion that your flatmates like your cat more than you. Maybe you should adopt more of its mannerisms. Start by sitting in a corner of their room and then lie on their bed naked licking yourself while always maintaining a creepy level of eye contact. That’ll teach them.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
HOROSCOPES
The most profound truth is usually the simplest one. In other words, this week, bitches be crazy. Unfortunately though, men can be the biggest bitches of them all so it’s best to stay away from everyone this week.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
I hate to do this to you in a horoscope but I know you read them and you aren’t taking my calls anymore. I got a test and it came back positive. Legally I have to inform you so maybe you should see Student Health.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
Do It Yourself is a magazine theme, not a clarion call to masturbation. You would be best served to take heed of that advice this week, particularly around the toilets at Momento Lakes. If however you are a fan of doing it yourself then better to go to a quiet safe room with tissues. Never, ever go the full Heath Ledger though- ties are hard to tie.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
Knowing that something works should be enough. Knowing why something works is best left up to geeks. In other words COMP-SCI103 can go fuck itself. This is not the week for you to look for depth and understanding. It’s the week to accept that shit happens in your life.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
nexus magazine
JAY Z & Co BEATS BY J
JAY Z / Kanye West / Otis Redding / Watch the Throne
Otis
JAY Z / The Hits Collection Volume One
Dirt Off Your Shoulder
Drake / JAY Z / Nothing Was The Same
Pound Cake / Paris Morton Music 2
JAY Z / Rihanna / Kanye West / The Hits Collection
Run This Town
JAY Z / The Hits Collection Volume One
D.O.A. (Death of Auto-Tune)
JAY Z / The Hits Collection Volume One
Show Me What You Got
JAY Z / Beyoncé / Blueprint 2.1
Bonnie & Clyde
JAY Z / Swizz Beatz / The Blueprint 3
On To The Next One
JAY Z / Mr Hudson / The Blueprint 3
Young Forever
Kanye West / JAY Z / Big Sean / Clique
Clique
Beyoncé / JAY Z / Dangerously In Love Crazy In Love
Pharrell Williams / JAY Z / The Neptunes Present... Frontin'
Panjabi MC / The Album Mundian To Bach Ke
Mariah Carey / JAY Z / Rainbow Heartbreaker
Rihanna / JAY Z / Talk That Talk Talk That Talk
Justin Timberlake / JAY Z / The 20/20 Experience
Suit & Tie
Kendrick Lamar / JAY Z / Good Kid, M.A.A.D City
Bitch, Don't Kill My Vibe
Follow nexusmagazine on Spotifiy.
15
nexus magazine
AUTEUR PRESENTS PECHA KUCHA Auteur Dr Richard Swainson
Pecha Kucha is a minimalist speaking format in which presenters talk
Soviet and Russian cinema.
for precisely 6 minutes 40 seconds. On Wednesday the 21st of May, at
Greg Page attended Wintec around two decades ago, becoming perhaps
the recently liberated Meteor Theatre, a special film themed Pecha Kucha
its most successful non-graduate. Greg now teaches at his old alma mater,
night is to take place. Fans, directors, critics and academics will wax lyri-
drawing on over 20 years work as an animator and filmmaker. A director
cal on their favourite artistic medium. The event costs just $10 and is as
of countless shorts, music videos and commercials, his 2003 feature The
entertaining as it is edifying.
Locals is arguably one of New Zealand's best ever horror films.
There is a strong university representation on the bill. Associate Professor
The perspective of the film fan will also be expressed. Janine Betts
Geoff Lealand of the Screen and Media Programme has presented three
belongs to an international sisterhood of Cary Grant fans known as
times before. Dr Dean Ballinger, a tutor and sometime lecturer in the same
the "War Brides". Her Pecha Kucha involves her attendance at the last
field, brings a vast knowledge of cult, esoteric and just plain strange cin- "Caryvention", a coming together of the faithful in Chicago to watch the clasema to the task at hand. Andrea Haines, who teaches in Student Learning, has been a mainstay of both the Hamilton Film Society and its national body for the best part of the last 40 years. Dr William Farrimond, formerly head of Drama at the university, will also give a presentation that draws on aspects of his own life. William has an indirect connection to the Danish auteur Carl Theodor Dreyer, one of the indisputably great directors of the 20th century. Claire Ashton, an early film graduate at Waikato, has had a substantial career in the New Zealand industry, writing, producing, directing and scouting locations. Her Pecha Kucha involves the wonderful world of funding bureaucracy.
Sasha Nixon's enthusiasms are more mainstream and contemporary. With a knowledge of Star Wars lore to match his filmmaking prowess, Sasha won an international competition for the best fan short inspired by George Lucas' universe. Another Hamilton filmmaker with an aptitude for science fiction is Julia Reynolds. A PhD candidate at Waikato University, Julia has recently finished principal shooting on her sci fi feature Shepherd, a film that she both wrote and directed. Bernard Moody has a small speaking role in Julia's film. An 84 year old acting veteran, Bernard also had a part in the movie that could be described
Wintec will also be well represented. John Mandelberg is programme
as our industry's foundation document, Sleeping Dogs. Bernard's Pecha
co-ordinator in Media Arts at that venerable institution and has years of
Kucha will see him tell some anecdotes about that film's location shooting.
experience as an Australian movie maker. John has specialist expertise in
16
sic North by Northwest and otherwise worship the former Archie Leach.
nexusmag.co.nz
nexus magazine
TIME & PLACE Arts & Stuff Peter Dornauf
Waikato University is fifty years old. Next year Hamilton will be one
I moped about, trying to feel rooted to the earth, having to lift myself
hundred. We’re mere toddlers and newborns when measured against cit-
up by my bootstraps rather than rest easy in the accumulated history of
ies and universities around the world who can count their life spans in
Europe that had lent me a certain sense of solidity and intransience. For
thousands of years.
those with a religious sensibility, this notion of estrangement is never an
But being young has its advantages. We are, perhaps, less trapped in
issue, since such individuals experience a connection to some great story,
tradition and more capable of embracing change. Age however has certain
a metanarrative where the person becomes part of some grand sweep of
attractions when it comes to place. One feels less temporal, less ephem-
history with transcendental beginnings and endings. There is no sense of
eral in a city whose roots reach down into substantial bedrocks of time.
being “only a transient eczema on a small planet in a third rate galaxy” as
That sense of just being flotsam and jetsam bobbing about in a locale that
Harvey Cox, Harvard Professor of Divinity, put it, when you live beyond
has little cultural history, where age has not had a chance to set down a
the secularist confines.
pleasing patina, is mitigated when you reside in a city that has a thousand or more years under its belt. I recall my first OE experience when I came back from England to
One could ask the question, has the erection of a plethora of poles and structures with carved Maori figures to adorn buildings on campus helped contribute to a deeper bond with a more substantial sense of time
New Zealand after a stint of eighteen months and felt like I’d walked out
and place since ethnic history stretches back in this country for a millen-
of a cathedral and into a fish ‘n chip shop. It was decidedly unsettling.
nium? Or do they just feel like add-ons, appendages and decorative frills?
Everywhere I looked there were unpleasant reminders of the fleeting and
I suppose it would depend on who you asked. For Maori students whose
transitory. Buildings looked like they’d been put up yesterday and would be
heritage it acknowledges, the response would be coloured by the fact
pulled down tomorrow. Fences and walls were constructed of corrugated
that ancestry is strongly evoked and being the indigenous race with a
iron or galvanized piping that had a use-by date of little more than a decade.
thousand years to contend with, it works for them. But to the rest of us,
Cheap and nasty and momentary. In such an economy there is no abiding
it may feel like an attempt to piggyback on a heritage we simply borrow
sense of stability or permanence.
and parasitize on.
That feeling of course has an existential cost. For months and longer,
17
PHOTOGRAPH: YASAWA ISLANDS BY BETH PEARSALL
nexus magazine
FIJI Overseas Experience Beth Pearsall
I arrived in Fiji after three long months at sea. As the land drew nearer
18
in their house behind Natandola beach, famous for its good surf. A local
in the gathering light, rising out of an ocean stained pink with dawn, a
boy let me use his board, for a price. The crystal clear water and the reef
calm happiness enveloped me. A happiness evident in the smiling eyes
shining in the shafted sunlight could not have been more beautiful. But Fiji
of every Fijian I met. The people are the real jewel of Fiji. The open air
really showed me its beauty when I just sat and looked. A woman came to
markets thronging and piled high with fresh mangoes, papaya, bananas
me and took me in. I lived with her family in their rickety house made from
and coconuts, gangs of children playing rugby in the streets shouting at
what they could find and traveled with her local style in an ancient boat
me “Valangi!�(white person), fires burning in the dusk, and of course the
out to the Yasawa islands. The villagers there made me one of them and
beaches are pretty good too. My friend flew home to Australia the day after
I cooked and collected seafood and cassava with the women, drank kava
we arrived, I shed a few tears, felt lonely and sorry for myself, then relished
and sang songs with the men and explored the island with the children.
my new found freedom. Viti Levu's south coast has been taken over by
After three incredible weeks I joined a yacht bound for New Zealand. Fiji
resorts. I, for one, do not like resorts. I took the bus that wound through
taught me to trust in the good of people, to take the time to sit and let the
the small coastal villages and found a family willing to rent me a room
world come to me. I only wish I could have stayed longer.
nexusmag.co.nz
nexus magazine
OBEY THE SUMMER OF '69 Awesome Dead Person Christie Shaw
Awesome Dead Person Mike Bilodeau
André the Giant was a monster; and I say that with as much admiration as I can possibly muster up. Generally, if you refer to someone as a giant, you expect them to be around 6”3’ and weigh about 110kg; and André was no dif-
Honestly, I set out with fringe knowledge of who Susan Atkins
ferent… at the age of 12.
was and what she did and I thought to myself, "Let's see if we
He topped out at a colossal 7”4’ and 260kg.
can find any kind of redemption." Short answer: there isn't a
In addition to being the highest paid ‘professional wrestler’ of the
heck of a lot. It just goes from bad to worse to psychopath quite
time (I don’t know why I put that in quotation marks but somehow
quickly, so buckle in, it's gonna be a bumpy ride...
it felt appropriate), he is also credited as being the greatest drunk
Susan Atkins, or Sadie May Glutz, was born into an alcoholic family. Her mother had terminal cancer, and died when Susan was thirteen. Her father eventually left her to fend for herself, Susan
in human history. Think about what you think a legendary drinking effort would be for a human. What would astound you to see?
dropped out of school and lived with relatives. It is on the eve of
Consider these facts.
these awful childhood circumstances that the villain of our story
- André the giant finished 156 beers in a single sitting (this is
enters, Charles Manson. In 1967 Charles convinced Susan to come road-tripping in a converted school bus. He nicknamed her 'Sadie Mae Glutz,' and eventually in 1968, they settled on a ranch where Susan had a son, naming him... wait for it... Zezozose Zadfrack Glutz. Charles encouraged drug dealing at the ranch for income, and
a different occasion than the more popular ‘hotel lobby incident’ wherein he drank 119 and then passed out). - It reportedly took him two bottles of vodka just to get a ‘warm feeling inside his tummy’. - He once finished 16 bottles of wine in 4 hours and then wrestled three matches including a 20-man battle royale.
after botched attempts at this, he came across Gary Hinman. Gary,
I mean… what the shit.
supposedly the heir of a fortune, told them he hadn't inherited
And this was just his alcohol intake. According to André’s friend
anything so Charles Manson came and killed him with a sword.
and work colleague Tim White, if he felt like putting on a show,
Five were also murdered at another Beverly Hills Home, with one,
he could also walk into a restaurant and finish 12 steaks and 15
Sharon Tate, being eight months pregnant. Manson, with Susan in
lobsters in a sitting.
tow, went on a 'murder education mission' to a random grocer’s
As well as being a genuine mythical creature, the ‘8th wonder
house, tied them up before murdering them, then wrote on the
of the world’ was also tremendously generous. One occasion, as
wall with their blood.
recounted by Arnold Schwarzenegger, starts with the ol’ governator
At his trial Manson said his reason for killing these people was
trying to sneak off and pick up the tab. He found himself picked
that he wanted to start an apocalyptic race war by killing wealthy
up like a child, brought outside and sat on top of a car. The Giant
white people. He would take his cult and hide in the desert until the
always picked up the tab… and there was little point in arguing
blacks won, then emerge as their answer to government.
with him.
Susan, who had been given the death penalty for her involve-
Now, you see the difficulty I have in writing about this man.
ment, revealed in her testimony (to try and lessen the severity of
Everything you say comes off like a bizarre Chuck Norris joke.
her sentence) that she had stabbed the Tate woman and tasted her
These facts are too ridiculous… too extreme to be real.
blood. After 18 parole denials, Atkins died of natural causes in 2009,
Due to his obvious affliction of gigantism, André was condemned
a week shy of 40 years in jail. This makes her one of the longest
to an early death. Far exceeding doctors expectations (as he
serving female criminals in the US justice system.
seemed to make a habit of throughout his whole life) he lived to
For giggles, listen to Summer of '69 again and decide how much this story relates (Manson had a 6-string too...)
see the respectable age of 46 years old but on January 27, 1993, the giant’s heart finally gave way.
19
nexus magazine
20
nexusmag.co.nz
nexus magazine
Food is expensive, and hard to budget for because 'drinking'. Grow your own and never go without greens again. Macaila Pescud tells us how. Studies show that growing your own food is super
Water falls from the sky – but you need to make sure
good for your psychological health. For me this was true:
your plants won’t drown in winter (their stems might rot if
I started gardening after my ex-boyfriend passed away. I
it is excessively moist) or be completely evaporated away
mean, I had to find somewhere to bury the body. It’s also
in summer. This means building the soil up around your
cheaper than buying food, it’s a marvellous procrastinating
plants so the water doesn’t pool around them, and getting
tool, and man! The satisfaction from seeing those li’l seeds
the hose out once a week in summer to give them plants a
you planted stick their li’l seedling heads out of the soil! It’s
good soaking – and don’t forget to get your flatmate while
like they’re your own li’l babies – but you don’t need to pay
you’re at it. A mulch of lawn clippings, wood chips or saw-
for them, the sky will feed them for you, and they don’t
dust will keep the moisture in the soil.
make horrible noises or scare your boyfriend away! Perfect!
And the last important consideration is fertile soil. You
Really all you do is plonk the things in the ground, right?
can build this up yourself: composting your food scraps will
“WATER FALLS FROM THE SKY – BUT YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE YOUR PLANTS WON’T DROWN IN WINTER...”
Give ‘em a li’l water to help their roots settle in and BAM!
reduce the amount of waste to landfill, as well as making
You’ve got yourself fodder! Then you just gotta muster up
free fertile soil. Compost won’t smell if it’s got adequate
the courage to leave the safety of your couch and go forag-
aeration and is 50% carbon material – paper or dead leaves
ing amongst the giant weeds for your cultivated beauties.
will do the trick. Or you can make layers of material directly
Okay, so I've simplified that a little. Course, you could
where you are planning to plant your veges– lawn clippings,
always join the gardeners club to learn by osmosis. Seriously now, the main things to think about are sunlight, water, and soil.
and bokashi compost for nitrogen, and buried wet newspaper, dead leaves, and sawdust for carbon. ‘Organic or not?’ Make an informed choice: herbicides
There’s an easy rule for sun: If you’re growing the plant
and pesticides will affect the microbial populations of the
for the fruit or the root it’ll need full sunlight (at least 6
soil and likely also contribute to the colony collapse disorder
hours of full sun per day). If you’re growing it for the leaves,
which is threatening the bees, our main pollinators.
stems or sprouts then it can be grown in part shade (3-6
Gardeners Club: fb.com/woogc or visit our communal gar-
hours of sun). Virtually nothing edible except mushrooms
den just in front of the WSU building between 12-2pm on
and ferns will grow in full shade.
Mondays or 12-1pm Wednesdays to join in.
21
nexus magazine
22
nexusmag.co.nz
nexus magazine
Sick of living in a shit hole? Our fashion guru Jessica Wilson has the low down on how to level up your decor without spending too many dollars. Imagine this: You’re sitting on the couch in your flat. The
your vintage bike down to Waikato Print to get the sassy
remains of the stir-fry your flatmate made several hours
results printed. Cut the fake Polaroids out and place them
ago wafts through the stale air. You find the soft hum of the
on the fridge, on the wall, or in an envelope addressed to
fridge somewhat calming and consider getting it as an mp3.
the mother you don’t call nearly enough.
You laugh to yourself at Benedict Cumberbatch’s name, but
DIY with Mason Jars. Mason jars, the upmarket
stop upon realising your middle name is worse. Picture
American name given to glass jam jars, are not only for stor-
yourself yawning. Are you yawning yet? Because this is
ing preserved foodstuffs and mayonnaise. Need a vase for
what you do as you look to the left of you and then, once
your makeup brushes or the bouquet your secret admirer
you’ve processed all that, look to the right. You realise how
(me) sent you? Put it in a mason jar. Need something to
shit your flat looks and shed a single tear that awkwardly
put your lit candles in? Mason jars, my friend. Another idea
falls onto the exact spot your right nipple is. Weird. You
is serving drinks out of mason jars, it’s totally shabby chic
“YOU REALISE HOW SHIT YOUR FLAT LOOKS AND SHED A SINGLE TEAR THAT AWKWARDLY FALLS ONTO THE EXACT SPOT YOUR RIGHT NIPPLE IS.”
open the latest Nexus and see this article. “Fuck yeah, Jess
and totally cheap as fuck; $15 on jars of mayonnaise at
is here to solve my crappy décor dilemma!” you scream.
Pak’n’Save and you have a whole lot of mayonnaise AND a
DIY Hanging Clothes Rack. To start off, you’ll need some-
brand new set of glasses.
thing to act as the clothes rack, a bamboo pole, a thin metal
Fake Plants. Real houseplants are for rich people who
pipe or a branch are all good options. To suspend the rack,
don’t sleep until noon. Besides, everyone on the street
you’ll need two ceiling anchors and two equal lengths of
knows that artificial plants are so hot right now (too soon?).
chain, rope or wire. Place the ceiling anchors about 30cm
Go to aliexpress.com, select free shipping, and buy as
from the wall so that the clothes can hang freely. Now
many fake plants as you can with no more than $15. This
hang it all up.
should be enough to cover a wall or two. Impress your
Fake Polaroid Pictures. For this you can use either
visitors with a wall of faux vines or roses. Wait until word
Poladroid or Polaroin, both create fake Polaroid images
gets out of your glamourous botanical paradise and watch
that include the white frame (unlike instagram). Once your
the babes roll in.
images are generated, pop on a pair of Wayfarers and ride
DIY Terrariums. You’ll need a glass container, some
23
nexus magazine
potting mix and a few different sized succulents from your
Now wait for the crack. Pour cold water on the bottle and
neighbour’s garden (they don’t die so easily). Containers
the top will fall off. Finish by sandpapering the edge smooth
can be large jars, ideally leftover from some mayonnaise
with your flatmate’s nail file.
you’ve eaten (otherwise go to Briscoes), or cheap open-
Maps. Whenever I read the word “maps”, the song by
sphere vases from The Warehouse. Water as frequently
Yeah Yeah Yeahs comes into my head and then I feel sad,
as you remember to i.e not often.
perhaps even sadder than when I listen to MGMTs shitty
DIY with Spray Paint. That kid in high school who used
second album. Somebody hold me. Oh and the tip, maps
to write his name on everything with a can of stolen spray
look awesome framed, or just stuck as is, on the wall.
paint may have been a massive d-bag, but he was also a
Damn I need a tissue.
massive d-bag who may just be the next Martha Stewart.
DIY Shelves. There are only two things in this world I
Spray paint décor is totally trés chic. Spray paint your din-
do not enjoy buying, and that’s iron tablets and shelving.
ing room table pink, your rubber door mats red and every
They’re both expensive and both wouldn’t be needed if
“FOR ONLY A FEW DOLLARS YOU CAN TURN YOUR FLAT INTO A MYSTERIOUS LOVE SHACK, WHERE THE ONLY THING MORE DELICATE THAN THE PAPER LIGHTING IS, UPON CONTRACTING MANY STRANGE AND WONDERFUL NEW DISEASES, IS YOUR EMOTIONAL WELLBEING.”
lamp in the flat a shade of pastel. Your flatmates will love you for it.
magazines. Fortunately shelves are super easy to make.
DIY Beer Bottle Glasses. For so long I thought making
Make shelves out of dozen or so bricks and a few planks
these was impossible, that was until I went to my friends’
of wood, a wooden ladder, several shipping palettes stolen
flat and discovered everyone drinking their shitty cider and
from the local Pak’n’Save or a couple of wine or beer crates
$10 vodka out of awesome Corona glasses.
from your alcoholic neighbour. Finally, if you’re feeling fancy,
Making these beer glasses is surprisingly easy to do.
splash some paint on.
Wrap a piece of string tightly around the middle of a beer
Paper Lanterns. For only a few dollars you can turn your
bottle, make sure it’s after the label and before it curves in.
flat into a mysterious love shack, where the only thing more
Tie a knot in the string and then pull it off. Soak the string in
delicate than the paper lighting is, upon contracting many
lighter fluid before putting it back on the bottle in the same
strange and wonderful new diseases, is your emotional
place as before. Rotate the bottle vertically above a lighter
wellbeing. Remember to buy a fire alarm.
whilst making sure only the string is touching the flame.
24
I spent more money on red meat rather than shoes and
nexusmag.co.nz
nexus magazine
D.I.Y.: Lego for Adults DANIEL COLLINS
Stop whining and do it yourself. Don't know where to start? Daniel Collins has your back. What? DIY is anything and everything. It’s the spirit of self-
some it’s a financial thing; they do it to save money, either
reliance, the belief that you can use your mind and two
to avoid plumbing bills or to renovate and make that cash.
hands to bend the physical world to your will. It’s when you
To me, it’s an intellectual and personal challenge. It’s an
stop living in your own little universe and become the mas-
expression of creativity and physical prowess and it is also
ter of it. You’re not a builder? The world doesn’t care. What
about saying that there is no job anyone else can do that
do you do? Do that! DIY is a pure and abstract concept, the
I can’t.
“YOU’RE NOT A BUILDER? THE WORLD DOESN’T CARE. WHAT DO YOU DO? DO THAT! DIY IS A PURE AND ABSTRACT CONCEPT, THE DETAILS ARE IRRELEVANT. IF YOU LIKE KNITTING, CUT LOOSE BUDDY, GET YOUR GOOGLE ON AND KNIT SOME SICK KNITTING!”
details are irrelevant. If you like knitting, cut loose buddy,
Regardless of your own motivation there’s an innate
get your google on and knit some sick knitting! While DIY
amount of self-sufficiency to it. There’s that hunter-gath-
is traditionally associated with manly chores, the spirit of
erer mindset where you want something, so you make it
DIY is within all of us and it has no time for gender roles. I
yourself. We live in a culture of consumption, where most
love working with a hammer and wood, but I’ll also work
people’s identities are defined by what they buy, and in
some magic in the kitchen, and nothing makes my knees
some cases can be narrowed down to a particular shop. If
weaker than a babe wielding power tools. Why? DIY means different things to different people. To
you’ve ever sat behind a brochure wondering, “What sort of dining set defines me as a person?” you’re in trouble.
25
nexus magazine
How? Let’s get down to business. Making anything in the world comes back to the same thing, tools. This is beyond basic, it’s fucking evolutionary. One day, way back,
You have to see beyond what’s in front of you- use your
one of the bros picked up a stick, poked it inside an anthill,
imagination. Look at everything like it was a Lego brick,
and our trajectory to world dominance was set. He did
whatever it is, whatever it’s supposed to be, it could be
what no other living thing had done before him, he used
part of something else, something bigger, something bet-
an intermediary object to achieve something he couldn’t
ter, something so awesome you don’t even know about it
do by himself. Every organism in the world is limited to
yet! I just bought a surfboard and it came in the biggest
ecological niches by their physical adaptations, except us.
cardboard box I have ever seen. Surfboard aside, I found
We have developed tools to fill every deficiency we have
myself staring at this ridiculous box with intrigue. I still have
to reach and exploit every corner of the earth, and beyond.
no idea what I’m going to make with it, but it’s going to be
Archimedes said, "Give me a lever long enough and a ful-
fucking awesome!
crum on which to place it, and I shall move the world." These tools come down to two categories, psychological and physical. The psychological tool set that you build up through
26
at the smell of their own sweat. You know, you’ve seen them at the gym.
Delineating intelligence and knowledge is academic. You need specific knowledge about different materials, tools, structures, and how you can use all of these to make whatever it is you want to make. But DIY means going beyond
learned experience is the starting block for any endeavour.
the “how-to” section of a magazine. It’s about walking your
You need these in your mental toolbox: imagination, intel-
own line. You need the intelligence to take all these guides
ligence, knowledge, creativity and initiative. All these tools
and instructions in your head and conceptualise them in
overlap and feed each other like a bodybuilder climaxing
abstract forms, so that you can pull things together and
nexusmag.co.nz
nexus magazine
apply them to a new situation. Creativity is merely the intersection of knowledge, intelligence, and imagination. It is knowing how things work and
that got drafted in ‘Nam and came back all grown up. The axe however, I use mainly for venting the anger and frustration of civilised life.
trying to do that with things that haven’t been done before!
From here to creation. I challenge you to make some-
Goddamn it, initiative is just the moment you pull your belt
thing from the deepest, darkest part of your imagination.
up to your nipples and say, “Shit son, let’s do this.”
It doesn’t have to completely original, I’m not asking you
So you know what you want to do, and you (vaguely…)
reinvent the wheel. But do something you’ve never done
know how to do it, now you need physical tools. This is
before and nurture your own DIY spirit. Anything you
the business end, where you bend wood and steel, and
don’t know, google does. Surprise yourself and surprise
whatever else the hell you want, to your will. There are an
your friends. Is there something you need for the flat? I
infinite number of tools out there, and variations on those,
guarantee you 90% of your flat furniture can be built from
but you need to figure out exactly what you need to get the
a few wooden pallets you can find on the side of the road.
job done. These can be expensive, but while most tools can
The best part is if you nail it, you and the flatties can have
be borrowed from a neighbour, a friend, or family; there’s
a few drinks and sit round the table you just made; if you
nothing quite like owning your own. I have a lot of tools
make a mess of it, you and the flatties have a few drinks
gathering dust, but I have five stalwarts that I rely on for
and sit round the fire of your first attempt. It’s always a
98% of my projects: a hammer, saw, axe, measuring tape,
good day to DIY.
and a leatherman. The hammer, saw, and measuring tape are all crucial to an arsenal and pretty self-explanatory, and
Think outside the box. Then make it into a desk chair and design something even radder.
a leatherman is what happened to the swiss army knife
27
WE WANT YOU!… To Home Brew! CARL UNTERNAHRER
What's better than beer? Cheap beer! Carl Unternahrer lays down his simple guide to brewing your own beersies. There are two types of home-brewer in this world. The
Money. Yes, the initial cost of your brewing equipment is
first type are the perfectionists. To them home-brewing is
going to set you back a bit; but over the long term this is
a ritual that sits on the threshold between science… and
going to be offset by the vast quantities of cheap and deli-
art. The path they walk is one of constant striving toward
cious beer that you’re making.
excellence; sourcing the best ingredients, employing the
Earn the undying respect of your peers. Fact: Home
most precise techniques, growing the mightiest hipster-
brewing makes you manlier. Fact: Those who practice
beard… All are essential components of the perfectly
home-brewing are 92-98% more likely to develop thick,
home-brewed beer.
luscious beards. Fact: Both of the above statements apply
Then there's the second type, who just want a cheap and
equally to women as well as men. (Note: These facts have
easy source of booze.
definitely not been fabricated.)
This guide is intended for the latter of these groups.
But hey, if you're reading an article on home-brewing then
Let's start with a quick look at a few of the many reasons
it's likely that you have already been convinced of its merits.
why home-brewing will enhance the quality of your life.
So let's jump into a run-through of how your first brew is
Fun. You know that contented feeling that you get when
going to go.
you go to bed knowing that you’ve done something pro-
1) Equipment. First of all you're gonna need to get your
ductive with your day? Now you can get that feeling whilst
gear. This includes your brew-bucket (a big 30 litre bucket
directly contributing toward future drunken un-productivity.
with a re-sealable lid, a hole for an airlock in said lid, and a
nexus magazine
tap on the bottom), a long handled mixing spoon, a hydrom-
bottles (after you've disinfected them, of course). Leave
eter (a device that looks kinda like a thermometer that you
a 5cm gap at the top of each bottle and add a bit of sugar
use to calculate the alcoholic content of your brew), lots
(specific amount dependant on the size of the bottles
of bottles (pick a size that suits you but go for plastic over
you're using) to each one before sealing. The extra sugar
glass – it’s cheaper) and disinfectant (to clean all of the
will help your beer grow nice and fizzy and the 5cm gap will
above with).
help prevent the bottle from kamikaze-ing itself all over the
You can get all of these as well as some ingredients to get
inside your cupboard.
your first brew going as part of a start-up kit from most
5) Waiting. Herein comes the true test of your character:
home-brew stores. It's an investment of around $100-150.
In order to enhance the flavour of your beer you need to
2) Ingredients. You’re gonna want a can of malt extract,
play… The waiting game.
a sachet of yeast (should come free with the can) and a
Leaving your beersies for a week or so in a warm place
packet of 'brew enhancer' (AKA dextrose). These should
then another couple weeks in a cool dark place is a bare
all be included in your starter kit but once you're looking
minimum. The longer you leave them, however, the better
at putting your second brew down they should cost about
they get. The exact length of time that will be is all down
$30-$40 all up.
to you.
You'll also need water. As a beginner, tap water will suffice.
Just remember to store them away from direct sunlight.
You’re going to need about 23 litres of it.
The sun will kill a good beer as surely as all those dodgy
3) Mix that shit up yo'. While specific brewing instructions
Facebook photos will kill your career prospects.
“FACT: THOSE WHO PRACTICE HOME-BREWING ARE 92-98% MORE LIKELY TO DEVELOP THICK, LUSCIOUS BEARDS. FACT: BOTH OF THE ABOVE STATEMENTS APPLY EQUALLY TO WOMEN AS WELL AS MEN.”
are generally printed on the label of the malt extract can,
6) Get it in ya. By the time beer-o-clock comes around, the
they usually run as follows:
sediment in your bottles should have all collected at the
CLEAN. Have you watched Breaking Bad? Same principle.
bottom. To avoid disturbing it, you want to pour from your
Impurities will ruin your beer. Making sure you clean and
bottle into a jug in one smooth action. You can then fill your
disinfect all of your equipment before you use it is the most
drinking vessel from the jug at your leisure. I'm sure you
important part of brewing. Don't forget to rinse after you
can figure the rest of this step for yourself.
disinfect either – you don't want to accidentally murder
And that's (a very basic) overview of how beginner-level
your yeast with some stray chlorine.
home-brewing goes. Opening packets of malt extract cer-
Mix your malt-extract, brew enhancer and 3L of boiling
tainly isn't the be-all and end-all though. Home-brewing can
water in the bottom of your brew bucket.
be as simple or as complex as you want it to be. Soon you'll
Top up with another 20L of cold water then add your yeast
want to start modifying the standard extract recipes. Later
(stirring all along).
on, moving up to partial-mash or even all-grain brewing
Pop the lid on the brew bucket, chuck it in a nice warm
opens up whole new levels of fun. What's more, there's a
place and watch the airlock bubble away for about ten days
whole community of fellow beer-geeks out there willing to
as the yeast works its magic, converting that malt and dex-
help you on your way.
trose into delicious delicious alcohol.
And finally, don't forget to regularly wash and groom your
4) Bottling. Once the bubbles have stopped, fermentation
fledgling beard. Omitting to do so can result in a terrible
is complete (i.e. the yeast has done its thing). You can now
itchiness. It's simply un-beerable.
use the tap at the bottom of your brew bucket to fill your
29
nexus magazine
THE KINGMAKERS Politics Ryan Wood
While we wait in sweaty anticipation for the government
political metaphor. National, though, is a much tougher lass;
attention to the game of predicting what the next gov-
she’s been slagging Winston off for years, and he’s done like-
ernment will look like? This can, admittedly, be a dangerous
wise. It’ll be hard to get into bed with her.
pastime in the volatile context of MMP, but let’s have a crack at it anyway, shall we?
But it will also be hard to get into bed with Labour, because the Greens are already lolling about between the sheets. And
It is a symptom of MMP that minor parties with loose mor-
while NZ First supporters can tolerate National or Labour,
als often become ‘kingmakers’. The Winston Peters Party
there’s nothing that terrifies the elderly more than those weird
– also known as NZ First – is a prime example of this. In 1996
communist hippies, with their friendliness and environmental-
and 2005, the wizened Winston held the balance of power,
ism and forward thinking. So Winston’s going to put his foot
and was courted shyly by both National and Labour. After
down. If Labour excludes the Greens from Cabinet – like they
playing hard to get for a little bit, Winston confounded the
did in 2005 – then he’ll jump happily into the left-wing sack.
expectations of the electorate by going with National in ’96
If the Greens stand their ground, however, then Winston will
and Labour in ’05, despite most commentators agreeing he
likely hop on over to National and try and make a go of things.
should have gone the other way both times. So, it seems that, based on recent polls, wily Winston will
So, in reality, the ball’s in the Greens’ court. If they roll over, per Winston’s wishes, Key’s gone. If they take a stand and
once again be in such a position of power in 2014. Yes, that’s
insist, most reasonably, on proportional representation in
right: your grandparents get to choose the next government.
Cabinet, then Winston will fly away on his broomstick with
Or do they? In the run-up to the election, Winston will make a
Key, and the country will be black and blue for the next three
great show and dance of being coy about whom he is going
years. That being said, who knows? Maybe Winston will sur-
to cuddle up to. However, in reality, there’s only one woman
prise us all.
for him: that scarlet lady, Labour. She’s decrepit, but malleable,
30
which is just how Winston likes them… and yes, that’s still a
to do something else ill-advised, why don’t we turn our
nexusmag.co.nz
But probably not.
nexus magazine
WHEN IS IT CHEATING? Aunty Slut
Dear Aunty Slut, I found some texts in my guy’s phone that really upset me. They were to some girl he calls ‘babe’ and ‘sexy’. The texts are mostly about liking sexual stuff that he’s never mentioned to me. I confronted him about it and he got really defensive saying I shouldn’t have gone through his phone, and that he hasn’t actually done anything with this girl so I should chill out. But I’m really hurt. Who is in the wrong here? -Hurt Girl Dear Hurt Girl, You’re both in the wrong- but I think he’s probably just slightly more of a douche than you. So my answer is going to be two-fold. 1) Don’t go through people’s phones without asking. Ever. For any reason. It’s a serious dick-move and will only ever end in heartache. If you feel like going through his phone (and trust me, we all do at some point) it says more about you than it does about him. Relationships are about trust- and how can you have trust if you’re checking up on each other? It’s like you’re expecting that person to cheat on you- and then when you find evidence you and say ‘aha! I knew it!’ instead of trusting your partner to stay faithful. It’s about mutual respect, which from where I’m sitting seems to be
“WHETHER HE’S FUCKED THIS GIRL OR NOT IS IRRELEVANT, HE’S STILL CHEATING. HE MIGHT NOT SEE IT THAT WAY BECAUSE HIS DICK’S STILL IN HIS PANTS, BUT WHEN HE SAYS HE HASN’T DONE ANYTHING WITH THIS GIRL HE HAS OMITTED ONE VERY IMPORTANT WORD- ‘YET’.”
severely lacking in this clusterfuck. By all means, if you suspect your man of cheating, hit him up about it, but hunting for evidence just proves there is a lack of trust in your relationship- and that’s a huge red flag that the relationship isn’t working. 2) Whether he’s fucked this girl or not is irrelevant, he’s still cheating. He might not see it that way because his dick’s still in his pants, but when he says he hasn’t done anything with this girl he has omitted one very important word- ‘yet’. Cheating, at its core, is the way people express contempt. It’s the way that people prove to themselves and others that their partners are not necessary to them. It’s how they punish themselves and others. It’s abuse of trust, it’s cowardly and it hurts- really, really badly. By texting this girl, he’s telling you he doesn’t need you and that you’re not that important to him. On some level he wants out of your relationship (maybe because you check up on him all the time and make him feel like you believe the worst of him?) but he’s too chicken shit to actually do it. Save him the trouble and kick him to the curb. If you don’t trust each other, and he’s texting someone else then there is something seriously wrong with this picture. Here is the way that I communicate how I feel about this to anyone I get involved with. I make sure they know it’s important to both my emotional and sexual health and that it is the condition of me being involved with them. It is: “If you want to fuck me, let’s do that! If you want to fuck someone else, fuck off.” Simple. No equivocation. You don’t own someone just because you’re together. They aren’t your property you jealously guard. They’re another human being who you trust with yourself (key word TRUST), and the only way it will work is if you respect and communicate with each other. Both of you, sort your shit out. Send your sexy sex questions to auntyslut@nexusmag.co.nz
31
nexus magazine
EXISTENTIAL FAUCETS
ALL-NIGHTERS Louise vs the World Louise Hutt
The Foreign Invasion Melody Wilkinson
I recently found out that one of my friends had never pulled an Why are people not waiting for you to get off the elevator before pushing on? I was under the impression this was a rule... Like it’s a matter of physics: if you let the people off first, there is less jostling and more room for you. At first, I thought it was just stupid kids but the practice seems to cross all gender and age lines. The other day I was trapped on the elevator for three floors because two old ladies pushed their way on before I had a chance to get off. The next day some guy with a huge cart gave me the evil eye because he had to back out to let me off even though he had pushed in not waiting to see if I needed to get off. I wonder if I am invisible. That would explain things... I have had trouble with automatic doors opening and most of the time I can’t get the water faucets with the sensor to work. Come to think of it, the automatic towel dispenser or air dryers are just as bad. I stand there waving frantically like a lunatic and then give up and dry my hands inside my pants pocket instead. (This is a great trick. It avoids the obvious hand marks left on the butt of your jeans. This can infer many things about you that you may or may not be but that you certainly don’t want anyone else inferring or contemplating.) Inevitably, someone will come up behind me and easily activate both faucet and towel dispenser and exit the bathroom. So I stand there for a few minutes contemplating myself in the mirror. Do I even exist? I have conversations with people and they must see me. Although, I suppose those conversations could all be in my head... I do have a child. But then, that guy in a Beautiful Mind had the schizophrenic hallucination of the little girl so that doesn’t work. So how can I actually prove I exist? I could ask someone but then that conversation could all be in my head. My family know I exist but who’s to say I haven’t made them up? There is no verifiable truth that I exist in any real form. So people, for my own sanity, please wait for the people getting off the elevator to exit before barrelling on. Not only is it rude but it may inadvertently start an existential crisis... Thanks. maydaydownunder.blogspot.co.nz.
all-nighter before. I’m doing post-grad, and I’ve known this person since first year, so that’s four years without pulling an all-nighter. The world just stopped for a minute, I could see the clock hands slow down as I tried to imagine a world where I hadn’t before pulled an all-nighter. This is the first year when I’ve gotten to 1am and gone, “Nope, I’ll sleep”. My mental and physical health is finally more important than my grades. It’s not that I don’t care, I do, post-grad is crazy-expensive, but I just can’t do it anymore. The adrenaline, the panic, the frantic typing, the half thought out ideas, the “I hope this referencing is right” just isn’t worth it. “So you mean you still NEED to pull all-nighters, but you just don’t?” I’ll be honest with you, I couldn’t start my assignments earlier if I tried and it’s such a fallacy, the idea that bad time management is the only reason to be up till 4am finishing an assignment. Stress, workload (you know, the other umpteen assignments I also have due on the same day), and other commitments (like a job, because Studylink is impossible to live off) all contribute to an all-nighter, not just whether I decided to re-watch all of Game of Thrones. The problem I have with this culture is that it teaches us we must sacrifice our own health in order to survive. The number of times I have overheard a lecturer complaining about students not being able to handle the workload or denying extensions based on other commitments makes me feel sick; who are they to assume that all our free time can be spent working on our university work? There’s even been an occasion where I received a low mark for an assignment, went to see my lecturer as I had missed several weeks of class because I was in Australia for my brother’s funeral, and my lecturer told me that if I’d been there, I would have known why my work wasn’t up to standard. We’re breeding a generation of students who think that the only way they can pay the bills, keep a roof over their head and make sure they don’t fail university is to put their own health at risk. I know I can’t do it anymore, something has to give, and unfortunately I need food and a warm bed to sleep in more than an A on every assignment. It’s just a shame it’s taken me this long to realise it.
32
nexusmag.co.nz
nexus magazine
“THE ISSUE HERE IS NOT ONE OF ARTISTIC EXPRESSION, BECAUSE, QUITE FRANKLY, THIS SHIT ISN’T ART, IT’S A CRY FOR ATTENTION FROM A SPOILT LITTLE ASSHOLE.”
THE KEY TO NOT BEING A BITCH. Give a Shit Tee-Ship
Well well well, it would appear that douche-baggery runs
quite frankly, this shit isn’t art, it’s a cry for attention from a
in the family. When I say the words “Stephanie Key” who
spoilt little asshole. But what makes this situation so depress-
amongst you has thoughts of a budding young artist full of
ingly frustrating is the reaction from our nation’s leader. In
integrity and determination? That’s right, none of you. More
Stuff’s spineless article on the issue Key (senior) is quoted
to the point, how many of you even know who she is? Well
saying “I’m personally very proud of her.” The article also
in case the surname didn’t tip you off, Stephanie Key is the
stipulates that Key “denied any claims that it was culturally
spawn of our great nation’s Prime Minister and my-oh-my is
offensive.” I’m sorry but a white New Zealander claiming that
she a chip off the old block.
something is not offensive to the Native American people,
As if channelling her father straight out of our nation’s capital
when one of whom (who resides in NZ) has already stated
(who was no doubt exploiting our natural environment, rudely
that the images are offensive, is about as ridiculous as burning
dismissing a lesser party’s question in Parliament or suffer-
a house down and saying “I deny any claims that this dam-
ing one of his signature brain-fades during an interview, at
aged the building.”
the time) Stephanie Key has taken to offending an entire race of people. Key, a—fucking terrible—budding artist studying at the Paris
Maybe if we broke it down for the Keys they’d understand: imagine a couple of hundred years ago your country was living in relative peace when all of a sudden you were accosted
College of Art has recently posted on her Facebook pictures
by a bunch of white devils that raped and killed your women
submitted for her portfolio at the prestigious art school. The
and children and all but destroyed your entire culture, taking
images depict her as a pink, washed out whore dressed like
and devastating your sacred land and forcing you on to tiny
an American Indian (at least I think that’s what she was going
reservations. And when the dust finally clears, a prissy little
for) and has caused offence amongst descendants of North
rich daughter of one of the worst of these devils decides it is
America’s First Nations. The image creating the most contro-
artistic to dress in your most sacred of garments and mock
versy depicts Key in lacy underwear with no top on (a modesty
your customs.
star covering her nipple), a traditional war bonnet headdress
John fucking Key, as much as I hate it, you are the voice of
and holding what looks like a two-dollar shop version of a
our nation and you are currently not expressing the thoughts
calumet (often known as a peace pipe). The items depicted
of the people. This is offensive. I don’t give two fucks if it’s your
are of great significance and sanctity amongst the people of
daughter. Apologise. I realise it may not make you any money
the First Nations. The issue here is not one of artistic expression, because,
but apologise. I love this country but you make me ashamed to be a New Zealander, and that ain’t a good thing.
33
nexus magazine
SLEEP DEPRIVATION MAKES ALIX LOCO Alix Abroad Alix Higby
This week’s column is going to get a little weird. I’ve been in LA for four months now, and over the course of this time I have gathered quite a sleep debt. You’re probably like, yeah duh frat parties and like, movie premieres and shit who has time to sleep? Well number one, frat parties get old quick, and two; premieres are lame cos you can never get close enough to actually figure out if it was Johnny Depp or Leonardo DiCaprio. Basically, the first week I was here I was jetlagged as fuck. I didn’t sleep all week. I figured it would wear off once patterns were established – but here I am, four months later, so incredibly sleep deprived that most nights I hallucinate about my face sliding off onto the mattress. I’m lying there at 5am holding my face together while the room swirls about taunting me into a fistfight. This is mildly hilarious, but for the most part deathly frightening. I cannot tell you how I am still alive, or how I’ve only fallen asleep in one class which, thankfully, nobody noticed. Another kicker is the depression and paranoia. Suddenly, everyone is stalking you, copying you, taunting you. Or hammering away at their keyboards till 7am JUST TO SPITE YOU (dorm mates are a real gamble). I don’t want to get out of bed for anything, but I also don’t want to be in bed at all because it is the place of waking nightmares (waking, because you’re never fucking asleep). There are few people I can tolerate at present, one being my French friend (French = Bitch, we sit around judging people) and the others being whoever else is drunk on a Thursday on Frat row. My boyfriend is getting a real rough deal, being 6,538 miles away and skyping a moody little shit who can’t keep her eyes focused. Oooh I can hear you now, but let me tell you - if you want to offer me advice for how to sleep better, I will cut you. You think I like this? The face melting and drop-of-a-hat tantrums? I have tried everything, melatonin, music, meditation, feng shui, exercising…. Everything bar actual prescription medication. But this is where the midnight train stops – at the pharmacy to get all drugged up. I am defeated. Defeated, but too exhausted for the emotional signal to reverberate anywhere further than a blip across my brain. I have only a few weeks left in this town, and I kind of want to be awake and emotionally open to them. If you’re having a tough time with sleeping, anxiety, or anything that is making you a bit loco, then eventually you might have to explore ALL of your options. Talking to someone, asking for help, maybe medication. It’s all gravy, baby. I hate to think of all the things I could have done instead of lying in bed staring at the grey speckled ceiling for 8hrs a night. What. A. Fuckin. Drag.
34
nexusmag.co.nz
nexus magazine
DO IT YOURSELF. Carnage Jules Craft
Sex, oh how we a love this pleasurable pastime. Ain’t
intercourse table stands. Can I just say fuck texting! It’s
nothing better than a bit of the old rough and tumble in the
nothing like having a genuine face-2-face conversation
sack. Always elegant, never awkward, and a classy act at
with someone from the opposite sex. You miss out on
all times. It’s a pity it takes so much fucking effort though.
tone, context, the ability to read body language and the
I mean what a marathon in general, it’s not just physically
flow of conversation. I mean, trying to get to know some-
but emotionally draining. The following is a list of reasons
one through some letters on a screen is not the buzz, and
why you should quit trying to have sex with another human
your chance of getting catfished increases significantly.
and just do it yourself.
Instead of moving them fingers up all around those stupid
Tinder’s broken: Either it’s broken or I’m an ugly cunt. For self-esteem's sake I’m gonna say the first one. Swiping
touch screen buttons, get all around yourself. Go on - you deserve it.
right continuously only to never see that feral flame noti-
Effort: No effort rubbing one out. Massive effort moving
fication on the top left of your phone’s screen is a very
up and down like Jeremiah from the ‘Birthday Sex’ video.
depressing cycle. Then, even if by some miracle you are
Damn that brother’s got some moves. Never mind Karma
matched, you can never think of anything slick or charming.
Sutra lessons, start learning from RnB superstars. Shout
Sure you’ve got that fat penguin line about breaking the
out’s to my boy R.J holding it down for the brothers with
ice but if you’re being honest with yourself it’s not exactly
your 2007 tutorial. That guy started an entire family’s career
a winner- the line is in fact from a speech you did in year 7
with his penis - what a legend!
about how to pick up girls (shame). Soon, stories that your
Striking out: If you’re in the game get used to that
friends tell you about their “tinder take-downs” become
denial. If you’re soft at heart and you don’t like the feeling
only hearsay myths and you start to realise you’ve wasted
of striking out save yourself some heartbreak and strike
two weeks of your life fucking around and ironically never
out yourself at home. Anything’s better than trying to pull
fucking around. Go home, lock the door and do it yourself
off the desperate 4am hunt for a mate on Victoria Street
because no-one knows your body better anyway.
because that girl you were dancing with all night just left in
Texting’s a mission: Obviously just because you’re tex-
a taxi with her friends. Did I mention you paid for the taxi
ting someone doesn’t mean you’re going to get it in, in
too? Better you snuggle up with a warm blanket and R.J’s
fact I’d say far from it, however whether you like it or not
rendition of Mandingo.
the instant message has become a vital leg on which the
P.S. Despite the article, definitely still keen for ruts.
35
nexus magazine
A PIE STORY
SURVIVOR WSU
Life of Pie The Pie Men
Executioner Mark Savage
If extensive market research has taught us one thing, and it
Back from the break, our brave bunch of intrepid student repre-
probably hasn’t, Nexus has been missing something. By con-
sentatives huddled around a campfire to the edge of the board
servative estimates the magazine is about 80% - 100% down on
beach at the edge of the island where they had pitched their
articles about pies, pie reviews and of course serious discourse
tents at the beginning of the year. All members of the Board of
around pie related fatalities. We can no longer sit idle while this
the Waikato Students’ Union were accounted for, save Simba, who
injustice continues.
hadn’t made contact since vanishing into the bush about a week
Starting this week we are bringing back the debate around the
ago. Gabriel Paikea had forwarded apologies for not being able to
humble kiwi pie. The aim of this column is a simple one, we will
attend the meeting and Daniel Farrell would join late. Newcomer to
elevate the pie to its rightful status as the revered almost food that
the Board, Catherine Monckton, joined the meeting in spirit through
it has always been. We will explain why the pie is both culturally and
the occult practice of video conferencing.
historically significant and we will aspire to create debate and discus-
The usual formalities progressed and no students brought issues
sion around some of the world’s age old debates for instance: Is the
to the Board. Of the two students there, one was Tribal Council member, Wei Cheng Phee, your student representative to University Council, attending his first ever
“IS THE PIE THE ULTIMATE STUDENT FOOD? CORNISH PASTIES, WHAT THE FUCK? EIGHT REASONS WHY SAUSAGE ROLLS ARE BASICALLY COMMUNIST PROPAGANDA.”
WSU Board Meeting. It was soon moved by the Zanian-Sam duo that a conflicts register should be formed, a first for the WSU. The idea behind this is to streamline the process of declaring conflicts of interest and promote transparency. It was clear from the discussion that this was the brainchild of President Aaron Letcher. Next came the financial report which, while providing a more regular
pie the ultimate student food? Cornish pasties, what the fuck? Eight
mechanism for General Manager David West to update the Board
reasons why sausage rolls are basically communist propaganda.
with, ideally could have included more information.
Why vegetarian pies are as reprehensible as vegetarians themselves and in a perfect world neither would exist.
Some major progress was made by the Board in moving towards the establishment of a formal WSU foodbank to tie in with the advo-
Ultimately though, the intent of our column is a simple one.
cacy service already provided by the organisation. In other news,
Through a series of reviews, interviews, blind taste tests and sacri-
VP-Maori Simba was given a spot on the Te Mana Akonga Board, the
ficing of pie virgins we will, by issue 24, name Hamilton’s Ultimate
national body for Maori student organisations. Wei joined Aaron in
Pie and Hamilton’s Ultimate Pie Flavour. This is not science, hell,
telling the Board about personal submissions they had made to the
it’s not even math. This is opinion at its plain and subjective best.
Select Committee dealing with the proposed changes to be made
We will be making calls, inciting controversy and we are extremely
to University Councils, namely changes that would reduce them in
unapologetic about any of it. We do have a method to our mad-
size. Aaron also discussed with the Board what the WSU submission
ness though. There is a strict criteria that we will use to measure
would look like.
each component and give a final rating. The breakdown of which
After affiliating some student clubs, the Board was informed by
includes: Taste, Price, Cleanliness of the Bakery, Whether The Pie is
Vice-President Shannon about an engagement plan for Level Zero.
Photogenic, Crust, Meat / Near Meat / Horse, and finally, would I eat
Level Zero is the student hang-out space at the bottom of the
this pie if I wasn’t stoned?
Student Centre where you can read Nexus in peace, play pool, or
The only other rule we have is that at no point in the near future
make a hot coffee. The engagement plan aims to have a WSU Board
will you hear us utter the word quiche. For a quiche is not a pie it’s
member present in Level Zero (from about 10am to 2pm daily), so
a life choice and one that we simply cannot abide. Next week we
feel free to head in and say “Hi.” There were also a number of activity
begin our Pie Odyssey by finding out what Hamilton East MP David
reports passed by the Board, but more on those next week!
Bennett’s pie preference is (we are guessing he’s a knife and fork mince and cheese guy), we review the Cameron Road Bakery, and we talk shit about people who order pepper steak pies.
36
nexusmag.co.nz
nexus magazine
Blind Dat�
BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE BANK AND 97.8 THE EDGE. EACH WEEK NEXUS ATTEMPTS TO MAKE A LOVE/ SEXUAL CONNECTION. IF YOU'RE KEEN FOR A DATE ON US EMAIL EDITOR@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ
XX
XY
THE LADY'S EXPERIENCE
THE GENTLEMAN'S EXPERIENCE
I got roped into this Blind date thing by a friend of
I’m not a virgin. I’m just putting that out there. I have
mine and consoled myself with the fact that at least
been with ladies before that’s why I can say with
there was a bar tab. The guy I’d been set up with is
some certainty that the Nexus Blind Date was the
a law student. I know this because he mentioned it
worst experience of my life. It is literally like they put
about five hundred times. He wasn’t bad looking, but
no effort into deciding who would be a match.
he had the terrible affliction of thinking he was funny.
I arrived a little early and I’ll admit to being a little
He cracked the most god-awful law related jokes all
stoned. It’s not like I’m the first person to get nervous
night- because he’s a law student you know. In the
and get a little blazed but at the same time I like to
end I just encouraged him to drink more so he’d shut
think I’m a bit of a catch. I’m pretty good looking, I’m
up. Turns out, he’s a bit of a gym junkie, so once he
going to be a lawyer and I’m a gentleman, in the sense
closed his mouth around his vodka cruiser and shut
that I buy them breakfast the next morning.
up about his studies I could just enjoy his arms. I’m
When she arrived the first thing I noticed was that
not sure how much of the menu we sampled but we
she was blonde. I fucking hate blondes, it’s been my
definitely drank the bar tab and he seemed like a much
experience that they are equal part retarded and nar-
nicer person once that happened. Or maybe he just
cissistic as though Satan herself had crafted them in
took his shirt off to show me his abs.
their own image.
In the end I thought, fuck it, and took him back to
The second thing I noticed is that this bitch could
my place. I figured that the sex couldn’t be that ter-
babble. She talked, and talked and talked about abso-
rible- but I was wrong. I’d expected the alcohol he’d
lutely fucking nothing. On the bright side the steak
consumed to cause a couple of problems- but there’s
was nice and I was barely listening. I kept trying to
no excuse for three second sex. I made some excuse
inject some jokes to lighten the mood but she didn’t
about having an early start in the morning and kicked
seem to have a sense of humour.
him out. He’s texted me twice today and added me on
At the end of the night though I had to admit she
facebook. I’m hoping that if I ignore him, I can pretend
was cute for a trainee teach so I had to ask myself
it never happened.
two questions: Could I fuck her? Would I fuck her? The answer to both was that I would have bought her breakfast but she kept whining about being tired so I left. Thanks to the Bank.
37
PHOTOGRAPH: LOUISE HUTT
nexus magazine
DON'T TURN AARON INTO A WANKER STUDENTS' UNION PRESIDENT AARON LETCHER
— Some things are better when you do them yourself. Completing an
when students aren’t talking? While students are more often than not the
assignment, for example, is undeniably better when you are doing it by
first to complain when they have an issue, they are more inclined to cry
yourself, or so I’ve been told by every management student who has ever
about it on Facebook than actually do something about it that will fix the
found themselves completing a “group” assignment at the last minute
problem for the future. Call it laziness, call it apathy, call it just not giving a
due to what can only be described as a ‘language barrier’. Sex, on the
fuck – I don’t care. No matter what you call it ,the fact remains that trying
other hand, is impossible to do by yourself. In fact, if you do find yourself
to ascertain problems that students are facing is more difficult than Noah
having sex by yourself then the chances are that you’re a wanker in the
trying to figure out whether Allie wants to be with him in The Notebook.
most literal sense of the word.
Unless you tell me what you want, I’m just hitting golf balls into the dark.
Student representation is much the same. If I try to do it by myself then
Yes, some of those balls might land on the green. Others may fall short,
it isn’t student representation at all, and while it may fall well short of
or roll into the rough – but the chances of me hitting a hole in one are slim
masturbation I think we can all agree I would be a wanker none the less. I
at best. This metaphor has really gotten away from me, but I guess the
haven’t been elected to put forward my own views, I’ve been elected to
point I’m trying to make is that it’s time to start playing golf, because if
listen to a range of student views and somehow try to communicate them
Tiger Woods can accumulate a net worth of $500 million and sleep with
to the University in a coherent way, as difficult as that can be at times. This is where my problem arises. How can I listen to student views
38
nexusmag.co.nz
scores of beautiful women while married to a supermodel then that’s clearly the right game to be in.
nexus magazine
2, 4, 6, 8, DO NEW ZEALANDERS DISCRIMINATE? MEL MARTIN FROM YWRC
— So, the covering letter for my CV in no uncertain terms lays out the fact that I permanently use crutches after a car accident rendered me paralysed in one leg, just from the knee down. This came from the instinctive thought process that I wanted potential employers to know about my “limitations” from the moment they read my letter, rather than selecting me to be interviewed, and then being disappointed when they met my crutches. Which in my mind, was inherently worse than not being selected at all. What never really occurred to me is that it is actually against the law for an employer to discriminate on the grounds of age, gender, religion, ethnicity, disability, family status, sexual orientaPHOTOGRAPH: LOUISE HUTT
tion, or political opinion in accordance with the Human Rights Act 1993 and the Employment Relations Act 2000. This basically means that it’s unlawful for an employer to discriminate whether that’s in a job advert, during an interview, while you’re employed, or at the end of employment. By disclosing the nature of my injuries from the get-go, I gave potential employers an easy out. They get their personal assistants to send the
CAN'T LOGIN? AMBER CARDALE
generic ‘we-had-a-high-calibre-of-applicants-but-
—
regret-to-inform-you-that-you-did-not-make-thecut’ email, and I am none the wiser as to whether my “disability” played any part in that decision. And, of course I could go back to those employers and ask them, but I don’t know if I believe that a business owner or manager will easily admit to having not hired me because of my handi-capability. Though, perhaps that reveals more about me than it does about them. My point, and it is a point made to me by my current boss (who’s fantastic, but if you tell him I said that I’ll deny it!), is that you don’t have to disclose anything in an initial covering letter
Recently I have been having students approach me about not being able to access their email, moodle and Myweb accounts and they don’t know why. In other words you can say that their accounts have been sanctioned till further notice. If a student’s account has been sanctioned it usually means that they have an unpaid fee somewhere in the university. For example, fees can be incurred when you enrol late or bring your library books back late. If this has happened to you and you cannot access your account but have limited funds, go and talk to them. Remember university staff are human too, and want you to do well with your studies. Once you have sorted something out with payments, accounts are generally unblocked and you can resume study. If this is happening to you and you have no way of working out a payment option then come and see Amber the Advocate.
that could give your prospective employer any grounds to discriminate against you, whether they intend to or not. Make your covering letter about your strengths!
Contact: 0800 AT YWRC, ywrc@xtra.co.nz.
Contact: advocacy@wsu.org.nz or 027 2065 011. Or make an appointment at wsu.org.nz
39
nexus magazine
NOTICES
DEB SOC DEBATINGATWAIKATO@GMAIL.COM
Do you wish to improve your public speaking
theatre and food. And last but certainly not least we strive to encourage academic opportunities for the African students at the university.
Poker Club
Waikato Mandarin Corner FACEBOOK.COM/GROUPS/WAIKATO.MANDARIN.
skills? Increase your overall confidence level? Do you want to engage in intellectual debates and
CORNER/
ABHAY_SINGH9308@YAHOO.COM
have your opinions challenged? If so then the Waikato Debating Society is for you‌ We are a group of motivated, intelligent and fun students from the University of Waikato who love to engage in the art of Debating. Joining Waikato DebSoc gives you not only the aforementioned opportunities, but also the chance to compete
The Waikato Mandarin corner provides people We are a social poker club for players. We enjoy serious play sometimes but happy to welcome new members and help anyone learn the game! We have weekly meetings in the SUB on Wednesdays.
against other Universities from all over New
So come along to one of our Debating Sessions, Tuesday at 6pm in LAW.G.02 or Wednesday at 1pm in I.4.09 or email us at debatingatwaikato@ gmail.com to find out more!
environment. Unlike normal classes, you will have lots of chances to practice speaking, and to use what you have learnt in a practical way! Being able to speak Chinese opens up heaps of
Zealand and travel to a variety of exciting destinations in the process.
from all backgrounds the opportunity to learn conversational Chinese in a supportive and fun
Beta Alpha Psi BAP.WAIKATO@GMAIL.COM
doors both in NZ and overseas, and it is a fantastic thing to have on your CV. So come along and give it a go- all are welcome! We meet every Wednesday from 5.10pm to 6.10pm at Namaste Kitchen in the WSU building (during the normal uni semester times). We also hold movie nights, dinners, and other club
Waikato African Students Association TSITHOLE74@YAHOO.COM
Beta Alpha Psi is an international honorary organ-
activities.
isation for accounting, information systems and
For more updates and info check us out on
finance students. We inform students of oppor-
Facebook at Waikato Mandarin Corner.
tunities in accounting, and help improve their knowledge. This year, our Waikato chapter is holding regional meeting and a series of workshops, office tours and community service events including: Dining Etiquette: A networking event where students have the opportunity to dine with
40
Waikato African Student Association (WASA)
professionals.
has been created to foster an environment for
CV Workshop: CV and Cover Letter help.
African Students at Waikato University. The aim
MYOB Workshops: how to operate use MYOB
of the association is to promote different African
and how it is used in the workplace.
cultures amongst the African students as well
Office Tour at Deloitte Hamilton.
as non African students, through dance, music,
Facebook page: facebook.com/bapwaikato
nexusmag.co.nz
Send any notices to editor@nexusmag.co.nz
nexus magazine
SLOW ROASTED LAMB LEG Cooking for Students Zac Lyon
For those out there right now who have no idea how to roast a piece of meat, shame on you! It is easily one of the most rewarding things you can cook (apart from a kick arse birthday cake), it makes your house smell edible, which is a large step up from the smell of dirty socks and undies that is emanating from your flatmate’s room (let’s be honest, we all had/have a stinky flatmate!). So grab some fresh herbs from your garden, or your neighbours in a daring midnight raid, grab a slab of meat that’s on special at the supermarket this week and create some Sunday magic in the roast department.
Ingredients 2.5 kg lamb leg (or shoulder) 8-9 cloves of garlic 4 sprigs of rosemary 3 carrots - quartered 3 sticks of celery - halved 1 can of chopped tomatoes 1 bottle of red wine Salt and pepper
Directions 01_ Trim any excess fat off the leg, and stab the leg half
a dozen times with a small knife.
02_ In these small stab wounds push in halved cloves of
garlic and inch long pieces of rosemary. You’re
aiming for balding hedgehog appearance.
03_ Rub oil lovingly across lamb like a sensual massage,
sprinkle with salt and pepper.
04_ Transfer into a roasting tray, add in carrots, celery,
four additional garlic cloves, tomatoes and my
favourite, one bottle of red wine around the leg.
05_ Bake at 150C for roughly around 4 – 5 hours. 06_ Check the meat around the four hour mark, stabbing
it and observing the colour of the juice that runs out.
If it’s super bloody- back into oven, if it’s light pink –
whip it out and allow it to rest for 10 mins before
cutting and serving.
Enjoy the smell in the house, serve to all your flatmates, even the one whose socks and undies you can no longer smell. Head over to Cooking4Students facebook page or youtube channel to more recipes.
41
nexus magazine
Codewords
Each letter in this puzzle is represented by a number 1-26. Crack the code to solve the crossword.
KenKen
Sequence
The bolded groups of squares are called “cages.” In the
What shape comes next?
upper-left corner of each cage, there is a “target number” and a math operation. Fill in each square of a cage with a number between 1-9. The numbers in a cage must combine—in any order, using only that cage’s math operation—to form that cage’s target number. You may not repeat a number in any row or column but you can repeat a number within a cage. Example: Your target number is 5, your operation is addition, you’re using the numbers 1–9, and the cage is made up of two squares. You could fill in 2 and 3 (because 2 + 3 = 5) or 1 and 4 (1 + 4 = 5)
Syllabic
1. Seemly: 2. Artifact:
From the following syllables and clues, form ten words of a least two syllables.
3. An opera: 4. Matching:
be - ca - cal - cious - com - den - e - e - ga
5. Geometric plane:
- ge - i - i - ic - ing - ki - let - list - na - o - rel - rig - stac - te - teau - ter - ti - to - to - trap - van - ya - zoid
6. Short and detached: 7. French cake: 8. Preacher: 9. Holding fast: 10. Japanese glaze:
Enter numbers into the blank spaces so that each row,
42
nexusmag.co.nz
HARD
MEDUIM
column and 3x3 box contains the numbers 1-9.
EASY
Sudoku
Draw your answer here.
nexus magazine
Target How many four (or more) letter words can you make from the letters in the square without using proper nouns? Each word must contain the centre letter.
10. 9 letter words sportsmen 8 letter words posterns 7 letter words persons postern posters postmen prestos stepson 6 letter words emptor estops mopers person pontes posers posset poster presto proems proses sperms spores sports stomps strops tempos topers trompe tromps tropes 5 letter words estop moper mopes nopes opens pents peons perms perts pesos pesto pests poems poets pones pores ports poser poses posse posts press proem proms prone prose romps ropes spent
Crossword
Solve the clues and fill in the words.
speos sperm spore sport
Answers for this crossword are in the online magazine at nexusmag.co.nz.
spots steps stomp stope stops strep strop tempo
Across
41. Emphasis (6)
80. Assist in wrongdo-
8. Snow runner (3)
44. Part of a coat (5)
1. Lackadaisical (7)
42. Rear of a ship (3)
ing (4)
9. Not properly maintained(7)
45. Dressing (7)
5. Lariat (5)
43. Gracefully slender (6)
81. Copies (8)
10. Spear (5)
46. Unforseen obstacles (5)
8. Cranium (5)
47. Loiter (5)
86. Implement (7)
11. Height (8)
48. Period of time (4)
11. Warning (5)
49. Allow (6)
88. Previously (7)
12. Self (3)
50. Early warning system(5)
14. Riddle (9)
51. Rabbit colony (6)
90. Questionably (9)
13. Chore (4)
53. Hanker (5)
15. Stone pillar (7)
52. Respond (5)
91. Leg joint (5)
19. Stone slab (6)
54. Musical instrument (7)
16. Countries (7)
55. Consternation (6)
92. Heading (5)
21. System of principles or
55. Injury (6)
17. Withstood (8)
56. Poem (3)
93. Part of a play (5)
beliefs (5)
58. Jewelled headdress (5)
18. Particle (4)
57. Armed robber (6)
94. Encrypted (7)
22. Preeminent (7)
60. Elevate (5)
20. Lure (6)
59. Large ape (7)
23. Stick (6)
61. Insect (4)
24. Youngster (5)
63. Charts (4)
Down
25. Brood (5)
62. Get away (6)
26. Chances (4)
65. Marine mammal (6)
1. Terse (7)
27. Greek letter (5)
64. Steps (5)
28. Word for word (8)
66. Communicate (6)
2. Nothing (9)
29. Moderate (4)
68. Wandered off the
79. Divided (5)
30. Fear (5)
67. Concealed (6)
3. Relating to one of the
31. Clairvoyant (7)
subject (9)
82. Hostel (5)
32. Hot spring (6)
71. Type of lizard (5)
bones in the forearm (5)
32. Scope (5)
69. Blend (8)
83. Impassive (5)
33. Shut (6)
72. Five-sided polygon (8)
4. Mockery (8)
35. More secure (5)
70. Friendly (8)
84. Large fish (4)
34. Tripods (6)
74. Unguent (4)
5. Young animals (5)
37. Highly skilled (5)
73. Closest (7)
85. Prejudice (4)
36. Border (4)
75. Bird of prey (5)
6. Decelerated (6)
38. Finished (4)
76. Relished (7)
87. Moose (3)
39. Confused (7)
78. Sacred songs (6)
7. Portent (4)
40. Sews (5)
77. Edict (6)
89. Regret (3)
temps toper topes tromp trope 4 letter words epos mope mops nope open opes opts pens pent peon perm pert peso pest pets poem poet pome poms pone pons pore porn port pose post pots prom pros psst reps romp rope sept sops spot step stop temp tope tops
43
nexus magazine
FANCY A RANT? SEND US YOUR LETTUCE.
EMAIL EDITOR@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ
44
nexusmag.co.nz
nexus magazine
45